Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time.
AN: This one deals with a bit more of Snow's feelings, later on than the last chapter. Particularly her feelings during season 6. This is inspired by a gif set I recently saw on Tumblr, Snow White is sick of it. Just a little warning. It doesn't bash Emma or Regina, but does call them out a bit. It's usually all about their pain and I feel Snow's gets ignored.
Also, if you have submitted a prompt, I am working on it. It's just taking a bit longer on some and I don't like to push these things.
SecretLoveCara: I am working on your prompt about Snowing keeping it interesting in the bedroom, though I aspire to the headcanon that they have no trouble in this area. :)
Laccorra: You asked for a Girl's Night Out. I did that with chapter 9 "Reputation". But I will add this to my list and see if I can come up with another one.
Keybearer001: You asked for a one shot of James getting a second chance. I have added it to my list. Hopefully, I'll get to it soon. My writing load is a little large right now though so bear with me. ;)
Jadedgurl05: I know you submitted your prompt a while ago about Charming being the one to go through the wardrobe instead of Snow. I have this one my list too. I just haven't found exactly how I want to write it yet. But I promise it will come to me eventually. :)
As for any existing chapters that need sequels, I'm working on those too. Thanks for all the amazing reviews and keep them coming. The prompts too! I know it takes me a bit longer than some, but I like to think when I do get a chapter out, they are high quality chapters. :)
Once Upon a Snowing
Sick of It
"This is the same exact person that put us under a sleeping curse...five minutes ago,"
The words echoed in Snow's head, as he lay curled against Charming. Sure, the curse was broken and she was happily reunited with the man she loved. They had a private reunion of their own, several times in fact, and she should have been exhausted. Yet, she was wide awake, thinking about all they had endured.
Those words expressed just how frustrated Snow was sometimes. She didn't often let it show like that, but it was no wonder. Her words had been brushed aside. I mean, how dare she think the Evil Queen didn't deserve happiness? A long sigh escaped her lips and she recalled venting those frustrations to her daughter after that evening. She usually didn't unload on Emma like that. That's always something she only did with Charming. He knew exactly how to soothe her emotions, most of the time with a simple kiss to her forehead or his arms around her. It never truly healed those scars she would always bare, but he at least made them bearable. Still, it had been good for her to talk to Emma about her own feelings, even if she felt a bit guilty. Despite being the same age, Emma was the child and she was the parent. Emma wasn't supposed to see the cracks in her armor...
A few days ago
Snow stormed into the loft, after leaving the diner early. Celebrating the happiness of a woman that had destroyed hers was too much. And she was tired hearing about how much the Queen had suffered. Snow knew suffering too and she felt herself tear up, as she gazed at her sleeping husband. Gently, she put her sleeping son down in his bassinet and then sat down beside him on the bed.
She and Charming weren't perfect. They had made mistakes and had regrets, but for the most part, they had always tried to be good people. They didn't have to try not to kill people. It was never Snow's first instinct to want to rip out someone's heart. It was her first instinct to protect those she loved and it had led to her doing things she regretted. But murder had never been something she had to try not to do. Yet a woman who confessed that her first instinct was to rip out a person's throat was merrily on her way to happiness, while Snow sat next to her other half, wishing his eyes would open, but knowing they wouldn't. All because of a secret she had told as a child that she should have never been entrusted with in the first place.
"I don't know how much longer I can do this, Charming. I need you. I need you to tell me it's going to be all right like you always do, even if we don't know if it is. I need you to hold me and kiss my hair and tell me to have faith. I need to see your smile and the way your eyes light up when you look at me and our children," she sobbed for several moments, clutching his hand, until she heard a soft voice.
"Mom?" Emma called into the loft. Snow nearly panicked and started furiously wiping her tears away. She gazed into the broken mirror on her vanity and tried to make herself presentable, however futile it was.
"Just a minute honey," she called, as she checked on her sleeping baby and then came out from behind the curtain.
"Mom…" Emma said, as she could clearly see her mother had been crying.
"I'm fine sweetheart...really," Snow insisted.
"You're not fine. Please talk to me," Emma pleaded.
"You don't need to be burdened with my problems, especially when you have your own. I know you're still hurting since Hook left," Snow said.
"And sometimes I get caught up in my own pain. I forget that you have pain too. It was pretty clear that a lot of people have, but when I saw the Queen walk off into the sunset tonight, I realized that you're literally in hell right now," Emma replied.
"It's tough...but I'm fine honey," Snow tried to deflect.
"You're not fine...stop saying you're fine," Emma snapped.
"You and Dad are not fine. Yesterday, I told Dad that my fiance killed his father and left me. And you know what? He somehow shoved his anger aside and comforted me. Then today, you find out the Queen gets off scot free while you and Dad are still cursed. Yet you ask me if I'm okay?" Emma ranted.
"I mean when did I become such a brat?" Emma lamented.
"Sweetie, you're not a brat. We all get a little caught up in our own stuff sometimes," Snow soothed.
"You and Dad don't. Hell, when you do, I've seen people chide you for it. I've chided you for it. You and Dad almost always put your own crap aside to help me or Regina. And you keep getting screwed over for it!" Emma cried.
"Honey...none of this is your fault," Snow said.
"I know...it's the Queen. Dammit, she's my best friend, but it's Regina's fault! All of it!" Emma cried. But Snow was silent.
"Mom…" Emma prompted.
"What do you want me to say, Emma?" Snow asked, feeling a bit lost.
"I want you to yell and scream about how unfair it is! I want you to be angry! I want you to feel like you're allowed to feel something without fear that someone will call you out!" Emma cried.
"I'm not sure that's going to solve anything, honey," Snow said dejectedly.
"Probably not...but at least it might be therapeutic," Emma said. But still Snow held back, keeping that roaring inferno inside. So Emma tried something else.
"You know...I blamed you and Dad for abandoning me for a long time," she stated.
"We did. It was never our intention for you to be alone...but it happened and it was our fault. My fault…" Snow lamented.
"Yeah...I let it rest on your shoulders, but you and Dad aren't the only people to blame. Others had a hand it and more than just Regina. Blue, Gepetto, and Archie. I mean who needs enemies with friends like that," she said.
"I don't think they meant to do harm. Gepetto was only trying to protect his child. I understand that," Snow replied.
"Yeah maybe...but you should hate Blue's guts," Emma spat.
"Hate doesn't get us anywhere, Emma. Regina should be the prime example of that," Snow chided.
"That's awfully diplomatic of you," Emma goaded.
"I'm not sure what you want from me, Emma," Snow spat, a little harsher than she wanted to. But her daughter smirked. She was getting somewhere now.
"I want you to stop holding in this anger. With Dad around, you're able to let it go pretty easily it seems, but it's there and it's worse if you don't let it out. It's just us. You can say whatever the hell you want and no one else will know," Emma said, as he hand glowed and she put a shield around her sleeping baby brother.
"Now Neal won't even hear you and get scared," Emma tempted. Snow stared at her for a long moment and then back at her husband, who couldn't open his eyes, because they had once again been screwed over by someone who felt it was her right to inflict pain on them. Then came the explosion
"You know what? You're right...I hate the Evil Queen! There...I said it! I may love Regina, but I hate that part of her that did all this to us! Dammit...she's not the only one who's ever suffered! I was barely an adult when she forced me to run away from the only home I ever knew. I was hunted, Emma, like some animal! Then she sent some woodcutter after me who locked me in his dungeon. Who knows what he had in mind for me before he turned me over to the Queen. Oh, and then she almost burned me alive. But you were there for that one. Then she used my true love to force me to bite into her poison apple and eternal sleep awaited me. But she didn't stop there. She just had to win, so she cursed us and ripped you and your father away from me for twenty-eight years!" Snow cried.
"And then she has the audacity to claim herself the victim when I didn't forgive her right away. That I saw what I thought was her kill Archie and believed it, because what reason had she given me not to?" Snow ranted.
"Then I killed Cora...a woman who would have killed us all without a second thought and yet I was the villain then. And Marco...I might have said I regretted slapping him that day, but I don't. I should have marched right over to the convent and punched Blue in the face. But no, I'm Snow White, and I'm put on a pedestal above everyone else. And when I fall off that pedestal, I had better be prepared to be kicked for it," Snow shouted.
"And don't even get me started on your fiance. Robert's death has haunted Charming his entire life, but it's okay, Hook's "good" now so there's no reason for him to be angry, perish the thought! It's only something that has eaten at your father his entire life!" Snow cried, as she finally broke down in sobs again. Emma held her mother and let her cry against her.
"I'm sorry...you don't need this," Snow said, as she tried to pull away.
"I'm fine Mom...let me do the comforting for once. It shouldn't always be about me," Emma replied.
"I just...I don't usually let it get to me. I mean, I vent to your father and he's always so comforting. He takes me in his arms and kisses my head and just lets me ramble to my heart's content. I miss him...I need him…" Snow sobbed.
"I know...we'll break this curse," Emma promised. Snow sniffed.
"There might not be a way," Snow replied.
"Come on Mom...you of all people know there's always hope," Emma told her. Snow hummed.
"You really believe all that hope stuff I always spout?" she asked.
"I do...really. Dad believes it too and Henry. He takes after you in that respect. He always believes. He always has hope and he gets that from you," she promised.
"Thanks honey," Snow said, as they sat there in each other's arms for a while longer…
Snow smiled gently at the memory. She wasn't exactly proud of her little episode, but Emma had been right. She needed it. She had felt so close to her daughter in that moment...and then Hook returned and Emma's focus was back to him. Snow understood, she supposed. She herself would do anything to get Charming back.
That's why she had given Emma the poppy, what she thought might be the only way to break the sleeping curse at the time. She had hoped Emma might choose them and her baby brother. She hadn't and she and Charming were still trying to accept that, at least privately. On the surface, it was all smiles for their daughter. As Queen, she had been forced to put her people before Emma when they had opened that door. And in her guilt, she had been willing to give up everything for her, even raising her son, as much as that would have killed them.
Somehow, everything worked out, though she knew how badly it could have gone too. Emma chose Killian over them and she would spend probably the rest of her life trying to be okay with that; they both would. But as she felt his arms around her, somehow she knew she could do it with him by her side. How they truly felt on certain matters, whether it be Hook or others that had wronged them without consequence, would never be known to anyone else but them. For Snow and Charming, they would step back onto those pedestals that people put them on. And when one or both of them inevitably stumbled again, they would be there to catch each other when no one else would, because they would never be separated again...