While there were definitely benefits to waking up in a bed with someone else, Yuri found that sometimes she still liked her solitude, even from the girls she loved. It was so nice to wake up in a bed that belonged solely to you, with blankets that you weren't fighting over, and all the pillows could be hogged as much as you liked. She was happy being in a place where no one was shaking her awake or telling her not to waste the day. Yuri still needed to be free to get up on her own schedule from time to time.
Not that she intended to be a layabout. But sometimes she just needed some alone time.
When she did finally crawl out from under the warm covers, she stumbled down into the kitchen in her pajamas. She saw that the kettle, already filled with water, sitting next to a mug with a tea infuser. There was a sticky note attached written in familiar scribbles. "Property of Yuri! That means you!" Underneath was an equally familiar smiley face.
"Sayori~ Aggressively thoughtful as always." She set the water to boil and then settled on one of the stools by the counter, looking out the window at their little paradise. It was still taking some getting used to – knowing that their world wasn't real, that perhaps at one time none of them were real, and accepting for the time being that they might never really understand why that changed. But they were safe and happy and together, and maybe it was okay for that to be enough.
She was pulled from her thoughts by the whistling of the kettle. With practiced hands she poured out the water and added the infuser that Sayori had thoughtfully filled with loose chamomile leaves. Once steeped, she added the necessary amount of milk and honey before making her way into the library. Out of everything, this was perhaps the most magical part for Yuri. Natsuki and Monika had outdone themselves with this place, making bookshelves that could essentially provide any book imaginable through some manner of internet wizardry.
Still, even with every book ever at her fingertips, Yuri couldn't help but go back to an old favorite sometimes. She tipped down a copy of the Hobbit and then went over to one of the many cozy couches to snuggle up and read. Things were relatively quiet in the house, and she idly wondered what the others were getting up to. Right about that time, Monika came strolling into the library, going to one of the shelves and fiddling with some of the volumes before selecting something, possibly at random, and coming over to join her on the couch. There were very few people that could sit so close to Yuri while she read, and the entire list was living under the same roof.
Besides, Monika wasn't much of a chatter box during reading time, so Yuri could trust her to provide peace and quiet. There was something delightfully intimate about reading with someone, neither person saying a word, but still that almost intermingling magnetic force between the two of you that you couldn't ignore. In the best case scenario, it was calming, comforting. There was nearly a full hour of bliss before either of them even said anything.
"Yuri, can I ask you something?"
Suddenly, she was aware that Monika hadn't come here to read in the first place. But she so respected the girl's need for space that she had perhaps grabbed a book and read with her a while as a pretense. It was endearing in a way that was so very... Monika. Yuri carefully marked her place and closed the book, looking over at her with a smile she hoped conveyed some of that understanding and returned even a fraction of the respect shown to her. "Of course."
"Have you... erm, how do I say this? Have you been... feeding the raccoon lately?"
Surprising not only Monika but herself, Yuri burst out in bright laughter, though her hand was still gently rubbing her arm unconsciously. "It's alright, Monika. You can call it what it is. And no, I haven't really cut in a while. It feels... wrong, with all of you."
She seemed both grateful to be given permission but also nervous about pressing on. "I was wondering... i-if it ever becomes a problem... well... I might have an idea of something that could... help."
It was such a strange thing to see Monika be so hesitant and nervous. But Yuri's interest was piqued enough that she was willing to ignore that in favor of getting more information. "Help?"
"I was honestly a bit intrigued by the whole thing. About finding a kind of joy or release from hurting yourself. I... I did some research."
This conversation was undoubtedly destined to be more serious, but Yuri found herself giggling again, trying futilely to cover her mouth with her hand. "You did? For me?" That was such an oddly sweet thing to do. Now both of them were blushing – Monika from embarrassment, Yuri from affection.
Not only was it strange to see her fumbling, but Yuri was also enjoying getting to watch as Monika fumbled with something so strange like this. "Well! It got my brain working, and sometimes when I latch onto an idea, I just run with it. That's how we ended up out here in the first place. But I think maybe I might know of a way to feed into that desire for intense experience without leaving more scars. But it's also... the kind of thing that requires a great deal of trust and understanding. And I don't want to spring this on you without warning."
Monika stood and went to one of the bookshelves, studying it for a moment before pulling down a particular book and coming back over to stand in front of her. "I hope it's not condescending that I thought you might appreciate starting with a book. No hurry, just read this when you can, and when you're finished with it, we can discuss it." Before Yuri could really give a proper response, Monika was leaving the library for parts unknown.
Yuri looked back down at the book, eyeing the cover. "Hurt Me Plenty: Exploring BDSM with your Partner...? Monika, what in the world?"
It didn't take so long for Yuri to figure it out, because as soon as she started reading, she had devoured the entire thing in almost no time at all. She returned the book to the shelves and hurried upstairs to see where Monika had gotten off to. Her girlfriend, it turned out, was waiting quite patiently in her room, reclining with a book of her own. She looked up as Yuri stepped through the doorway and immediately lit up with a smile. "You finished? I should have known you'd steamroll through it instantly..." She giggled, putting her own book away and sitting up, making room for Yuri to join her.
Yuri was happy to oblige, setting next to her and smiling bashfully. "It was... beyond fascinating. Everything the author talked about was another in a long line of interesting theories and ideas. Really, the only issue I had was that there was no sense of praxis. But then... is that... where you want to come in?"
"If you'd like. If you don't mind... If I'm being honest, my offer isn't entirely selfless. I know that sometimes I just want to feel in-control, and helping you will perhaps also help me too. Is that terrible of me?"
She reached out and carefully placed her hand on top of Monika's. "No. Everything works best when there's a balance of give and take. If you were doing this only because you wanted to help me, I might start feeling guilty. But if I know that you'll be enjoying it too, then I can rest easy. Or... not rest, as I suppose the idea might be."
That seemed to put Monika more at ease, though it was impossible to achieve full comfort considering what they were both dancing around. How the hell did one even start something like this? Perhaps Monika sensed this and stood up, going to the door and shutting it gently. "Well then, would you like... ah... try something?"
Yuri froze up, staring at Monika and trying to make her mouth for some kind of statement. Anything at all. But now that she was actually here, imagining those things she'd read about, being done to her by her girlfriend, it was kind of overwhelming. "I..."
She moved back to her side, rubbing a hand up and down her back soothingly. "Or we can wait, I'm perfectly fine with whatever you want. That's the whole point, right?"
"No!" Yuri shook her head a bit manically. "I completely want to. It's just that there was so much to think about in that book, I don't even know where I would want to start." She paused thoughtfully, staring down at her lap, then looking back toward Monika. "But then, I can defer to you, right? That's a part of the process, yes?"
Immediately, Monika broke out in a bright smile. "Well, I had a few ideas." Yuri watched as she reached up, tugging her ribbon free from her hair, wondering where this was heading.
When Yuri got out of bed that morning, she hadn't really assumed she might end up here. Even knowing the exact chain of events, it was still difficult to follow what had happened. And yet here she was, barely clothed, wrists tied up with Monika's bow, bent over her lap. "I told you, it's fine."
Monika's hand was gently resting against her backside, moving hesitantly. "I don't want to hurt you..."
"That's literally the entire point." She huffed impatiently. Getting all this way only for Monika to be the nervous one instead was actually making Yuri kind of desperate for something, anything to happen. "Don't forget, I have literally taken blades and used them to slice open my skin. My pain threshold is nothing to sneeze at."
"Right. O-Obviously. Okay." Suddenly the hand left her skin, and the next thing she felt was a sort of slapping sensation. It was... good? Hardly the kind of thing that was going to get Yuri the high she needed. "Was that better?"
Yuri was getting kind of frustrated, but she needed Monika to get over this fear she had of hitting too hard. "Monika, you will be the very first to know if you do something wrong. Right now, the only mistake you're making is in holding back. Please... I need you to do this for me." Without warning, there was a much sharper sensation this time, and she gave a rather shameless squeak in response. "That... Ju-Just like that... Again?"
"Mmmm, maybe. If you ask nicely." Oh dear. Had she accidentally flipped some kind of switch inside her girlfriend? Suddenly she was sultry and confident and teasing. Monika's hand gently rubbed the spot she'd just struck, firing off a whole other set of neurons.
Her mind raced back to the book as she attempted to recall everything she'd read. Right. Monika had read it too. She was pulling from chapter three. If Yuri was to get what she wanted, she would have to do her part too. She couldn't be overly selfish here. "P-Please, Monika... I'm sorry for being rude. That felt so good. Please, can I have another?"
She was hit a few more times, her head going hazy, making it harder to think. Every time she cried out in delight, grateful to be somewhere that she didn't need to hold back or hide herself. This amazing, wonderful home where she could be herself, supported and loved.
Yuri was entirely lost in her own little world, completely missing the fact that the door had opened. "What... the fuck?" That had been... Natsuki?
"W-Wait! Come back!" And there was Sayori.
Monika sighed, gently helping Yuri to her feet and undoing the ribbon binding her wrists. "Oh dear. We should probably go check on them..."