Rey crouched and squinted into the darkness. she had followed Kylo's footsteps after he departed. She had't felt him leave the planet, so she assumed the fuzzy outline of what looked like a First Order transport ship held him in inside.
She cursed her carelessness. She had acted irresponsibly. She was so used to being alone, she rarely encountered any lifeforms outside of the outpost and the ship graveyard during all the years living on her own. Her sorrow blocked everything else.
She paused and felt an incredible realization fill her. Someone had finally come for her on Jakku.
She felt hot and stupid tears blurring her vision. Him coming didn't matter, he still wanted what she couldn't give him. He had come selfishly to use her to fulfill his own conceited desires. She wiped her eyes forcefully. Her face burned.
What was happening? She whipped around and ran down the dune back towards the AT-AT, trying so hard to hate him. And she did hate him. She hated him for making her feel like this.
She settled down to sleep and she couldn't help but glance at the scratched tally on the wall beside her. She had added to the tally each night only because it felt wrong not to do so. Recording each day reminded her of her own existence. Even if no one ever came back for her, she would never let herself forget that she still remained; living, breathing, hoping.
She reached for the rock she used to scratch into the metal wall and her arm froze in midair. She could feel his presence pulsating through her, not giving her a chance to forget him.
She had banked her identity on her family returning. She had dreamt of the answers they would bring her. What was she now? Many knew her as Rey the Jedi, a beacon of hope for the rebels. She wanted to embrace this. Her life would be so much simpler if she could. It had made her feel even more separated from her peers. They were friendly with her in a reverent way. She was their holy mother, and she was treated as if she existed in a heaven that they could only dream of entering. Conversations were no longer casual. She was used as a figurehead in a larger system. War meant politics, something Leia was well versed in. She hadn't felt used by Leia in the slightest but she also didn't feel like she acted of her own accord. The cause was greater than herself. Whenever her thoughts strayed to her own feelings of doubt and self interest she felt guilty. These thoughts betrayed the Resistance, and more importantly, they betrayed this new identity that she knew did not belong to her.
Her arm still remained suspended in the air. She looked at it and considered the rock in her hand for a moment before letting her arm fall down to her side. She tossed the rock on the ground and turned over, succumbing to sleep.
She entered the ruins of The Ravager and saw that he was waiting for her. He sat in a dark corner on the platform of the flight deck cross legged. He looked up at her, watching intensely.
Of course, she had known he would be there, he had sat in the same spot the last two days and watched her work. Neither of them lad said anything, and Rey was determined to keep it that way. He couldn't stay on Jakku forever. She continued with her scavenging as if he wasn't there. She still had a job to do, and she wasn't about to let him distract her.
She marched past him without a word and began to unpack her tools. She could feel his gaze boring into her back.
She crossed the ruined flight deck towards where she had found the shield generator a few days before. She found atmosphere ducts close to the main shield generator in The Indictor, so she hoped to find some here as well.
She crumpled another panel with the force, removing it easily, and entered the innards of the ship.
Another day passed with him watching her. The longer he stayed silent, the more agitated Rey felt. She had planned on ignoring him, but she had also planned on him making some sort of advance on her again, similar to the one he made the first night he arrived. She was used to a Kylo that acted out when he didn't get what he wanted. She half expected him to get up at some point to slash at one of the walls with his lightsaber. But he just continued to sit there. He seemed like he had entered a meditative state. He did not eat. He did not switch positions.
Rey was also not used to someone watching her work, let alone exist around her on Jakku. Knowing that someone was there, where usually no one would be, nagged at her. And it wasn't just someone, it was him. Someone that understood strange aspects of her that she didn't grasp fully.
She looked down at him, meeting his eyes for the first time since the night he arrived.
Suddenly the silence felt wrong. She felt her curiosity getting the better of her. He had been silent for so long, would it be Kylo that spoke to her or Ben? Or neither of the two? Would he even speak at all? The words in her throat that she had swallowed back for days finally tumbled out, "So this is your plan? You're just going to sit and wait in the hopes that I will change my mind?"
He gazed up at her. "I don't have a plan."
His voice sounded the same as it sounded a few nights previously. Steady and deep. Somewhere in between the two men. She scowled at him. "You're toying with me."
The smallest smirk came to his lips, "If that's what you think."
Rey felt her cheeks grow hot and she quickly busied herself with gathering the parts she found. She was frustrated already, and they hadn't even spoken more than two sentences to one another. She sent down the parts with the force and then followed by descending on her rope.
Once she set foot on the platform again, she turned to see he was still smirking at her.
"Really. What's your game here?"
"Kylo shook his head, clearly enjoying her confusion. "No game."
Rey threw her hands up in the air and began to gather the day's parts into a single large pile. "You can't just stay here forever!"
"And you can't deny me forever. I have seen your mind. With each passing day you gain more insight. You are drifting away from the path that others have set for you and learning more about who you actually want to become."
Rey froze. He stood up and walked towards her, stopping only a few feet away.
"We both know what we saw Rey. On Ahch-to. I saw you with me. You saw me with you."
This was it. She had expected this days ago, and she was prepared for the argument. He was so close. She wanted to run but again, like many times when she found herself with him, her legs wouldn't move. She shook her head steadily.
"I saw you standing with me," she said softly, "We were on the same side. If what I saw was true you will come to fight with the Resistance."
"And if what I saw was true you will stand with me. The Resistance has nothing to do with it. Neither does The First Order."
"Ben."
"Stop calling me that."
"It's your true name!"
"I won't ever be what you expect of that name," he said quietly.
The pain that she had so clearly felt when he shared his memories with her in the throne room rushed back to her. She was suddenly filled again with that same intense anguish and compassion.
Rey saw Han's face in her mind then. She didn't see the Han she knew, she saw the Han she had tried to forget. The father who looked at his son with an indifference that cut deeply. She wasn't entirely sure if he was sharing this vision with her again, or if her own mind had brought it forward.
"I—" Her voice crawled out from the back of her throat, breaking under the weight of what she felt. "I don't expect anything of your name. I expect you to move forward. It's a name riddled with pain from your past, and that's why you hate it. Getting rid of the name and adorning a new one cannot erase what has happened! You told me I needed to let the past die to move forward—that's not how it works—"
Rey couldn't continue, she wracked with sobs. Her parents graves lived fresh in her mind. She had tried to let them die behind her without mourning, but it was impossible.
Touches of grief rang through their bond on both sides. She could feel him taking great effort to repress the choking sadness and regret that came to him from the truth of her words. His voice in her head softer than he could ever audibly utter.
It's too painful.
She nodded weakly at the ground. She had managed to marginally crack his composure. The immense regret from the patricide started to seep out. Maybe it was only a half step forward, but she felt the force swell around her as if to congratulate her on the small victory.
Kylo seemed to notice the sudden shift also and dared to move closer to her, lifting his arm as he advanced.
She felt a weight on her shoulder, his gloved fingers pressed into her skin lightly.
When she looked up in surprise she saw that he looked just as surprised by his action as she did. After a moment his shock ebbed away into a rich intensity that made her shudder.
"Rey… I need you."
Neither of them moved for a few moments. She expected to feel frightened by his closeness but she did not. Only a burning eagerness welled deeply within her. The last man who had touched her this gently was Finn, and she had felt none of the things she felt in this moment. The thought of him and Rose curled against one another in the Falcon flashed through her mind. The sight of them together caused a strange and uncomfortable tautness below her waist that was identical to what she felt now. It was a foreign sensation that she had never felt at a close proximity with another body.
At the Niima Outpost she had evaded abduction multiple times, but not before several creatures held her still and forced themselves upon her before she could squirm away. Their mouths would meet hers with disgusting wetness. It felt like nothing but pressure on her skin. Their hands running over her clothed body felt invasive and sickening. She always managed to escape before it went beyond that. As a result, she believed touch was something to be feared. So when Finn had first taken her hand she felt confused by the lack of revulsion she felt. The first time she hugged Finn she had startled herself. She didn't know why she was doing it, but it had just felt right in spite of her history. She looked up at Kylo's lips and felt a similar push.
She moved her hands to the sides of his head and brought it down to meet hers. Their lips brushed together for a brief second. The flood of desire she felt was too strong, too encompassing. She shoved him away with the force, causing him to slide back from her on the platform. He looked stunned, his hand lingered over his mouth where hers had just been moments before.
Kylo collected himself somewhat quickly and advanced towards her, "Rey—"
"No!" She threw out her hand in front of her, stopping him in his tracks. "No. This can't happen. I made a mistake."
"It can happen." He had a wild look about him. "This bond between us. Rey. It's only growing stronger. The force is pushing us together. I know you could feel it just now, we felt the same thing."
Rey shook her head violently and her legs finally moved beneath her. She darted across the platform and into the passageway where she found the generator days earlier. The final rays of light from the day had nearly sunk beneath the horizon, casting little light into the depth of the eroding star destroyer. The tautness in her stomach morphed into a small panic that hit her in waves. She mistakenly thought the reactions would quell by distancing herself from him. She leaned back into the bundles of wires and control panels covering the walls.
He came into view and looked into passageway, a pained and desperate look on his face.
She stared at his body in the opening. Her heart pounded faster. This was when she would tell him to turn around. To scream at him to leave the planet. But the words never came. Instead, she heard her voice, loud and clear in her mind.
I need you here, now.
He bent down slowly and crept inside. He stopped in front of her, only half his face visible in the fading light. She felt him take her hand and squeeze it gently. His other hand rose to cup her face. She felt everything at once. He had removed both gloves, the touch of both his hands on her skin was too much to bear. A low, pleasant humming filled her ears, and the pressure in her abdomen felt close to bursting. She opened her eyes to see him feeling everything she did.
He brought them together, his hands holding both sides of her face. His lips met hers hungrily and sloppily. Each kiss drove her deeper into the machinery and soon she was completely flush against him. Kylo tensed up at the full contact and pulled away slightly to look at her. He looked terrified but determined. The look on his face caused her to burn beneath him.
His hands moved to clutch her waist and Rey's breath hitched at the rapid recall of memory. Finn's hand disappearing up Rose's bed shirt, the odd noises that seemed to escape her when he touched her there. Rey needed to know what it felt like.
She brought his hands to the hem of her tunic and slipped his fingers underneath. The initial contact sent a rush of pleasure over her that drew a small whimper from somewhere deep inside her body, and she instinctively slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle the bizarre noise. His fingers trembled on her as he slowly started to explore her torso beneath her tunic. The pads of his fingers traced her skin delicately, as if he pressed too hard she would disappear in his arms.
"Move your hand." He told her hoarsely.
She removed her palm from her face and he moved in to kiss her again, enveloping her in softness. He was timid and cautious in his movements, though Rey felt he didn't want to be.
When she dared to open her eyes she caught glimpses of him in the soft light of the evening, the paleness of his skin, the scar she gave him cascading down his cheek, the waves and small tangles in his black hair.
When they broke apart to catch their breath, Kylo pried himself away from her. He slid his fingers along the curves of her waist before they left her body. He turned away and covered his face with his hands.
The force purred between them, it was a rumbling noise so loud it banished the ability to think any coherent thoughts.
When he looked at her again, Rey was panting heavily. An apparent wetness had pooled between her thighs, a bodily reaction she had also felt in the outpost. She wrongly assumed back then that it was a side effect of fear.
She wanted him on her again but she also needed him to leave. A silent understanding passed between them. This was it for now.
Kylo swallowed nervously and ran a hand through his hair. He slipped his gloves back on and backed out of the passageway.
Rey waited until she felt his presence leave the ship graveyard and sank down to her knees, letting her tears flow once more.