Welcome back! I'm glad to see you're all still enjoying the story, just as I'm still enjoying writing it. This origin should be (slightly) shorter than the last one, but hopefully still as enjoyable. Read on!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
…
"How did Amy fall in love with me?" Sonic asked. "Well, that's an easy one; she fell in love with me after I saved her on Little Planet!"
"Actually, Sonic," Amy corrected. "I was in love with you WAY before that!"
Sonic blinked in surprise. "…Really? Well, uh, I was not aware of that."
"Were you one of Sonic's rabid and insane fangirls, then?" Shadow asked. "I'd imagine even back then he must've had a lot of them… For reasons which continue to elude me."
"You're one to talk, Shads," Sonic pointed out. "Have you ever MET your fanbase?"
Shadow shuddered. "Unfortunately, I have."
"Pshh, those wannabes?" Amy said dismissively. "I was in love with Sonic for YEARS before he became a mainstream hero!"
Sonic's eyes widened. "… I suddenly find myself even more terrified of you than I usually am, Amy."
"Yes, hipsters are rather terrifying," Vector agreed cluelessly.
"What, were you stalking him even before he got his powers or something?" Knuckles asked in disgust.
"No! Little Planet is the first time I met him face-to-face… But I was in love with him for a long, long time before then," Amy said dreamily. "I'd known for years, even before he got his powers and became the greatest hero our world has ever known, that he would be the hedgehog that I would one day marry!"
"I think you can't get any more disturbing, and then you say something like that," said the horrified Sonic.
"Don't worry, beloved, I'll protect you from her," Blaze promised soothingly, hugging the trembling hedgehog.
"It's YOU he should need protecting from, not me!" Amy snarled.
"How is that possible, Amy?" Cream asked.
"How is what possible?" Amy asked.
"How could you have fallen in love with Sonic before he became a hero?" Cream asked.
Amy grinned. "I'm happy you asked, Cream! Listen up, all of you, as I tell you a story of true love and romance! One which will inspire all to seek out their heart's desire… And hopefully convince others to butt out because they're not wanted!" She snarled at Blaze. The cat folded her arms and glared at the pink hedgehog. "It all began many, many years ago, when I was just a little girl, attending the fair with my mother…"
The air began to shimmer and waver, courtesy of Silver's device. Thankfully, Omega refrained from making any strange and annoying sounds this time.
…
Amy Rose, age seven, took in the sights around her in awe. There were so many bright lights, and loud noises, and screams and laughter, and obviously rigged games, and massively unhealthy snacks, and dangerously unsafe rides barely held together by rust and duct tape, and heavily sweating people wearing grotesque-nightmare inducing mascot costumes desperately reconsidering their choices in life! This was the young hedgehog's first time at the fair, and it was unlike anything she'd ever experienced before. It was the most wonderful thing she'd ever seen!
"Mommy, mommy, mommy, I want to go on that ride! No, on that ride! No, wait, I want to play that game! No, that one! Take a picture of me with that crying man dressed up like a marmoset! Win me that impractically huge stuffed animal three times as big as I am! I want a goldfish! I want cotton candy! I WANT EVERYTHING!" She shrieked at the top of her lungs, darting here and there, so excited she felt like she was about to burst.
…
"Geez, Amy, and I thought you were annoying NOW," Sonic muttered. "What, did you mellow with age or something?" Blaze barely hid a chuckle.
"Hey! It was my first time at the fair!" Amy said indignantly. "My younger self was just overwhelmed by all that stimulation and sugar, that's all!"
"To be fair, Sonic, I think most kids are like that their first time at a fair," Tails said.
Vector nodded in agreement. "Yeah, the first time we took Charmy to one—well, other than Carnival Island, that is-we felt like killing ourselves."
"Or him," Espio said flatly.
"Hey!" Charmy said.
"I didn't act like that at all the first time I went to the fair," Cream said, appalled.
"That's because you're such a pure, sweet girl it's almost disgusting," Rouge said with a smile.
"Oh," Cream said.
"WHAT-KIND-OF-ROBOTS-DID-YOU-KILL? HOW-DID-THEY-COMPARE-TO-THE-ONES-IN-CARNIVALS-TODAY?" Omega asked.
"There weren't any robots, and I certainly didn't kill anything," Amy said, looking confused.
"THERE-WEREN'T? STRANGE. WHENEVER-I-GO-TO-A-CARNIVAL, I-OFTEN-KILL-LOTS-OF-ROBOTS," said the perplexed Omega.
"That would be because most of the carnivals we frequent are controlled by Eggman," Shadow asked. He frowned in thought. "For that matter, why DOES Eggman make so many carnivals?"
"For the same reason he makes so many casinos, I suppose," Rouge said. "To help him make the money he needs to pay for his next big world domination scheme. Well, that or he's a gambling addict."
Shadow's eyes lit up in realization. "So THAT'S why he built that giant robot slot machine…"
"This wasn't an Eggman carnival, it was a perfectly ordinary run-of-the-mill carnival," Amy asserted. "In fact, this was before Eggman had even started the world domination business!" She looked thoughtful. "Funny…It's almost impossible to imagine a world where he WASN'T running around, invading with robot armies or stupidly unleashing ancient evils all over the place. We've been at this a long time, haven't we?"
Sonic nodded. "Yeah… Wait, how long HAS it been, anyway?"
Everyone paused, looking uncertain.
…
"Don't worry, Amy, we'll do everything you want," Amy's mother, a violet hedgehog with rather long, dark purple quills and somewhat bloodshot eyes said with a wince, blinking several times and shielding her eyes from the sun. "Can you just… Turn it down a little, please? Mommy's still feeling a little sick, and while there are lots of kids running around puking their guts out around here, I don't really feel inclined to join them."
"You're ALWAYS feeling a little sick," Amy complained. "Maybe you should stop taking that 'special mommy juice' so much. Especially since you always start crying and yelling and saying bad words whenever you have too much of it."
Amy's mother sighed. "You're probably right, Amy, but right now, my 'mommy juice' is probably the only thing keeping me from breaking down completely now that your deadbeat father's run off with that bitch Fiona, leaving me to raise a kid and pay off all his debts while stuck in a miserable dead-end job. Kiddo, a word of advice to you: stay away from men completely. Or, if you absolutely HAVE to have a man, never, ever, EVER let him go."
…
Sonic stared at Amy, disturbed and a little sympathetic. "Suddenly, so much about you makes a lot more sense."
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!" Amy demanded.
"What's mommy juice? My mommy never drinks anything like that," Cream asked.
"Trust me, you're better off not knowing, kid," Rouge said.
…
"But seriously, I think I'm turned off to men entirely after that pig," Amy's mother said with a shudder. "Pigs too, for that matter. Yes, I suppose that's somewhat racist, but right now I'm not really in a mood to care."
"What about women?" Amy asked innocently.
Amy's mother laughed harshly. "Amy, kiddo, I'm as liberal as the next hedgehog, but that doesn't mean I'm interested…in…women…" She trailed off, staring in awe at an unimaginably beautiful red and pink-scaled cobra snake charmer and belly dancer covered in iridescent jewels, pearls, and elegantly sewn veils putting on a performance nearby.
…
"Wait, they had belly dancers at a fair? For CHILDREN?!" Sonic asked in disbelief.
"I've never been to any fairs with belly dancers," Cream said. "For that matter, I'm not sure I know what a belly dancer is."
"That's probably for the best," Tails said.
"It was a pretty unusual and mature fair," Amy admitted.
"Sounds like my kind of shindig," Rouge said, aroused.
"Why, because there's lots of people with jewels for you to steal?" Knuckles asked obliviously.
Rouge facepalmed. "Yes, Knuckles, that's exactly why I'd want to go to a fair like that. To steal jewels. Well done." Knuckles smiled, looking rather proud of himself.
"Hey, uh, I don't suppose you could tell us when this fair might next be in town…?" Vector asked hopefully.
"Unfortunately, it got shut down for good the day after I visited," Amy said.
"Too many high-minded moral guardians complaining about their children getting corrupted?" Espio asked.
"No, the Ferris wheel derailed and killed hundreds of people. Also, there was some food poisoning and I think there was a sexual predator/serial killer hiding in the house of mirrors or something," Amy said.
"…Huh…" Sonic said after a long silence.
"I guess it just goes to show you that Eggman carnivals aren't the only incredibly dangerous ones around," Tails commented.
"Should we…do something about that?" Cream asked, unnerved and wondering if she would ever be able to properly enjoy the fair again.
"Not our jurisdiction," Shadow said apathetically.
"NOT-IF-EGGMAN-IS-NOT-INVOLVED, ANYWAY," Omega said. "FOR-SOME-REASON, PEOPLE-ALWAYS-GET-UPSET-WHEN-I-BURN-DOWN-THEIR-FACILITIES-BUT-NOBODY-CARES-IF-I-DO-IT-TO-EGGMAN'S. WHY-CAN'T-THEY-MAKE-UP-THEIR-MINDS-ALREADY?"
…
"Wow, she's pretty!" Amy commented. "Everyone else must think so, too, considering how much money they're throwing at her!"
"Uh, yeah," Amy's mother yelped, sweating and feeling a strange warmth rushing through her as the gorgeous serpent caught her eye, winked, and mouthed something she'd have to be blind not to interpret. A desperate desire filled her…
But wait, what about Amy? She was aware she wasn't exactly the best parent, but there was no way she would be so bad as to abandon her daughter because of a magnificent, luscious, scaly…
Ahem!
Something caught her eye, and suddenly she realized a solution to her little dilemma. (In retrospect, she would realize that it was actually a rather terrible solution, but in all fairness, she was still recovering from a bad breakup, nursing a hangover and currently surging with hormones, so she can be given a little leeway in this instance. Or not. Depends on how you feel, I guess.) "Amy, sweetie, do you want to get your fortune told?"
"Would I!" Amy said enthusiastically.
"Great! There's a tent right over there. Here, take a 20, that should be enough," Amy's mother said, handing her daughter some Rings.
"Huh? You aren't coming with me?" Amy asked in surprise.
Amy's mother shook her head. "Oh, no, I couldn't. This is YOUR fortune, not mine! Plus, I have a morbid fear of fortunetellers. You know, like how some people are afraid of spiders or clowns or whatnot."
"Oh, I see," Amy said. "But what will you do, then?"
"I want to, uh, talk to the very pretty lady over there," Amy's mother said, struggling to take her eyes off the serpent so she could look at her daughter. "Don't worry; I'll be right here by the time you're finished." Assuming that fortuneteller takes her time, which she'd better, with that much cash!
Amy shrugged. "Okay. Have fun, mommy!" She said, waving as she headed for the tent.
"You too, sweetie," Amy's mother said absentmindedly as the crowd around the snake dispersed, the show finished… And the cobra beckoned enticingly, her long forked tongue flitting out to lick her lips. The hedgehog grinned lasciviously. "I have a feeling I sure will."
…
"I have no idea what she's doing, but it sounds horribly irresponsible," Cream said sternly.
"Yeah, Amy, no offense, but your mom sounds kinda lousy," Knuckles said. "Granted, I've never had a mother myself, so I have no idea whether or not that sort of behavior is acceptable or not. But still."
"No, you're right; it was rather irresponsible of her…" Amy admitted. "But given that it led me to fall in love with Sonic, as well as get a second mother, I think I can forgive her."
There was a pause. "Wait, what?!" Shadow asked.
"Yeah, Mom and the cobra—Hood-got married," Amy said. "She was really good for my mom, and our lives improved a lot afterwards! But that's a story for another time. Here's what happened when I entered that tent, and met my destiny…"
…
"Welcome, welcome, dear child!" A lilting voice called out as Amy entered the tent, its dark interior a stark contrast from the bright daylight outside. Amy had to blink a few times as her eyesight adjusted to the dim interior of the tent, though the cloying incense rising from the many scented candles littering the chamber might have helped in that. There were all sorts of mystic symbols, sigils, artifacts, and gewgaws littering the walls and hanging from the ceiling, most prominent of which was a huge stuffed alligator. Beads and crystals dangled from the ceiling, and Amy could've sworn she saw strange figures moving in their faceted depths. Some of them seemed to be looking back. In the center of the room was a round table covered in a silk cloth with all the figures of the Tarot sewn into it, a crystal ball held in a frame that looked like bone on top. Behind the table was an exotically beautiful moth wearing a turban, her face partially covered by a veil, numerous charms and jewels hanging off her small frame, the colorful iridescent scales on her wings glittering and constantly shifting in hypnotic, enticing patterns. "Welcome to the Tent of Mystery! I am Gypsy the Moth, an oracle and seer of great renown, and for a small, paltry sum, the secrets of your future can be revealed!"
"What can I get for 20 Rings?" Amy asked, slapping down the Rings her mother had given her onto the table.
"More than enough," the moth said, quickly grabbing the Rings and stowing them in one of her voluminous sleeves. "Now, let us see what my crystal ball can tell us, hmmm?"
The seer started waving her hands in the air over the crystal ball, murmuring something under her breath. The scales on her wings continued shifting and changing, their patterns transforming into a series of eerie looking glowing runes that Amy, even as untrained, young, and inexperienced as she was, instantly recognized as symbols of great power. A gust of wind began circling through the tent, causing the various dangling relics and trinkets to start swaying and knocking against each other, the noise they made sounding almost like the chattering of teeth. Amy found herself shivering, goosebumps rising from her flesh… And when she started seeing her own breath, realized it wasn't just an otherworldly dread, the tent was actually getting colder! (And no, not from some fan or AC. Genuine magic was involved.)
The crystal ball glowed, and both Amy and Gypsy leaned forward to look into it. Figures started appearing inside it, and Amy was shocked to realize one of them was her! An older and taller her, wearing a red dress and holding a rather large hammer, but still noticeably her! "That's me!" She cried.
"Indeed it is," Gypsy said. "Let's see…"
She waved her hands over the ball, and the future Amy shrank, the 'camera' receding, and numerous demonic-looking silhouettes with red eyes and crooked smiles-most prominent of which was a rotund, egg shaped figure with a rather large mustache-appeared, looming in the background. "In the years to come, our world will be beset by many, any evils, all of which seek to conquer or destroy us all. However, each and every time they rise up, a great hero shall stand up to oppose them."
"Me?!" Amy asked excitedly.
"Actually, no, it's that guy," Gypsy said, the view in the crystal ball shifting a bit, pushing future Amy to the side and focusing on a blue hedgehog with long spiky quills staring defiantly into the darkness, a confident smirk on his face.
"Oh!" Amy gasped, not minding so much that she was apparently not going to be a great hero of legend upon seeing the new figure. "He's so handsome!"
"He is, isn't he?" Gypsy agreed. "A real catch and a total hunk, with a perfect body and eyes and hair. Any girl would be lucky to have him."
…
"Okay, there's no way she said that!" Sonic said.
"She totally did! Honest!" Amy said.
"Uh-huh. Sure," the blue hedgehog said, not believing her.
"I don't believe you!" Knuckles yelled. And if KNUCKLES, one of the most gullible people on the planet, didn't believe you, that was really saying something.
Amy scowled.
…
"Whenever our world is threatened with destruction, he shall be there to save it…the Blue Blur, the Speed Demon, the Iblis Trigger, the Knight of the Wind, the Once and Future King, the Legendary Blue Hedgehog, the Fastest Thing Alive…Sonic the Hedgehog!" Gypsy said dramatically as the blue hedgehog in the crystal ball sped into action, moving so quickly he was only visible as a blue streak, piercing the dark figures again and again, causing them to howl and writhe in agony.
"And I'll be right there, fighting by his side all the while!" Amy said as her future self leaped into action as well, pink light glowing around her as she lashed out with her hammer again and again.
"Ehhh…" Gypsy waved her hand noncommittally. "Well, that might be overstating it a bit. Most of the time, he'll have others fighting by his side. Much more closely, in fact," the moth said as a red echidna and a yellow fox appeared next to the blue hedgehog, fighting valiantly beside him. "I mean, yeah, you'll be fighting too sometimes, but most of the time you'll just be…there."
"Just…there?" Amy asked in disbelief.
Gypsy shrugged. "Yeah. Pretty much. I mean, yes, you WILL fight evil, quite often in somewhat close proximity to Sonic, but you won't usually be fighting ALONGSIDE him, per se."
Amy frowned. "What, do I get kidnapped a lot or something?"
"Not that much, actually," the moth admitted. "Maybe a couple of times, but not that often, really. Most of the time you'll just be…there. Tagging along. Being a spectator. That sort of thing."
"Oh," Amy said, feeling somewhat disappointed.
"If it's any consolation, you'll be present on Sonic's adventures more than many of his other friends," Gypsy offered.
"I guess that's something," Amy admitted.
…
Sonic frowned. "For some reason, I feel kind of offended by that."
"Well, to be fair, most of us DO have a life outside of you," Vector said. Everyone stared at him. "What?"
"When I'm not being Sonic's sidekick, I'm doing all sorts of scientific research and making inventions to revolutionize the world. Knuckles guards the Master Emerald. Rouge does spy work, or steals gems, and Shadow and Omega usually help her when they aren't going around blowing up Eggman bases for fun and profit. Cream is still enjoying childhood with her mother. Blaze has to rule her dimension. Silver has his thing in the future when he isn't traveling back in time to pester us about some great disaster…which is most of the time…hmm, maybe he doesn't have a life outside of us. Big…fishes, I guess? While Amy certainly DOESN'T have a life outside of Sonic, what exactly is it you guys do when you aren't hanging out with us again?" Tails asked.
"We fight crime!" Vector bragged. Everyone stared at him doubtingly. "…Sometimes," he admitted.
"I can't remember the last time we had a case that didn't involve us fighting Eggman," Espio admitted. "Or actually resulted in a paycheck."
"We're really crummy detectives, aren't we?" Charmy said.
"Come on, we aren't THAT bad!" Vector protested.
"He's right, you're much better detectives than you are a band," Shadow agreed.
"Yeah, that's…HEY!" Vector shouted. Charmy snickered.
"WHY-ARE-YOU-THREE-INCOMPETENTS-DETECTIVES-AGAIN?" Omega asked.
"You'll just have to wait until it's our turn to find out!" Vector said.
"Well, that's something to look forward to," Rouge said dryly. Shadow smirked.
"Yes, but it's not the Chaotix's turn, it's MINE! And I'm not done with my story yet!" Amy snapped.
"What more is there to tell? Sounds like you fell in love with Sonic thanks to this fortuneteller lady showing you the future," Knuckles said.
Blaze shook her head. "I doubt it ended like that. Things are rarely so simple or straightforward where seers are involved. I know from experience."
"She's right," Amy said grudgingly. "Things took an unwelcome turn after that…"
…
Amy watched in awe as Sonic the Hedgehog battled monster after monster, sometimes with others, sometimes with Amy, often alone, but never stopping fighting, never giving up, always running towards victory. And the more she stared at this heroic figure, at his cool blue fur or sharp curved spines or radiant eyes or awesome shoes, the more she knew that he was the one she wanted above all else.
"So when do we get married?" she asked excitedly.
Gypsy blinked. "Eh?"
"Sonic and I! When do we get married?" Amy asked.
"What, uh, what makes you think you'll get married?" Gypsy asked.
"I'm following around and hanging out with a great hero who goes on all sorts of adventures! Seems like a shoe-in to me that we'd get married!" Amy said enthusiastically.
Gypsy laughed awkwardly. "Ah, dear girl, there seems to have been a misunderstanding. You and Sonic do not get married. Not in this world, anyway."
Amy's heart stopped. "What?"
Gypsy's wings fluttered, and the images in the ball shifted, showing different versions of Sonic and Amy, going on dates, hanging out, kissing, getting married, raising children, beating up robots and monsters, and other such storybook romance things. "The multiverse is a vast place. There are many alternate worlds out there. In some of them, you and Sonic are together. In others…" Gypsy's wings fluttered again and the images in the crystal changed once more; this time showing Sonic doing the same romantic things as before… Only with other women. Lots of other women. There were hedgehogs, minxes, cats, foxes, humans, and many more. Interestingly, one of the most frequently reoccurring partners for the blue hedgehog was an auburn-haired chipmunk wearing a blue vest. (And somewhat disturbingly, one of the other most frequently reoccurring partners was a red and black male hedgehog.) "He finds his match elsewhere. And this world, I'm afraid, is one of them."
…
"Wait, are you telling me that there are other universes where you and I are a thing?!" Sonic cried in horror. "What are those other mes THINKING?!"
"Perhaps the Amy's in those universes are more tolerable than the one in this one," Blaze suggested. "Or perhaps she succeeded in her love potion gambit in those other worlds."
"Yeah, that last bit makes much more sense," Sonic agreed.
"Oh, come on! Is the idea of you and me being together in some other reality REALLY that hard to swallow?!" Amy asked indignantly.
"Yes," Sonic said flatly.
Most of the others nodded. "Yeah, I have trouble picturing it too," Tails said.
"THE-ODDS-OF-IT-HAPPENING-ARE-TWELVE-TRILLION-TO-ONE," Omega said.
"I can't see it, sorry," Knuckles said.
"I'm sorry, Amy, but it does seem to be a bit of a stretch," Cream said apologetically.
"Traitor," Amy growled at her so-called best friend.
"Does the idea of me being with other women in other worlds bother you at all, Blaze?" Sonic asked his girlfriend.
Blaze shook her head. "Not really. Those Sonics aren't you. I mean, yes, they ARE you, but not the you I love. They're free to love whomever they please." She smiled. "And perhaps some of those other Sonics have found Blazes of their own?"
Sonic chuckled. "If they have, I hope they're half as lucky as I am."
"Actually, I've heard there are worlds where Blaze and I are a thing!" Silver spoke up.
Blaze raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "You and I? Really?"
Silver shrugged. "The multiverse is a big place. It could happen."
"Auburn haired chipmunk… hmm. That sounds like Princess Sally Acorn of the Kingdom of Acorn," Rouge recalled. "Funny, it seems like you have a thing for royalty, Sonic. When you aren't settling for Amy, anyway!"
Sonic smirked as he wrapped an arm around Blaze. "What can I say? I know how to pick them!"
"Why does everyone seem to think that Sonic being with me is 'settling?!'" Amy demanded.
"BECAUSE-IT-IS," Omega said.
"Wait, wait, back up a second. What was that about Sonic being partnered with a red and black male hedgehog in several other universes? I'M a red and black male hedgehog!" Shadow cried in horror.
Sonic grinned at his rival. "Well, now that you mention it, Shadow… I HAVE always thought you were kind of handsome, in a dark, brooding way…"
"Don't even JOKE about that, faker!" Shadow cried, looking absolutely revolted. "I may be many things, but gay isn't one of them!"
"Shadow, I had no idea you were so homophobic!" Vector joked.
"What?! But that's…I'm not…I'M NOT HOMOPHOBIC!" Shadow screamed.
"Methinks you doth protest too much. Sometimes those who deny it the loudest are concealing a truth they desperately don't want anyone to know about… Are you secretly in the closet?" Sonic asked, clearly enjoying every second of this.
"What closet? He's standing right here in the open with the rest of us," Cream asked, looking confused as Shadow made several strangled noises of dismay and rage.
"Maybe it's a transparent closet," Tails joked.
Knuckles laughed. "Hahahahahaha I don't get it."
"Shadow, why didn't you tell me?" Rouge asked, feigning concern. "If I'd known your preference, I could've made your stay at the club MUCH more accommodating! You know, Bernard's been holding a flame for you for quite some time…"
Shadow ground his teeth so loudly that birds took flight from trees several yards away. "I am having trouble remembering why I bothered to save you all from a plummeting space colony or an alien invasion right now."
"IF-YOU-GO-ON-A-DESTRUCTIVE-RAMPAGE, CAN-I-JOIN?" Omega asked.
"Sure thing, buddy!" Shadow said with what was most definitely not a smile.
"YAY," Omega said.
"Perhaps we should resume the story before Shadow snaps and murders us all?" Espio suggested.
Charmy nodded. "Yeah, I always figured he'll do it eventually, but I'd rather it not be today."
"I'd be happy to finish it," Amy said, getting irritated by all these interruptions.
…
"No! That can't be!" Amy cried. "I'm supposed to get the guy! Mommy told me I was always female lead material, not the secondary girl who gets paired with a spare!"
"Sorry, darling, but that's more or less exactly what you are," Gypsy said apologetically.
…
"If Amy were to be 'paired with a spare,' who would that spare be?" Tails wondered.
"Well, I've got Blaze, you've got that thing with Blaze's friend Cosmo, Charmy's got a crush on Cream, Vector's madly in love with Cream's mom, Rouge is with Knuckles, Omega is a robot, Silver's from the future so might be one of our descendants, and Big is… Big, which only leaves Espio or Shadow," Sonic speculated.
The chameleon and other hedgehog's eyes widened in horror. "I can't be with Amy!" the ninja cried. "I've, ah, taken a vow of chastity as part of my training! Yes, that's it! Vow of chastity, that's the spot!"
"And I'm gay, remember?" Shadow said quickly.
"I thought you said you weren't," said the confused Knuckles.
"If it's a choice between men or the pink hedgehog, I'll take men any day," Shadow said flatly.
Amy's eye started to twitch. "You know, I'm starting to get the feeling you guys don't like me very much."
"Whatever gave you that idea?" Blaze asked dryly.
"You've got a crush on me?" the surprised Cream asked Charmy.
The bee blushed. D-dammit, Sonic!
…
"But if I don't get Sonic, then who will?" Amy asked, wondering who it was that she would have to kill to win the heart of her one true love.
Gypsy's wings fluttered, the crystal ball changing to show Sonic holding hands and sharing a meaningful look with a regal cat. "He shall fall in love with a Queen from a distant land, one who's really ugly and smelly and dresses badly and is a cruel and greedy tyrant and stupid and ugly and he's only in love with her because she cast some wicked spell on him because she's totally a witch and did I mention she's ugly?"
…
"Okay, there's no way she said that!" Sonic said.
"She totally did! Honest!" Amy said.
"Uh-huh. Sure," the blue hedgehog said, not believing her.
"I don't believe you!" Knuckles yelled.
Amy scowled.
…
"But do not fret, young one," Gypsy said, noticing the heartbroken look on Amy's face. Her wings fluttered, and the images in the crystal ball began to change yet again. "For you shall one day find true love of your own with–"
"NO!" Amy shouted, lunging forward to grab the ball.
Gypsy started, her wings fluttering. "W-what are you –"
"I don't WANT someone else, I want SONIC!" Amy shrieked, shaking the crystal ball frantically and causing the images to shift and jumble and twist in on themselves like some weird mix between a snow globe and a kaleidoscope. "Show me with Sonic! Show me having our perfect wedding and honeymoon and house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and 2.5 adorable children! SHOW ME! SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME!"
"Stop it, you fool!" Gypsy cried, rising from her chair. "If you're not careful, you'll break–"
SMASH!
"It," Gypsy finished, a blank look on her face.
Amy gulped and looked nervously at the fragments of glass covering the table, wailing spirits rising from the shards and dissipating into the ether. "Eheheh… Oops?"
"You. Little. FOOL!" Gypsy shrieked, her wings flaring, all the scales on them flashing with an eldritch light. "Do you have any IDEA what you've just done?!"
"I-I can fix it!" Amy said desperately, trying to pile the pieces of the ball into one heap as an ill wind blew throughout the tent, the ground shook, and she could hear the screams of the damned and ominous chanting from the various artifacts and curios littering the room. "A little glue and tape, and it will be as good as new! O-or, maybe I could buy you a new one! My mom is totally good for the money, I swear! I-I mean, these things can't be THAT expensive… Can they?"
"THAT WAS A GIFT FROM MY LATE MOTHER!" Gypsy screamed, seeming to grow bigger and bigger before the young hedgehog's eyes, an eerie light emanating from her form. "IT HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THROUGH MY FAMILY FOR COUNTLESS GENERATIONS!"
"So… I'm guessing that means we can't just pick up a new one from the store, then?" Amy said meekly.
"IMPUDENT WRETCH! FOR THIS GREAT WRONG YOU HAVE BROUGHT UNTO ME, A CURSE I SHALL PLACE ON YOUR HEAD!" Gypsy roared, her eyes glowing red and her voice sounding like multiple people were speaking at once, some of whom did not sound particularly friendly. Or angelic.
"Don't you think you're overreacting a little?" Amy asked frantically.
"NO!" Gypsy bellowed. "HEAR YOUR FATE, WORTHLESS ONE! NOT ONLY SHALL YOU NEVER BE WITH SONIC, NOR SHALL YOU EVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE! YOUR OBSESSION WITH A MAN WHO WILL NEVER, EVER BE YOURS WILL GROW SO MUCH THAT IT CONSUMES YOUR ENTIRE LIFE! YOU SHALL BE INCAPABLE OF TELLING OTHERS APART FROM HIM! YOU WILL BECOME SUCH A CARICATURE OF YOURSELF THAT EVEN YOUR LOVED ONES WILL EVENTUALLY TURN AWAY IN DISGUST! YOU SHALL DIE BITTER AND ALONE, CLINGING TO THE DREAM OF A LIFE THAT COULD NEVER HAVE BEEN YOURS! SO SAY I, GYPSY THE MOTH! NOW LEAVE THIS TENT, AND NEVER RETURN!"
…
Everyone stared at Amy in astonishment. "… Huh," Sonic said. "Suddenly, a lot of things about you make a lot more sense."
"Come to think of it, she WAS less annoying or obsessed over you at one point," Tails recalled.
Knuckles nodded in agreement. "Yeah, she used to be able to talk to you WITHOUT asking you to marry her every five minutes!"
"And I suppose that explains why she thought I was Sonic from behind," Shadow mused. "And here I thought she was just near-sighted or something." He frowned. "But then, why did the rest of the world think he was me…?"
"STUPIDITY?" Omega suggested.
"Ah, yes, that would explain it," Shadow said.
"You poor thing," Rouge said sympathetically. "All this time, I thought you were a horrid, spiteful , annoying little shrew because that was just who you were…I had no idea it was because of a curse!"
Amy growled. "I don't WANT your pity…"
…
"What about the escape clause?" Amy asked, having to yell to be heard over the wailing spirits.
Gypsy paused, shrinking slightly, and her glow ebbing. "The what now?" She asked, her voice lowering a bit.
"The escape clause! You know, the way to break the curse you just put on me?" Amy asked.
Gypsy frowned. "Now why on Earth would I ever tell you that?"
"Well, because you have to!" Amy insisted. "All the stories say so! Whenever a witch or sorcerer or evil enchanter curses someone else, they also throw in the one way to break it! You know, like making them sleep in stone forever until their Castle is raised above the clouds or the sky is turned into fire, or how a woman must serve a witch until the moon loses her daughter if it happens in a week when two Mondays come together, or that old standby-and my personal favorite-true love's kiss! It's a basic law of magic or something, isn't it?"
"… Dammit, you're right!" Gypsy cursed. "I'd almost forgotten about that… All right, give me a second… Curse escape clause, curse escape clause…aha! I've got it!"
"Is it true love's kiss?" Amy asked hopefully. "PLEASE be true love's kiss!"
"Your curse shall be broken when you are kissed by your true love…" Gypsy started.
"YES!" Amy cheered.
"Who will not be Sonic," Gypsy continued.
"What?!" Amy cried.
"On your 5,973,124,566th birthday," Gypsy went on.
Amy blinked. "Wait, what?"
"Beneath the light of 12 full moons, 70 half-moons, two quarter moons, and 1000 Crescent moons sharing the sky at the same time as 50 red dwarf stars, one supermassive blue star, and a smattering of red and yellow regular-sized stars orbiting a black hole while riding on the back of a 17 legged incredibly dapper giant cosmic crab with a top hat, monocle, and mustache raping the carcass of a giant mauve star whale on the surface of an asteroid made out of an alloy that's exactly 57.3% nickel, 12.5% copper, 10.4% iron, and the rest is made of a mix of neptunium and bubble gum in a nebula shaped like a horse head wearing a rainbow afro 100,000 light years from here in a parallel universe, after you've been bitten and injected with the incurably lethal venom of the Lesser Bolarian Arachnochimp, at EXACTLY thirty-two minutes and forty-three seconds after Eleventy-nine AM, Galactic Standard Time, during a Multiversal Equinox, an event that only occurs every one trillion years and the latest one was about…seven months ago," Gypsy said. "Oh, and you'll be eaten by a Space Dragon immediately after."
Amy's jaw dropped. "But, but that's ridiculous! There's no way I'm going to be able to do all of that!"
"That's the idea," Gypsy said smugly.
"But that's not how it's supposed to work! Curse escape clauses should be actually POSSIBLE for someone to exploit!" Amy protested.
"Of course it's possible for you to exploit this clause!" Gypsy said. "In an infinite multiverse, anything is possible! Now, probable, on the other hand…"
"But that's not fair!" Amy argued.
"Neither was you breaking the crystal ball that's been in my family for generations," Gypsy said.
"But I've never heard of a curse escape clause being that ridiculously complicated before!" Amy pressed.
"Well, of course you haven't," Gypsy said. "Kid, do you know why all those curses you mentioned, all the powerful enchantments laid upon some poor soul by a wicked magician, always get broken?"
"Because good always triumphs over evil?" Amy guessed.
Gypsy laughed hysterically. "No, it's because the guys who cast those curses lack imagination or proper inventiveness, and so are always shocked when their victims eventually find a way to break the spell and seek retribution. Nobody's ever broken any of my curses, because I'm actually smart enough not to give them an easy way out. Now, I suggest you leave before I put a really nasty curse on you."
"But-"
"I said, GET OUT!" Gypsy screamed, a wave of power blasting off her and throwing Amy out of the tent, where she landed with a painful thud at the feet of her mother.
"Amy! Honey! Are you okay?" the older hedgehog asked in concern.
"I think I've just been cursed," Amy groaned as she tried to regain her orientation.
"Well, now you know why I'm scared of fortunetellers," Amy's mother said. "Oh, honey, I'd like you to meet Hood the Cobra," she said, indicating the beautiful snake charmer from before, whose hand she was holding tightly. "She's a new friend who's going to be staying with us for a little while."
"For how long?" Amy asked.
"Ass long asss I am welcome," Hood hissed.
"Well, so long as she doesn't sleep in my room, that's okay," Amy said grudgingly.
"Oh, sweetheart, trust me, that won't be a problem," Amy's mother said, blushing and looking fondly at Hood, who smiled back.
…
"And, ultimately, it wasn't. Mom stopped drinking so much once Hood moved in, and with her help, was able to get a better paying job and clear all of dad's old debts. They got married a few months later. It was very nice. Their anniversary's in a couple of months," Amy said. She frowned, noticing that the others were giving her shocked and somewhat pitying looks. "What? What is it?"
"How could she?" Asked the horrified Cream, starting to tear up. "I know you destroyed her crystal ball, but to give you a curse like that, and then make it THAT hard to break… That's so cruel!"
"Yeah, that's one of the most complicated and ridiculous curse escape clauses I've ever heard of, and I read a lot of fantasy too!" Charmy said.
"Blaze, magic's more common and widespread in your world than it is in ours. Do you think there's anything your wizards can do?" Tails asked.
"I'd have to have them examine her to determine the magical makeup of the curse," Blaze said. "While the escape clause is the standard way to break a curse, there are certain other enchantments or talismans that can be used to suppress or abate its effects." She made a face. "I am not exactly looking forward to bringing her into my realm, but…if it is necessary to help her, then I will do it."
"Don't worry, Amy," Sonic said, taking Amy's hand. "Even though you get on my nerves at times, you're still my friend… And if it'll help make you better, I promise I'll do whatever it takes to break this curse!"
Amy gasped, stars in her eyes. "Oh, Sonic! Thank you so much!…Though you don't need to do that, really. After all, I'm not cursed."
There was a pause. "Wait, what?" Asked the confused Vector.
"But… You just said you were cursed. You told us a whole story about it," said the perplexed Espio.
Amy laughed and waved her off. "Oh, please! That fortuneteller didn't curse me! She was a fraud and a charlatan! That was nothing but smoke and mirrors, she had no real power!"
"It certainly sounded like she was the real deal," Rouge said skeptically.
"And it looked that way in your memory, too," Shadow said. "Though I suppose, given that you were a child, it's possible that your memories from that time might have been clouded somewhat…"
"No, my recording device filters out for that sort of thing using incredibly complicated telepathic quantum circuits," Silver said. "The memory she showed us is what really happened."
"But then why do you claim that you were not cursed, when you quite clearly were?" Asked the confused Blaze.
"I can't have been cursed, because she said that I don't have any future with Sonic!" Amy said. "That's all the proof I need to know that she's a phony, because someone who could REALLY see the future would know I'm going to marry him someday!"
Just about everyone facepalmed. "Oh, for the love of…" Said the incredulous Sonic.
"Well, there goes most of the sympathy I had for," Blaze snarked.
"DOES-NOT-COMPUTE. DOES-NOT-COMPUTE," Omega beeped.
"Wait, but if you think the fortuneteller is a phony, then how do you explain how she was able to quite clearly predict Sonic's existence, or all that other eerily specific and accurate stuff about the rest of us?" Asked the confused Knuckles.
"Don't bother, Knuckles," Rouge said, rolling her eyes in frustration. "I think it's pretty clear by now that 'logic' and 'Amy Rose' don't belong in the same sentence. She probably wouldn't be able to notice the hypocrisy of her story, even if you pointed it out to her with a big neon sign."
"I went to see a lot of other fortunetellers after that," Amy said, ignoring Knuckles' statement and proving Rouge's point. "And I was able to figure out the real ones from the fakes pretty quickly. The real ones told me I had a wonderful future with Sonic, while the fake ones told me I didn't! Granted, the genuine ones often needed a little prompting to give me that prediction, and after a while I got issued a restraining order to stay away from any licensed fortuneteller for the rest of my life, but I don't see how there's any correlation whatsoever."
"…The more she talks, the more I do not understand why she isn't in an insane asylum," said the incredulous Shadow.
"I heard she was briefly committed, but they kicked her out because they got sick of her talking about Sonic all the time," Rouge said.
"WE'RE sick of her talking about Sonic all the time. Why can't we kick HER out?" Espio demanded.
"Because she'd hit us with her hammer if we tried?" Charmy said.
"…Good answer," Espio admitted.
"Since I wasn't allowed near fortunetellers after that, I decided to become one myself! But all of my applications to go to magic school to learn about clairvoyance were rejected for some reason, so I started taking some courses online and got into tarot reading. I'd like to think I've gotten fairly good at using the cards, but I still haven't quite mastered them, because for some reason whenever I use them to try and determine when I'm going to marry Sonic, they keep telling me I won't! Clearly, I'm doing something wrong. Or the cards are defective. There's no other possible explanation," Amy said.
"Amy," Tails said slowly. "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason the cards and everyone else keep telling you that you will never be with Sonic is, quite possibly, because you will never be with Sonic?"
"No," the pink hedgehog said, looking confused. "Whatever gave you that idea?"
Tails sighed. "Oh, no reason…"
"Thank you, Amy. That was… Very informative, and a little terrifying," Silver said. "One more question before we move on. How did you get that hammer of yours?"
"The Piko Piko hammer?" Amy asked, raising her signature weapon. "After I got kicked out of Gypsy's tent, we went to try one of those 'test your strength' games. You know, the ones where you hit a lever with a hammer to try and ring the bell? I hit the bell on the first try, and my mom and Hood both agreed that I had some natural skill with it, so I started training with hammers as I grew older –after all, I couldn't be a heroine who helped Sonic save the world if I didn't have a few skills or two, right?"
"But the only reason you even knew about that was because a fortuneteller you believe to be a phony told you that would happen! That doesn't make any sense!" Argued Knuckles, not yet willing to let it go.
"Just forget it, Knuckles. Some battles just aren't worth fighting," Rouge said.
"After the Little Planet incident, I finished my training and my parents gave me this hammer as a birthday present," Amy concluded. "And I've had it with me ever since!"
"Huh. And here I thought you got it from a magic wish-granting ring that also made you older or something," Vector said.
"Why would you think that?" Espio asked.
Vector shrugged. "It makes much sense as anything else about our lives."
"True," the chameleon conceded.
"I had a magic wish-granting ring once," Sonic reminisced. "Well, technically it was a magic wish-granting GENIE bound to a ring who lives inside a book. I wonder how she's doing these days…"
"Now, I have a question for YOU, Silver!" Amy said, fixing the time traveler with a determined gaze.
"Uh…And what question would that be, Amy?" Silver asked nervously, getting a bad feeling about this.
"You're from the future!" Amy said. "Which means you must know when Sonic and I will finally get married!"
Silver, who knew no such thing because it was never going to happen ever, swallowed nervously. "Now, uh, you know, I can't tell you too much about the FYOO-CHURR, Amy. It could disrupt the fabric of the space-time continuum, after all!"
"Oh, come on! Can't you just give me a little hint?" Amy pleaded, giving Silver big puppy dog eyes while simultaneously tightening her grip on her hammer. "Pleeeeease?"
Silver thought carefully. He quite quickly came to the realization that if he gave Amy an answer she did not like, she would probably cave his head in with that hammer of hers. He did not want his head to be caved in. He liked his head. He needed it to do stuff. After some very careful consideration, he finally said, "There will be a very beautiful wedding in your future."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Amy squealed so shrilly that the others flinched and Rouge cried out in agony and clutched her head due to her supersensitive hearing. "Oh, thank you, Silver! Thank you so…waaaaait a minute… You didn't say WHO was getting married! And for that matter, you didn't even explicitly say that it was ME getting–"
"Team Chaotix!" Silver cried desperately. "It's your turn!"
"Oh boy!" Charmy cheered.
"Oh, joy," Espio sighed.
"All right! Whadda you got for us, Silver?" Vector asked.
"From what I've heard, you and a few others used to be a team of heroes," Silver said. "What happened to those others, and how did you go from a team of heroes to a detective agency?"
…
And that's that story done! Was I a bit cruel to Amy here? Maybe a little… But it was all in good fun, wasn't it? And to be fair, she HAS been getting a bit more and more deranged in her affections towards Sonic over the years, though that might just be my interpretation. She wasn't always this crazy regarding him, was she?
Anyway, the Chaotix are the focus of the next chapter. Time to pick whose backstory will be revealed in the one after that! And to make things more interesting, aside from the original selection of Knuckles, Rouge, Cream, Big (and Blaze), after suggestions from some of my other readers, I've decided to add the Babylon Rogues, Shade, and Sticks to that list. (Yes, the one from Sonic Boom. Don't worry, there's a good reason.) Please choose which of these you would like to feature in the chapter after next, and if there are any other characters who you'd like to see make an appearance, please let me know.