CHAPTER 12 –THE SORTING OF SEVERUS AND HARRY
All of the Adults were left speechless after Harry finished sharing what he had carried on his heart for a very long time. Albus' eyes no longer shared their famous twinkle. Snape, had that typical smirk on his face, but his eyes were very troubled.
"I think we all need a cup of tea," Albus quietly said.
With a wave of his wand, tea appeared and they all silently sipped as their minds absorbed the longest dialogue and calmest delivery they had ever heard come forth from the 'Boy Who Lived'.
When it appeared Harry had his emotions under control, Albus cleared his throat and said, "Harry, you are right, I owe you an apology. I didn't use common sense or listen to those around me who were wiser than me. I thought only about the magical functions of keeping you safe. It never entered my mind that your own blood would treat you that way even though every time I looked at Severus I should have been reminded."
Severus gave his father a hard look, one that told him he did not appreciate his dirty laundry being waved in public, especially in front of a student.
"Oh Severus, get over yourself" said Albus. "It is no secret how your father treated you and that I adopted you to get you away from him for that very reason."
"Harry, sometimes an old man gets focused on the big picture and forgets people make up that picture and they have lives, fears, feelings and problems. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart for what happened to you and can only ask you to forgive me. I hope we can start over again and perhaps this time I can get it right."
Harry was in shock! He expected the same old garbage that most adults gave him like, 'well at the time it seemed best', or 'it's all in the past let's get on with life' or the best one, 'suck it up everyone has problems'.
"Yes Sir, I would really like to at least try. I will try and do better also, although Professor Lupin says that since I'm a kid there are still a lot of mistakes I'm going to make."
Albus laughed, "Not just kids make mistakes Harry, but it is expected that the mistakes diminish as one gets older."
"Albus continued, "Harry, I do have to be honest with you though. There are a lot of bad people out there who would do you harm if they had half a chance. After all that trouble with Quirrell last year we believe that Voldemort may not be as permanently dead as we would like him to be. If he comes back then Professor Snape will probably be one of the first to know about it, and be able to warn us."
"That is why we couldn't let you go to the Weasleys. They are already considered to be blood traitors and have their hands full just trying to protect the kids that they have. If we added you to the mix the danger would be even greater for them. Don't think that they wouldn't take you in a split minute, they would."
"We have to make sure that someone strong, who can defend you, has guardianship over you. Those are some of the reasons that we feel that Professor Snape is our best choice."
"Granted, he marches to a different drummer, and he will never be a Molly Weasley when it comes to displays of affection. But he is an honest man Harry, an honorable man, who will never lie to you and you can always rely on him" said Albus.
"He definitely needs to work through a few issues when it comes to dealing with past hurts he feels were inflicted upon him by your father. If truth be told, the abused is fast becoming the abuser, if he doesn't' change his ways." At the same time that Albus was saying that he gave Snape a dark penetrating look. "But, perhaps you and he can work through those issues" Continued Albus.
Everyone then turned to Snape, who had not uttered one word. Knowing Snape, and knowing that he had not popped off a negative explicative by now, was itself a positive.
Severus took a deep breath then looked Harry square in the eye and said, "Harry, I know you don't trust me, or even like me, but I am going to ask you take a walk with me out to the lake where we can sit and talk. I think there is a lot I need to share with you and it would be a good place to start."
"I am saying that I have more to share with you about myself and I am sure there is more that you have to share with me."
"So if you can find it in your heart to trust just a bit, knowing that Professors Dumbledore and Lupin know where we are, would you take a walk with me?"
Harry looked at Snape for the longest time, not only was he shocked by the words but it was the first time his professor had called him Harry. He was still hesitant but it was the honest look of his eyes that convinced him. They didn't match the stiff, domineering body pose that the Professor usually used to terrify people with.
"Ok Professor, I will go with you". And with that they stood and left.
"Well, I hope that will go well," Albus sighed.
"Oh, I really think it will, Albus, they really do need each other, they just don't' know it yet" Stated Lupin.
It was a sight that quite a few people in the castle noticed but none said anything about, the "bat and the boy" going outside toward the lake together. More shocking was the fact that neither seemed to be upset.
When they reached the lake they sat on a plush grassy spot, where each could face each other yet lean back against a tree. It was not the most comfortable of times and each picked a piece of grass and chewed on it.
Severus started the conversation. "When I was young and hurt and angry, Dad, better known as Professor Dumbledore to you, manipulated my real Dad into giving up custody of me. I was a very used-up teenager and hated the world."
"I even felt like I hated Albus for some reason, unknown to either of us, and acted out with him. He finally realized that I needed to release some of that anger just so we could talk to each other. After I called him some horrendous names he grabbed me, and paddled my butt. Then he held me tight and let me cry it out telling me that he loved me anyway. Then we went down by the lake and I think we must have talked all night."
"Now I'm not saying I want to spank you, don't get me wrong. In fact from the cushion charm that I happened to notice Professor Lupin place on your chair up in the office, I gather you have probably already been through that part."
Blushing, bright red, Harry sank back into the tree.
"Harry, your Mother and I were friends while at school and worked together a lot, especially in potions. Your Father wanted to date her and she kept telling him no. He was spoiled, and 'no' was not in his vocabulary. So your Father became my personal bully, constantly embarrassing me in front of the whole school and worse, in front of your Mother."
"We became very serious and were going to be married when Voldemort came on the scene. It was terrible; the terror, fear and people dying. It just kept getting worse and it felt like there was no hope. Albus formed what is now known as the 'Order of the Phoenix'. It is a secret group of people who stand against the Dark Lord."
"It seemed like they were always one step ahead of us. For every Death Eater we killed they, in turn, wiped out whole families. We all lost a lot of friends in that war. That is when I decided to take the "Mark, I became a Death Eater", he rolled up his sleeve to show Harry the Dark Mark imbedded in his forearm.
"I felt that if I could join and work my way up the ranks then I could spy for the Order. I told your Mother that we would have to separate until the war was over because I could not allow them to find out about her. She refused so I said some very bad things to her which hurt her deeply. It took her a couple years to figure out that I had purposely caused her to walk away from me and to forgive me."
"So I became a spy. I took on the image of a tough, hard, and very dangerous greasy Git. One of the reasons Albus wanted me to take you as my ward was because there are not many who will mess with me. I am very good at what I do and I am very proficient at spells, curses, charms and other things that can hurt or kill."
"Then a very little boy named Harry Potter was hit by the killing curse cast by the Dark Lord. The curse, because of the charms placed on you by your Mother, did not kill you but shot back at the Dark Lord. We are not really sure what happened to him but Albus never believed he was dead and last year, Quirrell, only confirmed his suspicions."
"Harry, I have to maintain my persona in order to fool all the little snakes in my house. They report directly back to their parents, many of which are Death Eaters. If I am overly nice to Gryffindores, or any body who works for the 'Light' and not the Snakes, others will hear about it very quickly. If the Dark Lord returns, I need to be able to return to my position as spy."
"Albus was correct in telling you that I will never be a Molly Weasley, hugging you all the time, or an Arthur Weasley who would pat you on the back and tell you everything will be just fine. That is just not who I am."
"Harry, everything is not fine and for you it will probably never be what you want it to be. You will never be a Ron or a Neville, that ordinary boy who has no greater problem than naming your children."
"You are Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, and nothing can take that away, so you're going to have to find a way to live with it. If the Dark Lord returns you're going to have bigger problems. He will want a piece of you because of what you did to him. It was not your fault and you did nothing to cause it to happen but he will not care."
"I know you feel like everyone is trying to control your life but that is not true. We are trying to teach YOU how to control your life and you control it through the choices you make. If you make good choices then you will grow strong and have more control, if you make bad choices, then you will have to answer to me. Through talking, teaching, practice and discipline you will learn how to do it right the next time. We may not always agree but we can always talk it through."
"Life is like what happened to you earlier. You got mad, mad turned into anger, anger turned into rage and you had no control over it or your life, you just reacted."
"Lupin disciplined you for how you chose to react, for your bad choice. He caused you to slow down, focus and think things through. Then you tackled the problem again and I was very impressed at how you presented yourself."
"You did so, in a well thought out manner, as an adult should. And next time, when you are hit with a surprise you don't agree with, hopefully you will be able to make good choices quicker."
"Yes, I am very proud of how you handled it but now we need to help you learn how to make it a habit."
"You need to know that I, like Professor Lupin, also believe in discipline Harry, and that includes spanking when needed. I will always be up front with you. You will know what is expected, you will always know the rules, and you will always know how you will be held accountable if you do not meet those expectations."
"There will be no surprises thrown at you by me, and the rules in your life will be constant and consistent."
"You on the other hand will always be held accountable for your actions. Not the actions of others but only your actions. "Everyone else is doing it", will not cut it with me. I don't care what everyone else is doing, but I do care what you are doing and so should you. You will not be held accountable for their actions, unless you contributed to them and they will not be accountable for yours. Only you can answer for you."
"Above all I will never lie to you Harry. I may not always answer your questions, and I may not always be able to share with you what you want to know, but I will not lie. And you need to know that I will not tolerate you lying to me. That is my number one hot button and lying to me will always, always, earn you a spanking your bare bottom with the hairbrush, on top, of whatever other punishment you might receive."
"My life as a spy is such a complete lie, and I tell so many lies when I am working in that capacity, that when it comes to family, loved ones, I have to have, even demand, total honesty so that my life can have any resemblance of being real and wholesome."
"I also feel Harry that we have to set up a training schedule for you that includes those things that can help you to fight if you need to. Right now you could not battle a flubber-worm and win. Your training has been neglected and I aim to see to it that we make up for that."
"Perhaps some of your friends might want to join us. Just keep in mind that I train just like I teach and will tolerate no shenanigans from anyone. If you choose to play during training then I will just let Filch have you for the afternoon until you can change your attitude."
"So basically what I expect from you is Obedience, Respect for Adults, and Respect for Yourself by not putting yourself in danger when there are better choices available to you. You can expect me to be there for you, to discipline you, to be fair, to listen and to guide and train you so that you might have a chance for a good life when you grow up."
"Do you have any questions so far Harry?"
Harry looked at his shoes then looked at Snape and asked, "What will you use when you beat me?"
"Severus looked at him like he had lost his marbles, then remembering Harry's history he said "I will never beat you Harry. I will punish you, and that can include all kinds of things from writing lines, grounding, loss of flying, time outs, to working with Filch and yes to a spanking. But it will be just that, a spanking and I will use my hand, paddle and if you lie a hair brush. I will never use a cane or a belt. I will never intentionally hit you on the head or any other part of your body except your bum. That is a promise Harry."
"Harry listened then said, "That sounds like Ron's family and what Professor Lupin said was normal".
"Harry you have to keep remembering, your Uncle is a sick man. Please don't take your lessons for living life from him, it will only cause you frustration, ulcers, or trouble."
"OK," said Harry. "It sounds fair to me, as long as you're willing to talk with me and listen. Sometimes it takes me a while to think of the right words and it would be neat to have someone think it was important enough to allow me the time to talk."
"Harry, you will basically be treated the same as Draco when he is with me. So you can ask him if you have questions as he has probably been through it all."
"Another thing you may have noticed, I am dating Professor Longbottom. Not that you have any say in the matter but I did say I would be upfront with you. As Neville is her son and Cassy soon to be her daughter then you will be seeing a lot of them and I wanted you to know why."
Harry just laughed, "Professor I think you have shortchanged your students ability to be observant. We all figured that out a long time ago...old news!"
Severus just grunted and raised his eyebrow. "No need to be cheeky!"
Harry laughed!
About that time Ginny and Neville came running up to them.
"What are you two doing out after dark, alone?" asked Severus.
"Professor Dumbledore needs to see you right away so he sent us down here to get you. He says it's really important and to come as soon as you are able."
"Harry, we will have to continue our talk later, unless you have something really pressing that you need to ask right now?"
"No," replied Harry "nothing that can't wait."
"OK, let's go, all of you!" said Severus, dusting off his pants.
Severus sent the kids off to the Dorms, although they did protest loudly and it took his best scowl and highest eyebrow to silence them. Then he went off to see what his Dad was upset about.