Hello everyone I apologize for the very long wait, I started fixing up this chapter in October but I got buried with school work and college stuff, I mean hey I'm going to my number one so all the busy work was worth it, and I'd suggest if anyone is in junior or senior year, start early on your search but anyway back to the story, I hope you all enjoy this chapter its a long one, I have time on break so i'll try and get some stocked up before school starts again so I can upload semi-regularly. Happy late holidays. Enjoy.
Finals were the worst, not really finals but like midterms, or well practice midterms that we had before the first break at the end of the first trimester. I pushed open the school buildings doors and made my way back to the Goethe building. The late November weather had already set in with the grass lightly frosted and crunchy, the trees laid bare of their leaves. It was just cold enough to have my breath clearly seen as I crossed to the Goethe building. By the time I reached the dorms my hands were shoved deep down into my pockets to try and preserve the little warmth I had left. I pushed open the doors with my foot and rushed in before they closed. The commons room was full with rosy-faced and joyous students crowded around the fireplace that I had always believed to be simply for show. One from my math class called me from across the commons to get some hot chocolate supplied by the Costa they had on campus. Of course, I had a cup, I had time to kill before Alek finished his Midterms for Mechanics. When I was done socializing and hearing other people's plans for their week long break I had drained two cups of hot chocolate and decided I would hold off on a third and save it for Alek, who only had another fifteen minutes until he would be back so I made my way to our room. I threw my bag on the bed and flopped down next to it, it felt weird getting ready to go home for a week, my bag was packed at the foot of my bed ready to go the morning after next, while Alek was staying the week. I checked my phone and went to hop in the shower.
Stepping out of the shower into the chilly air of the bathroom was harrowing. I went underneath the cabinet and grabbed the Ace bandages I kept in my shower bag and began to wrap up. Once that process was over I put on a pair of off-black jeans, a gray tank top undershirt, once that was on I turned to see if the wrap worked as well as I hoped it did. It kept everything pretty flush to my body but for a wrap job like this it was painful, especially since my body had decided to do some late blooming. Turning back to face the mirror I finished off the outfit with a maroon button up. I then began on fixing up my hair with a little bit of gel, Alek had brought it but the dafties hair fixed up perfectly without it. I envied that power. With my hair pushed up and combed back, and the excess gel used to flatten the short hair on the side I was ready for the night.
Tonight was a big night, it was a tradition that after midterms a good amount of students would sneak off campus unbeknownst to teachers, or we would like to think that and go down to London. The tradition had been going on even before Jaspert was here. Most of the students would use the night out to go to a cinema or a fancy place for dinner, maybe even a bit cheeky Nandos, and if you had cash or a fake, sneak into some music venues, maybe have a pint or two. Which was indeed my plan. I pushed open the bathroom door as Alek opened the dorm room door and he looked chilled to the bone. His teeth were still chattering and his cheeks were a dark pink, most of his hair was poking out from under his hat, most of it frazzles and curly, sticking up in random places. Most likely due to messing with it in annoyance at his final along with the wind on the walk back from the hanger. I walked over to my desk and picked up the third hot chocolate I snagged for him. The smile that spread across his face was so grateful that I couldn't help but laugh and feel a bit of warmth flush into my face.
"Honestly Dylan where would I be without you," he said as he graciously accepted the still steaming drink.
"Probably colder and lacking hot chocolate." he nodded in approval and started to unwrap himself, first the hat which left his hair more of a curly red mess that just made you want to run your hands through it and stop that thinking! He pulled off his scarf, jacket and sweater leaving him in a gray sweaty undershirt.
" How can you be that sweaty but at the same time cold?" Shrugging Alek opened his dresser looking for the appropriate clothes for later.
"Well under all of the layers your body gets hot but at the same time your face gets cold and loses heat making you sweaty and cold, I doubt you had that problem."
"Hmm sounds like you're jealous that I got to take my final inside." His face became a bit grumpier
"No, I'm not, I just don't know why we had to work outside when there is plenty of room inside to work on the blocks, and how come you all get nice heated classrooms!" He was getting all huffy and I was trying my hardest not to laugh. I walked over and pinched his red, freckly nose, he swatted my hand away as I said,
"Come on your daft prince, it builds character. Now hurry up and shower we have an hour till we need to be on the bus, you can complain all you want then." He walked off to the bathroom grumbling.
The plan for sneaking out was actually brilliant in its simplicity. You can't go out through the main gates obviously and its private property so there's a fence lining the perimeter about fifteen feet high, but part of the campus is forested off to the side of the runway. That was where everyone meets before sliding through a hole in the fence. No matter how many new fences were put in over the many years it always came back, teenagers were teenagers that never changed throughout the ages I guess. There was a bus that waited on the road, a two-minute walk from the hole to the road and the bus would depart at seven thirty on the dot. Alek and I made it a point to tell Newkirk that it was six thirty so we could avoid being late. After Alek was ready we bundled up and made our way to find Newkirk and brave the frigid outdoors.
The lack of students at the bus was surprising when we finally made our way. It seems this wasn't the most rebellious generation. only about twenty-nine students, Alek and I had expected more out of the class of six hundred plus students. The drive wasn't that bad from LSA to London only about twenty minutes due to the lack of traffic once we go to the city and made our way to Piccadilly circus. During the ride, Newkirk and I discussed our aeronautics midterm and compared answers we remembered as Alek put his head down preparing for the late night ahead of them. The bus was full of the hum of conversation, people discussing what they were doing that night, seeing a girlfriend, catching a film, a fancy dinner or getting properly smashed. There was also the anticipation of when we would receive the pairings for the final project. Alek and I had submitted our forms two weeks ago to make sure we got on the same team and Newkirk who lost the sheet after getting it finally got a copy and turned it in a day after the due date.
There was a shout from the front of the bus, more of a 'whoop' really. It was enough to wake the sleeping ginger who let out a confused string of German, which I could roughly translate meant "are we there yet." I shook my head and leaned out from my seat to find out what was going on, the buzz of conversation had become electric with excitement, I tapped on the kid in front of me on the shoulder.
"What's going on?" He lifted up his phone in what was meant to be an answer but when met with my questioning look responded,
"The pairings were just emailed!" I sat back into my seat, Alek still in his groggy stupor asked,
"Was ist los?" in reaction to German the tutoring must have kicked in because I responded in kind but butcher the pronunciation.
"Pairing-Liste veröffentlicht." [What is it/pairing list released]
He smiled slightly at the German and began laughing as I struggled through pronouncing "veröffentlicht".
"I think you may need more tutoring to perfect it but it's a tough language and you have made leaps and bounds, but I think that's due to your amazing teacher." I punched his shoulder.
"Get stuffed Dummkopf." But I couldn't keep down the prideful smile that broke out on my face. I pulled out my phone and opened up my email and forwarded the list to Alek. "Well, it seems that the gang is sticking together." We all exchanged high fives and turned to look out the window to see Piccadilly circus, the time square of London.
The drive in was easy due to the lack of traffic but now the city was bustling, eight o'clock on a Friday was a hot time. The bus dropped us at Apollo theater. many people branched off from there but I lead Newkirk and Alek down the busy streets of Piccadilly towards the club Jaspert works at. It took us about ten minutes and three wrong turns into some seedy alleys but I managed to find the pink neon sign of The Pipeline, a rock and roll club on Middlesex street.
"Alright guys wait out here I'm going to go find my cousin, he'll let us in. So once he says yes I'll send you a text to head around back." Newkirk nodded and Alek did as well but looked less sure as Newkirk. . Probably the first time he's really broken the rules the barking prince. I pushed through the doors into the club. There was a major line for some band that was headlining that night. I ducked past the ID check and made my way past the pinball and game machines and into the office where the workers took breaks. The room was pretty plain, a few chairs and tables and my brother stretched out on one of them taking a break before going to work the bar till 4:00 in the morning. I got up really close to his ears and yelled,
"Hey, Jas! No sleeping on the Job!" He jerked up and frantically looked around only to see me trying not to lose my clart laughing.
"Christ Deryn, what're you doing here?" He rubbed his hands through his blond crew cut down his face and checked his watch.
"Oh, nothing much just hoping you could let me and my friends in for the show and maybe a few drinks?"
"Absolutely not." His answer stopped me right in my tracks. I was not expecting that
"Why not, clart face?"
"Well maybe being rude isn't going to help," he got up and straightened his clothes, "Also, I'm not going to let my little sister booze around with her friends. If mom finds out..."
"Now stop right there, I'm only two years younger than you. Plus, when was the last time you talked to ma since joining the RAF, and for the record, right now I'm not your sister, I'm your cousin who is a guy, my friends don't know so you don't need to worry." He threw up his arms exasperated, but out of excuses.
"Come on Deryn make this easy on me. I can't have anything happen to you, I'd never hear the end of it!"
"My friends are good people, plus Alek probably isn't going to have anything. He's trustworthy and my roommate."
"Ah is this the famous Alek Haagen-Dazs you're always going on and on about?" I need to start keeping my mouth shut. "Fine, on the conditions that I can cut you off anytime and that you pay full price, with tip for your down on his luck military cousin, and finally you leave no later than 12:30."
"It's Hohenberg, for your information, and I'm not paying you tip"
"Sorry to insult his royal highness, plus I'm pretty sure your boyfriend's last name was Haagen-Dazs. Anyway no tip, no entry. Come on, I'll open the back."
I could feel my face getting redder at his accusations, "He's not my -!"
"Yea, yea calm down sis, plus your face is almost as red as your shirt so I feel like I might be right." With that he left the room and headed for the back and I texted Alek, We're in.
Jaspert propped the back door open with a trash bin and lit a cigarette while we waited. It took about two minutes till Alek and Newkirk showed up. Jaspert threw out his cigarette and reached out to shake their hands,
"You must be Newkirk," Newkirk nodded and Jaspert was then shaking Alek's hand, "You must be Haagen-Dazs," Jaspert shot me a look and he did a mock bow, "Nice to meet you, your highness" Alek looked confused and looked at me with an expression that read quite like 'What's going on'
"Ah yes, I am the Haagen-Dazs? I see my reputation has preceded me, you are Dylan's cousin correct?"
"That I am. Now let's hurry it up I'm freezing my bum off out here." We threw our coats in the breakroom and were led past the ID check, all that was needed was a nod and a handshake from Jaspert to get us in and we made our way down the stairs. The lower club was hazy and crowded and much hotter than it was outside, Jaspert slid himself behind the bar and got to tending
"Hey, coz, can we get three Misirlou shooters and an old fashioned, anything for you two." In the low neon lights of the club, it was hard to see their expressions, Newkirk looked excited but adamant, while Alek looked positively overwhelmed. Jaspert put down the drinks and gave me a hard look and leaned over the bar and growled at me,
"Better be a big tip bumrag." I rolled my eyes and slapped a few notes down onto the table. I leaned over to Alek.
"Are you okay you look like you're halfway to fainting." He looked a bit overwhelmed at first and he tried saying something but the music kept blocking him out and I kept getting distracted by how the neon lights highlighted his sharp features and gave his eyes a different look. Suddenly I felt a jolt as he pushed himself forward next to my ear and said what he had been trying to get out.
"I am okay, just overwhelmed is all I'm not used to this "teenage rebellion". I don't think I'll partake in anything but that small one you bought, I'll be the designated driver so to speak." With this, I couldn't help but laugh. I reached over and mussed his hair in the way of a noogie.
"It's not rebellion daftie, it's just having a good time. Now come on, let's kick this night off," I nodded to Newkirk and we all grabbed our shooters, "Now remember, it's cheers, knock, and then, knock them back." We all clinked glasses and knocked them against the bar, I held mine and watched Alek take his shot, He immediately started coughing, Newkirk swallowed his without much trouble. Laughing, I nodded to Jaspert who was rolling his eyes and trying to hold back laughter while serving other customers, Well, bottoms up.
12:00
Newkirk had left an hour earlier to get a ride back to the dorms with his roommate, who was running pickups for most of the people that night. Alek and I cleared out when the next band came in with some new synthetic punk. We grabbed our coats and headed out into the chilly London night. The next hour was fuzzy as I swerved around the sidewalk and Alek tried to keep me on course, I kept bumping into him and giggling, giggling! He must think I'm some kind of floozy, I just need to keep my cover and quit the girly giggles every time we touch. Sadly, the alcohol wasn't going to help on that front as I had lost my filter during the first band's second set. Swaying into Alek I managed to slur out something that might unleash a flood,
"Aye you're princely-ness, you're a goood friend and I like youoooo." sparing me from the awkwardness of the last words was my slurring Scottish lilt and the attempt I made at poking his nose which had a big freckle right at the tip of it, he swatted the assaulting finger away thinking I was going to pinch it again.
"Thank you, Dylan, I'm glad you think that and you are a great friend to me as well, but we should probably get us a ride home." I swayed myself away from him and swung in a circle trailing my arm around a light post.
"Oh come onnnnn Alek, you're a party popper…" With that, I started to flop forward. Alek sprung forward and caught me in his arms that once were lanky and were now well-toned, and I found my face pressed into his scarf as he was hoisting me up and what I smelled almost made my knees turn to jelly, it had the scent of cigarette smoke from the bar but underneath was the smell of engine grease, hair product, and Alek's natural smell of cinnamon with an undertone of muskiness. He sat me down on a bench and started flagging down a Cabbie. Luckily, a restaurant manager was closing shop and saw Alek's fruitless plight to get a cab at one twenty in the morning, he told Alek that he and I could sit inside while he called a cab for us. The warmth was refreshing but the alcohol clogging my mind only wanted to be wrapped up with Alek and his scarf, without meaning to I groaned and set my head town on the table. Alek sat down next to me and started rubbing my back.
"What am I going to do with you, Dylan?" He said laughing slightly, I sat back up pouting slightly and pushed my finger up to his face missing his lips and poking the tip of his nose.
"My name, not Dylan, it's a sooooo do nym[pseudonym]," What am I doing stop talking! "my real name is Deryn." Why would I do that, what is wrong with me.
"That makes sense, Dylan makes sense as a nickname, but Deryn is a pretty cool name I'm sure some of those girls at the club would have found it dashing." He said that last part laughing, a few girls had come up to me to try and buy me drinks but I had refused. Thank god, he thinks it's just a name, not an entire gender hidden from him, I need to shut my big mouth.
It was now one fifty and with a lot of convincing the cab driver dropped us off on the dark stretch of road that led back to the hole in the fence. By this time, I had almost revealed my secret solely through all of my high-pitched giggling, I had said the friend thing again multiple times but anything that was overly weird was shrugged off due to me being drunk. Maneuvering through the forest was tough enough in the dark but I was tripping over way more things until I ran into the fence and fell back onto my bum. I started to laugh hysterically as Alek started to look me over and question for injuries. In answer to his questions, I crawled through the hole in the fence and plopped myself down on a fallen tree. Alek made his way though and saw me slumped over onto the tree.
"Come on Dylan, get up. We need to get back to the dorm."
" My feet hurt, I'll sleep here." I crossed my arms and huddled into myself. Come on Deryn you're being a difficult bumrag just get up. Alek let out an exasperated sigh.
" How about I carry you?" No
"Yes" I put my arms out and he scooped me up like I weighed nothing. No this needs to stop I can walk put me down before I do something stupid like- my next thoughts were interrupted as I put my face into his scarf and inhaled, I relaxed and felt myself drifting off as Alek made his way back to our dorm.
Oh god, my head... Cracking open my eyes was another challenge as the light increased my headache. I propped myself up in bed the speed of the movement sends my head throbbing. I fell backward into my pillow and looked at my clock, it was ten fifteen and a note was propped against my clock. Picking myself back up slower this time I snatched the note away from my clock and propped myself up with an elbow.
Hey, Dylan. It's ten o'clock I'm going to go workout for the normal time, I'll meet you by the lunchroom at eleven thirty, shoot me a text that you're up so I know whether or not to come wake you up.
I smiled slightly as I texted him and then grimaced as I twisted my head a bit too quickly and put my hands up to my face as the events of last night came flooding back,
"What the hell was I thinking, AGH!" I threw my phone across the room onto my open travel bag. I pulled off my covers and grabbed a set of clothes, and quickly jotted a note for if Alek came back for a change of clothes and I wasn't here.
I'm down at the lunch room meet you there
I stumbled my way into the bathroom and turned the hot water on full blast, I didn't hear my phone buzz, with the message, "message could not send."
The heat of the water helped clear a bit more of the hangover away. I regretted my decision to drink and I regret the fact that I think I should have listened to Jaspert. Which I will never admit aloud, ever. I shut off the shower and hopped out into cold air started drying off. I threw some boy shorts on and got my binding stuff out from my shower kit and set it on the counter. I then began digging around for some Advil. Triumphant I found a full bottle and swallowed two pills and stood looking in the mirror waiting for them to take effect, I ran my hands through my hair lost in thought, Ma, and my aunties are gonna have another fit when they see my hair. I sighed, I opened up one of the drawers and tossed the hair gel into my open shower bag for use when I was at home and went to begin binding.
Suddenly the bathroom door swung open, startling me into tossing the binding in the air and I went scrambling for a towel. I turned pulling it up to my chest to see Alek standing in the door frame trying to stutter out an apology.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't get a text and I found your note and assumed you weren't here. I'm sorry," he was starting to back out of the room when he saw the bandages that I used as binding when he started to look concerned. "Are you okay? Are you injured or anything?" At this point, I regained control of my heart which had jumped to my throat
"Out!" I tried to keep my volume controlled but it seemed to come out as a high pitched shriek. Alek didn't seem like he was starting to move so I yelled again and he snapped out of his trance and shut the door apologizing profusely. I ran over and locked the door, I pushed my back against it and slid down the towel pooling in my lap. I put my hands on either temple my headache had increased tenfold and I began trying to breathe properly and stop hyperventilating. This is a mess everything has gone wrong, oh god why did this have to happen, why, why, why me. It took me five minutes to get up and go back to wrapping up myself. It took me another twenty minutes to gain enough courage to open the door.
Alek was waiting on his bed his face red from embarrassment and when he saw me he stood up and began to apologize and I just help my hand up for him to stop, ending the stream of sorry's. I couldn't meet his eyes as I asked,
"How much did you see?" He looked a bit confused but after trying to find the right words he seemed to understand and his face seemed to grow redder.
"I well... I um... I guess I saw your chest… are you injured you were covering yourself and there were bandages are you okay?" I held up my hand again to quiet him. He's giving me an out, I need to take it, but he needs to know at some point, just because he knows you're a girl doesn't immediately mean he's going to have a crush on you. I debated mentally for what felt like hours but was mere seconds.
" No, Alek, I'm not injured, but what you saw and what I'm about to tell you stays between us." He nodded still worried but as if something had dawned on him. He must already have figure out. "Alek, I'm a girl, I disguised myself to sneak into LSA. I didn't mean to deceive you; I mean I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I just- "Alek cut me off.
" Deryn," I sat back dumb struck, "Your name is Deryn." I nodded my head in confirmation.
He looked like he was considering the information given to him. His eyebrows drawn together. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, harder and harder as the seconds passed. " So you've been hiding your secret with ace bandages and keeping to yourself, I guess it probably would have taken longer to tell me if I hadn't walked in." I couldn't find an answer and gaped fish mouthed. He sounded hurt with the last accusation. His face scrunched up in thought, he looked mad, or frustrated, at himself or me, I couldn't tell. He stood up from the bed nodding to himself lost in thought his face still scrunched up. His face grew a tinge redder, he turned on his heel walked out the dorm room.
"Alek I-" My heart skipped a beat as the door slammed shut and I could feel the heat rushing to my face as my vision got blurry. My headache had increased to a splitting pain despite the Advil. I could feel tears coming and before I knew it I was face down on my bed, wishing that I hadn't just lost my best friend.
Alek didn't come back for about six hours and in that time, my headache went away as did the tears but they were replaced by dread. Dread that I had lost my best friend and a hopeless feeling that I had ruined any chance that I had of fixing the divide and lost my chance to try and get closer to Alek. I hated feeling like a lovesick school girl swooning at a dopey smile and unknowing flirt, but I would do anything to get it back and replace this heaviness I was feeling. I raged around the dorm room, telling myself to forget Alek he's just another guy who isn't worth my time, swearing in German and messing up his side of the room, I wasn't angry at him. I was just angry that his reaction wasn't like I had hoped.
Newkirk brought me food because I missed lunch, I ate it angrily and went about fixing up his side of the room and once I was finished, I sat on my bed hoping for and dreading Alek's return. It was dark outside by the time he got back, wrapped up in his scarf and hat his hair all frazzled and curly. He switched on the lights and closed the door. I sat up in bed and he threw his winter clothes on the dresser at the foot of his bed. Things remained silent for a few minutes. Alek cleared his throat and as he did an apology burst from my lips and I stood up fully facing him.
"Dylan I. Err Deryn, you don't have to apologize. My reaction wasn't handled," he seemed to be looking for a word, "properly." He ran his hand through his hair messing it up more than it already was. "It was a lot to take in." I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"But I… you… I thought you were mad?"
"I was very mad at first, I felt betrayed, like the person I called my friend, never was who I thought they were." I felt a small knife in my gut when he said that, "But it was mainly due to the shock of it all. I was mad that I couldn't stand up to Fitzroy and that you had been fighting all my battles for me. I needed time to think about our friendship is all, and see if it changed anything and it took me time." I could feel a small glimmer of hope beginning to form.
"What did you decide?" The moment of truth. He took a few moments to figure out what to say.
"I decided that it doesn't change anything, you're still my best friend, the only thing that's different is that you're a girl dressed as a boy and now I can help cover for you if there's ever a need for it." A smile broke out across my face and I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.
"I thought I ruined everything." His smile turned down slightly,
"I'm sorry Deryn. I was very caught up in my own thought I didn't think how you felt, I apologize."
"There's no need, it was a barking terrible situation. What you felt was valid and I'm just glad I don't have to room with someone who doesn't like me."
He laughed at this and walked over to his dresser where his coat was and started digging around in his pockets, "I had a good friend of Austria who was transgendered and they always told me the health problems bandages as bindings could cause so I spent most of the afternoon finding you this." His face gained a slightly reddish appearance as he held out two wide strips of white material. He didn't
" Are those...?" he coughed slightly and nodded,
"Yea I got the adjustable binder Err… because I didn't think it appropriate to ask you." It was all too much, the kindness and thoughtfulness of his gift, the joy that I hadn't lost him as a friend, and I could feel tears starting to come again and I walked across the room and pulled him into a hug.
"Thank you Alek, this means the world to me." He put his arms around me in a return hug and nodded along and responded, "It was no problem." I pulled back from the hug slightly, he was warm and he smelled more of a must than of cinnamon.
As I pulled back I realized we were looking into each other's eyes now, normally I was taller but he had shot up in the past few months, his bright green eyes, pools of verdant light shining back at me with kindness, I could feel a tug in my chest, one that feels like a punch to the chest but in a way that it floods you with a comfortable yet uncomfortable warmth, its pull is almost physical. It was what caused me to do what I did next, I leaned back in.
I'm sure I surprised myself as much as I surprised him, I had been waiting for the right time to do this for so long. For me it wasn't new, being impulsive and starting something bigger than what was our new friendship where he knew who I was and wasn't mad that I was a girl the whole time. Even so he knew I was impulsive but he could have never anticipated it, he had told me that he didn't have many friends or girls who were friends back in Austria so no one had ever been this forward in an action, he just wasn't used to it so at first he froze a bit but after a bit he accustomed himself and answered in kind.
"Alek, can I ask about your parents" he froze, it may have been too much too soon, he knew my secret and he could trust me with his.
"I-Uh, do you really want to know?"