Title: Dear Lady Celi...

Author: DaystarsMom and Sayoko Bizen
Rating: PG
Characters: Pretty much everybody, sooner or later

Summary: Ch. 5-Lady C.'s advice on competition for a love interest, long-distance relationships, lobster, and ... dueling? The plot, such as it is, curdles.

Disclaimer: Good grief, it's fan fiction. Of course it's Not Ours.

Dear Lady Celi

by

Sayoko Bizen and DaystarsMom

Dear Lady Celi:

Sorry to bother your ladyship again so soon, but it sure looks like I've gotten myself in a tangle.

I've been hanging out up at the Shinou Temple in my spare time, just like you suggested. It's resolved my sheep's crisis, now that he and the object of his affections have gotten over the business about being different species, and I think I've found just the ally you suggested to help with that little bout of office politics. But while I accomplished my aim of avoiding both serious bodily harm from my boss Grumpy and the advances of his colleague Butterfly, things have taken an unexpected (and thoroughly unwelcomed) turn.

Remember I mentioned that Butterfly seemed intent on pollinating EVERYONE? Well, while I was busy avoiding him, he landed on MY favorite bloom and took him out for dinner! Twice! And he's been showering MY GUY with flowers and chocolates and poetry every other minute in between dates. Worst of all, my guy hasn't been objecting! I never thought he was a flowers-and-chocolates kind of man, but maybe I was wrong. I can't compete with that—my salary won't stand it, and the only poetry I've ever written is an occasional dirty limerick.

I got the whole story from the maids (boy, would I like to hire them for my espionage network! They're better than most professionals. But they say their current jobs give them more scope for their talents, and besides, they're not interested in Belial's love life). I'm sure the whole kingdom knows the situation by now. Except maybe for His Majesty (he's such an innocent). My boss knows, for certain. He's been grouchier than ever since the word got out, and lately he keeps fingering his belt-knife like he's looking for someone to challenge to a duel.

I've also been drafted into playing the confidant for a young associate who's been having romantic troubles. He and his fiancé had a tiff and split over some travel plans, and he's come up to the Shinou Temple to get over his loss. I'm not really used to giving advice to the lovelorn. Any suggestions there?

Muscles in Ruffles

Dear Muscles-Honey:

My, that boss of yours sounds positively frightening! I don't suppose you have any vacation days saved up that you could use to get out of this tense situation for a while?

As for your sweetie, what do you expect him to do when you spend all your time on office politics? Of course, it's too late now to shower him with flowers and chocolates yourself; you'd look as if you were imitating Butterfly, and that would never do. No, I think you need to find some other way to let your guy know that he's first in your life. Something romantic and personal—you should know your man well enough to think of just the right thing! But take your time—there's no sense in rushing around looking desperate.

In regard to your young friend, I've always found that the best cure for a broken heart is a new love affair! Encourage him to stop looking backward, and I'm sure he'll cheer up in nothing flat!

Love and Kisses,

Her Royal Foxiness, Lady Celi von Spitzweg

Dear Lady Celi:

I'll get straight to the point. My best friend was a great lady, beautiful and kind, who died twenty years ago. I still miss her very much, but her memory is making my life miserable, and not in the way you might think.

My friend was engaged to a handsome nobleman who took her death very hard. In fact, he left the country, and has hardly been back since. Nevertheless, I have seen him now and then in the course of my work as a healer, and I find myself strongly attracted to him. I can hardly get him out of my head. My father thinks he's a traitor and doesn't want me to have anything to do with him, but I can see that he was only terribly hurt and angry. Unfortunately, he is still pining for his lost fiancée, and can't see me for dust.

I can't fight a ghost, and I don't want to sully the memory of my best friend either. But it's been twenty years! If my friend were still alive, I would smack her upside the head for making my love life almost as complicated as hers was.

Should I do as my father wishes and forget this man, or follow my heart even though he may never see me as more than a friend?

Standing in the Shadow of the Past

Dear Standing:

I think you already know what I am going to say. No doubt your father means well, but if you are a healer, then you are a responsible adult person, able to make your own decisions. Follow your heart!

And don't despair of attracting the attention of the one you love! When a person loses someone he cares deeply for, it takes time to recover, and some people take more time than others. But with all the wonderful changes and good will our new Maoh has brought, your heartthrob may be ready to move on at last.

Since you aren't likely to see him in person for a time, the best thing to do might be to write him and reveal your feelings. Love letters can be so romantic! Especially for a lonely man in a foreign country who must be missing his home! Invite him for a visit, and see what develops.

Love and Kisses,

Her Royal Foxiness, Lady Celi von Spitzweg

Dear Lady Celi,

I hope you don't mind my writing you again so soon. It's just that my problems are compounding uncontrollably and I'm at my wit's end.

My little brother is heartbroken over what he sees as my godson's rejection, and has taken refuge at the temple. I've been hearing rumors that he is finding solace with my best friend. I want my little brother to be happy—he's been through a lot, though sometimes I can't help thinking that he sabotages his own chances—but I've hoped for some time that my best friend and I would end up together. Now it may be too late to tell my friend how I feel. I have no hope of stealing him back; I'm not a stunner like my little brother. I'm also worried about my godson, who seems to be completely bewildered by all this. I've always thought he had stronger feelings for my little brother than he admitted to, and if he gets the idea that this is somehow unfair...well, he can get kind of unpredictable.

As if that's not enough, my former teacher seems to find nothing but encouragement in my acceptance of two of his dinner invitations. (Candlelight, champagne, and lobster thermidor with the wrong person are downright unpleasant, I find. Especially when the wrong person gets...touchy-feely.) My attempts to let him down easy have gotten nowhere.

Then this afternoon, my older brother (who is also my superior officer) came into my office just as my former teacher showed up with a bucket of roses and a sonnet. My brother completely lost his temper—a rare thing for him—and the next thing I knew, he'd challenged me to a duel. I had to accept (if I hadn't caught the dagger, it would have put out my eye). My brother has always been very protective of us younger ones, and I knew he didn't approve of a relationship between me and my former teacher, but this seems a little extreme. My teacher was no help; he burst into tears and ran out of the room, and hasn't spoken to either of us since.

The only way I'm going to get through this is by pretending it's my best friend I'm fighting for. It's kind of hard to do that, though, when he's not even around to watch, much less second me.

(Now More Than) A Little Bit Bothered

Dear Bothered:

Duels are so exciting and romantic! I'm sure you'll do your best; let me know when it's scheduled, and I'll come and cheer for you! And I'm sure that when your best friend hears about it, he'll come down and cheer for you, too!

But are you sure you can't drum up even a teensy bit of interest in this former teacher? Anyone can manage a candlelight dinner, but champagne and lobster thermidor aren't something you're going to find on every street corner. Still, perhaps if your brother disapproves so strongly, it may be best to let the relationship go. Family feuds are such a bore!

Love and Kisses,

Her Royal Foxiness, Lady Celi von Spitzweg