The violent, gurgled hacking erupted in a thick red that splattered against me. The heaved and strained attempt at retaining life became less appealing as the seconds went by; the will to keep going that sparkled through the darkness became a slow flickering lightbulb ready to plunge into that smooth, time-slowing fizz before fading out completely. While some parts of me envied that sweet, slow release, the other part of me was grateful for what I now had—the wedge in the door that kept it from shutting completely.
As she crashed forward into me and painted me like an obscure artist possessed with seizure-riddled insanity, I took hold of the forest-haired female; allowing her to crumble into me with her final breaths. It was my fault she was in this state to begin with; it was my fault that I'd reacted out of the pure instinct of a cornered animal. If it wasn't for Miyuki…I…I don't think I would've—
"O-Oi,"
The female in my arms called to me; Toushirou steadily approaching as Miyuki's cries faded into the distance—my attention solely focused on the female inching off the cliff-side.
"D-Do the r-r-right thing…"
Her head tilted upward just enough so that she could move her retinas to the tops of her eyelids to see me. Those identical lavender irises that stared into my own stiffened me in a way I never thought possible.
She curved her mouth into a small, weak smile—her blood-stained teeth only adding to the anxiety ready to take me down in unconsciousness. Her hand shaking rose up toward me; her bloodied index finger stretched out and pointing at me.
"T-Take your life…before you…t-take ev-everyone's..."
-x-x-
Five days had past since my encounter with my zanpakutou. Once the visit from Miyuki was over that day, Toushirou of course was at my side and ready to talk about it. He'd held me when I needed him to; the parts where I began mentally beating myself to a pulp for taking my own memories from myself, the part where I panicked at my zanpakutou's parting words of alarm. I was so thankful to have Toushirou there with me; I'd have tapped out of this situation like I tapped out of everything else these past years—completely unhealthily.
I was completely enamored by how together he had it; while these problems presented to me were life-threatening, traumatic, and all around fear-invoking to the point of psychiatric breakdown, the way Toushirou was able to process things made me feel like it wasn't the end of the world. I knew he'd adapted to that way of thinking since he was a seasoned veteran of the Gotei 13, but it went beyond that; his natural mental fortitude saved him from plunging down into himself with all the fucked up things I'm sure he's seen and/or done.
With me however, that seemingly sub-zero temperature persona wasn't so cold. Granted, he spoke the truth and only the truth, but for some reason, with me he spoke easily and in a comforting way rather than harshly cut facts. While his linguistic choices—even with me—may come off as relentless to others, they didn't phase me in a way that made me wary—they made me grateful.
"If she's saying that it was a reaction by default, then we have to assume that you were in a situation that you knew the outcome of; you knew your enemy, and you knew that you couldn't escape. Within your memory was information too vital for the enemy to get a hold of; since you were in a situation where escape wasn't an alternative, you compromised on the one thing that would be the biggest hindrance to the enemy's goal—amnesia. Which only proves my previous theory," he'd told me then.
"You weren't captured at random; you were the specific target. As we already know with the Latin key-tag they possessed, and the Latin notebook found amongst your belongings—you had prior dealings with the enemy. It doesn't support the intel theory as boldly, however, since you were targeted specifically I can't say that the probability isn't higher than it was previously." He stated.
"Right; I'm on the same page with your theory. It completely disproves any chance of me being at the wrong place at the wrong time. The only thing that's driving me up the wall is why I had previous dealings with them. Just what in Kami's name made me so damn important to them? And what exactly did my memories hold that was so enticing to them?" I clenched my fists at the frustration bubbling within.
"While I hate to bring up hurtful memories; this has to be said," he paused—I readied myself for what I already knew was coming. "With the events that happened on your first day of memory, it only proves one thing,"
He rose his hand to my chest, and his fingertips gently pressed just under my collarbone. "There is something within you other than your memory they're after."
I gulped at the thought. It was enough to be wanted for informational purposes, but for something more than that?
He leaned in, planting a soft, lingering kiss before pulling back. "And it isn't the Akinoyo I myself am after," He leaned his forehead against mine.
While all I wanted to do was tilt my chin forward to continue delving into the one thing I wanted most, I knew that I had to continue forward.
"What brings you to that conclusion?" I questioned, holding back the stutter as much as possible.
"It's happened before; remember when I told you about Kurosaki Ichigo? The reason he first came to the Soul Society?"
"There was someone he was trying to save that ended up being a part of an even bigger plot—right?" I answered.
"Right; it was Kuchiki Rukia—your Taichou. She had the object Aizen Sousuke sought hidden within her—the Hogyoku. Aizen sought after it so badly that he deceived us all; his infiltration began at the beginning of his acceptance into the Gotei 13, and he operated in secret for many years before his plans came to fruition. Perhaps this situation is similar; this entity operating within our midst for longer than any of us expected all to get information on your whereabouts."
"At this point, I wouldn't be so surprised to find that out. All of this previous involvement is infuriating—especially since I have zero recollection due to my own actions. Kami, this had better have been for a good freaking reason," I shook my head in disgust.
His hand set down on my lap; the small motion comforting me as it always did, but the extreme disapproval of my prior choices still painted my face with self-disgust.
"I'm sure that your prior self made the best decision—a hard one, but overall one that she thought would be for the best. Take comfort and pride in the fact that you did something for the sake of others—above the tremendous personal sacrifice." He turned his palm up; asking for my hand to fill his.
My forefinger traced the lines of his rough palm as I stared blankly down at the invisible artwork. He was right; as much as it hurt finding out that all of this was my own fault, and the situation I was in prior at the World of the Living had resulted due to my own lack of strength—at least I did the right thing rather than taking everyone down with me. I wish I understood more of my reasoning, but that is literally impossible at the moment. The only saving grace in this situation is that now I have my zanpakutou that might be able to fill me in.
I stopped, and finally set my palm against his warm one as he originally intended; taking a deep breath before looking up at him.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right. That optimism of yours somewhat wins this round I guess," I half smiled.
He wrapped his fingers around to gently press against the back of my hand. "It's only a matter of time before it wins altogether; don't get too comfortable in that pessimism of yours," he lifted my hand up to his lips; a gentle kiss warming my shaky hand. "I plan on escorting you out of there," he smiled up at me.
It was those phrases and gestures of his that encouraged me to just melt into acceptance; to just let myself sink further into this newfound emotion that he created within me. Out of everything in my life, this is the first time I seriously lucked out, and I wasn't about to let this slip through my fingers.
—
I felt well enough to be up and about today. I'd become absolutely sick of that damn bed, and needed to stretch so my legs wouldn't continue evolving into noodles. And with some begging on my end and pot-shot attempts at some infuriatingly shy pecks beneath the beloved male's jawline during an embrace, the stoic Ice-King melted enough to give into my wishes.
I lit up my kiseru with satisfaction from outside of Toushirou's front door; that first silent, deep drag easing me into a small smile as Toushirou fell into my flank. We walked slower than normal due to Toushirou's persistence that I take it easy, and I honestly didn't mind spending time out in the brisk atmosphere. It felt good against my face, and although I was shivering, I wouldn't trade a second of it.
We arrived at his office to lay eyes on a sprawled, passed-out Fukutaichou that reeked of the empty Sake jug on the ground beside her. Before I could save my fellow alcoholic, Toushirou got to her first.
"Oi!" He grumbled loud enough for even me to fidget.
One would think she would've shot up like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar, but instead she grumbled and rolled over.
"Nooo," she slurred out in a weakened, tired voice. "I don't wanna; I don't feel good," She pouted in a whiney tone before she snuggled with the pillow she'd taken in her arms.
"This is what I get when I work from home?" he countered with a thick anger that hid behind slight professionalism—I couldn't help snickering behind him.
To my surprise, he made his way over to his desk instead of straight-up yelling at his Fukutaichou as I thought he would. Was it because I was here? If so, my drinking buddy lucked out big time.
"Here," he began; making me turn my head to look at him from where I lingered at the door.
I scurried over to him, trying to be as quiet as possible for the hungover sleeping beauty.
"You can organize these papers for me so that I can have my lazy Fukutaichou pull an all-nighter tonight." He handed me a stack of paperwork.
I actually was looking forward to helping him with work; I'd been so damn bored lately that I wanted some type of distraction from the unsettling thoughts that ran through my mind all day.
"You got it," I quietly responded as I took the papers—he didn't let go of them at my response.
"There's no need to be quiet; this is an office after all—a place meant for working," he rose his voice with the words.
I could hear Rangiku moving slightly; I had to purse my lips to keep from giggling.
"Hai, hai, I got it." I smiled at him.
He let go of the papers, and I made my way to the couch. I pulled the small table forward and used it's space to begin making the piles; I was already used to this since I had helped him do this before. I wish I could help him fill it all out, but the paperwork that stacked up now could only be completed by a Taichou or Fukutaichou—he promised that I could help though with any other documents as they came though, so I guess that's something to look forward to.
At Rangiku's light stir to gain a comfortable position; the movement caught my attention. I studied her features; her disgruntled face trying to stamp out feeling like shit from the hangover—it made me crack a smile. I'd been there so many times; I enjoyed the small fraction of time I got to recuperate, and the fact that I no longer had to deal with recuperating amidst twenty other women in my personal space. When I looked at her, for some reason it made me feel like things would be okay; like I eventually will be able to drink for fun, not out of desperation to escape the tragic environment so I could feel somewhat human—er, normal?
I scoffed; the sound earning me a quick glance from the ivory-haired savior—I purposely avoided eye-contact. I blame him entirely for these weird thoughts of slight optimistic comfort. It was all his doing; all this smiling I'd been doing lately was all because of that gorgeous jerk. Kami I was getting soft…I needed to knock that shit off immediately. I glared up at him; he was writing something down on the table.
"What?" he asked without even looking up—damn.
"Nothing." I quickly responded; trying my absolute best to mask the huff after my one-worded answer.
Okay, so technically that way of thinking and losing that hard exterior is healthy—is it weird that it feels wrong though? Isn't that what all pessimists say though? Maybe I should take baby-steps…maybe if I limit the softening to only in his presence it wouldn't feel so weird and pride-stripping. Eh, who knows.
"Hitsugaya-Taichou; permission to enter, Sir."
The voice scared me half to death because I didn't even hear anyone approach—damn fellow shinigami and their kami-damned flash-steps.
"Enter." Toushirou responded.
Promptly the messenger entered the room; kneeling down in a crouched position of respect as he continued.
"The Soutaichou requests you immediately. It is a matter of urgency; please report to the chambers at once with Kiteyama Akinoyo."
Well. If that didn't raise hairs...
"Thank you—you're dismissed." Toushirou rose as he spoke.
"Excuse me," he replied before vanishing.
Toushirou looked at me only to meet my panicked gaze—just what in the Hell was going on?
"Matsumoto." He said rather loudly with a serious tone—she rose without a fight.
"Hai, Taichou." She responded formally. "Your orders?"
"Accompany us to the chambers, and standby outside—you know as well as I do that nothing is ever urgent with Kyoraku." He headed toward the door as he re-positioned his zanpakutou.
"Hai." She responded as she grabbed her zanpakutou as well.
I just stood there motionlessly. For the two of them to have this sort of edge, and for the implication that the laid-back Soutaichou was perturbed meant something really bad. And on top of that, if these all-powerful Taichou and Fukutaichou were worried, then I definitely had shit to be worried about.
"Come, Akinoyo," Toushirou called as Rangiku exited.
I straightened up and shook myself out of it as I scampered to the door. As soon as Toushirou locked the office, he picked me up and we were off in less than a second. As the winds rushed at me, I buried myself in the crook of his neck and tightened my grip. I nuzzled myself into him abnormally, and at my action he responded.
"You're safe, Akinoyo; it's only a summon." He said just loud enough for me to hear—my demeanor didn't budge.
"I know, but it doesn't alleviate the anxious lump in my throat—what do you think he's going to say?"
"I can't say for certain, however, we can rule out a full invasion as being one of the reasons. While there is most definitely someone on the opposing side hiding among us, the fact that a war-time decree has yet to be announced means that we're still somewhat safe for the time being. My assumption is that we have a new lead; it's the only assumption that's for certain." He explained.
Since I was going, a new lead was obvious. I guess I half-expected something tremendous; I mean, we rushed out immediately—if that wasn't sufficient enough to cause a rise for alarm then I don't know what is.
After a few more minutes, we finally arrived at the chambers. Rangiku stood tall next to the door, and Toushirou let me down quickly but gently. I fought to regain my land-legs quickly as he announced our arrival.
"Kiteyama Akinoyo and Hitsugaya Toushirou."
The doors opened immediately, and I filed myself behind him to not only display some formality, but to readjustment myself for whatever was about to come. I didn't want to have on my now-usual fear-stricken face; I wanted to show a little tough skin rather than to constantly display this sickening façade that belittled my pride as an adult female—oh, and pride as a shinigami I suppose.
"Thank you for your prompt response, Hitsugaya-Taichou, Kiteyama-san," the voice of the Soutaichou met my ears—I had to stifle my gulp.
"What is this matter of urgency? What happened on the other side, Shihouin?" Toushirou got to the point as I crept out from behind him and settled next to him after a quick bow.
There was a pair of women I didn't recognize in front of me—one clearly a Taichou with her haori, and the other of an affiliation I didn't recognize. Ise-Fukutaichou and Abarai-Taichou were on either side of the Soutaichou; their faces firm to add to the serious atmosphere I unfortunately willingly walked into. The obvious unknown Taichou was about my height, albeit slightly taller; she had lightly tanned skin and ebony hair with highlights of a deep blue shade that was about jaw-length in the cut. She had two long strands of hair on either side of the base of her skull that were wrapped in a white ribbon and tied to golden rings at the tips; that along with her overall appearance made her look deliciously dangerous—I liked it.
The woman I didn't recognize was a bit taller than me, with mulberry-colored hair that complimented her dark skin. She wore an orange shirt that looked extremely comfortable along with being fashionable and weather appropriate with the sleeves; black tights and peculiar off-white shoes that I'm sure had their uses. This woman looked even fiercer than the unknown Taichou, but there was something about her that was more inviting; I wouldn't go right to a motherly aura about her, but something that reminded me of warm emitted from a fire—pleasurable and comforting to be next to, but literal oblivion if she ever decided to overtake you. Speaking of fire—there was something familiar about those amber hues of hers; I just couldn't put my finger on it.
"As you've guessed with The presence of Shihouin-san, there has been an event in the World of the Living. I will let her fill you in on the details," Ise-Fukutaichou answered.
All eyes turned to the mysterious woman in front of me. She looked right at me for a moment, and it took everything in my power to overcome the anxiety of the news she was about to report.
"Since your departure, we've been on alert in the event of any drastic changes at the enemy headquarters. We've primarily left it up to the Stealth Force assigned to the surveillance to keep tabs on the main base, while we kept tabs in the surrounding communities." She set a hand on her hip and shifted her weight to her left leg.
"For the most part it's been quiet; according to Soi Fon, the Stealth Force hardly had anything to report other than usual operations. Two days ago, there was an unusual reiatsu that appeared on the opposite end of Hayamatsu at around two in the morning. The reiatsu itself didn't resemble that of a Hollow or a Shinigami—I wouldn't know how to describe it other than using a childish word like mysterious, but above all it didn't feel all that enticing. Urahara and Tessai went to investigate, but the reiatsu disappeared before they were able to get there. They returned, and we remained on standby for about six hours until we had to take action." She paused to look up at Toushirou; the gaze in her eyes so serious that I couldn't help but cringe.
"The entire Stealth Force has been wiped out."
My eyes widened.
"How many were stationed?" Toushirou immediately asked
"Fifty," The unknown Taichou began. "Fifty of my men gone in an instant." She looked directly at me. "Fifty deaths in an effort to assist in the safeguarding of one life."
Kami…she…she was right. I-I…they—
"Fifty lives dedicated to the preservation of all the souls residing in the Soul Society and World of the Living; ones unfortunately sacrificed for the greater good. They held their heads high in pride, and their efforts were not in vain—ne, Soi Fon-Taichou?" The Soutaichou interjected; flashing a quick upturn of the corner of his lips at me before shifting his focal point to Soi Fon-Taichou.
At the indirect comment for her to calm down, she took a quick, sharp inhale to stifle her resentment. "That is correct," she managed.
"Please proceed, Shihouin-san," the Soutaichou diverted.
"At the spiked reiatsu of the entire Stealth Force, I went in to investigate. When I got there, amongst the corpses was one of a woman. She wasn't of the Stealth Force, yet she was wounded and unconscious. I took her back to Kisuke's, and Tessai healed the majority of her wounds—she still needs further treatment, but overall she's alive."
"Is she one of the human women utilized by the establishment?" Toushirou questioned.
"It would be too simple for that to be the case; I'll cut to the chase,"
Oh Kami…here it was…
"She's one of the previously abducted Shinigami—like Akinoyo."
Well.
The feeling of my stomach bungee-jumping off a cliff was an understatement. The eruption of emotions surging through me was like screaming in a sound-proof room; the outside dwellers had no idea just how much I was internally freaking out. I could feel Toushirou's clipped gaze; a quick check to make sure I didn't cripple over.
"Where is she?"
"Guarded in Squad 4's special recovery unit. She's still unconscious, so we haven't been able to get any information out of her yet. We also wanted Akinoyo to be present for it as well—since this is extremely relevant to her."
Shihouin looked at me, but received the blankest of stares in return; I was completely immersed in my own mind at the news that I didn't know how to react. What was I supposed to do? Go up to her and ask her about what happened to us casually? 'Hey, I've been raped and utilized for years as a side gratification for a huge plot to rule the universes—oh you too? Ain't that a bitch!' I myself was still having difficulty grasping the whole concept, and talking about it along with facing it was difficult enough already—now there was someone else involved that's still alive?
"Have we figured out her identity yet?" Toushirou asked.
"Koizumi Fumiko; formerly an unranked member of Squad 7. I will retrieve full specs after this meeting," Ise-Fukutaichou answered.
"What's the status of the others?"
"Squad 12 has finished collecting the data; that also will be brought to me after this meeting." She answered.
"I'd like to view that report immediately. I'll send Matsumoto to retrieve it from you on my behalf once this meeting is adjourned."
"For the time bring, please make yourselves readily available; with the attack on the Stealth Force, it's only a matter of time before our enemy is at our door. War-time protocol is shortly upon us—make sure your guard is up." The Soutaichou added.
Toushirou nodded, his body language as firm as the rest of them. "Please alert us as soon as there is any more information; we'll be on standby."
"Hai, Hitsugaya-Taichou," Ise-Fukutaichou nodded.
"Kiteyama-san," the Soutaichou called softly.
I snapped out of myself to look up at the one-eyed man; my face surely paler than any ghost.
"You're cooperation with us, and your readiness is vital to this situation; please stay by Hitsugaya-Taichou's side no matter what."
"Hai." I immediately lowered my head to him.
My anxiety was clearly apparent to him, which made me cringe at the fact that everyone in this room could probably sense my distressed aura as well—Kami I needed that fucking façade that got me through all these years.
"You're dismissed for the time being. We will summon the two of you when she awakens."
"Thank you," Toushirou and I both said—myself more robotically than him.
As my periphery caught Toushirou turning on his heel to exit, I caught a glance at Soi Fon-Taichou in the process—my guilt overwhelming me. I stepped forward toward her, swallowed part of my disarray, and bowed to her.
"I apologize at the loss of your men. My sincerest, and utmost condolences for your loss, and my sympathy for their friends and family."
She didn't say anything, and at that point Toushirou intervened by subtle body movement. I rose back up without any eye contact, and hurried behind Toushirou as formally as possible to make our exit.
As soon as the doors opened at our exit, Rangiku's serious gaze trickling with worry meet Toushirou, and he promptly informed her to stay behind to gather the documents from Ise-Fukutaichou. She complied, and Toushirou and I made our way through the building.
He didn't say anything to me, and I assumed it was because he more than likely wanted to wait until it was just the two of us before showing concern outside of the normal Taichou-Subordinate bracket. I was thankful for it, because I honestly felt so on edge that I didn't really know how I would react to anyone asking if I was okay. I didn't want everyone knowing that I was psychologically deteriorating, and struggling to maintain a prideful strong-willed appearance—the fact that I let Toushirou know that was more than enough.
Although the hallway bustled with shinigami executing their daily tasks, I focused on the sound of our footsteps entranced by my own bustling thoughts—one surfacing more than all of the others. I was scared—scared to seek and know the truth, but manipulated by the overwhelming curiosity and impatience radiating from it. I didn't want to, but…I was incapable of restraining myself.
As soon as we emerged to the outside world and out of earshot, I promptly spoke before he had the chance.
"Can you take me to her?" I stopped and stared firmly into him.
His stern eyes looked into my own; assessing my request with a scrutiny that implied actual concern. I stepped closer to him before he could make a rebuttal.
"Toushirou, I need to see her—please,"
Continuing to look into his eyes and assessing the brief transcript of his emotion displayed in them told me he didn't want to take me—that much was for sure. While I'm sure he had good reasoning, it couldn't be avoided—I wanted to just get on with it rather than linger in the maddening curiosity.
"All right; I'll take you," He bent to pick me up, and I situated myself against him. He paused even when I signaled that I was ready to go, and he looked away at the ground before us.
"What's the matter?" I prompted.
"This doesn't feel right," he said before take off.
As the wind rushed past us, I buried myself into him; his discomfort sending new waves to revitalize my anxiety.
"Something tells me this is going to take a horrible turn."
-x-x-x-x-
Note from the Author:
Hello, Readers!
First of all, I would like to say thank you, and express gratitude for those who messaged me or reviewed expressing concern; your kindness means a lot to me, and I appreciate you.
Unfortunately, my life is still currently in an extreme disarray—Akinoyo and I have a lot in common, let me tell yoooou—that I can't seem to get a handle on. However, now that I've felt what it's liked to just deal with it, I've been able to pull myself to dedicating a fraction of my time to write this fic. It helps calms me down through the madness, and the distraction is honestly what I need.
So, long story short—I'M BACK!
I'm going to do my utmost to stay on schedule, but know that with my life currently in turmoil, I could be late from time to time. Again, a huuuuuge thank you for all your patience, and I hope that you all enjoy the rest of this fic.
Much love,
-Vi.