Chapter 14
In a Cave
I'm turned completely around with my back resolutely to Gregorio as he speeds our boat back to Europe. I watch our wake through dull eyes. I don't need the blanket for warmth, but it feels right to keep the dreary, grey wool draped over me as I stare despondently out to sea. Neither one of us has said a word since we left Greenland. We are each completely alone with our miserable thoughts.
I can't believe I was so stupid. I've worked my ass off for all these years, and now I've jeopardized everything for a pair of delicious, red lips and some pretty words. 'I wanted the snow to meet its match.' What a load of lemur droppings. I wonder how many other girls that's worked on. I cringe. Not because I fell for his cheesy line, but because I can't stand the thought of Gregorio with another woman. Even through all this anger, I know that I love him. It's not going to be easy to make that go away.
What Gregorio doesn't realize is that when I asked him to take me home, I was hardly referring to Romania. Who knows what kind of interrogation he's planning for me there. I'm going to Poland. Several leagues ago, I surreptitiously brought my backpack close. It is now slung onto my back, under the blanket. We're in the middle of the North Sea, and I am outta here. I slip the blanket off of me and dive so gracefully into the water that I'm sure I didn't even make a splash. Gregorio will turn around as he nears Amsterdam and discover that his prisoner is nothing more than a lump of wool.
I swim around Denmark into the Baltic Sea and change into dry clothes as soon as I reach Poland's deserted shore. Then I make my way over land toward Father Pawel. The run has been good for me. Helped me to burn off some of my more violent emotions. But I'm still a miserable wretch. I reach the top of a grassy hill and see the monastery in the distance. I can't go there. I want to be alone. I sit on the hill and close my eyes and think.
The thing is, I don't actually believe that Gregorio was trying to trick me into anything. I'm a player. I know when I'm being played. Gregorio wasn't playing me. He was too specific when he recounted the history of his feelings for me. You can't just make that shit up. It really happened. I think about his absolute joy when I told him that I loved him. I think about our time together in Greenland, all the things we shared. That wasn't pretend. That was real. It was real.
I believe that he thought he loved me. But his love apparently didn't extend as deeply as I'd hoped, or it wouldn't have been so easy alienated. His reaction to my project would not have been so profoundly negative if he really loved me. If he loved me enough. If he loved me the way Emmett loves Rosalie.
God, I am such an idiot! That's what I wanted wasn't it? I wanted a love like those two imbeciles have. So I pretended that's what Gregorio and I had. I release a small moan. It rolls down the hills, and I'm sure it's going to reach Father Pawel. I hope he'll know it's mine. I hope he'll light a candle for me. I need that candle, because I do love Gregorio like that. I do. There's not one thing I don't love about that man, even his stubbornness. But I can't make his love bigger than it is, and if he doesn't love me enough to support my life's ambition, there's no point in having any of his love at all.
I really did think his love was big enough. He certainly made me believe that it was. But it wasn't.
I've got to get going. I have another moan-worthy issue to deal with. I need to let my cohorts in America know about the set back. I have no idea what Gregorio plans to do. He doesn't know any of my specific plans, but I mentioned the Cullens by name, so he'll most certainly have B.I.T.E. look into them. Gregorio also knows about the Madagascar coven, but I haven't let them in on the plan yet, so I can worry about them later. At best, we delay the operation and lay low for a while. At worst, B.I.T.E. tracks us all down and makes sure that we understand in no uncertain terms that we are never ever to proceed with our shenanigans.
The worst part about informing my American comrades of the new developments is that I'll have to admit what a ridiculous, stupid, idiot fool I've been. I've been taking the piss out of them for years, and now I'll be handing them all the ammo they need to blow me away on a silver platter.
I leave the hill when it turns dark again. I call Alaska from the airport to let them know I'll be a few days early. I don't give them any details yet. That can wait. On the plane, I start formulating a believable story for B.I.T.E. I'll share this with Denali and the Cullens so that we can give consistent answers when the inevitable interrogations begin.
I think I've got a good story worked out by the time I land in Alaska. I hop in my minivan and make my way to the home of the Denali coven. I've kept my visits to Denali limited to the bare minimum necessary for my research. The Denalis are not as fun as the Cullens. The Cullens at least keep me entertained with all of their oddities, whereas the Denalis seem drenched in a perpetual blandness. They bore me. Perhaps it's because there's so many women – only one male in the group. I'm the kind of girl who prefers a higher quotient of testosterone in a room
And - I'll admit it - I'm a little bit scared of their stunning, strawberry blonde leader, Tanya. She has an eerie intensity about her. She watches me like a snake watches a juicy rat. She's never made a move to strike, but she makes me nervous, and I don't dare unleash any of my sometimes vicious, teasing repartee on her. What fun is that?
I approach the mountainous Alaskan wilderness. While the Cullens have made every minute effort to make their house appear as if humans live there, the Denali coven's dwellings are more of a giant 'ef you' to non-mythicals. Their residence practically drawls out loud in a crude Brooklyn accent, 'Yeah, we're vampayus; whatta you gonna do about it?' I suppose the only reason they get away with it is because it's buried so deep in the mountains that there's very little chance of a human ever coming across it.
I have to leave my car far from the entrance to their home, because the terrain gets too rough. They live in a cave. I'm not a geologist, but I don't think it technically qualifies as a cave. It's more of a huge recess in a mountain, but cave sounds much cooler. The residence comprises one large, central room with smaller rooms off of it. There's no kitchen whatsoever, and all of the furniture is substantial and hard, not cushy and upholstered, an unnecessary luxury for our rigamortized bodies.
The Denali girls have decorated their home in rich reds and deep purples. They've hung sensual, abstract paintings and intricate tapestries along the smooth, stone walls. Wrought iron lanterns hang throughout the place, flickering with the only source of light. The golden glow bathes the walls in constant movement of shadow and light, giving the impression that the cave itself is alive and pulsating. It is a veritable sirenic lair. I pity the unsuspecting man who unwittingly enters.
As I approach the entrance, I wonder which Cullens will be here. Surely Carlisle won't send all of them. One of the results of being housed in a cave is that outsiders are unable to detect the internal scents until they are very close. Of course, it also means the residents don't get much warning when someone else approaches. I'm a mere ten feet away from the entrance before I'm hit full in the face with the now familiar scent of musk and spices. He's here. Holy shit, Gregorio is here!
My mind begins racing with all the possible scenarios I'll find inside. He's obviously reacting more aggressively than I anticipated. I have to get in there and stop whatever it is he's trying to do. I leap to the entrance and unceremoniously yank open the huge, iron door. I plunge myself into the middle of the large, central room and stand at a crouch, ready to take on whatever comes at me.
"Hey Elie," Alice's voice chirps casually.
The only muscles that move in my body are my eyeballs as I take in my surroundings. Alice is across the room holding sticks of incense in her hand. She smiles and gives me a little wave. I scan across the wide room and see the others grouped together. They all have an undulating, reddish cast to their faces as they reflect the flames and the colored walls. Edward and Eleazar, the one Denali male, are sitting on sturdy wooden chairs. Next to Eleazar stands his mate, Carmen. Across from them, in a stiff-looking leather armchair, sits Gregorio. Tanya is perched on the arm of his chair with her arm draped over the back of it. She's never looked more like a snake in her life.
The scene is cozier than I expected. Clearly Gregorio is schmoozing them before he starts playing hardball. He was probably waiting until I arrived. But how did he know I was going to be here? I never mentioned Alaska.
They are all looking at me curiously. Except for Edward and Gregorio. Edward doesn't look me in the eye and seems to feel awkward. Gregorio's intense gaze on me is unreadable. He's in total control of himself, but I see the flash behind his pitch black eyes as he watches me. After I take inventory of the rest of the room, he is the only one I look at.
"How did you find me?" I demand, not bothering with any sort of greeting.
He nods toward Eleazar. Oh shit. I forgot that Eleazar also used to be with the Volturi. Gregorio and he must know each other. I wonder what lies Gregorio told Eleazar to gain an invitation into his home. Gregorio doesn't offer any explanation beyond his nod, and I don't ask for one. Our eyes continue to burn on each other in silence. My position has not relaxed a centimeter.
The scent of incense trickles into the room and Alice wanders over. She doesn't say anything, but I can see in my peripheral vision that she's looking perplexedly between Gregorio and I. I notice her head suddenly freeze in place. I snap my gaze over to her and see that she's staring forward, zoning in on something, yet not seeing what's immediately in front of her. This is how she looks when she gets a vision of the future.
Her focus comes back into the present, and she gasps, "Oh." Then she flicks her eyes from me to Gregorio and repeats, "O-oh," more suggestively and gives me a devilish wink and a smile. I notice Tanya's shoulders slump, and her arm retreats from the back of the chair.
My reaction is violent. "Your gift must be working in reverse Alice, because I assure you, anything worth 'oh'ing about between me and him is in the past! And I don't remember giving you permission to look into my personal business!" I snap.
"It doesn't require anyone's permission. It just sort of happens," Alice shrugs.
"Well, knock it off," I pointlessly warn her.
I turn back to Gregorio. "Don't get your hopes up by anything she might delude herself into seeing," I tell him. My stance changes from a defensive crouch to an offensive one. I'm ready to strike at the least provocation. "There's more of us here than you, so I don't know what it is you planned on doing, but it isn't going to work."
"Elie," Edward says slowly and soothingly. "It's okay. I think we should all calm down and listen to what he's come here to tell us. He only wants to talk." He's been reading Gregorio's deceptive mind.
I don't take my eyes off of Gregorio as I hiss between clenched teeth, "Careful, Edward. He has a way of making people believe things that aren't true."
"Elisabeta," Gregorio appeals in his deep rumble. I'm totally unprepared for how painful it is to hear him say my name. I flinch, but immediately regain my composure.
"You're here to speak to the group, not me," I say in a barely stable voice. "Say what you have to say and then leave." I relax my stance, but I'm more than ready to rip his face off if it comes to that.
His eyes lower to the floor for a second, and then he stands and turns his attention to the group. He's got his full schmooze on and has dressed down to make himself less intimidating. He's wearing jeans with a thick, charcoal, turtleneck sweater under a tweed blazer. I've never seen him in jeans before. He looks horribly handsome and elegant in the ensemble. For a tortured moment, I wish that I didn't have to hate him.
"I know about your plans. Elisabeta has…unwillingly divulged them to me," he says.
I shoot a look of apology around the room. No one is looking at me. They're all warily regarding Gregorio. Except for Edward; he's keeping his attention on me. He's reading my reactions to what Gregorio says.
"I'm not going to stand in your way," Gregorio continues. "I won't do anything to impede your progress. But I must warn you, if the Volturi and B.I.T.E. catch wind of what you're trying to do - and they most certainly will, eventually - I won't be able to stop them from coming after you. This is a fool's game you are playing. Vampires' surviving on human blood is a natural, innate part of our existence. You won't be able to change that. It's a lost cause, and you may very well lose your lives pursuing it. I urge you to reconsider."
He turns to me. "Elisabeta, I don't have any silver bullets for this. I won't be able to save you this time."
So, it took forty years for him to finally decide to hold that over my head. I grit my teeth and reply, "I never asked for your silver bullets, Gregorio."
"Elisabeta," he says in a low voice, taking a step toward me. "Please. Can we go somewhere to talk privately?"
"No," I reply flatly. I force my voice into a smooth, clear sheet of ice. "I won't leave these people who've proven the depth of their commitment to go talk with someone who's proven exactly how shallow he is."
"Very well, I'll say it here then," he says somewhat stiffly.
Without a sound, the others have moved to one of the smaller rooms. I see Tanya leer at us doubtfully before she disappears. I keep my eyes on the floor rather than looking at Gregorio. Alice's spiky hair casts an oblong shadow on the floor just outside the other room until it is jerked back by the shadow of someone else's hand. They can still hear every word Gregorio is about to say, but he apparently doesn't care.
"I had planned on telling you all of this before we got off the boat, but you exited rather earlier than expected," he says with a note of reprimand.
The corners of my mouth turn up in a tiny, triumphant smile.
He ignores my smile. In a fervently penitent tone, he says, "I overreacted. I'm sorry. I should have heard you out. We could have discussed it more calmly. I have been berating myself for the way I acted ever since I turned around and saw that you were gone."
Something in my chest lurches. He's sorry. It's exactly what I would have loved for him to have said back in Greenland. But it's too late now. Now it all seems a little too premeditated.
"Elisabeta, I lov--"
"Don't say it," I interrupt in a harsh whisper. My eyes flick to him before forcing themselves back to the ground. "You are not allowed to say that to me any more. I've seen your true colors, Gregorio, and they're selfish and misguided and ugly. Thank you for sharing them with me so soon, before…before…" I was going to say 'before things went too far,' but they've already gone too far, and my voice cracks.
"Elisabeta," he whispers in a thick voice filled with an emotion that I don't want to hear.
"Go, Gregorio. There's nothing more you can say. Go," I tell him crisply. I've kept my eyes pointedly away from his, and they are now practically grinding a hole into the cave floor.
He doesn't say another word to me, but before he leaves, he says a gentlemanly goodbye to the others. "Thank you Eleazar, Carmen, and Tanya for your hospitality. Please give my regards to Kate. Edward, Alice, it was a pleasure meeting you."
The others have silently drifted to the edge of the big room and mumble their goodbyes. Eleazar speaks up more clearly, "It was good to see you, Gregorio. You do remember the boundaries we discussed?" He's reminding him that no human hunting is allowed within a certain radius of the cave.
From the corner of my eye, I see Gregorio give an affirmative nod, and then he's gone.
I am miserable.
"Oh, Elie," Alice says in an anguished voice as she steps over to me and puts her hand on my shoulder.
I throw up a defensive hand and quickly say, "I'm fine, Alice. He just caught me off guard. I'm fine. I'll be fine." I look over toward Edward and Eleazar and ask, "Can we believe him? About not turning us in to B.I.T.E.? About letting us proceed unimpeded?"
Edward pulls his eyebrows together thoughtfully and says, "He was being sincere in what he said. Eleazar, you've worked with him in the past, can we expect him to stand by what he said to us today and not waffle?"
Eleazar tilts his head up toward the ceiling and ponders Edward's question. "It certainly seems like the type of thing I would expect from him. He'll allow us a fair shot at pursuing our interests while limiting his own exposure. It doesn't matter to him what we do -- as long as it doesn't negatively affect his standing at B.I.T.E., of course."
"Of course," I chime in bitterly.
Alice is still standing near me, doting on me like a mother caring for her sick child. "Edward, you must have seen how he really feels about her. Tell her," she pleads.
"Alice," Edward says firmly. "That is none of our business."
I quickly turn the subject to the reason I came here in the first pace, and we talk for a bit about our first steps. I learn that a new vampire has joined the Denali coven as Kate's mate. His name is Garrett and he was previously a nomad. He's trying out the vegan lifestyle for himself and will be a wonderful asset to our program because of all of the new contacts he brings us. Right now he and Kate are on a scouting mission throughout Canada and the northern U.S., trying to get a feel for how we might be received.
When enough time has passed to be certain that Gregorio is long gone, I announce that I'm famished and need to go out for a bite to eat. I'm actually just looking for an excuse to be alone. Seeing Gregorio again has shaken me more than I'd like the others to know. I should be hungry, but I don't think I'll be able to choke anything down with all of these knots in my stomach.
I'm not fooling Alice; she's still giving me that motherly look of concern. "Tell her," she demands of Edward out of the side of her mouth.
"Don't," I say sharply.
Edward is blessedly resolute in his determination not to get involved, but Eleazar makes a sympathetic gesture toward me. All this time with women has obviously gotten him in touch with his sensitive side.
"Elie, in all my years of experience with Gregorio, I've always known him to be a good man," he tells me.
I shake my head slowly from side to side and begin backing toward the door. "There's no such thing," I whisper and turn to get to the door before they can watch me fall apart.
I fling the door open and hear Alice murmur an impassioned, "Ed-ward…"
As I step through the doorway, and the heavy, iron swings behind me, Edward's quiet, buttery voice floats across the room. "He truly does love you, Elie."
The door slams shut, and it's a full minute before I can move again.