Hey everyone BenchBeYolking back after an extended break!
Yep! I'm still chugging away, sorry for the delay on this chapter! I found this one particularly difficult, due to the fact that while a manga can introduce and establish connections with a few images and fewer words, a written tale requires a little more work to do the same!
But I'm not here to complain, I'm here to let you all know how great you all are, and hope you enjoy the new chapter!
As always, reviews are welcome and always appreciated!
Thank you all for reading, without further ado, I'll let the chapter speak for itself...
Lazarus found himself able to see once again, the little good it did him. He ripped the cube from his chest and held it close to him, the smoke stung his eyes and the hail of gunfire already deafened his ears, he reached up to his face, feeling the smooth mask covering him. He watched Isaac move, several steps ahead of him, his replica katana drawn as he reached up, pointing at the ceiling, which instantly cracked and fell upon whatever was underneath it, covering the room in further rubble and dust, obscuring his already strained vision.
"Litch! I need you! Are you back yet?" Isaac called over, Lazarus forced himself to his feet, even without his vision, he reached down and pulled out his switchblade, following the sound of his brother's voice, taking his first steps of his new life into the unknown...
Lazarus took the first step towards his new life, stepping over thee threshold of the UA main gate and into the unknown, no longer as a guest, but as a student, a fully fledged member of one of Japan's most prestigious schools. The early morning was bright and crisp, the sun lighting the path towards his future, guiding him forward down the concrete way. The building no longer loomed, but embraced him, as if beckoning him into its halls, welcoming him like an old friend. Lazarus moved onwards as if in a dream, his mind open and his jaw dropped in newfound awe at every aspect of UA, seeing it with fresh eyes, the trimmed trees, the polished glass, and the impossibly clean path all coming together with the fresh scent of morning dew to warm the heart of even the most cynical young student. Lazarus halted, letting the light melt into his body, he closed his eye and opened his hands, facing his palms towards the light as he lifted his chin, feeling every sensation of the moment, feeling more alive than he ever had before.
"What the hell are you doing?" Neito's voice spoke behind him, Lazarus sighed deeply, staying in the moment for a second longer before returning to his regular posture. He opened his eyes and smiled, genuinely, as he turned to face the other boy.
"I'm photosynthesizing jackass, thanks for interrupting me." Lazarus held a serious expression for about two seconds before cracking, smirking knowingly as Neito sighed and shook his head.
"Honestly, how did you pass the exam? Did you threaten to sue the school if they didn't let you in?" Neito shifted his weight, keeping his gaze locked on Lazarus. He knew that Neito most likely was playing with him, but he hadn't figured out yet if Neito was a joker who meant well or was simply an ass. Either way, Lazarus knew he'd give him the benefit of the doubt until he was sure.
Readjusting the strap on his backpack, Lazarus shrug, "I got you to thank, saving you gave me enough points to get in, so thanks for breaking your hand. Really appreciate you doing that for me." Lazarus met Neito's gaze, who was staring right back at him, suddenly, Lazarus realized how tense the atmosphere had gotten.
Neito began to laugh, clutching his sides as he shook his head, "Ouch, you don't hold back, do you?" Lazarus suddenly felt bad for his harshness, but Neito raised a hand to wave away any guilt, pointing at him with his finger, "That's good, too many students are pushovers, you can't be a hero if you don't have a backbone to take a little pressure. What class are you in?" Lazarus licked his lips, still trying to figure out what title to give Neito, deciding quickly to simply take him as he was instead of marking him as a friend or foe.
"1-B. Howabout you?" Lazarus let his posture slack, his hip popping out to the side as he placed a hand on his waist. His backpack's strap instantly fell down his shoulder, ruffling his school uniform. Lazarus groaned and tried to adjust his collar again, "Stupid uniforms, stupid, stupid…"
Neito rolled his eyes and began to leave, "I guess I'll see you in class then, best of luck. Try not to die!" Lazarus instantly looked towards Neito, who had already turned and began to walk away, scouring the back of his head for some hidden meaning in the comment.
"Could he have figured...no, no, just a phrase, Lazarus, just a phrase." He mumbled to himself as he fixed his outfit and then his posture, continuing towards the front doors with added purpose in his movements, no longer simply meandering around.
The school was alive as Lazarus made it to the entryway, students of every age and gender bustled around the social area outside with incredible energy. There was a buzz in the air, nerves and excitement mingling with the expected energy that comes from sticking a bunch of young boys and girls together. He let a smile slip out as he felt like laughing, but decided against it on the grounds that he wouldn't want to be branded crazy on his first day.
"Hello! Hi! Oh, sorry! Hey, have a good day! Hola!" Lazarus couldn't help but enthusiastically greet every single person he bumped into on the way, his bubbling joy rising to the surface on every encounter. He spun freely, darting by boys and girls ranging from the totally normal to pink skinned and horned, each one most likely imbued with a power he couldn't even begin to guess. He was here, he was one of them, he was one of the few able to prove their power as worthy to stand among the strong. The day was his to seize, as soon as he made it to homeroom, that was.
The inside of the school was far more organized, with wide, long hallways and massive stairways to facilitate all the different sized and shaped students, and the number of people who needed to use them at a single time. Lazarus was continually impressed with every corner he took, the obvious planning and design becoming more apparent as he climbed higher up towards the 1-B classroom. The walk was brisk, Lazarus knew he was too full of energy to take time admiring the view, even if he wanted to more than anything else.
And then he was there.
The door was massive, Lazarus knew it was most likely some kind of legal accessibility thing, but he really didn't care, because it would make his entrance all the more dramatic. He reached for the handle, his mind sharp, before suddenly stopping.
"What the hell am I going to say," Lazarus stroked his chin, following the train of thought, "How do I look, you gotta present to impress Lazarus. New school, new classmates, new ladies and gents...it's time to turn on that sexy foreigner charm." Lazarus reached up to his head and nervously began parting his hair, trying to get the mess on his head to obey his command, yet it refused to listen, even held down by the gallon of product he tried to tame it with each day. Lazarus swore as he took his hands away, finding them incredibly sticky from the product rubbing off, looking both ways for prying eyes before rubbing the product on the side of his shirt.
"Not like anyone will see the edges of my shirt, and hey, maybe the untucked look will add to my mystique…yeah, yeah! Lazarus, bad boy transfer student..."
Lazarus moved to reach for the handle, before grimly realizing his hands were taking his shirt with them. Looking down, his hands were firmly stuck against his shirt, the cheap product instantly hardening on contact with the fabric, already turning his white shirt a sickly yellow colour at the edges of his fingertips. Lazarus suddenly wanted nothing more than to die and start again. Struggling to separate his hand from their cotton prison, while at the same time not ripping his shirt.
"Now, now this stupid ass dollar-store junk holds true to the 'never unstick' promise, huh? Huh? Damn it!" Lazarus spoke a little too loudly, his mind reeling as he simply yanked, finally separating his hands and leaving two obvious handprints on his shirt.
"Screw it. This can't get any worse. Just go for it. Go for it! Remember, you are Lazarus Poe, American Transfer Hero-to-be, you are a mysterious figure who's cool, calm and always collected, alright!" Lazarus muttered, pitching his voice up in frustration, his confidence building as he began to hop from one foot to the other, hyping himself up for his entrance, before throwing the door open.
"This 1-B?" Lazarus spoke, adding a bit of base to his voice as he posed one hand against the doorway while the other gently moving a strand of hair away from his eye. At the same moment, he came face to face with a girl, with a single tired dull blue eye staring at him from just a few inches away from his face, her face mostly masked by grey hair. Lazarus froze.
"You talk too loudly for someone who wants to be seen as mysterious." She flatly spoke, looking him up and down, before moving away, revealing the desks near the doorway, currently filled with a girl with red hair giggling, Tetsutetsu shaking his head and Juzo grinning (or maybe that was just how his toothy face always looked.)
Lazarus took a deep breath in, accepting the situation for what it was, "Nowhere to go but up from here." He spoke proudly while putting a goofy smile on his face and taking a massive step forward, forgetting that his product covered hand was still on the doorway, resulting in his footing giving out from under him, swinging his whole body back towards the doorway. Lazarus felt his world go blurry as he smacked his head against the doorway, flat on his ass and still attached to the entryway by his hand. Neito walked past him, still smiling.
"Wow, I'm guessing this situation just makes you wanna die, huh Lazarus?" Neito mocked as he walked past, placing his things down at a desk nearby, Lazarus squinted his eyes.
"You know what you're saying, don't you?" Lazarus's accusation seemingly had little effect on Neito, as he only shrugged and chuckled, sitting down.
Sighing, Lazarus pulled himself to his feet, yanking his hand away from the doorway as he kept his head down and wandered to the back left corner of the room, putting himself as far away from the door and embarrassment as humanly possible. Hanging his head in his hands as he took a deep breath, trying to raise his energy up.
Suddenly, a strong voice cut through the whole room, slicing through the sparse conversations with a deep base, "Silence! Class has begun!"
In two seconds, silence fell over the room. Lazarus was startled, he had never seen an American class react so quickly, but he supposed this was a class of the best of the best.
A grey haired man, wearing a suit and built like a tank with a X shaped scar across his face, stomped into the room with such force that Lazarus, even from the back corner, felt shaken by his entrance. Lazarus glanced around and saw that other than Neito, everyone else seemed just as intimidated by the hulking man before them. He stood behind the small podium at the front of the room, before the massive chalkboard, eyeing the entire class. Lazarus swallowed his fear and tried to focus.
The man scoffed, "I am your homeroom teacher, Sekijiro Kan, also known as Vlad King, the blood Hero!" Kan yet again scoured the room, looking for something in each of them, and thought Lazarus knew it was most likely his imagination, it felt like Kan's eyes lingered on him a moment longer then most.
"I look out at you all, and you know what I see?" Kan began, leaning in, causing several students, Lazarus included, to lean back in their seats, first Stain, and now Kan, how intimidating were Japanese heroes?
Kan continued, not waiting for a responce, "I see…" Lazarus stiffened, wondering what was going to come next, would he insult them? Tell them all they were unworthy? Would he be expelled on his first day?
The energy of the room rose higher and higher, everyone waiting for his next words, Kan's eyes still sweeping over the class, "I see...A group of fantastic young minds! Heroes-to-be who will be shaped into true paragons of order here!" Kan laughed, and instantly, the tension in the room snapped.
"He's super nice!" Lazarus screamed as several students cried in relief along with him. Instantly, Kan stomped on the ground, within seconds, everyone except Lazarus was seated again, leaving him stranded on his feet at the back.
Kan stared directly at him, Lazarus felt like a deer in the headlights, unable to figure out if he should just pretend like standing was his plan all along or simply take his seat.
"What's your name." Kan spoke to Lazarus from across the room, most of the class purposefully averted their eyes, pretending not to have ever seen Lazarus before. Lazarus found the energy to move his jaw.
"Lazarus! Lazarus Poe, Poe Lazarus! ...That's not my name, well it is, but not the right order, haha! ...it's Just Lazarus, Lazarus, Just isn't my first name, my first name is Lazarus, Poe is my family name, am I saying it backwards in Japanese? I'm not really use to that yet, oh! Sorry, Sir-Sensi, Sensi-Sir? Sirsirsensi- I'm just gonna take my seat real quickly now." Lazarus babbled as he slowly inched his way back to his desk and sunk down into his chair, pretending not to hear the snickering from around him as he melted into his chair. He could feel Tetsutetsu judging him from across the room.
Kan stared at him for a moment longer, before taking a deep breath and readdressing the class, "Listen up! I may see potential in all of you, but that's all I see, potential. Nothing has been realized yet. That's why you've come to UA! To take your talents that put you above your peers and refine them into something even farther beyond!" Kan pounded the podium passionately as he pointed at random parts of the class, wrapped up entirely by his speech.
"Maybe you were once the top dogs of wherever you came from, but UA is different, you've been put in a bigger pond than before! Everyone around you? Everyone in this school? They are now your competition, each one of you is fighting for a spot in the big leagues now." Kan paused, taking a breath, "Everyone else is now, also, your greatest ally, each one of you will see something in someone else that is better than you, and through that, you will come to push yourselves to greater heights, in turn inspiring others. That is the unique and great thing about UA, here, we don't strive for mediocrity. Plus Ultra! To go even further beyond is our motto! Plus Ultra!" Kan knocked over the podium and pointed to the ceiling dramatically, scattering a stack of cue cards carefully hidden behind it. Lazarus couldn't have cared less as the class burst into cheers.
"YEAH! PLUS ULTRA!" Lazarus cried as he knocked over his own desk and lept to his feet, instantly silencing the class as his desk hit the floor. Lazarus smiled as everyone turned yet again to face him, regarding him with everything from pity to poorly held giggles. Kan once again regarded him with a neutral expression of vague disappointment.
Lazarus snapped his fingers and pointed at Kan, deciding he had embarrassed himself enough today, "Got it, tone down the plus ultra, more, neutral ultra. Okay." Lazarus spoke as he quietly picked up his desk and sat back down, the attention returning back to Kan.
Kan looked as if he wanted to say something, then decided against it as he nodded once and looked around, "Any questions?" The class seemed to shift, Lazarus could note several people who clearly had questions, but didn't want to be the first to say something, especially after Lazarus's double faux pas. Lazarus saw a hand go up somewhere in the middle of the class as a student stood up.
Lazarus rubbed his eyes as he looked at the student again, confirming that he wasn't seeing things and the boy did in fact appear to have a comic-style speech bubble as a head. Now he had seen everything. From the back of the class, Lazarus couldn't hear the boy say anything, but from the way everyone was staring at his face, Lazarus assumed that there was writing he wasn't privy to. After a moment, Kan nodded again.
"Good question." Kan spoke, and Lazarus couldn't help but tilt his head, hoping he would elaborate, or at least answer in full sentences, "I will be teaching basic hero training for you, but you will have a variety of other pro heroes who will come in for workshops and special classes, here at UA, we, the teachers, have the freedom to change the curriculum and classes however we see fit. That is within reason, obviously, we still have to make sure you learn academic skills as well, we want you all to be well rounded heroes and students at the end of your time here." As Kan finished speaking, Lazarus reached into his bag and pulled out a small black notebook, reaching for a pen with his other hand and biting off the cap, holding it in his mouth as he began writing. Mumbling to himself.
"Basic Hero Training; Big muscle man Kan." Lazarus sighed as he flipped a few pages back, looking over his cut and pasted day schedule beside his monthly budget. Closing the book completely, Lazarus slipped it back into his bag, looking up to see Kan taking more questions, mostly about course content and his own background as a hero. Both things Lazarus knew he could find on his own and didn't need to pay full attention to. For the first time, Lazarus took a good look around him. The corner, and the whole class, was pretty sparse compared to the american classrooms he was use to, other than the desks and a closet in the back, there wasn't anything noteworthy about the layout. Lazarus realized the only people he knew here were Tetsutetsu, Neito and Juzo, even then, he didn't really know anything about them other then their names. Lazarus looked to his right, realizing in his rush he hadn't even seen who was sitting around him.
The boy beside him had messy brown hair and black pupils, giving him an unfortunately constant zoned out look on his face. Though even so, he seemed to be paying total attention to Kan. Lazarus really didn't want to make more of a hassle then he already had, so he decided to leave him alone for now, instead looking directly in front of him at the back of a girl's head. She had a full head of dark wavy green hair, and that was all Lazarus could really deduce about her from the back of her head.
As if on cue, the girl in front of him suddenly bent her back and tilted her head over the head of the chair, staring directly at Lazarus with a wry smile on her face, her equally dark green eyes playfully regarding him. Lazarus flinched, unsure about what to do. She chuckled quietly and smiled, bringing her hand by her face to wave enthusiastically at him. Lazarus relaxed and gave his own little wave, before he was hit in the face with a crumpled piece of paper. Before Lazarus could think, she had gone back to sitting normally, humming as she drummed her fingers on her own desk.
Looking at the crumpled ball, Lazarus carefully unfolded it, wincing as he was confronted with his greatest foe; written japanese. He had immersed himself in the verbal language, but damn it if he wasn't still far too slow at translating. He placed his finger on the start of the sentence and traced it, speaking the words in english as he put it through his mental filter.
"I'm Setsuna Tokage, you really know how to make an entrance-" Lazarus paused and sighed, shaking his head, "Nice to meet you Just-Poe-Kun-" Lazarus stopped completely, groaning as he couldn't help but smile, flipping the paper over and writing slowly on the back, yet again needing to put verbal words to his thoughts.
"It's nice to meet you Setsuna," He frowned and crossed that part out, hearing Hanta beratting him inside his own mind, "Tokage-Chan, please please please just call me Lazarus." Lazarus yawned as he deftly folded and flicked the paper back onto Setsuna's desk in a single swift move, glad that his years of practice of not getting caught passing notes was finally paying off for something.
After what felt like three seconds, the paper was being tossed at his face again, Lazarus managed to catch it this time, eyeing Kan at the front of the room, still taking questions and seemingly none the wiser of his note passing. Lazarus opened it to see a single question hastily scrawled in big lettering.
"You speak english?" He read in english, a little louder than his previous mumbling, noticing Setsuna's ears perk slightly. Lazarus chucked, taking a moment to think about what to write next as Setsuna rocked back and forth in her chair, clearly waiting for his response. Lazarus wrote down 'yes' in english, slipping it into her eagerly waiting hand.
"Lazarus Poe." Kan's voice traveled over the room, shocking Lazarus momentarily, had Kan seen? Was he about to get kicked out on his first day for passing notes of all things?
"Yes." Lazarus replied intensely, hoping to feign an understanding of what he was being called for, however before he could plan out the next words to come out of his mouth, Kan had already looked back down at the list in his hand and called out the next name. Lazarus deflated, resolving to pay more attention to Kan. He was instantly blindsided by another bit of paper bouncing off his forehead. Lazarus sighed as he picked it up, unfolding it to reveal a massive mess of writing, clearly put down as quickly as possible. Before he could even begin to decode it, it was snatched out of his hands by Setsuna. She had turned around and was smiling widely at him.
"We'll talk later! That's so cool!" As quickly as she spoke, she had turned around, going back to watching Kan at the front of the class. Lazarus turned his attention forward as well.
Kan had finished calling attendance and was currently standing still, checking his watch. After a moment, he nodded and turned to the class, "Okay everyone! It's time to head down to the first year orientation! Take this time as a valuable chance to form bonds with the other first year students in the support course, general studies, business course, and obviously your rivals-to-be in class one-A!" As Kan finished, he marched his way to the doorway and threw it open, "See you all down there, meet back in class when the orientation ends!" Without another word, Kan slipped out the door and was down the hallway, leaving the class to head downstairs at their own pace.
Lazarus sighed, standing up and grabbing his backpack, slinging a single strap over his shoulder as he stared down at his feet, maybe this wasn't the best start to his school year, but he had a feeling it was only uphill from here. Lazarus nodded, shaking his shoulders to adjust the weight on his backpack. He looked towards the doorway, his vision completely obscured by Setsuna's excited face uncomfortably close to his own.
"So can we talk about you speaking english now?" Setsuna spoke, leaning in even closer to him. Lazarus leaned back, falling back into his chair, his face feeling incredibly warm.
"Is personal space an American concept or something?" Lazarus mumbled, standing up again, and brushing imaginary dirt off his pants. Setsuna giggled, tapping on the floor with her shoe.
"So you are American! Sweet! That makes two of you! I didn't think UA would have people from all over the world, but it's super awesome! I'm excited to work with you Poe-kun, Plus Ultra and all that! Haha!" Setsuna exploded with excitement, her mouth moving at a hundred miles an hour, leaving Lazarus a little unsure on what exactly he was expected to reply to.
"...Wait, two of us?" He spoke carefully, unsure if he had heard correctly, Setsuna pointed over her shoulder towards the door, Lazarus followed her pointing, catchin a blond haired girl with massive horns turning the corner and moving away from the class.
"Pony-chan, that's her name, she's an American as well! Not sure where she's from, I honestly don't know much about America other than the names All Might shouts when he does his smashes! Like Texas! And Detroit! And Arkansas!" Setsuna jumped, pointing to the ceiling as if the American locations were painted in long strokes above her. Lazarus couldn't help but laugh, this was too much.
Setsuna suddenly gasped, her eyes widening before staring directly at Lazarus, "Oh, right! Pony-chan didn't want me to call her by her last name, so do you prefer Lazarus-kun? You can call me Setsuna if you want, even though we don't know each other that well, if it makes it easier for you." Lazarus blinked, having to remind himself again that people didn't call each other by their first names not just in writing, but even in conversation unless they were good friends. Still the offer was appreciated, Lazarus couldn't help but smile and give Setsuna a thumbs up.
"Thanks Setsuna-chan, it's... nice to have someone excited to see me here, I guess, I apreciate your efforts to make me feel welcome. We should-" Before Lazarus could finish, Setsuna wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him down to her height. Yet again getting uncomfortably close to him.
Setsuna poked his cheek with a finger, a mischievous grin written across her face, her green hair tickled the back of his neck and Lazarus couldn't help but note that she smelled vaguely of flowers and chocolate, "Stick with me Lazarus! I'll teach you everything you need to know! I'll make your 'American Dream' come true!" Before Lazarus could say anything else, the grey haired girl from before strolled right up to Setsuna and grabbed her by her other arm, sighing as she pulled Setsuna away from Lazarus.
"Okay, you've assaulted the clumsy foreigner enough for today, come on Setsuna-chan, we've got to get to the orientation." The grey haired girl mumbled as she continued to drag Setsuna away, who was half-heartedly resisting.
"Reiko-Chan! I was just about to trap him! He'd have no choice but to be part of my entourage! Uh-, Bye Lazarus-kun! See you in class!" Setsuna waved enthusiastically as Reiko dragged her out of the room.
He stood there for a moment longer, snickering at the display, before moving towards the door himself, hoping that he could still remember how to get to the orientation hall.
Lazarus was surprised at how completely ordinary the orientation was, he expected explosions and fireworks, instead he got speeches and lists of expectations. He remembered almost nothing, it was dull, expected and exactly the kind of event he would have skipped back in America.
But damn it if it wasn't cool to get lectured about code of conduct by a dude who had a bunch of villain fights under his belt.
Taking a moment, he looked around at the student body milling in the large yet ordinary gymnasium. He recognized a few of his new classmates, and the support class was easily spotted with their gadgets and knick-knacks, but he had to admit the business students and general studies students blended together in such a way that he couldn't really tell them apart. More than that, Lazarus became aware of another more pressing fact.
"Where is class A?" Neito sighed, shaking his head, "I was hoping to size them up, which is impossible if they don't bother showing." Lazarus couldn't help but chuckle.
"Maybe they got held up? It's a big school, easy to get lost in." He grinned as Neito gave him an unamused look. Before he could say anything else, Juzo came over, his regular toothy grin replaced with a contemplative frown, "What's up Juzo?"
Juzo lifted a hand and shrugged, "Speaking of class A, seems they're starting their training early, someone from the business course spotted them out on the field on their way over here." Lazarus shared a look with Neito, both surprised.
"Whohohoh, they're skipping out on orientation to train? Seriously? What is this, the military? Can't they take one day to meet their fellow schoolmates before trying to outdo them?" Lazarus groaned as he rubbed his forehead, feeling a little peeved that his supposed 'rival class' would remain nameless and faceless. Juzo laughed.
"Hey, we'll have team building over them, right?" Lazarus couldn't help but smile as Juzo joked around.
Lazarus stretched out and yawned, "Well, class for us starts pretty boring, but we have hero training first thing tomorrow, so we got that to look forward to." The other boys agreed, nodding as they all began to move around the gym, silence descending over the group.
"I guess we should go talk to general studies or something-" Lazarus started, trying to break the silence.
Before Lazarus could finish, Kan's voice came over the intercom, clearly irritated. "All class B students! Please report back to the class to pick up your exercise uniform and report to the field! Now! Thank you." All three boys looked at one another, Lazarus felt a grin rise on his own face as the two boys processed the announcement.
"Well gents," Lazarus began, turning to walk back to the class, "I guess we're not going to be outdone without a fight."
Lazarus threw himself in front of Isaac, catching a bullet in his shoulder. He grunted, feeling warm liquid run down his arm. The gang member before his swore, lifting his gun, intending to finish Lazarus off once and for all. Lazarus knew these guys weren't like the other gangs they had fought, there was no rules here, only death.
Thankfully, death was his forte.
Lazarus rushed towards the man, and without hesitation, the man let loose the rest of his clip into Lazarus. Lazarus laughed, the bullets stinging, but doing nothing to actually stop his charge. With a single drawn back fist, Lazarus down the thug with a blow across the jaw, knocking him to the ground and out instantly. Lazarus huffed, shaking his body, hoping that the soreness he felt was just surface pain.
Isaac moved beside him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Are you alright?" The question was almost comic, with how many bullet wounds had punctured his body, but Lazarus still found it within him to smile.
"I'm not dead yet, am I?"