IT'S MIDTERM WEEK, I APOLOGIZE! also IMPORTANT TO PLOT. So this is very not historically accurate, but basically the Schuyler's and a bunch of rich families are staying in cabins and such near camp for a few months (give or take) for things like balls and finding a husband. Also,TRIGGER WARNING Alex has a low-key panic attack (or what I qualify as one, I looked up the symptoms and apparently I've been having panic attacks my whole life without knowing.) and there's probably homophobia in there, cuz it's all historical-ish.

I blink my eyes open, the bright light making it hard to see. With a groan, I roll over and sit up. Rubbing my eyes I glance at the source of light and scowl when I see it's Lafayette standing with my tent flap up.

"Wakey, wakey Ham." I flip him off and flop back on my bed, catching a glance of the smirk on his face.

"You know it's 0605 right?" Shit. I bolt up right and scramble out of bed.

"Why didn't you wake me up sooner!" I yell at him while rushing to find my uniform.

"I wasn't aware that you were still asleep until Washington asked me where you were." I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead. "He said it was important." He continued. You know just how to make me feel better Laf.

"Fuck!" I shove my boots on my feet, hastily tie my hair back into an extremely messy bun, and stand triumphantly.

"How do I look?"

"Like a man who slept in and will be reprimanded if he doesn't leave now, but that's just my grain of salt." What? He looks at my confused face for a beat then sighs exasperated.

"I can never remember if the idiom is French or English." I start to laugh a little. He glares at me.

"You know you're still late, right?" Right! Giving Lafayette a quick bye I speed out the door and head over to the aide tent and burst through the tent as gracefully as I can. Which apparently wasn't very, because everyone's head snaps up the moment I enter. I blush, and I'm about to apologize when I see Washington approach me.

"Sir." I nod my head in greeting.

"Hamilton. You're late."

I'm sorry sir. I slept in. Won't happen again." He stares at me sternly for a moment before speaking.

"It better not. I rather like you on my staff. I'd hate to make changes." I gulp. "Anyway. Meeting in my office right now. There's… someone here that needs to speak with both of us." Just us?

"Yes sir." I follow him and am surprised to find a young woman sitting in his office. She turn when she sees us enter and jumps up to greet me.

"You must be Lt. Col. Hamilton." I nod.

"Yes ma'am."

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Martha Laurens." My eyes widen and I have to fight my jaw from dropping. John's freaking wife is standing in front of me. My smile becomes more fake and I try my hardest not to slip up. Keep that mask secure Hamilton.

"It's nice to meet you." I lie through my teeth. "I'm sorry for your loss Mrs. Laurens." I have to force the name out my throat, almost choking on the falseness in my voice. She nods at my condolences. Washington clears his throat and addresses me.

"Mrs. Laurens came here today to ask about Lt. Col. Lauren's death." My breath hitches, but no one notices. "The condolence letter was apparently very vague." I know, I wrote it.

"Could you just tell me what happened?"

Washington's POV

It was as I was leading Hamilton to my office that I started to feel uncertain. Should I warn him about the topic of this meeting? I wouldn't have even made him do this if I knew it was coming, but she begged to have us both tell tale and I couldn't say no. I also couldn't tell her why she was the last person Alex would want to see. We enter the office and I can tell Hamilton is a little surprised to see a woman in my office for this 'meeting.' He nods confirming his identity and I can see the curiousness in his gaze.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Martha Laurens." I watch as he shuts down, so subtlety I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't known Alex for a while now. Has he ever fooled me before? The only tell that he's shocked is a slight widen of his eyes. They go through quick pleasantries, but I have to interrupt them; I'd like to not draw this out. I also can't look at Hamilton's dead eyes any longer.

"Mrs. Laurens came here today to ask about Lt. Col. Lauren's death." No reaction. Hamilton is stony faced. "The condolence letter was apparently very vague." I almost cringe because it's just now that I'm realizing he probably had to write that letter.

"Could you just tell me what happened?" Million dollar question. "All the letter said was that his death was due to British spies." I open myself to explain when Hamilton speaks up.

"He shot himself in the head" he speaks flatly. No emotion. Eerily reminiscent of John's last minutes. Martha gasps and spins towards Hamilton, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

"He would never! You liar!"

"Look Ma'am, Lt. Col. forgot to men-" I try to placate the situation but I'm cut off.

"He did. Blew his brains out. In his mind, it was him or me so I guess he-"

"So it was your fault!" She screeches, standing up. Her fiery attitude so different to Hamilton's flat attitude.

"Yes." My stomach drops. He couldn't possibly think that? Enraged, Martha walks forward and before I can process whats about to happen she slaps him.

"What kind of friend are you? I bet you told him to kill himself too, just so your selfish ass could live!" At this, Alexander stands up, but stays stoic.

"I am a selfish person and I terrible friend, but I would've died before allowing Jo- Lt. Col. Laurens from killing himself. I suggest you watch your tone, especially considering you wouldn't do the same." She looks affronted.

"Excuse me I was his wif-"

"Yes, the girl he was forced to marry because of his dad."

"You mean because HE got me pregnant the first time we met!" Hamilton freezes.

"What did you just say?" He asks lowly.

"That he got me pregnant, which is why he married me. Why is this rele-"

"Did the child survive birth?" Why is this relevant?

"Yes, Frances is two." Hamilton's face falls and his mask starts to crack. Tiny bits of despair slowly start to slip through the breaks like sand. Not catching on to his breaking composure, Martha continues. "Why is this important?" She demands.

"I believe you can handle the rest without me sir." He quickly nods, leaving before I assume he loses his composure. Well that went well.

Alexander's POV

"I believe you can handle the rest without me sir." I nod quickly and speed out the door so I don't lose my composure. John had a kid, John had a kid. John actively planned to abandon that kid. My thoughts are running wild as I speed throughout camp, my feet unconsciously taking me somewhere. My legs were weak, but I was so restless I couldn't stop moving. I couldn't think straight and my hands wouldn't stop running through my now messed up hair. Maybe my breathing was erratic, I don't know, but I just kept hearing the mantra. John had a kid, John lied to me. My hands and knees were trembling but I couldn't stop walking. John had a kid, John lied to me. Shaking my head, I start to try to focus on my surroundings and with a start I realize I'm heading towards the Schuyler's. John had a kid, John lied to me. Shoving my quaking hands in my pockets, the Schuyler cabin comes into view and I see Eliza sitting outside near the front. John had a kid, John lied to me.

"Alex?" I smile in greeting and take a deep breath, attempting to calm down.

"Eliza would you please join me for a walk in the woods?" My tone is clipped, rushed, lacking its usual charm and persuasion. She furrowed her eyebrows.

"Are you ok?" No.

"Please." I say faintly instead of answering. She smiles gently and nods.

"Of course." In need of human contact I link our arms together and start our stroll. We make small talk, though it's mostly Eliza doing the talking. Talk about a role reversal. The scenery and her calm voice still my shaking hands and I don't even notice my thoughts calming. We reach a good stopping point and she leads me over to a rock where we sit down. Here it comes.

"Alexander, would you mind telling me what's wrong now?" I take a deep breath and start. Once I've began I can't seem to stop. I start with John, how me met, our relationship, how he died. My voice cracks a couple times, but Eliza just rubs my back and helps me along. It feels so good to start from the beginning, like I'm just telling someone a story similar to mine. I'm crying now, I don't even know when it started, but I am.

"... and then today I found out something." I pause and Eliza nods encouragingly. "You know how I mentioned his wife Martha. He told me he married her because of his dad but he…" I struggle, not able to force the words out of my mouth. "He had a bastard. With Martha. So, to keep social standing he married her and then left, no plan to return." I stand up and start to pace, getting worked up now.

"Alex-"

"No, Eliza. John was my dad. The love of my life acted the same way as one of the worst people in my life. Get the girl pregnant, marry so she's not shamed by society, then leave when shit gets tough. Arranged marriages, I get. It sucks for both parties so having an open relationship works. But he had a kid. A fucking child that he helped produce. His own blood and he was going to abandon her! Sure, there was no love, but there was mutual respect and he had a chance for a family. A chance most people don't get and he was just going to abandon her." I pause. "And it would've been all my fault."

"That's not-"

"Because he would've left them for me." We stare at each other for a second, before she pulls me into a hug. I relax into the touch, letting her warmth comfort and battle my inner darkness.

"Alex, it's ok to be mad for now, but nobody's perfect. Everyone has flaws and everyone makes mistakes. I guarantee you that you would not have allowed him to abandon his child like that." She murmurs into my ear.

"But you can't kn-" But she's not done.

"And none of this is your fault. John's death, his child situation, nothing." She pulls away from the hug and grabs my face. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you know that." I look up and stare into her warm, black eyes. I want to, Eliza, so bad. But I just can't.

"I know," I whisper. But I don't believe it just yet.

A/N I'm soooo sorry! This chapter is short and late, but it was midterm week so I was studying and taking test and shit. Had to put something out there. BTW grain of salt is a french idiom.