"I'll be on the engawa when you're through," Toushirou told me; that firm, Taichou aura of his in full effect due to her presence—especially while she was here in his house.
I nodded to provide him confirmation, and he promptly exited the room—leaving Miyuki and I behind.
"How are you feeling?" she asked as I sat down on the mattress and she rustled through her medical bag.
I shrugged as she approached. "Fine I guess,"
She had a small flashlight in her hand, and she turned it on before instructing me with her other raised hand. "Look here, okay?" she pointed at her empty, risen hand.
She flashed the light into my eye; the damn light enough to make me wince a few times as it normally did. I caught her smile out of my periphery from my wince, and she let out a small, soft giggle as she always did. Soon enough she stopped, moving on with the inspection as she normally would.
"Kotetsu-Taichou didn't inform me exactly of what happened, but she told me that she wanted to make sure you were in the peak health Abarai-Taichou assured you were in. You look healthy, but even I am skeptical of how quickly you were able to heal—I can't say I haven't been worried about you," she explained, finishing and reaching down into her bag. "You can go ahead and disrobe,"
I did as instructed, making sure to take off even my corset so that she wouldn't make a fuss over it. Something about her today made me slightly on edge to disrobe. Clearly she'd seen all of me before, but I…I guess I wasn't sure if it was our last encounter, or just her aura in general—it was different. Her mannerisms were the same, but…something was just off.
Maybe that chance of her remembering everything made me hesitant? Maybe I just didn't want her to know what happened to me after she passed, and because of her passing? Kami only knows the true answer to it, but it didn't change the fact of my sudden discomfort in her presence. Regardless, it was unfair to her for me to show that discomfort, so I had to do my best to stifle it.
She turned back around with her stethoscope now around her neck and dangling; zeroing in on me as she normally did with her checkups. Her warm, delicate fingertips grazed over my torso—I did my best not to quiver at the touch as she pressed against me. She continued pressing around—seemingly checking for any abnormalities hidden beneath the skin. She took hold of my shoulder and gently coaxed me to turn so she could have a better look.
"Amazing," she commented on the inspection. "Not even a scar remains," she muttered to herself.
She pulled back, and took the rounded metal part of her stethoscope to her palm; warming up the cold metal before pressing it against my bare skin. She dropped it for a moment to secure the device properly in her ears, and then looked up at me for permission. A slight movement of my head for her permission, and she went in—commencing my forced deep breathing. She placed the metal in several spots, then reached under my arm to place it on my back.
She leaned incredibly close to me; her head mere inches away from my own at a mere 22:00—I averted my eyes to my right as some of her brown locks fell from her shoulder to brush against my collarbone.
"Mellifluous," she muttered.
My eyebrows furrowed—not only from the confusion, but from how close I didn't realize she'd gotten to my ear.
"The sound of a heartbeat—it's comfort in rhythmic patterns, no?" She asked rhetorically—leave it to me to answer anyway for nostalgia's sake.
"I agree," I muttered, my vocal chords straining from the emotion.
"It must be nice," she continued; withdrawing the device from my back to place it over my heart.
Now since I'd been in and out of the hospital since I've come to the Seireitei, I'd been examined all over the place—sometimes uncomfortably like with Kurotsuchi yesterday, but most of the time I knew the drill.
She…wasn't sticking to the drill.
Her whole palm pressed over my heart—the metal hearing device at the center. Okay, yes, it was most definitely weird and nerve-wracking how the tips of her fingers rested against my curve of my collarbone, but it didn't compare in the least...
Her forehead now rested against my own; her closed eyes and gentle smile completely unfazed in comparison to my completely dumbstruck facial expression. She'd never done this to me before—just what in the Hell—
"To have this all the time—to console the lonely nights," she opened her eyes, and looked directly into mine for an excruciatingly long moment before closing her eyes in a cute grin. "A dream, wouldn't you say?" she giggled.
My lips felt like numb, lifeless flaps of skin on my face. I didn't know how to react or what to say—it was like the only thing I could do was feel my heart thumping in my chest, and hear her somewhat seductive words through my ears.
All that went through my head were the old times between her and I; all the lonely nights we would soothe one another with just each others presence until the exhaustion dragged us to sleep. She would be as close to me as she was now—if not closer—and she would hold me; caress me for comfort. I'd take in her scent—the same one she still possessed—and just bask in her.
Back then I…back then all I could think about was how much I…
I had to stop this.
She wasn't my Queen anymore—she wasn't my world anymore.
She was dead—the woman I loved was dead.
Dear Kami—what was I doing?
"N-Nankai," I rose my hands to take hold of her shoulders, but right before I did, she backed away from me and resumed her proper posture.
"Everything looks great, Kiteyama-san!" she smiled, taking the instrument out of her ears and turning back to her medical bag to put them away. "Whatever it was that happened is simply amazing to have healed you to this point. I thought at the very least you would still have some stitches under your skin, but it took those out as well. Quite spectacular, really,"
She clasped her medical bag shut, and turned to look at me again. "You can go ahead and dress—the examination is—"
"What was that?" I accidently snapped harsher than I'd intended.
She stopped mid-movement toward the door at my question. Seeing her facial expression morph so quickly made me almost regret saying anything at all—she reminded me of cornered prey.
"I-I'm sorry?" she questioned back.
"Everything, Nankai."
She didn't say anything at first—confusion perhaps halting her immediate answer. She stared into me with an unknown glaze—was I being too harsh? She relaxed into proper posture, and turned to fully face me.
"I've been concerned about you, Kiteyama-san. I respect my orders and adhere to them, but for some reason," she fidgeted and broke eye contact. "You…worry me more than the others," she hesitated; nervously taking hold of her left forearm with her free hand to smother out her anxiousness.
Her words struck me. At first I was mean to her, and then after that I became—and still am somewhat—cold to her, yet she worries about me above the rest? I didn't understand.
"Why?" I prompted in a lighter tone this time.
"I…I don't really know why." She answered.
After a few moments of silence and intense thought-process, I started re-dressing. Dismissing it sounded far better at this point than endorsing unnecessary drama in my already dramatic life.
She just stared at me as I dressed, and when I got to the final tie of my obi, she squeaked up.
"I-I…hope I haven't insulted you?" she cautiously sounded.
I finished tying my obi and looked up to her—those damn eyes of hers glazed with regret and a bit of anguish making me just feel terrible.
"No, you haven't, Nankai," I began, taking hold of my zanpakutou to secure her at the small of my back. "I find it odd that you would have any sort of attachment to me when I'm not the jolliest person out there. If anything, I've just been rude to you unnecessarily—your worry seems a bit misplaced. However, you have a right as an intelligent life form to feel however you want to feel—to do whatever it is you want to do."
Maybe what I was about to do wasn't right, but it seemed like the less hurtful option to her than it was to me. And while I was skeptical, I had to remember Toushirou's words of optimism—maybe we could have a better relationship as a friendship than we had before. I needed friends, and while she was going to be difficult, maybe it would be for the best.
"Forget about what happened, Nankai," I walked to the shouji door; her worried eyes on me as I strutted. "I'd still like to go to that getaway with you this summer if you'll have me," I smiled.
Kami, this just sounded so out of character of me. But I guess if it was to keep the peace, and if it was to keep her at ease—as much as I didn't want to admit it—I'd have to grit my teeth and deal.
Her soft face brightened up like I'd just given a kid some candy, and she nodded as she replied. "I would like that!"
While the following analogy met criteria quite literally, I would have to follow it in one aspect in particularly: If you see a ghost—ignore it. Pretend it isn't there, and upon the lack of attention, it's efforts should cease and be deemed ineffective. Whatever it was that happened back there I was going to ignore and evade nonchalantly at all costs. Foolproof?
"Not when you're on your tier of fool," Musei no Koe just had to chime in.
I opened up the shouji, and motioned her out as she spoke lightly about the summer retreat. I smiled and feigned attention to be polite while my mind went rampant.
Musei no Koe didn't understand, and would never understand. While my decision was skeptical and hasty, it was the best one I could muster given the prior and current situation.
"Okay, Kiteyama-san, I'll see you soon!" she grinned, taking grip of her medical bag with both hands and turning to face me.
"Akinoyo," I smiled.
"Miyuki," she returned the smile with a blush tinting her cheeks and a stifled giggle.
"See ya," I nodded as I shut the door.
"Bye!"
Immediately upon shutting the door, I exhaled the pent up emotion in hopes of eradicating it entirely before meeting Toushirou. It was enough for him to deal with everything else going on with me—he didn't need to know what happened to just stress additionally.
I refocused with clenched fists, took a deep breath, and turned abruptly toward the direction of the engawa.
"Don't you think you're being a bit too irrational?" Musei no Koe just had to press my buttons.
"What's irrational about It? Yes it was weird, but it isn't like she tried to actually do anything. She just has a weird as shit way of expressing herself apparently." I replied with strained effort of restraining my frustration.
"As you see fit," she began as I passed the threshold and into the garden viewing room that lead to the engawa.
As soon as I entered the room, an unfamiliar voice caught me by surprise; my surprise only beckoning more curiosity when a giggle from the unfamiliar reached my ears.
"You Shinigami think you know everything," she spoke as I continued. As soon as I placed my hand on the shouji handle, her parting words had me halt. "However, it isn't until the situation is threatening to you, that you lot actually learn."
I shook my head, and opened the door as calmly as possible.
Both heads turned from their seated position to look up at me; the first of course the white-haired male I loved, and the second of a beautiful, yet simplistic brunette I'd set my eyes on only once before.
"Ah, Kiteyama-san!" she rose immediately; Toushirou in tow.
"Kiteyama, this is Hinamori Momo, Fukutaichou of Squad 5," Toushirou introduced—she bowed her head in quick formality as he continued. "She didn't get a chance to meet you at the meeting earlier, and wanted to formally introduce herself." He concluded.
"O-Oh," I looked at her and approached. "That's very kind of you, Hinamori-Fukutaichou—it's a pleasure to meet you," I bowed in respect. "Feel free to call me Akinoyo."
"No, no, the pleasure's mine to meet you! I just wish I'd have come sooner—now knowing the situation in its entirety, I feel terrible I haven't once extended a hand to aid you," she sheepishly admitted.
"No worries at all; I've been well taken care of by Hitsugaya-Taichou and Matsumoto-Fukutaichou. I do appreciate your kindness however, if there's anything I can do for you once this is all over, please don't hesitate to let me know." I did my best to smile.
"That's good to hear! Shirou-chan—I mean Hitsugaya-Taichou—has always extended a hand to help others as best he can. You've got the best man on the job!" she giggled.
Shirou-chan?
My eyes flickered to Toushirou whose expression wasn't slight embarrassment or frustration as I thought it'd be. It was more like…
"Absolutely! He and Matsumoto-Fukutaichou are the best after all!" I added extra gusto to my response to hopefully get a better rise out of him. I couldn't really tell too much out of my periphery unfortunately—it was going to have to wait until she left for debate.
"I like your spirit, Akinoyo-san—it's such a good thing to keep your spirits up during times like these," she commented at my almost brash reply—I accepted the slight embarrassment.
"Thanks—I do my best,"
I couldn't help the quick flicker to Toushirou—if it wasn't for him, I more than likely wouldn't be trying at all.
"All right, I should get going—thanks for taking a quick moment to meet me! I'll see the two of you around hopefully more often," she smiled softly up at Toushirou.
"Sounds great," I replied, even though I felt like the comment was for him and my inclusion was just for formality's sake.
"Take care please, Hinamori," he replied, meeting her gaze.
"Hai, hai," she turned to me and quickly bowed. "Take care,"
She quickly vanished in a flash step, and I just stared at the spot she previously occupied.
She seemed nice enough, but for some reason I…
I looked at Toushirou, who already looked directly at me. That look in his eyes solidified my feelings.
She was someone of importance to him.
Hurt?
"How did it go with Nankai?" he asked upon his approach.
I had to mentally shake myself so I could answer. "Uh, fine," I answered.
A questioning look on his almost stoic face had me regret my tone. "You're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure." Convincing people—let alone him—these days was quite the feat. Such poppycock.
He'd stopped in front of me, and before he could reply, I stepped into his space and took part of his collar between my fingers—smoothing out the imaginary creases I'd pretended were there to break the center focal point on me.
"Are you okay?" I questioned, as I continued fiddling with the haori.
"Why do you ask?" he returned my question with his own.
"You seem…like something's on your mind," I finished straightening his clothing and looked up at him. "I'm here to listen, if you'll have me," I tried to smile, but ended up breaking eye contact completely upon realizing just how disgustingly sappy I was being. Did I think I was smooth or something? Kami.
"What's this?" he took hold of my cheek and turned my blushing face back to him. He didn't look at me, but rather at the top of my head, promptly taking hold of the wooden hairpiece lodged and partially visible at the back of my head. It seemed he'd seen through my tactic, and decided to mimic my attempt at diverting the conversation away from him.
"Who is this new, soft-spoken, gentle beauty?" he questioned as he straightened my hairpiece.
I moved my way out of his grasp and crossed my arms—a heavy blush of embarrassment that ended up resulting in an unwanted pout.
"Fine. Take 2: What's causing disarray in that thing occupying your skull? Sure as Hell looks like you're perturbed by something or other, and as a woman of equivalent exchange I can't just let that facial expression of yours slide. Take it or leave it, Romeo—you wanna tell me or not?"
"There she is," he teased.
"Yeah, yeah, that's the last time I'll ever try to be genuine toward you—you've squandered your inheritance."
A low hum came from him as he took hold of me to pull me back into him. I let him pull me forward, but I by no means made eye-contact or loosened my frigid position.
"That's a bit unfair," he pulled me within his arms—slipping against my hips to almost meet at the small of my back.
I ignored the urge to melt into him—my embarrassment at my gushy action still in full effect. "Too bad, so sad. Better luck next time, kid."
"Oi," he leaned down to my neck—maybe I struck a nerve with the kid comment?
"And what if I like that part of Kiteyama Akinoyo?" he brushed his lips to my neck as his revenge—the shiver that wracked down my spine noticed, and reveled upon of course.
"W-Well, ya win some, ya lose some."
"And if I hate to lose?"
I shrugged. "You should have played your cards more wisely."
"What if I have something up my sleeve? More specifically," his left arm snuck around me so his hand took hold of my hip, while his other hand took my chin as he withdrew from my neck to look at me. "What if I have an Ace up my sleeve?"
Oh no he did—
The damn smile I couldn't help completely trumped the embarrassing pout I was in, and as the corners of my lips turned, his own joined in a smirk. I couldn't even look him in the face—the laughter I tried to stifle snuck through in the form of a scoff.
"I hope you're proud of yourself,"
He leaned down into me, and before his lips met mine, declared his victory. "Whatever it takes," he stole my lips—even though he knew it was gratuitous—as his reward.
Maybe it was a thrill for him to see me frazzled—I couldn't say that part of me didn't think it was sort-of sweet in the sense that he enjoyed seeing me in a different light. Didn't mean it wasn't embarrassing though. If the end result was what was happening right now, however—I guess I could get used to it.
A quick nibble on my lower lip succeeded to tease me like he wanted, and had my posture lax as intended. I reached to his haori to grab a firm hold on him before retaliating back; slipping my tongue in for a surprise attack—his smile at my action only making me smirk in accomplishment. After a few more moments, the craving began within me, and I could tell with the way his fingers pressed into my hip that the same went for him. If he continued this—dear Kami.
He already knew this however—pulling back from the kiss and planting a few quick pecks to help wean us off the craving rather than cutting it off cold turkey—speaking of which, I was gonna need a smoke after this.
"Thank you for your concern—it means a lot," he told me as his hands took hold of my shoulders.
"You may not think so," I began as I loosed my grip on him and trailed down to his hips. "But, you mean a lot to me, and all I want to do is focus on you and that fact rather than anything else." I opened my eyes to look at him, and pulled myself back so he could see the seriousness in my face. "You've put in a lot of time making me feel like I'm actually worth something—I want to make sure you feel the same way about yourself. I'd do anything and everything to make that happen. All jokes aside, you mean the world to me, Toushirou—whatever I can do to make you happy, makes me happy." I paused, breaking eye contact due to the heat on my face. "Even if it means letting you get away with teasing me—I guess."
He pulled me into an embrace, and I took a deep breath—his scent helping me relax as it always did, and implying that safety I took such solace in.
"You never cease to amaze me, Akinoyo," he squeezed. "How I was able to meet a person like you is still unbelievable."
"Right back at ya," I nuzzled into him.
"I'll tell you about Hinamori when we have more time, and things are less stressful. For now, let's just bypass it and get something to eat—I have some important documents to attend to this afternoon." He pulled back and looked at me.
I couldn't say I wasn't slightly disappointed that he wasn't going to delve into it right now, but at the same time, I knew that it wasn't going to be a quick conversation. He had his responsibilities to tend to—personal matters would have to wait unfortunately.
I changed my facial expression quickly and nodded. "Okay, I understand."
After his eyes searched mine for a moment, he went in for a quick kiss. "Thank you—I'll lock everything, and then we'll go," he said after pulling back.
"Take your time—I want to get a smoke in before we go if you don't mind." I withdrew myself from him.
"Okay, take your time," he told me before turning to go back inside.
I sat down at the edge of the engawa and took out my instruments of self-harm to prep them for that first drag I desperately needed.
With what happened between him and I just now, and how I felt when Hinamori-Fukutaichou was here—I had to tell him about Miyuki. Musei no Koe was right—the way I handled it was completely ignorant and lazy. My thoughts drifted back to trying to convince myself, but each time I did, I remembered the way she just looked at him, and caused that reaction. This was that stupid emotion again coming back to bite me right in the ass.
I took my first drag, savoring the bitter taste I'd grown accustomed to in order to promote clear-headed thinking. I exhaled, took another deep breath, and cracked my neck.
I was more concerned about the back story that caused his reaction, but the damn thought in the back of my mind of her being a threat was pissing me off—it was just outright sad.
Nevertheless, I was glad I was able to penetrate that defense of his at least a little bit. Rangiku's words had been circling around in my head, and I had started to not believe that I had indeed caused change in him, but after this—she was right. Clearly this was prove Akinoyo wrong day.
Curiosity had a pretty decent grip on me that I couldn't deny; she looked so sweet and innocent—what could she have possibly done to cause any sort of reaction out of him? Just who was this woman?
"That's the next thing I'm going to help you tackle," Toushirou said upon his silent approach.
I damn near jumped.
"W-What?" I asked.
"Tobacco."
What was I thinking?
"Yeah, yeah, I guess." I waved him off along with my rambling uncomfortable thoughts.
As much as I always wanted to be near him, I seriously needed some alone time to think all this through. Aside from the events that happened within this last hour, I had earlier today, yesterday, the damn day before—I felt like I was just constantly stuck in a mental overload.
As I looked at him as he stared off into the winter-gripped garden ahead of us, I knew that I wouldn't get any form of a chance any time soon.
I was in this for he longer haul now—no chances of mental rest in sight.