Hello, lovelies.
I apologize for taking so long to come out with another chapter. I'm struggling with my mental health and productivity has been non-existent…
I thank each and every one of you who have commented on this fic – this chapter is here because of you. I also thank everyone who gave followed and/or favorited this story. This means a lot to me, knowing people keep enjoying my work.
"Lena?"
Lena heard her name echoing through the hallway and she smiled to herself. This was the second time Kara had let herself in inside her home in as many days.
Other than Lena herself, Kara was the only one with unrestricted access to her apartment.
On Kara's very first visit to her place, Lena had uploaded her palm print to her biometric identification system which would allow her unobstructed entry to her home; there would be no waiting for Lena to open the door, no waiting for Lena when she was running late.
That day, when Kara had brought her flowers and the news about Beth's arrest, her friend insisted she would walk Lena home. Lena objected saying she was fine and that her driver was already waiting for her at her allotted space in the garage, but Kara was very assertive in saying that a walk would be good for Lena.
It was no surprise when a few minutes later they were walking side by side through the sidewalks of National City.
There wasn't any conversation during their stroll to Lena's apartment building. They had settled into an unhurried pace, the sounds of the city played in the background of the reassuring atmosphere they had permeating between them.
In their silent exchanges, when every now and then their arms would brush or Kara would put a hand on the small of Lena's back just before they would cross a busy lane, or when Kara would point at the dogs she spotted on the other side of the street or when she'd just reflexively stretch an arm protectively in front of Lena… Kara's presence, and those small, seemingly menial gestures spoke more loudly than any words exchanged between them ever could in that moment.
They brought a sense of belonging to Lena.
They enveloped her in a warm, comforting cocoon that radiated warmness all over her body from the inside out.
Melted was the coldness she referred to earlier; gone were the calm, detached feelings, the emptiness from just before. The warmth that took place in her body that instant had nothing to do with the thought of Beth in jail.
So the next thing she knew, Lena was looping her arm around Kara's and leaning her head on her best friend's shoulder. Before she could even think about second guessing that impulsive action and retreated to her former straight, poised posture, Kara rested her own head for a few seconds above Lena's while they continued to walk as if that was something they did every day at the end of their work hours.
And Lena allowed herself to think that maybe, just maybe she would be fine after all.
When they got to Lena's place, for the first time, Kara had accompanied Lena upstairs and without a second thought, Lena was uploading Kara's palm print into her security system program.
"May I borrow your right hand?" Lena said as she pressed a few commands after having unlocked the door.
"As long as it'll still be attached to my body by the end of whatever it is you need it for…" Kara answered with a small laugh.
"You're such a dork. I need it to register it to my security system." Lena explained as she took a hold of the extended hand and placed it over the scanner.
"Oh." The surprise was evident in Kara's tone.
"Here. All done," Lena smiled as she released her hold on Kara's hand and Kara reciprocated the sentiment.
At the beginning, Kara was unsure about using her privilege. She would call Lena on her way, or she would still knock on the door if Lena didn't leave it unlocked prior to her arrival. Until one day when Lena heard the distinguishable set of knocks that indicated Kara's arrival, and Lena just picked up the phone and called her to tell her that she would not get up from her comfortable place on the couch to open a door Kara could very well unlock with a simple press of her hand. That night, before she left, a shy and stuttering Kara presented Lena with a key to her own place, saying it was only fair that Lena had one.
Lena wouldn't admit that she spent a good hour after her friend bid her goodbye simply staring and inspecting the gold object Kara obviously had made just for her if the "L" inscribed in one of the faces was any indication.
First, it was her workplace, and then it was unrestricted access to her home.
When Kara promised her she'd always be there, Lena believed her. Opening this space no one other than she had access to, her sanctum sanctorum, the place where she simply was, Lena hoped it would convey to Kara how accepting Lena was of their friendship, how grateful Lena was for her presence in her life.
She hoped that those gestures would convey to Kara how her friendship was helping Lena in the disposal of the barriers she had put up one by one over the years.
"Hey, there you are." Kara greeted when Lena emerged from her bedroom, coming face to face with her.
"Hey back, Supergirl. Everything at peace in National City?"
"Yeah, or at least there are no emergencies the police aren't able to handle," Kara told her as they walked towards the living room.
"Good." Lena relaxed with Kara's answer. She knew Kara was almost indestructible, but it was still hard not to worry about her best friend facing criminals on a daily basis.
"How are you feeling?" Kara's sweet voice broke her out of her worry over her friend's safety.
"I've been better," Lena admitted frankly without a beat, aware that Kara could easily read her, so there was no point in concealing the truth,. Not that that was something Lena would have done. Not at this point in their friendship, anyway.
"Have you eaten something already?"
"Not yet. My stomach's just settled. I'm going to wait a few more minutes to see if it'll stay that way. But go on and eat whatever it is I know you brought." Lena teased gesturing towards her kitchen island where she spotted a bag she most definitely hadn't placed there.
"Sorry, Lena, but soup is not something my taste buds find appealing."
Lena chuckled, as she took a seat to watch Kara demolish her chosen meal of the night. "I don't even know why I keep trying."
"Because you like me." Kara grinned.
"It's the only explanat-" Lena interrupted herself when an amazing smell invaded her nostrils. "What's that?" She knitted her brows and pointed at the paper bag resting on the far end of the marble surface.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm going to get rid of it right away," Kara made a failed attempt of grabbing the item.
"Why would you do that?" Lena exclaimed as she brought the bag closer to her.
"Because I thought it made you feel sick?"
"On the contrary. This is the first time today when the smell of food doesn't make me feel sick."
"And you want what I brought?" Kara said in disbelief, however her eyes twinkling with excitement.
"Kara Danvers, you're not telling me you're going to deny a pregnant woman food." Lena stared at her best friend suspiciously. There was something about this exchange that didn't sit well with Lena.
"What? Of course I'm going to share." Kara was most definitely fighting a smile, Lena was sure.
"Why do you look so amused?"
"I'm not." Kara tried.
Lena quirked an eyebrow in her friend's direction, the 'try harder' written all over her face.
"It's just… Your baby has good taste." Kara's lips curled into a mischievous smirk.
"What do you mean-" Lena finally opened the bag and took a peek, but the item was inside a styrofoam container. "What's in here?"
"Take a look."
Lena glared at her while she unwrapped the mouth-watering smelling content from the aluminum foil that covered it. "Oh god," she groaned when her suspicions were confirmed.
"And by the way, I would have shared my food with you even if you weren't pregnant," Kara said as she deposited a glass full of iced water In front of Lena.
Lena shook her head, still not believing that her palate would betray her like that. "Could you grab me two plates, knifes and forks, please?"
"I already ate. This is all yours."
Lena glared at her again before lifting the sandwich towards her mouth. A pleased hum escaped her lips with her first bite. "This does not taste like those coronary blocking monstrosities you usually eat. Where did you get this again?"
"Uh…" Kara toyed with the discharged paper not… Nervously… Was that shyness Lena was detecting?
"Kara?" Lena spoke softly.
"It's not local."
"Kara?" Lena insisted, breath caught in her throat, sandwich almost forgotten.
"Okay. You told me once that the best burger you've ever tasted was from this restaurant in Metropolis?" Kara's tone was hesitant.
Lena's eyes teared up without her consent upon learning the confirmation to what she had already concluded before she even asked Kara about the origins of the meal she was consuming.
When she took that first bite, she made the connection, she recognized the condiments and the texture of the meat, but she had to hear it from Kara herself.
Her sweet, thoughtful, incredible friend had flown across the country to surprise her with her favorite burger because she knew Lena's appetite wasn't one hundred percent.
Lena felt her heart pressing against her ribs.
"I can't believe you crossed the country to buy me a burger, and then proceeded to trick me into thinking it was yours," Lena said in incredulity. She was certain her lips were on the verge of puckering and the way Kara was looking at her told Lena her eyes were betraying her attempt at coolness as well.
"It's not a big deal." Kara smiled sweetly.
"Thank you." Lena's voice cracked in gratitude and she smiled in return.
"Anytime."
Kara touched the back of Lena's hand and Lena changed the course of the conversation because she was not going to full-on cry over a burger. Only it wouldn't be because of a burger if she did so, and she was fully aware of that.
She took a big gulp of water to try to get her emotions under control, something that was proving to be very hard with the extra shot of hormones running through her body. "How did you know?"
"How did I know…"
"That I would be up to eating this?"
"Oh! I read somewhere that an expectant woman's sense of smell and taste buds change during pregnancy, so I thought it was worth a try, since it's something I know you only indulge every once in a lifetime." Kara exaggerated her enunciation of the last few words, and they both chuckled.
"You're a really great friend."
"Eat up before I get hungry again."
"Can you really hear their heartbeat?"
They had moved to the living room after Lena finished her dinner. It was an hour later and there was still no sign of her getting sick again, and this was the best she'd felt the entire day.
Lena was reading over some documents on her tablet as Kara typed away the article she had due the following day. She was meant to finish it that afternoon, but she was called away to fulfill her Supergirl duties.
"I can," Kara said looking up with a grin. She closed the notebook lid a little more forcebly than it was recommended, but Lena wasn't about to point that out to her. She scooted closer to Lena and extended her hand. "Here, give me your arm," Kara didn't even wait for Lena to process her request. She ever so gently lifted Lena's hand and placed her arm on her lap.
"What are you-" Lena interrupted herself when she realized what Kara was doing. "Oh." Her mouth hung slightly open for a few seconds.
Kara was drumming her index and middle fingers on Lena's forearm to the rhythm of the baby's heartbeat, Lena realized.
"I know it's not the same as actually hearing it, but-"
Lena's exhale faltered. "No. No, it's…" Lena didn't know what to say. She knew her body wasn't just her own right now, but to see a distinguishable evidence of it… One that didn't involve her feeling awful… To see... To feel such tangible evidence of the life she was carrying inside her body… It was definitely something she wasn't expecting to experience that night. Kara wasn't holding back on her surprises tonight.
"Thank you, Kara." Lena spoke softly, her eyes were shining, and a tight-lipped smile adorned her face.
Kara ducked her head and smiled back with a couple of short nods.
"So, how did you know, exactly?" Lena asked.
Kara frowned and realization showed in her features followed by a panicked look. Her eyes widened almost comically and her lips parted a few times; however, no sound came out. She fiddled with her glasses and brought her hands to rest on her lap, fingers wringing; an array of signs Lena knew all too well indicated her best friend was nervous about whatever was going to flow out of her mouth.
"Hey, you can tell me," Lena spoke, a mix of concern and curiosity evident in her tone.
"You didn't answer your phone yesterday morning when I tried calling," Kara offered timidly.
"So you tuned your super-hearing to my apartment?" Lena knew how her best friend's augmented earshot worked, she had read about it on the files Lex kept on Superman. What Lena was trying to understand was what had made Kara think she needed to listen for her.
"Not exactly. I mean, it was, but-" Kara took a deep breath as if to get time to gather her thoughts.
Except Lena knew better, and she was certain Kara was unsure about whatever she was about to disclose.
"Usually, you'd be up by the time I called," Kara continued. "So, uh, you would either have answered the call or ignored it and then I'd know you'd call me as soon as you could. When you did neither, I got worried so I tuned in on your heartbeat." Kara explained. "I'm sorry if that was overstepping any boundaries."
She had felt cared for, sure. Loved even, but there was something about this confession, something that made her feel a different kind of loved. Something resembling the familial love she once felt but not quite. Something she couldn't exactly distinguish. Something she filed as a best friend kind of love, a love she was sure she never felt because she never had a best friend before, or at least not one like Kara.
Although she didn't have vivid recollections of her mom, her biological mom, the one she knew in her heart deserved the title, Lena knew she was loved by her in the short period they had together.
She had no doubt of that.
In the very few flashes of memory she had from her life before moving into the Luthor household, from before becoming a Luthor, in the very few flashes she allowed to resurface from time to time, in the very few recollections she allowed herself to dwell on every once in a while, she could feel she had been happy in her first years of life.
Every time she accessed those few scarce, faceless, mostly blurred memories, she would feel enveloped by elation and a longing she was sure originated from her mom's short presence in her life in those early years. A low-pitched, comforting voice whispering her good morning; a fruity scent Lena couldn't place, yet one she could smell if she closed her eyes and tried hard enough. The stuffed bear she managed to keep for all these years, though now it rested inside a box in her closet, but one which had been such a soothing company for so long. The image of a tiny hand inside a delicate, larger one as it guided her through her first trip to the beach on her fourth birthday - the last, most lucid recollection of her time with the woman who brought her to life.
There was also Lionel, who loved her in his own way. She was sure of that. He was a closed-off man, most of the time, but she felt her father's love on a few occasions. The one that stayed with her for all these years, the one she caught herself reminiscing about sometimes - even when the rational part of her tried to lock those memories away - was all the times he would come home from a business trip and he'd place his briefcase on the floor the minute he spotted her and how then he would open his arms and the younger version of herself would come running right into his awaiting embrace.
Lena would say, "Hi dad. I missed you." And he would squeeze her still tiny body against his own frame a bit tighter and then he would let out a long, silent breath and in that simple, quiet act, she knew he loved her just as much as she grew to love him.
Lex loved her as well. After she had lost her mom, her brother was the first person to show her he cared. She remembered her first night at the Luthor manor like it was yesterday. She found herself in a completely strange place yet again, after having spent a couple of nights at the orphanage. But there, Lena had other children her age sharing a bedroom with her. She wasn't alone. At her new home, she was surrounded by vast, unknown, empty space. She didn't have her toys and games with her; she didn't have her books; she didn't have her favorite blanket; she didn't have the calming voice of her mom reading her a bedtime story. All she had was the darkness of her room, a bed larger than she'd ever seen, and silence.
She remembered lying there on that bed after having said goodnight to her new father and looking at the bare ceiling and walls, and she held Petit closer to her chest and her lips quivered without her consent. She was not going to cry, she recalled telling herself. She was a big girl, the nice woman she met a few days ago had told her after she finally convinced Lena to get into the car with her.
But she was sad and scared and she missed her mom. It was impossible to control that one tear that rolled down her soft cheek, still full of the remaining baby fat in her body. Just as she had felt another couple of tears win the battle, the door to her bedroom was pushed open and Lex timidly stood there.
Her brother searched her face in the fairly dark room and asked the younger version of herself if she wanted him to read her a story. She nodded fervently and wiped the tears away. He approached the bed and turned the bedside lamp on and asked her if she had a favorite book. She nodded again and told him it was Le Petit Prince. She told him she was reading that with her mom before... But she didn't have it with her. She couldn't bring it with her, she had explained to him. He excused himself saying that he would be right back.
As promised, he reentered the room with a book on his hand a few minutes later. Lex settled beside her at the edge of the bed and began reading it from the start. When she interrupted him a few lines in by saying he wasn't reading it right, there was a funny look on his face, which now her adult self recognized as realization about the fact that she was used to hearing the story being told in French.
That night was just the first of many to follow where he would sneak into her room to tuck her in, read her a story and wish her goodnight with a kiss on her forehead and a promise to see her in the morning. Until Lillian caught on on what was happening, that is.
So, yes, Lena knew she felt loved once upon a time, but even on her father and brother's best days, she never felt like she did when Kara admitted to listening to her heart. How she felt upon learning that the ordinary act of not answering her phone had gotten Kara so worried something was wrong she needed to check right that instant. Maybe there should be something concerning about it in some level, had this sort of behavior come from someone else. But being the person that she was, and the amount of threatens she had received in her life, Lena understood the need Kara felt to make sure there was nothing wrong.
It wasn't rooted in possession, it wasn't rooted in distrust.
Amidst millions and millions of heartbeats in National City, Kara was able to zoom in on hers. Kara was able to identify hers.
It was rooted in sheer, profound care.
Lena felt a surge of feelings bloom in her chest, and a slight brush on her arm.
Coming back to herself, Lena realized she must have had spaced out if the concerned look on Kara's face was any indication.
"You okay?" Kara asked gently.
"Yeah, I'm, I'm okay," Lena smiled in reassurance. "And you didn't cross any boundaries, Kara. I… I appreciate you looking out for me." Lena rested a hand on Kara's thigh, and added softly, "Okay?"
Kara nodded.
"That's how you picked up on the baby's heartbeat?" Lena gestured to her stomach. Saying the words out loud was still a foreign concept to her. It would take some adjustment to the reality of being pregnant.
"Yeah. At first I thought you had company-"
Lena's snort interrupted Kara. "Sorry." She waved a hand in apology.
Kara shook her head in amusement, holding back a chuckle. "But then I realized it was impossible to dissociate the two sets." Kara smiled and then she let out a chuckle. "I almost cracked my phone when it dawned on me the reason why."
Lena's head fell back on the couch in a loud unfiltered laugh.
She'd never had a friend like Kara indeed.
Thank you for reading, and I'm sorry if it was disappointing. I know it took a turn to the angsty lane for a bit there, but I really couldn't help it.
I'd really love to read your thoughts. :)