Slowly I regain consciousness. I must have slept longer than I had originally planned because I have the imprint of blanket and fingers on my face. Actually, I hadn't planned on sleeping at all so waking up is quite a surprise. I raise my head to look at your face and I'm met with stormy blue eyes.
"Alex!" I shriek as I whip up to an actual sitting position, and you wince.
"Oh, please, don't scream. It' you cough a bit and are clearly trying to regain your voice. 'It hurts my head." You say and give me a cute, albeit obviously weak, smile.
I start to cry. What else can I do? The person I am passionate about has just woken up from a fucking coma. How often does that happen? It really doesn't. Let me tell you. I've seen it not happen a lot and it always hurts everyone involved. I may have to rethink this whole atheist thing.
"Olivia, don't cry please…" more coughs and it sounds like your throat is starting to get raw so, still crying, I buzz for the nurse.
"Alex, I can't believe you're ok.' When she starts to interrupt I press on, 'no, let me say my peace. I love you. No comment necessary, I just wanted you to know." I finish and the nurse rushes in with water and the doctor. I back up as he checks her vitals and I stand in the corner with my hand over my mouth staring at her.
This is actually happening. Alex woke up and I told her I loved her.
…oh shit.
The doctor left the room assuring us both that Alex was in fact breathing but he added rather snidely that I shouldn't be in here. That nurse was right, he IS a total asshole.
"Detective? Did you want me to tell the others in the waiting room that Miss Cabot is awake?" the nurse from before asked, poised by the door.
I gathered my wits long enough to reply, however I never stop looking at Alex. "Yeah, that would be great. But can you make up something about her not being able to have guests? If they pressure you too much, especially the tough looking marine-like one, just tell him I requested it?"
"Absolutely, please try to keep her hydrated though? And just call me if you need anything." She said and with a smile left us alone once again.
"Did you mean it?" Alex says roughly, and I look over her pale complexion into ice blue eyes.
"I did." Non-apologetically, I figure if she hates me, hopefully she'll let me down nicely and not let this totally ruin our friendship. She huffs and turns to look straight ahead.
"You know, when I was in a coma all I could do was replay that painful scene over and over in my head. To be quite honest it drove me up a fucking wall. Over and over, watching myself get shot. It was… sobering, to say the least." She pauses to take a sip of her water, picking it up shakily. Taking this opportunity I sit in the chair next to her bed. Sensing her need to talk this out, I stay silent.
"Did I die at all on the way here?" she says looking pointedly at me. Even sick, her icy stare still has the same affect it always does.
"She's going into v-fib…" Come on Alex, you can't die on me now…
"Start CPR come on!"
"Shoot, we're losing her… alright let's shock her. 160. Clear!"
"Olivia? Liv…? Are you ok?" she says in a raspy voice and that brings me out of my trance. It seems my flashback has me tearing up again. I sniffle.
"Sorry, just… a bad memory. Uh, to answer your question, yeah. We lost you twice, the second time right before we got to the hospital." I really start crying and to hide my face I drop my head to my hands. "I'm so sorry Alex, I should have known, seen, I should have been on a higher alert. I mean, I can't believe we didn't think about Velez wanting revenge…"
"Olivia Benson stop blaming yourself. None of us knew and we all should have been a bit more receptive. I asked you if I died because I was wondering if what happened actually did. I think I went to heaven Liv. I'm, I'm not exactly sure what it was… but it seemed like heaven. I was drawn to this white light and this woman was standing there. She, kind of looked like you but more exotic. I don't know maybe I'm crazy and the drugs are affecting me." Alex stopped then looked right back at me. "Olivia," she said reaching for my hand and I let her take it, looking down at the two clasped appendages. Her hands are so soft compared to mine… Soft and delicate, whereas mine have been worked and worked on, making them rough and calloused; and the contrast in color is pretty amazing. I can't help but think they fit perfectly.
"Olivia, all I could think about was you. The whole time I was caught in my mind, I ran through over and over what happened and all I could think about was how much of a wuss I've been." She winces and for the first time since she's woken up I'm alerted to the fact that she still had an injury.
"The drugs must be wearing off." I say and press the nurse button again. "Alex, we'll talk more about this later ok? I'm glad you're alive. We'll start from there and after you get out of this… place… we can talk more. For now just focus on getting better."
She nods and winces again. "I'll hold you to that detective. It would be unwise to renege on a verbal contract with an attorney."
The nurse walks in with the medicine. "I assume this is what you wanted? I kind of figured it wouldn't take that long for the pain to set in. Once this gets into your system, you'll be out like a light. The good part is we know you're out of the woods so just rest and build up your strength. Detective, would you like to stay?"
"Yes." I say, and Alex tries to butt in.
"That won't be necess…"
I look at her pointedly, "I said yes. We're going to leave this place together." I look at the nurse and watch her experienced hands inject the medicine into the IV. "Could you tell my partner to come in for a minute or two?"
"The marine one?" she asks and I nod sheepishly. "Of course. He was a bit offended when I told him he couldn't come in before, but shut his mouth as soon as I mentioned your name. I'll let him right in."
"Thank you nurse." I say and she retreats out the door. "Alright Lexi, just you and me. I'll see you when you get up." I take her hand and rub it comfortingly as her eyes droop closed, however this time she will definitely wake up and that thought soothes my soul, at least for now.