Author: ILoveNASCAR

Title: Fantasies


The petite redhead opened the basement door, inhaling the scent of sawdust, familiar since childhood. It brought memories both pleasant and painful, of her father allowing her and her sister to 'help' him with his projects, playing with the sawdust, getting it in their hair, dirt on their faces. She shrugged the memory off, focusing on her purpose. She found her father sitting on his work bench, not working on his current boat, just sitting there, staring off into space. She tossed a costume catalog down, watching it open in front of him, on the military page, to a couple wearing matching uniforms, complete with matching dog whistles. "What?" Jethro Gibbs asked, looking up as his daughter came downstairs.

"Pick a costume," Regan Gibbs said, hands on her hips, looking much as her mother had when scolding him. "You're going."

"This isn't the year for it, honey." He looked up at her, into her eyes. "What's left to celebrate?" He remembered taking her and Kelly trick-or-treating when they were little, fairies and princesses, both so perfect, no way of knowing what would happen.

"This isn't about Halloween. This is about Abby's birthday." She considered the gothic lab tech a long-lost sister, although never a replacement for Kelly. "This can't still be about Jenny."

He turned to look at her. "I don't want…"

"It's not about you. It's about Abby." She paused. "You really can't forgive Jenny? What did she do that was so horrible?" She asked, sitting down beside him.

"She…she killed someone," he finally admitted.

"La Grenuoille?" He looked at her. "I'm not a child. I know what happened. But what makes it any different than what you did to Ari? Or…"

"Or?" Gibbs asked, a look in his eyes that usually meant not to go any further.

"I know what happened after Mom and Kelly…You went away and I stayed with Gramps. And then you came back and we pretended everything was fine." She paused. "But don't think for a second I don't know what really happened."

"That's different…" He said, watching the tears that he knew she wouldn't shed, choking over the lump in his throat that was still there.

"Because Jenny did it, but she had her reasons, just like you did. And to not forgive her is to not forgive yourself. If you wanna do that, that's fine, we've both been down that road before…" She paused. "But don't punish Abby because of it. She deserves better. Mom used to say 'self expression heals the wounded heart'," Regan bit her bottom lip and he studied her, not sure where she was going. "Abby's trying to heal everyone with this party. And you're going if I have to have Ducky help me drag you kicking and screaming. Got it?"

He looked into her eyes, knowing she was right. Everyone had suffered when Jen left, but, like when he'd lost Shannon , he was so angry about his loss that he missed seeing what his family was going through, that they needed him.

*****

Regan let the screen door slam, walking out to the porch. She'd had three 'legal' stepmothers and one she'd 'adopted', not as another mother, but family all the same. Jenny Shepherd turned, her smile fading as she saw the aggravated expression on her friend's face combined with the lonely look in her eyes. "What'd he do now?"

"He's not coming if you're coming and you're not coming if he's coming and Abby's birthday's turned into this huge ordeal. Tony won't be able to come home, you two aren't coming and if you do you'll start World War III…all that's left is Ducky, McGee, Ziva, and me."

"I'll come." Regan turned and looked at her friend. "I'll be there. I'll behave. If you can get your father to do the same, that'll be nice, but between you and Ducky, if only for Abby, there will be no World War III." Regan studied her and Jen raised a hand. "I promise."

Regan smiled, moving some of her red hair behind an ear. "The theme is 'fantasies'. Everyone picks a fantasy they want to be for their costume."

Jenny sensed a tone in her voice. "What are you going to be?"

"I don't know." She paused, having thousands of fantasies, all involving a certain NCIS agent who was thousands, maybe millions, of miles away on a ship. "Abby and I are going shopping together."

Jenny nodded. "I never meant for things to get this complicated. Never wanted to hurt any of you." She'd never meant the team to be disbanded, to be taken away from Gibbs, never meant to be fighting like this with Jethro. She'd hoped he would understand, but since she'd left Washington , she really felt as if she had died. "You know what they say…self-expression heals…"

"The wounded heart," Regan finished for her. "Yeah, I know." She paused. "Mom used to say that all the time."

Jenny nodded. Once she'd finally found out about Shannon , it was like a weight had been lifted off the girl. Where her father had never wanted to discuss it, now she finally had someone to listen to her stories, listen to how much she still missed her family, even after almost two decades.

"Abby'll be glad you're coming."

Jenny's eyes connected with her friends. "Don't tell her. Let it be a surprise." She saw the look on Regan's eyes, knowing the girl was lonely. The truth was, so was she. She missed talking to her friends, holding Gibbs…they had been so close and, once again, she'd screwed everything up. "I'll be there. I promise."

****

Tony DiNozzo looked at the two pictures on his desk, studying both intently, although he knew every pixel. One had been taken a few years previous, when Jenny and Ziva had been with the team about three months, long enough for him to develop a fascination with his brunette partner and to know that there was more than just a partnership to his two bosses' past. The way they'd looked at each other back then, the tone in her voice when she called him Jethro, the little inside lines no one else got, the way that they only seemed happy when around each other, had made him wonder, although unspoken questions had never been legitimately answered. Their reaction to each other had also made him wonder what it would be like to be that close to a woman, know not only her body, but her mind too, be able to tell what she wanted, what she was thinking, without even asking. He thought that he had found that with Ziva, but after a short fling, realized they were better as partners, as friends, than as lovers, although he still could admit she was one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen. He'd tried again with Jeanne, but Jenny was right when she said he'd known, in his heart, what that outcome would be. He was no longer sure if he had loved her or if it had been trying to fill that void in his life. He'd heard more than once in his life, especially as he grew older, that there was one, sometimes two, great loves of people's lives. He wasn't sure that his father had ever found one, much less two. He believed that Gibbs had found his two in Jenny and in his first wife, Regan's mom. There were four women who had made an imprint big enough for him to even consider in his life. One was dead, two hadn't worked out, and the other was an impossible dream. He had been friends with Regan since joining NCIS. She and Kate had been the ones to take care of him after he'd nearly died from the plague. She had been the one to make him laugh after Jeanne, cheer him up as no one else could, but it had taken these months on the ship to make him realize…he was in love with his best friend. The revelation would have been okay by itself, but he wasn't sure the pleasure would be worth the pain if Gibbs found out. He remembered once making a comment about dating Gibbs' daughter & could still feel the slap on the back of the head and Gibbs' answer of 'only once'. He knew it was probably just as well that he was here on a ship halfway around the world, that Regan was in Washington with the others, but he missed her…every day.

*****

Gibbs looked at the pictures on his nightstand of his four favorite redheads. One was taken almost two decades before, when Kelly and Shannon were still alive, an Easter picture with him, his wife, and his daughters. Kelly had her stuffed horse that she carried everywhere. Regan had an angelic smile on her face, but the twinkle in her eye alluded to the mischief she had been up to right before the picture was snapped and would likely get into again right after she was permitted to move. Shannon was beautiful, perfect as always, smiling, Kelly on her lap, a restrictive yet gentle hand on Regan's shoulder, using her other hand to hold his. He was never home, never with his girls long enough. Shannon had always taken it in stride, never quite happy about it but never saying anything either. It was all his girls had ever known, but while Kelly made every day he was home an adventure, a party, Regan refused to talk to him before he left, especially as she grew older.

The other picture was a picture of himself and Jenny. He had many pictures of them while they were dating, in their partnership, but the one he had out was one Ducky had taken last Christmas. She was dressed in a black velvet and lace dress and had talked him into wearing a suit. They were laughing at something one of their agents was doing and his arm was around her, although he didn't even remember doing it at the time. He'd foolishly assumed that everything from La Grenuoille, all their past troubles, were all behind them. Little did he know this was coming, that she would leave again, that he would be alone. Shannon had been his wife, but Jenny was his partner, his equal. He had become 'the other half' twice in his life and lost both…did that mean he lost himself?

He looked at the clock on the wall, not far from the picture of 'the kids', Abby, McGee, Ziva, Tony, and Regan. He knew he had to get dressed, had to go to the party. He remembered how hard it had been to move on after Shannon 's death, but he'd finally realized that Regan still needed him to be her father…just like the team still needed him to be a leader, on and off work. He looked at the picture of Jenny again and his heart hurt just as badly as it had the days she'd walked away from him, not only a few months before in Washington , but the first time…in Paris . He still loved her and he knew he always would. Hands shaking with nervousness, apprehension, he began to put on the costume he'd decided on wearing.

*****

Regan looked around at the last minute details of her friend's party. The house was decorated with spider webs complete with spiders real enough to make her scream, black bats with red sequin eyes, glow skeletons, and black lights. Halloween CDs were on a loop as background noise. The table was set up buffet-style: cauldrons filled with Caf-Pow, Red Bull, and soft drinks, little skulls filled with candy, orange plates and plasticware, and food, enough to last them until Thanksgiving. There were traditional foods like party mix, pigs in blankets, pizza, and caramel popcorn, but there were Halloween themed treats like black cat & glowing jack-o-lantern cookies, happy pumpkin faces, ice cream vampire bats, and monster bread. She made the last minute adjustment of putting the table up for Abby's gifts, an orange and black tablecloth covering the card table. Just in time, the first guest arrived.

Jenny was more than a little nervous, but was glad that Ducky was there for support. He understood, he didn't press the issue of her leaving or her fight with Gibbs, and she felt as comfortable as she always had in his presence. He knew she was nervous, as well as her reasons for being so. As much as he loved their mutual best friend, Gibbs could be tenacious, unrelenting, very stubborn when it came to fighting with people, especially where Jenny was concerned. He knew it came from the fact that he loved her so much he worried constantly about her, but at times it made Jenny worse, not better, more distant, not closer to him. They both smiled when they saw the blinking bat lights and the pumpkins. There would be no ghosts in the decorations and only Jenny really understood why.

Abby opened the door, grinning, hugging both of them, and Jenny laughed. "You look perfect, Abby."

Abby did a little twirl, showing off her bat girl outfit, a black and red dress, bat wings, and nylon knee-his with her hair in ponytails. She'd seen the costume when she went shopping with Regan, remembered the picture still framed and hanging in her lab that Kate had drawn of her as a bat. "Thank you."

"Beat out Marilyn, my dear," Ducky said, kissing her cheek, referring to Abby's Marilyn Monroe costume she'd worn to the lab one year.

"Thanks, Ducky!" Abby grinned. "You look great too." At least she could tell what Ducky was supposed to be, a Scotsman complete with kilt. She didn't really understand Jenny's costume, but Regan did, smiling as she hugged Jen, kissing her cheek.

"You look great, Jenny." It had taken a lot of convincing to get Jenny to wear the old-fashioned light purple dress with darker purple flowers and her long red hair back in a style from decades before, but even she didn't understand the symbolic nature of the white trench coat she wore as well.

Before Jenny could answer, the doorbell rang again and Ziva came in with McGee. Regan resisted the urge to roll her eyes and, for a split instant, not even a second, was glad that Tony wasn't there. It wasn't that Ziva wanted to attract attention from every man in the room; she just did. It was impossible not to, dressed like Venus, in a white and gold dress, long in the back, but showing off her killer legs in the front, complete with a flower headpiece and gold sandals. Abby gave McGee a look, warning him to comment on Ziva's attire, knowing he could be as bad as Tony if left to his own devices. He smiled innocently at her, like 'who me', before kissing her cheek, allowing himself to get lost in Abby's hug. He had dressed as an old-fashioned writer, complete with turtleneck, slacks, pipe, and scarf, but he wished he'd thought enough to be dressed like a vampire, something more that matched Abby. He wished that their fantasies could be closer to the same, but their relationship was a pipe dream from way ago. He had learned from observing, sometimes it just didn't pay to bring up the past.

"Is Gibbs coming?" McGee asked Regan as she put the present with the others on the table.

"He's supposed to be." She paused, looking at Jenny and then back at McGee. "He had his costume all picked out. He told me he would be here." It wasn't like him to be late though. "Palmer's not, so I guess we'll wait a few more minutes and then get started."

Jenny looked at Ducky. "I knew it. I knew he'd back out if he thought I was coming. I can't believe he'd do this to Abby though. She wanted both of us here."

"Jethro will be here." He looked at the dress she was wearing, looked like it had come straight off of Ilsa in Casablanca . He hoped with all his heart, all he had, that his friend would come, that they could fix what was broken and start again, hopefully for the last time. "He promised the girls." Jenny nodded, knowing he wouldn't let Regan or Abby down.

Regan excused herself outside when Abby began telling ghost stories. Everything about ghosts frightened her, not just the stories, but when her friend started talking about handprints on car doors or finding out the hitchhiker was really a ghost, it just hit a little too close to home. She believed in ghosts, with all her heart, but preferred to think about her mother and sister in Heaven, not haunting places, people, although she had seen her sister's ghost once and thought her father had a few times as well. He would never admit it though, just like he would never admit he was still crazy in love with Jenny. She touched the dark wig she was wearing, straightening it again, wondering again if she shouldn't have temporarily dyed her hair dark instead, knowing it would have been a lot easier. She pulled the cardigan closer to her, the night bitterly cold, as she watched headlights coming up the street and was glad when the familiar truck pulled to a stop and she saw her dad getting out of the driver's side. She was caught unaware, not expecting to see who was sitting on the passenger side. She bit her lower lip, smiling at the same time as she struggled not to cry or run to him.

Tony saw the figure of his best friend on the porch, the dark wig and fifties clothes, looking a lot like June Carter, making Abby's instructions to him to dress like a young Johnny Cash all the more clear. He watched as she hugged her father, whispering something to him, and then Gibbs went inside, alone, Regan staying outside with him.

In his deepest voice, he said, "Hello. I'm Johnny Cash," while trying to keep a straight face, having to smile as Regan laughed, his arms going around her waist. "Well, aren't you going to say anything?" He teased in his regular voice.

"I got the laryngitis," Regan fake-whispered, causing them both to laugh again. He put his arms around her, lifting her, kissing her, and even after he put her down, he held her close, knowing they'd have to part if they went inside.

Gibbs let himself inside, seeing the costumes everyone was wearing. It was obvious that they'd all put a lot of thought into their outfits, as they all seemed to fit their personalities. McGee was the writer, having published one book and, last he'd heard, was working on a second. He saw Abby and remembered the picture Kate had drawn; it had been years and he still wished that there was a way she could be there without losing Ziva or Jen, who had both come to Washington as a result of her death. Ziva looked the part as well and he wondered what DiNozzo would say when he saw his ex-partner. Sometimes Ziva reminded him so much of Jen at that age that he wanted to scream. Jenny had tortured him when they were partners, much like Ziva enjoyed doing to Tony; it wasn't until she'd left the first time that he realized she was more than a partner, more than a best friend, that he truly loved her. He thought of Tony outside, dressed like Johnny Cash, such an odd choice for his agent. He would have thought Magnum, Jack Sparrow, something from a movie, but the only movie connection was Walk The Line, Regan's favorite. The idea flew out of his head as he saw Ducky, dressed in a kilt, and hid a smile, knowing his friend would not appreciate it. Ducky was the quintessential Scotsman; even his cell phone rang ' Scotland the Brave'.

"There's coffee in the kitchen," Ducky said, neglecting to add that there was something else of interest for Gibbs in there too.

Jenny poured herself a cup of coffee, smelling the same familiar scent of Gibbs' favorite brew. It took her back to that little apartment they'd shared working undercover in Paris for those months. She closed her eyes, taking a sip, her hands shaking. She liked to pretend that she wasn't afraid of anything, but the truth was she loved Gibbs too much to lose him in any way, shape, or form. It had taken so many different times, so many different ways, for her to learn that, but it finally sunk in. She didn't want to go on living the way things were, by herself, so far away from him. It was why she'd worn the Casablanca outfit. She was hoping he'd get the message, hoping he'd forgive her. She didn't regret what she'd done, but she did regret the damage it had done in the aftermath.

"A franc for your thoughts," Gibbs whispered, coming out of the party into the kitchen.

"A penny's about all they're worth," Jenny said, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. He was dressed in a trenchcoat and fedora, something she knew did not normally exist in his wardrobe. He was dressed as Rick to her Ilsa.

"You look…" Beautiful, sensational, perfect all ran through his mind. "Great, Jenny. Isn't that…" He looked at the white trench he'd given her all those years ago.

She nodded. "So do you." She paused. "You remembered."

He nodded. The first time he'd ever seen Casablanca was on an old black and white tv, playing late-night on a station in Paris . "I wouldn't bring up Paris if I were you. It's poor salesmanship."

Continuing their quotes in a manner that would put even Tony under the table, she said, "With the whole world crumbling, we pick this time to fall in love."

Gibbs nodded, knowing the whole movie by heart, just as she did many of the John Wayne films he loved. "Yeah. It's pretty bad timing. Where were you, say, ten years ago?"

"Falling in love with you," Jenny answered honestly, not as Ilsa, but as herself.

"Regan said to not forgive you is to not forgive myself." He paused. "After Shannon died…And then with Ari…We all have our reasons."

Jenny shook her head, staring intently into his eyes. "I shouldn't have lied to you, Jethro. I don't know why I did. I never have before…and I never will again."

"In the movie…they didn't end up together. Twice. They didn't say there was ever a third time."

"I didn't know we were in the movie." She paused. "I still love you, Jethro. Always have, always will. You being angry with me will never change that." She paused again. "I know I screwed up. I hurt the team, I ruined Tony's life, I ruined us…"

"You didn't ruin anything." He paused, looking at her, seeing not Ilsa to Rick, but Jen to his Jethro. "No questions, no apologies." He crossed the room, leaned his head down, and kissed her, as he'd been dying to for so long he couldn't remember.

*****

The ghost stories and games were over when Tony and Regan walked in together. He saw Ziva's costume and let out a low appreciative whistle, but kept his arm around Regan's waist until Abby spotted him, hugging him and kissing his face. "Tony!"

Tony couldn't help but laugh. "Happy birthday, Abs."

Regan knew nothing he could do that night would be low-key so she backed off a little, letting the team welcome him home. They all wished he could stay longer, but what counted was that, by some miracle, he was there at all. She noticed her dad and Jenny were missing and looked at Ducky who nodded, looking over at the closed kitchen door. She smiled as Tony grabbed a slice of pizza, hungry for 'real food' as he called it, not the military food from the ship.

Gibbs and Jenny came out of the kitchen together, his arm around her waist, a cup of coffee in his hand. Her eyes lit up when she saw Tony, turning to look at Gibbs. He had pulled every string he knew to get Tony home for two days, but knew what it would mean to his team, to Abby, to see him again. Tony walked across the floor to speak to his former boss, wanting to hug her, but knowing that she wouldn't approve and Gibbs probably wouldn't either.

"I'm sorry, Jenny." The words seemed so small compared to what she'd been through. He couldn't help but notice the limp that would always be there or the way that her face never really could hide all the pain. He hadn't been around long enough after the shooting to realize that no one, especially not Gibbs, referred to the event or its aftermath.

She shook her head. "I told you to go, Tony. It's not your fault." She paused. "I'm sorry…about the ship."

They had both been sentenced to a hell on earth, Jenny the constant pain from her leg, him the ship he hated so much. Both deserved their share of happiness. "Never apologize."

She nodded. "It's a sign of weakness." Gibbs frowned, not sure he liked them quoting him, but held Jenny a little closer, a little tighter anyway, guiding her to sit on the couch as Tony sat on the floor near Regan's chair.

As they all ate Abby's cake, chocolate with Oreos and pudding on top, gummy worms throughout, she carefully began to open her presents in the order Regan had arranged them on the table. First were a beautiful bouquet of black roses and she smiled. Only two people would actually buy her black roses…or know where to get them. "They're perfect, Gibbs! Thank you!" Him bringing Tony home, even for the night, was present enough for her, the roses were the icing on the cake, so to speak.

Gibbs kissed her cheek. "You're welcome, Abs. Happy birthday."

She grinned, as excited as a child at the thought of opening presents. Tony had managed to buy some Halloween DVDs he'd had sent ahead, never dreaming that he'd actually be there for her birthday. Ziva had bought CDs of bands McGee had mentioned her liking. Everyone laughed when Abby hugged the large, yellow stuffed duck Ducky gave her and it quacked in reply.

"I love it, Ducky! I'll put it right by my hippo." The hippo that Gibbs had given her for her birthday was legendary in the fact that it farted every time she hugged it. She'd kept it by her side every day Gibbs had been in Mexico .

"You're welcome, my dear." Ducky smiled, glad she'd liked it, never dreaming that Abby would have liked mud if it came from him, because she knew it came from his heart.

"Oh, my God, Timmy," Abby breathed, staring down at the box in sheer delight, touching the jewelry very carefully.

"I didn't think you had it." McGee said, sure that she didn't possess the spider web earrings and necklace he'd spent hours debating on before finally purchasing.

"I don't." She moved, letting him help her put it on, making an eerie combination with her bat girl costume. "It's beautiful." She reached her hand up to touch it again. "Thank you."

The smile on her face, the way she loved it so much, made it worth his time. "You're welcome, Abby," he said, barely audible, letting himself get caught up in another hug.

The last present on the table had everything Abby could ever need for a puppy, from shampoo to treats to a bed to books on raising a puppy and a dog whistle, things she wouldn't have even thought of. Regan excused herself, going to the bedroom where she'd smuggled the German Shepherd pup when Abby had been distracted before. "He looks just like Jethro."

Jenny laughed. "I know. I saw him in a pet store…knew you had to have him." Jenny understood what the dog that Abby had 'rescued' after a case and made McGee take care of meant to her.

Abby nodded, remembering Jenny's reaction to the dog she named Jethro, and the dog's to her. Only Jenny truly understood why she had named the dog what she had and why it had been so important to her to save it. "Thank you."

Jenny nodded, smiling as the dog licked her friend's makeup, his tail wagging ninety miles a minute, yapping happily. "You're welcome."

Ducky, Jen, and Gibbs were the first to go, Tony hanging back to get another ride, Ducky truly tired. Gibbs walked with his arm around Jenny's waist and she sat next to him in the truck, holding his hand. "That was nice of you, to get that puppy. She really loved that dog."

Jenny nodded. "I know." She paused. "So you forgive me?" She finally got the courage to ask.

"Nothing to forgive." As far as he was concerned, it was the end of it. "You forgive me for telling you what to do?"

She thought about her leg, the fight over the treatment that had been the last straw in an already fractured relationship. "You only wanted what you thought was best for me. You always did."

He nodded, looking straight ahead. "Didn't want to lose you, Jen. Only I lost you, our team…and myself." He paused. "Would you consider moving back to Washington ?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "Yes, I'd consider it," she said more audibly. "With a little convincing." She lay her head on his shoulder and he let go of her hand to wrap an arm around her, finally going home.