Men and Women Talk About Very Different Things With Their Friends

The sound of work filled the air and the people below looked up in shock to discover that the noises were coming from the Yorozuya, for a moment some people considered it likely that the lazy inhabitants had died and Otose was having the place redone to cover up a grisly scene. Then they thought perhaps she had finally kicked them out and was remodeling in order to attract high paying tenants; however all these speculations were dismissed when they saw Gintoki and Shinpachi leaving the building to collect pieces of dark stained lumber that were resting at the bottom of the stairs.

"I still don't understand why you want to build a bedframe, Gintoki," panted Shinpachi as they carried the long piece of lumber, its thickness closer to that of a small tree trunk, awkwardly up the stairs. "Wouldn't Kagura just break it by stubbing her toe?"

Gintoki shrugged as he adjusted his hands to a more comfortable position. "She might but she didn't break that shelf she slept on for a number of years nor did she tear the screen on the door. I'm pretty confident that she won't break this bedframe unless she really tries."

"She might break it if she's on top," teased Shinpachi only for him to end up with the piece of lumber pressed against his torso roughly. "What the hell?!"

"I thought we had an agreement," snapped Gintoki as he pushed against the board a little harder. "You don't mention my sex life with Kagura and I let you maintain hope of a potential one with some other woman."

Shinpachi nodded fitfully then Gintoki released the pressure and they resumed their task.

"You'd think I was preventing you from getting laid or something," muttered Shinpachi as they stepped into the house. "Umibouzu's here too, so that can't be helping things."

"Neither of you are helping," said Gintoki as they put the piece of lumber down in the bedroom, in front of the three-quarters finished bedframe outline. "Kagura and I haven't been able to do it since he got here and you popping in unannounced only worsens the issue."

Shinpachi tried not to glare at his best friend. "If you feel that way, then I'll just join the Shinsengumi! At least there they won't treat me like some unwanted cock block."

Gintoki looked genuinely surprised by the other man's outburst. "I don't remember saying you were unwanted, Shinpachi. And what's all this nonsense about joining those bakas? You'd seriously consider leaving us to join them?"

"Well, Hijikata offered me a position a few days ago," said Shinpachi slowly, this not being how he wanted to introduce the subject. "He said the Shinsengumi could use a few good men like me and it sounded like a good idea since once you and Kagura get married, things will be different."

"Nothing's different now, Shinpachi," argued Gintoki trying to sound reasonable but he knew he would get himself worked up eventually. "Kagura and I have been together for a while now and nothing seems different."

Shinpachi smiled sadly at his friend. "Nothing seems different to you, Gintoki, because part of what's changed is you. I mean, you're now far more responsible than you ever were before, you're concerned about finances and taking care of a family, not to mention making Kagura happy. Kagura's changed too, she now thinks about keeping a tidy house and being a good wife to you. I don't think I fit in here anymore."

Gintoki shook his head. "You do belong here, Shinpachi, you're part of the Yorozuya and always will be." He then saw the sad light in Shinpachi's eyes. "But if you feel that you need to branch out and learn to be you, then I can't stop you. I don't want you to think that I'd be happy to see you leave, even if it meant one less cock block, because I'd miss you and so would Kagura. You're our friend and like family to the both of us."

"Thank you," said Shinpachi with a sincere grin. "I'll admit, I thought you were going to start pushing me out the door the moment I said the Shinsengumi offered me a spot so I wouldn't be around to bother you and Kagura anymore."

"Why would I be happy about my brother leaving?" asked Gintoki as he knelt down and started pushing the piece of lumber in place with the others.

Shinpachi said nothing as he knelt beside Gintoki and started assisting him, chancing a glance at the man who had become as much of a brother to him too.

Kagura looked at the tiny kimono in her hand, it was green and blue with bamboo stalks sewn onto it, the fabric was very soft and she wondered if she could get one made in her size as she handed it back to Tae. The two women were finalizing the nursery at Tae and Kondo's new home, so far Kondo had set up the big pieces of furniture where his wife wanted them and now they were putting the smaller stuff away like clothes and toys. It amazed Kagura that a baby would need so much stuff when all it would do is sleep and cry and eat.

"Who gave you that one?" asked Kagura as she handed it to Tae and then picked up a toy sword.

"Kyuubei gave me that kimono," replied Tae as she put it in a dresser drawer. "I think it'll make a great play outfit for the baby, don't you?"

Kagura shrugged as she tested the durability of the toy sword by bending it. "I guess, but what's wrong with something simple? Why does it have to be so elaborate?"

Tae chuckled warmly as she moved on to another box of baby clothes. "I'm sure if you had a baby, you'd be more than happy to let it run around in nothing but a diaper."

"It would make doing laundry simpler," said Kagura as she moved on from the now broken sword to a toy drum. "Hey Big Sis, when did you know you loved Kondo?"

The older woman looked a little surprised by the question but she smiled kindly as she continued to fold and put away clothes. "I believe it was when he was about to get married to that giant gorilla, I couldn't stand the thought of him being married to someone else, even if my pride prevented me from telling him."

"Why didn't you just tell him?" asked Kagura as she discreetly put the drum back in the toy chest, hoping that Tae would not notice the broken part. "It would have saved you both a lot of trouble in the long run."

"I guess, but I didn't want him to know that I loved him," replied Tae with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. "I said my pride prevented me, and I meant it. There was no possible way I was going to tell him after all that how I actually felt about him, besides I got to do a lot of fun things to him before I confessed."

Kagura snickered wickedly at the thought of some of the things Tae had done to Kondo before they began dating, the best one had to be when they were sick and she made him stand outside in the snow naked with green onions up his butt. "It's too bad that once you tell a man you love him, you can't do anything mean to him anymore," sighed Kagura. "Sometimes I miss the days before Gintoki and I were together, I could get away with a lot more than I can now."

"You can still try, although it would have to be in a new way," explained Tae. "For example, all I have to do is say I feel the presence of an evil spirit near me or the baby and Kondo is doing whatever I tell him to try and rid us of the spirit. I managed to get him to hang upside down from a tree naked."

"You're evil, Big Sis, and I hope to be just like you," said Kagura as she sat cross-legged on the floor, looking up at Tae with sisterly affection.

"When did you know you loved Gintoki?" asked Tae as she picked up a small pile of very soft looking blankets.

Kagura thought for a moment. "When I told him he was stuck with me forever and he should stop looking at other girls. When he looked at the weather girl, I threw the remote through the television."

Tae laughed. "That's certainly something I could see you doing. Although I'm sure you loved him sooner than last week."

They shared a wink before Tae returned to her work, humming as she maneuvered her large belly out of her way while Kagura sat there thinking about the actual moment she knew she loved Gintoki. It was not like she did not already love him, she saw him as her protector and champion for the longest time, and eventually it just progressed to a more romantic love. Although there was one night that stood out most in her mind whenever she thought about when she knew Gintoki was the one for her. It was when he had banished the nightmare of all nightmares.

Blood. Blood is everywhere. Dripping down the walls, running in rivers on the floor, a never-ending flood of red liquid. She stands at the center of it all, the liquid of life trickling down the tips of her fingers as she takes in the death and destruction around her. Around her are the bodies of people a part of her remembers, the part that mourns their deaths but is unable to save them from their demise.

She walks past them, stepping over blood soaked lavender hair and a burnt out cigarette still attached for the face ripped from its owner's skull. There is one person in particular she wants to make sure is dead, the only person who could save her from this monster, yet she is unable to reach because of the cage she is in. Standing over she smiles, blood slides down her lips and she can smell the metallic bite, only fueling her lust further. Reaching down she twists her fingers violently in silver hair, pulling up the body so it is off the ground, the maroon eyes no longer halfway closed but permanently opened in horror as the lifeless gaze meets her own.

'You failed, Gintoki,' she says, no longer recognizing her voice.

The man who she adores says nothing and with hardly any effort, she digs the fingers of her free hand in the skin of his throat and takes delight in the sounds of breaking bones and tearing flesh. She pulls hard and soon all she is holding is Gintoki's severed head.

'Gin-chan!' she shouts, trying to bolt up in bed only to find herself pinned down by a heavy limb.

'Oi, what do you want, brat?' he asks, sounding sleepy. 'Can't you see that some people are trying to sleep?'

Kagura looks down at him, realizing now that what she saw was just a twisted dream of her own creation. Without a second thought, she crushes him against her in a very tight embrace, knocking the wind out of his lungs.

'Ka-Kagura,' he wheezes, trying to push her off. 'What the hell is wrong with you?'

She is shaking with suppressed sobs, trying not to show how terrified her dream made her but knowing he will find out sooner or later. 'I had . . . had a nightmare.'

He relaxes in her grip and tries to return her embrace, managing to brush his lips across her forehead. While she is now eighteen, they were still not together, despite her knowing how he felt about her and that it was more or less torture for him to be this close to her without being with her. 'Tell me,' he says, his voice a soothing balm for her soul.

'I killed everyone,' she says when she finds her voice, letting him go so he can breathe again. 'I was covered in blood to the point it was like a river coming off of me, I didn't know how I got like that but I was and I couldn't stop myself.' Sniffling a little she lets out a shaky breath. 'And . . . and you were already dead but . . . but it wasn't enough for me . . . I ripped off your head . . .'

Gintoki pulls her up and adjusts their positions so she is lying on his chest, his arms wrapped snugly around her. 'I thought you were dreaming about something terrible,' says Gintoki gently as he strokes her hair, something he learned calms her considerably. 'I thought sleeping beside you would stop it but I guess I was wrong.'

Kagura looks up at him and in the sliver of light coming through the slightly closed door she can see the strangest look on his face, she sees that look sometimes when he eats a very good chocolate parfait. 'Gin-chan, why did you do that?'

'Because I love you, baka,' he says fondly, kissing her forehead. 'A samurai must always protect his woman from any danger, it's an unwritten rule.'

'Even if the danger is in her head?' asks Kagura quietly, shivering at the memory of the bloody scene she tries to banish from her mind.

'Even then,' replies Gintoki holding her tighter as his voice becomes quieter. 'It just means he has to try harder. Can I do anything to help you?'

Kagura thinks for a moment then shakes her head. 'No, this is fine.' She snuggles against him further. 'Gin-chan, how do you know if you love someone?'

When she does not hear an immediate reply, she looks up and sees him sleeping, the sight making her smile. She pulls her blanket back over them and wraps herself around Gintoki like a vine, finding relief in the sound of his heart beating steadily in his chest. 'I love you, Gintoki,' she says, kissing his clothed chest.

Before she falls asleep she hears him say, 'I love you too, Kagura.'

"They do not do that!" argued Shinpachi as he held a board steady across the bedframe.

"They absolutely do," countered Gintoki around a few screws as he screwed in several screws already in the board with a drill.

Shinpachi rolled his eyes. "Gintoki, they don't deprive you of your favorite thing during Shinsengumi training."

Gintoki finished with the line of screws then removed the ones he was holding with his lips. "Yes, Shinpachi, they do. It would explain so much about the three bakas we know already."

"So what you're saying is they took away Hijikata's mayo?" asked Shinpachi skeptically as they moved onto the next board.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying," said Gintoki as he started drilling. "That's why he's obsessive over it to the point of the disgusting. He went a whole year without and now he can't go two minutes without it."

Shinpachi looked at Gintoki doubtfully. "If the whole purpose is to teach discipline then he definitely failed."

"I never said he passed," responded Gintoki. "Okita did a better job, he was deprived of submissive women. Doing so enhanced his sadism but you don't see him walking around with a whole pack of women on dog leashes do you?"

"I guess not," said Shinpachi slowly. "But what about Kondo? The only thing he cares about is my sister and he didn't know her until after he became part of the Shinsengumi."

"My sources tell me that he was not allowed to be naked for any extended period of time," replied Gintoki seriously. "Of course he wasn't able to be disciplined that way since he still enjoys stripping down to nothing. Don't worry, Shinpachi, the worst they'll do to you is prevent you from watching, thinking about, hearing, or seeing your pop idol."

He glanced up and saw that Shinpachi looked ready to be sick all over the place. Smirking, Gintoki went back to work, humming a Tsu Tarakado song as he finished screwing in the final screws on that side of the bed. They had made a considerable dent in the work that he wanted to get done before the wedding: they had patched in the places where pieces of wall were missing, filled in and painted over a few cracks in the kitchen, cleaned up the massive nest of dog hair in the closet and put in a cushion for Sadaharu, fixed some tears in the screen doors, and finally built the bedframe. Gintoki had never done so much home repair before and he was pleased with himself for sticking with it even if it meant he was unable to do any odd jobs.

"Gintoki!" called Katsura from the genkan. "Gintoki are you home?"

"In the bedroom, Zura!" replied Gintoki as he moved to the other side of the bedframe to screw it down. Shinpachi handed him a small pile of screws and went over to the other side to make sure nothing happened.

Katsura entered the room, his "pet duck" Elizabeth dutifully behind him with a sign that read, 'Good afternoon!'

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura," said Katsura as he surveyed the sight of Gintoki actually doing work with Shinpachi assisting him. "I must say, Gintoki, I never thought to see you actually doing work. Are you building this for you and Leader?"

Gintoki nodded. "I thought we could do with a proper bed now, or at least one that gets us off of the floor. It really hurts your back after awhile."

Katsura nodded. "Yes, it is similar to when we would camp out in the woods near enemy camps, nothing between our backs and the freezing, hard ground except futons that would be better used as blankets than beds. We spent many cold nights huddled together, our bodies pressed against each other for warmth, our—"

"Shut up!" roared Gintoki. "Stop romanticizing that hellish experience, we couldn't look at each other for days after that so don't pretend it was some bonding experience between comrades." He returned to his work. "Anyway, how is Ikumatsu?"

"She's well," replied Katsura as he observed Gintoki working. "I told her about your upcoming wedding and she says she'll cater it for a small fee."

Gintoki looked shocked. "She's practically my sister-in-law! Why would she want to charge Kagura and I for catering our wedding?! She should be offering to do it for free."

"She was going to until I mentioned that two Yato would be in attendance," explained Katsura as he took a screw from a nearby pile and looked at it. "One Yato being the bride and the other her father. Ikumatsu just wants some extra money to make sure she has enough supplies for enough food for everyone."

"I guess I can understand that," grumbled Gintoki. "Since Umibozu's been here, my refrigerator is practically empty until he comes back with armloads of groceries. I figured out what errand was everyday, buying food for the day. I can't complain too much since he's using his own money and being a courteous house guest."

"Except when he's being a cock block," sniggered Shinpachi before Gintoki reached up and pinched his cheeks hard.

"You aren't any better!" snapped Gintoki.

Katsura seemed very concerned by this. "You mean you and Leader have been unable to be together like man and wife since the arrival of your father-in-law and Shinpachi?" He then gave Shinpachi a very ugly look. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Shinpachi, coming between a lovely couple like Gintoki and Leader. Theirs is a love best expressed physically since they both fumble over verbal expressions."

"It's not like I climb between them in bed!" shrieked Shinpachi as he pulled away from Gintoki's grip, very horrified by the turn this conversation had taken.

"Thank Buddha for that," mumbled Gintoki. "And what the hell is this about Kagura and I only being able to tell each other we love each other through sex? I'll have you know we've said it plenty of times."

"Yes but have you said it poetically in front of dozens of people?" asked Katsura wistfully. "Ikumatsu and I both recited poems we had written each other at our wedding, they were so full of love and happiness, the crowd was weeping from how beautiful they were."

Gintoki rolled his eyes. "The crowd was weeping because you weren't letting them eat until after you finished. You and she were reading those stupid poems when we were supposed to be eating."

"I remember your wedding," said Shinpachi, rubbing his cheeks. "It was the day before I went into my room because of Otsu's marriage."

"And the day Gintoki and Leader consummated their relationship," said Katsura knowingly and Gintoki burned a bright red color.

Shinpachi looked stunned at his best friend. "Is that why you and Kagura didn't answer my calls?! I thought you two had gone into mourning too!" Then he looked at Katsura. "And how do you know about any of this?"

"Because Gintoki came to me later and asked me if I high-fived Buddha as many times as he did that night," replied Katsura with a shrug as if he were not speaking about something inappropriate. "I was quite happy to hear that he and Leader had finally been intimate."

"Why are we discussing my sex life?" demanded Gintoki angrily. "Zura, why are you actually here? It can't be to discuss whether or not Kagura and I have made the beast with two backs recently."

"It's not Zura it's Katsura," replied Katsura with a nod. "And I didn't come here to discuss that, although I'm not completely against it."

"Pervert," muttered Shinpachi and Gintoki.

Katsura did not seem to hear them. "Anyway, I came to tell you that my sources have found more Amantos gathering in secret meetings all over Edo. They have yet to find out what they're discussing but I have a feeling they're thinking of starting up a rebellion against us humans."

Gintoki could not help but roll his eyes. "You think that every time you see a gathering of three or more Amantos, and you've almost gotten yourself arrested on more than one occasion for attacking them."

"Gintoki's right, Katsura," said Shinpachi, adjusting his glasses. "You do tend to jump the gun when it comes to Amanto gatherings. Remember that Christmas party you crashed and destroyed because your sources said it was going to be an attempt to overthrow the Shogun?"

The longhaired samurai hardly seemed perturbed by this. "Those were just false leads given to my men, a means of diverting us from the true meetings."

"And apparently they worked," said Gintoki under his breath, Shinpachi stifling a laugh.

"This time my sources are very certain that trouble is brewing with the Amantos," pressed Katsura. "I'm going to start preparing my students for war, and I'll ask Kondo to do the same with the Shinsengumi."

A sly grin crept across Gintoki's face. "Well then, Shinpachi, this sounds like the perfect time for you to join the Shinsengumi. I'm sure you'll really enjoy preparing for war."

Katsura's olive brown eyes lit up. "You're joining the Shinsengumi, Shinpachi?"

Shinpachi looked from the perm-headed samurai to the longhaired one, confused as to how he suddenly got wrapped up in this mess. "No-I-I mean-damn you, Gintoki!"

"He could be an inside man for you, Zura," said Gintoki suavely. "You might be on friendlier terms with the Shinsengumi but you don't have their confidence, so young Shinpachi here could be your way of getting information only those bakas know."

Katsura nodded happily. "It's not Zura, it's Katsura and yes! Shinpachi, you would be an excellent patsy!"

"Why am I the patsy?!" exclaimed Shinpachi, stomping his foot. "Why am I always the freaking patsy?!"

Again, Katsura did not seem to notice any outburst. "You could bring me all sorts of information once you gained entry into the inner ranks of the Shinsengumi and with Kondo as your brother-in-law, you would know only things people at the top would! This is a great opportunity."

"I'm so glad it works out for you," said Shinpachi sarcastically.

"So am I," replied Katsura, Elizabeth shaking her head. The duck then tapped something against Katsura's shoulder. "Oh right, thank you, Elizabeth. Shinpachi, Kondo asked me to bring this letter to you, it's from your friend Kirara."

Gintoki watched with great amusement as Shinpachi went from looking outraged to looking skittish as he approached to take the letter from Katsura, he did not tear into it immediately like Gintoki expected.

"I don't think she sent you a bomb," teased Gintoki when he noticed the way Shinpachi was holding the letter. "You and she were still in contact during your exile right?"

Shinpachi nodded. "We were but after I got out I forgot to send her a letter, and now that she's sent one it can only mean that she doesn't want to see me anymore."

Gintoki was on his feet at once and snatched the letter away from his friend. "Some Shinsengumi officer you are, you can't even keep a personal letter safe. How do you expect to defend Edo from Katsura's imaginary Amanto plots?"

Shinpachi lunged for the letter but Gintoki easily stepped out of his way and tore open the letter as Shinpachi looked up helplessly from the floor.

"Dear Shinpachi," read Gintoki in a falsetto voice, "I am so angry with you I could scream! You ignored me and now I've decided to write to someone else. He's better looking than you are and knows how to treat a lady, plus he doesn't have a bothersome sister complex. You are scum and I hope Tsu Tarakado has triplets next!"

Shinpachi looked on the verge of tears, at least until Gintoki started laughing, then his tears dried almost instantly and he was ready to kill.

"You baka," laughed Gintoki, his hands on his knees to keep himself steady as he laughed himself silly. "You actually thought she'd say something like that? Damn you must have been feeling really guilty then." He casually dropped the letter on the floor in front of his face.

"I hate you," grumbled Shinpachi as he read the letter, relief flooding his face. "She's coming to visit in a few days!" He scanned the letter for a few moments. "She said she's missed me and wants to make sure I'm doing alright. Kirara doesn't hate me!"

The older samurai seemed pleased with the outcome, though one of them would never admit it out loud.

"That's excellent news, Shinpachi," said Katsura as he turned to leave. "Oh and just to warn you, don't put down 'writing Kirara' as an interest when you fill out your Shinsengumi paperwork."

Shinpachi was confused. "Why not?"

"Because they'll use it against you in the deprivation training," replied Katsura and Shinpachi fainted as Gintoki roared with laughter.

When Kagura arrived home that evening with Sadaharu, she was surprised to see her father sitting outside of the house, his bags of groceries beside him.

"Papi, what's wrong?" she asked, looking down at her father, the evening light reflecting off of his bald head.

Umibozu looked up, a stern expression. "The Punk was doing house repairs today, and I really don't feel like falling through the floor or a wall."

Kagura bit back a sigh. "Papi, I don't think Gintoki would put time into something only for it to fall apart in his face. You should have a little more faith in him."

"I will once he actually does something remarkable," said Umibozu, then he looked at the groceries. "Here, take these inside, I'm sure you and the Punk are hungry. Just bring me my dinner out here when you get the chance."

"Papi, are you sure you won't come inside?" implored Kagura as she gathered up the grocery bags.

Umibozu nodded. "I don't trust him, I'm sure he's bobby trapped the place so I'll walk in and be thrown out or something like that."

Kagura rolled her eyes and headed inside, almost expecting a trap after thinking about it for a moment, in Gintoki's twisted mind that would be the only plausible way of getting rid of her father long enough so they could have some privacy. She looked around the genkan and was relieved when nothing sprang out of the floor or dropped from the ceiling.

"Kagura, is that you?" called Gintoki, sounding like he was in the bedroom.

"Yes," replied Kagura as she took the grocery bags into the kitchen, shoving them all in the refrigerator, she could sort through them later. She headed to the bedroom and was stunned to see a beautiful bed between the two windows. Gintoki appeared to be applying the finishing touches, mostly their pillows and smoothing out the blankets.

"What do you think?" he asked when he saw her staring.

"I think it's amazing," she said as she walked over and sat down on the end, fully expecting it to crack. "Looks like it can hold a Yato, or at least her ass."

Gintoki grinned as he joined her on the bed. "Lie down and see if it can hold all of her."

Kagura giggled as she lay down, rolling around a little to see if it could take some punishment. "Seems sturdy enough, I don't think my foot will go through it unless I kick as hard as I possibly can."

"Please don't do that," groaned Gintoki as he pulled her over to him, wrapping his arms snugly around her. "I just finished my most labor intensive day ever and now all I want to do is enjoy your cooking, please don't make me work that hard twice in one day."

"You're such a man-child," sighed Kagura as she tried to push away from him only for him to hold her fast. "You really do have the soul of a boy."

"And you're the one who's marrying me," teased Gintoki. "What does that say about you, you cougar?"

"It says I've been far too nice to you, old man," argued Kagura as she tried to wrestle away from him but found herself still being held. "You know, we were in a similar position when I told you that I loved you."

Gintoki smiled. "I remember, you had that horrible nightmare and I crawled in bed with you to help calm you down." He started to card his fingers through her loose tresses. "You told me about it and then asked me how did you know if you loved someone."

Kagura shot up out of his arms. "You heard me ask that?! And you didn't say anything?!"

"What was I supposed to say?" asked Gintoki with a shrug. "I had a feeling I was about to get a love confession out of you and I wasn't about to ruin the moment. What suddenly brought this up? Did you say something to Tae?"

"No," replied Kagura, shaking her head. "Well, I guess, I did. I asked her when she knew she loved Kondo and then she asked me when I loved you. I didn't tell her the truth, I just told her about when I threw the remote through the TV. She didn't buy it but she didn't ask again."

Gintoki nodded. "I see, well when Katsura and Shinpachi were over, we discussed a first time for you and I too."

"Which first time?" asked Kagura, her blue eyes wide with innocence.

"The first time we did it," replied Gintoki and she hit him hard in the knee. "What was that for, woman?! You could have shattered my leg!"

"You don't discuss that kind of stuff with our friends!" she shouted. "And you should be lucky I was feeling generous when I hit you, you deserve more than that for discussing such lewd things with your friends."

"It's what guys do!" shouted Gintoki, the pain in his knee forgotten for the moment. "Just like girls discuss love and all that other crap with their friends."

Kagura huffed and crossed her arms. "Whatever, you still shouldn't say stuff like that."

"Are you two finished arguing yet?" called Umibozu from the genkan. "The whole neighborhood can hear you so I would suggest switching topics."

Gintoki and Kagura rolled their eyes.

"Why was he inside sooner?" asked Gintoki.

"He was afraid you booby trapped the place," replied Kagura and Gintoki grinned wickedly.

"The old man's smarter than he looks," he said as he stood up and stretched. "Kagura, you didn't touch the sandwich in the refrigerator did you?"

Kagura shook her head. "Why?"

"No reason," replied Gintoki when suddenly they heard Umibozu yelp in pain.

The two of them ran out to the living room to see Umibozu coming out of the kitchen with a mousetrap stuck to his hand. He glared harshly at Gintoki who was by now rolling on the floor laughing, Kagura joining him. Neither one had any idea what kind of game they had gotten themselves into now.