In which Conner learns that babysitting Robin is not for the faint of heart.
Martha Kent had been baking for two days straight. She'd been baking ever since Conner had with a huge grin, told her Batman said Robin could come visit for the weekend. Clark was coming for the weekend. Conner's friend Megan was going to be dropping by. Honestly that infuriating Bat had no idea how big a deal this was to her boys. They were positively beaming. Clark had never forgiven himself for what had happened to young Robin and Conner had been so young back then to deal with the loss of a close friend who was practically family.
"Think of him as your cousin," Clark had told Conner with a goofy grin. "He always called me Uncle Clark."
Conner gave a small smile, "I'd like that."
"Is Megan staying the weekend too?" asked Jonathan. "Where are we going to put everyone?"
Conner and Megan had used to date back in the day, but they were just close friends now.
"I think we may have to resort to sleeping bags in the hay loft. Clark have you still got that old futon up there?" asked Jonathan.
"The mice were into it. I took it out to the dump years ago. I can borrow a cot or two from the JLA. They've got a whole warehouse of emergency relief equipment. No one will miss a few cots."
"Can I stay at your apartment in Metropolis tonight. Batman is dropping him off early in the morning by Zeta. I think the plan was five thirty so there wouldn't people around yet being nosy," Conner spoke. Though Superman would be home most of the weekend, Conner and the entire Kent family knew Batman would never trust Clark alone with Robin again. Conner had to be the front man. Robin would be pleased to see how well Clark and Conner got along now. It had taken a while for them to figure things out. Conner thought of Johnathan Kent as his father figure though most called Clark his dad. Clark was more like an older brother. This arrangement worked far better for everyone. Martha Kent was mom.
Conner had expected to be passed a sleeping child. He hadn't expected the tiny hyper ball of energy. Robin was in uniform. He had a backpack with a bear sticking out of it and a tin of cookies which he shoved at Batman before shouting "YEAH!" and launching himself with two one armed round offs and one hands-free flip right into a high speed leap-hug at Conner who just barely managed to catch him.
"Eh?"
"HI CONNER!" Robin looked him straight in the face wearing a huge grin.
Batman tapped Robin on the head. Robin turned to look at him. "Lower the volume," growled Batman gruffly. He also signed, "shh."
Robin flipped out of Conner's arms and into Batman's hugging him fiercely. Conner caught the cookie tin that was hastily tossed to him. A black cape wrapped gently around the child.
"A few things," Batman reminded Conner. "First, he's deaf, we talked about that. Don't expect him to come when you call and you'll have to be extra vigilant on his behalf. Don't assume he'll detect cars, large animals or other hazards. Second that bear is an antique from another dimension. It doesn't go outside. It doesn't come to dinner. If it's lost or damaged I'll extract of pound of flesh for every tear he cries. Lastly make no assumptions as to what he can and cannot do. Expect him to have the same skill set as any five year old might unless he has proven differently."
Conner nodded. Other than the bit about the teddy bear he'd had the rest explained to him in detail already. Conner watched Robin dancing hip hop in the bed of the truck and singing a vaguely familiar pop tune from another era while Batman secured a child seat into the Kent family truck.
"Won't the uniform draw attention?" Conner asked as he wondered a little about the concept of singing when you couldn't hear but he was more worried about Robin taking a tumble when he started tossing acrobatics in with his excited dance moves. His cape was yellow side out. Batman must have wanted him extra visible to make it easier to keep an eye on him.
"He's five," was Batman's only response, as if that answered everything. (Robin is five, Damien is four)
One last bat hug later, Conner and Robin were on the road. They stopped at a diner for breakfast because it still wasn't even six in the morning. Apparently he's five did answer everything because the waitress just sat them and in full zombie mode droned out. "Hi I'm Alice, I'll be your waitress today. Would you like anything to drink to start?" She plunked down crayons and a kids menu in front of Robin.
"CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! CONNER THEY HAVE CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! CAN I PLEASE HAVE CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES?"
"Robin volume," reminded Conner imitating Batman's "shh."
There was a small jukebox in the corner Robin jumped up, pulled a coin out of his utility belt and selected a song. "HE ROCKS IN THE TREE TOPS..."
Conner covered his face in embarrassment. Robin was singing and dancing along completely out of sink with the music, beat and key. Robin tugged at him to dance with him.
"A cup of coffee and a milk, an order of chocolate chip pancakes and the scrambled eggs with bacon, home fries and rye bread please, Alice."
Robin raced out of the restaurant to check out the motorcycles when a large group of elderly bikers pulled up for the early morning breakfast.
"THAT IS AN AWESOME HARLEY! I LOVE YOUR PAINT WORK. DID YOU GET THAT JACKET CUSTOM MADE? I LOVE THE SCULL WITH WINGS! IT'S SUPER SCARY!" Robin enthused loudly, before racing around the bikers making vroom, vroom noises.
Conner yanked him out of the way of a car backing up. "Sorry," he called to the bikers. Conner looked back at the bikers. They didn't seem annoyed. He looked back... where was Robin?
Robin was on the roof of the restaurant petting a stray cat.
"GET DOWN!" insisted Conner.
No reaction.
"You're a nice kitty what are you doing up here, huh?" Oblivious, Robin continued petting the kitten. He wrapped it in his cape and flipped down onto the dumpster then over to a roll on the grass before releasing the kitten. "Bye bye kitty."
"I think I can guess how he busted up his arm," spoke an elderly biker as he pushed open the door to the restaurant. The flips had attracted some attention.
"ROBIN!" bellowed Conner seriously stressing out. Of course there was zero acknowledgement from the little boy department.
"Conner did you see the kitten?" asked Robin cheerfully his face falling a bit when he saw the expression on Conner's face. "Wasn't she cute?" he asked tentatively.
"He," corrected Conner panting as he tried to calm down. Okay, maybe Batman hadn't been ridiculously over the top with some of his warnings.
"THE PANCAKES ARE READY!" Robin raced back into the restaurant weaving between bikers.
"WASH YOUR HANDS?" yelled Conner. He blushed when the whole diner turned to stare at him. "...the dumpster..." Conner muttered embarrassed.
Conner clued in at last. He tapped Robin's hands away from the food. "Wash your hands" he spoke, signing, "wash your hands," at the same time. He knew about a dozen words in sign language but that was a fairly universal sign.
Robin settled down while eating. They talked in too soft voices about friends, adventures and anything else they could think of.
The biker stopped by the table. "Hey little man? What's your real name?"
Robin had looked up when he saw him approach. "Robin, of course. I also go by the Boy Wonder sometimes. What's you name."
The biker smirked, "Leon."
Robin turned to Conner, "Leon or Deon?" The biker had a beard. It made lip reading a little tricky.
Conner made an L with his fingers, "Leon. He's deaf," he explained to the biker.
"Well Boy Wonder, I have something for you," He passed Robin a patch with a skull and wings on it.
"Thank you, Mr. Leon. That's so cool!" Robin rummaged around in his belt pockets then pulled out an embroidered Robin "R" patch. "Here!"
"Why thank you little man."
"What all have you got in your belt?" asked Conner surprised.
"Well the bubble gum got confiscated but just stuff," answered Robin.
Clark was incapable of the subterfuge required to keep Robin's visit quiet and well a few friends who had longed to see their long lost Boy Wonder figured they'd just drop in. Megan Morse (Miss Martian), J'onn Jonzz(Martian Manhunter), Diana Prince (Wonder Woman), Kaldur (Aqualad), Dinah Lance (Black Canary), Oliver Queen (Green Arrow), Roy Harper and Harper Roy (Arsenal and Red Arrow). Apparently though no one would dare barge in on Batman, Superman was fair game. People were coming and going all day long.
The Martian, Robin reunion was something else. The Martians had both invested a lot of themselves into keeping Robin whole in the time reversal field. It took Megan an hour to stop crying happy tears and J'onn accidentally morphed into the preteen form of Robin, picked up the small boy and didn't put him down for a good half hour.
Little Robin kept a steady stream of reassurances, "I'm okay Uncle J'onn. I'm okay Megs. Everything's okay."
Harper and Roy asked Robin to see them to their cab when they went to leave. The cab driver was wearing dark glasses. He had an unusual streak of white hair though he looked may eighteen or nineteen. He smirked at Robin. Robin laughed delightedly.
"Just a sec!" spoke Robin before running off returning moments later with the remaining cookies from Alfred wrapped in a napkin. He offered them up with a smile.
"Thanks Baby Bird," whispered the cabbie.
"If you keep calling me a baby, I'm going to call you Big Bird and then what'll you do? You don't have a Snuffleupagus."
"I am Snuffleupagus, Birdie," answered the cabbie. "Keep me off the radar. Okay?" The cabbie ruffled Robin's hair because let's face it, it's irresistible.
Robin nodded.
Robin flew high, ate too much sugar and made a lot of noise and hugged anything that moved. He crashed at nine o'clock. Martha flopped down on the couch. "Whew! That was..." she smiled and laughed.
"Are we going to get in trouble over all the visitors?" asked Conner a little nervously.
Pa Kent laughed. "Clark will, but Batman is a clever fellow. Don't kid yourself into thinking anyone pulled one over on him."
"I'm a little surprised Wally and Artemis didn't show," admitted Conner.
"They've never been out to the Kent farm before," answered Ma Kent.
"Neither have Roy or Harper," replied Conner.
"Those two don't mind stepping on a few toes. I expect one of them pulled it out of Mr. Queen," answered Pa.
Clark and Conner paused because they could hear whimpering coming from Robin's room. Megan was still out in the barn supposedly tidying. Actually, she had just wanted to be alone for a while because the day had been emotionally exhausting and she wanted a little quiet.
"I'd hoped he was too exhausted for bad dreams," protested Clark.
"Overtired children dream more not less," answered Ma Kent who stood and went to check on the child. She brought him out balanced on one hip with his head against her shoulder. Robin was dressed in a fuzzy batman onesie complete with a soft cowl with mesh eyes to replace the mask he'd worn in the day. The outfit was missing a cape and the utility belt was printed on rather than being a true belt.
Pa went to warm up some milk while Ma sat in her favourite rocker quietly rocking and rubbing Robin's back. Robin said nothing. He just quietly hugged her.
Conner discretely asked about the bad dreams.
Clark answered generally enough that no identity secrets would be compromised. "His first family died right in front of him but, back when he was five they were still alive so the loss is new and all those memories of older Robin and the villains. Gotham's not a nice place."
"Why did Batman take Robin on the streets in the first place?" asked Conner.
Ma Kent chuckled, "Why'd you let him spend half the afternoon jumping from the hayloft into the hay stack, racing round back of the barn, climbing up the ladder and doing it all over again?"
"Oh come on. I've done that. I figured it was safer if I was watching then if I told him no or the next thing he'd be on top of the barn trying the jump or swinging off the pulley trying to hit the hay stack in a double flip from twenty feet away," protested Conner with his arms crossed and a stubborn expression on his face.
"Kaldur had to fish him out of the pond twice. Robin sinks like a stone. He hasn't got enough body fat to keep his head above water but apparently the ducks were irresistible. And, did you see when he was chasing the bull? The chickens were bad enough but playing Toro, Toro with our old grouch of a bull? You should have seen Ms. Prince take on the bull to get him out of the pen. Rather than looking even the slightest bit worried, Robin was cheering her on! The hayloft was a compromise."
"He was a tad overexcited today," commented Ma smiling at the grumpy expression Conner had fixed on his face. She was still rubbing Robin's back. Robin's sippy cup of milk toppled from his lax hand, onto the floor. His breathing had evened out. Ma Kent carried him back to bed and tucked him in.
Conner at Ma Kent's advice, withheld nothing when reporting back to Batman the next day. He told of all the visitors and hi-jinx. He had a crate with two chicken's in it and a tent shaped hen house folded flat laying in the flatbed of the truck. It was four in the afternoon.
"He was helpful and calm with the chores today. He seems to both love the animals and love to be useful. Pa thought maybe you could try having him take care of Peck Peck and Lucy for a while, to see if having something to do in the morning helps get his day started right. The big cage is called a chicken tractor. It just sits on the lawn then he'd move the cage along a little everyday so the hens have some fresh grass and bugs to supplement their feed. You'll get fresh eggs out of the deal. The cage is light enough for him to pull along. All he'd have to do is wash out the water dish, give them a scoop of feed, rake out where the cage was the day before and collect the eggs."
Batman nodded and took the chicken cage and chickens through the Zeta beam then came back for Robin who was fast asleep in the truck. After two days at the farm Robin was exhausted. He didn't even wake up when Batman unbuckled him and picked him up. Red Robin unhooked the car seat and took Robin's backpack. Both Bats checked to make sure Bear was there.
"How was your weekend?" Conner asked Red Robin.
"The first few hours were like gold but the squirt needs to come home. I've started working ahead in my homework for fun again."
"There's nothing wrong with that," growled Batman.
Conner got the impression that Red Robin rolled his eyes behind those glossy white lenses.
Back in a dank grey apartment, Roy and Jason had a city map spread out in front of them. Harper had gone home to spend the night with Liam. Nothing would go down tonight anyway. Sunday usually saw a lull in crime. Jason was a little outside of the age group that had been targeted but Roy's mechanical arm was too distinctive. Jason dyed his forelock electric blue and pulled on a shirt a little too big for him. He had contacts in so his eyes were brown.
"You need obnoxious worn out sneakers instead of the motorcycle boots. It'll take a year off your look," suggested Roy. "And hunch your shoulders. I think you should go for the black lipstick. The piercing looks wrong."
"Harper's back Wednesday. Until then, I wanna to be seen in the target areas but not during vulnerable hours. I can't stand the adhesive piercings anyway. They flick off then you look a complete wanna be. If I'm a loner it makes me a good target but folks have got to have seen me around."
"Are you registering at the local school?" asked Roy.
"It's not necessary. It's not consistent in the victim profiles. A lot have been completely street," answered Jason.
"Are you seriously going into this without the guns?" confirmed Roy incredulous.
"Well, I've got some tranquilizers and one gun setup for them but tranqs are too slow to depend on when things go south," answered Jason.
"Because the Baby Bird asked you to?" confirmed Roy.
"He just asked no deaths," answered Jason.
"So take the guns," encouraged Roy. "Look, the guy on the other end thinking you might shoot is often enough."
"Honestly I don't think my problem is even with the Baby Bird. I've still got that crazy Bat in my head sometimes. Birdie smiles at me, says hello and hands me cookies and I hear the old Bat's 'you're a hazard to everyone around you', growl and the old 'justice can't be angry Jason' lecture, which always seemed poisonously hypocritical to me."
"Rob used to tell me angry works if you're in charge of it."
Jason looked at Roy puzzled. "What?"
"Well, Batman certainly isn't Mr. Good Mood," answered Roy. "I ain't no ball of sunshine either."
Jason smirked. "I like that one. Angry works if you're in charge of it. I ...It doesn't feel good when it takes over."
Roy shrugged watching as Jason picked up his gun cleaning it, checking the sight.