Sayori was noticing a trend, and she legitimately didn't know what to think of it. It had actually started back when she first hunted down Monika to talk to her about the club. She walked in and saw the girl looking thoughtfully off into space. She approached her cautiously, certain that a girl like her wouldn't even give Sayori the time of day. As she grew closer, the thought that hit her most powerfully was 'Oh no she's so pretty!' Of course, that had seemed natural, the kind of thing that anyone with eyes would think upon seeing her. Like, duh, of course she was pretty.
The real trouble came during their first official meeting. Monika had brought some pillows in to sit on, with the intention of leaving them in the club closet for whenever someone might want a comfy seat. They were reclining and making further plans for the future of the club – activities, festival stuff, all kinds of things! But then their attention was captured by the sound of the door slowly sliding open. A girl cautiously poked her head in, nervous as anything. "P-Pardon me, I don't mean to intrude. Is this the literature club? I-I think I have the correct room number here."
Monika was all smiles and pleasantries. "Oh yes! Please, come right in, there's no need for such formality here. We're trying to make this club as warm and inviting as possible." She rose and went to meet the girl more personally, offering a hand. "I'm Monika, this is Sayori. What's your name?"
It almost seemed as though the strange girl was legitimately considering not taking the hand, but eventually she caved and shook it softly. "Y-Yuri. Pleased to meet you both."
The two of them returned to the small circle of pillows and sat down. And that was when the thought came to Sayori once again, now that she was able to get a better look at Yuri. 'Oh no, she's so beautiful!' Her cheeks were growing rosy and now she felt like she was the most nervous one in the room. This little illiterate nothing like her, sitting here with two beauties, and ones who actually were readers at that. Did the club even need her?
Without really meaning to, she began to grow more quiet, only participating in conversation when someone addressed her. Just a few minutes ago, she had been excitedly throwing out ideas for the club, bouncing on her pillow each time a new one struck her. Now, she was barely managing to offer noises of approval when one of the others puts forward a thought.
Perhaps she had been hoping that time would ease her nerves and confusion, but there was to be no such luck that day. Another half hour later, the door opened once again and another girl poked her head into the room. Unlike Yuri, she wasn't nervous at all. "Literature club right? You guys accepting members? I mostly read manga, that's not gonna be a problem is it? Cuz I'm not gonna waste my time with a bunch of judgmental jerks."
She strolled right up to them, and... and it happened again. 'Oh no... she's so cute...' Sayori knew she should be offering some kindness to the new girl. She should be telling her that manga totally counted. But all she could focus on was all these weird things her brain was doing to her.
Monika was more than capable of taking up the slack, smiling at her as brilliantly, unperturbed by her brash tone. "No judgments here. If you can read it, it's literature, and we welcome it. And we welcome you! I'm Monika, that's Sayori, and Yuri just got here a little while ago. Right now we're just going over all the boring stuff, but tomorrow should be a more entertaining meeting."
"It's cool. I love boring stuff. Boring stuff is the best" she said with a bright laugh, flopping onto an empty pillow without grace. "Name's Natsuki. Apologies in advance, but you're not gonna get rid of me just by feeding me the old 'we're boring' line. I've been looking for a club to join and this sounds perfect."
Whatever conversation followed, it basically faded into the background. Sayori just... couldn't focus. The next thing she knew, the meeting was over and both Yuri and Natsuki were cheerfully leaving the room while she and Monika cleaned up. Neither of them spoke, not until they were on their way out of the school building. "Ah hey, Sayori, is everything... alright?"
Ugh, couldn't she have just not asked that question instead? The only thing she knew that was really 'wrong' with her at the moment was also incredibly private and embarrassing. Never mind the fact that it involved Monika herself. "Oh, it's nothing really, I think I just overslept this morning." That felt close enough to the truth to not be a lie. "Threw my whole day outta whack, ya know? I promise I'll be more normal in time for tomorrow's meeting."
Monika smiled at her knowingly, shaking her head slowly. "I'm asking this as your friend, silly. Our new members seemed pretty happy, so it's hardly possible to make a better impression. But you were staring off into space almost all afternoon. I was... worried." Making matters worse, Monika held out her hand. And it wouldn't have been right to leave her hanging! So Sayori took it and held it as they strolled along.
Perhaps, if nothing else, a half-truth would be enough to set the girl's mind at ease. "Do you ever find yourself drawing a million tiny comparisons to all the people around you? And it's like... it's like obviously you don't even come close to matching up? And obviously you shouldn't be doing this because that's just unnecessary? But now it's there in your head and you can't shake it?" She was starting to get a little desperate and stopped herself before she said something she'd regret.
Looking over at Monika, she was a bit surprised to see that she still looked perfectly understanding. "Hah, well of course! Oh, but... So then you were feeling that way because of... the three of us?" The revelation apparently came as a shock and she nearly stumbled as they turned a corner. "Well... Well of course I would understand that. Yuri and Natsuki are both pretty smart, and quite attractive. But it's not as if you have anything to worry about."
Sayori's head canted to the side slightly. It was good to know that she wasn't alone, even if maybe her own version of admiration wasn't so normal. But what had she meant by that last part? "Nothing to worry about?"
The other girl just giggled, gently releasing her hand and turning to face her. "Well yes! You're very cute, and bubbly. You're filled to the brim with positive energy, and you seem quite eager to give your all when you put your mind to something. And I can say all that knowing you only a few days! You have nothing to be self conscious about..."
Having such kind things said about her should have been heart-warming, but instead it made Sayori all the more nervous and confused. She took a small backstep away from Monika, staring down at her feet. "I-I don't deserve to have someone like you saying such nice things about me..." She didn't realize she was starting to cry until her eyes were already burning and everything looked blurry and far away.
Their hands reattached like two magnets and suddenly Monika was walking her in an unknown direction with great determination. All Sayori could really do was follow along and hope that this wouldn't end in disaster like her brain said it would. By the time they reached their destination, she had managed to wipe away at least a few of the tears and she could see that they were walking up to an unfamiliar house. Monika's, presumably, since she was able to unlock the door and lead the way up to a comfortable bedroom. She was gently sat down on the edge of the bed, and then Monika began searching for something, though Sayori still couldn't quite see what was happening. It only became clear as Monika returned to sit next to her, and very gently started dabbing at her eyes with a soft handkerchief.
The kindness of it all just made her even more stupidly upset, making more tears for Monika to dry. But she kept on doing it dutifully, maybe even happily. "There there, it's okay. Sometimes you just have to have a nice little cry. There's no shame in that."
"Hah. Sometimes I just can't help myself. It's the depression." Oh no... That had simply slipped out, Sayori hadn't meant to drop her problems on someone she'd only just become friends with. But the joke escaped and there was no hope of putting it back into hiding now. She would just have to wait for the inevitable judgment.
Only, perhaps Monika also tried to apply her 'no judgment' rule to real life too. Because all she did was nod her head and continue wiping at her face, clearing away the last of her tears and more than likely straightening up her make-up. "Is that why you also have trouble with getting out of bed?"
"Mhmm..." she responded softly, giving a small nod. She couldn't really lie at this point, could she?
Finally Monika seemed content with her work and gently dropped the handkerchief in her laundry. Sayori wanted to be upset about ruining such a lovely bit of fabric, but if it wasn't bothering her host, then fretting would just be a waste of energy. She sat back down next to her, still smiling at her with that same pretty smile. "Maybe a friendly call in the morning would help?"
Sayori gave a sharp laugh that was a bit more callous than she meant for it to be. "You'd call me, every single morning?"
Monika's face barely changed. If anything, she looked even more assured now. "If it would help even a little bit, even if it would just make you feel better, then yes. I would be absolutely willing to do that for a friend."
"But we've only known each other two days!" Again, the response left her before she could take it back, and now Sayori felt like a massive jerk.
Finally something in Monika began to crack too, and her brow furrowed slightly. Not from anger, more like she was staring at a tough math problem or something. "Maybe but... sometimes, just for a second, it feels like it's been much longer than that. You can tell me if I'm being creepy, but I already feel like it's my job to look after you."
Crying was stupid because it was so embarrassing and annoying, and then when it was finally over, it left you feeling exhausted. So she shuffled over to sit next to Monika and lay her head against her shoulder. Without missing a beat, the other girl placed a protective arm around her. "I don't mind at all. I know I'm a little screwed up, and it means a lot that someone would think I'm worth giving that much attention to. And... And I don't know, I think maybe I feel the same way, like this club is fate or something."
Their conversation drifted off like that for a while. Occasionally Sayori would clear her throat and giggle nervously, or Monika would warmly rub her back and smile at her so sweetly. Maybe she couldn't bring any voice to the stranger thoughts she'd been having that day. But even if she had to keep stuff like that hidden, this was still far better than what her life had been like before. Finally she felt as though she had herself back under control, so Sayori stood and offered a humble bow to Monika. "Thank you so much for... for everything. I-I look forward to your call tomorrow morning."
Monika giggled and stood up as well, pulling her into a brief, tight hug. "Give it time, you'll be annoyed by me eventually."
Finally, Sayori was laughing again, sounding like her old self – and not just because she was forcing it. "Impossible."