***Author's Notes: Since we never got the SwanQueen hug that we all deserved, I wrote one into the chapter! There's some Regina and Emma in this one and some Emma and Killian. Please don't get too worked up about Emma and Killian having a heart-to-heart because that's all it really is. They are good friends and I think that it's equally as important to develop that relationship as it is to develop Emma's obviously growing affections for Regina. Let me know your thoughts!***
Regina squeezes her eyes shut tightly when she feels the sunlight hit her face. She turns her body away from the light but quickly realizes that she seems to have very limited mobility and when she feels a hand move along her waistline, her eyes shoot open and she starts panicking. She is careful not to make any sudden movements but blinks her eyes a few time trying to remember where she is. She is instantly relieved when she sees she is still in the bar.
Then Regina thinks back to last night. She remembers Danielle making an unexpected visit and what a huge ordeal it turned out to be. She thinks about Killian and how he surely hurt himself punching the wall. She sighs thinking about what a mess everything turned out to be but mostly, she is worried about Killian because she recalls how angry and upset he was when he left. Then she remembers Emma coming back to the bar to check on her and she freezes. She turns back slowly to see the blonde sleeping on her back beside her, one arm protectively around her waist, and the other one up over her face blocking the sun that is hitting her in the eyes.
Regina releases the breath that she did not even know she was holding. She squeezes her eyes shut again and bites down on her lower lip, contemplating her options. She needs to get up without waking Emma which is going to be problematic considering she is currently blocked in by her. There is no way that she is going to be able to pull it off. She begins wondering how the both of them got into this situation in the first place. She recalls how upset she was and all the bourbon she had while she was telling Emma about what happened between her and Danielle. She also remembers how comfortable she felt when Emma was holding her. The combination of those things must have caused her to fall asleep at some point.
Regina lays there for another minute or two until she feels Emma start to move beneath her. She decides to take the opportunity to get up as swiftly as she could. Unfortunately, she momentarily forgets about Emma's arm around her waist and she is pulled back down towards the sofa when she tries to get up. The motion causes her to accidentally wake Emma with a sharp jab from her elbow into the other woman's chest.
"OW!" Emma cries, completely out of breath from the strike to her sternum.
"Oh my god, Emma! I'm so sorry." Regina reaches out instinctively to touch the spot on Emma's chest trying to rub out the pain she has just caused the other woman. Seconds later when she realizes that she is still on top of Emma and also rubbing on her chest, she pulls away quickly and pushes herself up onto her feet.
Emma continues to rub on the sore spot when she finally looks at Regina and smirks. "Geez woman, that elbow of yours is no joke. I guess you really wanted to get me back for that very first night out on the sidewalk."
Relieved that Emma is more focused on that than the fact that they were just intimately sharing the sofa, she apologizes again frowning. "I'm really sorry."
Emma laughs this time. "It's fine. I'll live." Then she looks Regina in the eyes, her expression changing to one of concern. "How are you feeling?" She asks.
"I'm fine." Regina answers almost too quickly.
Emma looks at her skeptically. "You got something more convincing than that?"
Regina looks at Emma and sees that she is not going to be able to fool her. She sighs and sits back down. "I'm better today. And it gets easier everyday." She pauses for a moment so that she can gather her thoughts. "I never expected to see Danielle again after the split." She shakes her head. "I don't think that Killian did either. For as hurt and angry as I am, I know that it's just as much of a nightmare for him, and that part of it makes it all so much worse for me."
Emma nods but does not reply.
Regina continues. "I've been beating myself up for the last several months because it was my idea for us to spend the holidays together. I keep thinking that maybe if I didn't suggest it, that things would still be alright. Or, at the very least, Killian would still have his wife."
"Regina…"
"She proposed to me because she wanted to get a reaction out of her. She actually went out and bought a ring, planned an engagement, and she proposed to me, Emma. Who does that? When I saw her last night, I saw exactly who she really is. And I think that one day, I will finally be able to forgive myself for not seeing it any sooner." Regina looks over at Emma and takes a deep breath. "Is that better?"
Emma smiles and puts her hand on top of Regina's and squeezes it reassuringly. "Yes. And I would just like to say that even though I haven't known you for very long, you are the strongest and bravest woman that I know."
Regina rolls her eyes with much more exaggeration than she usually does.
Emma laughs and squeezes Regina's hand again, this time more playfully. "Weren't you just going to say 'thank you' every time you felt the need to roll your eyes at me?"
Regina pulls her hand away and stands up. "No. Because you're ridiculous." But as she walks away, she could not help but smile.
"Well.." Emma stutters trying to think of a comeback but falls short. "Well, you snore!"
Regina whips around quickly to deny the claim. "I do not!"
"You're right, you don't snore." Emma laughs. "But you definitely like to cuddle. That wasn't something I was expecting." Emma says with a smirk.
Regina feels warmth in her face just thinking about Emma's arms wrapped around her all night long as they were sleeping. But, she was not about to back down. "That sofa is so small, I don't blame you for mistaking any of that for cuddling."
"Uh huh. You can try to deny it but I know what happened." Emma says still grinning. "So...did you sleep well? Because I did."
"I slept alright considering the circumstances." Before Emma can say anything else that makes her feel more embarrassed, Regina turns towards the clock on the wall and groans audibly. She has a little over an hour before she has to open up the bar.
Emma seems to know exactly what Regina is thinking. "Hey, why don't you go home and rest? I'll just run back to my place, jump in the shower really quickly, and come back to take the first shift. You could probably use a hot shower and your bed."
"Emma, I-"
"I insist. I don't have anything going on today. And if you get enough rest, you can always stop by later."
Regina smiles gratefully at Emma knowing very well that she could use a bit more sleep. "Thank you, Emma."
"It's really not a problem. Now let's get you out of here."
Emma walks over to get her jacket that is still sitting on the bar from the night before and she watches as Regina walks into the back office to get her things. Emma smiles to herself as she thinks about her interactions with Regina this morning. It seems to be getting easier for Regina to open up to her. Sharing her story about her relationship with Danielle and then telling her the truth about how she was feeling this morning are things that Emma really appreciates because she knows how difficult it is to let someone new in. And she was not lying when she told Regina how brave and strong she really is. She thinks back to when she first saw Danielle and how beautiful and put together she seemed at first glance. And from what Regina told her, a big time attorney, so she is obviously an intelligent woman as well. How incredibly stupid would you have to be to give up someone as incredible as Regina, she muses.
Regina can see that Emma is lost in her thoughts and wonders what she is thinking about or if Emma sees her differently than she had before, after what she has learned. It was a very kind gesture for Emma to come back to check up on her last night and finally talking to someone about what happened has somehow helped her to feel better about it. Even though Danielle may not have gotten the closure that she was seeking by stopping by to see her, Regina knows that it has helped her to take a step towards letting that part of her life go.
"Are you ready to go? I can drop you off on my way home."
The sound of Regina's voice pulls Emma away from her thoughts. "Oh, yeah. That would be great. Thanks."
Regina nods and starts walking towards the front door. Before she opens it, she turns around to find that Emma is right on her heels. She reaches out to grab Emma's arm in order to keep the other woman from walking right into her.
Emma grabs onto Regina as well. Then she says as she is laughing, "You need to give a girl some warning before you make sudden movements like this. I could have taken you out."
"I'm sorry, I just really wanted to thank you again." Regina says softly.
"Regina, I told you, it's fine. I would just be at home laying around anyway."
"No. I mean, yes. Thank you for that." Regina looks into Emma's eyes making sure that she understands how important this is to her. "But, what I meant was that I really wanted to thank you for last night. For coming back and forcing me to talk. And for doing it again this morning. I think that I really needed the push."
"You don't have to thank me for that, Regina. I told you last night, I want us to be friends." Emma smiles. "I want you to know that you can trust me and can come to me whenever you need someone to talk to."
Regina nods. "And that goes both ways, Emma. If you ever feel the need for someone to talk to, please know that I'm here for you as well."
"I know." Emma says. "And I really appreciate it."
Without really thinking about it, Regina moves closer to Emma and wraps her arms around her in a hug.
Emma folds her arms easily around Regina's waist and pulls her in tightly. Emma knows that she is enjoying their closeness more than she should be and pulls herself back away from Regina. She smiles again trying to hide her anxiousness and luckily, Regina does not seem like she notices any of the awkwardness. She follows Regina out and pulls out her keys to lock the door. Then she follows Regina as they walk to her car. But for the rest of the morning, Emma broods about how the sudden shift in her relationship with Regina may have inadvertently caused a stir of new feelings that will make things very complicated for her.
Killian shows up to the bar a whole half hour before the beginning of his shift in hopes that he could talk to Regina. He knows that he has some groveling to do and he wanted to tell her that he would cover the costs for fixing the wall that he has damaged. When we walks in, he is surprised to see that Emma is standing behind the bar instead. She is talking and laughing with one of the regulars sitting at the bar and when she sees him, she smiles. He walks over, shakes hands with the man who is now getting up and ready to leave, and then walks into the back to put his jacket in Regina's office.
When he reappears, Emma has just cleaned the bar and is sipping from a mug. He looks at her curiously so she says, "I brought some hot chocolate packets. And there is some whipped cream in the cooler. Help yourself."
Killian shakes his head. "Maybe later. Where's Regina? Is she alright?"
Emma nods. "Yeah, she's alright. She's at home, probably catching up on some sleep. How are you?"
"I'm fine." He answers.
Emma just laughs and takes another sip of her hot chocolate.
"What's so funny?"
"I just can't tell you how tired I am of hearing those two words. It's really irritating, Killian." Emma looks at Killian and watches as he furrows his brow in confusion. "Are you actually fine? If you tell me yes, I won't ask you again and I'll leave it alone because the last thing I want is to be annoying about it."
Killian wonders what has gotten into Emma and why all of a sudden she is being so brash but it quickly dawns on him. "Regina told you everything, didn't she?"
Emma puts her mug down and folds her arms across her chest. "Yeah. She did."
Killian sighs. "You know what I spent all of last night doing?" Emma does not answer him so he continues. "I spent all night worrying about Regina because as much as I hate Danielle, seeing her was easier than it would have been for me to see Elle. And you know what, Regina was just so damned good at it. She never once wavered."
"Well, Regina is pretty much a rockstar when it comes to harboring her feelings. But it did get pretty heated towards the end there. I thought that she was going to lose her cool so many times last night."
"I shouldn't have provoked her. I know that I made things worse. It's just that...seeing that horrible woman in here after so long. I wanted to throw her out of here by her hair for hurting Regina the way that she did. It's funny because I'm more angry at her for that than I am that she stole my wife away from me."
They do not say anything else for a moment. Emma picks her mug up again and sips at it. Then she timidly asks "Have you seen Elle at all? I mean, since March?"
Killian scrunches his face and shakes his head. "No. She didn't even have the decency to have a conversation with me about it after they told us and it is not for the lack of trying because I must have left her hundreds of messages that week. She must have had her shit packed up and out of the house that morning because by the time I made it home, it was like she never lived there."
Emma frowns. She does not understand how anyone could be so cruel to someone they shared a bed with for so long. "So, when you were looking to the front door last night after Danielle got here, you were looking for her." Emma states knowing already what his answer will be. "Would you have wanted to see her?"
Killian chuckles dryly. "I have been thinking about that since the bitch left here last night. And I honestly don't know. I may have wanted to in that moment but I can't tell you what my reaction would have been if she had come into the bar."
"Regina told me that you were together for a long time…" Emma trails off not even knowing where the thought was going to take her.
"Yes, but I guess it wasn't long enough to really know the woman. We were together for eight years, married for five, and not once in the time that I've known her did she ever even mention that she was attracted to women. Losing her was one thing, but losing her to someone that I could never compete with is why I'm still so angry. And gods, Emma. I still love her. I'm still in love with her and I don't know how to let her go." Killian pulls the chain that he has around his neck from inside his shirt to reveal his wedding band on the end of it. "Do you know how many times I've walked down to the waterfront wanting to toss this into the Sound? And I can't do it because I am a fool."
"Killian, there isn't anything I can say that will make you feel better if you're not ready to feel better. I know this because I know how it feels to be heartbroken. And no one can tell you to stop grieving when you're not ready to because it isn't just black and white. It's mostly just gray and messy. But, I can tell you that you are not a fool. If loving makes us foolish, then all of us are fools."
"No, you're right. I suppose I'm just not ready to let it go."
"Regina told me today that seeing Danielle helped her to see who she really is and it may help her to heal from it. Maybe that is what you need, too. But only you will know that for sure."
"I'm not ready to see her. I'm still too angry about it." Killian says.
"Well, you knowing that is probably a huge part of the battle."
Killian nods. "So, is that chocolate thing you've got there any good? I think I need one."
Emma laughs. "It is with some Baileys in it. It'll probably taste just like home to you. Hand me a mug and I'll make you one."
Killian grabs one and hands it to Emma. He watches as she mixes the cocoa powder with some hot water. When that is done, she reaches onto the shelf to grab the bottle of Baileys pouring a generous helping into the mug as well. She tops it off with a little whipped cream and hands it to him. Killian takes a sip and smiles. "This is better than I thought it would be."
"They are even better with milk but I was too lazy to heat any up. Regina doesn't like it when I make a mess of her kitchen anyway."
Killian nods and slowly smiles at Emma. "So, she's alright then?"
"Yeah, she's okay. And the both of you will be more than alright eventually. I will personally see to that." Killian smiles at her and she is finally convinced that he will be just fine. "Now, can you please get your ass in the kitchen and get ready for work because I need you to make me some lunch. I'm starving."
"Yes, ma'am! Cheeseburger, no ketchup, coming right up!" Killian says as he walks into the kitchen with his Irish hot chocolate.
