247. I should not show up at the front gate wearing part of another houses uniform, messily drunk.

248. Even if my prefect did it.

HDHDHD

"Where is he?" Hermione hissed, methodically shredding a croissant into bits of fluffy dough.

"Who?" Ron asked, swallowing a lump of eggs and crunching into a piece of bacon.

"Harry," Ginny answered. She craned her neck, looking around the Great Hall. "He didn't come to dinner last night, and now he's missing breakfast." She turned to Neville, looking concerned. "Do you think he's all right?"

Seamus snorted. "Malfoy's missing, too."

Dean nodded solemnly. "They must still be reading to those sick blind children at Saint Mungo's." The boys snickered.

"You don't think Malfoy bit Harry too hard and killed him, do you?" Ron looked worried. "The Magic Crystal Ball did say that he could." Neville snorted. Hermione, having already been filled in on the happenings of a class she had dropped back in third year, merely shook her head and sighed before resuming her pastry homicide.

Argus Filch entered the hall just then, dragging a stumbling Gryffindor behind him. Ginny's eyes went huge. "Is that..." She looked over at the Slytherin table where Blaise Zabini's shoulders were shaking with silent laughter and Pansy looked disgusted, before looking at the blond haired student being pulled along by Filch. "Is that Malfoy?"

Hermione looked up sharply; noticing the disheveled looking Slytherin wearing Harry's Gryffindor cloak. She nodded, reached down to grab her book bag, and stood. "That'll work." She turned to Neville. "When you see Harry, tell him I say thank you."

"For what?" Ron looked around curiously, but Hermione had already vanished into the throng of curious students.

Filch yanked his prisoner before him and then let go, causing Draco to stumble and crash inelegantly to the floor. "Found him wandering around by the front gates, I did," he told the headmaster excitedly. Dumbledore frowned, looking rather surprised, and instinctively searched the hall for Harry.

Draco gazed up at a nearby Hufflepuff student from his position on the floor. "Have your house colors always been so yellow?" The girl blinked, surprised and slightly frightened, but nodded none the less. Draco sniffed. "How plebian. I knew there was a reason I was in Sythindor."

"Sythindor," Seamus whispered, face red from trying not to laugh.

Dean snickered. "Apparently it's how the cool kids roll."

The caretaker reached down and hauled Draco to his feet. Dumbledore looked at the young man sternly over his spectacles. "Mr. Malfoy, can you explain why you were stumbling around the front gates; out of bounds and out of uniform on a school day?"

Draco looked confused. "I'm not out of uniform." He looked down, an expression of surprise lighting up his face. "This is Harry's robe." He began looking around the hall indignantly. "Where's my robe?" he demanded of the same frightened Hufflepuff. The girl shook her head, causing Draco to scowl threateningly as he weaved back and forth on his feet. "You just wait till I tell my father you stole my robe! Stupid puffer. Pouf. Pufferpouf!"

"Mr. Malfoy!" Snape spoke sternly, looking utterly humiliated that one of his students was causing such a scene. "You will explain yourself at once!"

"But she took my robe," he whined, pointing drunkenly at the Ravenclaw table on his other side. "And I don't have to explain anything! I am a pureblood! And a…a…" he frowned, copying Harry's signature gesture and running his hands through his hair. "I'm something else, but I can't quite remember what."

"A vampire," Susan piped up helpfully.

"No," Draco shook his head. "I'm only Harry's vampire."

"You're a prefect!" a loud voice declared from the doorway.

"Yes!" Draco spun around, ending up sitting on the poor Hufflepuff as his equilibrium proved unstable. He beamed at the Gryffindor slouched against the door frame. "I'm a prefect! Thank you, Harry."

"Mr. Potter!" Professor Flitwick gazed in shock at the utterly unkempt boy working his way slowly towards Draco. Harry was wearing his school slacks and trainers, a t-shirt emblazoned with 'QPDIITA,' a Slytherin tie, and had what appeared to be… sparkles?... across his cheekbones.

"That's me!" Harry raised his hand obediently.

Draco smiled fondly, draping his arm across the shoulders of the girl he was still sitting on. "He's really quite cute when he's being an idiot." The girl nodded in agreement, eyes glued to Harry's chest. Draco scowled. "Stop looking at him!"

Dumbledore rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Mr. Malfoy…"

"But he's mine!"

The old wizard paused for a moment before deciding to ignore this outburst. "Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter. Would you please provide a justification for your appearances?"

Harry brightened, twisting his head from side to side so the glitter on his cheeks reflected in the light and flashed brightly. "Do you like it? Kevin, or Gavin, or whatever his name was. Maybe Steve. Well, he thought I should use eye shadow and a bit of liner, but I said I wasn't a girl, but sparkles are just so pretty, so…"

Snape interrupted. "Who is this person you are speaking of?"

"Well I don't really know." Harry wrinkled his brow in confusion. "We met him at the club and he was just sooo nice and after the club closed we all went back to his place. Only I don't think it was his place because we entered through a hole in the wire fence rather than a door. I didn't want to go in, but Draco really liked the Lemon Drops they were making, and then Sally was teaching me how to use the strippers pole and Draco fell asleep so we…"

"You went home with a complete stranger!" Snape looked like he wanted to flay Harry alive.

"You left the school grounds?" Dumbledore looked shocked, wondering how the boys had gotten past the wards.

"You went to a club?" Ginny called out eagerly.

"The world didn't end!" Sybil Trelawney toasted Harry with her Sherry bottle and patted the magic eight ball hidden in her pocket.

"Vodka is good," Draco sighed happily. "I think I'll name my first child Vodka. Or maybe Bacardi. Those are good names. Cosmo would be a sweet nickname too."

McGonagall sipped her tea. "Oh dear," she said mildly. "So much could have happened to you both." She took another sip of tea. "Ten points from Gryffindor and Slytherin."

"TEN POINTS!" Snape bellowed. "Merely ten points!!" He turned back to Harry, sallow face flushed unbecomingly. "Just who do you think you are?!"

Harry brightened again, raising his arms in a Muscle Man pose and singing off-key; "I - am - Iron - Man, neener neener neet neet neet neet neet."

Seamus roared with laughter, pillowing his head in his arms on the table. Dean choked on his juice and even Padma and Parvati Patil were hard pressed to hide their mirth. Ron leaned across the table and whispered to Neville. "Who's Iron Man?" Neville shrugged.

Draco gave Harry an inquiring look. "I thought your nickname was The-Boy-Who-Lived?" He shrugged, unconcerned, as Harry pulled him off the Hufflepuff and wrapped him in a hug. "I like Iron Man," he purred, sliding one of his legs between Harry's. "It's much more inviting."

"I thought you were going to Malfoy Manor?" Crabbe looked confused.

"Well, we were going to," Harry explained. "But Draco's parents came back from the Bahamas early so we couldn't stay there." He turned to Draco, pouting. "I wish your dad would stop trying to kill me."

"I'll talk to him," Draco promised, kissing him gently on the forehead.

Harry beamed. "So we went to the Leaky Cauldron but everyone recognized us and I didn't feel like fighting off Death Eaters on my day off, you know? So we went to Gringott's and the Goblins were amazingly helpful, and then we went into Muggle London and hung out."

"And then," Snape icily interjected, arms crossed over his face and sneer firmly fixed on his face. "Knowing full well that the Dark Lord is around and vying to kill you, you decided to go dancing and drinking."

"The Dark Lord wouldn't have gone to a club like this," Draco hastened to reassure him. "A Muggle patted my butt."

"Maybe he would have," Dean called out. "Maybe that's why he's so unhappy with the world. UST plays havoc on your sense of reason."

"You think so?" Harry tilted his head curiously.

"I think it would be best to finish this conversation elsewhere," Dumbledore rose from his seat. "And allow the other students to head off to class."

McGonagall sipped her tea again. "Second period started five minutes ago."

Dumbledore blinked at his Deputy Headmistress. She took another sip of tea followed by a delicate bite of pastry. "Very well." He turned back to the students; none of whom had made the slightest attempt to follow his previous order and head to class. "Students are free to study until after lunch. At which point, class schedule will resume as normal." He gestured to the two boys in front of him. "I suggest you head to Madame Pomphrey for a check up, and then I wish to see you both in my office."

Finally setting her tea down, Minerva stood and gestured to the boys. "Follow me, please."

Seamus watched them walk out of the hall. "I am so glad Harry is my friend."

Ginny nodded. "I'm writing to Fred and George tonight. I think he'll need help to do anything else after this."

Lavender looked oddly flushed. "Gods! Can you just imagine the two of them? Sweaty. Flushed. Glittery." She took a long drink of juice. "Why am I never in the right place at the right time?" Parvati nodded dispiritedly.

Ron looked disgusted. "Why would a Muggle pat Malfoy's butt?"