Bet you didn't expect a new chapter from me so soon, did you? Well, neither did I, so I guess we're both surprised.
Anyway, this one should be a short and sweet one, albeit one with a surprisingly large twist. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
…
"How I got Cheese?" Cream glanced at her pet and faithful companion, who squealed happily and clapped his appendages. "Why, I'd be happy to tell that story!"
"This should be cute," Rouge commented.
"And definitely less dark or grim than the last story!" Knuckles said hopefully. Everyone groaned. "What?"
"Knux, I think you just jinxed it," Sonic said.
"Yeah, way to go, Knucklehead!" Charmy sneered.
"O-oops," Knuckles said in embarrassment.
"Actually, he's right, there's nothing particularly dark or grim or even sad about this story," Cream interjected.
"Oh! In that case, sorry, Knuckles," Sonic apologized.
"You're still a Knucklehead, though," Charmy said.
"Well, yes, that was never in dispute," Sonic said. Knuckles groaned.
"So, just to be clear, this is going to be a light, sweet, fluffy story with nothing bad happening to anyone whatsoever?" Amy asked cautiously.
"Pretty much, yeah," Cream said.
"Wonderful! We desperately need something like that after that last one," Amy said, glaring at Blaze, who was drinking some soda while petting her Biter.
"It's not my fault my past is what it is," Blaze grunted.
"I hear that," Shadow agreed.
"I suppose it would be refreshing to hear something cute and innocent before we delve into the next bit of Blaze's story," Espio said.
"Like a breather episode on TV!" Vector agreed.
"SOUNDS-BORING. CAN'T-I-GO-SOMEWHERE-ELSE-UNTIL-THE-FUN-STUFF-STARTS-AGAIN?" Omega complained.
"No," Tails said. The robot groaned.
"Anyway, it all started a couple of years ago, when Mommy and I were having breakfast…" Cream began.
…
On a bright and sunny morning, Cream and her mother Vanilla, a very beautiful adult rabbit with cream and orange fur, a lavender dress, crimson vest and shoes, and an orange ascot were having breakfast in the incredibly opulent breakfast room of their expansive mansion. The floor was made of alternating tiles of marble and teak parquet inlaid with glittering chips of gold and turquoise covered in an exquisite carpet of Babylonian weave with a thread count higher than most people could count to in their heads in colors so vibrant it was incredible to think that it was actually thousands of years old. The walls were painted a soft, welcoming cream and salmon with a great number of masterpiece paintings and tapestries depicting rabbits resembling the chief residents of the manor in exquisite dress performing heroic and incredible feats hanging everywhere, interspaced with alcoves containing busts of numerous very handsome and exquisitely beautiful lapines resembling the ones in the tapestries and paintings. Great marble columns rose to a towering ceiling far overhead, which was covered in a mural depicting a wedding between the scions of two powerful and ancient rabbit clans, the two lovers staring at each other with far more affection than the rest of their families, who didn't look quite so happy to be there. (Or maybe they were just uncomfortable having to wear those extravagant but less than practical period outfits. One had to make many sacrifices to look fashionable.) A massive chandelier made of actual diamonds instead of much cheaper crystal or glass dangled from the ceiling beside a stuffed alligator, the light from the floor to ceiling windows covering one wall which stared out at the acres and acres of flower and statue gardens, hedge mazes, guesthouses, stables, lakes, and forests which made up their sprawling estate refracting from the many facets of the light fixture and reflecting off of dozens of cleverly placed mirrors to bathe the breakfast room in constant radiance that somehow did not hurt the eyes.
The centerpiece of the room was a table long enough to house the entire population of a small village, covered in a tablecloth of white silk inlaid with actual pearls. While comedic tropes would have Cream and Vanilla, the only two eating at the table, sitting on opposite ends and being forced to shout at the top of their lungs to be heard, instead they were sitting right next to each other; Vanilla seated at the table's head in a chair more like a throne, with Cream sitting on her right in a slightly less fancy chair which could also be conceived of as a throne, though one not quite as nice. Vanilla had already finished her breakfast and was reading the paper, muttering to herself under her breath with a vague displeasure and making notes into a PDA, while Cream was still eating. Once she'd finished, she carefully laid down her golden silverware on her golden plate, wiped her mouth, and said-
…
"Okay, okay, hold on a sec," Mighty interjected. "There's… There's no way you're that rich… Is there?"
"I… Kind of am, actually," Cream said uncomfortably. "I don't know how rich, precisely, certainly not as wealthy as Rouge or probably Blaze, but… We're pretty far up there. We are at least richer then Tails, I know that much."
"… Holy shit," the armadillo said.
"Vector, I think Vanilla just got even further out of your league," Espio commented, causing the crocodile to grimace.
"Ha ha!" Charmy laughed, pointing at Vector.
"Charmy, you realize that if Vanilla's out of my league, Cream's out of yours?" Vector growled vindictively.
"… Oh," the bee whimpered, antenna drooping.
"That is an incredibly excessive display of wealth and opulence," Rouge remarked. She smiled. "I approve wholeheartedly! Granted, it's not anywhere NEAR as impressive as back home, but still, not bad for a mortal."
"Holy crap… And that's your actual house, and the place we've visited before is just your summer house?!" Asked an amazed Sonic.
"Actually, no, the place you visited before was my summer house, and this is my vacation house," Cream corrected. "My real house is much bigger."
"How much bigger?" Shadow asked.
"You've heard, I'm sure, of estates large enough that they have their own ZIP Codes?" Cream asked.
"Of course," Espio said.
"Well, my real house is large enough that each WING has its own ZIP Code," Cream confessed.
"… Jesus," Sonic whistled.
"Mine's still bigger!" Rouge said cheerfully.
"So is mine, but I'm not bragging," Blaze grumbled.
"Isn't a place that big awfully big for just the two of you?" Asked the dumbfounded Knuckles, having trouble wrapping his mind around this.
"Oh no, it's not just the two of us," Cream corrected. "Cheese is there too! And Chocola! Oh, and Gemerl, too!"
"Chao, Chao!" Cheese chirped.
"Err, the five of you, then-" Knuckles started.
"As well as a rather sizable staff of servants, and numerous members of our family-of which my mother is the head of and is very large—either passing through or in permanent residence," Cream added.
"Oh. That makes more sense," Knuckles said.
"Yeah, considering that they're rabbits, it makes sense that she'd have a very large family," Mighty said.
"Why?" Cream asked innocently.
Mighty froze. "Err…"
"Also, is that racist? I'm not sure if that's racist or not," Vector said.
"Is it racist if it's true?" Charmy asked.
"It can be," Espio said.
"How come you never let us over to your real house?!" Amy demanded. "Or at least your vacation house?!"
"Because while Mommy respects you and thinks you're all very nice people, and is glad that you're all such good friends to me, given how often and easily things are broken and utterly destroyed around you, she'd rather not have you anywhere near something as valuable, expensive, and irreplaceable as most of the things we have," Cream said apologetically. "Plus, she's afraid Rouge would try to steal everything in sight."
"That's a fair point," Shadow admitted.
"The woman knows me well," Rouge said proudly.
"But how… How the heck are you able to afford all that stuff?!" Vector demanded, stunned by just how big the divide between him and the object of his affections really was.
"Old money, I think?" Cream said uncertainly. "We come from a very, very, very long line of incredibly wealthy rabbits dating back over a thousand years, though I'll admit it's probably not as impressive as Miss Rouge's lineage. Also, instead of simply living off our accumulated wealth, Mommy works in the 'family business,' which she inherited from grandpa and she promises she'll pass down to me when I'm old enough."
"I approve," Rouge said.
"What's the 'family business?'" Tails asked.
"I'm not really sure, actually," Cream admitted. "Mommy says it's big and complicated and she'll explain it when I'm older. She seems to be involved in a lot of things, though, given what I've overheard from her phone calls and business meetings."
"Like what?" Blaze asked.
"Tennis," Cream said.
They exchanged confused looks. "Tennis?" Shadow asked.
Cream nodded. "Yes, I've heard her talk about protecting rackets, so I can't think of any possible alternative." As the others exchanged uncertain looks, she continued to say, "Also, orthopedic footwear."
"Footwear?" Asked a baffled Knuckles.
Cream nodded. "Yes, though I'm not sure what sort of foot problem would require shoes made of cement. They sound very heavy and hard to walk in. Though I seem to call Mr. Sonic once saying that Eggman once swapped his shoes for incredibly slow and heavy ones then trapped him in a labyrinth and he had to find the Chaos Emeralds to get them off, so maybe it's like that, but not evil?"
"Um…" Vector said uncomfortably, getting a slow realization.
"I think she's also into aquariums, because she's mentioned sleeping with fishes," Cream continued. "Oh, and laundry, which she apparently pours a lot of money into. And I don't know how you can profit from traffic, but she apparently does, so there must be some way to do so. Oh, and medicine, because she mentions drugs on the phone from time to time. She must do something with beds too, because I hear she's always 'going to the mattresses.' That or she takes lots of naps. She also likes horse races a lot, though I'm not entirely sure how one can 'fix' those, so I guess she employs lots of horse doctors?" She frowned and scratched her head as more and more of the others gawked at her incredulously. "Also, for some reason, when people come over, a lot of the time they call her 'Donna,' which is odd, because her name is Vanilla."
There was a momentary silence. The others exchanged stunned looks. There was no way Cream could be this naïve, or that her mother could be what she was implying she was… Could she?
"SUDDENLY, I-AM-A-LOT-MORE-INTERESTED," Omega said.
"Wait, wait, wait," Charmy said, incredulous. "Cream, are you saying that your mother is a-"
"A KIND AND WONDERFUL WOMAN WHO HAS DONE NO WRONG!" Vector screamed frantically, clamping the bee's mouth shut.
"Um, Cream, honey? Do you think you could give us a moment to talk about something completely unrelated to your mother in private?" Amy asked nervously.
Cream narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Wait a minute, are you about to talk about something you don't think I'm old or mature enough to understand?"
"Err…" Amy said nervously, tucking at her collar.
Blaze quickly manifested a fireball, and then blew on it, causing it to cool off and Harden into a molten lump. "Cream, how would you like to play fetch with my little friend here?" The Biter looked up excitedly, barking and panting when he saw the ball.
Cream's eyes narrowed further. "Okay, now I KNOW you're trying to get me out of the way to talk about something private…" Her expression brightened. "Fortunately, I love playing with animals, so I'll go along with it. Give me the ball!"
Blaze tossed Cream the ball. The rabbit fumbled with it, surprised by how warm it was despite wearing gloves, and then ran off with it, giggling as Cheese and the happy Biter chased after her. Everyone watched her run off and start playing fetch with the slavering lava monster, and then, once they were sure she was out of earshot, Espio spoke up. "Okay, so, am I correct in assuming that all of us believe Cream's mother is actually some sort of crime boss?"
"Pretty much, yeah," Sonic said.
"I had gathered as much myself," Blaze agreed.
"Wait, she is?!" Knuckles asked in disbelief.
There was a pause, and then everyone stared at him incredulously. "… Knuckles, what did you THINK we were talking about?" Mighty asked.
The echidna shrugged. "Heck if I know. I barely have any idea what's going on most of the time anyway." Everyone groaned. "What makes you all so sure she's a crime boss?"
"Because most of the activities Cream described are, when you remove the filtering provided by an innocent little girl who has no idea what she's listening to and may willfully be deceiving herself as to the true nature of her mother, are all things generally performed by the leader of an organized crime syndicate," Shadow explained.
"Oh," Knuckles said. "Are you sure that this all isn't just some misunderstanding and it turns out that everything Cream overheard was actually completely innocent and innocuous and we're all making a big deal over nothing? That happens on TV all the time."
"This isn't television," Espio pointed out. "This is real life."
"While it's POSSIBLE that we are making a mistake, it's rather unlikely," Rouge explained.
"Especially because the agency has suspected for some time that Cream's mother might have some connection to the infamous Cottontail crime family, a syndicate which has had a finger in organized crime all over the world for hundreds of years," Shadow added.
"What?! Why didn't you tell us sooner?!" Charmy demanded.
"Because it was speculation, rather than fact," Shadow said. "They're very good at covering their tracks. Plus, it wasn't really any of your business."
"Cream is our friend, and Vanilla is her mother and also a friend! How is that not our business?!" Amy demanded.
"We are your friends, and a lot of the things we do are DEFINITELY not your business," Shadow said bluntly.
"Rouge, wouldn't you know for sure? I mean, aside from the fact that you're a super-spy, you've got pretty close ties to organized crime, and then there's the whole vampire thing…" Tails asked.
"Well, naturally we've had dealings with the Cottontails, but they've been dealing with us for long enough to know how to keep us from knowing a lot of the things they don't want us to, including who their leader is," Rouge explained. "Even we don't know everything, just… Well, almost everything. It being Vanilla WOULD make some sense given a few other things we suspect, though…"
"NO!" Vector shouted. "I refuse to believe it! There's no way my dear sweet Vanilla could possibly be a vicious crime boss! It's just not possible!"
"Well, look at it this way, Vector," Charmy pointed out. "If the two of you hook up, not only will you be super-loaded, all of the loan sharks will definitely back off!"
"Well, that would be pretty nice – I mean, NO! Even if it were true, which it isn't, there's no way I'd go for it!" Vector insisted. "I became a detective to FIGHT evil, not marry into it!"
"Are we really sure that Vanilla IS evil, though?" Amy asked. "I mean, even if she IS a crime boss – not saying she is, just throwing it out there – I mean, she's so nice! Even if… You know, she didn't want us anywhere near her REAL house…"
"She always does make the best cookies…" Tails recalled fondly.
"And she let me spend the night when I had nowhere else to stay on my first visit in this world," Blaze remembered with a smile.
"And she was nice enough to sponsor me for that rehab program," Charmy remembered. Everybody looked at him. "What? I told you, we live in a bad neighborhood!"
"It's perfectly possible for Vanilla to be a loving, caring mother and friend, while at the same time being a vicious crime boss," Rouge pointed out. "I mean, my mom is the most wonderful woman I can think of, but also a cunning dictator who rules the world in secret, and Blaze is the woman Sonic loves and a loving mother, as well as a part-demon destroyer of worlds bent on conquering her planet. I've saved the world a bunch of times, but I'm also a spy, a thief, a vampire, and future ruler of the world who was already very accomplished at playing multiple sides. Shadow has almost destroyed the world nearly as many times as he's saved it, has a complicated past, and is the leader of a race of aliens who tried to invade us more than once. People are complicated. We can't all be one-dimensional heroes or villains, after all."
"Yeah, yeah, I know…" Sonic grumbled. "You keep reminding me…"
"If only there was a way for us to know for sure…" Tails murmured.
"We're detectives. We could investigate," Espio suggested.
"And prove that Vanilla is completely innocent and not a mob boss!" Vector yelled.
"There are a number of lines we could pursue in inquiry, both mundane, clandestine, and more… Supernatural," Rouge said with a nod.
"Or we could just ask Silver, because he's from the future and might know," Knuckles suggested.
Everyone glanced at the time traveler, who'd been standing aside watching while they debated. "Don't be silly, Knuckles, there's no way Silver would ever tell us something like-" Amy started.
"Yep, Cream's mom is totally Donna Cottontail, head of the Cottontail crime family and one of the wealthiest and most powerful criminals in the entire world," Silver interrupted.
Everyone stared him. "… Oh, so NOW you feel like telling us something important?!" Amy yelled, throwing up her hands in exasperation.
"It's part of the past, not the FYOO-CHUR, so I have no reason not to tell you," Silver said.
"Then why didn't you mention it before now?!" Sonic demanded.
Silver shrugged. "You didn't ask. Plus, I enjoyed watching you guys argue about it." Sonic facepalmed.
"Huh. So now we know," Tails said.
"Kind of anti-climactic," Mighty remarked.
"I can't believe it… My best friend is the daughter of a crime boss… I feel so… So…" Amy paused for a moment, and then frowned. "… Underwhelmed and unsurprised, actually, given some of the other stuff I've learned today."
"Yeah, being a vampire Princess or a destroyer of worlds is hard to beat," Sonic agreed.
"At least nobody's talking about how horrible my species was anymore," Knuckles said happily.
"I-WONDER-HOW-MANY-PEOPLE-VANILLA-HAS-HAD-KILLED?" Omega wondered.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! She can't be a crime boss! She can't be! Please, say it ain't so! SAY IT AIN'T SO!" Vector wailed, shaking Silver frantically.
The time traveler telekinetically shoved the crocodile off of him. "It's so." Vector burst into tears.
"I don't suppose you'd be willing to tell us whether or not Cream inherits the position from her mom?" Shadow asked.
"Or whether or not she marries me?" Charmy asked nervously. Everyone looked at him. "What? Her being a crime boss isn't necessarily a deal breaker!"
"Could she even inherit the position from her mother? I mean, isn't she already the immortal Empress of all Chao?" Mighty wondered.
"I don't see why not. The two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive," Tails reasoned.
"No, I'm not telling you," Silver said. "Because it involves your FYOO-CHUR, not your past."
"Oh well, worth a try," Charmy said with a shrug.
"VANILLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Vector wailed.
"It could be worse," Espio said, trying to comfort his friend. "She could be Mr. Carruthers."
Mighty shuddered. "Please don't bring that name up again. Whatever happened to him, anyway?"
"Oh, he died," Charmy said.
"Phew," the armadillo said, relieved.
Vector paused in his sobbing to consider this. "… You make a good point. Compared to him, crime boss really isn't all that bad," he admitted. "And hey, maybe I could convince her to turn the business around! Power of love and all that!"
"That didn't work so well for Michael Corleone, as I recall," Shadow said.
"Is the Godfather trilogy really the best source of information for something like this?" Tails asked.
Shadow shrugged. "Can't hurt. They were good movies, after all, except for the third one." Pretty much everyone nodded in agreement.
"So… Where we go from here?" Blaze wondered.
"Well, if I can convince the agency to look more carefully at Vanilla and her suspected connections to Cottontail, maybe press known associates and contacts for information-" Rouge started.
"No, I meant with Cream. What do we tell her?" Blaze explained.
They considered this for a moment, then all turned to look at Cream, who was laughing happily and rolling around in the grass with Cheese and the Biter, though the latter had the unfortunate tendency to reduce everything he touched to smoldering ashes. "She said she wasn't happy with us always treating her like a little kid and hiding things from her for 'her own good,'" Rouge said uncomfortably.
"And she DOES have to grow up some day…" Vector agreed uneasily.
"On the other hand, do you think she's really ready to hear that her mother is one of the most notorious criminal kingpins in the world?" Amy argued.
"Is anyone EVER ready to learn something like that? I can't imagine her being older will make it any easier to hear," Espio pointed out.
"Plus, if she found out that we all knew but didn't tell her, I can't imagine she'd be happy," Tails agreed.
They stood in uncomfortable silence for moment, watching as Cream braided flower crowns for herself, Cheese, and the Biter, not particularly caring that the demon's crown burst into flames the instant she put it on it, since this just gave her an excuse to make another one.
"Oh hell, I can't do it," Sonic said finally.
"Neither can I," Blaze said with a sigh.
"I don't have the stomach," Shadow admitted.
"Same here," Rouge said unhappily.
"We can't keep it from her forever," Espio said.
"Nope, but that doesn't mean we have to tell her now," Vector pointed out.
"YOU-ARE-ALL-BEING-SISSIES," Omega said derisively. "I'LL-DO-IT-IF-NONE-OF-YOU-HAVE-THE-BALLS-FOR-IT."
"No, you will not!" Amy snapped.
"OH, FINE," Omega grumbled.
"Cream, honey, we're done!" Rouge shouted to the rabbit.
Cream stopped in her frolicking and rushed back over with Cheese and the Biter. "I don't suppose you're going to tell me what that was all about?"
"Not just yet," Amy said apologetically.
Cream sighed. "Figures. Well, at least I had a nice time. Thank you for letting me play with your pet, Blaze!"
Blaze chuckled and rubbed the chin of the demon, causing it to whimper happily. "Not a problem. It reminds me of how Honey used to play with my minions when she was much younger and learning how to master her powers…" She sighed wistfully. "She doesn't do that very often anymore, sad to say… Well, every child has to grow up eventually."
"Do you think you could continue the story, please?" Tails asked.
"Yeah, we're sorry for interrupting," Sonic apologized.
"It's not a problem," Cream said with an easy-going, forgiving smile, making them feel all the worse about what they were hiding from her. "Anyway, I asked my mother…"
…
"Mommy, can I ask you for something?" Cream spoke up.
Vanilla lowered her newspaper and looked at her daughter with curiosity. She had raised Cream to be a very kind, polite, and considerate girl, who was far from spoiled despite being showered with constant affection from her large extended family and receiving just about any gift or treasure her precious little heart could desire. As such, Vanilla knew that there was a nonzero chance of her getting Cream whatever it was she asked for, but felt she should ask anyway just to be safe. "That depends, poppet. What would you like?"
"Can I have a pet?" Cream asked.
Vanilla considered this for a moment. This did not seem like an unreasonable request. Cream was and incredibly loving and compassionate child with a sense of responsibility far more developed than most little girls her age had, and so her mother knew without a doubt that any animal Cream chose to take care of would be lavished with more love and affection then it knew how to deal with, and certainly wouldn't be ignored and left to the parents to take care of. "I don't see why not. What sort of pet were you thinking of? Would you like to go to the store to look for one?" In the back of her mind she was already running down a list of suppliers who owed her, animals which would not only make a good companion but loyal protectors for their owner, and less-than-legal places where such a pet could be… Enhanced to make it truly worthy of the girl who would inherit the family business.
"Most stores don't have what I'm thinking of. I was considering maybe… A Chao?" Cream asked hopefully.
Vanilla thought about this for a moment. A Chao. Yes, that might work. They responded to and changed shape based on the heart of their owner and grew stronger based on what they ate and how they were trained, and she could easily procure everything needed to ensure this Chao would be more than strong enough to protect her daughter. They also were like Phoenixes in that they reincarnated after death and, if cared for properly, had a chance of evolving into an immortal and indestructible being, making it the perfect life long companion and Guardian for her daughter, for Vanilla had no doubt in her mind that Cream would have no trouble raising her Chao to its ultimate form. "I think that sounds reasonable. Let me see…" She checked her PDA. "Yes, my next meeting isn't until this afternoon. How'd you like to go to the Chao Garden in half an hour to pick out an egg, and we can have lunch in town afterwards?"
Cream gasped in delight. "I'd love to!"
Vanilla folded her newspaper and rose from her seat. "All right, then. You get ready, I have a couple of things to take care of."
As Cream eagerly rushed out of the room to get ready, she heard her mother calling someone and saying, "Hello? This is the Donna, I'll be stopping by with my daughter very shortly and I expect nothing less than the finest selection of Chao eggs…"
…
Everyone cringed. "What?" Cream asked, worried.
"Nothing. Nothing. Keep going," Sonic said quickly.
…
A bit later…
The elevator door slid open, and Cream's eyes widened in wonder as she took in the sight of the Chao Garden spread out before her. It looked as if someone had somehow managed to transplant an idyllic slice of paradise to the entire floor of a major skyscraper. The floor was made up of lush green grass growing from genuine soil, winding cobblestone paths cutting their way around the room. Large palm trees growing big round fruits sprouted here and there along with bushes laden with colorful berries. Taking up a large corner was a rock formation and artificial mountain with waterfalls cascading down its surface into a large pool at its base. The walls and ceiling were covered in video panels depicting blue skies and fluffy white clouds to give the illusion that this was all outdoors.
But, most importantly of all, there were Chao! Chao of all shapes and colors, Chao snoozing on pillows or against each other, Chao eating from fruits and berries, Chao playing with toys or miniature animals or Chaos Drives, Chao frolicking and dancing and flying about on their tiny wings, Chao everywhere! "It's wonderful!" She cried ecstatically, eyes wide and brimming with delight.
Vanilla chuckled as she stepped up beside her daughter, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm glad you think so, Cream."
There was the sound of a propeller, and suddenly a small blue robot shaped like a Chao, with stubby limbs, a large onion-shaped head with a red two-bladed propeller attached on top with a grey wind-up key on the back, and a broad orange grin and big orange ripple-like eyes flew into view.
…
"Gah!" Knuckles yelped.
"What?" Cream asked, startled.
"Sorry, Omochao out of nowhere… It frightened me," Knuckles said apologetically.
Sonic nodded. "You aren't the only one, Knux… After Shade's story, I'm never going to be able to look at those creepy things the same way ever again."
They all shuddered. "You aren't the only one," Espio agreed.
"Before, I only hunted them down and took their heads when I was running low on ammo for my Omochao Gun," Shadow said. "Now, I think I'll just do it whenever I run into one of them."
"Won't that make whatever intelligence is controlling them angry?" Tails asked.
Shadow smirked. "I'm counting on it."
Cream made a face. "Well, I was kind of surprised when I saw it too, though I didn't think there was anything sinister about it at the time… Now, though…"
…
As Cream hid behind her mother's skirts, startled by the sudden appearance of the robot, the mechanical Chao spoke up. "Hi, I'm Omochao! I'm sorry, but the Chao Garden is closed today. Some VIPs reserved the whole floor-"
"That would be us," Vanilla spoke up.
Omochao did a double take. "Huh? Oh! I'm so sorry, Donna Cottontail! I didn't realize that was you. Oh, and this must be your daughter! Please forgive me for not recognizing you, you look rather different when you're not… Um… Doing business. Speaking of which, thank you again for the very generous donation you made, I promise you the money will be spent wisely."
"I'm glad to hear that," Vanilla said calmly. "However, we aren't here for business, or at least not… That sort of business. We are here to find my daughter a Chao. Do you have eggs meeting the specifications I gave you ready?"
"We do indeed! Right this way, please!" Omochao said, beckoning them down one of the cobble paths.
"Mommy, why do so many people call you Donna? That's not your name," said a perplexed Cream as they followed the robot through the garden, past many groups of happy Chao, all of whom stopped for a moment to look their way, curious as to the newcomers.
"It's not my name, it's my title," Vanilla explained. "Like president, or captain, or Queen. I am the Donna because I'm the head of the family business, and when you are old enough to take over, that shall be your title."
"Oh, I see," Cream said. "But… That means my name will still be Cream, right?"
"In private, yes. During business hours, you will be Donna Cottontail, just like I am," Vanilla explained.
Cream frowned. "I'm not sure I get it."
"Don't worry, you will when you're older," Vanilla assured her daughter.
Cream nodded, mollified. She didn't really understand what it meant to be Donna, but everyone always seemed to be so happy and excited to see her mother whenever she was around, so Cream assumed it must be a good thing. She wanted to be just like that when she was older.
…
"What's wrong now?" Cream asked warily, noticing how the others were cringing again.
"What? Oh, uh, we're, just, uh…" Vector stammered awkwardly.
"So… Delighted that you look up to your mother like that and want to be just like her someday!" Amy said quickly.
"Y-yes, I feel the same way about my mother," Rouge said quickly, forcing a smile.
"And my daughter has said the same thing about me many times. It always brings a smile to my face," Blaze added.
Cream frowned, giving them a suspicious look… Then shrugged it off and continued.
…
Omochao led them to a small clearing where three eggs were sitting in a nest of cushions and heated pads. One was white and pink, one was blue and yellow, and the last one was black and red. As Cream squealed in delight and rushed over to examine the eggs, Vanilla quietly murmured to Omochao, "Only three?"
"Your specifications were VERY exacting, Donna," Omochao said apologetically. "On the plus side, this means it'll be easier for your daughter to make her pick."
"That's true," Vanilla conceded. As they walked over to join the giddy younger rabbit, Vanilla asked the robot, "So, what can you tell us about these eggs, Omochao?"
Omochao flew over to hover above the three eggs. "Each of these eggs comes from one of our finest pedigrees, and is a culmination of generations of careful breeding. The white and pink egg was laid by Angel, our finest Hero Chao, whose lineage has bred true for compassion, love, and kindness. The blue and yellow egg was laid by Neph, one of our best Neutral Chao, whose lineage boasts undying loyalty and devotion for their owners. The last egg was laid by Rascal, possibly our most infamous Dark Chao, whose line tends to be very strong but also rather mischievous. Any of these would make a fine companion for a future Donna!"
"So, which one would you like, Cream?" Vanilla asked gently.
Cream looked from one egg to the other, back-and-forth, chewing on her lip in uncertainty. "Can't I take them all?" She asked timidly.
Vanilla shook her head. "I don't think you're ready for THAT level of responsibility just yet. For the time being, I think one pet is enough."
"But…b-but… I can't choose!" Cream cried anxiously. "They all sound wonderful! And…a-and what will happen to whichever two eggs I DON'T pick? Will whatever comes out of them feel sad that I didn't choose them instead?"
"I'm sure they'll be just fine," Vanilla said soothingly.
"But how can I know?" Cream insisted.
"Don't worry, we'll make certain each of them eventually finds a loving home," Omochao assured Cream. "That's what we do here! Why, it's not like we grind up unwanted Chao so they can be fed intravenously to some sort of ancient horror to fuel its unending hatred for all life on this world! That would be silly!"
Vanilla and Cream stared at the robot blankly. "That's… An oddly specific denial," Vanilla said carefully.
"Yes, it is!" Omochao said cheerfully.
"Welp, I'm convinced!" Cream said with a shrug. "Time to pick an egg!"
…
Everyone stared at Cream. "… In my defense, I had no idea what he was talking about and was too fixated on the idea of getting a Chao of my own," Cream said timidly.
"Chao Chao!" Cheese chirped.
"I'm never going to look at Chao Gardens the same way again," Amy said, going pale.
"Why? He said they weren't grinding up unwanted Chao so they can be fed intravenously to some sort of ancient horror to fuel its unending hatred for all life on this world," Knuckles said.
"… Knuckles, did it occur to you that it might have been LYING?" Asked an exasperated Shadow.
The echidna thought about this for a long minute. "No, it did not," he admitted.
"Okay, I think we need to make investigating the Chao Company our next big priority," Tails decided.
Rouge nodded. "With that and Shade's fears, I think we've more than enough reasonable evidence to justify a look around the place."
"And if they don't like us poking around… Well, tough," Sonic growled. "We tend to have a habit of going wherever we want, ESPECIALLY if it's to places other people don't want us to go. You could even say we've made a career out of it!"
"Sounds like fun. If I'm available, you can count me in as well," Blaze said, aroused by her beloved's thirst for adventure.
"I-WHOLEHEARTEDLY-APPROVE-OF-THIS-PLAN," Omega said. "ESPECIALLY-IF-IT-MEANS-I-GET-TO-KILL-THINGS."
"That can wait until we're done here," Silver said apathetically. "Cream, I assume you chose the middle egg?"
Cream nodded. "You assume correctly."
…
"Well… I think… I'll choose… This one!" Cream declared, pointing at the middle egg.
"Oh? Why that one?" Vanilla asked, raising an eyebrow. "I was expecting you to choose the egg from the Hero Chao."
"It sounds very nice," Cream admitted. "But something about the Neutral egg feels… Right to me. I can't explain why, I just know that that's the one for me!"
Vanilla smiled indulgently and nodded. "Very well. If that's the one you want, that's the one you'll get."
"Wonderful! The paperwork should be ready for you to pick up on your way out. I'm happy you were able to find a companion for your daughter, Donna!" Omochao said, sounding delighted.
Cream walked over to the egg, picked it up, and started nuzzling it. "Hello, little friend… You and I are going to have a wonderful time together, I just know it!" She blinked in surprise as the egg started to shake and crack. "Oh no! I broke it!"
"Far from it!" Omochao said, looking surprised. "It's not breaking, it's-"
The egg broke apart, revealing a perfectly ordinary-looking Neutral Chao. "Hatching!" Vanilla gasped.
"Chao Chao!" The Chao chirped.
Cream's eyes widened to their maximum, bright and shining, and she started squealing so high-pitch that it began to pass out of the range of audible hearing and into the sort of noise that only dogs could pick up. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! HE'S PERFECT!" She grabbed the Chao and started nuzzling and cuddling and hugging it with great vigor, much to its delight. "I'm going to name you… Cheese!"
"Chao!" The newly christened Cheese replied happily, which Cream took to mean that he liked the name. She giggled giddily, ecstatic to have a new friend.
"Incredible… I don't think I've EVER seen a Chao egg hatch that quickly!" Said an amazed Omochao. "Usually it takes a bit more time and care from the new owner, but your daughter… She bonded with and hatched her egg almost instantaneously! Such an ability is incredible… And… Potentially useful… Err, from a Chao-raising standpoint, that is!" It said quickly.
Vanilla smiled and nodded. "Yes, my daughter's capacity for compassion is virtually boundless. I think it would be almost impossible for her to find something or someone in this world that she is incapable of loving."
"I see…" Omochao murmured. "But… Is that sort of thing truly suitable for one who will one day become Donna? I mean… A heart that big, in that line of work…"
Vanilla smiled. "I can understand why you might think it a detriment, but… Somehow, I think she'll be all right, especially with companions as loyal and dependable as Cheese by her side. And besides…" Her smile grew as she watched her daughter play with her new friend. "Maybe a little more love is just what the family business needs…"
…
"And that's how I got Cheese!" Cream concluded.
The others applauded. "That was an absolutely adorable story," Blaze said fondly.
"Yes, and one without any sinister undertones or disturbing and shocking revelations whatsoever," Vector said a little loudly.
"OR-ANY-FIGHTING. IT-WAS-BORING!" Omega complained.
"Now, now, they don't always have to be great epics," Rouge said with a smile. "Sometimes something short and sweet is all we really need."
"I suppose you got Chocola when Vanilla decided that you responsible enough for a second pet after all and took you back to the Chao Garden to get one?" Espio asked.
"Oh no, Chocola is a changeling the Goblin King replaced Cheese with the first time the Chao kingdom called upon me to stop him in an attempt to prevent me from foiling his evil plans. I saw right through the ploy, however – like anyone would EVER be able to replace Cheese without me realizing it! – But showered him with so much love and affection anyway that he decided to turn on the King and become a Chao full-time so that he could live with me and receive the happy lifestyle he never got in his own realm," Cream said matter-of-factly.
Everyone stared at the rabbit in disbelief. "That… Actually sounds like a really interesting story," said an amazed Shadow.
"Yeah, I'd love to hear more about that, and how you became the immortal Empress, and your other battles against the Goblin King!" Charmy agreed eagerly.
"IT-WOULD-CERTAINLY-BE-MORE-INTERESTING-THAN-THE-STORY-WE-JUST-HEARD," Omega said.
"Rude! But not entirely inaccurate. Please, tell us more!" Said a fascinated Amy.
"Yes, I think we would all like to hear more about the sorts of fantastical and magical adventures you go on when we aren't around," Blaze agreed.
"Something of which I'm still jealous, even though rationally I know I shouldn't be," Sonic added.
"Well, okay-" Cream started.
"No," Silver said bluntly.
The others looked at the time traveler in surprise. "No? But-" Tails started.
"The only story I wanted to hear from Cream was how she got Cheese," Silver said. "I don't really care about anything else. You can hear her other stories on your own time, right now we need to focus on getting the information I need to stop Eggman Nega."
"Hey, now-" an annoyed Mighty started.
"No, he's right," Cream interrupted. "Saving the world and all our timelines is more important than some silly old stories. I can tell you all the rest later, if you're still interested."
Rouge sighed and shook her head. "Cream, sometimes I think you're too generous for your own good. But if that's how you want to play it, then I guess we should follow your example."
"Blaze, think you're up for the next part?" Sonic asked.
The cat nodded. "I think I am sufficiently rested, yes. Let's see now, where were we? Oh yes, we were about to head to the Feywoods-"
"Wait, before we move on, there's one more thing I want to know, Cream," Knuckles interrupted.
"What is it, Knuckles?" The rabbit asked.
"If it's about changelings, I can tell you that readily enough. They're-" Rouge started.
"No, no, that's not it," Knuckles interrupted. "Cream, a while back you said your father was a human and promised you'd tell us about it later. Well, it's later now. Who is it?"
"Now, I don't really think we need to know-" an annoyed Silver started.
"Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that!" Sonic said, snapping his fingers.
"Yeah, you promised you'd tell us!" Charmy agreed.
"…Oh yeah, I did say that, didn't I?" the rabbit asked, looking slightly uncomfortable.
"That you did, sweetie. So spill. Who was it?" Rouge asked, intrigued.
"Yes, what sort of guy was Vanilla into?" Vector asked desperately. "Er, for reference's sake."
Cream bit her lip, looking uneasy. "Cream, darling, if you don't want to tell us because it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to," Blaze said gently.
"YES-SHE-DOES," Omega interjected. Blaze glared him.
"N-no, it's okay," Cream said quickly. "I suppose… I suppose you were going to find out sooner or later. Just… Just promise me one thing, okay?"
"Sure, what?" Sonic asked.
"That… That you won't think any differently of me once you learn who he is?" Cream asked anxiously.
"We promise," Tails said.
"I-DON'T," Omega said. They ignored him.
Cream took a deep breath. "Okay… My father is… Dr. Eggman."
There was a long pause. "I'm sorry, what?" Espio asked after moment.
"Could you repeat that, please? I thought you said your father was Dr. Eggman," Rouge said.
"That's because he is. Dr. Eggman. He's my father," Cream repeated.
They stared at her. "You keep saying that," Mighty said slowly. "But it continues not to make any sense."
"Look, I don't care if it doesn't make any sense to you, Dr. Eggman is my father. And that's that," Cream snapped, starting to get frustrated.
"But… But… That doesn't… How… How would that even be…" Knuckles stammered, looking completely and utterly flabbergasted.
"When a mommy rabbit and a daddy mad scientist love each other very much and…" Shadow began, only to freeze in midsentence. "No. Oh God, no, I can't, I just can't. The mental images, they… I can't unthink them."
"Gee, thanks for that, Shadow," Rouge said with a grimace.
Sonic stared off into the distance, a shellshocked look on his face. "I think I begin to understand at last why Shade almost went insane when she first encountered Gizomochao. Some things are just too horrible to contemplate."
"This certainly puts that time Eggman kidnapped Vanilla when we first met Cream in a whole new light," Tails said, dazed.
"But if she… With Eggman!? Then that… And I… But we…ahiuoahgfshfdskwg!" Vector gurgled, collapsing to the ground in a twitching, drooling heap as his brain struggled to process this latest horrifying revelation about the woman he was in love with.
Cream cringed. "Yeah, I think I'm starting to understand why I never told any of you before now."
"Why DIDN'T you tell any of us before now?!" Amy demanded. "Or at least me?! I thought we were best friends, Cream!"
"We are!" Cream insisted. "But both Mommy and Daddy asked me not to tell anyone who Daddy really was. At the time I figured it was because they just wanted to keep things private for whatever reason because grown-ups do things I don't understand all the time. It's only today I started to understand that there might actually be a very good reason they wouldn't want anyone else to know. You know, because they were worried that widespread knowledge that I'm related to one of the most wanted and dangerous men alive might have a negative effect on my life or turn my friends against me or something like that."
"How did you not figure that out before now?!" An incredulous Charmy asked.
"Because I'm incredibly innocent and naïve! As if that weren't obvious enough already!" An exasperated and upset Cream retorted. "Though getting less so as the day goes on, it would seem."
"Cream, honey, we're sorry if we seem upset," Rouge said quickly. "We aren't angry with you, we're just… Surprised is all."
"That is an understatement," said a still-reeling Mighty.
"MY-CREATOR-PROCREATED? DOES-NOT-COMPUTE. DOES-NOT-COMPUTE. DOES-NOT-COMPUTE," Omega groaned, shaking and sparking as steam leaked from the sides of his head.
Cream whimpered. "Cream," Blaze said quickly. "This is a bit of a shock, but I assure you, we will not think any less of you for being the daughter of… That man. You are a good and pure and wonderful little girl, and all the horrible things he's done have no reflection on you whatsoever, just like all the things the ancient sphinxes did had no relation to my daughter Honey, and just as I refused to treat her differently because of her ancestry, neither shall I mistreat you because of your parentage. You are our friend, and that will not change, no matter who your father is."
Sonic nodded in agreement. "Yeah, what he said. You're our friend, Cream, and even if your dad is…*Shudder*Eggman, that won't change." The others nodded in agreement, though some needed a little more prompting than others, minds still struggling to comprehend this latest piece of news.
"Th-thank you, Blaze, Sonic, everyone," Cream said, relaxing slightly. "I'm glad to hear that."
"I still want to know how the heck this could happen!" Knuckles spoke up. "Not… Not the, you know, physical bits, obviously, but how… You know… Vanilla, and Eggman… They don't exactly seem…"
"They aren't," Cream said. "Not anymore, anyway."
"But they were, once," Espio gathered.
Cream nodded. "Yes. Once."
"What happened?" Amy asked, still struggling to comprehend how Vanilla, a wonderful older woman whom she greatly respected and at times considered a third mother, was not only an infamous crime boss but a former paramour of their sworn enemy.
"One-night stand?" Charmy suggested.
"VANILLA AIN'T NO SLUT!" Vector snapped, regaining his sanity at the perceived slight against his crush's honor.
"No, she's not," Rouge agreed.
"Well, of course not, my mother's a rabbit, not a nightstand," said a confused Cream.
"Cream, how did it happen?" Sonic asked. "If you feel comfortable telling us, of course."
"Well, several years ago, Grandpa made Mommy go back to school to earn some degrees he felt she needed before he felt comfortable handing over the family business to her," Cream began. "While she was there, she met Dr. Eggman, who was teaching classes in robotics and engineering and wasn't evil just yet. They struck it off, fell in love, and eventually got married."
"Awwww, that's adorable!" Amy cooed, before remembering she was gushing over the romance of her arch enemy, a rather ugly and morbidly obese older man, and had to struggle not to throw up.
"Unfortunately, it was not to last," Cream said sadly, hugging an equally sad Cheese. "When Daddy became obsessed with getting revenge on the world for not taking his ideas to use animals as a power source for his robots seriously, things became… Strained between him and Mommy. She thought that he was being silly fixating on something like this, and wanted nothing to do with his plans for world domination even if it did mean she'd become a Queen, and he was angry that she wasn't supporting him like he thought a good wife should. They argued a lot, and eventually got a divorce. Soon after that, I was born."
"Geez," Sonic whispered.
"… That's kind of sad, actually," Charmy admitted.
"Eh, I would still lay all the blame on him," Mighty said.
"As well you should! Vanilla did absolutely nothing wrong!" Vector insisted firmly.
"They're still on… Well, they could be on better terms, I guess, but it could also be worse," Cream said. "He comes over to visit on the holidays, and sometimes I spend weekends at his place. She also gives him a pretty big alimony check every month, which I think, with the advantage of hindsight and a slightly diminished naïveté, may be one of the major sources of funding for his world domination schemes."
"… Just how big a check is that, exactly?" Asked an incredulous Sonic.
"Well, Vanilla IS very rich…" Tails pointed out.
"Vector, you REALLY have to marry this woman," Espio said.
The crocodile flushed. "I'll, uh, I'll work on it."
"Rouge, if Eggman is using money provided by Vanilla to fund his plans…" Shadow murmured to the bat.
"Then she could be charged as an accessory? Something to keep in mind if we ever need to go after her," Rouge replied. She smirked. "After all, wasn't Al Capone taken down because of tax evasion?"
"So… Then, when Eggman kidnapped your mom the first time we met, and I had to go Super to rescue her…" Sonic inquired.
"He thought she hadn't sent him the alimony check for that month and was trying to force her to give it to him. It later turned out that it just got lost in the mail," Cream explained.
"And that time you called me to Eggman's Cryptic Castle to help you find Cheese… You never DID say how you got there…" Amy recalled. "I thought you'd gotten kidnapped, but…"
"No, I was staying there that weekend and couldn't find Cheese so I decided to call you for help," Cream confirmed.
"You couldn't get your…'dad' to help you?" Espio asked, trying not to feel too revolted by the word that had just come out of his mouth. This was going to take some getting used to.
"No, he was busy dealing with the Black Arms invasion and Mr. Shadow attacking his castle," Cream explained.
Shadow blushed as everyone looked at him. "Oops…"
"To be fair, I wouldn't really trust any of Eggman's robots to be able to find Cheese without screwing it up somehow," Charmy said. "Err, no offense, Cream."
"No, no, I understand perfectly," Cream agreed. "I love Daddy, but he's… Well… Not exactly the most reliable, you know?"
"But… How CAN you love him?" Asked an incredulous Amy. "I mean, I know that it's almost impossible for you to hate anyone, Cream, but he's…"
"I know what he is, Amy," Cream said wearily. "But he's also the man who makes the most wonderful toys for me on my birthday and Christmas, and builds robots who have no other purpose than to make me smile, and takes time out of his busy schedule scheming to destroy you all to play with me whenever I'm visiting, and has promised on more than one occasion that once he rules the world he'll give me a big part of it to do whatever I want with, even though I've told him more than once I don't WANT that. I know he's a bad guy and we fight him all the time and we can't let him win, but… He's still my dad, and I love him, and I think he loves me, as much as someone like him can."
"… That's… Actually really touching," Rouge admitted. "I wouldn't have expected that from Eggman."
"Who would've thought Eggman would have a… Not-so-bad side?" A bewildered Sonic wondered.
"There's a lesson to be learned from this, Beloved," Blaze said.
"I know, I know, I can't expect people to be one-dimensional characters… Not even Eggman, I suppose," Sonic mused.
"But… No, something about that still doesn't make sense!" Amy protested. "Cream, if your father loves you so much, then… Why does he try to kill you all the time, like the rest of us?"
"Hey, yeah, why does he do that?" Knuckles asked.
Cream shrugged. "He says that on the clock, he can't treat me any differently from anyone else so long as I persist in opposing him. He also says that he can't go easy on me just because I'm his daughter, and if I'm going to be the eventual heir to his Empire, I'm going have to earn it."
"… And… Your mom is okay with this?" Asked a bewildered Mighty.
"She says it'll be good practice for when I take over the family business," Cream said. "I don't really understand what she means, but I figure it's a good thing." They exchanged somewhat uncomfortable looks at this.
"Your mom is really okay with you constantly risking your life fighting your father?" Charmy repeated, still having trouble wrapping his head around this. Was that the sort of thing mothers normally did? Given that his mother had apparently abandoned him for having an annoying voice, he couldn't really tell.
"Why not? I'm fine with my daughter risking her life in great battles all the time," Blaze spoke up.
"Well, yes, but… Honey's a warrior, and Cream is…well…" Tails said hesitantly.
"Not?" Shadow quipped.
"Well, I wouldn't quite go that far…" The Fox said sheepishly.
"It's all right, really," Cream insisted. "Mommy trusts in me not to get in over my head, and is confident that so long as I have Cheese, all of you, and Alonzo by my side, she has nothing to worry about."
They exchanged confused looks. "Who's Alonzo?" Vector asked.
"He is," Cream said, nodding at something behind them.
They turned… And were astonished to discover that, leaning against one of the picnic tables and sipping a cup of punch, was an absolutely gargantuan elephant dressed in a black two-piece suit with a white shirt and red tie with a dapper Fedora. "Hello," the elephant said, tipping his head to them.
"What… Where did he come from?!" Cried a startled Mighty.
"I have the ability to smell the blood and hear the heartbeat of everything for miles… How did I not notice his?!" The astonished Rouge demanded. She frowned in thought, and then her eyes widened. "For that matter… I still can't…"
"MY-SENSORS-PICKED-UP-NOTHING," Omega said. "HOW-IS-THIS-POSSIBLE?"
"Oh, I've been here the whole time," the elephant said. "You just didn't notice me. Much like the armadillo, except in my case it's because I'm very stealthy instead of the rest of you being stupid and unobservant."
"…Ouch," Sonic winced.
"That hurts," Knuckles complained.
"Kind of accurate, though," Tails admitted.
"Yeah, especially in Vector's case!" Charmy agreed, causing the crocodile to flush.
"You're a giant elephant! How can you be stealthy?!" Asked an incredulous Shadow.
"With a great deal of effort. If you think that's impressive, though, you should get a load of those guys," the elephant said, nodding to the side.
They turned again… And saw about half a dozen black-clad ninjas standing there the food table, munching on chili dogs. They stopped what they were doing when they noticed they were being watched, and waved cheerfully.
"I… Did not detect them either," said a stunned Rouge.
"Have they been here the whole time as well?" Asked an astonished Blaze.
"Yep. And you didn't notice them because they're REAL ninjas who are actually good at their job instead of posers like the chameleon," the elephant grunted.
"… Words hurt…" Espio moped.
"Cream, I assume that these are… Friends of yours?" Vector asked.
Cream nodded. "Yep! Alonzo is my bodyguard, and the ninjas are part of a clan sworn to protect my family for generations. They follow me everywhere, on all our adventures, and you just never noticed them until I pointed them out just now."
"We are VERY good at being stealthy," the elephant, Alonzo, said with pride.
"Well…uh… You certainly are, that," Sonic said awkwardly. "Um, keep up the good work, I guess."
"Sure thing," Alonzo said, sipping his punch.
"Cream, could you please explain WHY you have a ninja clan sworn to protect your family?" Asked a dumbfounded Amy. "The bodyguard I can understand, but… Ninjas?!"
"One of my ancestors apparently rendered them a great service a long time ago, and they swore eternal loyalty to my family as a result," Cream said. "I don't actually know what it was, but it must've been something really good!"
"Let's… Assume that, yes," Shadow said uncomfortably.
"So what's your story, big guy? Is your family indebted to Cream's for some ancient service as well, and you're the latest in a long line of noble guardians and protectors?" Charmy asked.
"Nah, I just get paid a lot. Like, a lot a lot," Alonzo said. "Usually I'd say more than you could imagine, but given that a surprising number of you are really very wealthy, I imagine that you could imagine pretty high. So let's just say it's more money than those three sorry excuses for detectives could imagine, let alone are likely to see in their lifetimes."
"… Really doesn't like us, does he?" Vector muttered.
"No, I don't. I think the three of you are the worst detectives I've ever seen, can only barely qualify as heroes, are lowlifes who my charge is way too good to be hanging out with… Oh, and you have absolutely no chance whatsoever with Miss Vanilla," Alonzo said.
"Alonzo! You don't need to be mean to my friends!" Cream scolded the elephant as the Chaotix cringed.
"Miss Cream, your mother pays me to keep you safe. Nowhere in my contract does it say I have to be nice to your friends," Alonzo said bluntly. "Anyway, don't let me bother you. You guys can go back to your storytelling fun and games. Just pretend I'm not here, and it'll be exactly like it was before you knew I existed."
"How exactly are we supposed to pretend you're not here when you're standing right there?!" Knuckles demanded.
"Oh, it's easy. All of you, close your eyes and count to 10. You too, Omega," Alonzo said.
"I-DO-NOT-HAVE-EYELIDS," Omega argued.
"No, but you can shut down your optic sensors for a little bit, can't you?" The elephant pointed out.
"Just do as he says, Omega, I'm curious to see where this is going," Rouge said.
"FINE," Omega grumbled, his eyes going dim.
"There you go. And remember, no peeking! Trust me, I'll know!" Alonzo said as, one by one, everyone curiously or reluctantly closed their eyes.
"This feels stupid," Charmy grumbled.
"It would probably be a good idea not to antagonize the giant super-stealthy elephant," Tails pointed out. Charmy gulped and went silent.
After a count of 10, everyone opened their eyes…
And Alonzo was gone! So were the ninjas, but that was to be expected, really. "What the… Where did he go?" Sonic asked.
"MY-SENSORS-DO-NOT-DETECT-HIM-ANYWHERE," Omega reported.
"I can't sense him either," Rouge added. "But I couldn't sense him before, either, which might not mean anything."
"Which could mean that he's probably still here, hiding somehow, and we have no way of knowing it?" Knuckles asked, spooked.
"Most likely, yes," Blaze said.
"How the heck does he do it? Is this guy able to make himself invisible or something, like Espio?" Vector wondered.
"Nope, I'm just REALLY stealthy," Alonzo whispered in the crocodile's earhole. Vector yelped and whirled around… Only to see that the elephant was nowhere to be seen. Disembodied laughter could be heard all around them, but it was unclear what direction it was coming from.
"Wow, this guy's REALLY good," Mighty said with a whistle.
"I am extremely jealous," Espio glowered.
"Cream, do YOU know where he is?" Amy asked the rabbit.
Cream shook her head. "No, I never know where he or the ninjas are unless they want me to know. He says it's the hallmark of a good bodyguard."
"He must be a VERY good one, then," Shadow commented.
"One of the best in the business," Alonzo whispered into the black hedgehog's ear. To his credit, Shadow did not start, nor did he turn around, for he already knew that he would not find anything there.
"Alonzo's promised to teach me how to detect him, the ninjas, or any other friends or enemies who are concealed from view when I'm a little older," Cream explained. "I'm not ready for that just yet, though, so I'm content in knowing that they're always close at hand, even if I don't know where."
"A skill like that will definitely come in handy," Blaze said approvingly.
Cream nodded. "Yeah, Mommy says it'll be crucial once I take over the family business." Everyone struggled not to cringe at this.
"So… Putting aside the elephant… And ninjas… in the room, something just occurred to me," Tails said awkwardly, trying to change the subject.
"What's that?" Sonic asked his sidekick.
"Shadow, you were created by Professor Gerald Robotnik, and more or less consider him your father, just like I consider Dr. Blue mine, right?" Tails asked Shadow.
The black hedgehog nodded. "That is correct."
"So… Considering that Eggman is the Professor's grandson, and he's Cream's father, that would make her Gerald Robotnik's great-granddaughter," Tails continued his line of thought. "Which would make you…"
Cream's eyes widened in astonishment. "My… Great-uncle! Oh my gosh, that never occurred to me!"
Shadow was very still for a very long time, staring off into the distance. "I… I have family? From my terrestrial half?"
"Wait, doesn't Eggman-" Amy started.
"He's disowned, he doesn't count!" Shadow snapped.
Timidly, Cream approached the Ultimate Lifeform. "Can… Can I call you Grunkle Shadow?"
Without warning, Shadow burst into tears and hugged the rabbit, sobbing, "You can call me whatever you want, sweetie!"
"Awwwwwww!" Just about everyone cooed.
"You're recording this, right?" Rouge muttered to Omega.
"OF-COURSE," the robot said.
The bat grinned sinisterly. "Excellent."
A very annoyed Silver cleared his throat. "This has been a very lovely and very pointless detour, but can we PLEASE get back to what's important?"
"Oh, if we must," Shadow grumbled, regaining his composure, though he did not let go of his niece. Not yet. He stared at her adoringly, wondering how he couldn't have realized this sooner. Her eyes were so much like Maria's… They weren't the same color, but they had the same purity and love for life that she had. Shadow vowed in that moment that he would make sure that Cream would never lose that sparkle. He had already been forced to watch someone he cared for lose it once; he didn't think he could stand to watch another person he loved lose it again.
"Are you up to continuing your story, Blaze?" Sonic asked his girlfriend. "For real, this time?"
The cat nodded and stood up, causing her Biter to whimper when it realized it wasn't going to get any more petting anytime soon. "I believe so, yes. I've rested enough."
"Wonderful!" Silver said in relief.
"You know, while it'll be nice hearing more of Blaze's epic fantasy quest, I have to say, this little intermission wasn't half-bad," Mighty commented.
Rouge nodded. "Yes, I expected this to be a cute, fluffy, but ultimately inconsequential interlude. Instead, we actually learned quite a lot!"
"Yeah, like how Cream's dad is Dr. Eggman, her great-uncle is Shadow, Chocola is actually a goblin in disguise, and her mom is really a vicious mom boss!" Knuckles agreed.
Cream blinked. "Wait, my mom is WHAT?!"
"KNUCKLES!" Everyone screamed at the echidna.
"What?!" He yelled back indignantly.
"I thought we agreed NOT to tell her that! Why would you do that?!" An enraged Amy demanded.
Knuckles threw his hands up in exasperation. "Well, I figured that if she was okay with having Eggman as a dad, and Shadow as a great-uncle, and a former goblin like Chocola as a pet or an ex-weapon of mass destruction like Gemerl as a housemate, she'd be fine with Vanilla being a ruthless criminal mastermind!"
Cream paled. "My mom… My mom's a criminal?!"
Knuckles laughed nervously. "Apparently, I was wrong." Everyone groaned.
"You THINK?!" Shadow snarled.
"No, that would require him to actually be capable of doing so the first place," Espio said dryly.
"Knuckles, I honestly have to wonder sometimes why we even take you places," said a frustrated Sonic.
"Because if left to his own devices he'd break his own sacred charge just to pass the time?" Mighty grumbled.
"I'm trying not to do that anymore," the echidna said weakly.
"And how's that working out?" Shadow said venomously, resisting the urge to throttle the echidna for shattering his great-niece's worldview.
"… Could be better…" Knuckles muttered sheepishly.
"Nice going, moron," Alonzo growled into Knuckles' ear. "The Donna's not going to be pleased to hear about this…" The echidna gulped.
"My… My m-mother is… I…I don't understand…" Cream whispered, dazed.
"Blaze!" Vector said urgently. "Story! Now!"
"R-right!" The cat said quickly. "So, anyway, after Damil recovered, we dug him up and headed to the Feywood, where we had all sorts of fantastical adventures involving fairies and elves and other magical creatures!"
That seemed to snap Cream out of her shock. "Ooh, fairies – wait a minute, I realize what you're trying to do! You're trying to distract me in hopes that I forget about whatever horrible thing you're implying about my mother! Well, that's not going to work this-"
"Did I mention I got to ride a unicorn?" Blaze asked desperately.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Cream, Amy, and, surprisingly, Espio cried shrilly.
There was a pause, and everyone stared at the chameleon. "Wh-what? I like unicorns, okay?!" He snapped.
"In his defense, it's a very good show," Tails said.
"Thank you," Espio said in relief.
"Though that does not excuse the unmanly squeal," Tails continued. Espio groaned.
"Tell me about the unicorn!" Cream demanded eagerly.
"Yeah, tell us about the unicorn!" Amy added.
Blaze breathed a private sigh of relief as everyone else relaxed, the crisis averted, at least for the time being. "Well, I didn't see the unicorn right away, mind you. What happened was…"
…
Another chapter done! And way, way, WAY sooner than I, or you, expected, I wager.
Unfortunately, I can't guarantee the next one will be done as quickly, considering that it's going to be another rather long one, though hopefully not as long as the last one, though as always, I make no promises.
Anyway, it's time to vote again for whose origin will be told after the conclusion of Blaze's. Who will it be? You can pick from Big, Fang, the Babylon Rogues, or Sticks. We are entering the home stretch!
Until next time, Happy New Year!