A/N: i am not happy with it but for your sakes i'm posting it. rip me a new one please:)

24 hours. It's been exactly 24 hours and all we'd heard from doctors was …

"She's alive but in critical condition. She lost a lot of blood and we're not sure if she'll make it but we're hoping for the best."

Of course they're hoping for the best. They ALWAYS hope for the best, they're doctors, it's their job. Just like saving her should have been mine. See, I've gotten into this nasty little self-destructive mind game ever since they took her away from me in the ER. I'm not family. I have no right to see her… but I SHOULD be family, I should have told her how I felt. If she never finds out its all my fault and I have no one to blame but myself… I should have seen the car. I should have known Velez wouldn't give up that easily…

Suddenly I snap out of my inner dialogue. Elliot is standing beside me with a cup of coffee; he never was the best at sneaking up on people.

"Hey Elliot." I say as I look over his appearance. He looks worn out. We all do. Cap has been here and left and is back again. Fin and Munch left about an hour ago, and El just got back from his 4 hour stint at home, obviously he got coffee. I, however, have not left since I got here… about 10 hours ago. And god knows I haven't slept since IT happened.

"Hey Liv, heard anything yet?" He sits beside me and hands me the coffee. I take a moment before answering to take a deep breath and savor the wonderful aroma that is gracing my nostrils.

"Nothing remotely useful. All of the "Doctoral Spiel" and then they keep repeating that they really can't tell me anyway… I'm not FAMILY… fucking bullshit." I drop my head a bit and rub my temple with my non-occupied hand.

"Listen Liv, she's gonna be ok, she's a fighter, just remember that." El assures me.

I take a deep breath. "I'd know el, that's obvious. But sometimes fate grabs you and shakes you up. It's happened to me already and I don't know if I can go through that again."

He sits and puts his hand on my shoulder reassuringly. "Olivia Elaine Benson, I know you. I know what you've been through and I respect you completely for surviving, and becoming the best you can be out of your situation. You've lived through a lot of things and I KNOW you can get through this. I know Alex too. Obviously unlike you, I haven't seen her in her bathing suit.. Lucky dog.. But I know enough about her to know she can.. WILL, get past this stupid twist of fate."



He ducks his head down a little to get a better look at my now slightly tear stained face.

"Liv, fate may grab and shake you, but you have every right to shake it right back. Go talk to the doctor again and try not to look so defeated. Use your cop-like demeanor that's a little buried right now and that doc'll be running for the hills. You and I, and probably everyone in here, knows you should be in that room. Go prove it." He twists his mouth into a mini smirk and straightens up in his seat.

"Here's a handkerchief cupcake, now clean up and go get him."

I look into Elliot's eyes and try to convey my feelings psychically because I can't find the words right now to describe my gratitude. I'll settle for a joke and pray he understands.

"Ya know partner, for pep talks you get a perfect ten.. But you need to work on your approachability a little bit. That "brooding cop" thing really scares off the women."

He snickers. "That's my girl. Now GO before I break into tears… scram!" he lightly pushes me into the direction of the nurse. And I take the not so subtle hint.

I quickly palm my belt making sure my badge is still there while I approach the staff nurse. Lynette.

"Excuse me, ma'am." I say as politely as possible. "I have a little problem. Can you help me?"

She sets down her file to turn her full attention to me. "Yes, what seems to be the problem?"

Here goes nothing…. "Well you see, my best friend was shot and this stupid doctor... Ross, I think.. Won't let me see her. She doesn't have any immediate family in the area and I think someone should be in there with her. Do you think it'd be possible for me to go in?" she looks at me critically and her eyes narrow.

"What's your friend's name?"

"Alexandra Cabot.. Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot, to be formal. I'm Detective Benson." I sneak in the last part when she's already looking for the file and she looks up at me as if to size me up.

"Well to be completely honest detective, you really shouldn't even be asking because the doctor already denied you.. But since you are an officer of the law and Miss Cabot has no family in the area I'm gonna sneak you in." I mentally do a happy dance and remind myself to send this wonderful woman flowers. I'm pretty sure I'm beaming like an idiot when she speaks again. "Just to let you know, nobody likes him anyway. He's a real asshole, so if anyone gives you trouble, tell them nurse Cahill said you could be 

there. He likes to think he's the biggest fish in the sea but he's sorely mistaken I promise you." I snicker and breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me."

Nurse Cahill looks into my eyes and I can see her smile. "Just tell your friend to get better soon." Then she motions me around he desk and leads me to room 143, Alex's room.