"You don't call that treacherous behavior?"
"You tampered with the unknown—it wasn't her doing it on her own accord!"
"Her zanpakutou handled the situation—you have no right to say that what happened was her doing!"
My eyes opened to a white, fluorescent-lighted room. I scrunched my eyes shut at the harsh light, and turned on my side in a curl to fight from the cold that tingled my bare skin. I didn't want to get up—I didn't want to deal with any of this right now. All I wanted more than anything was to just curl up in bed and let myself recuperate from the visual that replayed beneath closed eyelids.
While I took comfort in the fact that everything I've done was to help someone—the outcome of what happened completely crushed me. The look of her when…
I opened my eyes to rid myself of the visual; looking around to see that I was in the same room Kurotsuchi-Taichou scanned me in. This wasn't the place where I could just mourn—there was an argument going on about me just outside the room. I had to explain to them what happened—it wasn't my fault that—
My eyes widened.
"Nemuri!" I gasped as I sat straight up.
The conversation outside halted completely.
Although I felt weak, I quickly made my way to the door and opened it to race out. I saw several pairs of eyes on me, but their calling fell on deaf ears as my eyes fell on a small figure with several men around her. I raced as quickly as my legs could take me to her—pushing past everyone until I was seized by the back of my gown.
"You will go nowhere near her," Kurotsuchi-Taichou threatened as he pulled me back.
"What did I do to her?" I turned back to look at him.
"Let her go this instant, Kurotsuchi," Toushirou was by my side, glaring him down with such an intensity that my skin shivered—hearing him snatch Kurotsuchi-Taichou's forearm didn't help either.
A small yelp had my head snap forward.
I didn't care if I got in trouble—I reached back and took hold of the fabric in his grasp, and lurched myself forward as hard as I could; twisting myself and tearing the gown in my escape. I pushed between the medics until she finally came into view.
She looked horrible.
She was on the table I was previously on; arms and legs straightened and fastened to metal rods. It looked temporary for now—the first action they took was to heal her as best as possible externally before possibly proceeding in surgically. Her pale skin was blotched with deep purples and burgundies, and her face was scrunched up in pain even through what I'm sure was a kido-induced coma. My eyes narrowed on the surgical-steel knife on the tray adjacent to one of the medics…dear Kami—what have I done?
During that brief moment I inspected her, Kurotsuchi-Taichou snapped at Toushirou. I was too focused on Nemuri in front of me to really tune into them—my guilt for what I'd done too overwhelming to deal with anything else at that moment.
"It broke almost all the bones in her body," Musei no Koe began in my mind. "I woke up before it snapped her neck, and punctured her lungs."
Cue my tears.
While I didn't have trouble processing just how absolutely malicious and evil The Shinwa was, I still didn't want to believe it—I didn't want to believe that it was a part of me, and I didn't want to face the fact that I didn't have the choice to rid myself of it. I didn't want to sacrifice others to satisfy its hunger—the thought of killing…
I stared into Nemuri trying to stifle myself, but to no avail. She didn't deserve what I did to her…she didn't deserve what I—
"I can help," Musei no Koe intruded my thoughts. "I can heal her, Akinoyo."
"What do you mean?" My face scrunched with question. "You said that you can only phase through attacks—not heal them. On top of that, it only applies to me, doesn't it?"
"The Shinwa is active now; I will explain in depth when we begin to reestablish our connection, but for the time being, I can utilize The Shinwa for this task."
The whites of Mai's eyes along with her screaming face met me when I closed my eyes to choke out a sob. I opened my own reddened eyes to stare straight into her generational-gapped twin—the expression on her face nowhere near Mai's, but still enough to make me want to take myself into the next room and tap out of this situation with the closest sharp object.
"But…Mai…"
"This is different, Akinoyo—we weren't who we were back then. We have learned how to—"
I was tugged back before she could finish her sentence. I traced the hand on my arm to see Rangiku was the one who pulled me; her eyes focused on the argument I'd selfishly tuned out of.
"Regardless of what happened, Kiteyama is—"
"Hosting a monstrosity within her that possesses malevolent power of its own? Yes, you're correct, Hitsugaya-Taichou," Kurotsuchi sneered; cutting him off. "Now that it has been provenby the deadlystrike on Nemuri Hachigou; Kiteyama Akinoyo must be contained at all costs!"
"Yet she was able to halt the flower before Nemuri met death, Kurotsuchi-Taichou. You're focusing on one single piece of the event—not the event as a whole!" Abarai-Taichou countered.
"Musei no Koe," I called internally—at her lack of response, I assumed she was waiting for me to continue. "With you and I both fully revitalized now—are we able to control The Shinwa?"
"To an extent. We only used it when there wasn't an alternative, and only when we needed to provide it sustenance. Your hatred forbade me from using it for any other reasons, however, against your wishes, I learned how to control it to an extent."
"So, we can keep it under control in the sense of it lashing out on its own?" I asked.
"By the sacrifices—yes. Once it indicates it is time and we in turn supply it, then it will remain under our command."
"What do you need to heal Nemuri?"
"Reign over your body. Trying to command The Shinwa without doing so at this moment will bear only one result."
She didn't need to finish her sentence—I trusted her words enough without the convincing.
Loud, almost sporadic beeping broke my trance along with the argument.
"Where is the relief unit?" One of the medics shouted. As another one answered with a frantic reply, one turned to Kurotsuchi-Taichou.
"Kurotsuchi-Taichou, we haven't another moment to lose—if this is delayed any longer, her lungs will collapse. We're at an extremely high risk, Sir! What are your orders?"
It was now or never.
"Kurotsuchi-Taichou!" I stepped forward toward him right before he answered the medic. "I can heal her! There's no need to wait for—"
"You? Healing? After the scene you just made in my lab, and hurting her in the first place? Why would I ever even consider taking any offer for help from you?" He spat at me.
"Because it's different now—now that The Shinwa is active I can—"
"The Shinwa?"
"I'll explain later—can you please just trust me?"
"Absolutely not!"
"You heard the men—the risks for the operation are high and she needs to be healed now!" I shouted back.
"Kiteyama," Toushirou tried to stifle me.
"No!" I shook off his verbal attempt and stomped forward toward Kurotsuchi-Taichou. "You can't do this to her! You can't just stand there and deny aid for her! She's what—five? Let me just—"
"The answer is no, and that's final!" Kurotsuchi-Taichou sneered at me.
A hand was on my shoulder now, and judging by the size of the hand I knew it was Abarai-Taichou trying to calm me down. The thing about it was though—my guilt wouldn't back down from this.
"I'll take the repercussions you see fit later then." I glared up at Kurotsuchi. "Musei no Koe," I called her aloud.
Immediately, Musei no Koe's reiatsu made itself known; everyone in the room aside from Toushirou tensing in defense at her presence. In a blink, she had control over me, and waved my hand so the medics were forcefully moved.
Kurotsuchi-Taichou flashed over to me; gripping my shoulder harshly with his other hand on his zanpakutou. "I said you will—"
"Silence." Musei no Koi replied; only a stare freezing Kurotsuchi-Taichou in place. "Stand aside," she ordered Toushirou and Abarai-Taichou with a gaze too intense to ever be my own.
"Musei no Koe—was it?" Toushirou began—oh thank Kami he could tell the difference! "You're sure you can do this?"
She gazed into him in almost a glare, but he didn't back down from returning her gaze with his own icy one. She turned to look at Nemuri before answering.
"Akinoyo's lack of patience caused the scene earlier—if all of you had awaited my recuperation, none of that would have happened. I will allow Akinoyo to explain what I have told her, but while I'm in control, let me make this perfectly lucid—do not experiment with The Shinwa again for the time being. I can control it at this moment in time, but on the off chance of a negative reaction to tampering, I cannot guarantee at this point that I will be able to control it in that state again—it was a miracle I was able to save this young girl's life as it is. Until Akinoyo regains her abilities, it is unwise to tamper with it any further. Am I understood?"
Toushirou quickly looked to Abarai-Taichou and Rangiku—not even gracing Kurotsuchi-Taichou with a glance.
"Understood." He replied.
"Step back, Hitsugaya Toushirou," she commanded.
As soon as he obliged, that low hum of power she'd used to contain Kurotsuchi-Taichou and push the medics out of the way amplified tremendously. As she rose my hand, that golden aura I'd seen in my memories emitted from my skin; vibrations of The Shinwa's power surging through my bones. She removed the metal rods that straightened Nemuri's limbs without even a flick of my wrist—the rods levitating and moving through the air before being set down on another table.
Nemuri rose next by Musei no Koe's doing—she outstretched my arms, and brought Nemuri into them. Holding her small body brought back those past memories of Mai—the hurt in my heart over what happened, and the fear of it repeating. At the same time however, all I wanted to do was cradle the girl in my arms in repentance for what happened to her. I'm sure that after this, I wouldn't be able to see Nemuri again—I was glad I got to at the very least do this.
That golden glow engulfed her—her little body moving slightly at The Shinwa's entry into her.
"Have faith in me,"
Within seconds her eyes shot open—dazed, confused, and scared. She didn't move, but assessed what the situation was before taking action.
"Rest easy, young Shinigami—you are safe." Musei no Koe told her.
She looked extremely hesitant—shit, I didn't blame her—but in a mere moment, her lungs filled as if the oxygen by itself caused immense relief. I watched as the blotches on her skin dissipated, and within seconds it was like nothing had ever happened to her. That vibrant, youthful glow was back, and her emerald eyes widened with the realization that she wasn't hurt anymore. Musei no Koe set her down on the table, and the child stretched out her hands and legs as if for the first time—flicking each of her fingers and twisting her torso as she took a deep breath.
The golden aura enveloping her began to dissipate at that moment, and I could feel The Shinwa's energy lent to her recede to flow back into me. The feeling itself was almost as if a strong breeze hit me; my skin on the verge of goosebumps from the fraction of power that Musei no Koe utilized—I wondered just how it would feel full force.
Musei no Koe looked down at Nemuri—her unsure facial expression making me still feel terrible about the entire ordeal. I felt like Musei no Koe wanted to upturn the corner of my lips, but she didn't—she merely turned to look at Kurotsuchi-Taichou, and rose her hand.
His body broke from the frozen state she left him in along with the other medics, and immediately he flashed to me and took me by my throat.
"Assault on a Taichou means—"
Before he could finish his sentence, Toushirou and Abarai-Taichou were on him—Toushirou's zanpakutou at his throat, and Abarai-Taichou with her palm at his abdomen in a firm, concentrated, and deadly position.
"You believe you stand a chance against The Shinwa that has held you captive twice? Your incompetence is atrocious for lack of a better word." Musei no Koe stared into him with disinterest.
"Stand down, Kurotsuchi," Toushirou warned with that threatening tone.
"The threat at this moment in time, is any tampering with The Shinwa itself while Akinoyo has yet to fully reestablish her dominance. You seem to be the Shinigami in command of this research facility—with that title, I would assume it indicates that you are the most intellectual of the facility. That being the case, it would be wise of you to heed my warning," Musei no Koe explained.
Without even moving, she froze him again—stepping out of his grasp before releasing the hold on him. His reiatsu flared with anger, but Musei no Koe strode toward the seating area and took a seat completely unfazed while the man remained frozen. Toushirou and Abarai-Taichou released their grasp of the petrified man, and as soon as they did, Musei no Koe turned him so that he faced my direction.
"Go ahead—speak." She told him.
His nostrils flaring but the rest of his body remaining still told me that she only allowed head movement from him—she was seriously pushing it.
"The day the order is given to slay you, will be the day you wish you never challenged me." He borderline snarled.
The small, confident smirk playing on my lips lacked any false bravado—she was ecstatic about the threat.
"If that day comes—I'd love to see your failure of an attempt."
Oh man…the sass was too real! Even though I was as giddy as a child that just beat a videogame, I was in such shit for this.
She made me look at Toushirou, and with a glint in her eye, leaned back and crossed my right leg over my left along with crossing my arms. "I trust as her guardian, you understand the severity of this situation. All time is crucial now due to The Shinwa's wake—the quicker I can reestablish our bond, the less likely all of you perish in one foul swoop. Please keep that in mind before taking any action. I will require your help in these coming days—please be prepared."
"Understood." Toushirou replied.
She looked back to Kurotsuchi-Taichou, and within an instant he was free. "Until tomorrow then," she smirked at him before closing my eyes.
As soon as I opened my eyes not even a second later, I was back in control. As much as I didn't want to, I immediately did what had to be done.
I got up swiftly, stepped forward and bowed to Kurotsuchi-Taichou. "My apologies for disobeying your orders, Sir! I did it for the sake of Nemuri Hachigou's well-being—I will receive with open arms any punishment befitting for my action."
Kami this was disgraceful. Bowing down to anyone in itself made my gut churn with bitterness—but with this type of society, it wasn't like I had much of a choice anymore.
"All of you—get out of my sight," Kurotsuchi-Taichou's hand went to the hilt of his zanpakutou. "While this case is still open, I'll refrain from executing befitting punishment, but when this is over, you lot will not be let off easily." He threatened.
"I agree, Sir," I replied albeit with undercover sarcasm.
I rose from my bow, and as soon as I did, Toushirou motioned me out the door. Rangiku quickly grabbed my things, and Abarai-Taichou fell in suit with Toushirou and myself.
"Let's go to my office to discuss this," Abarai-Taichou said as soon as we emerged out of the facility.
"Agreed," Toushirou answered, looking down at me to see if I was ready to go.
In all honesty, I needed a cigarette—stat—but I knew that it wasn't the time for it just yet. I knew that this was more important, and my nerves would have to wait.
I gave him a curt nod, and immediately we were off.
-x-x-
After changing out of that gown, and recapping just what in the Hell happened over the time span of less than an hour, it was concluded that the only course of action to take at this point was to indeed heed my zanpakutou's warning. The plan for today was to lay low, and assess the situation rather than jumping to conclusions. I was thankful for it since I was still recuperating mentally from all of the recent events.
I didn't really delve into what happened with Mai during my explanation. I settled on briefly going over what happened for my own sake—just speaking about her aloud had me on the verge of tears, and I just wanted to get through everything as quickly as possible.
Abarai-Taichou seemed pretty lenient about the whole disrespectful bout toward Kurtosuchi-Taichou; she said that he was acting completely irrationally, and that with the situation being what it was, she was glad that I was able to save Nemuri. She told me that she knew someone with the same just, yet rebellious behavior I had, and the comment made something stir within Toushirou that I couldn't quite grasp.
"I'll take care of reporting this event to the Soutaichou, along with giving Kurotsuchi this new information. Please keep me posted," Abarai-Taichou told us when Toushirou decided it was time to leave.
"Thank you—you will be the first notified," Toushirou replied.
I gave my Taichou a quick bow out of respect, and with that, the three of us left. We made our way back to Toushirou's office, and while I was in his arms as he flashed back to the office, I felt like something wasn't right. Toushirou was already the quiet type, but this seemed like it was on a whole new level.
During my explanation of what happened, he had some input here and there, but nowhere near the usual output that he had. Was it something I did? Was it when I cut him off earlier when I was arguing with that dildo of a scientist? Was it—
Oh Kami.
Now that we both knew what I have within me—was he having second thoughts about his feelings for me?
I gripped his shihakushou collar tighter without thinking—my nerves taking over at this new realization that this might just be the part where Toushirou taps out. I couldn't read his emotions this whole time—I knew he was worried when I first came out of the room after examination, and I knew that he was against the entire thing. After I woke up however, his overall demeanor was different—something just didn't seem right.
I had a feeling I was 99% right about my assumption—who in their right mind would want to fuck around with an oddity like me? I have an entity within me that requires me to kill in its behalf in order for it to survive. Kami, he might as well be in a relationship with a fucking Hollow.
He didn't make any sudden movements at my action—normally he'd turn his head slightly or tap me with one of his fingers as a double-check on me, but now with this new information, I didn't blame him for not making that simple motion that comforted me. I could feel my eyes beginning to get heavy, but I had to remain calm. If this was how he felt about me now, then I had to be tough. I didn't want to cause him any trouble after everything he's done for me—the least I could do aside from just letting him confront me, was just leave peacefully to Rangiku's if that option was still available.
We made it to the office building; several of Toushirou's subordinates buzzing about doing their jobs and associating in a work-related fashion. Most gave a small nod to Toushirou and Rangiku, in which Toushirou didn't respond with more than eye contact as he walked—Rangiku winking, smiling, and waving at everyone.
Aside from my internal conflict, the feeling of being completely out of place walking alongside the two of them only amplified my self-battering. I felt so many eyes on me, and so many muffled words that I just wanted to cave into myself. With this feeling that everything between Toushirou and I was going up in flames after this ordeal, it only made me wonder if those whispers were getting to him as much as they were getting to me—was his status finally coming into play as I predicted? He'd told me he didn't care what others thought, but with all the babysitting and overall divvying of his responsibilities due to my incessant needs—was it wearing on him and also adding to this change in behavior?
We made it to the office, and as soon as we did, Toushirou instructed Rangiku to take his place at a meeting he had soon over at their training facility with their newer Squad members. With a pouty huff, she obliged to the order and made her way over to me.
"You were pretty brave today, Akinoyo-chan; I know that you're overwhelmed right now, but we're all here to help you," she smiled and took my shoulders. "I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of this soon," she winked.
"Thanks—I appreciate it " I managed to reply.
With a final upturn of her lips, she made her way out the door—leaving myself and the quiet Toushirou standing by his desk.
I stood there by the door awkwardly, and when he turned to look at me I realized just how weird it was that I was still hovering near the door rather than taking a seat on his guest couch like I normally would. I quickly disconnected our brief eye contact and wandered over by one of the book cases—too nervous to actual take said seat, and settling to stand for a few more moments before attempting to ask for a tobacco excursion.
I could feel his eyes on me, but he didn't say a word. What could I expect though with this new information brought to light? I couldn't expect what I began to regularly rely on from him anymore—why should he? My thoughts drifted to last night, and that huge step we took together—was it all for nothing now? Did he now regret everything?
I heard him moving, but made damn sure I didn't look back to him or halt my useless browsing at the literature decorating the shelves—I wasn't even really reading any of the titles. A small, metal clicking noise caught my attention next; the footsteps closing in me making my spine stiffen against my consent.
"Akinoyo," he called me as he continued his stride.
Good Kami. Play it cool, play it cool, play it cool…
"Yes?"
"What's on your mind?" He quickly got to the point.
Well, shit. To tell him? As much as I wanted to, I honestly didn't know If I could take it. I'd have to let him be the one to cut it—I wasn't emotionally brave enough to do it.
I turned around to face him—intimidated when I realized just how close he'd gotten to me—and backed up into the bookshelf with my hands behind my back; a small, smiling façade I made damn sure was on my face.
"Nothing really," I sheepishly replied—literally to no avail.
"Nothing? I find that hard to believe after today," he replied with that damn gaze I loved so much piercing into me—I quickly broke that eye contact.
"Well, I—uh—am just a bit overwhelmed I guess," I turned to mindlessly stare at the books. "It's a bit of a shocker when you find out you have a bloodthirsty demonic entity within you—ya know? To Hell with high hopes—right?"
It wasn't a lie—these thoughts were plaguing me, but not as much as what was going on between him and I. With him remaining by my side, I could somewhat deal with all this fucking bullshit I was in, but without him…well—there would be no guarantee that I'd wake up in the morning. It would have to take some serious mental hurdles to even think about beginning to work with this, and Kami, I didn't want to go through this by myself. I was such a weak failure now that I needed the hand-holding; I needed the additional support from someone I trusted and loved—but now look.
"Hope isn't gone—you know that. Matsumoto just finished telling you that we're all here for you—it will be difficult, but we're going to get through it."
He stepped forward toward me, and I quickly side-stepped before he made contact. I tried to play it off as a not-on-purpose action, but he was too smart to fall for my tricks.
"If I didn't know any better, there's something else you're not telling me," he began—I cut in before he could get to the main question.
"Nope, it's all good, Hitsugaya—just that." I tried to smile.
"Hitsugaya?"
Ah shit.
"That's your name isn't it?" I questioned hesitantly.
The look he gave me said it all—he knew what I was doing.
"Kiteyama," he returned the formality—quickly closing the remaining distance between us.
I had floated to the corner of the room by the window with my not-so-casual stroll, and where he stood completely blocked me from making any quick escapes.
"Y-Yes?" I stuttered.
"Humor me," he pressed—I tried not to gulp.
"I-I can't think of any other jokes aside from my existence," I nervously stammered some sarcasm.
"If that were true, I wouldn't have fallen for you," he outstretched his hand—I stared into like it was the last desert on the table and I'd been starving for months. "Why are you distancing yourself from me?"
Well, that got my hands to twitch—I clenched them into fists to avoid losing myself.
"Why wouldn't you distance yourself from me now that we've uncovered the truth?"
He took his hand back—the expression on his face serious, yet laced with hurt perhaps? "Because it doesn't change how I feel about you."
"Why wouldn't it?"
"Why would it?"
I pursed my lips, and turned to look out the sheer-curtained window. "Because now I have to kill innocent beings to satisfy this thing inside of me. A Taichou associating himself with someone like me in that way isn't quite the best for his reputation."
There was a moment of silence between us, and each second felt like a million years of torment. I had to hold myself together though—I couldn't just—
"Let me show you something," he intercepted.
I looked at him, and he outstretched his hand again to entice me. I looked between his eyes and his hand several times, and reluctantly placed my fingers into his palm.
"Let me show you why what happened today doesn't change anything between us, Akinoyo."
He yanked me into him.
I yelped from the unexpected action, and within moments he wrapped his arms around me and pressed his head against mine.
"This is where I want you—safe in my arms. Here, I can make sure that nothing and no one hurts you. It's the only way that I can fully express to you how much you mean to me—how precious you are to me." His hand rose to my shoulders; his warm palms trailing up my neck with pressured fingers to pull me into him.
"When I saw you on that table today, I was angry. I knew what was going through your mind, and I wanted you off that table at all costs. I know that right now you're trying to be strong; you're trying to redeem yourself and act like you used to be—cold and unaffected. For your pride, I let you make the decision to go through with it even though I didn't want to see you like that; I wanted you to feel safe and protected—but I couldn't do that. When everything happened with The Shinwa, I was worried about you and still am worried that with this you would revert completely to how you used to be. I don't want to see you go back to that place; I want you here, and I want to protect you—I can't stress that enough,"
He squeezed me, and his heart pounding with the emotion in his words made my insides melt at the intensity.
"The only way I can show you that I care for you is by what you're doing right now—letting me in. We made a promise to each other, and I fully intend to keep that promise to you no matter what gets thrown my way."
My uncontrollable whimpering had him pull back to look at me. I couldn't even begin to process just how much his words meant to me—all I could do was just let myself sob. He wiped some of my tears away, and cradled my cheek as he continued to make sure that the steel door in my mind threatening to slam shut remained permanently open.
"It's okay that you're scared; I'm going to see this through—I'm going to help you work through this. No matter what is happening to you, no matter what you are, or what is inside of you, the way I feel about you will not change."
He tilted my chin up so I would look at him, and I reluctantly gave into his demand. "Please don't fret over my reputation—please believe me when I say that you are not, and will not affect it. I know your concern is because you care, but I don't want you to think that I would allow it to hinder my relationship to you. Regardless of what happens, I care about you, Kiteyama Akinoyo; I don't care about anything else right now other than getting you out of this situation."
I lifted my hand to try and straighten myself up by wiping my tears and pinching between my eyes—I wanted to ask and say so much to him, but my vocal chords refused to cooperate with me due to his enticement.
"Akinoyo," he continued—I looked up at him with my flushed face in embarrassment. "I'm going to help you through this—while this is the only way I can show you at the moment how much I care for you, please have faith in me, and please don't distance yourself from me. I want you to know how important you are to me; I want you with me no matter what the cost."
He leaned down and pressed his forehead against mine in that comforting way he always did. "Will you allow me to be with you, and to do my best to help you?"
All I could do was nod into him. The emotional strain of all the new information hit me all at once and he knew it. He brought his lips to mine in a quick kiss before pulling back so I could take hold of him for dear life. He knew at that moment that I just needed him with me—and it brought more tears that someone cared about me enough to allow me.
"I'm here," he cooed. "I'll always be here for you,"
-x-x-x-x-
Hello Readers,
My sincerest apologies for how late this chapter is. Life has gotten more hectic than before, and I'm in the middle of yet another major life change in the same year. Because of this, I can't promise at the moment that this will be updated weekly, but I do promise to do my very best for you guys. Again, my apologies.
On another note—you've made it to Chapter 30! I want to thank all of you for reading, and want to let you know that you guys made my birthday wish come true…4,500 Views, and 70 Reviews for Hazed. You guys honestly made me cry out of sincere happiness—THANK YOU SO MUCH! One of the only things that makes me happy at this point is writing this fic, and seeing that people read it just makes my world that much brighter. Thank you all so very much—I appreciate all of you.
Much love guys,
-Vi.