So, totally irrelevant to the story, but my Audrey got into an argument with one of her little Kindergarden buddies over - you guessed it - Harry Potter! The boy was trying to tell her that HP was a movie, and Audrey was like, "No, it was books first. Then movies." The kid argued, she argued back, I found out when I found a note from the teacher in her back pack. The argument she used was that there are seven books and only five movies. Seven is bigger than five, so, therefore, the books came first. The teacher was impressed with her logic and debating skills. I know it's immature, but I sooooo wanted to call the little boy's mom and in the most annoying and sing-songy voice possible say, "My baby's smarter than yours... na na na na na na." And the moral of this pointelss story? Read to children! Ok, moving on.

HDHDHD

Number 104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.

HDHDHD

Terry Boot bit his lip nervously. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Susan Bones nodded determinedly. "Yes. You heard about what happened on the Quidditch pitch a couple days ago. We need to do something to make them stop fighting!"

Zacharias Smith nodded in agreement. "As Malfoy's official blood donor, Harry needs to stay committed." He fingered his neck nervously. "Or else Malfoy will find someone else to bite."

"Draco would never bite you," Luna commented absently; still swinging her 'HELL NO, WE WON'T GO!' sign from hand to hand. "There's no sexual tension between the two of you. He just flat out doesn't like you."

Ernie cleared his throat, eyeing Luna as though she would morph into Cujo at any given moment. "Erm… right." He shook his head, puffing up his chest determinedly. "The fact of the matter is, we cannot afford for the two of them to continue fighting like this. We must do something."

Susan nodded earnestly. "Harry is an honorary Hufflepuff," she began, "and we take care of our own."

Justin Finch – Fletchley looked slightly frightened. "But locking them and their friends up together? Are you sure that's wise?"

Wayne Hopkins chose this moment to join in the conversation. "I know it seems a bit extreme, but, Justin, would you honestly be happy in a relationship if your chosen didn't like your friends? I mean, this has to stop. Look at the way they fight!"

"That wasn't fighting," Luna dreamily contributed. "That was foreplay."

Terry gave the girl an odd look. "Whatever it was, it's not healthy." He looked around at the assorted students. "So we're agreed? Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff houses will conspire together to force the sixth years to get along?"

All the students nodded in agreement. Michael Corner sighed, shaking his head almost wistfully. "I wish Fred and George were still here. The betting pool for who would draw first blood would be astronomical."

Anthony Goldstein gave him an incredulous look. "You're a Ravenclaw! If you can't concoct a betting pool to rival theirs, you should denounce yourself from the house immediately!"

Susan ignored the Galleons trading hands and looked around the group uncertainly. "We are doing the right thing, right?" Everyone nodded and smiled; talking animatedly about how wonderful it would be once the tensions around the school eased. Except for Luna. She simply kept swinging her sign from hand to hand while contentedly singing "Kum By Ah."

Blaise was the first one to awaken. He looked around blearily, one hand pressed to his temple in a futile attempt to control the dizziness. Then he looked around again. He was in a classroom. Surrounded by the majority of his year mates and the Gryffindor sixth years as well. Prodding Pansy with his foot, he waited for her to grumblingly sit up before gesturing widely. "Should I be concerned about this?"

She looked around at the mass of unconscious Slytherin and Gryffindor students and whimpered. "I'm dead. I've died and been sent to the place where evil dark lords and manipulative people go." She sniffed, feeling really quite sorry for herself.

"It's called Hell," Hermione supplied from across the room. She sat up and groaned. "And we're not there. We're… well, I don't know where we are." She scowled suddenly. "I bet Dumbledore arranged this to distract me from my quest of educational reform!" She shook her head mutinously, arms crossed across her chest. "He had better just wait until I inform my new solicitor. Oh yes, yes indeed."

"Does that mean we failed to watch your back?" Goyle asked from across the room.

"Please don't tell Draco," Crabbe piped up.

Theodore Nott moaned, clutching his head in his hands and looking around the room with bleary eyes. "What the hell happened?" He whimpered softly, mumbling to himself. "I knew the snakes would get me in my sleep!'

Dean Thomas gave a pained sort of murmur in agreement. "Weren't we supposed to experience some sort of pleasure before pain like this?"

Seamus kicked Dean with his foot. "I don't have my wand. Do you?"

Daphne grabbed a book off the desk behind her and hefted it like a weapon. "Let me get this straight. I go to bed and everything is normal. Then I wake up, hung-over, without my wand, and surrounded by Gryffindors. I want to know what's going on, and I want to know now."

Hermione looked around warily. "Anyone eat any suspicious looking lemon drops lately?"

Neville sighed. "Just because he refuses to properly prepare Harry for battle, refuses to provide us with an adequate education, and allows us to nearly die every year…" He trailed off, scratching his head. "Where was I going with this again?"

Pansy scoffed. "Oh please. Dumbledore may be amazingly dense and slightly oblivious, but he is far from evil. The man practically shits sunshine."

Ron moaned, coming to consciousness slowly. "Mum," he whined, "Fred and George hurt me again. Make them stop.'

Daphne snorted. "I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be strong and courageous. Blindly rushing in where others fear to tread, or some such nonsense."

Seamus snickered. "That only applies to the forces of darkness. Not annoying and creative older brothers.'

"What's going on?" Ron sat up quickly; before paling and clutching at his head. "What happened?"

Hermione sniffed a piece of cloth lying near the door. She wrinkled her nose and pushed it away swiftly. "Ether. Cloth soaked in ether. Someone drugged us and moved us here."

"Someone drugged us?" Daphne glared, throwing her book at Ron.

From outside the door excited murmurings could be heard. "That sounded like Ron! I told you he would be the first hurt! Pay up Ernie!"

"Wait a minute." Blaise held up his hand to quiet the room, head cocked towards the door. "Someone's out there."

"We can't just let them fight each other. We need to tell them they are there to communicate."

"That sounds like Susan," Hermione whispered.

"But I want blood shed!"

"Michael! We are not here for fighting; we are here to promote a sense of unity!"

"And to keep Malfoy from biting out necks."

"Justin! This is not about Draco being a vampire! And Luna! Stop singing Kum By Ah! We're here to help. That's what friends are for. They help each other."

"Yeah, well, friends don't usually need to confiscate their friends' wands to ensure their own safety either."

"Well… I'm just a bit worried that they'll be a little… upset; when they wake up locked in a room together."

"A Hufflepuff did this?" Blaise looked truly shocked. "I thought they were all about flowers, and love, and laughter, and, and," he gestured, "togetherness or something." He looked around the room, an uneasy expression on his face. "On second thought, this practically screams Hufflepuff."

Hermione got up and staggered to the door, banging on it firmly. The whispered conversation on the other side ceased abruptly. "Open this door! We don't have time for this!"

"Sorry, Hermione," Terry said regretfully. "But it's for your own good. Harry is Malfoy's chosen, and we need you all to get along so the fights stop."

"Quick! Someone wake up Draco and Potter," Pansy hissed.

Neville hurried over to where Draco and Harry had been carefully arranged together, Draco's face pressed conveniently against Harry's neck, and shook them gently. Draco looked around and then closed his eyes, snuggling closer to Harry's body. "Never knew you were such an exhibitionist, Potter," he mumbled sleepily. "Hoping to teach your inferior friends a thing or two by having them observe us?"

Seamus snickered. "Told you Malfoy was a kinky bugger."

Harry murmured, turning over to snuggle into Draco's chest. "S'wrong? Sleeping. Turn off the light, Mione."

"Sorry, Harry, but I can't turn off the light because your idiotic Hufflepuff friends stole my wand!!"

"What?"

"Everything ok Harry?" A slightly muffled voice called through the door.

"Umm," Harry sat up slowly, rubbing his temples carefully. "I don't understand."

"We're helping you Harry!" Susan called excitedly. "We're helping you and your friends get along! Luna, stop singing Kum By Ah!"

"Oh. Thanks Susan." He looked around the room in confusion. "Did you really think it was necessary to take our wands? And lock us in?"

"We were hoping you'd work it out like Stone Cold Steve Austin!"

"Michael! That is not productive for helping with active listening!"

"Oh come on, Sus. I know you bet three Knuts that Ron would pass out when he realized that Harry and Draco were bonded for life."

"What?" Ron went deathly pale. "Bonded for life? But, but…" His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he crumpled to the floor. Lavender gave him a disgusted look and shoved him further away from her.

Draco looked bewildered. "We're not bonded for life."

"It's the vampire and mate bond," Luna called out cheerfully.

"Looks like I won those Knuts, too. Look, Harry, we just want to help. You can't keep fighting all the time!"

"But you can make Crabbe bleed! Please? I'll give you two Galleons!"

"I thought you bet five Galleons on that?"

"Ssh!"

"Michael!"

Parvati shook her head. "This is so not a school. This is a glorified circus. And we are the monkeys in the cage."

Lavender shrugged. "At least people aren't throwing peanuts at us."

"But if you guys do start bikini wrestling, I'll give you six Galleons! I can conjure some mud for you. Or some jell-o."

"MICHAEL!"

Hermione gave a frustrated groan and stamped her foot impatiently. "What now?"

"Honestly," Pansy sighed. "Gryffindors are so incompetent!" She stood up, dusted off her nightgown, and marched over to Ron. Picking up the book Daphne had thrown at him; she held it above her head and dropped it, allowing it to thump loudly on the floor.

"What was that?" an excited voice asked. "Did you give in to your tempestuous rage and bludgeon someone?"

Blaise looked at the door in surprise. "I didn't know Hufflepuffs knew words like bludgeon."

Lavender snorted. "Welcome to our circus."

Pansy ignored the conversations and instead gave a dramatic and high pitched scream. "What happened?" Susan called out, sounding alarmed. Pansy screamed again.

"I was just kidding about the bludgeoning."

"Michael! You are not helping!"

Pansy started sobbing loudly and hysterically; as she stood there idly examining her nails. "Oh help! It's awful! I can't stop the bleeding!"

"Who's bleeding? Is it Ron?"

"What happened?"

Daphne let out a wail, calmly standing and hefting another book; holding it over her head and pointed towards the door. "Oh no! Merlin help us! Don't die, please don't die!"

Seamus caught on quickly. "Stay away from the light, Carol Ann!"

The door opened rapidly, students tripping each other to enter; wands drawn. Daphne huffed the book, beaming Michael Corner upside the head. Pansy moved swiftly, grabbing the unconscious student and wrapping her arm around his throat. "Give us our wands or the Hufflepuff gets it!"

Susan looked shocked as Ernie practically threw the wands at the students. "We only wanted to help," she whispered mournfully. The students shoved out of the room, glaring bitterly.

Luna waved cheerfully at the departing Slytherin and Gryffindor students as she marched back and forth waving her picket sign energetically. She held out her hand when the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw militia trickled back into the hallway. Terry scowled as he handed over a stack of gold coins. "I don't get it," he complained.

Justin nodded, handing over his own coins to Luna. "Seriously! What are the odds of unarmed students getting away from us before lunch?"

Ernie sighed, shaking his head. "Where did we go wrong?" Susan sniffled tearfully.

Luna merely smiled and kept marching.