Something soft and warm gently pressed against my temple. My face scrunched from the intrusion disrupting my slumber, but when I heard nothing after, I settled back down and began gradually drifting back to the sleep I wanted to cling to. Right as my breathing became rhythmic, that same feeling I thought I'd imagined brought me back to the half-awakened state. It was joined by another moving element of warmth; the light graze moving my hair from where it rested over my face. I grunted and turned my face into the warm pillow; desperate to return to that comforting unconsciousness.
A short, deep chuckle sounded next to me, and my ears perked at the realization.
"I wonder if there's any human folklore involving a beauty constantly asleep; I think you would fit the role," the voice that made my heart flurry spoke softly.
Thank Kami my face was buried in this pillow—the blush no doubt staining my cheeks would be far too embarrassing. I exhaled deeply; lifting myself up just enough to intake new oxygen.
"Someone's been doing some light reading," I mumbled.
"Perhaps," he replied.
I let myself slump back down onto my pillow; thoughts of what happened the last night fresh in my mind, and causing embarrassment to wrack through me like never before. For the first time in my life, I—the biggest out-going asshole in existence—felt embarrassed. I'd only spent the night with 3 clients entirely throughout the years, and I'd always woken up knowing that I had to put on the disgusting façade from the previous night. But now that there was no façade, I had no idea how to act. I felt like I couldn't even look him in the eye; I remembered what was said last night, but for some reason my mind had such trouble accepting it.
I quickly turned away from his direction, and pulled the blanket over my head.
"You're really still tired?" he asked.
"Do you regret last night?" I blurted without thinking. A moment of silence passed, and I held my breath in anxious anticipation.
"Do you regret last night?" he questioned back.
"I asked you first," I childishly replied.
He placed his hand on my arm over the cover of the blanket. "I don't regret it at all; I meant what I said, and I truly hope that you can believe me. However, if you're having second thoughts, then I—"
"I-I'm not having second thoughts! I meant everything too! I-I just wanted to make sure that you were sure," I cut him off.
Kami I sounded like a damn nut-job; this poor, poor male beside me.
"Hmm," he paused briefly, and his hand moved along the blanket and up to my shoulder. "If that's the case, then why are you hiding under the blanket from me?" he questioned with a tinge of playfulness in his voice.
I gulped down the nervousness lumped in my throat as quietly as possible. "Well—uhh—about that…" I trailed off.
He awaited for me to continue, but I couldn't bring myself to do it—my pride wouldn't let me admit my embarrassment aloud. I didn't have to respond, did I? Maybe he would just change the topic?
"Hmm, I wonder what happened to the woman I grew fond of," he scooted closer to me, and it was then that I realized his body had been under the blanket with me this whole time—my eyes widened in panic.
His right arm quickly went under my pillow while the other scooped me against him; his hand resting atop my right ribcage as he loosely held me to him. I took a sharp intake at the action, and as I did, his forehead pressed against the back of my head—he was completely under the covers now?
"She was always one to combat every single word, and to forcibly prove her point in blunt, vulgar, and sarcastic language as she puffed her chest in bold bravado," his fingers pressed against the lowest bone of my ribcage as he placed a gentle kiss on the back of my neck.
He must've felt the shiver he sent down my spine at his action; a short exhale as if compensating for a laugh made his chest move against my back, and I internally face-palmed at my own uncontrolled reaction.
"However, I can't say that I'm not fond of this withdrawn version of her as well; the feminine qualities she portrays aren't half-bad,"
"I-I am not." I blushed.
"Oh? She speaks?" He kissed along my neck, and down toward the crook that met my shoulder as he continued. "That's good; I was afraid you completely retracted into your shell," he teased.
"No," I managed to sass, "I j-just,"
He stopped the kisses when he reached the curvature of my shoulder, and rested his head back against the pillow as he pressed against me.
"What's the matter then?" he asked with a gentle tone.
I took my hand over his; pressing my fingers between his and curling them through to his palm when he lifted his hand a fraction for access. I took a deep breath as I gently squeezed his hand.
"I just…don't know how to act around you now to be honest," I sheepishly admitted. "Every single time I've gotten into physical relation; I've always had a façade that I played for every moment that passed. It was all fake, but I knew what I had to do to get the job done. But now that it's not a job, I guess I just,"
I took a deep breath to calm myself; the next words to come out of my mouth were some of the toughest I'd ever had to say in my existence. "I-I don't know how to act around someone I have attraction for,"
I bit my lip immediately, and squeezed his hand as an extra effort to stifle myself. Kami, is this what people went through? This was fucking ridiculous.
He pulled me tight against him; causing a small yelp to escape through my vocal chords at the action. The warmth from his chest on my back was incredible, and I honestly felt so protected and comfortable in his arms that I could just stay there forever.
"Just be yourself."
He freed his hand from under my grasp, and put his over it to squeeze me as he spoke the words that I never thought I'd hear a man ever say to me. "Seeing you be yourself—smiling, sarcastic, shy, and even coy at times—makes my world that much brighter. I want you to be comfortable in your own skin, and I want you to be comfortable around me; there's no acting required to accomplish that,"
He nuzzled against me, and my emotions couldn't hold me back for much longer.
"Seeing you happy, makes me happy. All I want is the opportunity to assist in making that happen; if you could grant me that, I'd be in your debt."
Okay. I'd had it.
I turned around quickly—the pain from my abdomen not enough to stop me in what I needed to do—and buried myself into him.
"Akinoyo, your wo—"
"Do you even understand how much your words mean to me?" I cut in.
I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to allow the water from the depths of my lavender seas to rise. But it was different this time; this time they weren't tears of a broken soul.
"Your words mean the world to me, Toushirou," I squeezed him against me, and tried to collect my breathing to say the words that meant so much to me. "I don't want to ever be away from you; I want to be your everything, and be there for you always. Because of you, for the first time in years I can honestly admit with proud sincerity the one thing I never thought would be possible ever again—I'm happy. I'm finally, actually, happy,"
My voice trembled at my own words, and the tears that escaped my eyes were completely beyond my control. "Its just an uncharted terrain I have no idea how to proceed into," I admitted.
He pulled me into him, and kissed the top of my head as he held my sobbing form. "You proceed one step at a time. It can be intimidating at first, but if we stick together, we'll both get the hang of it. You have to be open to it though—think you're brave enough to give it a try?"
I nodded my head against him, and he took in a deep breath before settling against me. The action encouraged me to take my own deep breath, and so I did to hopefully stop the tears. I hated tears—even though these were ones of happiness—they were the worst.
"I'll keep you close—I promise." After a short moment to let me absorb his words, he changed the subject to one more important to him.
"Did you hurt yourself?" he asked as his hand gently grazed the small of my back. "Today I have another check-up scheduled for you with Kotetsu-Taichou; she wanted to check on your wound personally whether you were awake or not,"
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I took a deep breath to stifle my tears and speak. "What do you mean, 'another?' When did I meet her?" I questioned.
"You met her the last day you were awake—10 days ago."
I shot back from his arms in absolute shock.
"What do you mean '10 days ago?'" I practically shouted.
"You've been unconscious for 10 days. Your zanpakutou warned for a minimum of at least seven days, however, with the deep wound you received on your abdomen, you were out for longer." He swept the hair that fell over my face, and I stared down at his collarbone as I completely grasped the situation.
"I didn't trust leaving you in the 4th Division's hospital due to the situation, so I arranged to have you taken care of here in my home. Trusted Squad members sent from Kotetsu-Taichou have been here each day to make sure your recovery has been going as planned. I've been present for each visit, and have been working from home to make sure you weren't left unattended." He explained.
I looked up at him—he stared into the strands of hair he tucked gently away from my face. "I made sure only the wound was accessible to the Squad members, however, Kotetsu-Taichou needed to inspect the rest of you—my apologies."
"No, there's no need for apologies. Thank you for going so much out of your way for me; it seems like it was troublesome—I should be the one apologizing," I uncomfortably squirmed.
"As you just said—there's no need for apologies," his hand trailed down to cradle the side of my face, and I knew my blush was already back in full swing. "After what happened, I don't want you anywhere alone anymore. Each time I'm not present, something happens—I'm not going to risk your safety again. I want you by either my side, or Matsumoto's—although preferably mine—at all times from here forward. I refuse to let you get hurt again."
His eyes shifted away from mine in an uncomfortable gaze—more than likely he considered what happened his fault. It took me a moment to remember that my zanpakutou had also called him out on his performance the last time—that must've just added insult to my actual injury.
I was normally terrible at this, and I'd only ever been on the receiving end before, but now I had a reason to step up to the plate.
"Hey,"
He looked back at me at my call, and I continued.
"Take in what's happening right now—right now, I'm in your arms, and I'm happy. It's been years since I've had any actual emotional contact with anyone; even with everything that's happening to me—this is all that I care about now. Now, I have a reason aside from my own cowardice to keep on living; there's someone that cares about me now. No matter what happens to me—be it emotional, or be it physical—being right here is all that I want. You've been able to provide that to me since Day One; nothing else matters to me. I've dealt with flesh wounds—they heal quickly as it is, but I'd bet money they'd heal twice as fast if someone else's support and care assists during the recovery."
I curled myself back into him; taking a deep breath before squeezing myself to him. "I trust you with my life, Toushirou; since Day One I've had faith in you, and know that you truly would do anything to protect me. As long as I can be here in your arms at the end of the day, nothing else matters to me—not even a flesh wound."
He squeezed me into him, and planted another kiss on me as he leaned against me. "And here is where I want to keep you; always,"
"Sounds good to me," I reached up to his shoulder, and pushed myself back to look up at him. "It's a deal." I smiled.
-x-x-
"It looks like you're still about a week or two out from a full recovery, Kiteyama-san. I know that you may be a bit antsy to move around and carry on as you would normally, however I must insist on as much bed rest as possible."
I looked at the tall health specialist known as Kotetsu Isane with my best acknowledging façade. I didn't want more bed rest; I wanted to stretch out and be fine already—where was Kurosaki Orihime when I needed her?
"I understand—I'll do my utmost to stay in bed. You have my thanks for the care you and your Squad members have provided, Kotetsu-Taichou. Please don't hesitate to let me know if there's anything I can assist you with after I've settled my final debt." I bowed as much as I could without hurting myself.
"No thanks necessary, Kiteyama-san; this one's on the house. I've been informed of your situation, and want you to know that we are all here to help. We in Squad 4 pride ourselves in doing everything we can to help others no matter whom it is. Please don't hesitate to ask," she smiled.
"I'm honored; thank you, and of course the same goes for all of you." I replied with a small smile of my own.
"All right then; let's get this wound—along with yourself—dressed," she said as she rose from her seat.
I sat as straight up as I could, and held my arms up as much as possible so she could work somewhat easily. Evidently I had a fair amount of stitches along the upward-curved wound—it made perfect sense now why it felt so damn painful this morning and last night.
"You can rest your arms for a moment; I'm only going to dress the wound rather than your entire torso," she told me as she ripped off some tape. I trust Hitsugaya-Taichou informed you of how to properly clean yourself and the wound? When was the last time you cleaned it?"
It took everything for me not to gulp; not at the later, but at the prior. "Yes, he did; I cleaned it after a quick—covered—shower just about an hour before we came." I managed to avert the topic.
"Perfect,"
It made sense for her to save bandages for her other patients, so I get why she was doing this, but it didn't stop the uncomfortable feeling from taking over me. I looked down at the wound as she prepped the bandages; the only thought in my head being that now I had another scar to add to the gallery. I thanked Kami she didn't ask about any of it—avoiding that particular topic altogether is for the best. I'll end up an emotional wreck that no one wants or needs to see.
"I'm assuming wearing a corset is out of the question?" I already knew the answer, but I had to take a shot in the dark.
"That's correct," she said as she held the bandage in place on me. "You need to keep this entire area as unrestrained as possible." she quickly taped along the squared bandage's edges, and made sure it was secure with a hand passing over it. "Now that you're awake and can feed yourself, I will send a squad member every other day to record your vitals, dress your wound, and make sure you're on the right path to recovery." She informed.
"I see. Understood. Thanks for letting me know." I nodded.
"Okay, now let me get your clothes back on," she smiled. She put the garments back on me fairly quickly, yet gently at the same time—I was impressed. Then again, she kind of does this all the time, so I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised. "All right—all done. You can come in now, Hitsugaya-Taichou." She called.
She backed away a few steps, and I carefully hopped off the bed I sat on. Toushirou entered the room, looking me over before looking back to Kotetsu-Taichou.
"Thanks for taking the time, Kotetsu-Taichou," he bowed his head.
"Not a problem at all; thank you for bringing her in." She replied.
"Is there anything aside from bed rest that I should be aware of?" he asked.
To be honest, I was definitely holding back a blush. I had to look at the damn floor to keep myself together. While it was a simple, relative question that honestly had to be asked even without the attraction between us; these newfound 'gushy' feelings had everything translating to more than it actually meant. While it—kind of, yet debatably—felt somewhat nice, this blushing mousy tendency was such a pain in the ass.
"Ah, yes, that was going to be what I brought up next. Now that my Squad members won't be by as often, she needs to take medicine twice a day. I'll send one of my Squad members by to drop off the medication for her—I unfortunately don't have any of it on me." She explained.
"Thank you; we'll be at my residence if anything comes up. I'll bring her by next week," Toushirou told her as I approached him.
"Thanks again, Kotetsu-Taichou," I bowed again. "I'll see you next week." I smiled.
"Hai, hai; take care of yourselves!" she smiled back.
-x-x-
"I'm so happy you're okay. Akiniyo-chan!" Rangiku squeezed me with such force I thought my wound would re-open.
I exhaled a chuckle awkwardly and gave her a few pats on her back—I wasn't used to such contact yet; it made me feel odd and out of place when it wasn't done in a moment of emotional disruption. I mean—granted—for her it was emotional, but because I myself wasn't as phased as I had been last night, it wasn't something that tugged on my heartstrings any longer.
"Thanks, Rangiku; I appreciate your concern for me," I softly admitted.
She pulled back from the hug, and took hold of my shoulders with fierce determination on her face. "Taichou told you you're not allowed to be by yourself anymore—right? I for one am done with letting you get hurt. From now on, no more going out to bars, or anywhere in general; we'll drink at home until this whole situation is over,"
My eyes perked up at the thought of alcohol, and without a second to lose, the Ice King voiced his disapproval in a growl of his Fukutaichou's name.
"Not right now, Taichou; when she gets better of course!" Rangiku grinned as if the obvious escaped him.
"I'll hold you to that," I quickly interjected before Toushirou could—she winked at me, and I let my mouth curve up in a half-smile.
I sat up, and began uncovering myself slowly, to which Rangiku was on me like white on rice.
"Whatcha doin?" she questioned; ready to help me.
"I know she said she wanted as much bed rest as possible, but I really need to stretch for a few minutes. The muscles in my legs hurt, and I want to stretch them out before being stuck on this bed for the rest of the day. Plus, I need a smoke—badly."I explained.
The two of them exchanged hesitant looks, and before they could even say anything, I was already up and interjecting. "She didn't say I couldn't smoke; aside from that I can't just kick a habit that quick you guys—show some compassion,"
Rangiku huffed and shook her head. "Fine, fine, but I'm helping you and there isn't any way around it." She got up, and lopped her arm through mine—successfully earning an eyeroll from yours truly.
"Fine," I huffed.
Once I took my accessories off the dresser, Toushirou opened the doors for us as we proceeded through his home and to his back engawa. Rangiku let me lean against the side of the house as I quickly packed a bowl and lit it. I took that deep drag I'd been 10 days without, and savored it in my throat and lungs for a few seconds before exhaling the toxin. Luckily Kotetsu-Taichou didn't say I couldn't smoke; if she did I think I'd go insane.
"So, what's happened since I've been out? I know Hitsugaya's been cooped up to safeguard me, but has there been any news or activity since my last appearance?" I took another drag after I finished my sentence, and Toushirou took the moment to respond.
"At the moment, we're at a standstill. Ise-Fukutaichou made a visit in place of the Soutaichou due to my inability to leave, and I informed her of the entire situation. She told me that the enemy base in the World of the Living hasn't made any noticeable movement, however the Stealth Force is still keeping a close watch in case. We have yet to receive feedback from Kurotsuchi in regard to the notebook either. This time between the last attack and now has been what you've needed—a chance to recuperate. Hopefully it stays this way at least until you're fully healed." He explained.
I blew out my drag in an exasperated sigh of relief; I had a bad feeling in the pit of my gut that something had happened during my uncontrolled slumber—thank Kami I was incorrect. "Well that's good news I suppose," I answered.
"Has your zanpakutou made any contact since?" Rangiku asked.
Oh shit. Amidst all the disarray of the event, Toushirou's newfound confession, and dealing with my wound—I'd almost forgotten about her.
"No, not that I know of. Although I didn't say it myself—sorry for the threats she made at the two of you. That was pretty uncalled for and all around rude. If she ever tries to take a swipe at you, it's all fair game—just so you know. Do what you have to," I shook my head.
Well, I was going to have plenty of bed rest; seemed like the perfect opportunity to solve whatever her problem is. I needed her to get that stick out of her ass asap; she can't just mouth off whenever she wants like that—we're trying to make friends here. As much as that term scares the shit out of me; it seemed somewhat necessary given the situation. Contact with her will definitely be next on my list.
"Don't worry about it, Akinoyo-chan; we knew it wasn't you saying it. I'm glad that you at least were there in spirit to see a bit of what your zanpakutou can accomplish though—the only upside to the situation,"
"That's true; hopefully I can contact her soon to get a better understanding of everything," I shrugged.
"When you're well, Matsumoto and I will help jog your memory in regard to utilizing your zanpakutou. A lot of it will come back to you from interacting with her, however, its still beneficial for you to spar with others aside from her; it helps instill reaction to different styles of offense and defense. Based on what I saw the other day, you have a lot of potential—especially with a shikai like that. That movement she put your body through should help significantly as well; it shouldn't take your body too long to revert back to your previous state."
Okay. I had to get this under control. Now whenever he spoke—especially when it regarded myself—all I could do was cringe internally from the tickling feeling threatening to crack my composed façade. I took a drag to compose myself.
"Thanks for the help; I appreciate it from you both," I responded in my most valiant effort of abstaining from a blush.
"It'll be fun, Akinoyo-chan! The way I train is the best," she leaned closer toward me, and continued in a harsh whisper, "Taichou's is a bit boring—I mean, it's good, but ultimately it—"
"The fact that you act as if I'm not standing within earshot is baffling," he interrupted with clear annoyance.
"What do you mean, Taichou? It's not like I was saying anything harsh," she waved off.
I couldn't help the one sharp chuckle I let slip—it honestly relieved the uncomfortable squeeze around my stomach. Any opportunity for a quick laugh was much appreciated.
They began to bicker back and forth; Toushirou making valid jabs that Rangiku could only pout back at because she knew they were true. I let out as many chuckles without it being awkward as I could. Honestly, this whole thing with Toushirou was too much for me to believe; the fact that he has feelings for an emotional, petty, rude wreck like me is so beyond me that it makes my head hurt.
I haven't been this happy, but I also haven't been this confused about a situation ever. I've heard that you're just supposed to let things happen, but how could I? He promised that things would be fine, and that he'd be there every step of the way, but what did that even mean? Would I ever get over these anxious butterflies—no bees—that buzzed around haphazardly all over my insides? I mean, I sort of liked it, but all around didn't know how to handle them. Did he get this same feeling too? Please Kami, tell me I'm not the only one feeling like this.
I watched his annoyed facial gestures he made at Rangiku, and he caught my gaze at him and looked right back at me as she turned away to attempt a comeback. The corner of his lips turned up in a small smile at me, and I immediately looked away pretending like it was merely a coincidence. I'm sure he saw right through it, which only invoked more awkwardness on my own part.
"Excuse me! Hitsugaya-Taichou! Are you home?" a female voice called.
The voice barely was high enough to reach our ears, and at the call Hitsugaya dismissed the bickering between himself and Rangiku.
"Hai; wait a moment!" He responded.
He walked past the two of us and around the house; Rangiku and I watching his back as he turned the corner.
"The nerve of that guy!" Rangiku huffed as soon as he was out of sight.
I took another drag of my kiseru with a smirk, and she waltz my way and sat down on the engawa beside me.
"But, I have to admit, he's been in a good mood today for some reason," she sounded out the last two words, and at my lack of response she turned around to look up at me.
I stared back into her and shrugged. She donned a coy smirk at me, and I cocked a brow back at her.
"Maybe because a certain someone is up and about he's in a better mood," she snickered.
I exhaled the drag quickly on accident; her sly grin only widening at my discomfort. "I-I wouldn't go that far," I tried to evade—to literally no avail.
"Sure, sure," she shrugged. "You don't see it though?" she prompted.
Oh Kami, just how much was my facial expression translating?
"Me? Notice anything? Nothing really," my lack of verbal flow was horrendous even for me—would the cringes ever stop?
As she was about to say something surely to increase the cowardice of my mousy behavior, sets of footsteps had both our heads focused on the direction.
"Thank you for taking the time to make the delivery," I heard Toushirou saying.
I hurriedly took my last drag; emptying out my kiseru into my ashtray as I held the burning anxiety-relieving smoke in my lungs. I didn't want to be caught smoking—what if she told Kotetsu-Taichou and she in turn prohibits smoking? It was a risk I wasn't willing to take.
Toushirou came back into sight before I could exhale. With the Squad member close behind, I quickly exhaled the huge drag as quickly as possible.
"It's an honor to assist, Hitsugaya-Taichou; please feel free to let us know if there is anything else we may assist you with,"
My eyes widened as she emerged behind him.
My ashtray slipped through my hands; clanking against the wooden floor and echoing in mimicry the now hollowed cavity of my skull. All eyes focused on me, but I couldn't move, and I couldn't think; my tunnel vision focused on one person only.
Her hazel eyes painted with streaks of silver and gold stared directly back into mine; focused, entranced.
My mouth moved on its own; formulating the one name I thought I'd never say aloud ever again.
"M-Miyuki,"