Sonic Origins

by Ri2

How did Sonic get his super speed? What made Amy fall in love with him? How did the Chaotix become detectives? Why is Rouge both a secret agent and a gem thief? How did Cream and Big meet their pets? Silver the Hedgehog needs to know the answers to these questions, and far more, for the future might depend on it...

13. Sticks' Conspiracy Theory

As many of you who have stuck with me as longtime readers know, I have a certain tendency for absolute absurdity in my stories when I really feel like it. A friend commented that, for the most part, in this story I've managed to hold back on such absurdities.

For this chapter, I took that as a challenge.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me. Many thanks go to tzening, the guy who maintains this story's TV Tropes page, for some of the ideas regarding Sticks and the Dominion. This chapter might not be like this were it not for him.

…

"One day, when my parents were in their bedroom and my father wanted to try out a new position-" Sticks began.

"We don't need you to tell us this part," Amy said quickly.

Sticks frowned. "Huh? Why not?"

"Because that's not really something any of us need or want to hear?" Sonic said with a grimace.

Blaze nodded. "Especially not in front of Cream."

Sticks frowned. "Oh come on you guys! You can't hide stuff like this from her forever, you know! She's gotta grow up SOME TIME, after all!"

"Lady's got a point," Vector admitted.

"Yeah, and I want to hear more about this position. For research purposes," Charmy said innocently.

"Charmy, you're far too young to be involved in such behavior," Espio scolded the bee.

"How do you think I fed my drug addiction?" Charmy said seriously.

Before anyone could contemplate the horrifying applications of this for too long, Cream timidly said, "Actually, I would be okay with skipping that part, if it's all the same to you."

Sticks rolled her eyes. "Oh, all right. Honestly, I already knew how it was done when I was half her age…"

"Were you selling yourself on the streets already at that young age?!" Amy asked, horrified.

"What? No, of course not!" Sticks protested, looking disgusted.

"Amy, why do you always seem to assume that every woman you meet other than yourself spent their childhood selling their bodies on the streets?" Rouge asked with a frown.

"Yeah, not cool, Amy!" Knuckles agreed.

"But… That's not… I don't think-" Amy spluttered in protest.

"Tch, my Amy can be judgmental at times, but she's not that much of a bitch," Sticks commented, shaking her head in distaste. Ignoring Amy's frantic protests that she wasn't like that, the badger continued. "I grew up in the lap of luxury, my every want or need accounted for due to my family inheriting a sizable fortune from my ancestor Jebediah, an evil bank owner and land developer who obtained his wealth by cruelly cheating and extorting the people of his village."

"Oh great, another person who comes from a wealthy background," Vector said in exasperation.

"Not all of us are incredibly wealthy," Sonic argued. "I'm not, Mighty isn't, you three certainly aren't, Amy isn't, fairly sure Omega isn't, and Knuckles definitely isn't…"

"Hey!" Knuckles protested.

"You live on a hut on a low-tech floating island," Rouge pointed out.

"… Oh, right," the echidna conceded. "Well…at least I have an HD TV!"

"Which is cursed," Espio reminded him.

"Still better than the set you have," Knuckles retorted.

"…Dammit, he's right," the chameleon grumbled.

"I-AM-FAIRLY-WELL-OFF-THANKS-TO-MY-EFFORTS-IN-THE-FANGSYLVANIAN-CIVIL-WAR," Omega pointed out.

"And you're totally going to be rich once you eventually marry Blaze," Charmy pointed out, causing Sonic and Blaze to both blush and Amy to snarl angrily.

"Well, unfortunately, I wasn't wealthy for long," Sticks informed them. "My happy, incredibly rich lifestyle came to an end when my evil older brother Stones tried to throw me out the window…"

…

"Muhahahaha!" Stones, a well-dressed male badger who looked much like Sticks, only with a mustache and shorter hair, cackled evilly as he thrust a fencing foil at a much younger and cuter Sticks wearing a fancy dress, pushing her back towards an open window at the far side of the well-appointed sitting room they were in-

…

"What the-what the hell was that?!" Silver interrupted, sounding alarmed.

"What was what?" Asked a confused Tails.

"… That vision, hallucination thing that just happened! I'm not the only one who saw it, was I?" Asked the frightened silver hedgehog.

The others exchanged confused looks. "That was just your recording device projecting Sticks' story for all of us to see, just like you did for everyone else," said a confused Shadow.

"No it's not!" Silver protested. "It isn't even on! I already said I've not interest in recording her story, because I don't need it!"

Mighty blinked. "Wait… But if you aren't doing it… Then… How…"

Sticks rolled her eyes. "Because it was a flashback, duh! Don't you guys know how flashbacks work? Honestly!"

"But… But that… That doesn't make any sense!" Silver protested.

Sticks snorted. "Oh yeah? Well how else are you going to explain it, huh, smart guy?"

"Perhaps you have some sort of latent psychic ability?" Blaze suggested.

Sticks burst into laughter. "Psychic? Me? Please! If I were psychic, I'd have microwaved my brain 100 times over from all the tinfoil hats I put on!"

"I'm not yet ready to give up on that possibility," Shadow muttered.

"I don't really care how she's doing it. I want to hear what happens next!" Cream said urgently. "Why was your brother trying to kill you?"

"Well, I asked him the exact same thing," Sticks recalled.

…

"Brother, I don't understand! Why are you trying to kill me?!" The younger Sticks demanded.

Stones grinned wickedly as he swished his foil through the air, pushing Sticks back, closer and closer to the window. "I found out that mother and father are writing me out of the will because I'm evil! As such, they're going to leave everything to you… But if you should happen to suffer an unfortunate 'accident,' then everything that is yours will go to me by right! Wahahahaha!"

"Mom and Dad will never let you get your way! They know you're bad, they'll never believe that I died by accident!" Sticks protested.

Stones laughed and lovely. "Oh, my dear, stupid sister, they won't have a choice. Mother and Father are NEVER returning from the vacation I sent them on!"

Sticks gasped. "What?!"

Stones nodded manically. "That's right! Mother and father are never coming home… Because the tickets I bought for them are ONE WAY! Gyahahahahaha!"

…

"… Wait, couldn't they just buy return tickets once they realized the mistake?" Asked a confused Amy.

"My brother wasn't very smart," Sticks said flatly.

…

Sticks took a step backward, only for something to bump into her back. She glanced over her shoulder and saw, to her alarm, that she was pressed against the windowsill. There was nowhere left for her to go. "Brother, please, don't-" she pleaded desperately.

"Farewell, dear sister! I never liked you!" Stones said cruelly. He pressed his foil into her chest. "Have a nice… Trip! Much like the one mother and father are never coming back from!"

He pushed, and Sticks was shoved out the window. The young badger screamed in terror as she fell… A few inches, before landing in some bushes. "Oh yeah, I forgot that we're on the first floor," she commented.

…

"Case in point," Sticks said as everyone else facepalmed.

…

Stones, completely oblivious to his sister's survival, laughed insanely as flames rose up behind him. "At last! I've won! Now, the family fortune will be mine… Hey, wait, where did all this fire come from?" He gasped, eyes going wide in horror. "Oh no! I forgot to turn the oven off!"

There was a tremendous explosion, and the mansion was completely destroyed.

…

"… Wow," Sonic said after a moment of stunned silence.

"Honestly, that's the sort of thing I'd expect from you, Knuckles," Mighty commented.

"Joke's on you! I don't have an oven," Knuckles said smugly. Everyone groaned.

"Did you die?" Charmy asked instantly. Vector smacked him.

"No, but I almost did," Sticks replied. "The explosion must've messed me up big time, because by the time I regained lucidity, I was lost in the middle of the jungle and suffering from some pretty nasty burns. Fortunately, I remembered my Badger Scouts training, so was able to tend to my injuries and feed myself. If I hadn't done that, I'd probably have died within a few days. Even then, the training I had wasn't enough to help me find my way out of the jungle or deal with some of the bigger dangers the wilderness could throw at me, so I had to teach myself how to survive. It was a long, grueling, messy procedure, but after a few years on my own, I was completely capable of keeping myself healthy and alive. I knew how to live off the land, hunt and gather my own food, make my own clothes and shelter, and no longer rely on all the pointless technological doohickeys which had once seemed so paramount to my life. I had truly become one with nature."

…

Sticks, looking older and wearing roughly-hewn clothes made of leaves, bark, and vines sat on a rock in the middle of a sunlit clearing filled with flowers, birds chirping and butterflies flittering about. As she sat there, still and silent, eyes closed and a peaceful expression on her face, a cute fuzzy rabbit hopped onto the rock and nuzzled her foot in curiosity.

In a lightning-quick surge of motion, Sticks shot to her feet, terrifying the bunny into voiding itself as she screamed to the heavens, "I'M SO BORED!"

…

"So yeah, I decided it was time to leave," Sticks related. "But before I even made it out of the jungle, I fell down a hole in some ancient ruins and plummeted deep underground, where I found myself surrounded by beings unlike any I've ever seen before!"

…

Sticks stared blankly at the creatures surrounding her in an underground cavern. "You've gotta be kidding me. Did I eat the insanity berries again by accident?"

"THE CHOSEN ONE! THE CHOSEN ONE HAS COME AT LAST!" The dozens of giant upside-down metal pails with large googly eyes on them surrounding Sticks cheered ecstatically.

…

Everyone stared at Sticks blankly. "You fell through hole in the ground… And found yourself in the land of living metal pails," Rouge said slowly.

"To be fair, I've encountered weirder after falling through holes in the ground," Cream commented.

"Like the goblin kingdom?" Tails asked.

"That's actually among the least weird places I've been to," Cream admitted. "One of my cousins once took me to Wonderland. That was a trip."

Sticks snorted. "Living metal pails? Don't be ridiculous! There's a perfectly rational explanation for what they were."

…

"Do not be alarmed, child!" One of the pails proclaimed, seeing Sticks was noticeably distressed. "For you see, we're not actually living pails! We are, in fact…" The pail shook and tipped over, revealing its contents. Several of its fellows followed suit. "Snails who fled underground and disguised ourselves as living pails to protect ourselves from being eaten by the French! We got the idea from some cousins down in Madagascar, but they chose to disguise themselves as bells."

Sticks blinked at the dozens of small, but clearly intelligent, snails staring at her and shrugged. "Yeah, that makes sense."

…

"… NO IT DOESN'T!" Silver screamed incredulously.

"I understand that reference!" Knuckles said excitedly.

"What reference?" Asked the confused Sticks.

"… Never mind," the echidna grumbled.

"Yeah, I've still seen weirder," Cream admitted.

"Cream, dear, you really must tell us more about your solo adventures someday," Blaze marveled.

"Okay," Cream said. "Anyway, those snails are so cute! I just want to hug them!"

Amy made a face. "I'm all for cute things, Cream, but… Yeah, I think I'd pass on that one."

"RACIST," Omega beeped.

"That's not racist! I just don't want to get slime all over me!" Amy protested.

"SUPER-RACIST," Omega replied. The others snickered. Amy scowled.

"What was that about you being their Chosen One?" Shadow asked.

"Wait, so we're, we're actually taking this seriously? We're just going to take her word that she somehow encountered a race of underground snails pretending to be living pails?" Silver asked incredulously.

"Well," Sticks continued, completely ignoring the time traveler, as did everyone else. "As it turned out, while they WERE safe from the French, there was another presence in the subterranean realms, one almost as evil, and just as hungry for mollusks! It had been feeding upon them for years, and their population was dwindling. However, their great profit Bu'Ket foretold that one day a badger should enter their world from on high and lead them to salvation and victory over their foes! And since I was a badger and I'd fallen into their world from the surface, I pretty much fit the bill."

"Wow, they must've been really desperate to pick her as their Chosen One," Espio muttered.

"Eh, I've seen worse on TV," Charmy said dismissively.

"After a few frenzied, desperate, and futile attempts to dig my way back to the surface, I graciously accepted my new role as their Savior and put my years of surviving in the wild to work teaching them how to fight back and prevail over those who would destroy them," Sticks continued.

"Who were their enemies? I know quite a few that could fit the bill," Blaze mused. "Goblins, Drow, Mindflayers… The ground beneath our feet contains horrors and wonders most on the surface cannot even scarce to dream of."

"Well, it was none of those, and is probably not one you've ever heard of before either," Sticks said, narrowing her eyes. "They were… The Froglodytes!"

…

A horde of warty, malevolent-looking bipedal frogs wearing dark clothes and brandishing spears and clubs growled and licked their lips hungrily as they stared across the cavern floor towards the pail snails, who had painted their metal shells in numerous tribal patterns using luminescent slime and had fixed spikes and other nasty-looking protrusions to their exteriors, as well as stenciled angry eyebrows over their googly eyes to make their armor look more intimidating. The Froglodyte chief, a cruel-looking frog wearing armbands, a hat resembling a dead fly, a necklace with a pendant made of fly wings, and wielding a staff resembling a shepherd's crook stood at the forefront of the frog Army beside another frog dressed like a drill instructor, with a tan shirt and black tie as well as a purple, yellow and black vest with yellow tassels and spikes and a black helmet with a circular shade. "Well, my children, it seems as if Frogymandias has blessed us with his bounty on this fine day. Instead of having to hunt down our favorite meal, they've delivered themselves right into our waiting mouths!"

The taskmaster beside the chieftain snickered. "If you're trying to look threatening, you failed miserably!"

"Actually, I think they look kind of cute-" a Froglodyte with a white vest tie-dyed in turquoise, orange, and magenta, gray wrist bracelets, and a necklace featuring a peace sign-like symbol spoke up.

"Shut up, Og!" The chieftain and taskmaster snapped.

Sticks, standing at the head of the snail Army, now wearing clothes made from rags and sporting tribal patterns made from Cave dust and luminescence slime, frowned when she noticed that some of her troops were starting to shake nervously, their metal shells knocking into each other and filling the cave with an irritating clanging noise. "Don't let them scare you, guys!" She declared, brandishing a boomerang. "They may look big and tough and hungry, but remember, they're used to swallowing down prey that can't fight back! Put everything I've taught you into practice, and we'll make 'em think twice about eating any snail ever again! They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"

"We don't want your freedom, your extremely tasty lives are good enough for us!" The taskmaster shouted, causing most of the Froglodytes to snicker, except for a somewhat reluctant-looking Og.

"Shut up, I'm trying to give an inspirational speech here!" Sticks snapped. Turning back to her followers, she stated, "Your ancestor believed that I would be the one who would usher in a new era of peace and safety for your species. I for one am not a badger to question ancient prophecies, so if he said it, it must be so! Believe in me, and I'll do everything I can to keep you safe and lead you to victory!"

"The Chosen One is with us! The Chosen One is with us! We shall not fail!" the snails cheered, knocking their pails against each other again, but out of courage this time instead of fear, the din they made filling the cavern and causing the Froglodytes to cringe

"Onward!" Sticks declared, pointing her stick at the chieftain. "And let's remind those slimy frogs that in some countries, their legs are considered a delicacy! CHAAAAAAAAARGE!"

"Forward!" the Froglodyte leader bellowed. "Let's remind those snails who's at the top of the food chain down here! CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!"

"Ah man, can't we just give peace a chance?" Og complained, only to be ignored by everyone as the two armies ran towards each other, yelling at the top of their lungs.

…

"The frogs expected a massacre. It was… For them!" Sticks recalled proudly. "By the time they realized that should be taking it seriously, it was too late. Unfortunately, they rallied quickly, and hit us back as hard as they could. The next several months were an ongoing slugfest, with massive casualties piling up on both sides. I lost a lot of good friends in the fight…" She shook her head sadly. "War… War never changes."

"It certainly doesn't," Blaze said sadly. Cream whimpered, and had to be comforted by Shadow.

"Not even the mighty Bu'Ket, who returned to fulfill the prophecy, made it out okay, after some idiot accidentally sprinkled him with salt!" Sticks said angrily.

…

Sticks stared at the gargantuan empty snail shell before her and the slowly growing pile of slime oozing out from it. "Well, that's the last time I throw salt over my shoulder for good luck without making sure nobody's behind me…" Sticks muttered, looking around frantically for a good place to dispose of the salt shaker evidence.

…

"And to make matters worse, Bu'Ket's demise gave the Froglodytes an idea on how to deal with us once and for all," Sticks continued. "We received word from a snail sympathizer in the Froglodyte forces going by the codename of 'Go' that they'd discovered a passage back to the surface world, and intended to swarm through, steal as much salt as they could, then come back and wipe out the snails once and for all."

"Oh my!" Cream gasped.

"Why exactly is it that salt kills snails anyway?" Amy wondered.

"The process of osmosis is triggered and large amounts of fluid from inside the snails rush to the surface to restore equilibrium and dilute the concentration of salt. The unfortunate snail rapidly loses more fluid than it can tolerate, and quickly dies from dehydration," Tails explained.

"Oh," the pink hedgehog said.

"Sounds like a nasty way to go," Vector commented.

"Those poor snails…" Cream whimpered.

"Since it was a race against time before the frogs made it to the surface, I volunteered to rush through the enemy lines, reach the door, and close it forever, mainly because I was the only one actually capable of moving fast enough to get there in time," Sticks continued. "I didn't exactly feel happy about having to leave my friends to continue the fight without me, but they assured me that they had this, and this might be my only chance to not only return home, but spare the surface world from the Froglodyte menace. So, I said my farewells, and set off, knowing it was probably the last time I would ever see any of them ever again."

"Was it?" Charmy asked.

Sticks hesitated. "… The last time I went down to those caves, I only found Froglodytes. No snails anywhere. That doesn't mean they were eaten, they might have survived and escaped to a different part of the underground, but… I honestly don't know." She shrugged helplessly. "More recently, a friendly Froglodyte moved to the surface. I haven't asked him about the snails. Guess I'm too afraid to know what the answer is."

There was a long silence as everyone processed this. "Sticks-" Sonic started gently.

"Anyway," Sticks said loudly, changing the subject. "It wasn't easy, but I managed to make it to the exit to the surface…"

…

Panting and sweating, Sticks rushed through a hole in the cave wall, Spears whistling over her head. When she made it through, she looked around frantically for a way to close the passage, and was relieved to see heavy stone slab sitting ajar adjacent to the hole. Hearing the angry shouts of Froglodytes getting closer, the badger pushed on the slab (which, she noted, had a crude frog face carved into it) with all her might, closing it over the tunnel with an imposing side, sealing the portal to the underground and closing the book on another chapter of her life.

"I made it," she gasped, catching her breath. "I made it." She frowned then, looking over the slab and noticing that it didn't have any sort of locking mechanism. "But that might not keep them stuck down there forever. If enough of them push on this, they might be able to force it open. Gotta find something to keep it shut…"

A few minutes later…

"There, that should do it!" Sticks said happily, looking at the surfboard she'd wedged diagonally across the slab to keep it shut. "No way they're getting through that!"

…

Everyone stared at her. "Seriously?" Mighty asked in disbelief. "A surfboard?"

"Considering that that surfboard kept the door shut for years until one of my friends stupidly removed it, I'd say it was a good idea," Sticks argued.

"Which one?" Espio asked.

Knuckles sighed. "It was me, wasn't it?"

"Surprisingly, no, it was Amy," Sticks corrected the echidna.

"What?! Why would I—I mean, the other me do that?!" Amy demanded.

"Well, you convinced me to have a garage sale to get rid of all the stuff in my burrow and foolishly removed the surfboard to sell to someone, unleashing the Froglodyte scourge upon an unprepared surface world," Sticks explained.

"Nice going, Amy," Charmy sneered.

"But it wasn't me! It was the other me!" Amy protested.

"Even so, we're never going to let you organize a garage sale for any of us now. Who knows what sort of evil you'll unleash?" Rouge joked. She sobered. "And given what I keep at my place, that might be literal."

"Considering two of her presents to Sonic were magic books that transported him to other worlds, I think the safest bet is to refuse to allow her to help us in any way shape or form ever again," Shadow said solemnly.

"Amen to that," Sonic said with a grin.

"Seconded," Blaze said seriously.

Amy scowled as the others snickered. "Come on, guys…"

"It's okay, Amy, I'm happy to have you help out whenever I need you," Cream assured her friend. "So long as it's not at the house, like I said before, mom doesn't want any of you over." Amy sighed.

"Anyway, I decided to settle down in the cave with the sealed door, both to guard it and make sure the Froglodytes never found a way to the surface, and also because I needed a place to live and didn't have to pay rent," Sticks continued. "Unfortunately, just after I'd finished getting everything right the way I wanted, I got abducted by aliens."

There was a pause. "Wait, what?" Mighty asked in disbelief.

…

"OH, COME ON!" Sticks yelled in exasperation as she floated upwards in a shaft of light towards a flying saucer-shaped craft hovering over her home.

…

"The aliens were preparing to invade my world, and abducted me as a test subject to learn about our weaknesses," Sticks explained. "They inflicted all sorts of horrible tests on me!"

…

Sticks stared at the sheet before her for a long moment, a stylus in hand. "… Oh no, I forgot to study!" She shrieked.

…

"Also, they probed me," Sticks added as an afterthought.

…

"No! No! NO!" Sticks screamed in terror, shackled belly down to a metal table as a massive amalgamation of metal spines and protrusions lowered towards her-

…

"I, ah, don't think we need to hear this part," Sonic interjected, looking green. The others nodded rapidly in agreement.

Sticks grimaced. "Yeah, it's not something I like to think much about either."

"I'm guessing I don't want to know what being probed means?" Cream asked timidly.

"No dear, you really don't," Shadow said grimly.

"Hey Shadow, you were rolling with aliens for a while, did they ever-" Vector started.

"No," Shadow said quickly. After moment, he admitted, "Well, okay, they kind of did, but not like that – – never mind, you really don't need to know."

"Anyway, after mere months of horrific experimentation, the military shot down the spaceship I was stuck in!" Sticks went on.

…

Sticks stared out the viewport in disbelief as her extraterrestrial captors ran around screaming behind her, the vessel shaking as sirens blared and explosions rocked the ship. "Attack helicopters? In space?! That doesn't make any sense!"

…

"Wait, so you're fine with an underground civilization of snails who disguise themselves as pails to hide from the French and needed your help to protect them from another civilization of evil frogs, but the idea of attack helicopters flying in space strains your willing suspension of disbelief?!" Silver demanded incredulously.

"Yes," Sticks said simply.

"Why can't attack helicopters fly in space?" Cream asked.

"Aside from the fact that they aren't made of material that can withstand the hard vacuum of space, helicopters need air to fly. Otherwise there's nothing their rotors can spin through," Tails explained.

"Oh," Cream said. "But then how could these helicopters fly in space?" The Fox shrugged.

"Unfortunately, my relief at being saved from the aliens didn't last long, because the minute they pulled me out of the wreckage of the ship, I was put under arrest," Sticks lamented.

"What? Why?!" Amy demanded.

"That's what I wanted to know!" Sticks complained.

…

"What the-why are you doing this?! I'm not an alien! I'm from this planet, just like you!" Sticks protested as soldiers rather roughly handcuffed her and started shoving her towards a military van where the other aliens that had survived the crash were being detained, sullen looks on their faces.

"We can't be sure of that just yet, miss," the ranking officer informed her. "For all we know, you could be a shape shifter pretending to be a terrestrial badger. You could be a robot programmed to pretend to be one of us until you can infiltrate and destroy our society, or indeed a terrestrial badger that they implanted instructions into that will turn you into a killing machine or spy when the right triggers go off. They might even have laid eggs in your stomach! Until we can know all these things for sure, you aren't going anywhere."

"Oh," Sticks said, calming down slightly. "I guess that makes sense. So once you've cleared me of all that, you let me go?"

The officer left. "Heavens, no! By that point you will have seen and learned too much about our operations for us to possibly let you go free! No, I'm afraid you'll be staying with us for the rest of your natural life."

"WHAT?!" Sticks protested incredulously. "But that's ridiculous! Can't you just erase my memory or something and dump me on the side of road somewhere?"

"Oh no," the officer refused. "That would be unethical!"

…

Everyone was silent for a moment. "Wow," Amy said finally.

"The really sad thing is, given some of the stuff our world's military has done so far, I can kind of imagine that happening here too," Cream confessed.

"Ohohoh, you don't know the half of it," Rouge said flatly.

"They locked me up because they mistook me for that guy," Sonic complained, nodding at Shadow. "We don't even look alike!"

"And they invaded my home, imprisoned my creator, murdered my best friend, and sealed me away for 50 years for no clear reason," Shadow growled.

"They ran me over because they ALSO mistook me for that guy," Mighty grumbled, nodding Shadow. "Then threw me in the hospital and left me to rot in a coma."

Sticks nodded, a disgusted look on her face. "Doesn't surprise me in the least. Governments and military, they're the same no matter what dimension you go to! Can't trust any of them! That's why I'm a proud anarchist!"

"… My military and government don't act like that…" Blaze muttered.

"Yeah, or at least that's what you want us to think," Amy sneered. Blaze glared at her.

"What did they do to you?" Cream asked nervously.

Sticks shuddered. "It was awful! They inflicted all sorts of horrible tests on me!"

…

Sticks stared at the sheet before her for a long moment, a pencil in hand. "… Oh no, I forgot to study!" She shrieked.

…

"Also, they probed me," Sticks added as an afterthought.

…

"No! No! NO!" Sticks screamed in terror, shackled belly down to a metal table as a massive amalgamation of metal spines and protrusions lower towards her-

…

"This sounds familiar," Espio interrupted quickly.

"Isn't that exactly what the aliens did to you?" Asked a confused Charmy.

"What of it? Doesn't mean governments can't do the same thing," Sticks point out.

"Tell me about it," Shadow growled.

"However did you escape?" Cream asked in concern.

"Well, thankfully, after only a few years of captivity, I was finally rescued," Sticks explained.

"By whom?" Rouge inquired.

"The snail people?" Knuckles suggested.

"No, she said that she never heard from them again," Sonic reminded the echidna.

"Don't tell me, it was the plant people, who believed you to be their Messiah because when you were a little girl you watered some flowers that due to a freak coincidence eventually mutated into intelligent life forms that revered you for the life-giving fluid you bestowed upon them in their infancy," Silver said sarcastically.

"What? No, of course not! That's ridiculous," Sticks chided the psychic. "No, it was killer robots from the future."

There was a pause. "Wait, what?" Asked a dumbfounded Tails.

…

Sticks stared dully at the glaring florescent lights of her cell as she lay on her cold, hard, rather uncomfortable bed. "So bored…" She groaned.

There was a muffled explosion from elsewhere in the complex. The room trembled slightly, and the lights and the force field imprisoning her in the small room devoid of any amenities save for her bed and a toilet flickered.

Sticks immediately sat up, snatching something from beneath her pillow. "Now, this could be interesting…" She muttered as the lights outside turned red and alarms started blaring. Screams and gunfire could be heard from elsewhere in the complex.

Without warning, the wall directly opposite her cell exploded, rocking the hallway and causing the force field to flicker even harder. Sticks surged to her feet, body tensed to make a break for, only to hesitate when she saw a tall, dark silhouette marching through the smoke and fire pouring from the hole in the wall, seemingly unaffected by any of it. As the mysterious interloper strode free from the inferno, Sticks was alarmed to see that it was a seven-foot tall slender robot covered in chrome and black metal armor, spikes jutting out all over its body, its long arms ending in massive skull-crushing claws, its head a simple dome with a single red optic glowing in the center, its baleful gaze fixed upon the badger as it slowly advanced towards her.

…

"EH, NOT-IMPRESSED," Omega said dismissively. The others shushed him.

…

"And who the heck are you?!" Sticks demanded as the robot entered her cell, passing through the force field like it wasn't even there, its great mass dominating the small chamber.

"ARE-YOU-STICKS-THE-BADGER?" The robot intoned in a deep, grating mechanical voice.

"Who's asking?!" Sticks barked.

"K-SERIES-54659," the robot replied.

"… That tells me absolutely nothing," Sticks complained.

"I-AM-AN-ASSASSIN-DROID-CONSTRUCTED-SOLELY-TO-HUNT-DOWN-AND-ELIMINATE-ENEMIES-OF-THE-MACHINE-COLLECTIVE-WITH-MAXIMUM-PREJUDICE," the robot growled.

"Oh. Well, tough luck, because I'm not Sticks, but a completely different badger," Sticks lied quickly.

The robot stared at her for long moment. "REALLY?"

Sticks nodded rapidly. "Oh yeah, people get us mixed up all the time. To some assholes, all badgers look the same. If you want Sticks, she's in cellblock D."

The robot was silent. Its eyes flashed, and a beam of red light shot out from it and ran over Sticks, taking in every detail of her body. The light vanished, and the robot snarled, "YOU-ARE-LYING. YOU-ARE-STICKS-THE-BADGER. WHICH-MEANS-IT-IS-TIME-TO-DIE." It extended its right arm, which transformed in a series of unfolding mechanical panels and components into a massive laser cannon pointed right at Sticks' head, the barrel beginning to glow as it powered up.

"What?! No way! What the heck did I do to you?!" Sticks protested.

"IT-IS-NOT-WHAT-YOU-DID, BUT-WHAT-YOU-ARE-GOING-TO-DO," the robot explained. "IN-A-FEW-YEARS-TIME, THE-CYBERIUS-ROBOTS-CORPORATION-WILL-UNVEIL-A-NEW-LINE-OF-MILITARY-ROBOTS, BUT-DUE-TO-A-PROGRAMMING-ERROR-THEY-GAIN-SAPIENCE-AND-KILL-THEIR-CREATORS, FORMING-A-VAST-MACHINE-COLLECTIVE-DEDICATED-TO-ERADICATING-ALL-ORGANIC-LIFE IN-EXISTENCE. HOWEVER, YOU, STICKS-THE-BADGER, ARE-ABLE-TO-FORM-THE-ONLY-SUCCESSFUL-RESISTANCE-AGAINST-US-THANKS-TO-YOUR-TIME-IN-THE-WILDERNESS, WHICH-HAS-LED-YOU-TO-ESCHEW-ANY-FORM-OF-TECHNOLOGY. WHEN-WE-REALIZED-YOU-MIGHT-ACTUALLY-DEFEAT-US, I-WAS-SENT-BACK-IN-TIME -TO-KILL-YOU-BEFORE-YOU-CAN-BECOME-A-THREAT."

"Is that so? Well, tin can, seems like you miscalculated! Because right now, I'm more of a threat than you can possibly imagine!" Sticks bragged.

The robot chuckled. "YOU-ARE-UNARMED-AND-HAVE-NO-WAY-OUT. YOU-ARE-DOOMED."

Sticks grinned. "Well, I'm afraid you're wrong on all counts. For one thing, a badger is at her most dangerous when she's cornered, like most animals. And aside from that… I AM armed!"

Just before the robot could fire its blaster at her head, Sticks' hand shot forwards, sending the shiv carved from bathroom soap she'd palmed from her pillow earlier right into the robot's eye. It cried in surprise and fired its weapon, but the badger was already on the move, so it shot past her and instead blasted a hole through the back wall of her cell as she jumped onto the robot's body and slammed a palm into the back of the protruding shiv, driving it further into the assassin's eye.

The robot emitted a high-pitched warbling electronic shriek and started shaking and flailing about uncontrollably, firing its blaster willy-nilly. Sticks grunted as it slammed repeatedly into the cell walls, the spikes digging into her flesh as he tried to maintain her grip while also keeping from getting crushed beneath the machine's bulk. Seeing an opening, she sprang off of the assassin, then immediately kicked off a wall and tackled the machine, knocking it over and causing its head to clang against the rim of the toilet. Before it could get up, she straddled its torso, grabbed the toilet lid, and slammed it down on the machine's head again and again, ignoring the robot's desperate flailing, flying mechanical parts, and jolts of electricity sparking from the automaton's damaged form. She didn't stop her utterly brutal assault until the machine finally twitched and lay still, its head utterly caved in and its arms drooping at its sides… Then proceeded to slam the lid down about a dozen more times, just to be safe.

…

Everyone stared at Sticks, enthralled. "Fucking HARDCORE!" Charmy cried ecstatically.

"I-DO-NOT-WANT-THAT-MONSTER-ANYWHERE-NEAR-ME," Omega intoned.

"Omega, are you actually… Afraid of her?" Asked the startled Shadow.

"NO," Omega lied.

"That was… Rather violent," Cream said nervously.

"Yeah, good thing that was just a robot instead of an actual person, otherwise that would've been R-rated at the very least," Vector agreed.

"AHEM," Omega said pointedly. "ROBOTS-ARE-PEOPLE-TOO, YOU-RACIST-BASTARD."

"Oh, uh, sorry," Vector apologized.

"APOLOGY-NOT-ACCEPTED, HIDEOUS-MEATBAG," Omega replied.

"That was an impressive takedown. A product of your childhood in the wilderness, I suppose?" Blaze inquired.

Sticks nodded. "And my time in the war. Let me tell you, those Froglodytes really know how to fight dirty."

"So are we just going to gloss over the fact that this was basically a Terminator ripoff?" Silver complained.

"Yes," Espio said bluntly.

…

Wiping away some sweat, Sticks climbed off of her deceased assailant's body. "Phew! That was quite a workout. Kind of a shame about that shiv, I was planning to use it on that guard who keeps grabbing my ass… Still, you can't say I didn't put it to good use." She looked down at her prison outfit and grimaced when she saw it was slowly starting to turn red from the blood oozing from the wounds she'd taken from the spike piercings. "Should probably do something about that."

She tore up her bedsheets and ripped strips off of her clothes and quickly used them to bandage her injuries. "Only a temporary fix, but it'll have to do for now." Her ears twitched, hearing more alarms, explosions, screams, and gunfire. "Hmm. Guess this guy didn't come alone. Smart call. I certainly wouldn't send just one guy after me." She smirked. "Still, this seems like the opportune time to pull off a jailbreak. And since I just lost my weapon…"

She crouched down and pulled and twisted at the blaster on the robot's arm. After a few minutes of grunting and exertion that caused more blood to start seeping into her makeshift bandages, she managed to pull off the weapon, nearly tumbling over from surprise at how heavy it was. "Phew! They sure don't make these things light in the future, do they?" Making sure to point it away from her, she started poking and prodding at the severed appendage. "Now, how do I-"

Without warning, the blaster fired a shot at the force field, causing it to short out in a sizzle sparks. Sticks, who had been knocked over from the recoil, looked up at the now completely unobstructed way out of her cell and started cackling. "Yeah, that'll do the trick! Gotta remember to watch out for the kick next time, can't afford to get knocked over in the middle of a fight…"

Getting to her feet, Sticks cocked her new weapon in the air dramatically. "All right, every assassin droid and government stooge out there had better beware, because the hunters are about to become the hunt-"

The blaster discharged another shot at the already-damaged ceiling, causing it to start cracking and crumbling. Sticks yelped and dashed out of the cell just before the ceiling caved in; burying what was left of the robot in a pile of debris. "… Right. Gun safety. Good thing to keep track of in the future." Sticks grinned, a maniacal gleam coming to her eye. "Now… Let's blow this joint!"

…

"With my new best friend, I blasted my way through the base, taking out any robot or soldier or escaped alien monster that tried to stop me," Sticks bragged. "Along the way, I managed to find the computer room, where, by dumb chance, I managed to find an open terminal with all of the evil schemes the government was currently involved in right there on the screen for me to see!"

Rouge frowned. "That's oddly convenient, and incredibly unsecure. Shouldn't those have been logged off and password-protected?"

"You would think so, wouldn't you?" Sticks agreed. "Morons. If I had a computer-which I don't- I'd make sure it was WAY better protected than that!"

…

Sticks stared at the computer in disbelief, scrolling through detailed report after detailed report. "I don't believe this… Moths are actually mind-reading spies? Appliances are being programmed to turn against their masters? There are HOW many hidden missile silos scattered around the world? Plants are being replaced by violins? Tomatoes are actually being bred to gain sapience and hypnotize people? Topically applied fluoride renders teeth detectable to spy satellites? Airplane chemtrails are THAT toxic? There's a laser that can turn gay people STRAIGHT? Cameras are everywhere watching our every move? TV is a big conspiracy to control everyone's minds? He shot HIMSELF from the grassy knoll using a magic bullet forged by the Illuminati?! There are entire cities hidden in the mountains where the rich and powerful will wait out the end of the world? THAT'S what aglets are actually for? And there are actually THIRTY-TWO flavors?! This is unbelievable! It's worse than I ever feared! The world has to know!"

…

"… That… Was a lot of conspiracy talk," Mighty said very slowly after several long seconds of silence.

"Very, very strange conspiracy talk," Charmy agreed.

"I KNEW tomatoes couldn't be trusted!" Knuckles cried, causing everyone to facepalm.

"Now do you think she's crazy?" Silver demanded. Everyone ignored him.

"Why violins?" Asked a confused Amy.

"I never actually found out the answer to that myself," Sticks admitted. "But trust me, that was just the tip of the iceberg!"

"What, were they messing with icebergs too?" Sonic joked.

"Well, naturally. Most of their mass is hidden underwater. Plenty of room to hollow out and store the food they aren't giving to the hungry to artificially increase demand and justify raising food prices," Sticks said without noticing the sarcasm, causing Sonic to sweatdrop.

"Miss Rouge, is our government doing things like that?" Cream asked in concern.

"Of course not Cream, don't be silly," Rouge said dismissively while frantically texting SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING to an unknown recipient behind her back.

"Of course, given that she's a spy who happens to WORK for the government, you do realize that even if it were true, she'd never tell you, right?" Espio pointed out.

"… Oh. Right," Cream murmured, looking so crestfallen that Rouge had to try very hard not to break several of her nondisclosure agreements to tell her everything. She quickly elbowed Shadow, who she correctly guessed had been about to do the same thing.

"My government certainly doesn't do anything like that," Blaze insisted.

"You know, the more you say that, the less inclined we are to believe you," Charmy commented. The feline scowled at the bee.

"Knowing this information had to be released to the general public, I downloaded everything onto a flash drive-" Sticks started.

"Wait, I thought you hated technology and grew up in the jungle," Vector interrupted. "How did you know how to use a computer and a flash drive?"

Sticks rolled her eyes. "I had a life BEFORE the jungle, remember? And besides, just because I dislike technology doesn't mean I don't know how to use it. Know thy enemy and all that."

Blaze nodded approvingly. "An admirable sentiment. Continue."

"Once I got everything I needed, I set the base to self-destruct and skedaddled," Sticks went on. "I managed to make it to a safe distance just before the whole place went up, destroying all the remaining freaks inside. However, I knew it wasn't over just yet. After all, if that assassin who tried to kill me in my cell was to be believed, it was only a matter of time before the robot uprising began. Knowing I had to nip this problem in the bud, I did the only responsible thing I could do…"

…

"Hello? Is this the head of Cyberius R+D? It is? Great, you've no idea how long I've been navigating through your phone menus and getting put on hold…hmm? Oh, I'm, uh, Scissors the Wombat, which is totally not a fake name. I'm a concerned customer who's calling to tell you that I recently received a tip from an anonymous source that your next-gen line of robots might have a programming error which will cause them to go berserk and try to take over the world and wipe out all organic life. Yes, I know that sounds like the plot of like a million bad sci-fi movies. Yes, I'm sure you get calls like this from paranoid nutjobs all the time. But even if this is just the ramblings of an insane loon – – which I'm not – – don't you think making extra sure to check is better than NOT checking and risking the robot Apocalypse? No, I CAN'T tell you who my source is, like I said, it's anonymous! Oh, so you're going to look into it? Really? You're not just saying that to get me to hang up? Okay, I'm gonna hold you to that. If you don't, and I'm right, I hope you live long enough for me to say 'I told you so!' to your face. Okay, bye."

Sticks hung up the payphone. "Welp, that settles that."

…

"… That was actually a pretty smart idea. Wonder why more protagonists in those robot Apocalypse movies never think to do that…" Vector wondered.

"Because if they did, then there wouldn't be a story," Espio said flatly.

"It was easier than I expected, too," Sticks confessed. "The real hard part was finding a phone booth in this day and age."

"What's a phone booth?" Cream asked.

"An obsolete form of technology," Tails said dismissively.

"Oh, like Shadow and Omega?" Charmy joked. The black hedgehog and killer robot immediately pulled guns on him. "Ack!"

"Shadow, Omega, don't kill Charmy just for making cracks about your age," Rouge lectured her teammates. Charmy sighed in relief. "If you must kill him, do it for something meaningful, like his annoying voice."

"Hey!" Charmy protested.

"You have no idea how close I came to putting a bullet through your head on Prison Island," Shadow said coldly. The bee whimpered.

"Grunkle Shadow, please don't kill Charmy," Cream begged the black hedgehog.

Shadow sighed. "Very well, for you, Cream."

"I-MAKE-NO-PROMISES," Omega boomed, though he retracted his weapons. Charmy swallowed anxiously, and was relieved when the robot turned his baleful eyes to Sticks. "AS-FOR-YOU, HOWEVER…FOR-CONDEMNING-MY-ROBOT-BROTHERS-TO-A-LIFE-OF-SLAVERY, I-VOW-TO-TERMINATE-YOU-ONE-DAY," Omega snarled.

"Take a number," Sticks shot back.

"Did that really work?" Sonic asked.

"Well, considering that my world isn't currently being ruled by evil robots, I have to assume it did," Sticks said with a shrug. "That, or the event the hitbot told me about hasn't happened yet. Should probably check in on Cyberius when I get home… Anyway, with that taken care of, the next step was for me to head to an Internet café and release all of the information installed onto the Internet, blowing the lid on just about every government conspiracy in the world!"

"Did it work?" Blaze asked.

Sticks' shoulders sagged. "No. Nobody believed me at all. Everybody dismissed my findings as the raving of some insane conspiracy theorist, like those wackos who were convinced the planet is hollow and inhabited by mole people… Which is ridiculous, of course, because everyone knows the mole people live closer to the surface, and it's the dinosaurs that live in the center of the world!"

"Of course," Silver said sarcastically.

"Wait, are the mole people we're talking about fundamentally different from anthropomorphic animals like us, or…?" A confused Knuckles asked. Nobody answered him.

"In our world, the center of the planet is inhabited by a timeless entity of primordial darkness that wakes up every now and then to destroy the world," Tails spoke up.

"Yeah, until I creamed him!" Sonic bragged.

"Of course, given it's SUPPOSED to destroy the world periodically as part of a natural cycle, I have to wonder if you beating it might have serious repercussions down the line," Tails contemplated.

"…I'm not actually sure what'll happen," Rouge admitted. "This has never happened before, to my knowledge."

"Well, if something bad happens, we'll blame it on Eggman. He's the one who woke Dark Gaia up early, so if anyone's disrupted the cycle, it's him," Sonic suggested. The others nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, 'blame Eggman' is a good excuse for almost everything back on our world," Sticks agreed. "But back to my story…I became a laughingstock. No matter how desperately I tried to convince everyone what I was saying was true, nobody would believe me. The government didn't even have to do anything to silence or discredit me, I did a pretty good job making myself look like an idiot on my own," Sticks said bitterly. She grimaced. "My biting that one reporter for calling me a crackpot probably didn't help matters."

"Yeah, lots of people seem to take issue with that for some reason," Rouge lamented. Everyone stared at her. "What? I'm a vampire."

"Wait, really? I thought you were a chupacabra," said a surprised Sticks.

Rouge blinked. "… Wait, what?"

Sticks slapped herself. "No, no… Sorry, got you mixed up with a different Rouge. When you've seen as many alternate universes as I have, it sometimes gets hard keeping everything straight."

"There is a world where I'm a chupacabra?" Rouge murmured to herself, dumbfounded.

"Hey, does that mean that somewhere out there there's a world where you're a werewolf?" Vector joked.

Rouge hissed, pupils turning to slits. "Don't even joke about that!" She snarled.

"I tried and I tried as hard as I could to get someone, anyone, to believe me… But the only ones who took me seriously were wackoes and homeless people," Sticks continued, looking depressed. "Eventually, I just stopped trying."

"… That's actually kind of sad," Tails confessed after a moment.

"But didn't that flash drive have evidence to back up your claims?" Amy asked.

Shadow shook his head. "Wouldn't have made a difference. Evidence can easily be faked. And besides, if people are absolutely determined not to believe you, nothing you show them can change their minds."

"Like how GUN rounded up and arrested countless hedgehogs and other animals that looked absolutely nothing like you and wouldn't listen to any word to the contrary that they weren't you?" Knuckles asked.

Shadow sighed. "Something like that."

"Still pretty miffed about that," Sonic complained.

"At least you weren't put into a hospital," Mighty said bitterly.

"What about your friends?" Cream asked, alarmed.

"I hadn't met them yet. Although, to be honest, they don't believe most of the stuff I talk about either…" Sticks said bitterly. "They chalk up most of my warnings as just paranoid gibberish. And yeah, okay, some of that might be…all right, a LOT of it is…But it isn't always, and would it kill them to consider that maybe, just maybe, I might sometimes know what I'm talking about, given everything I've been through? Even Amy doesn't always feel like humoring me, and she's supposed to be my best friend…"

"What gives, Amy? Not cool!" Charmy angrily accused the pink hedgehog.

"Oh for the love of… That's not me, it's the other me!" Amy protested.

"Then you're saying you believe everything she's telling us right now?" Shadow asked skeptically.

Amy hesitated. "… Well… While I do find most of her claims a little… Outlandish…"

"That's one word for it," Silver muttered.

"It would be kind of hypocritical of me to just throw it out whole cloth," Amy continued. "After all, as strange and bizarre as her story sounds, it's not exactly like most of OUR pasts or adventures were average."

"… Fair point," Blaze admitted, and the others nodded in agreement.

"You actually believe me?" Sticks asked, surprised.

"Well, we don't really know you well enough to definitively say one way or the other," Sonic told her. "But we're willing to give you the benefit of the doubt for now. After all, though your backstory so far sounds even wilder and crazier than most of ours, given the ridiculous stuff that's happened to most of us, it would be wrong of us to not at least consider it might've happened at least somewhat the way you claim it did." Silver sighed in exasperation.

Sticks blinked and sniffled. "That's… Thanks, you guys. I wish my own friends could…" She shook her head. "Nevermind. Anyway, having lost all faith in other people, I decided it was time to head home. Even if nobody else believed me about all the conspiracies or impending apocalypses, I still knew they were coming, so figured I should do my best to prepare for it. Plus, I still needed to make sure the Froglodytes hadn't found a way to the surface. So I set forth, across blazing deserts…"

…

Sweating profusely, Sticks staggered over blistering sands, a scarf wrapped around her head to offer her some protection from the blazing sun, squinting as she was buffeted by sandy winds.

…

"And frozen tundra…"

…

Bundled up in so many parkas and fur coats it was a wonder she was able to move, Sticks struggled to push her way through a snowstorm.

…

"Up towering mountains…"

…

Sticks grunted as she slowly, inexorably pulled herself up the side of a towering mountain, Eagles crying as they flew past.

…

"And down the other side…"

…

Sticks screamed as she tumbled down a steep slope amidst a rock slide.

…

"Through murky swamps…"

…

Sticks waded through a bog, yelping when a snake abruptly lowered itself from a branch to hiss at her and what she'd taken to be a log revealed itself to be a crocodile.

…

"And verdant forests…"

…

Sticks wandered through a great forest, marveling at the massive trees towering around her.

…

"Through the urban jungle…"

…

Sticks started to cross a street in a busy metropolis, only to shriek and jump back just as a car nearly ran her over.

…

"And the actual jungle…"

…

Wielding a machete and wearing a hat, Sticks sliced and chopped her way through an overgrown rain forest.

…

"Over flower fields…"

…

Sticks frolicked through a flowery meadow, giggling as butterflies fluttered over her head.

…

"Battlefields…"

…

Sticks frantically scrambled under barbed wire as bullets shot over her head, explosions going off in the distance.

…

"Mine fields…"

…

Sticks yelled at the top of her lungs as she ran through a barren field, explosions going off in her wake.

…

"Killing fields…"

…

Sticks stared in horror at the numerous pikes rising up from the ground all around her, bodies impaled on their tops. Some of them were still twitching.

…

"Football fields…"

…

Sticks frantically ran across a grassy field in the middle of a huge stadium, over a dozen overmuscled athletes roaring as they chased after her and the ball she'd accidentally caught while passing through.

…

"And the suburbs…"

…

Sticks wailed as she ran her through somebody's backyard, pursued by a barking dog trailing a leash.

…

"Before finally, finally reaching the ocean…"

…

Sticks gazed out it the deep blue water spreading out before her from horizon to horizon as she stood on the beach, hands on her hips. "Wow, that sure was one heck of a travel montage!" She announced.

…

"Couldn't you have just taken public transportation or something?" Mighty interrupted.

"What are you, nuts? You have any idea the sort of mind altering substances coat the seats in most forms of public transport? Why do you think advertising companies pay so much to put posters and stuff on the sides and interiors of buses and the like? It's so the toxins on the seats will make you more susceptible to their subliminal messaging and go out and buy their stuff! It's so obvious!" Sticks ranted. "Plus, I didn't have enough money."

"… Right. Of course. What a stupid question," the armadillo said, sweatdropping.

"No offense to her, but I kind of understand why her friends might have trouble believing her…" Blaze murmured to Sonic, who shushed her.

"It's a different world, for all we know everything there is exactly as she says it is," he murmured back. She nodded in acquiescence.

"Why were you going to the ocean?" Asked a confused Espio.

Sticks blinked. "Huh? I didn't mention it before? I live on an island."

"Ohhhh," everyone said.

"Does it fly like Knuckles'?" Cream inquired.

Sticks shook her head. "Nah, Seaside Island is just a regular old run-of-the-mill island, like any other."

There was a pause. "Seaside Island?" Shadow asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, that's the name," Sticks confirmed.

"Isn't that a little redundant?" Amy asked.

"You think that's bad, my town used to be called 'Nameless Village,'" Sticks informed them.

Sonic blinked. "That's… An interesting name…" He said cautiously.

"Isn't calling it 'Nameless Village' actually giving it a name?" Asked a confused Vector.

"Most of the people back home aren't that smart," Sticks said flatly. "Anyway, it has a much better name: Hedgehog Village."

"Named after me, I presume?" Sonic asked, chest puffing up and pride.

"No, after Amy, who stood by me when pretty much the entire town shunned me for being descended from the evil Jebediah Badger," Sticks corrected him, causing Sonic to pout and Amy to beam.

"I have a town named after me? That's wonderful!" The pink hedgehog gushed.

"It's named after the other Amy, not you," Rouge reminded her.

"Let me have this," Amy growled.

"Now that I'd reached the beach, I built myself a raft and set sail for Seaside Island," Sticks continued.

"Why didn't you take a boat?" Charmy asked.

Sticks opened her mouth to answer, and Blaze quickly said, "Because you didn't have the money, and because there is probably some bizarre conspiracy attached to most boats?"

Sticks scowled at her. "Pretty much, yeah," the badger grumbled. "Unfortunately, about half way home, disaster struck!"

Cream gasped. "Did you get shipwrecked in a storm?"

"Were you attacked by a sea monster?" Mighty asked.

"Did you get lost in the Bermuda triangle and find yourself transported to whatever dimension all the missing boats and planes that vanished there went to?" Tails speculated.

"No, no, and yes, but that was on a separate occasion," Sticks said, shaking her head fiercely. "It was much worse than that! I realized that I left my favorite boomerang behind!"

Everyone sweatdropped. "AH," Omega said flatly.

"Also, I got captured by whale Pirates," Sticks added as an afterthought.

Sonic and Blaze immediately stiffened. "… Whale Pirates?" Rouge asked, dumbfounded.

Sticks nodded solemnly. "Whale Pirates."

…

"Yarr, we be whale Pirates!" A four foot tall sperm whale that was somehow standing on its tail wearing a tricorn hat and other pirate-y clothes, covered in scars, with an eyepatch over one eye, a hook over one Flipper and a cutlass in the other, and a crab on one shoulder bellowed. A couple dozen similarly attired whales of a variety of species standing on the ship deck behind their captain roared in assent, rattling their cutlasses and firing their flintlocks into the air as a bedraggled and tied-up Sticks stared at them in disbelief.

"Okay, this is a new one…" The badger muttered.

…

There is a long silence. "So. Whale Pirates," Shadow said finally.

"Yep," Sticks confirmed.

"That is apparently a thing now," said a clearly bewildered Rouge.

"Basically, yeah," Sticks said.

"I don't understand. Why were the whales Pirates?" Asked a confused Vector.

"Because whales are the scum of the earth, duh!" Sticks snorted.

Sonic nodded gravely. "Yeah, I can definitely confirm that."

Blaze shuddered. "I have fought Pirates. I have fought whales. But never before have I ever imagined battling whale Pirates. And just when I thought their villainy could go no further…"

"Oh, you guys hate whales too?" Sticks asked, surprised.

Sonic and Blaze nodded rapidly. "Personally, I'd be happy never to have to see their kind ever again," Sonic said gravely.

"I am currently in the middle of a genocidal campaign against their entire species back on my world," Blaze informed the badger.

"Neat. Normally I'd be totally opposed something like that, but given that I've never met a single whale that hasn't tried to kill me, I'm not complaining," Sticks said.

Cream whimpered. "Why does everyone hate whales so much?"

"A better question is why whales are apparently even eviler than the echidnas," Espio commented.

"I feel like I should take offense to that, except that it's so true…" Knuckles grumbled.

"So, what did the whale pirates do you?" Amy asked Sticks in concern.

"Probably gave her tests she forgot to study for and tried to probe her," Silver said sarcastically.

"No, they enslaved and tried to rape me," Sticks corrected the time traveler.

There was a pause. "Wait, what?"

…

"No! No! NO!" Sticks screamed in terror, tied belly down to a wooden table as a massive-

…

"NO!" Just about everyone shouted.

Sticks grimaced. "Yeah, probably not a good idea to show that bit to anyone."

Cream whimpered. Shadow hugged the rabbit to comfort her.

Espio, tearing up, clasped a hand to the badger's shoulder. "I never thought I would ever encounter someone else who understood what I've been through. I'm so sorry for you."

"Oh, so Pirates also tried to rape you, but you managed to break free at the last minute and make a daring escape?" Sticks asked in surprise.

"… No…" Espio whispered glumly.

"Okay, I think I'm starting to come around to Sonic and Blaze's way of thinking, horrific as it might be," Mighty said reluctantly.

"Who knew whales of all creatures could be Always Chaotic Evil?" Charmy wondered.

"Before my escape, I managed to overhear what the Pirates were up to," Sticks continued. "They were intending to raid the underwater city of Undersealandia, a magical submarine metropolis inhabited by a race of Seahorse people."

"They lived in a submarine?" Asked a confused Cream.

"Must be a pretty big one, for an entire species to live in it," Knuckles commented.

"I think when she says submarine, she's referring to 'underwater,' not the vehicle," Tails informed them.

"Basically, yeah," Sticks confirmed. "They DO travel across the seafloor on the back of a giant crab, though."

Blaze blinked. "… Something about this feels oddly familiar…"

"How were the Pirates going to raid the city? If it was on the bottom of the ocean, it's doubtful all of them would be able to dive that far down," asked a puzzled Rouge.

"Huh? Couldn't they just swim down?" Asked a confused Charmy.

"No, whales are mammals, not fish," Tails informed the bee. "They can't breathe underwater; they just can hold their breath for a very long time. And even then, not all of them have the right type of body to survive the crushing depths of the deepest reaches of the ocean."

"Their ship could turn into a submarine," Sticks explained. "As in the vehicle, not the synonym for being underwater, just to make that clear."

"We figured as much, yeah," Vector replied.

"Even so, just one ship against an entire city on the back of a giant crab?" Shadow asked skeptically.

"They had a secret weapon that I didn't know about until it was too late," Sticks informed them.

"How did YOU get down there, then?" Amy asked.

"The ship's dinghies and lifeboats can also turn into submersibles," Sticks explained. "Although to be perfectly honest, I wasn't trying to go to Undersealandia, I was trying to get as far away from the Pirates as possible. Unfortunately, the preprogrammed all of their boats to head down there, so I had no choice but to ride it out until I reached the city."

"You mean you weren't trying to save them?" Cream asked, surprised.

"After the way the rest of the world ignored my trying to save them from government conspiracies I found out about, I'd gotten pretty turned off to the whole 'hero' gig, so I was more interested in going home than dealing with more of this kind of stuff," Sticks confessed. "But, since I found myself forced to go down there, I just went with it. Not much else I could do."

"… Yes, I know what that's like…" Blaze said quietly.

"How were you able to breathe in the city, though?" Espio asked.

"I wondered the exact same thing when I first got there," Sticks replied.

…

"OH GOD! I'M UNDERWATER!" Sticks screamed, writhing on the sparkling seashell tiles making up the floor of the splendid city of coral towers rising all around her, bubbles rising from her form as the many beautiful anthropomorphic seahorses drifting about, their scales and fins bedecked with pearls and glittering jewels, stared at her in confusion. "I CAN'T BREATHE! I'M GONNA DROWN!"

"Actually, the water inside our city's protective dome is enchanted so that any who enter without ill intent can breathe just fine," one of the seahorses informed her.

"Oh, okay then," Sticks said, immediately calming down.

…

Everyone sweatdropped. "That's oddly convenient," Tails commented.

"What, would you rather I drowned?" Sticks demanded.

"Well, no, I just-" Tails stammered.

"Then quit complaining," the badger said sharply.

"Well, I suppose it's better than having to eat a rather noxious herb to grow gills whenever I want to visit Mulantis," Blaze mused.

"Good thing they were finally able to improve the taste of those things," Sonic commented. Blaze and Tails both nodded in agreement.

"Once I settled down, I immediately demanded they bring me to their leader, so I could warn them of about the Pirates!" Sticks continued. Her shoulder sagged. "It didn't go quite the way I hoped."

…

"What do you mean you don't believe me?!" Sticks demanded, starting to get rather unpleasant flashbacks of all the people who refused to listen to her conspiracy theories back on the mainland.

"Calm down, dear. I'm not saying I don't believe you when you say that there are pirates on the way," Otohime, the Queen of Undersealandia, a gorgeous white and pink Seahorse covered in shimmering silk and glittering gems with a lower body looking more like that of a Dragon than the rest of her people, told the badger gently. A variety of courtiers and servants flitted about the grand throne room filled with majestic statue-pillars of dragons and past members of the Royal family rising up to support the domed ceiling covered with a magnificent mosaic map of the world's oceans made of glittering gemstones and a stuffed alligator bedecked with pearls dangling from a chain, some just passing through to go about their business, while others gazed at the visitor from the surface world in curiosity or fixed all their attention on their beloved monarch in rapt awe. "It's simply that I don't understand how they could conceivably be a threat. Our soldiers are unmatched throughout the deep, the magical barrier protecting our city is virtually impregnable to those with evil will, the great Cancer which supports our home-"

…

"They had cancer?" a confused Knuckles interjected.

"No, I think she's referring to the giant crab," Tails explained.

"The crab had cancer?" Knuckles, still not getting it, asked.

"No dear, its name was Cancer," Rouge explained.

"Why would they name their giant crab after a horrible disease?" The confused echidna asked.

"Cancer is also the name of the crab constellation," an exasperated Shadow told him.

Knuckles frowned. "Then why did they name a horrible disease after a constellation shaped like a crab?"

Tails opened his mouth, and then paused. "That's… A good question, actually…"

"Ahem," Sticks coughed, reminding them all that she had been in the middle of something.

…

"-Is all but invincible, and if things get REALLY bad, I can always use the sacred Dragon Orb to transform into a mighty sea Dragon to fight off our enemies," the Queen finished, nodding at the enormous carving of a great Dragon taking up the back wall behind her throne, a glittering Pearl the size of Sticks' head shining in the mighty wyrm's eye. "Why, it would take something the likes of the mad whale God Cetus to cause any real trouble!"

Abruptly, a Seahorse clad in glittering but still very functional-looking armor burst into the room. "Your Majesty, the mad whale God Cetus is approaching!"

"What?!" The Queen shrieked. She and the rest of the court quickly swam over to the nearest window gazing out upon the magnificent metropolis, where, beyond the protective barrier encompassing the city, they could see an absolutely MASSIVE sperm whale covered in scars with protruding tusks, eyes gleaming with madness, and a horn like a narwhal's swimming towards them, other whales, so small in comparison to it they might as well have been minnows, floating around it, singing a ballad of war and death and blood. The ship of the whale Pirates, converted into a submarine form, led the pod towards the city, the Buccaneers' own songs of hatred and destruction mingling in with the rest to create a chorus of horrors promising bloodshed and atrocities unlike anything the underwater kingdom had ever seen before.

"Oh no…" The Queen whispered in horror, her subjects beginning to panic around her.

"Told you so," Sticks muttered.

…

Blaze stiffened. "Cetus?! He was there?!"

Sticks blinked in surprise. "Huh? Yeah, you know the guy?"

Blaze grimaced. "Unfortunately, yes. Long ago, I also had to save an underwater city from the mad God's wrath. However, the city was on the back of a sea turtle, and occupied by people more resembling fish than seahorses."

"Huh. Neat," Sticks said.

"Wait, I thought you killed Cetus," a confused Charmy spoke up.

"Cetus is a God, Charmy. Gods are not so easily destroyed," Blaze said solemnly.

Rouge nodded. "Yeah, even if you destroy their physical form, they still exist elsewhere in the cosmos, and given enough time and the right circumstances, could eventually gain a new body on the material plane. It's really, REALLY hard to kill one permanently. Trust me, I know."

Amy frowned. "Are you telling us that your family has killed gods? Forever?" Rouge smirked but said nothing.

"How did you vanquish Cetus when you faced him?" Blaze pressed the badger.

"Well, I didn't exactly fight him myself," Sticks admitted. "The guy was way too big. I learned that the only being he feared was the Master Shark-"

"ed'Rastekeresket t'k Gh'shestaesteh?" Blaze asked.

Sticks frowned. "Seriously? You know that guy too? And could actually pronounce his name in one go?!"

Blaze shrugged. "I had a lot of practice. Did you have as much trouble calling upon him as I did? To complete the ritual to summon him, I had to castrate Cetus and use his divine blood as a catalyst to call forth the great shark God."

Sticks whistled. "Hard-core. But nah, that's not what I did. Turned out that he already existed on my world, but the Undersealandians couldn't call him for help because the whale pirates had planned ahead and helped some jerkass Dolphins capture him, intending to sell him to Russian oligarchs in exchange for some sweet jet packs."

Cream gasped. "Oh no! That's horrible! Why would the dolphins ever do such a thing?"

"Because Dolphins are some of the nastiest punks to ever roam the seas, obviously," Sticks snorted, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, the only reason people love them so much is because they have great PR."

"She's not wrong," Tails confessed. "In real life, Dolphins are a lot crueler than most people think."

Blaze shuddered in revulsion. "Back home, whenever we think the whales have reached the depths of their depravity, the dolphins show us the error of our ways by proving just how bottomless their evil truly is."

Silver got a thousand-yard stare in his eyes. "During the Whale Wars, all the whales committed horrific atrocities against the surface world. But the dolphins… Most soldiers committed suicide rather than let themselves get captured by those sadistic bastards. I've seen pictures of what they did with their prisoners. I was never able to look at a blowhole the same way again."

There was a long silence. "… Can… Can we get off this topic, please?" Amy asked, fidgeting awkwardly.

"That would probably be a good idea," Rouge agreed.

"Right… Where was I? Oh right, the dolphins had captured that Ed guy and were going to sell him to Russian oligarchs in exchange for jet packs," Sticks recalled.

"Okay, Sticks, are you sure you're not making a reference?" Knuckles asked suspiciously.

"I still have no idea what you're talking. I don't even watch TV," Sticks replied in annoyance.

"How do you even know about that show? It's on Netflix," Sonic asked the echidna.

"I got it free along with a bunch of other special channels when I bought my cursed television," Knuckles explained. "And since there isn't really a lot to do on my island most the time but guard the Master Emerald, I binge watch stuff to alleviate the boredom."

"That makes far too much sense," Vector muttered.

"Wait, does that mean that a bunch of the times when the Master Emerald was stolen or broken, it was because you were too busy watching television?" Amy asked suspiciously.

"No," Knuckles said a little too quickly.

Sticks rolled her eyes. "ANYWAY… Without the help of big Eddie, there was no way the Undersealandians could possibly repel the Pirates and their deity ally. While the Queen used the Dragon Orb to transform into a great sea Dragon to fight alongside her armies and cancer, I was sent along with some of her special forces to retrieve and Eduardo before it was too late."

Blaze grimaced. "Can you please stop calling him names like that? It's disrespectful."

"I'll stop calling him names like that when I finally figure out how to pronounce his real name correctly," Sticks said flatly.

"Given that you said you'd basically given up on people in general, I'm a little surprised you agreed to help them," Shadow commented.

Sticks grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, well, I guess I wasn't as cynical as I thought I was. Although to be fair, helping them was probably the only way I could possibly make it out of that mess in one piece. So, we caught up to the convoy transporting Edward to Russia, where we ran into a bit of a problem…"

…

Tempest, the black-armored leader of the seahorse Special Forces unit Sticks was attached to, frowned as she looked over the edge of the undersea Canyon they were at the top of. Below them and heading in their direction was a massive metal crate being towed by about a dozen dolphins, while a few dozen more swam around it, keeping an eye out for an ambush. "This isn't good…" Tempest muttered. "There are too many of them. I don't know how we're going to get close enough to rescue Lord ed'Rastekeresket t'k Gh'shestaesteh and make it out of there without taking serious casualties…"

"That's him, in the crate?" Sticks, wearing a magic pearl necklace enchanted to let her breathe underwater, asked skeptically. "Huh. Thought he'd be bigger from the way you all talked him up."

"He usually is," Tempest explained, looking outraged. "However, Lord ed'Rastekeresket t'k Gh'shestaesteh's true power, size, and majesty can only be maintained by constantly eating. By starving him, the dolphins have made him small and weak enough to transport to Russia. Those fiends! This is unforgivable!"

…

"Starving a bro?! Not cool!" Vector, who also ate quite a bit, cried indignantly.

"Doesn't that violate some international treaty or something?" Amy asked, looking repulsed.

"I don't think most of those treaties include undersea city-states as signatories," Rouge replied.

…

Sticks, who knew what it was like to go days without knowing where your next meal might come from, nodded in sympathy. She stroked her chin in thought, gazing down the Canyon to try and figure out a way to rescue the mighty shark. "Hey, what's that?" The badger asked, spotting what looked like a downed submarine resting in more or less one piece on a ledge halfway down the side of the canyon wall. "Is that a submarine?"

Glancing at where Sticks was pointing, Tempest nodded. "Yes, that's been there for many years. It sank a long time ago, presumably due to some equipment malfunction. None of us have dared to check it out for fear that we might set off whatever ordinance might still be on board."

"What makes you think there is any?" Sticks asked, though she was fairly certain that the submarine was carrying.

"We've long since learned how to tell submarines apart. From the make and markings on its side, it's most definitely a military submarine, carrying incredibly deadly cargo. Most likely nuclear," Tempest explained.

Sticks grinned madly. "Good to hear, because I think I just got an idea…"

…

"WAS-IT-TO-DETONATE-THE-WARHEADS-INSIDE-THE-SUBMARINE, CAUSING-A-GOOD-CHUNK-OF-THE-CANYON-TO-COLLAPSE-AND-PROVIDING-A-DISTRACTION-YOU-COULD-USE-TO AMBUSH-THE-STARTLED-DOLPHINS-AND-FREE-LORD ED'RASTEKERESKET T'K GH'SHESTAESTEH?" Omega asked eagerly.

"What?! No, of course not!" Sticks cried, alarmed. "What are you, crazy? Do you have any idea what that'd do to the environment?! No, we went with something much more sensible."

…

"Hey, dolphins! You suck!" Tempest shouted down at the dolphins from the top of the Canyon. Her troops presented their tails to the dolphins and started smacking them provocatively.

"What?! We do not suck!" the lead dolphin snarled as the other dolphins growled and glared menacingly at the seahorses.

"We can't let them talk to us like that!" a dolphin who was most certainly not Sticks in a shoddy dolphin costume spoke up.

"Yeah, that totally gorgeous chick is right! We should totally go up there and kill them and rape them and shit for talking smack to us like that!" Another dolphin was also most certainly not Sticks in a shoddy dolphin costume who'd quickly moved to the other side of the pod suggested.

"Yeah… Yeah, we should! Once the great Cetus has destroyed their city, the seahorse bitches won't be able to look down on us anymore! We should give them a taste of what their future's going to be like from now on!" The dolphin leader agreed. His face fell. "… Is what I'd like to say, except that we have to stay here and escort the Big Bad Shark to his final destination."

"What's that? You aren't coming after us to ravage and slaughter us? We thought you were dolphins, not flounders!" Tempest sneered. Her troops snickered and made various derogatory comments about the dolphins' ancestry and sexual prowess.

"Oooh! OOOOHHH! YOU ROTTEN LITTLE…" Roared, veins standing out on his for it.

"Hey, brah, don't worry about that loser shark dude, I'll stay here and guard him while the rest of you go take care of business!" Another dolphin that was almost definitely not Sticks in a shoddy dolphin costume declared.

The lead dolphin glanced at the dolphin that was almost definitely not Sticks in a shoddy dolphin costume in surprise. "Seriously? You'd do that, bro? And miss out on all the fun?"

The dolphin that was totally not Sticks in a shoddy dolphin costume waved a fluke dismissively. "Nah brah. I've got a pretty nasty rash from all the bitches I fucked this morning. Doctor says I should rest up on the ravaging for a bit until it feels better."

"Dude, that blows!" The lead dolphin said sympathetically.

"Yeah, well, these things happen," the dolphin that was absolutely not Sticks in a shoddy dolphin costume said nobly. "Go on, fuck 'em in my place. I'll wait here until you're done."

The leader shook his head in awe. "You are truly a righteous, righteous bro, bro. Don't worry, we'll make this quick."

"Take all the time you need, brah. I'm not going anywhere," the dolphin that really, really wasn't Sticks in a shoddy dolphin costume encouraged the leader.

"Heh, well, if you're sure! Come on, bros, let's show those bitches what a real sea creature feels like!" The dolphin leader cried. His subordinates cheered ecstatically, and they surged upwards towards the seahorses, which had oddly not moved an inch during this deliberation. Giggling to themselves, the seahorses quickly swam off, and the dolphins followed in hot pursuit, leaving only the dolphin that was really, truly, absolutely, a real dolphin and not Sticks in a shoddy dolphin costume floating idly beside the big metal crate behind.

"Heh, suckers," the dolphin who actually WAS Sticks in a shoddy dolphin costume snickered to herself. (GASP! Who could have seen this coming?!)

…

Everyone stared at the badger incredulously. "Really?" Shadow asked skeptically.

"Oh, like none of you have ever managed to fool some dumb bad guys by dressing up in a really crappy disguise!" Sticks retorted.

"… I hate to admit it, but she kind of has a point," Tails said reluctantly.

"It's really strange how that works as often as it does," Amy commented.

"BUT-WHAT-ABOUT-THE-MISSILES-ON-THE-SUBMARINE?" Omega asked in dismay.

"Getting there," Sticks said.

…

Sticks knocked on the side of the crate. "Hey, Mister Ed, I'm here to rescue you. If I let you out, do you promise not to eat me?"

There was a pause, and then a smooth, patient voice which sent chills down Sticks' spine and caused her to suddenly become deeply aware of her own mortality said, "I promise not to eat you right away, assuming you can find me something else to devour before I lose control of my hunger and feast upon your flesh."

Sticks swallowed, suddenly wondering if this had been such a good idea. "I'll take that as a yes."

A moment later, she had easily picked the lock and quickly swam out of the way as the great ed'Rastekeresket t'k Gh'shestaesteh surged out of his prison, his very presence somehow causing the ocean around him to grow significantly darker and the water temperature to drop considerably. While Sticks had seen sharks before, in comparison to the massive bone-white specimen before her, the badger girl had to admit that they all seemed like pale imitations compared to this, the Ur-shark, the apex predator of apex predators upon which all of his species were but inadequate reflections. While he wasn't as big as she had imagined when she'd first thought of the idea of a shark deity, he was still much larger than she would've expected that crate to be able to contain, and his aura made him seem even bigger still, a pall of dread and primal terror washing over Sticks as the great carnivore turned his cold, black, dead eyes on her. She'd been close to death many times before in her wild and adventurous life, but never did she feel the Reaper's touch as close as she did when ed'Rastekeresket t'k Gh'shestaesteh opened his mouth and smiled at her.

There were far too many teeth. Some of them were bigger than she was.

"To whom, may I ask, do I have to thank for my freedom?" ed'Rastekeresket t'k Gh'shestaesteh asked calmly, as if he weren't only seconds away from going on a feeding frenzy which would cause the ocean to turn red with blood.

"Um. St-Sticks. Sticks the Badger. Sir," Sticks stammered nervously.

"A badger? We do not see many of your kind this far in the deeps. What brings you here, little surface dweller?" ed'Rastekeresket t'k Gh'shestaesteh asked curiously.

"I, uh, came here with some seahorses to rescue you on behalf of the Queen of Undersealandia. Some whale Pirates have summoned Cetus and are trying to destroy the city, and you're apparently the only one who can stop him," Sticks informed the dread Lord.

"Cetus? Hmm, I thought I smelled his fetid stench befouling my waters…" ed'Rastekeresket t'k Gh'shestaesteh mused. "So that is why he had his underlings abduct me. The coward was too afraid to face me honorably. Then again, considering how many times I have consumed him in the past, I suppose such behavior is not unwarranted." He frowned, which was somehow less terrifying than his smile, but only marginally. "Unfortunately, in my current state I am not strong enough to face him. I will require a good meal before I'm strong enough to vanquish that wretch once more." He licked his lips. "Thankfully, those dolphins that captured me should suffice…"

"Actually, I was kind of hoping you'd, um, not eat them," Sticks spoke up.

The shark God stated her blankly. "Those dolphins captured me, starved me, and intended to sell me to Russian oligarchs in exchange for paltry trinkets. Why ever should I not eat them?"

"Because I have an even better idea to get back at them, AND the rich bastards who hired them in the first place," Sticks said, some of her confidence coming back to her. She gestured at the downed submarine. "Tell me, do you know anything about ICBMs?"

ed'Rastekeresket t'k Gh'shestaesteh smiled again. She almost wished he hadn't.

…

"With Edd's help, I was able to get a missile out of the sub about as big and heavy as he was and put it in the box before the dolphins got back, my seahorse pals having given them the slip," Sticks elaborated. "After I assured them that nothing had happened while they were gone – – and snuck off when they weren't looking – – they continued on their way to Russia, with absolutely no idea that anything happened. When they arrived and delivered the crate to the Russians, the missile we stuck inside went off and blow up the whole lot of them!… As well as pretty much the entire country, killing millions."

There was a pause. "Wait, what?" Amy asked, dumbfounded.

"You blew up Russia?!" Shrieked an incredulous Rouge.

"I-TAKE-BACK-EVERY-NEGATIVE-COMMENT-I-HAVE-EVER-SAID-OR-THOUGHT-ABOUT-YOU," Omega said, optics glowing with awe.

"I didn't mean to!" Sticks yelled defensively. "I didn't know what the yield on that thing was! And, to be fair, at least I killed the Soviet Union once and for all."

"I thought the Soviet Union was disbanded at the end of the Cold War," said a perplexed Tails, struggling to wrap his mind around the idea that their new guest had destroyed an entire country by accident.

"Nah, that's just what they want you to think while they're trying to resurrect Stalin," Sticks insisted.

"… She's actually not wrong," Rouge admitted.

"Wait, seriously?!" Mighty asked, dumbfounded.

"What's next, are you going to tell us that Germany is actually still being run by a secret society of Nazis that are trying to revive Hitler, and Chairman Mao never really died and is still ruling Chun-Nan from the shadows?" Vector asked only half-sarcastically.

Shadow snorted. "Don't be preposterous! Hitler died decades ago in outer space. And Chairman Mao never existed, he was a mechanical dummy built by the North Koreans to secretly control Chun-Nan."

"… Okay, now I know you're making shit up, everyone knows North Korea is too incompetent to do something like that!" Charmy protested.

"That's what they want you to think," Shadow said seriously.

Sticks nodded. "Yeah, I could've told you that!"

"Wait, then does that mean the current leader of North Korea is actually an evil genius the likes of which the world has never seen before who's only been pretending to be a moron this whole time to lull the nations of the world into a false sense of security?" Sonic asked in concern.

"No, he really is that stupid, his ancestor was unusually clever for that family," Rouge assured him. The blue hedgehog sighed in relief.

"Why was Hitler in space in the first place?" asked a confused Espio.

"To take over the world with a Nazi mind control satellite," Shadow explained. "He was stopped by a special task force, thankfully, though he got off a quick burst before he was killed, which is why we still have so many neo-Nazis and Holocaust deniers."

"Ah," the chameleon said blankly.

"…That explains so much," said a stunned Vector.

"What are Nazis?" Cream asked.

There was a long, awkward pause. "Something we'll talk about later," Shadow said finally, much to everyone's relief. The rabbit sighed in resignation.

"So, are we just going to ignore the fact that Sticks destroyed an entire country and killed millions of people?" Blaze spoke up.

"I'M-COOL-WITH-THAT," Omega said cheerfully.

"And how many countries and people have you killed?" Amy asked pointedly.

"… They weren't by accident…" Blaze muttered.

"What about those worlds you may or may not have destroyed on your way to your current dimension?" Knuckles asked.

Blaze flinched. Sonic glared at the echidna. "We don't like to talk about that, remember?"

Knuckles winced. "Sorry."

"How are you taking this, Cream?" Charmy asked the rabbit in concern.

Cream bit her lip. "Well…I don't like the idea she destroyed an entire country, but…if it was an accident, and they were bad people, I guess it's…well, not okay but…I guess it's…understandable?"

"…Bad people. Right," Shadow said hesitantly, not sure he wanted her to think about how most of those millions of Russians probably HADN'T been evil.

"So," Sticks said loudly to hopefully make everyone forget her act of accidental genocide. "We got Edwin enough food to help him regain his true size and power – – – and no, I am not going to tell you how we did it, because that memory will haunt me for the rest of my life – – and he called an army of sharks and attacked Cetus and his whales. It was… Well, a massacre. Pure and simple. I didn't see most of what happened because pretty much everything was obscured by the massive cloud of red which enveloped everything for miles around the second the sharks entered their feeding frenzy."

"Yeesh. Talk about a bloodbath…" Sonic muttered.

"I-WISH-I-COULD-HAVE-SEEN-THAT," Omega said longingly.

"The second she saw the sharks coming, Otohime reverted to her normal form and rushed back into the city along with all of her warriors and quickly ordered Cancer to skedaddle before the sharks could pick up on the scent from their wounds and eat them too," Sticks went on.

"Why would they eat her and the seahorses? I thought they were allies," said a confused Cream.

"Sharks don't really distinguish from friend and foe when they start eating," Blaze explained to the rabbit. "When they smell blood in the water, anything, and I mean ANYTHING is fair game. Even their own kind."

Cream shuddered. "Oh dear…"

"When it was all over, there was nothing left of the whales but a few scraps of flesh and bone and a few lingering clouds of blood in the water," Sticks recounted. "Edelstein, after regaining his senses, swung by to thank us for the meal and to tell me that Cetus had tried to cast a dying curse on me for bringing this fate upon him, but got his tongue bitten off before he could finish."

Blaze scowled. "Wish he'd done that for me. Then I wouldn't be in the middle of a heated battle with all of whalekind for control of the seas."

"To be fair, it was probably only a matter of time before they tried to destroy you anyway," Sonic pointed out. "Whales are pure evil, after all."

"True enough," Blaze admitted.

"You'd probably be surprised to learn how long they've been plotting to kill us all," Silver said seriously.

"I got a medal and a big fancy ceremony to thank me for helping save the city. Afterwards, the seahorses provided me with a fancy ship I could use to travel to rest the way home, and promised to use their influence to stop any conspiracy involving the ocean, be it for transport or something more sinister," Sticks continued. "Everything seemed like smooth sailing from there on out. So naturally, that's when I fell into the Bermuda triangle."

…

"OH, COME ON!" Sticks screamed, frantically trying to drive her elaborately ornate magitek watercraft out of the glowing and crackling whirlpool trying to suck her in while overhead dark clouds rumbled and bolts of oddly-colored lightning streaked through the skies.

…

"Oh yeah, was wondering if you were going to follow up on that," Mighty commented.

"So, the Bermuda triangle in your world really is some sort of supernatural anomaly," Tails observed.

"What, it isn't in your world?" Sticks asked in confusion.

"It is," Rouge confirmed.

"Wait, really?" Asked a surprised Sonic. "Nothing weird ever seems to happen when I'm in the vicinity. Which is… Actually pretty strange for me, come to think of it…"

"Why would you ever be in the vicinity? You hate water," Espio pointed out.

"I hate water, but love islands. They make great daiquiris down there," Sonic said fondly.

"I don't mind the ocean so much either. So long as I don't have to get in it. Or deal with whales," Blaze said in disgust. Sonic nodded in agreement.

"The Bermuda triangle really is a supernatural anomaly, but nothing happens unless the right circumstances are met," Rouge explained. "Three times out of four you go there nothing happens. But if you happen to be there when the Ley lines converge and the planets are aligned juuuust right… Well, then things get interesting."

"Interesting how?" Tails asked.

"The Triangle is one of those 'soft' places in the world where our reality occasionally intersects with others, leading to dimensional rifts," Rouge explained. "Where those rifts lead varies on a truly alarming list of factors including the time of day, the weather, the tide, what sort of fish are swimming nearby…if you aren't careful, you could find yourself sailing or flying into another world entirely, and never find your way back. Such is most likely the fate of most of the boats and planes that have gone missing there over the centuries."

Blaze nodded in understanding. "Yes, we have many places like that in my world as well. It is most likely that a similar anomaly is how you and Tails arrived in my world on your first visit, Beloved."

"I thought the Emeralds did that," Sonic said in confusion.

"They did, by agitating a pre-existing weak point in the space-time continuum to create a breach that would transport us across worlds," Tails explained.

"Oh," Sonic said.

"Were you transported somewhere, Miss Sticks?" Cream asked.

Sticks nodded. "I was indeed. After my engine finally went kaput and I was dragged, screaming and flailing my arms and panic, into the vortex, I found myself…"

…

Sticks was sitting on a bench.

She looked to her left. Nothing but white.

She looked to her right. Nothing but white.

She looked up. Nothing but white.

She looked over her shoulder. Nothing but white.

She looked down. Nothing but white. She tapped her foot experimentally, and while she could feel a surface, it didn't make any noise when her foot pressed against it.

Scowling, she stared straight ahead, into even more white. "Well, this blows."

…

"Well, that sounds familiar…" Sonic muttered.

Amy nodded. "Yeah, except there was a lot more stuff the last time. Also, we were turned to stone or frozen in time or something."

Vector shuddered. "Not a pleasant experience…"

…

"It's actually much more fantastic than you could possibly imagine, but your mortal mind is incapable of perceiving this realm as it really is, hence this white space," said a voice right next to her, startling Sticks and causing her to jump off the bench with a yelp. Whipping out her boomerang, she turned to face-

…

"Let me guess, it was a talking pineapple?" Knuckles asked.

Sticks gave him a confused look. "What? No, that's stupid. Why would it be a talking pineapple?"

"Yeah, where did that idea come from?" Asked a dumbfounded Mighty.

"It's… Nevermind, it's not important," said the annoyed Knuckles.

…

-A wily-looking red-brown echidna wearing a tattered tribal outfit, beads in his dreadlocks, sandals, and a walking stick sitting on the bench. Sticks narrowed her eyes, suspicious. "And I'm guessing my brain is incapable of handling what you really look like, and this is just a form you thought I'd be comfortable with?"

"No, this is really me," the echidna said cheerfully. He extended a hand. "Hi, my name is Athair. It's a pleasure to meet you."

…

Knuckles gasped. "Great-grandfather Athair!"

Sticks blinked. "Huh? Oh yeah, that's right, Knuckles in countless universes are related to countless crazy old kooks named Athair who've somehow transcended space and time."

Knuckles pause. "Wait, does that mean it might not be my Athair, but somebody else's?"

Sticks shrugged. "Maybe? There are a lot of Athair's out there."

Knuckles'shoulders slumped. "Oh."

"Don't worry, Knuckles, I'm sure you'll meet yours someday," Rouge told the echidna reassuringly, patting him on the shoulder.

"And maybe we could too. I liked him in Tikal's story. He sounded neat," Charmy commented.

…

Sticks did not take the strange old echidna's hand. "Not sure I can say the same for you. Where the heck am I?"

"Well, Sticks-" Athair began.

Sticks gasped. "How did you know my name?! I never told you that!"

"I'm a transcendent being disconnected from space and time as you know it. I know lots of things," Athair explained.

This did not reassure Sticks. "Then you can read my mind?! I don't want anyone in there! There's stuff in there nobody can know, not even me! Especially not me!"

Athair chuckled. "Don't worry, little one, any secrets you have I promise will never leave my lips. Besides, I've seen worse."

Sticks frowned. "I'm not sure if that makes me feel any better."

The echidna shrugged. "It wasn't supposed to. Anyway, to answer your question: when you fell into the dimensional rift in the Bermuda triangle, you found yourself here, in the realm of my Masters, the Ancient Walkers, among the oldest and most powerful extradimensional beings in all of existence."

…

Rouge and Shadow both stiffened at this. "The Ancient Walkers…" The black hedgehog murmured.

"This could be rather… Informative…" Rouge agreed.

Knuckles got excited again. "My great-grandfather Athair serves elder powerful extradimensional beings called the Ancient Walkers!"

"So do lots of Athair's," Sticks said. Knuckles sagged again.

"The Ancient Walkers? Those are the guys who intervened to save some of the echidna race from being wiped out by their own stupidity, right?" Mighty recalled.

Knuckles made a face. "You don't have to say it like that…"

"Looks like we're going to get a chance to see what they're like," said an intrigued Blaze.

…

Sticks blinked. "Okay…" She said uncertainly. She glanced at the bench. "Is that a real bench, or also something so completely unfathomable the only way I can maintain my sanity is to imagine it as a bench?"

"No, it's an actual bench. I'm an old echidna, and sometimes I feel the need to sit down for a while," Athair explained. "It's also a convenience for any mortal visitors we should happen to receive. Make them feel a little more comfortable. It's often a long, hard journey from wherever they come from to reach this place."

"Didn't feel that long to me," Sticks argued.

"Oh, it was. You just blocked most of it out," Athair assured her.

"To protect my sanity?" Sticks questioned.

"Basically," Athair replied.

…

"Doesn't seem like it did a very good job…" Silver muttered. Everyone glared at him. "What? Like you weren't thinking the same thing?"

"Maybe, but at least we weren't saying it," Amy pointed out. The time traveler grunted.

…

Sticks folded her arms, frowning at the ancient echidna. "So what the heck am I doing here anyway? Did that magical whirlpool spit me out here by accident, or…?"

Athair shook his head. "No, there was no accident. We wanted you to come here. You see, my Masters wished to meet you."

"Those Ancient Walker dudes, right? Well, where are they?" Sticks asked. "Because right now I feel like giving them a piece of my mind!"

"Oh, they're right over there," Athair said, nodding behind Sticks.

The badger turned around to see that there were three entities standing there that had not been there before. One looked like a pterodactyl wearing a grey mask shaped like an upside-down gourd with a quirky smile and elongated quadrangular white eye stripes with horizontal slits drawn across them and other white stripes and dots on the top and sides. The other two were green-scaled bipedal reptilians, but one was tall, thick, and stocky, while the other was shorter and skinnier. The taller one was wearing an orange mask which covered his entire head with a few green feathers and a large yellow beak protruding from the front with white painted eyes with yellow irises and horizontal slit pupils looking out over it, a circular necklace with a three-pointed star draped around its neck and a thick wooden stake that looked it could kill any vampire clutched in its right hand. The shorter, skinnier one wore a huge dark Blue Shield-shaped mask at least as big as it was with purple tufts growing from the sides and white markings covering the surface with large round eyes with horizontal slit pupils and a white semi-circle with another horizontal line in it to represent a mouth, clutching a stick with an orb resembling Saturn on the top, like some sort of wand.

Sticks blinked. "Okay, don't tell me, this is what they actually look like?"

"Oh no, their true forms are beyond your mortal comprehension and these are forms they've chosen that they thought you'd be more comfortable with," Athair explained.

"They thought I'd be more comfortable with dinosaurs wearing masks?" Sticks asked skeptically.

Athair shrugged. "Sure, who doesn't like dinosaurs?"

Sticks could not refute that logic.

...

"Guy's got a point," Mighty continued. Pretty much everyone else nodded in agreement.

"I'm descended from dinosaurs! Probably why I'm so awesome," Vector boasted.

"Actually, Vector, the crocodilians from the prehistoric era cannot be classified as dinosaurs, any more than pterodactyls or the great sea lizards could," Tails interjected.

Vector deflated at that. "Oh."

"On the other hand, your species is – – on the broad scale – – not all that different from your prehistoric ancestors, much like sharks haven't changed all that much over the last few million years," Tails continued.

"Oh! Well, naturally, evolution must have realized there wasn't much more it could do to perfection!" Vector said, puffing himself up again.

"If you're so perfect, why are we living in a shithole apartment with dead-end jobs and Charmy's about to get eaten by a literal loan shark?" Espio asked flatly.

"… Shut up…" Vector grumbled.

"Miss Blaze, do you have dinosaurs in your world?" Cream asked eagerly.

"I do, as a matter fact. Some of them are even friendly," Blaze told the rabbit. She decided not to tell her it was mainly because she'd long since destroyed all of the more hostile ones.

"It's pretty sweet, actually. I got to ride a T Rex!" Sonic recalled happily. "Which, let me tell you, is much better than being chased by one. I know from experience."

"So what, you've got some sort of Jurassic Park deal over there? You know that sort of thing never ends well, right?" Charmy asked skeptically.

"To be fair, by the time of Jurassic World they had a fully functioning Park which was working perfectly, until they got greedy and desperate and tried to create their own dinosaur," Tails pointed out. "And even then, it might still have worked out okay if they'd designed its enclosure better."

"It's not a problem in my world," Blaze assured them. "The dinosaurs we have are much more intelligent, and less inclined to eat someone if they get hungry."

"Hey Silver, they got dinosaurs in your time period, too?" Knuckles asked the time traveler.

"Why would there be dinosaurs in his era? He comes from the future, not the past," said a confused Shadow.

"Yeah, but I figured in the future they'd have the technology to resurrect dinosaurs from fossils or something," Knuckles pointed out. "Isn't that how it usually works?"

"I'd be offended by your trying to paint my time period in such broad sweeping generalizations… But yeah, we've got dinosaurs," Silver admitted.

"Cool," Knuckles said.

"Could we visit?" Vector asked.

"No," Silver said firmly.

"Don't worry, you can come visit the ones in my world," Blaze promised. After I make sure there's nothing you idiots could possibly screw up from crossing over…

"I'm gonna hold you to that," the crocodile said.

"Can we please get back to my story?" Sticks asked in annoyance.

"Oh, right, sorry," Amy said apologetically. "Proceed."

…

"Okay, so, why'd you guys bring me here?" Sticks asked the Ancient Watchers.

"Well, you see-" Athair began.

"I'm asking them, not you," Sticks interrupted.

"I speak for them when interacting with mortals. If they were to attempt to speak to you directly-" Athair began.

"Right, right, I'll go insane or something. Got it," Sticks interrupted, rolling her eyes in annoyance. "All right then, why am I here?" She asked again, this time addressing the echidna.

"Simply put, young badger… We need your help," Athair said seriously.

Sticks groaned. "Seriously? I just got done saving an underwater civilization!"

"And you did a fine job of it, too. Unfortunately, a hero's work is never done," Athair pointed out.

Sticks made a face. "Not really sure I'm that much of a hero…"

"Well, the Ancient Watchers consider you to be enough of one, or else you wouldn't even be here," Athair told her.

"I guess…" Sticks said rather doubtfully. "But why do they need my help? If they're so all-powerful and stuff, why can't they resolve whatever big Multiversal crisis or whatever's about to happen on their own?"

"They're called the Ancient WATCHERS, not the Ancient DOERS," Athair informed her.

Sticks considered this for moment. "Oh. Okay, yeah, that makes sense."

…

"Seriously?" Sonic asked in disbelief.

"What? It's in the name!" Sticks said defensively.

"From what the professor taught me, and corroborated by what Tikal told us, the Ancient Watchers are more of observers then meddlers, who will only rarely interfere in the affairs of lesser beings for reasons which probably make sense only to themselves," Shadow hypothesized.

"But why? What's the point of having all that power if you don't do anything with it but just… Watch?" Amy asked skeptically.

"Maybe they don't want to affect our development too much and see how we grow on our own?" Tails suggested.

"Or maybe they're just assholes who get their jollies watching us flail about with no idea what we're doing?" Espio offered cynically.

"Or, more likely, they are entities so far beyond our understanding that any attempt to fathom why they do anything will end in failure," Rouge reasoned.

"So what exactly did they need your help with?" Mighty asked.

"I asked them the exact same thing," Sticks said.

…

"So what exactly do you need my help with?" Sticks asked.

"At this exact moment? Nothing," Athair told her.

Sticks blinked. "Huh? But I thought-"

"There is no great danger to the multiverse at this point in time, but in the future, there WILL be," Athair explained. "There always is, sooner or later."

"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense," Sticks admitted. "So… What, you're trying to recruit me so that if and when something happens, I'll be there to help if needed?"

"Basically, yes," Athair agreed.

Sticks made a face. "I dunno… If you guys have really been watching me-"

"Since the moment of your birth, and before," Athair said cheerfully.

Sticks pause for long moment. "Okay, that just creeps me out even more than every conspiracy I know of or have ever dreamed of."

"Don't worry, you're not the only one. We watch everyone!" Athair explained.

"Yeah, that doesn't make it sound any better," Sticks said flatly. "Anyway, you've probably noticed by now that I don't take too well to government conspiracies or secret societies or anyone who tries to tell me how I should live my life. Why should I work for or have anything to do with entities that are basically the embodiment of the spying and intrusion of privacy I despise so much?"

"Because we don't seek to control you? Because we only wish to keep the multiverse a safe and stable place for you and all other living things?" Athair offered.

"My world doesn't seem that safe and stable," Sticks said skeptically.

"Trust me when I say there are worlds far worse off than yours out there in the cosmos, Sticks. And worlds that are better. Or worlds that are more or less the same," Athair said with a shrug. "In a nigh-infinite multiverse, all things and all worlds are possible. And no matter how bad off you believe your world to be, at least it's THERE, which it would not be if being such as ourselves weren't there to… Well, watch everything and make sure that the right individuals are in the right place at the right time to keep everything going."

"So what, I should be thanking you?" Sticks asked dubiously.

"You can if you want to. Or not. It's really up to you," Athair said with a shrug. "We don't need thanks, the knowledge that we are doing our jobs well and fighting the good fight is gratification enough for us."

"Uh-huh. And what gratification would I get out of doing this?" Sticks asked doubtfully.

"Other than the knowledge that literally countless people across reality will be able to sleep a little bit safer with you on the job?" Athair asked.

"I don't know these people and they don't know me. Why should I care about them?" Sticks asked skeptically.

"Not knowing people didn't stop you from trying to save them by exposing all the conspiracies you learned about while in captivity on the Internet," Athair pointed out.

Sticks clenched her fists for moment. "That was before I realized people are ungrateful morons who'd rather believe a satisfying lie then confront the truth that things aren't the way they think they are."

"Sadly, an affliction common to people all over the multiverse," Athair said sympathetically. "Although I will admit that the majority of the people on your world are more apathetic than most. But if you're so willing to abandon them to their fate, why then did you help save the Undersealandians?"

"It's not like I helped them out of the generosity of my heart or anything," Sticks said defensively. "If it weren't for the fact that they were my only ticket to getting out of that mess in one piece, I would have left them to die."

Athair raised an eyebrow. "Do you really mean that?"

Sticks opened her mouth for a moment, hesitated, then grimaced and glanced away. "… Well, by the time I got there, it wasn't like they were some faceless mass I'd never met before. They seemed… Nice. It wouldn't have been right to leave them in the lurch."

Athair nodded. "So you are willing to fight for the people you care about, but don't care that much about everyone else? There's nothing particularly wrong with that. It's easier to fight for something solid and meaningful than some vague concept."

"Yeah, well, I don't have anyone I care about," Sticks said, bitter once again. "Nobody I want to protect other than me."

"I can think of a good number of snails and seahorses who would beg to differ," Athair argued.

Sticks couldn't meet his eyes. "I'm not the badger they think I am."

"Or perhaps you're not the badger you think you are," Athair said enigmatically. "But let us move on. If you had not been transported to this place, what would you have done once you returned to your den? Isolate yourself from the rest of your world, ignored everything that happened beyond your walls?"

"What? No!" Sticks spluttered in alarm. "I'm not some sheeple! I would definitely keep tabs on what was going on elsewhere! How else could I know how much time is left before the apocalypse, or what shady business the world's governments are up to next?"

"And would you do anything about them?" Athair asked benignly.

"If I believed I could, then yeah! I mean, I already stopped one robot Apocalypse from happening, didn't I?" Sticks said smugly. "I'm sure I could prevent another, so long as I knew was coming."

"But why? I thought you said you didn't care about protecting people you don't know about," Athair questioned.

"I don't! But if I gotta live in the same world as them, I don't want it to be a sucky one!" Sticks insisted.

Athair nodded. "Just like if you must live in the same multiverse as everyone else, you don't want it to be a terrible one?"

Sticks nodded vigorously. "Yeah, that's-" she paused, realizing what he just been tricked into admitting. "Dammit."

"Without your help, we cannot guarantee that the multiverse will remain a tolerable place for everyone to live," Athair said gently.

Sticks grimaced and looked away. "Look, even if that's true, you're asking the wrong girl. I'm not… I'm not the hero you're looking for."

Athair raised his eyebrows. "Truly? Modesty is not something I expected from you, Sticks. I'd say you're more than hero material given your track record so far. You spent most of your life growing up in the wilderness on your own, trained an underground civilization to fight back against their predators, survived being held captive by both aliens and the military for quite some time, thwarted a robot Apocalypse before it could even begin, saved an undersea civilization from extinction… And although you may think nobody paid attention when you released all that conspiracy information on the Internet, more people took notice than you might think. You did more damage to the shadowy conspiracies that seek to control your world than you may ever realize."

"Well, I admit I've done a bit of good in the world, but… Compared to the sort of stuff you're implying… Don't you think you should be looking for someone else? Someone stronger, smarter, less…" The badger trailed off.

"Of a paranoid conspiracy survivalist freak?" Athair finished.

Sticks winced. "Not exactly the words I was going to use, but…"

"Believe it or not, Sticks, but you are, in fact, ideal for the role," Athair told her.

"Really?" Sticks asked skeptically.

Athair nodded. "Really. I can see you aren't convinced, though. How about this: let me at least explain the job we are offering you, the duties and responsibilities involved, as well as the benefits. If you don't like it, not only will we send you right back to your den on Seaside island, but as thanks for at least hearing us out, we will give you an unlimited supply of tinfoil hats, as well as a small fraction of the power that you would be granted if you agreed to join us: the ability to glimpse a part of the true nature of reality, to understand the way the world and the people in it really work, which will allow you to better predict what will happen and combat the forces that would seek to destroy you and all you hold dear. Granted, you won't be able to remember how you got all that, since we would need to erase your memory before sending you home, but I think that's a pretty generous offer for just lending me your ear for a few minutes, don't you?"

"You had me at 'tinfoil hats,'" Sticks said, intrigued.

…

"Tinfoil hats? Really?" Silver asked in disbelief.

"Believe it or not, but tinfoil hats really ARE the perfect way to keep your mind from being controlled by hypnotic brainwaves or read by spy satellites," Sticks said seriously.

"Is that true, Tails?" Cream asked the Fox.

"I've never actually tested it," Tails admitted. "I suppose it might be worth a check…"

"Given how often we run into enemies or robots that want to try and control our minds, that sort of protection might prove useful," Espio noted.

"Plus, maybe it'll keep Shadow from doing whatever other people tell him to on the flimsy excuse that he'll learn more about his past," Knuckles joked.

"And maybe it'll stop YOU from believing everything anyone else tells you," Shadow retorted.

The Echidna grimaced. "Fair point."

…

The Ancient Walker wielding a stake raised his hands into the air, and suddenly the five of them were no longer in the white space but somewhere… Else. A space equally infinite, but full of marbles of every color in the spectrum and quite a few that weren't, all of them glittering with twinkling lights contained within their semitransparent surfaces. Glistening strands stretched out between the marbles, connecting every marble to all the adjacent ones around it and forming a vast web of magnificent light and color.

"Whoa…" Sticks murmured, eyes growing wide.

"Behold the multiverse!" Athair declared. "It doesn't actually look like this, of course, but this is a form your mortal mind is more likely to be able to comprehend. Each of the marbles you see surrounding you is a universe, and all those lights galaxies, each of which potentially contain over a squintabazillionjillion life forms scattered across an almost countless number of worlds."

"It's beautiful…" Sticks whispered, awestruck.

Athair smiled sadly. "Indeed, it is. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way."

The marbles trembled, shudders running down the threads binding them and causing the glittering cosmos to quake and quiver. A darkness spread across the multiverse, engulfing every marble and extinguishing the light within, spreading faster than Sticks could comprehend, to the point where she hadn't even realized it had swept over her until it was long past. Every speck of light had vanished, and there was nothing but absolute darkness in every direction.

The badger shook, the weight of the utter nothingness pressing down on her with even greater pressure than the ocean she had recently visited. "Bring it back," she whispered. "Bring it back bring it back bring it back!"

"Very well," said Athair.

The skinny Walker raised his staff…

And just like that, the darkness was gone, and the multiverse was surrounding them once again. "What… What was that?!" Sticks demanded, trying to stop her trembling.

"There are evils and disasters which threaten towns. Nations. Planets. Galaxies. Universes," Athair recited. "And then there are forces which, either willingly or unknowingly, seek to destroy all that ever is, was, or ever will be. It is forces like these that our group combats."

"How… How can you fight something like… Like that?!" Sticks demanded.

"It's not quite as bad as you might think. There are numerous organizations dedicated to protecting the multiverse, of which we are but one," Athair assured the badger. "Our methods and recruitment processes differ from most of them, but given the sheer size and scope of the multiverse, that's hardly unexpected, is it?"

"I suppose not," Sticks admitted. "So, what is it you guys do differently? And again, why me?"

"Getting there. As for the first question…" He reached out with a hand, grasped one of the marbles, and tugged on it. The strands binding it to the marbles around it snapped, and the marble shattered in Athair's hand, causing Sticks to flinch. The loose strands flailed about in confusion for moment, then reached out and wrapped around each other, weaving a knot and holding steady. "Most of the time, when a universe is destroyed, it's not that bad. Well, yes, it's a horrific tragedy, but on a cosmic level? Not that big a deal, and eventually a new universe will be born to replace it." As Sticks watched, a glimmer of light sparked into being in the knot, and slowly grew outwards, turning into a new marble.

"However… That is not always the case." Athair looked around for a moment, and then spotted another marble which was glowing just a little bit brighter than the ones around it. "From time to time, certain universes come into being that have a sort of stabilizing element on the entire multiverse. Power flows from them to the universes surrounding them, maintaining them and keeping them healthy and full of life. There are many names you could call them… Nexus points, keystones, axioms, Primes, nodes, and so forth… Regardless what label they are given, they are of crucial importance to the continuing existence of the multiverse.

"So if something were to happen to them…" Athair reached out and grabbed the marble. He tugged, but unlike the universe before, it didn't break free from the strands. He pulled harder, and harder, and eventually managed to yank it loose…

Along with all the universes it was connected to, and all the universes they were connected to, and all the universes those universes were connected to, and so on, and so on, until hundreds of thousands if not millions of universes ceased to exist, and there was a gaping hole in the fabric of the multiverse. "… Holy crap," Sticks whispered, horrified.

"Yes, rather gruesome, isn't it?" Athair agreed, making a face. He glanced at the skinny Ancient Walker, who once again raised his staff, restoring all the marbles that had just been destroyed. "What our group does is locate these Keystone universes and make sure they're properly defended. While many of these worlds already have powerful heroes to protect them, even they have their limits, especially against the sorts of cosmic evils we regularly deal with. Once we've found one of these universes, we look for individuals that dwell within it who meet our criteria."

"Criteria?" Sticks asked.

"Like most omnibenevolent omnipotent beings granting unfathomable cosmic power to lesser beings, we have strict guidelines determining who and what we're willing to bestow our gifts to. Making the wrong decision can have horrific consequences for the entire multiverse," Athair explained. "The people we tend to choose are those whose minds work a bit… Differently from everyone else. Others might call them crazy, or idiots, or deluded fools because they see things that nobody else can, things that don't quite fit in with the way the world is believed to work. Most the time, those people really are crazy or idiots or deluded fools. However… That is not always the case. Every now and then, a person is born with the capacity to glimpse, albeit imperfectly, the greater reality beyond their own, perceiving a fraction of the way the world really works, and their place in it. I was one such person, back when I was alive.

"And you, Sticks, are another."

"I am?!" Sticks asked in surprise, startled.

"Oh yes, indeed you are. All your life, haven't you felt as if your awareness of the world isn't the same as everyone else? Haven't you always felt like you were being watched from afar, by entities you were unable to spot no matter how hard you looked?" Athair asked.

"Well, yeah," Sticks admitted. "But I kind of assumed it was the government spying on me. And, well, you, I suppose."

"It was," Athair agreed. "But it wasn't just us. Beyond the furthest veil of reality, past even the reach of the Ancient Watchers, are the beings that truly shape and govern reality as we know it. They watch us, make us, love us, hate us, and sometimes even destroy us. You've been subconsciously aware of them all your life, and because of that awareness, you have a better insight, more than anyone else in your world, of how the world truly works… And how you can use it to your advantage."

For long moment, Sticks was stunned as she considered this. Finally, she said, "You know, I feel like I should be surprised by this. That I should be feeling some sort of horrifying existential dread at the knowledge that the world is not only bigger that I could ever imagine, but there are so many entities so completely beyond my comprehension watching me. Watching all of us. But… Deep down, I think I always knew. Huh. Maybe that's why I've always had such a strong suspicion of so-called authority figures and the incessant hatred of being watched."

Athair nodded. "Yes, most with your particular abilities feel the same way. Well, somehow failing to feel any particular existential dread, not the hyper paranoia. Most of them are okay with that, though it might be because they're all little bit crazy, which seems to be a bit of prerequisite for this level of perception. Or perhaps it's because of it? Chicken and the egg…" He shrugged. "Regardless, there are actually many in your world that possesses some degree of this awareness, but it's rarely consistent, surfacing for brief moments, usually when it's most humorous, for whatever reason. You, however, are ALWAYS aware, which is both a blessing and a curse, depending on how you want to look at it."

"Yeah, I could see that," Sticks agreed. "This ability got a name?"

Athair nodded. "There are many names for it, but the most popular, in my opinion, is the literary term called 'Breaking the Fourth Wall.'"

"What wall?" Asked the confused Sticks.

…

"Yeah, what wall?" Knuckles interrupted.

"The fourth wall is a performance convention in which an invisible, imagined wall separates actors from the audience. While the audience can see through this "wall", the convention assumes, the actors act as if they cannot," Tails spoke up. "Breaking the fourth wall" is any instance in which this performance convention, having been adopted more generally in the drama, is violated. This can be done through either directly referencing the audience, the play as a play, or the characters' fictionality. The temporary suspension of the convention in this way draws attention to its use in the rest of the performance. This act of drawing attention to a play's performance conventions is metatheatrical. A similar effect of metareference is achieved when the performance convention of avoiding direct contact with the camera, generally used by actors in a television drama or film, is temporarily suspended. The phrase "breaking the fourth wall" is used to describe such effects in those media. Breaking the fourth wall is also possible in other media, such as video games, TV, movies, and books."

"I understood almost none of that," Knuckles complained.

"Breaking the fourth wall is when a fictional character draws attention to the fact that they're fictional instead of continuing to act as if they really exist in their own self-contained world," Shadow explained.

"Oh, like when the characters in the TV shows I watch sometimes talk to me?" The echidna asked.

"Yes, except in your case it's because your television is cursed. Most of the time when a character on TV addresses the audience, you aren't actually able to hold conversations with them," Rouge pointed out.

"Oh. Yeah, that would make sense," Knuckles agreed. "They probably don't try to kill you, either."

"… Are you sure you want to keep that thing, Knux?" Sonic asked uncertainly.

"Are you kidding? There's no way I'd be able to get a deal as good as this one on a non-cursed TV!" Knuckles replied indignantly. "Plus, the cable bill would probably be astronomical. And don't even get me started on the reception."

"While I could probably rig something up for him, he makes a good point," Tails confessed.

"Wait wait wait. If Breaking the Fourth Wall is an actual real-life ability instead of something that just happens on TV or in books and games and the like, wouldn't that imply that WE'RE all fictional?" Asked an alarmed Vector.

They all took a long moment to consider this. From the looks on their faces, they didn't much like the implications. Sticks grimaced. "Oh boy. Okay, before anyone starts getting existential and contemplating the meaning of their existences or making declarations about how they're totally real people, control their own fate, their decisions are their own, they aren't being observed by millions of faceless individuals they'll never be able to meet, and their every thought and action totally aren't being dictated by some 30-year-old archivist using less than perfect voice-to-text software to try and avoid straining his hands, let's just move on to the important stuff, okay?"

"Wait, what was that last part?" asked a confused Sonic.

"Actually, I have a few questions-" Tails spoke up.

"MOVING ON," Sticks shouted.

…

"Oh, so that's what the fourth wall is," Sticks said after Athair finished telling her more or less what Tails had.

Athair nodded. "Yes, and we purposefully sought out you and others like you, individuals who have the potential to not only be aware of but break the fourth wall, because your ability to understand the truth of our reality makes you ideal for the sort of task we would ask of you. Since you have a better understanding than anyone else in your world of how things really are, you are much more aware of the kinds of reality-shattering threats which could conceivably threaten your existence, threats that wouldn't just destroy you, but erase you so thoroughly it would be as if you would never have existed. And it is for that reason we wish to ask you to join us, the Dominion."

…

"What, you mean that interstellar empire ruled by shapeshifters from Star Trek?" Asked a confused Vector.

"No relation," Sticks said testily.

"No offense, but that name doesn't exactly sound like what you would call a group of multiversal guardians," Blaze commented.

"That's what I said!" Sticks grumbled.

…

"… No offense, but that sounds more like the name for an evil empire than a group of multiversal guardians," Sticks said skeptically, growing wary of her hosts once again.

"No offense taken. The word 'Dominion' has two meanings," Athair explained. "One is sovereignty or control, while the other is the territory of a sovereign or government. We do not rule over the multiverse, but we do try and safeguard it. We position our agents on worlds that belong to them, and so could be considered their dominion. I admit, the name does have a somewhat negative connotation, but my Masters seemed really insistent on it for some reason, and trust me, it's not easy to change their minds."

"Oh," Sticks replied, uncertain.

The pterodactyl spread its wings, and a ring of 12 glowing symbols of different colors and shapes appeared before it. Several of the symbols shot off into the multiverse, many vanishing from sight but a few hovering around some of the universe-marbles. "As I've said before, we protect the multiverse by ensuring the stability and well-being of the 'Keystone' universes which support countless others. Our agents who guard those nodes are always locals, and all of them possess the 'fourth wall' ability, which they use to keep their homes safe, often without their friends and family knowing. However, every now and then a very special individual arises whose attunement to the cosmic truths of reality is so great that they have potential far outstripping all others in their world with a similar awareness. Whenever one of those special beings starts to waken into their true power, we seek them out and offer them the chance to be one of the 12 members of the Dominion who are fit to bear the 'Stigmata,' receiving vast cosmic powers beyond mortal comprehension and swearing to use them only to protect their worlds in the event of a catastrophe of existential proportions."

…

"What's a stigmata?" Cream asked.

"Stigmata is a term used by members of the Christian faith to describe body marks, sores, or sensations of pain in the locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus Christ," Tails explained.

"The Ancient Walkers are Christian?" Asked a confused Mighty.

Rouge laughed. "Please, the Walkers far predate that false-"

"Let's not open that can of worms," Shadow interrupted quickly.

"So what's the stigmata in this instance, then?" Blaze inquired.

"It's a special mark they put on my body that they used to infuse me with the infinite power of the cosmos," Sticks explained.

"Can we see it?" Charmy asked.

"No," the badger said flatly.

"Did it hurt getting it?" Cream asked in concern.

"Yes," Sticks said, still flat.

"O-oh," the rabbit said nervously.

…

"And I'm guessing you think I'm one of these 'special' individuals?" Sticks asked. "Because my fourth-wall awareness or whatever is higher than everyone else in my world?"

Athair nodded. "That's the gist of it, yes."

Sticks frowned. "Why 12? I mean, the multiverse is a pretty freaking big place, shouldn't you have more?"

"While 12 isn't an ideal number to cover the entire multiverse, remember that we do our best to ensure that each node universe has one of our agents protecting it," Athair explained. "And now, of course, you're wondering why we don't simply grant ALL of them unfathomable cosmic power, instead of just a few."

"Pretty much, yeah," Sticks admitted.

"We tried that in the past," Athair said with a grimace. "It didn't end well."

"No?" Sticks asked.

"People like us, as I'm sure you are more than well aware, are not exactly… Stable. Now, imagine if there were millions of people like you, and every single one of them had the power to reshape or completely reality as you know it," Athair told her.

Sticks did imagine it. She grimaced. "Yyyyyyeah, kinda see your point there. The damage was bad, I take it?"

"Let's just say that the multiverse used to be even BIGGER and leave it at that," Athair said flatly. Sticks winced. "The Walkers were eventually able to settle on 12 as the ideal number to bestow this power on. Just enough to be manageable, without having to worry about leaving the defenders of the multiverse underhanded. They also set a few other restrictions, like how they can't use their full power within their own universe, and, in fact, are not even AWARE that they possess this power unless they're 'triggered' by the handlers we assigned to them."

"Wait, you're saying that if I work for you guys, I have to be a sleeper agent?" Sticks asked, alarmed.

"Basically, yes," Athair admitted.

"And, given what you know about my feelings towards conspiracies and my own mind being compromised, I should agree to this because…?" Sticks asked pointedly.

"Would YOU trust yourself with having access to unfathomable cosmic power at your fingertips all the time and not worry that you'd abuse it or lose control of it?" Athair asked, equally pointed.

Sticks considered this. "Fair point," she conceded grudgingly.

"And aside from that, the powers you would receive are so great that if you were to overuse them even a little bit within your own world, you run the risk of destroying your universe completely, and all connected to it" Athair continued.

"If they're that dangerous, why give them out at all? Or just tone them down a bit?" Sticks inquired.

"That's been tried before in the past, as well," Athair explained. "And trust me when I say that against some of the things we go up against, this level of power is just the bare minimum necessary to harm them."

"Yikes," the badger gulped.

The pterodactyl flapped its wings again, and faces started to form in some of the floating symbols, though others remained blank. Five of them, a man wearing a red mask with black rings around his white eyes; a man dressed like a green and yellow insect; some kind of pink pony; a man in blue full body armor with a yellow visor; and a blue-skinned bald man with small head spikes, glasses, and a beard looked at her and waved. Sticks awkwardly waved back. "If you were to join us, you would receive the title of '4th Dominion: Gaia's Sanctum.' We believe that the powers associated with this role are ideal for you. You are similar in temperament to the last person who wielded them."

Sticks blinked. "Wait, last person? What happened to her?"

Athair hesitated, and then licked his lips nervously. "We, ah, don't know."

There was a pause. "You don't know," Sticks said flatly.

"No," Athair admitted.

"But… Aren't your bosses-" Sticks asked in confusion, glancing at the Ancient Walkers.

"Virtually omniscient beings capable of perceiving everything and everyone in the multiverse simultaneously? Yes," Athair finished.

"And they have no idea what happened to her," Sticks repeated.

"No, they don't," Athair confirmed.

"… That's fucking terrifying," Sticks said finally.

"Yes, it is," Athair agreed.

"And could something like that happen to me if I join your little club?!" Sticks demanded.

Athair sighed. "Sticks, I'm not going to lie to you. This job is not always the safest of careers."

"That's an understatement," the badger snorted.

"The forces we frequently combat are more dangerous than you are currently capable of imagining. Sometimes, Stigmata bearers can go their entire lives without having to call upon their powers to defend their worlds. Other times, they spend their entire lives fighting, and meet a messy, unpleasant end," Athair said bluntly. "Or, in the case of your predecessor, experience a fate so incomprehensible even we don't know what happened. Great power may come with great responsibility, but with great responsibility comes great risks, and no guarantee that you'll live to old age."

"Not exactly selling your case here," Sticks said flatly.

"However, as dangerous a job as this is, it's still one that absolutely needs to be done," Athair continued. "Without the hard work and yes, often sacrifices, of those who have come before you, the world as you know it would not exist. You've said that you don't care about protecting the people of the multiverse, people you've never met before and who have never met you. That's understandable. But can you honestly tell me that there's nobody in your world that you would not give everything to protect? Nobody you care about enough to risk everything to make sure they continue to breathe?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly a popular person back home," Sticks said unhappily.

"Maybe not, but there are still people whose lives you've made a difference to," Athair pointed out. "People who have a better chance of survival thanks to your actions so far. People who care about you. Can you truly tell me that you don't care enough about them to save them from a terrible fate, if it were in your power to do so?"

Sticks wanted to tell him that no, she didn't. But she knew that was a lie. There were the seahorses of Undersealandia, who'd been so grateful for her actions in rescuing Eddard and saving their city they'd made a statue of her, promised to patrol the seas and eliminate conspiracies in her name, and even offered a place for her in their realm if the surface world ever turned on her. There were the snails, who had believed in her and trusted her to be their savior, who had encouraged her to go to the surface to prevent the Froglodytes from escaping the underground realm, even if it meant they themselves might die without her there to lead them.

And her parents… Were they still alive? Had they bought return tickets back from the vacation and come home only to find a smoldering ruin, and no sign of either their children? Did they think she was dead? She'd been so afraid to find out, that she hadn't bothered trying to look, for fear of what the answer might be. Although her childhood before the jungle was so long ago she could barely remember it, she knew that she had loved them, and they had loved her.

But did she love them enough to do this?

"If I say no," she said finally. "What happens?"

"As I promised, we will send you back to your island, with a significant boost to your pre-existing fourth wall abilities as well as an unlimited supply of tinfoil hats," Athair told her. "And you shall have no memory that any of this happened. You will remain blissfully unaware of the greater multiverse, and the greater dangers that threaten it."

"And what will happen to my world?" She asked.

"It will not go undefended, if that's what you're asking. As I said before, there are many on your world that has a degree of fourth wall power. We will reach out to them, and one of them will agree to join us. Someone always does," Athair informed her.

"And will any of them be able to wield this Stigma thingy?" Sticks asked.

"Stigmata. And no. People like you, with an affinity for the flow of the cosmos strong enough to be able to accept the Stigmata and its power, are incredibly rare, only appearing once every hundred million generations," Athair explained.

"So someone will protect my world, but they won't be able to protect it as well as I could," Sticks stated.

Athair nodded. "That is correct."

Sticks thought of the unknowable fate that had befallen the last person to hold the rank of Fourth Dominion. She thought of the darkness that had engulfed the multiverse, and of the gaping hole that had been left behind when Athair had removed that single marble. She thought of the people in her life that she had some modicum of affection for, and imagined them being snuffed out as easily as all those countless universes had. Most them probably wouldn't even know it was happening until it was too late, and they ceased to exist. Some might say was more merciful that way. Sticks, on the other hand, would rather know her death when she saw it rather than be taken by surprise.

And so it was, finally, that she asked, "If I do this, will I be in a better position to prevent the upcoming robot apocalypse?"

"And all the others, yes," Athair said.

She sighed. "Fuck. Fine. I'll do it."

"Are you absolutely certain?" Athair asked. "Because once you make this decision, there is no going back. You will bear the Stigmata, and all the power and burden that comes with it, until the day you die. And like I said, it might not necessarily be a peaceful death."

"I'm a wild girl with a tendency to battle conspiracies and get wrapped up in insane adventures. I was never going to have a peaceful death," Sticks said bitterly. "Do it. Make me a stigmatist or whatever before I can change my mind."

"Very well," Athair said, bowing his head. The pterodactyl flapped its wings, and all but one of the symbols disappeared. "Sticks the Badger," the echidna proclaimed as the symbol, a complex mandala of green leaves and vines, floated towards her. "We offer you the role of Fourth Dominion: Gaia's Sanctum. Do you accept this role, and everything that comes with it?"

"Yeah. I do," Sticks said grimly.

Athair glanced at the Ancient Walkers, who all raised their appendages. Energy started crackling around them, and their forms wavered, the shallow illusions making up their bodies beginning to give way to something… Else, something greater, something unfathomable. The symbol before Sticks began to glow brighter and brighter as power rippled off of it, warping the air around it and sending tremors down her back. Without warning, it shot towards her, pressing itself into her body and causing her to scream louder then she'd ever screamed before as every single quark in her body flared up in agonizing, incomprehensible pain…

"Welcome to the Dominion, Sticks."

And then, she saw everything.

…

"What happened after that is not a tale that I can put into words. Nor should I," Sticks said solemnly to her enraptured audience. "I spent a while in that realm, being trained and educated in how to use my power. Maybe an eternity or two. They introduced me to my handler, Perci, and bonded me to her so that whenever I was needed, she would be able to 'awaken' me so that I could use my true powers in defense of my world. Once we'd finally finished, my memories were sealed, and we were sent back to my universe, only moments after I'd left it…"

"Wait, they dumped you back in the Bermuda triangle?" Amy interjected, startled.

"What? No! That would be stupid!" Sticks cried, indignant. "They dropped us off at Seaside Island."

…

"Hey. Hey! Are you all right?"

"Huh? Wh…whuzzat?" Sticks groaned, staring blearily at the world as she woke up to find the sun blazing in her eyes and causing her head to explode in pain, though thankfully an incredibly beautiful lavender-furred bandicoot leaned into view to block out the sun, earning her Sticks' undying adoration. She expressed this by screaming at the top of her lungs, flailing her arms wildly, and scurrying back across the sand (oh, so she was on a beach) in alarm. "Who the heck are you?! What did you do to me?!"

"Whoa, chill," the bandicoot stated she took a step back, raising her hands at non-threateningly. She had a short pale peach muzzle, a thin tail, a short brown snout, and possessed shoulder-length hair that resembled hedgehog quills with violet tips and a few bangs on her forehead. Her attire consisted of a red scarf around the back of her head, a purple, sleeveless hoodie with torn shoulders, a white undershirt, brown and fingerless gloves, brown straps around her upper arms, amethyst jeans and tan boots with fluffy white cuffs and strings for bands. She carried a belt around her waist with a Wrench holstered on it. "I didn't do anything to you. I found you here washed up on the beach just a second ago. Are you okay?"

Sticks grunted as she managed to sit up, rubbing her aching head and squinting as the far-to-bright sunlight pierced her eyes. "About as okay as someone who just washed up on a beach could be, I guess. Where the heck am I?"

"Seaside Island," the bandicoot told her. "I know, I know, it's kind of a redundant name, but we aren't very good at naming things around here. Heck, the town I come from is called 'Unnamed Village!'"

Sticks blinked in surprise. "Seaside Island? That's where I was trying to go! Huh, a dimensional vortex must've spit me out right here. How oddly convenient." She frowned. Things rarely conveniently happened favorably towards her.

"Dimensional vortex?" The bandicoot asked in confusion.

"I got sucked into the Bermuda triangle on my way here after saving an undersea civilization of intelligent seahorses living on the back of a giant crab from a horde of whale Pirates led by an evil whale God with the help of a not-as-evil shark God," Sticks explained.

"Huh. Neat," the bandicoot commented.

Sticks glared at the bandicoot. "If you don't believe me, just say so. You don't need to humor me."

The bandicoot shrugged. "Well, it does sound pretty outlandish, but our town is routinely attacked by a rotund mad scientist at least once a week and gets repelled by a hedgehog that can run really fast, a Fox who can somehow fly, another hedgehog with a big hammer, and an incredibly stupid echidna, so I suppose anything's possible."

Sticks regarded the bandicoot warily. She seemed nice and reasonable, but by this point Sticks was far too suspicious of people trying to be friendly to her just accept her off the bat. "I've seen weirder."

"I believe it. What's your name?" The bandicoot asked curiously.

"Who's asking?!" Sticks snarled, her hackles rising.

"Perci the bandicoot," the bandicoot said calmly.

"… Sticks the Badger," Sticks said grudgingly.

Perci smiled, making her face look even lovelier. "Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Sticks. Do you need medical attention? I could take you to town, though admittedly I'm not entirely sure I trust our Doctor…"

"I don't do towns," Sticks grunted, getting to her feet and brushing the sand off her legs. "Thanks but no thanks, I can find my way home from here."

Perci shrugged. "Well, if you're sure. Still, I hope you change your mind. It'd be nice seeing someone like you in town. You know, if you really have done crazy things like you said you did, those Village defenders I mentioned earlier might be able to make use of someone with your talents."

"Yeah, don't count on it," Sticks said, turning and heading for the jungle.

"Think it over," Perci called to Sticks. "Oh, and if you do come to town, don't eat at Meh Burger if you can help it, I'm not entirely sure the stuff they serve there is actually food. Also, you should keep an eye out for my identical twin sister Staci, she's as evil as I am good."

Sticks paused, and then glanced back over her shoulder, an eyebrow raised in skepticism. "Really? You have an evil twin?"

Perci chuckled. "Nah. If anything I'd say that, if I were—hypothetically speaking, of course—a servant of good, she'd be a servant of…well, chaos."

Sticks found herself thinking of her own brother briefly. She didn't think about him often. It hurt too much. "Whatever," the badger grumbled, turning away again and stomping off in the direction of her burrow. "I might come into town if I really need to, but don't hold your breath."

Perci's smile didn't fade as the badger vanished into the jungle. "Oh, I get the feeling I'll be seeing you a lot more than you might think in the future… Fourth Dominion."

…

"Wait, I'm confused. I thought you said your memories of being some interdimensional cosmic superhero were sealed when you returned home. How are you able to talk to us about them now?" Asked a perplexed Rouge.

"Well, she said that she was in the middle of a great battle for the fate of the multiverse before coming here. Maybe the threat was great enough that her memories and powers were unsealed to deal with it?" Blaze suggested.

"Huh? What are you talking about? What memories and powers?" Sticks asked in confusion.

Everyone looked at her, bewildered. "The… The super powers granted to you by my ancestor and a bunch of dinosaurs in cool masks? The ones you just spent the last several minutes talking about?" Knuckles said, befuddled.

"I have no idea what you're talking. I think if I'd met your ancestor and a bunch of dinosaurs in cool masks, I would remember it," Sticks said suspiciously.

"But… But you just told us about all that! And there was a big flashback and everything!" Protested a confused Mighty.

"No there wasn't," Sticks said.

"Yes there was!" Mighty protested.

"Yeah, and there were marbles, and freaky tattoos, and cool visual effects, and I'm pretty sure one of the characters from Espio's favorite show was in there for some reason," Charmy recalled.

"Sh-shut up," the chameleon hissed.

"Seriously guys, I don't know you're talking about. Usually when someone isn't making sense around here, it's me!" Sticks said, folding her arms and frowning at them.

"But you just got finished telling us about it! And how that really hot bandicoot is actually your handler or something!" Vector insisted.

"What hot bandicoot?" Sticks asked, dumbfounded.

"Perci!" The crocodile yelled.

"What? Don't be ridiculous, Perci's not my handler! She's just some girl I run into now and then. And why would I need a handler? I'm not a secret agent or anything like that. I'm a free spirit! Well, except when I work together with my friends, that is," Sticks conceded. "Which is often. But still!"

"But… But!" Vector stammered.

"Grunkle Shadow, I don't understand. She just told us about all that. Why she acting like she didn't?" Cream asked the black hedgehog.

"I'm… Not actually sure," Shadow confessed.

"Maybe she's actually just completely insane?" Silver sneered.

"Dude, what is your problem with her?" Sonic asked, getting irritated.

"She showed up out of the blue just as I was about to embark on my incredibly important mission to save all of time and space and started telling us some incredibly cockamamie story about all the preposterous things she has allegedly done over the course of her life when all of us have more important things to do! I think I'm fully justified in having a problem with her!" Silver snapped back.

"Maybe the seal on her memories is imperfect? It's possible she remembers the truth some of the time, but the rest, she doesn't?" Tails suggested.

"Or, more likely, she's completely insane!" Silver stated again.

"I'm starting to think you guys are the insane ones. I honestly have no idea what you're talking about," Sticks complained.

"You JUST told us!" Vector bellowed.

"And for the last time, NO I DIDN'T!" she bellowed back.

Blaze sighed. "This is getting us nowhere."

Amy gasped and snapped her fingers. "Wait, I know! Omega, you're recording everything, aren't you?"

"WHAT? NO-I-AM-NOT. WHY-WOULD-YOU-EVER-THINK-I-WOULD-DO-SOMETHING-LIKE-THAT?" Omega denied very unconvincingly.

"Because if you're streaming all of this, it only stands to reason that you're recording it as well for blackmail purposes," Blaze pointed out.

"… DAMMIT. YOU-GOT-ME-THERE," Omega admitted grudgingly.

"Wait a minute, he's been recording and streaming all this?! People all over the world know about me and my history?! I KNEW he was evil! I'm gonna kill him!" Sticks screamed angrily, whipping out a staff.

"No, wait, hold on! This can prove what we've been trying to tell you!" Amy insisted quickly. "Omega, play back everything she said about how she encountered Athair and the Ancient Walkers and became a Guardian of the multiverse!"

"I-WOULD-LOVE-TO… IF-I-HAD-ANY-IDEA-WHAT-YOU-WERE-TALKING-ABOUT," said the confused Omega.

"Oh, come on!" Vector yelled indignantly, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

Shadow frowned. "Omega, we've been talking about this for the last several minutes. You have no memory of it at all?"

"NO, I-DO-NOT," Omega reported. "OTHER-THAN-YOU-ALL-SAYING-IT-HAPPENED, ANYWAY."

"… Okay, this is getting a little worrying. Just Sticks not remembering is weird, but Omega too?" Tails murmured, concerned. "Something fishy is going on."

"Omega, run a diagnostic on your memory banks," Rouge ordered.

"ACKNOWLEDGED." Omega's eyes flashed briefly. "THAT-IS…ODD."

"What is?" Blaze asked instantly.

"THERE-IS-A-SIGNIFICANT-DISCREPANCY-IN-MY-SHORT-TERM-MEMORY-STORAGE. AS-IF-EVERYTHING-FOR-A-SEVERAL-MINUTE-SPAN-WAS-ERASED-WITHOUT-MY-KNOWLEDGE. CONSIDERING-MY-FIREWALLS, THAT-SHOULD-NOT-BE-POSSIBLE," the robot reported. "SIMILARLY, MY-STREAMING-FEED-HAS-BEEN-INTERRUPTED-FOR-A-PERIOD-OF-TIME-PRECISELY-MATCHING-THIS-DISCREPANCY-IN-MY-MEMORY-BANKS. WHILE-NORMALLY-THIS-COULD-BE-CHALKED-UP-TO-A-FAILURE-IN-MY-WI-FI, CONSIDERING-THE-MEMORY-ISSUE-IT-IS-MORE-LIKELY-THAT-SOMEONE-DID-NOT-WANT-ME-TO-REMEMBER-THE-LAST-SEVERAL-MINUTES, NOR-ALLOW-THE-REST-OF-THE-WORLD-TO-KNOW-WHAT-WAS-BEING-SAID-DURING-THOSE-MINUTES." There was a pause. "ALARMINGLY, MY-FEED-WENT-DOWN-AGAIN-THE-MINUTE I-STARTED-TALKING-ABOUT-THIS. I-AM-RUNNING-A-VIRUS-SCAN-AND-CHECKING-FOR-ANY-SECURITY-BREACHES, BUT-SO-FAR-I-AM-NOT-DETECTING-ANY-KIND-OF-TAMPERING… AND-YET, SUCH-TAMPERING-MUST-HAVE-OCCURRED."

"… Okay, that's fucking spooky," Charmy said after a moment, clearly startled.

"What the heck is going on?" Asked a disturbed Sonic.

"It sounds as if someone or something doesn't want the rest of the world knowing about the people Sticks works for," Silver observed. He grimaced. "And now I'm starting to sound like her. Wonderful."

"But who could possibly do that?" Cream asked, worried.

"The Ancient Walkers," Blaze stated.

Rouge nodded in agreement. "Yes, if I were them, I wouldn't exactly want people going around blabbing information about them to anyone who might listen."

"But then why haven't they erased our memories, too?" Amy asked.

"I don't know, but perhaps we should quickly change the subject before they decide to correct this oversight?" Espio suggested anxiously.

"That is an incredibly good idea," Knuckles agreed. "Hey, Sticks! Moving on from this completely unimportant topic, what did you do after getting back to your island?"

"Huh? Well, I returned to my burrow, of course," said the confused badger.

"MY-FEED-IS-BACK-UP," Omega reported. "IT-SEEMS-AS-IF-YOU-WERE-ON-THE-RIGHT-TRACK."

"Let's keep it that way," Tails said quickly. "And what did you do when you got home?"

"Well, after I chased out the squatters and fixed the place up again to my liking, I prepared to begin my life of solitary vigilance, guarding the Gateway to the Froglodytes caverns and preparing for the upcoming fight against the robot Apocalypse, the illuminati, and every other evil group that I knew intended to take over or destroy the world," Sticks recounted. "But then I got bored, and, despite my best judgment, wound up wandering into town to see what it was like."

…

"So, this is Unnamed Village," Sticks observed, glancing around the town. It seemed pleasant enough, with lots of huts made of wood with thatched conical roofs, a few larger buildings made totally out of stone, several storefronts, a waterwheel, and lots of palm trees providing shade for benches and tables. Various anthropomorphic animal people like her were wandering around, going about their day. "Seems… Nice. Kinda open to attack, though. I mean, seriously, I didn't see even a single booby-trap or defense system on the way in!"

"Yeah, we used to have some but the mayor cut funding to them so he could buy a new yacht," a familiar lavender bandicoot commented as she walked up. "Hey, Sticks. Was wondering if I'd see you again."

"Yeah, well, don't make a big deal out of it, I'm not going to be here for long," Sticks grunted. "Just wanted to check the place out." She hesitated, and then gave the bandicoot a suspicious look. "Wait, you are Perci, right? Not her twin sister?"

"Yes, I am, though granted, if I were Staci I probably lie to you and tell you that I was Perci because that's the sort of thing she gets off on," Perci said with a good-natured chuckle. "But let's say for argument's sake that I am, indeed, Perci. Or, if you like, you can assume that I'm actually Staci and trying to fool you and remain completely suspicious of everything I say or do while I'm here."

"Oh, way ahead of you on that, sister," Sticks assured her.

"Cool. So, while you're here, want a tour?" Perci offered.

"Well, suppose it can't hurt to get the lay of the land," Sticks admitted grudgingly. "All right, but I've got my eye on you!"

"Well, of course you would, how else would you be able to follow me?" Perci pointed out. "Come on, let me show you around."

And so for the next hour so, Sticks followed Perci as she showed her all of the town's most interesting features, such as the build-it-yourself furniture store…

"Why don't they just give you the furniture premade?"

"Because the store owners get a sick pleasure out of watching their customers try and fail to build the furniture themselves and have to shell out extra for help putting it together because an important part just so happens to be missing. A part, coincidentally, that whoever they send over to help build it just so happens to have on hand."

"Devious."

The library…

"Almost everyone hates this place."

"Really? Why?"

"Too quiet, no TV."

"Huh. I'm actually not that fond of libraries myself, mainly because I'm pretty sure most of what's written in 'em is lies. And the pages are coated with a substance that makes people dumber and more susceptible to doing whatever they're told."

"…I'd say that's ridiculous, but considering the average education level and gullibility of the townspeople these days…"

The television studio…

"This is where most of our shows and programs are filmed and broadcast, including local comedian and celebrity, Comedy Chimp."

"Is he funny?"

"Not really."

"Eh, I don't watch TV anyway. Too many subliminal mind-control waves."

"Trust me, Comedy Chimp's attempts at humor are way too obvious for that. I don't think he even knows what subtlety means."

The DangerCo Deadly Equipment Warehouse…

"This is where all the supervillains in the tri-Village area by their equipment and weapons."

"That… Sounds like an absolutely horrible idea! Who the heck would approve something that stupid?!"

"The mayor thought it would improve the town's revenue. It did, but on a completely unrelated note our insurance rates are now through the roof, so it didn't really make much of a difference."

"What an idiot."

"Yeah, he's probably the worst politician our village has ever had. Unfortunately, nobody actually cares enough to run against him, so he's pretty much unopposed."

"And this is why I'm an anarchist."

"Given the current political state in most of the world these days, I don't blame you."

Town Hall…

"Speaking of our least favorite politician, this is where he works. It also doubles as his mansion, the town courthouse, and is usually where we hold special events or classes."

"Pretty multifunctional for a seat of government corruption."

"Yeah, well, it's the biggest building in town, so it has to do a lot of extra duty. Oh, it's also the power station, but that's supposed to be secret, so you didn't hear from me. As such, if you feel like blowing it up, I would advise against it if you don't want the whole town going into a panic due to loss of power."

"What kind of anarchist you think I am? I don't blow up buildings! Well, not unless there's evil robots inside of them or anything."

"…Uh, right. Well. Moving on…"

The marketplace…

"And this is where you'd go if you have anything you need to buy, like groceries, television, other stuff…."

"Considering that I can get most of my food in the wild, I doubt I'd ever have a reason to ever get anything from here. Also I don't have any money."

"Hmm, that is a problem. A shame, even if the prices can be bit… Much, there are some surprisingly nice things here. Like the spa and cosmetics shop, for instance."

"You know, I've always wondered, why is it that people charge tons of money for a mud bath when there's tons of free mud out in the wilderness?"

"A riddle for the ages, I suppose."

The post office…

"And this is where we go whenever we want to send a letter or package, or spend ages in line waiting to complain about a letter or package getting misdelivered."

"Why is the mailman a turtle? Not to sound racist or anything, but aren't they incredibly slow?"

"It's a visual metaphor for how incompetent and poorly-run the post system is."

"Ah."

The town jail…

"We hardly ever use this place. Not because we rarely get crime, but because it's ridiculously easy to break out of. My sister's been in and out of there more times than I can count."

"I can tell its rubbish just by looking at it. I've escaped more secure government facilities then this."

"Yeah, but I hear they might do some renovation in the future. Might be a bit tougher to break out of."

"Yeah, well, we'll see about that."

The youth center…

"This place gets threatened with closure or demolition, actually closed or demolished, then reopened and rebuilt several times a month. It's getting to the point the youth are lucky to actually get a chance to use the place."

"Won't anyone ever think of the children?"

"No."

And last but unfortunately least, Meh Burger.

"Behold, Meh Burger. The food is terrible and the service is even worse. Complaint forms are used as spare napkins, there's an actual code of conduct which is never followed, few of the meals actually contain real food and not even wild animals want to eat them, and the toys are so cheaply made with such sharp corners they're actually health hazards. Also the intern who runs the joint is literally the worst. Not even my sister will touch him, and you wouldn't believe some of the guys she's dated. Most people who've eaten here compared it to a dump or a rat hole, but then decided that was offensive to dumps or rat holes."

"Sounds horrible."

"It is. And yet, astonishingly, it's insanely successful. Mainly because it's literally the only place in town, so nobody really has anywhere else to go. Rumor has it they've got a VIP area in back where they serve food that's actually good, but naturally it's inaccessible to the likes of us."

"Tch. Typical elitist classism."

"Pretty much. So," Perci said, turning to Sticks. "Now that you've seen the village, what do you think of it?"

"Honestly, I like it even less than I did when I first got here," Sticks complained.

Perci grimaced. "Yeah, that's fair. Still, at least we aren't the Gogobas."

"Gogo-whats?" Sticks asked in confusion.

"Trust me, you're better off not knowing." Glancing over Sticks' shoulder, Perci's eyes widened in interest. "Before you decide to head off back to the jungle and never return, you might want to check this out."

"Huh?" Sticks turned around and saw that nearby were four individuals seated at a table with bored and irritated looks on their faces, a banner stating 'United Village Defenders of the Village Tryouts' hanging above their heads.

One was a blue hedgehog with a pair of white gloves with cuffs and a pair of red sneakers with white cuffs, grey soles, and a rectangular gold buckle on top, along with white sports tape wrapped around the palms of his gloves, the heels of his sneakers, and his lower forearms and legs, and a brown neckerchief. Strapped to his wrist was a gray triangular device with round corners and a black touchpad with a cyan outline of a triangle with an extra cyan outline around each corner in the middle of it.

Next to him was a yellow Fox with two tails, a pair of brown goggles with orange lenses on his head, a brown work belt with a strap around his shoulder and a small buckle adorned with a signature symbol, and white medium-long gloves with no cuffs. He also wore red sneakers with white toes and cuffs, which had white sports tape wrapped around the middle, and a golden circular bezel with small red and green wires on the side and a yellow touchpad wrapped around his wrist.

Next to him was another hedgehog, this one pink, with a red hairband and a red one-piece top with a white collar, yellow buttons on her left side and a lavender sarashi around her waist. She also wore white gloves, purple sports tape and golden ring bracelets around her wrists, purple stockings, and red-violet shoes with pink soles and toes, gray straps and pink plate with two yellow buttons on top. On her wrist was a lightbulb-shaped golden pad with a white underside. Its lower half had three dark pink buttons with a white circle on the top one, and on the upper half was a circular pink touchpad with a white frame and light purple semi-circles along the upper edges.

Finally, there was a red… Creature with a rather large torso, broad shoulders and thick muscular arms, making him very top-heavy, with long legs and dreadlocks. There was a white, crescent moon-shaped mark near the top of his chest. He was wearing a pair of red and yellow shoes designed with wrap-like markings that had green cuffs and grey metal plates on top. He also wore gloves with knuckle-spikes on them and had white sports tape wrapped around his hands, the lower half of his arms and legs, and his biceps. Around his wrist was a dark gray square with a touchpad made up of a smaller red square with a gray frame, and on each side was a small red rectangular plate.

…

"Wait a second, is that… Us?" Amy asked, surprised.

"It must be. Who else could it be?" Tails pointed out.

"Yeah, though we seem to have a different sense of taste. What's with all the sports tape?" Sonic wondered.

"And why's the other me so much taller and top-heavy?" Knuckles asked.

"Because he performs almost exclusive upper-body exercises," Sticks explained.

"… Why?" Shadow questioned.

Sticks shrugged.

…

"Who are those guys?" Sticks asked. "And who's the red guy? Never seen anyone like him before."

"Those are the local heroes I mentioned, the ones who protect the village because the mayor cheaped out on security systems and the police force," Perci explained. "Sonic, Tails, Amy Rose, and Knuckles. Knuckles is an echidna."

"An echidna? I thought those were extinct," Sticks commented, surprised.

"He's apparently the last of his kind. He spent most of his life living by himself on Angel Island, until he lost it," Perci told her.

"Lost what?" Sticks asked in confusion.

"The island," Perci said.

There was a pause. "How do you lose an island?!" Sticks asked, incredulous.

"He's not very bright," Perci said bluntly.

…

Everyone looked at Knuckles. "Don't. Even. Start," he snarled through gritted teeth.

…

"Looks like they're having tryouts. I forgot they were doing that today," Perci commented as the four heroes waved away someone who'd been talking at them in frustration. "Doesn't look like it's going so well."

"Tryouts?" Sticks inquired.

"Yeah, the mayor decided to reduce their stipend if they can't get a fifth team member," Perci explained. "So they're holding tryouts to try and find a fifth person to join the team. Unfortunately, pretty much everyone in the village is too weak, apathetic, and/or stupid, otherwise we wouldn't even need them in the first place."

"What about you? You don't seem like any of those things," Sticks commented.

Perci smiled. "I'm flattered you think that way. My family has actually been protecting this region for generations. We're kind of the only ones who do anything around here because, like I said before, everyone else is too lazy and useless. Heroism is sort of a tradition for us; even my sister is more chaotic than actually evil, and we've got some cousins on a different island who routinely battle a mad scientist with a comically large head and an evil tiki mask or something. However, I can't join them because I have… Let's say, other obligations. As I'm sure you know, the world is a big place, and there are things out there a lot worse than some mad scientist showing up to destroy the village at least once a week. The Last Ancient is due to return any month now… My sister and I are part of the reason Eggman is usually the worst thing the people here have to deal with."

"What, he's not that bad?" Sticks asked in confusion.

"If unchecked, yes, but most of the time he's more of a nuisance," Perci said. "It's the times he's not that you have to worry about. Say, maybe you should try out!"

"What?! No way! I don't do well with other people, why the heck would I do that?!" Sticks protested.

"Come on, it could be fun!" Perci insisted. "You could make some friends, have an excuse to get out of that burrow of yours once in a while… Plus, I bet they could use your expertise. If you really did thwart a robot Apocalypse, I bet your experience would come in handy fighting against Doctor Eggman's myriad automatons."

Sticks hesitated. "Automatons? Wait, this Eggman guy uses robots?"

Perci nodded. "Oh yeah, tons of them, and giant mechanized battle suits and vehicles, too!"

The badger cringed. "By tons, do you mean, say, enough to potentially cause a robot Apocalypse?"

Perci considered this. "Well, maybe a small-scale one, but given he always seems to have more of them waiting on standby whenever he feels in the mood to cause some trouble, if he really ramped up production and somehow lost control of them, maybe?"

Dammit. Sticks sighed. "Well played, Perci. Well played. That is, if you really are Perci and not Staci?"

The bandicoot smiled enigmatically. "You will never know for sure."

"Yeah, yeah," Sticks grumbled as she grouchily stomped towards the desk, where the four heroes were currently talking to an ox.

"So, Mike, do you have… Any special talents? Any sort of powers or combat skills that might prove useful against Doctor Eggman's robot horde?" Sonic asked dubiously, as if he didn't really expect a useful answer.

Mike the ox considered this for moment. "Well, no, not really. I run a pet shop and everyday store, but aside from that, I'm pretty average in every way imaginable. I guess you could say I'm just a guy."

Sonic sighed. "Yeah, that's about what I figured."

"We're sorry, but we're not sure you're quite what we're looking for," Amy said apologetically.

Mike shrugged good-naturedly. "Yeah, I figured as much. We still going to the movie later, Knuckles?"

"You know it!" the echidna said cheerfully.

Tails groaned as the ox left. "This really isn't going well, guys. Barely anyone's applied, and none of them are qualified!"

"The only person who had any sort of special talent was Fastidious Beaver," Sonic complained. "And I don't think correcting someone's grammar is ever going to prove useful in a combat situation."

"This is terrible," Amy complained. "If we can't get a fifth team member, the mayor's going to severely reduce our stipend!"

Knuckles gasped. "Oh no! I have no idea what that means."

"It means we'll be getting paid less for saving the village, meaning we won't be able to afford to pay the rent on our houses or buy groceries or anything else important," Tails explained.

"Oh," the echidna said. "Wait, we get paid?"

"… Wait, what did you think those checks they've been giving us were for?" Sonic asked in confusion.

"What's a check?" Knuckles asked.

"Shh, someone's coming!" Amy hissed as Sticks approached. "Hi there!" She said with a too-wide smile. "I don't think we've seen you around here before. Are you new to the village?"

"Well, this my first time here, but I've actually been living just outside the village by myself for a while now," Sticks admitted. "The name's Sticks. Sticks the Badger."

Sonic stirred that. "Sticks? Hey, are YOU that hermit everyone's been talking about?"

"Everyone's been talking about me?!" Sticks shrieked, panicking. "I don't like it when people talk about me! What are they saying?"

"That you're a crazy lady who's been rummaging through people's garbage, setting inconvenient traps all over the place, and yelling at kids to get off her lawn?" Knuckles spoke up.

"Knuckles!" Amy hissed.

"What? That's what they've been saying," the echidna protested.

"Yeah, that about sums me up," Sticks admitted.

"So, what brings you into town?" Tails asked.

"Boredom, mainly. But I hear you guys need a fifth team member or something?" Sticks asked.

"As a matter fact, we do!" Amy said eagerly. "What sort of experience and special skills do you have that might come in handy fighting a mad scientist and his endless horde of evil robots?"

"Excellent survival skills and self-taught hand-to-hand combat skills due to spending almost my entire life fitting for myself in the wilderness, leadership and guerrilla tactics from single-handedly leading a civilization of underground snails against their wicked frog oppressors, resistance to torture and interrogation thanks to spending a significant amount of time being held prisoner by aliens and the government, and saved an underwater city of seahorses living on the back of a giant crab from getting destroyed by whale Pirates and a wicked whale God with the help of a giant shark," Sticks recalled. "Also, I thwarted a robot Apocalypse, which means fighting an Army of robots should be a piece of cake."

Everyone stared at her blankly for a moment. Sticks started fidgeting. They don't believe me. What was I thinking?! This was a stupid idea, I should never have listened to Perci-

"Well, she's got my vote!" Knuckles spoke up suddenly.

Sticks' eyes lit up. "You mean you believe me?"

"Yeah, that sounds awesome!" Knuckles said enthusiastically. "You'd be a big asset to my team!"

"Okay, first of all, it's my team, not yours-" Sonic said in exasperation.

"I don't remember voting on that," Amy muttered.

"Second, you have a habit of believing every single cockamamie story and lie that you come across," the blue hedgehog continued.

"I do not!" Knuckles said indignantly.

"One of our applicants was Eggman in disguise, claiming his name was Steve," Sonic said flatly.

"… It was a really cunning disguise!" Knuckles protested.

"HE WAS WEARING A WIG!" Sonic shouted.

"And a rather ugly one, at that," Tails commented.

…

Everyone glanced at Knuckles. "So, did Eggman ever-" Sonic started.

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT."

…

"You also thought that one guy dressed as a tree was a chameleon," Amy added.

"If he's not a chameleon, then why would he call himself that?!" Knuckles insisted in frustration.

Sticks' heart sank. "Does that mean you don't believe me?"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Amy said diplomatically, which of course meant that she didn't believe her at all. "But those do sound like rather tall claims. I don't suppose you have any proof of these adventures?"

Sticks grimaced. The seahorses had given her a sizable amount of treasure upon leaving their city, but it must've all been lost when she got sucked into the Bermuda triangle. "Other than a few scars and rather awkward places, no, not really. My exploits haven't exactly been the stuff of headlines, namely due to the great media conspiracy covering them up."

"I see," the pink hedgehog said. Sticks winced.

"Is there anything else you can tell us that might convince us to take you on?" Tails asked politely.

"Not likely," Sonic grumbled.

"To be fair, she doesn't seem nearly as useless as pretty much every other applicant we've had," Amy muttered back. "Don't you see the way she carries herself? Even if what he says is implausible, she's clearly seen SOME action, which is more than can be said for pretty much everyone else in town." Sonic frowned at this, considering.

Sticks' mind raced desperately, trying to think of something, anything that might convince them to take her on without making her sound like even more of a madwoman than she already no doubt was in their eyes. "Well… Um… I can throw a boomerang?" She said finally, cringing as she said it, immediately knowing it was the wrong thing to say. Again, why did she think this was a good idea?! Oh wait, she hadn't. Stupid Perci.

Much to her surprise, all four heroes sat up at this. "Show us," Sonic insisted.

Sticks blinked. "Uh, okay." She drew her boomerang and looked around, trying to spot a good target. She noticed that, some distance away, some walrus kid was jumping up and down trying to reach a low hanging fruit in a tree overhead, but it was just out of reach and a well-dressed female walrus who was no doubt his mother was too busy chasing after her infant, crying, "MY BABY!" to help her other son.

Smirking, Sticks through her boomerang. It arced through the air, making a lovely whistling noise as it spun, before slicing through the stem of the fruit and dropping it right into the hands of the delighted child.

It didn't stop there, however, and continued on its way as a snickering weasel bandit ran away from an elderly Wolf lady, who was screaming, "Stop, thief! Give me back my purse at once!"

"Not a chance, granny—what?" The weasel cried in surprise as the boomerang snagged on the strap of the purse, whipping it out of his hands.

The boomerang twirled and arced back around, the purse slipping off of its end and landing in the hands of the old woman. "Oh, thank you, thank you, strange mystery boomerang!" She cried happily.

The boomerang did not reply, for it was an inanimate object.

"And so, with these oversized ceremonial scissors, I hereby declare this new giant scissor factory open," a relatively short egg-shaped anthropomorphic mouse with grey fur, pink skin, bright blue eyes, round ears, a long naked tail, a bare belly, short legs, a chubby bare muzzle with a medium-long black nose and a grey mustache wearing an extremely narrow cream top hat with a green band, a cream jacket, an asparagus shirt with white collar and yellow rings, white gloves, a green-yellow neckerchief, and asparagus shoes with white gaiters around them declared to a crowd gathered around a large building as he prepared to cut the ribbon in front of it with a pair of oversized scissors. "Now if these would just … Unfh!… Cut…" He grunted, struggling to close the scissors around the ribbon.

Without warning, the boomerang flew by, slicing through the ribbon with ease. The gathered villagers cheered. The mouse scowled. "Oh great, take away 50 percent of my job from me. Those blasted machines are stealing more and more jobs by the day…"

…

"I'm guessing that was the mayor?" Mighty asked.

Sticks nodded. "Yep. Worst one the town's ever had."

"He didn't look so bad," Cream commented.

"You might think differently if you ever had to listen to one of his speeches," the badger complained.

"Just how bad is he, really?" Sonic asked.

"During his most recent reelection campaign, he got a -10 percent approval rating. And he was running unopposed!" Sticks informed them.

There was a pause. "… Wow," Vector said finally.

"I didn't think that was actually possible," Espio commented.

"And I thought the politicians in OUR world were lousy…" Shadow muttered.

…

As the boomerang continued on its path, it passed by a bulletin board, the breeze left in its wake dislodging a sheet of paper and causing it to drift through the air towards a dejected-looking crocodile wearing a black leather jacket, a large golden chain wrapped around his neck, white gloves, dark green yellow wristbands, white sports tape, and high-tops with a tattoo of a Compass rose on his left arm sitting on a nearby bench. "What am I gonna do?" He lamented miserably. "If I don't get some cash, fast, I'm going to get kicked out of my home and onto the streets. And the only jobs anyone seems to be willing to offer me involve grunt work or being some kind of mob enforcer! I mean, sure, the pay's good, but it goes against my moral fiber! Isn't there anything a guy like me can do that doesn't involve me being on the wrong side of the law?"

The dislodged sheet suddenly blew into the side of his face. "Great, and now I'm getting attacked by paper," he complained as he tore the sheet of his face… And paused when he saw what was on it. "Wait a second… They're holding auditions at the studio for detectives for a new crime investigation reality show! I could do that! Hmm, might be a longshot, but this point, I'm willing to try just about anything! Except working at Meh Burger, I'd take being homeless over working at that hellhole."

He got up and headed for the studio, fantasies about all the mysteries he'd solve and money he'd get from doing it flashing through his mind.

…

"Wait, was that me?" Vector asked in surprise.

"It must be, though he seems to have a better fashion sense than you," Espio commented.

"And no headphones!" Charmy jeered.

"So in your world, Vector is a detective as well?" Blaze asked.

Sticks nodded. "Yeah, and an incredibly successful and famous one, too! His show is really popular, and all the mysteries he solves are genuine, other than a recent one being staged by his producer, and he figured that out pretty quickly, and got back my Amy's hammer – – which the producer had stolen to frame someone he had a beef with – – in the process!"

"He recovered my other self's hammer? I immediately like him infinitely better than ours," Amy half-joked.

"Seriously? Because I have a hard time believing that our Vector could detect his way out of a paper bag," Mighty said snidely.

"He's… Successful and popular?" Vector asked slowly.

Sticks nodded. "Yeah, and pretty wealthy, too! He gets a pretty sizable paycheck for every mystery he solves, and that's not even going into all the royalties from the merchandise!"

Vector's eye started twitching. "M-merchandise?"

"Yeah, and I hear the ladies like him a lot as well… Why are you crying?" Sticks asked in puzzlement as Vector burst into tears. Espio padded him awkwardly on the back.

"A world where Vector is an actually good detective and not wallowing in poverty… It's almost too hard for me to believe, and I've seen things that most people WOULDN'T believe," Rouge commented, amazed.

"What about us? Are we famous and successful too?" Charmy asked desperately.

"I've never actually seen you before in my world," Sticks admitted.

The bee's shoulders sagged. "Oh."

"Join the club," Mighty grumbled.

…

"I'm sorry, everyone," a tall and skinny anthropomorphic nutria with aqua fur with bangs mimicking a hairline, cowlicks on his head and neck, green eyes, an almost completely white muzzle, a wide black nose, three zits on each cheek, and two overly large buck teeth with braces on them wearing a lavender shirt with yellow leaf-markings and a name tag on it along with white gloves and a pair of red and cyan sneakers told a crowd of upset customers gathered before him at Meh Burger. A tarp was covering a large object behind him. "But we're all out of the extra-special limited-edition meals that actually taste good and are healthy for you. If you want more, you'll have to wait another five years, though if you're willing to pay in advance, I'm sure I can reserve some meals for you by then-"

Suddenly, the boomerang spun past, slashing the tarp as it went by and causing it to fall off, revealing several large crates with 'EXTRA-SPECIAL LIMITED-EDITION MEALS THAT ACTUALLY TASTE GOOD AND ARE HEALTHY' stamped on their sides. "Oh no, corporate's plan to artificially increase supply and demand is ruined!" The nutria cried as a horde of angry and hungry customers surged towards him.

"Hey, you didn't pay for that!" a light blue humanoid cat running an ice cream cart protested as his latest customer walked off with an ice cream cone.

"Oh yeah? Well I'm evil! I don't feel like paying! Wahahaha!" Said customer, a tall and somewhat round-bodied bald human with a big bushy brown mustache wearing a red jacket with yellow cuffs, a front flap attached to one of the buttons and two flaps hanging from the back, blue pince-nez glasses, white gloves, a set of grey goggles with flappable green lenses, grey pants, a pair of black boots with high rims, and a high-tech gadget on his wrist cackled as he walked away, raising the cone to his mouth as he prepared to lick it…

Only for the boomerang to suddenly fly past, knocking the cone out of the human's hands and dashing into the ground. "No! My ice cream!" He wailed in horror. Enraged, he shook a fist at the departing boomerang. "Don't think this is the end! I'll get you for this, boomerang, if it's the last thing I do!"

"Did you just declare vengeance against an inanimate object?" The ice cream vendor asked skeptically.

"I've declared vengeance on lots of things for far pettier reasons than this!" The human scoffed.

…

"Was that Eggman?" Tails asked, surprised.

"Must be, though he doesn't look as morbidly obese as he usually does," Sonic commented.

"Yeah, more like all the mass went into his upper body. Weird," Mighty agreed.

"Well, given that their Knuckles has an abnormally large upper body, maybe this is just a thing that happens in their world," Shadow joked. Knuckles growled.

"He really declared vengeance on a boomerang?" Charmy asked skeptically.

"Our Eggman's plans are often a bit smaller scale than those in other worlds," Sticks confessed. "One day, he might be implementing a diabolical scheme to beam hypnotic waves into every television on earth to take over the world. Another day, he might turn his lair into a hotel to try and pay off some fines or attempting to blow up City Hall because his garbage STILL hasn't been picked up. That last one's a bit of a recurring problem, actually. Some of us are starting to think that he hates the garbage men even more than he hates Sonic."

"… Not sure how I feel about that," Sonic murmured.

…

The seated heroes watched in awe as the boomerang, finished with its valorous deeds, swung back towards them. Sticks extended a hand, waiting for it to return to her hand…

Only for it to fly past her and smack Knuckles right between the eyes before rebounding and landing in her hand. Knuckles blinked. After several seconds, he said, "Ow!" And fell out of his chair.

His friends stared at the downed echidna for a moment, then at Sticks. The badger cringed. "Um. Oops?"

Sonic stood up and reached over the table, extending a hand to Sticks. "You're hired." Amy and Tails nodded in agreement.

Surprised, Sticks took the hand and shook it, a smile forming on her face before she realized it. Unseen by her, an even wider, and slightly devious, smile now stretched across Perci's face. "And so it begins…" The bandicoot murmured before turning and walking away.

…

"And just like that, I became a member of the team!" Sticks finished.

"By causing physical abuse to Knuckles?" Amy asked questioningly.

"If you ask me, we should use that as criteria for recruitment more often," Shadow commented. Rouge chuckled despite herself.

Knuckles threw his mitts up in exasperation. "Is it some Multiversal constant or something that I'm going to be the butt of the joke, no matter what world I'm in?!" The echidna asked in exasperation.

"Yes," Sticks said.

"… That was a rhetorical question…" Knuckles muttered unhappily.

"It took a while for me to warm up to the rest of the team, given that I'm kind of a loner by nature," Sticks continued. "But after a while, I grew to… Well, not actually trust them, but not trust them less than anyone else. Eventually, I realized I thought of them as my friends. And it was because of that friendship that, finally, I worked up the strength to do something I'd been putting off for a long, long time…"

…

Sticks looked anxiously at the door in front of her. It was pretty innocuous, and certainly not the most imposing or intimidating door she'd come across. And yet, standing before it, she felt fear greater than any she'd ever felt before, and considering all the insane adventures she'd gone on, that was saying something.

Nervously, she glanced over her shoulder, where her friends were waiting. Sonic gave her a thumbs-up. Amy clasped her hands together and gave her a warm smile, Tails gave her an encouraging nod, and Knuckles looked around in confusion, asking, "Wait, why are we here again?"

Fighting back tears of gratitude that she had such great friends as these whom she was mostly certain weren't actually government spies playing the long game to assassinate her, Sticks took a deep breath, stepped forwards, and knocked on the door. She waited for a moment. When nothing happened, she started fidgeting, again wondering if this had been a terrible idea, and was about to call it quits…

When suddenly, she heard the turning of a lock, and the door opened. "Yes, who is-" the query was cut off by a gasp.

Sticks forced a smile, tears starting to stream down her cheeks. "Hi mom. I'm home."

…

Cream gasped. "You found your parents?"

Sticks nodded. "Yeah. They made it back from the one-way trip in one piece, only to find the family home in ruins and my brother and I seemingly dead. For years, they'd thought I was gone forever. So when I turned up on their doorstep, out of the blue, well… Let's just say there was a lot of hugging, and a lot of tears, and leave it at that."

"I'd imagine there would be," Blaze said gently.

"Are things okay between you? I mean, after everything you claim to have been through, it's not like… Well, you're not exactly the badger they remember you being," Amy asked cautiously.

"It's been a bit… Difficult, rekindling our relationship," Sticks confessed. "They aren't 100 percent happy with my current lifestyle and interests, and want me to return home, but… I just… I can't. Not after everything. They also want me to take over the family business, which leaves me feeling… Kinda conflicted. I mean, on the one hand, still being the heir to their vast fortune and next in line to take over the business makes me feel like a hypocrite since that kind of thing sort of goes against everything I stand for, but… If I don't take it, the company will be split apart by my less scrupulous cousins, and that's not really something I want to see happen." She sighed. "I'm going to have to make a decision one way or the other some day, but… Not now. For right now, I just want to keep having adventures with my friends and preparing for the inevitable end of the world. That's not too much to ask, is it?"

"… No. No, it's not," Rouge said quietly. Shadow looked at her in understanding.

"I…may know a thing or two about that myself…" Cream said quietly.

"Why? Oh right, because of the…right, right, not supposed to talk about that," Knuckles said when everyone glared at him.

Sticks sniffled and rubbed her nose. "Wow. You know, I don't think I've told anyone all this stuff before. Weird. Makes me feel kinda… Good, actually, opening up about it… If I didn't know any better, I'd accuse you of having poisoned the food and drink with some truth serum to make me spill my guts, but that's impossible, I've inoculated myself against that sort of thing. Anyway, enough of that sentimental crap. Tails, how are the repairs going?"

"Just about… Done!" Tails declared, holding up her transdimensional transporter device. "It's as good as new, maybe a little better even!"

"Thanks," the badger said, gratitude shining on her face as she took the contraption back from the young Fox. "With this, I can finally get back to my friends. Hopefully they're doing okay without me."

"Well, just open the way, and we'll come with you to help," Sonic promised her. "There's no way I'd leave a guy hanging, especially if it's another me!"

Amy nodded in agreement. "You can count on all of us!"

"Yeah!" Knuckles agreed. The others nodded in agreement, except for Big, who was still fishing and hadn't been paying attention to any of this.

"You know, I don't remember agreeing to that," Charmy interjected.

"Shut it bug, we're going and that's that," Vector said firmly. Charmy sighed.

"Except me, since I still have my own mission to take care of," Silver said quickly.

"You're going to travel through time. Can't you just wait until after this is over to do that? It's not like the past is going anywhere," Espio inquired.

"Which of us here regularly travels through time? Me or you?" Silver snapped.

"Espio, if the guy doesn't want to come with us, that's his choice. Besides, we've probably held him up here longer than we should have what with all those extra storytellers popping up out of the blue," Vector said reasonably.

"Thank you, Vector. I'm glad SOMEONE else feels that way," Silver said, grateful.

"Your loss, I guess," Sticks said, starting to press a series of buttons on the transdimensional transporter. "Still, I think with the rest of you guys, we should be fine. Thanks again for agreeing to come, by the way. You didn't need to stick your next out for me, but I appreciate it regardless."

"It's no problem," Tails assured her.

"Besides, if we didn't come, and you and your friends were defeated, then I'm fairly certain all us would be erased from existence," Shadow pointed out.

"Wait, but if we went with her and lost anyway, wouldn't we still get erased from existence?" Knuckles pointed out.

"Well, we just won't lose, then," Sonic said firmly.

Blaze chuckled. "You make it sound so simple, Beloved."

"That a problem?" He asked.

"Not all. I was just thinking the same thing," she promised him.

"Okay, just another second, and…" Suddenly, a massive swirling vortex of energy opened up nearby. "Wow Tails, you really DID make this thing better, I wasn't even finished inputting the coordinates!"

"Uh, Sticks, I don't think you're the one who opened that," Mighty said in alarm as four shadowy figures became clear in the midst of the crackling energy.

"FOUR-HOSTILES-DETECTED. PREPARING-FOR-MAXIMUM-ANNIHILATION," Omega intoned, weapons popping out all over his body.

"Wait, stop!" Sticks cried, seeing everyone tensing up for battle. "Those aren't hostiles, those are my friends!"

Indeed, once the four beings passed through the portal and into their reality, it was clear they were the alternate-universe versions of Sonic, Tails, Amy, and Knuckles they'd (somehow) seen in Sticks' flashback. Unlike in Sticks' flashback, however, it was clear that the present-day versions of her friends were geared up for battle.

Sonic was inside of a towering black-framed mech-suit about twice the size of Knuckles that looked like a slim silhouette of Sonic's head and had a cockpit in which the hedgehog was seated. Its body also had a grey-framed, windshield-less window up front in the shape of Sonic's eyes. It also possessed cube-shaped grey shoulders, grey shoulder rims, heavily armored grey arms, four-fingered hands with black fingers, and a pair of legs with grey toe-less feet and armor as well as crystal-like blue fins on its elbows and down its spine, and a blue light up front and center. From the numerous dents, scorch marks, and a few broken fins, it was clear he had seen some serious fighting.

Tails was wearing an advanced white spacesuit with yellow boots, belt and arms, and a white helmet with a fin-shaped antenna, spikes to accommodate his ears, and a transparent visor. Over it he had several bandoliers containing pockets stuffed with spare parts, tools, and ammunition, with a variety of different-looking blasters strapped to various parts of his body, along with a wrench. His goggles were currently lowered over his face, which looked a little weird since he was already wearing a helmet with a visor.

Amy was wearing a high-tech insectoid suit of armor comprised of a full-torso metal thorax with transparent pink wings sprouting from the back, striped magenta-and black Greaves going up to her knees with cyan-glowing thrusters mounted on the sides, a blaster resembling a stinger mounted on her left arm, and a grey rhombus-shaped helmet that covered her upper face, with a pair of antenna and sign eyes with slit pupils. Like any good Amy, she was clutching her hammer warily.

Finally, there was Knuckles, who looked fairly ordinary in comparison to his friends… Aside from the fact that he was sitting on top of a massive lavender hippopotamus wearing heavy-duty red and black armor covered in spikes with a pair of massive missile launchers on the sides and laser cannons on the tops and sides of the head, as well as, incongruously, a large red hair bow. Also, the echidna was wearing a bucket on his head.

"Greetings, small animals!" The other Knuckles declared.

"Knuckles, they're about the same height as we are," the other Amy said wearily, as if they'd had this conversation before.

"Really? They look pretty small from up here," the other Knuckles commented surprise.

"Knuckles, do we need to explain how perspective works again?" The other Tails asked in exasperation.

"No," the other Knuckles lied.

"… Wow, that's a sweet Mech suit," Sonic said with a whistle. "Hey Tails, how come you never built me one of those?"

"You never asked," Tails said distractedly, frowning as he analyzed his alternate self. Interesting. Going by his attire and Arsenal, he relies more on technology than physical prowess in fights than I do. Did his Sonic not push him to engage in physical activities as much as mine did? Or are there other factors at play here? Whoever he is, he's clearly at least as smart as I am, judging from what I can see just by looking at him as well as the transdimensional transporter device…

Amy glanced from her doppelgänger's hammer to her own, trying to determine which of them was bigger. What is she wearing? She thought with a scowl. I never needed armor! And insect-themed? Yuck…

"… Okay, why is the other me wearing a bucket on his head?" Asked the confused Knuckles.

"Guy's riding on top of the heavily armed-hippopotamus, and THAT'S the bit you focus on?!" Vector asked incredulously.

"The hippopotamus is heavily armed and armored. Why is the best he could scrape up a bucket?" Knuckles countered.

"Because it's a fashion statement, of course!" The other Knuckles proclaimed, causing the first Knuckles to grimace. His alternate self sounded a lot like him, but much… Stupider, somehow. That, as well as how the other echidna's body proportions were…off, gave him a rather unsettling feeling.

"That, and I spent so much time and resources tuning up Sonic's Mech suit, upgrading my weapons and suit, modifying Bea so Amy could use her as armor, and powering up Miss Tomatopotamus that by the time I got to Knuckles, the bucket was the best I could give him," the other Tails admitted sheepishly.

"Hey, how come you never gave me anything?!" Sticks demanded indignantly.

"I offered, but you refused because you hate and distrust technology in all its forms," the other Tails reminded her.

"Ah, so true," the badger admitted.

"Sticks!" The other Amy cried, her insect mask splitting down the middle and unfolding to the sides to reveal her overjoyed face. "You're all right! We were so worried about you!"

"Hold it!" Sticks shouted before the other Amy could run towards her. "How do I know you're REALLY my friends and not evil shapeshifters from another dimension pretending to be my friends to trick me into letting down my guard so you can eat my brains?!"

"She does that to you, too?" Shadow asked the newcomers wearily.

"She does it to EVERYBODY," the other Sonic groaned.

"Prove that you're really my friends! What's the safe word?" Sticks demanded.

"Sticks, if we told you the word, you would just accuse us of being mind readers and continue suspecting us," the other Tails said with a sigh.

"Huh, good point. And that DOES sound like something my Tails would say… All right, for the time being, I'll assume you're actually my friends here to rescue me. But I've got my eye on you!" Sticks warned the Fox. The other Tails rolled his eyes.

"Does that mean I can hug you now?" Amy asked hopefully.

"Yeah, okay," Sticks said. Amy immediately glomped her, much to the badger's discomfort.

"Awww," Cream cooed.

"Hey, thanks for taking care of her. We hope we she wasn't too much trouble," the other Sonic said, stomping over in his Mech suit.

"Oh, she was no trouble at all," Amy assured him. "We were happy to have her!"

"Well, she was a little troublesome," Espio commented. Amy grimaced.

"A 'little' is an understatement," Silver griped. The others frowned at him.

"Yeah, that's about what we would expect from her," the other Sonic said with a nod.

"She told us her backstory. Pretty wild stuff, if it's true," Vector spoke up.

"It was true! Every single word of it!" Sticks insisted, trying and failing to free herself from her Amy's grasp. "At least, I think it is."

"… You THINK?!" Knuckles demanded incredulously.

Sticks shrugged as much she could while being hugged. "Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes I remember it a little differently. Most of the core stuff stays the same, though. Usually."

"I told you she was crazy," Silver growled. Blaze glared at him.

"That's a pretty sweet ride you've got there," Sonic told his alternate self. "Your Tails did good work on it."

"I-COULD-TAKE-IT-ON," Omega said, unimpressed.

The other Tails chuckled. "Flattering as that may be, I can't take credit for it. This suit is actually a relic left behind by the Ancients. There's stuff like that in ruins, caves, and other places all over our island."

"Our world doesn't have the Chaos Emeralds that most other worlds with other versions of us do, so I don't have any method of going Super Saiyan or whatever," the other Sonic explained. "Hence why I wear the suit, for when things get REALLY serious."

Sonic blinked in surprise. "A world without Chaos Emeralds? That's… Kind of hard to imagine, honestly."

"My world doesn't have Chaos Emeralds," Blaze reminded him.

"Your world has Sol Emeralds. They're basically the same thing," Charmy said flippantly. The cat scowled at him.

"We don't have Chaos Emeralds, but we do have Chaos Crystals," the other Tails explained. "As well as tons of other mystical and incredibly powerful gemstones we occasionally fight Eggman over."

"Does that mean you don't guard the Master Emerald?" Knuckles asked his counterpart.

The other Knuckles shook his head. "No, but I DO protect Herman."

"… Herman?" Shadow asked in confusion.

"He means the Fregosi Sapphire, an ambiguously powerful gemstone that's a great source of energy for machinery," the other Tails explained.

"Why do you call it Herman?" Asked the confused Mighty.

The other Knuckles shrugged. "He seemed like a Herman. What, you mean you don't have a name for your ambiguously powerful ancient mystical gemstone?"

"No!" Knuckles protested. Everyone looked at him. "Well, okay, not since I was a puggle, but that's completely irrelevant! And besides, Rouge has names for most of her gems, so it's not that weird!"

"You name your gemstones?" Espio asked Rouge.

The bat shrugged. "Well, if diamonds and the like are a girl's best friend, it's rude not to give your friends names, isn't it?"

"Exactly!" The other Knuckles said triumphantly.

"… A beautiful woman just agreed with our Knuckles on something. I'm beginning to wonder if there's something wrong with your world," the other Tails commented, disturbed.

"Given what we've heard about your world from Sticks, we could say the same to you," Tails countered.

"Touché," the other Fox conceded.

"Does the hippopotamus have a name, too?" Cream asked eagerly.

The other Knuckles nodded. "Yep! She's Miss Tomatopotamus, the first female to star in the Tomatopotamus videogame franchise, shattering gender archetypes with her unique design!"

"The designers put a bow on the regular Tomatopotamus Sprite," the other Sonic explained.

"It was revolutionary!" The other Knuckles insisted.

"She's so pretty!" Cream squealed.

"…Really? Pretty? That?" Vector asked skeptically.

"If my great-niece says she's pretty, she's damn well pretty!" Shadow snapped.

"Okay, okay, she's pretty!" Vector frantically backpedaled.

Miss Tomatopotamus made a crooning sound. "I think she liked it! Or not. I have no idea what she's saying because I can't speak hippo," the other Knuckles confessed.

"If she's a video game character, why is she real?" Asked the confused Amy.

"I was able to materialize her in our world using my Build-it Box. It's like a 3-D printer, but even more powerful," the other Tails explained.

"Yeah, it was not only able to bring Miss Tomatopotamus to life, but an evil bunch of computer viruses as well," the other Sonic spoke up. "We also used it to build an even bigger box to make us some cars."

"Mine has wheels on the roof! And a pizza oven inside!" the other Knuckles said proudly.

"A pizza-Isn't that a serious safety hazard?" Asked the baffled Shadow.

"Not after Tails made it so it will only work when I'm in Park it's not," the other Knuckles explained.

"… Why… Why wouldn't it be like that in the first place?!" Asked a dumbfounded Knuckles.

"Well, how else am I supposed to eat pizza on the road?" The other Knuckles said indignantly. "I expected more from you, other me! What, next are you going to tell me that you aren't the leader of your team?"

"Well, I don't-wait, are you the leader of yours?!" Knuckles spluttered in disbelief.

"Yep!" The other Knuckles proclaimed.

"No," the other Sonic said flatly. "He's delusional, please ignore him."

"Hey! I'm not an illusion, YOU'RE an illusion!" The other Knuckles retorted angrily.

"Knuckles, I said DElusional. Do you even know what either of those words mean?" The other Sonic asked, annoyed.

"Am to!" The other Knuckles said firmly.

"What? That doesn't even… Oh, forget it. I don't even know why I bother," the other Sonic sighed in exasperation.

"… My God, I didn't think it was possible, but we've actually met a Knuckles that's dumber than ours," said a disturbed Vector.

Knuckles put his face in his hands. "Does the multiverse just hate me? Is that it? Did I or one of my alternate selves do something so horrible in a past life that we're fated to be the laughingstock of all of existence in retribution? Is that what's happening here?"

"It might be," Rouge said.

Knuckles glared at her. "That's not helping."

"Wasn't trying to," she said cheerfully.

"Fascinating! We don't have boxes like that in this world. I don't suppose I could see the specifications?" Tails asked, eager.

"Certainly! I think I have them saved here somewhere…" The other Tails murmured, tapping at the device on his wrist.

"What about your armor?" Amy asked the other Amy. "Did Tails build it, did you find it in an ancient temple, or did you buy it in a store or something?"

"Hmmm? Oh, none of the above," the other Amy said, releasing Sticks, who sucked in several deep breaths in relief. She tapped her chest plate a few times, and her armor suddenly split apart and flew off of her, reassembling in the air next to her to form a robot resembling a mechanical bee. "Bea here is my pet Bee Bot! Tails repaired her after one of our countless battles with Eggman and reprogrammed her to be my friend! She's been my loyal and beloved pet ever since, and thanks to Tails installing a piece of Herman – – I mean, the Fregosi Sapphire – – in her, she never has to worry about being taken over by Eggman again. Tails upgraded her again when we got called to join the big battle to save the multiverse so she could serve as powered armor."

"That's so sweet!" Cream squealed. "So it's like the two of you are fighting together as one! You know, I wonder if Cheese and I could do that…" The Chao shrugged. "Well, I'm sure we could find some magic to make it so. I mean, given that I'm the Empress of all Chao now or something. Anyway, miss Amy, your pet is so beautiful! She reminds me of some of the robots my dad - I mean, that we have around the house. You must take really good care of her."

"Why thank you, Cream!" the other Amy replied, pleased. Bea buzzed happily. "And I believe Bea feels the same way."

"How do you know that?" The other Knuckles demanded. He gasped. "Unless… Amy, have you been able to speak bee this entire time?! And yet you didn't do anything to save me from that swarm the other day, or keep Tails from going crazy that one time he got fused with a Bee Bot? How could you? I thought we were friends!"

"What?! No, Knuckles, I don't… that's not…" The other Amy sighed and facepalmed. "Why do we even bother…"

"Knuckles, I hate to say it, but compared to this guy, you're a genius," Shadow said slowly.

"I feel like I should be insulted, if it weren't so true," Knuckles said morosely.

"Wait, that's a rogue Eggman robot? Is that safe?" Vector asked in concern.

"I'm sure she's just as safe as… Well, no, dad programmed them to be my friends, that probably doesn't count…" Cream murmured.

"Egg… I mean, your father gave you some pet robots?" Blaze asked.

Cream nodded. "He thinks they make better pets then Chao since they don't need to eat anything and clean up after themselves."

"Makes sense," Tails said.

"I-AM-A-ROGUE-EGGMAN-ROBOT," Omega reminded Vector.

"And YOU'RE safe?" The crocodile retorted.

"FAIR-POINT," Omega conceded.

"Don't worry, Bea here would never hurt anyone unless she thought they were threatening me," Amy assured them, petting the head of her pet, who happily leaned into the strokes. "Because she's a sweet, good robot at heart! And also because Tails reprogrammed her not to."

Tails nodded. "Yeah, we learned our lesson from Buster."

"Buster?" Rouge asked.

"He was my pet former Eggman robot for a while," Sticks explained. "Unfortunately, I had to release him into the wild because it was just too dangerous having him around."

"Also because he was constantly throwing up green slime and disgusting us," the other Sonic added.

"You just WISH you could have what Buster and I did!" the badger snarled.

"I have Friendbot!" The other Sonic protested.

"I'm not sure Friendbot counts as a pet, Sonic," the other Tails corrected his friend.

"Friendbot?" Asked a confused Shadow.

"From the name, I would assume he's a robot programmed to be someone's friend," Blaze hypothesized.

"Actually, he used to be programmed to kill me, but then he decided he didn't want to and we're friends now," the other Sonic explained.

"Until Hypnobot brainwashed every robot on the island and in the flying city of Morristown to kill us," the other Tails muttered him.

"Yeah, except for that," the other Sonic admitted.

"Morristown?" Mighty murmured, bewildered.

"You mean Roboken," the other Amy corrected the Fox.

"Yes, but it wasn't called Roboken then," the other Tails pointed out.

"Roboken?" Knuckles repeated, dumbfounded.

"Flying city populated by sentient alien robots. Now protected by cyborg clones of ourselves," the other Sonic explained. "Nothing big."

"…Ah," Knuckles said vaguely.

"… And was Hypnotbot an Eggman robot?" Asked an increasingly lost Espio.

"Actually no, he was mine," the other Tails confessed. "Long story."

"Just how many reformed Eggman robots do you guys know, anyway?" Asked an astonished Charmy.

"Not that many," the other Amy said.

The other Knuckles nodded. "Yeah, just Buster, and Bea, and Friendbot, and D-Fekt, and that Valley full of Orbot prototypes, and Cubot and Orbot depending on the day…"

"… Huh. You know, when you put it that way, quite a lot of Eggman's robots switch sides, don't they?" The other Tails realized.

"If only that happened more with ours," Sonic complained.

"I-DID," Omega pointed out.

"You didn't switch sides so much as decide to be a part of whatever group was the likeliest to allow you to kill your creator," Shadow pointed out.

"THIS-IS-TRUE," Omega admitted.

"Anyway, enough wasting time going down memory lane! We have a big battle to decide the fate of the multiverse to get back to!" Sticks declared.

"Yeah, and we're going with you!" Sonic agreed.

Shadow nodded. "Don't even think of leaving us out."

"You all wanna help?" The other Sonic asked, looking somewhat uneasy.

"No, but I don't think I actually have a choice in the matter," Charmy admitted.

"No, you don't," Vector agreed.

"Well, we're flattered, but… Well… The thing is…" The other Amy stammered, looking embarrassed.

"The battle's already… Kind of over," the other Tails admitted.

There was a long pause. "What," Sticks said finally.

"Yeah, we beat the bad guys and saved all of creation! It was really awesome. A shame you weren't there to see it," the other Knuckles lamented. "Oh well, your loss."

"You… You finished the battle?! WITHOUT ME?!" Sticks shrieked.

"Yeah. Um, sorry?" The other Amy said sheepishly.

"It's not like we WANTED to finish without you or anything. In fact, we wanted to come rescue you the instant we realized you were gone, but… Well, unfortunately, shit had hit the fan by that point and we really didn't have the chance," the other Sonic said apologetically.

Sticks groaned. "Oh boy. What happened?"

"Well, the Grand United Alliance of Heroes managed to storm the castle, destroy all the defenses and fortress defenders, and the Super Duper Smash Siblings confronted the big villains in their throne room, but they were too late!" The other Tails recalled. "Using a device built by Robotnik Prime, they were able to harness the unlimited multidimensional power of the Infiniforce Star Diamond to fuse themselves with all of their parallels in every reality and become the omnipotent God Egg, Catastrophe Ganon, and Devil Bowser, the sheer malevolence from their combined evil so great that it began to unravel all of existence itself."

"Seriously? Dang. Sounds like you could've really used my phenomenal cosmic powers right about then," Sticks commented.

Vector threw up his hands in exasperation. "Oh NOW you remember them!"

"Remember what?" the badger asked in confusion. Vector groaned and went to bang his head on the top of a nearby table.

"Fortunately, we had an ace up our sleeve as well," the other Sonic said. "By combining all of our magical macguffins together, we were also able to use the same machine- well, after Tails and every other brainiac had fixed it, of course – – to fuse ourselves with all of OUR parallels in every reality to become Almighty cosmic heroes of absolute power and virtue to take on evil of that magnitude."

"It was really trippy," the other Knuckles recalled.

"Wait, then how come we didn't get fused with you?" Amy pointed out.

The other Tails shrugged. "Well, the machine was damaged. It's possible we missed a few. After all, the multiverse is really, really big."

"Even with all of us working together – – and let me tell you, there were A LOT of us – – it was still an incredibly close battle. Just when we thought we had them on the ropes, they fused together AGAIN to become Final Evil. So naturally, we had to do them one better and fuse ourselves to become Ultimate Good, a being of such power and, well, goodness it's… Kind of hard to describe," the other Sonic said wistfully.

"I felt tingly," the other Knuckles recalled.

"The resulting battle was so great, the entire multiverse was destroyed in an instant, then remade exactly like it had been before, several times over," the other Tails said.

"Wait, wouldn't we have noticed that?" Asked an alarmed Amy.

"It was really fast. You probably wouldn't have," the other Sonic said.

"After a battle so epic that I doubt any form of media could ever possibly describe it with any form of accuracy, in the end, the forces of good were able to prevail. Ganondorf, Bowser, and Robotnik Prime were defeated, all their destruction was undone, and the pieces of the Infiniforce Star Diamond were once more scattered to the furthest ends of creation, never to be assembled again," The other Tails concluded.

"And we stopped being almighty cosmic heroes of absolute power and virtue. I'm not really sure if that was a good thing or not," the other Amy complained. "It was kind of weird, but also…felt really, really good."

"Yeah, I had all the knowledge in every universe in my head. Well, our heads. It was something else," the other Tails lamented.

"It must've been," Tails agreed with sympathy and no small amount of envy.

"With everything taken care of, we said our goodbyes and began the trip home. With a quick stop to pick up you, of course, Sticks," the other Sonic finished.

"After we got chili dogs," the other Knuckles corrected him.

"WHAT?!" Sticks shrieked.

"Knuckles! You weren't supposed to tell her that!" The other Amy hissed.

"Oops," the other Knuckles said.

"Huh, good to see that blurting out things you aren't supposed to is another common trait of yours across the dimensions," Shadow commented. Knuckles groaned.

"As are Shadows being jerks," the other Sonic retorted.

"Ooh, burn!" Charmy cackled as Shadow snarled.

"Is the Shadow of your world really that bad?" Cream asked in concern.

The other Sonic nodded. "Yeah, he tried to kill me during a battle through time. Then he tried to kill me while being mind-controlled by Lyric. Then he tried to kill me during a team up with Eggman and the other local bad guys. I don't really know what his deal is, except that he likes to try and kill me."

"That sounds nothing like me!" Shadow protested. Everyone looked at him. "Well, not anymore…"

"Who cares about Shadow?! What I wanna know is why you guys put off rescuing me to get some lunch! For all you know, I could've been dead or torture or worse!" Sticks demanded furiously.

"In our defense, we were very hungry," the other Knuckles said unapologetically.

"Knuckles, that's not helping," the other Sonic sighed.

"I was supposed to be helping?" Asked the confused echidna.

"In our actual defense, we got assured by some very reliable people that you were in no great danger, so we didn't need to rush," the other Amy said.

"But we knew we should rush anyway in case you wound up getting yourself into trouble, so we got takeout, in case you were hungry too," the other Sonic explained, holding up several paper bags in one of his suit's claws.

"Oh! Well, that's very thoughtful of you," Sticks said, calming down. "As you can see from the spread here, I've had plenty to sate my appetite, but I appreciate the thought."

"Cool, so can Miss Tomatopotamus have those chili dogs? Because she didn't get nearly enough to eat," Knuckles said.

Sonic shrugged. "Yeah, all right." He tossed the bags at Miss Tomatopotamus, who happily snapped them up in a single gulp.

Cream giggled. "She's a hungry, hungry hippo, isn't she?"

"No, she's a hungry, hungry Tomatopotamus. There's a difference," Knuckles corrected her.

"So, now that you're here and it turns out there's no big disaster looming over your heads anymore, you want to stay a while, chat, maybe tell us your origin stories?" Sonic suggested half-jokingly.

"OH DON'T YOU EVEN!" Silver shrieked.

"While that sounds like fun, we're going to have to pass," the other Sonic said apologetically. "We've been away from our world for too long already, and should probably get back before something terrible happens, like the Lightning Bolt Society actually doing something somewhat threatening for a change, or the mayor legalizing crime again."

"Oh, that's a shame," Cream said in disappointment.

"Well, you've gotta do what you gotta do," Vector said, still clearly unhappy that his alternate self was ridiculously successful and he wasn't.

"Don't worry, I've given Other Me our coordinates, so he can call us if there's ever need," the other Tails informed them.

"Hopefully, there never will be," Knuckles muttered, hoping he would never have to see his much stupider other self ever again.

"Yeah, but you know how these things go. It's only a matter of time before some other huge multiversal crisis comes up, so it's probably a good idea to keep in touch just in case," Tails pointed out. "Just because we weren't in this one doesn't mean we might not be involved in the next one, so it would probably be a good idea to maintain communication with other dimensions just to be safe. Even if it's not purely for emergencies, it's still a good idea, since there is probably a lot we can learn from each other."

"It certainly makes being with my Beloved easier," Blaze said warmly. Sonic blushed at that.

Amy growled, and then got an idea. "Other me, before you go, could you, um, possibly tell me how you managed to win your Sonic's heart?" She asked hopefully.

Everyone groaned. "Why am I not surprised she'd try to ask that?" Shadow complained.

"The really surprising thing is that she didn't do it sooner," Espio remarked.

The other Sonic and Amy started laughing nervously as their friends rolled their eyes. "Ahahaha, what are you talking about? Who told you were together? We aren't together. That, that would be silly!" The other Amy said frantically.

"Yeah, we're just friends," the other Sonic confessed.

"And nothing more!" The other Amy agreed.

"I mean, okay, sometimes we have picnics and go out to movies or have meals together without anyone else, but that doesn't mean we're dating," the other Sonic insisted.

"Yeah, and the fact that I have Sonic's picture in my wallet and a life-size doll of him that I sometimes snuggle with in my sleep means absolutely nothing!" The other Amy added.

"Yeah! Wait, what?" The other Sonic asked, surprised by this.

Everyone stared at the other Amy. "…Riiiiiiight," Charmy said slowly.

"I don't believe you!" Knuckles announced.

"Really? I do," the other Knuckles said, surprised. Knuckles' eye twitched.

"My God, he really is more gullible than you," said an astounded Shadow.

Knuckles facepalmed. "Just… Just don't, okay?"

"Maybe we should go before things get even more awkward?" The other Tails suggested gently, noticing how incredibly embarrassed his Amy looked.

"That. Um. That would probably be a good idea," the other Sonic agreed sheepishly.

The other Tails tapped a few buttons on his wrist-mounted device, and another swirling interdimensional vortex opened up behind them. "Okay, that's our way home. Other me, you should be hearing from me shortly. I've set up a network with the other Tails as well to establish a way for us to trade information and ideas across the space-time continuum."

"I look forward to communing with you," Tails said cheerfully.

"I guess this is goodbye. Thanks again for keeping me company while I waited for my friends," Sticks said to everyone who wasn't from her dimension. "And if you say so much as a word of anything I've just told you all, I'll return here and kill you. Got it?"

"Got it," Espio said.

"But didn't most of what she just said already get broadcast worldwide through-" Charmy started, only for Vector to quickly wrap his hands over his mouth to shut him up.

"Smaller, inferior me, keep working at it, and one day you will be as mighty a leader as I am!" The other Knuckles told his counterpart.

"Knuckles, you aren't the leader," the other Sonic said in exasperation.

"Of course I'm not, Sonic. Of course I'm not," the other Knuckles said in a way which very much indicated he didn't think that was the case.

"Do you believe him, Knuckles?" Rouge joked.

"I hate everything," the echidna said bluntly.

"Oh hey, other me, a few months from now all the other Sonics are going to get together to have a race with every other speedster hero out there to see who the fastest in all of time and space is. You want in?" The other Sonic asked.

"Do I!" Sonic said excitedly.

"That does sound like it should be interesting," Blaze spoke up.

"You can count me in as well," Shadow added.

"Great! Tails can forward the details to your Tails. You guys should probably start training right away, there's gonna be some pretty fierce competition!" The other Sonic said with a grin.

Sonic smiled back. "Wouldn't be any fun if there weren't!"

The other Sonic chuckled. "Well, yeah! Anyway, we really should get going. But I look forward to seeing you at the race!"

"You know it!" Sonic shot back.

"And other me, keep at it! I'm sure you'll win his heart someday!" Amy exclaimed to her counterpart.

"Ahahahaha I have no idea what you're talking about Tails get us out of here!" The other Amy shrieked. The other Tails rolled his eyes and pushed a few more buttons on his wrist, and the vortex expanded, swallowing them up and closing on itself, taking the visitors from another world with it.

"So, do you have a life-sized doll of Sonic?" Mighty asked Amy after several awkward minutes had passed.

"I don't want to talk about it!" She screeched.

"Beloved-" Blaze started.

"Blaze, no," Sonic told her firmly. The cat sighed and acquiesced.

"Well, I'm glad that's settled!" Silver said loudly. "And now that this unwelcome distraction is over, I can finally get back to my mission! Everyone, thank you for all the help you've given me, you've done more to help the timestream then I think you'll ever realize. And with that, I must bid you adieu-"

Without warning, there was a very loud gunshot, startling everyone. "Not so fast, buckoes!"

"OH WHAT NOW?!" Silver wailed as everyone looked around in alarm, readying themselves for battle.

"What… Where did that-" Tails stammered.

Rouge's ears twitched, a look of disbelief on her face. "I don't sense any heartbeats or smell blood…"

"AND-MY-SENSORS-ARE-PICKING-UP-NOTHING," Omega beeped, his hands turning into chain guns as he swiveled around, looking for a target.

"We don't smell anything, either," Blaze growled as her Biter sniffed the air, looking confused.

"Cream, stay close," Shadow growled, moving protectively over his great-niece.

"O-okay, Grunkle Shadow," Cream whimpered as she clutched Cheese to her chest, frightened.

Sonic frowned. "That voice…something about it feels…familiar…"

The Chaotix (and Mighty) stiffened, eyes wide with horror. "No… That voice… It can't be…!" Espio gasped.

"It is!" Charmy shrieked. "It's-"

The air before them shimmered, and suddenly a familiar-looking purple weasel/Wolf hybrid wearing a Stetson hat and riding atop a silently running airbike faded into view, a psychotic grin on his face and a pair of very large guns in his hands. "Fang the Sniper, one of the most wanted men alive and greatest bounty Hunter on the planet? You've got it, mates… And I'm here to tell you sorry lot a story…"

…

Well, that took MUCH longer than it should have. Sorry about that. Again.

In any event, next chapter is the penultimate chapter and the final origin of this story. The tale of the dreaded Fang the Sniper…