Chapter 11) Wooden Cavalry

Diana POV

With Archanea firmly secured, our army marches at last, for 'Altea', with the first stop being Gra. You can tell the Alteans in the group have mixed feelings. Prince Marth talks often with Nyna and Hardin, and many Alteans withdraw from social situations to train even harder.

However, there's one more 'roadblock', so to speak. Grust set up a bunch of ballistae on the border, hoping to stop our movements. It's like they forgot ballistae had a crippling weakness: get in close, and they're useless.

I wonder where Astram is. With Archanea free, he really should be here with us. He didn't die, right?

"You are literally like a mother hen!" Midia laughed as I checked the urge to go check on Nyna for the upteenth time. "Relax. She's perfectly fine with Horace as her guard."

"Logically, I know this," I grumbled. It was almost annoying how I kept having to firm my resolve. If there was a battle, I would be the infirmary guard, but today, I was 'taking a break' and Horace was Nyna's guard on the road. "Emotionally, I keep panicking."

"I'm sure she's the same." Midia patted my shoulder, giving me a sympathetic smile. "I'm here to stop you, though."

"Thank you." That was the whole reason I was walking with her, actually. I'd told her how much trouble Nyna and I were having, and she happily volunteered to help me. "I'm sorry to be such trouble."

"It's no trouble." She glanced around and tugged her horse a little closer, almost like a wall. We were walking near the back of the group, meaning we had a lot of privacy. "Besides, this means I can ask you about Jeorge~!" And privacy meant teasing. I knew her that well, at least.

"There's nothing to ask about." I sighed, unable to help it. I knew it was going to come up. "Nothing at all."

"Really?" Midia glanced up at the sky, like the clouds had all the answers. "Huh. I thought-"

"He's just being flirtatious, and maybe a little fast."

"Is he?" She returned her attention to me. "You've known each other for a while, right?"

"Technically, by the calendar, six years, but two of those years shouldn't count considering everything." But I did meet Jeorge when I was thirteen, and even if it was a distant acquaintance, through Charles, I still had known him for a long while. "He still wears the same stupid scarf."

"That he does. He refuses to explain where he got it. Different story every time." She shook her head, scowling, and I laughed, unable to help it. "But seriously, is he going too fast? Too slow? Do I need to remind him on proper manners on your behalf?"

"I… have no idea." I closed my eyes, trying to think things through, and ended up tripping on a rock of all things. "Whoa!"

"Eyes forward, silly!" Midia caught me before I could fall, and then laughed at something. "Gods, you're tiny."

"I'm sorry for being short!" I sulked up at her, unable to help it. "It's like I spent all my energy being angry. I should've saved some for growing."

"Nah, it makes you adorable."

"I'm a mercenary!" I huffed, looking away. "Mercenaries do not need to be cute."

"But you can be, and you show that people can be cute while murdering people." Midia grinned and I laughed, approving of the morbidity. "But we're off topic. Jeorge?"

"You're like a terrier!" I grumbled a few more curses under my breath before relenting. "It's not just the speed. Too fast… too slow… hell if I know anything like that. Mercenaries moved fast because our lives were short. Nobles… well, if you had a courting phase, you were lucky. Most of the time..."

"Arranged marriages. I'm lucky in that regard." Midia gave me a sympathetic look. "So, not the pace. Something else?"

"Yeah…" I struggled to try and put it into words. "I feel like… like he's just sorta…" I started motioning with my hands, as if they could pick up the words for me. "Part of me thinks he's just going by what society says is romantic? Instead of what I would find romantic?" I shrugged. "I don't know." It wasn't as if I didn't appreciate the attention. I wouldn't have this conflict if I didn't. But instead of flirting and bantering, which was fun, I wanted more things like… like the time we sat under the stars, drinking tea. "Should I say something to him?"

"Oh, yes." Her hand fell on my shoulder and she smiled kindly at me. "It's important to set up your boundaries. No one has a right to take them from you. Any who try is a piece of shit who deserves a lance straight up their ass."

"…You've picked up some of Astram's speaking habits."

"To my family's grief, but I don't care. I'm me. I pick my path. I always have." She shrugged, but kept the smile. "You do what you need to, Diana. You're also trying to think and heal from the past two years, right? No matter what, it's going to be messy. So just jump head first into the mess, and remember you have people ready to help you through it."

"With a towel and a bath, I hope." I had to joke, mostly because she was so right the only option was likely to scream or groan.

"Of course." Her light laugh told me she recognized what I was going through. I wished I'd hung out with her more over the years. I might've had less problems, but then again, a huge problem was refusing to get close to people. Scared of being betrayed again, used again, by people I loved. As a mercenary, I was constantly used and betrayed by employers, only reinforcing that belief. 'Get close, and be betrayed.' 'Get close, and be used.' 'Just run from it all and keep your distance.' Really, the worst thing I'd ever done was become a mercenary. Maybe that was why Dad had protested so much when I wanted to join up.

Shouts ahead drew both of our attention, and we glanced at each other and shrugged, already knowing what was to come. Battles waited for no one, and we were at war. Battles were becoming common, and would be more common the longer we went. It was sad how used to fighting all of us were.

I hoped… I wouldn't have to fight as much… when this war was over. I hated it.

Ballistae sucked. I hated dealing with them. I was glad to be on infirmary guard duty with Horace. Even if it did mean being among the last to hear of sudden recruitments.

"So, the word is that we have two ballistician experts now?" I asked Horace, wiping some sweat off my face. "Jake and this new fellow? Beck?"

"That's what the injured are reporting, at least," Horace explained. He passed me a handkerchief, of all things, and smiled slightly when I gave him an incredulous look. "I got a care package from my people and it included a bunch of handkerchiefs. I think I could give everyone in the army one, and still have extra."

"That makes me feel bad staining it."

"The letters with them included 'they better be used or else'. Apparently, they sent them along for both the normal use, and to help in the infirmary." His smile grew. "So, please."

"Well, considering my hands, it's a little late." I laughed, though, and did use it to properly clean my face. I grimaced at the amount of muck that was on it. "Ugh, I'm a mess."

"I know of no one who can fight a battle and come out looking like they're about to go to a ball, Dame Diana."

"That doesn't mean I can't complain!" I longingly remembered the ball we had. It had been so much fun helping Nyna, Princess Caeda, and Kris get ready for it. I wanted to do it again. "What's wrong with wanting to look pretty while you're eviscerating people?"

"Perhaps that you have the energy to even worry about that?"

"I'm good at murder and fashion, and there is no reason I can't…" I trailed off as I noticed another wave of wounded coming, with enemies hot on their heels. "Well, shit."

We went back to fighting, Horace's handkerchief disappearing somewhere in the mess. Horace focused more on the defense, due to having heavier armor and a giant shield. I focused more on the offense, taking advantage of how I was just a lot faster than most. I wasn't the strongest, and my ability to defend myself other than dodging could be atrocious. These battles certainly highlighted those flaws. But I was fast and skilled, and I could make up for my flaws with those advantages. That was enough, especially when I wasn't on the field. I was just keeping people from killing the injured and giving our wounded a chance to survive.

I thought that suited me a lot more. Protecting. It gave me a good feeling while fighting, instead of the apathetic grimness I normally associated with a battle.

"Dame Diana?" Horace called at some point, shortly after we got the last of this wave inside the infirmary tent. I shook the blood out of my hair and turned towards him, curious. "I believe… we might have an unusual problem?"

"Do we?" I asked. I looked around, wondering if some ballistae had rolled up without us knowing. Instead, though, I found someone who looked a lot like Astram amidst some enemies slowly coming our way. "...Might need to get Midia. Think she's stationed not far away..."

"I'll have her here shortly." Horace took off, as fast as he could in the armor. I debated calling him back, to point out that I was faster, but that wasn't the point. There was no way in hell Astram would hesitate to fight Horace. But… he might with me.

I caught Astram's eye, and watched him freeze briefly before pointedly turning away to be shouted at by one of the enemy soldiers. As that happened, I moved subtly towards the infirmary tent, wondering what he'd would do. He was a mercenary, but he'd always also been a loyal hothead. If he thought Midia or Nyna were in any danger, he'd fight with them. He fought for people, not for countries. My presence might make him pause, but that was it. I was not one of the people he fought for. Charles might've been, but I was not.

Thankfully, though, I didn't have to try and figure out how to best weaponize that. Maybe it was the power of love or something, but Midia was riding up before long, and she didn't even wait to come to a full stop before dismounting and running towards him. "Hello, my love!" she greeted, beaming. Astram instantly stiffened and turned, looking so confused and lost. "What? Have you forgotten my voice?"

"Midia?" Astram breathed. He smiled back, and looked ready to cry. "Midia, my sweet! Is that you?" He ran over, pushing past the stunned enemy soldiers, and hugged her tightly. I had to fight to keep from laughing. "I feared you were dead…"

"No, I'm very much alive." She hugged him back, laughing. "But what are you doing? Have you not heard? Archanea is liberated! You needn't dance to Dolhr's fiddle any longer."

"I've a mind to break their fiddle." Astram sighed and pulled away slightly to caress her cheek. "I'm sorry. I left you alone. I won't make that mistake again."

"Nope!" Midia giggled. "Now that I have you back, you'll find that I'm exceedingly reluctant to let you go."

"Is that so?" Astram laughed. "Careful that you don't crush me instead of Dolhr!"

"You're dodging the issue." Midia pouted. "I want something different from an apology, and you know it."

"Well…"

"You two are in the middle of a battle!" I 'gently' reminded the two of them. At the top of my lungs. So that everyone could hear. "Be sickeningly sweet later! Kill enemies now!"

The two yelped and blushed. Midia then huffed at me, while Astram stared. I waved, and pointed to the enemies for emphasis before turning to cut down someone who thought I was distracted enough to be an easy target. I knew they'd jump into battle again before long. After all, fighting and sparring was one of the many ways they flirted.

In the meantime, I just had to avoid drowning in blood and fluff. Not that hard, all things considered.

The battle wrapped up fairly quickly after Astram's recruitment. After that, Nyna and Marth sat down for food and talking. After some debating, I decided to leave it to just the two of them, and instead, went about doing some chores. Like laundry. Whoever was doing laundry for the army was doing it pitifully.

"There, that looks much better!" I commented, bringing some clothes out of where I'd left them to soak. "Not a trace of blood~" I giggled and set them up to hang. By this point, I was almost done, and so, I was standing in a veritable forest of drying clothes. My shoulders and back ached from bending over so much, and my hands were dried out, but I thought it was worth seeing the clothes properly clean. "Now everyone will look like proper soldiers when marching on Gra!"

"Oh, there is a person among the flapping clothes." The voice made me squeak and I nearly fell into one of my washing tubs. Jeorge, however, caught me. "How did I sneak up on you?" he asked, helping me steady myself. "I wasn't trying."

"Well, perhaps the shiny clothes caught my attention more," I huffed, annoyed. He laughed, and I rolled my eyes. Then I glowered as I noticed something that just irritated me. "Which reminds me. Give me your scarf."

"No, you can't have my scarf."

"I'm not going to steal it or anything, much as I would love to." I held my hand out. "I want to wash it."

"I normally do that."

"Yes, and you're relying on how it's red to hide the scarlet patches, but I can see it, and it bothers me." I reached up to snag one end, and tugged. "Come on. I'm in full cleaning mode. Either avoid me for a day or give it up."

"Both don't sound fun." He sighed heavily, and slowly, almost like he was making a show of his reluctance, unwound the scarf and let me take it to soak. "Why are you doing laundry?"

"Because Nyna's chatting with Prince Marth, and I got tired of how grey everyone's clothes were looking. Not to mention the small dark patches where whoever did laundry wasn't actually getting blood out."

"Soldiers on chores."

"No wonder." I dunked the scarf in some water and sat on the edge of the tub, looking up at him. "Shouldn't take too long, with my secret method."

"Secret method?" He looked amused. "This isn't going to turn it white, is it?"

"Do the other clothes look white?" I gestured for emphasis, smiling. "Ah, everyone's going to look very dashing for the next battle. That'll be good."

"Will it?"

"Yes, as a morale booster for us, and a morale dampener for Gra." I nudged his leg, smiling. "People feel more confident when they look nice."

"Oh, is that why I'm confident all the time?" He grinned and I laughed. "I never would've thought."

"Yes, of course, vain bird that you are." I rolled my eyes, still laughing, but the sound died as I thought of what I'd told Midia earlier. I did like this. I liked this bantering. But, at the same time, it was just… it was fun, but it was not 'courting'. It was fun, but sometimes, I wondered if I was a substitute. If I was just… something of the old that he wanted to cling to, because everything was so different now. "Jeorge?"

"Yes?" He smiled, but it faltered when he saw how hesitant I was. "What is it?"

"W-well…" I hopped to my feet and took his scarf from the water, checking it for stains. Satisfied that the blood was out enough, I hung it with the others, fussing a bit. I didn't want to say anything. I wanted to run. But I couldn't run anymore. For my own sake. "I wanted… to say something."

"About?"

"I… guess us?" My voice sounded small, and I briefly glanced at him. He looked startled. "Or… whatever this is."

"I-"

"No. Hold it. I need to say this." I sighed and turned to face him. "Yes, I've noticed the flirting. Hell, I even find it fun, though sometimes… I wonder if you're flirting with me or something else and I'm the substitute. I've known you for years, yes, but…" I shook my head when he began to speak again. "No, let me finish. Please." I waited and he nodded slowly, eyes deadly serious. I took a deep breath before gathering my courage. "But you've never showed interest until after everything went to hell. Maybe I was just stupid and didn't notice before. Maybe you held back because of Charles. I don't know."

"Diana…" He reached out to touch me, but let his hand fall when I shook my head. "I…"

"But, basically, Jeorge, what I need to know, really need to know, before I even try to figure out what I feel for you is…" My voice caught and I coughed to clear it. "I need to know if you're playing, if you're serious, or if you just think you're being serious." I paused, mostly to try and calm my thudding heart. Jeorge's expression blanked, like he'd never even considered the options. "No, I don't want an opinion right now. I want…" My voice cracked, and this time, I realized why. I was on the edge of tears. Of all things, this was what was going to tip me into tears. I hated how pathetic I was. I could face death in the face many times over, and yet, I cried over a stupid boy. Ridiculous. "I want you to think, really think, and give me an answer. Later. Not now." I ducked my head, and with a grunt, picked up the tub. "I'm going to dump this. Your scarf will be done drying in the morning. Please don't follow me."

There was no reply, but I felt his eyes on me as I walked off, the tub banging against my knees until they felt bruised and swollen. A quick glance down, through slowly blurring vision, showed my knees were actually bleeding. It didn't help with the sudden burst of self-pity. Not one bit.

"Why did you not get help?" Someone took the tub from me, water sloshing over the sides, and I jerked my head up to yell at whoever it was. The words dried up, though, when I saw it was Astram. "H-hey, you okay?" he asked, looking a little frantic. He set the tub to the side and awkwardly used his sleeve to dab at my face. I realized then that I was actually crying. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I just… um…"

"Not your fault," I mumbled. I batted his hand away to wipe at my own eyes. "I'm just being stupid. I sorta yelled at Jeorge."

"Oh. Huh." He fidgeted, glancing to the side. "Do I… uh… need to talk with him?"

"No, no, I said everything I needed." I paused, though, reconsidering. "I mean; he's your friend, so you might need to talk… but not for me or… um…"

"Basically, Jeorge's friend, not 'Charles isn't here' friend." He breathed a little sigh of relief and I managed a watery chuckle. "Maybe if you need that, we'll have Midia handle it."

"S-Sounds good." The tears kept coming, though. "Ah, damn it. Why am I stupid?"

"Because you're relearning how to be silly and vulnerable? I don't have a clue. I just got here." He shrugged, but sighed, and tugged me in a one-armed hug so that I could cry on his chest. "We met because of something like this, right?"

"...You're right." I'd almost forgotten. I'd gotten lost in the palace while trying to bring Charles some food, and had been caught up in a horrible fear of being alone again. Astram had found me. "You were even more awkward back then."

"I was. But, then again, random girl crying in the middle of the hall is infinitely more awkward." He patted my back. "Well, for now, you just cry. And if it makes you feel better, I think you might be crying for more than this one little thing that you think you're crying about."

"Not sure if that helps." But it did make me laugh a bit more before I just started crying. "This is stupid."

"Emotions are stupid. That's why you get folks like Navarre who kill theirs, or Ogma, who repress them. If I didn't have Archanea and my friends, I'd be the same."

"Was I?"

"I think you were on your way. But I'm glad you're not." He tightened his hug on me. "Charles… he wanted you to live. He wanted you to live so badly."

"That's why he h-hid the poison, right?" It was also why he'd made me make that promise. He hadn't just wanted me to 'live'.

"Yeah." What Charles had wanted was for me to heal. For me to move forward. "He was a good friend and brother."

"I miss him so much. I miss him and everyone so damn much." And I let myself cry for all of them. I wasn't sure if I ever had. Cried for them. Maybe I had. Maybe I hadn't.

But this cry felt like I was finally letting go of a weight chaining me down. So, maybe it was a good thing the thing with Jeorge sparked my tears. With luck, I could stand a little straighter when I was done being silly.

Astram just held me while I cried, even though I knew he'd rather be cuddling with Midia. I owed them both. I owed them both a lot.

Notes on Radd:

A young mercenary who was employed by Port Warren. Started traveling with us, though, after we were ambushed.

New to the job, he's still rather experienced, but has great potential. If he trains, he'll be among our strongest. Maybe.

Very close to his partner, and I've caught enough gossip to know that either he's courting Caesar, or a relative of Caesar. Fine either way.

Notes on Caesar:

A mercenary employed by Port Warren, who travels with us now because we pay more.

Though more experienced than Radd, he still has room to grow. That said, he has a great amount of strength and speed, so if he trains, he'll be fine.

Focused on money, and carefully counts it out, making me think he's saving to purchase something. Medicine would be my guess.

Notes on Roger:

A knight of Grust who was recruited by Caeda flirting. He doesn't seem to have noticed yet.

As typical of those who wear heavy armor, he's slow, but strong, capable of taking a lot of hits. He serves on the frontlines besides Draug and does very well for himself.

Considering he was tricked by Caeda, he's an oddly lucky fellow. If Caeda hadn't singled him out, for instance, he'd be dead.

Author's note: You know, I think this is the first Diana chapter where Nyna doesn't actually show up at all. Mentioned, of course, but doesn't show. Roger has an 80% luck growth, ftr. Yeah.

Diana's 'secret method' for riding bloodstains in so short of a time? Fictitious, unless a someone wants to share a way. Most methods I know of require chemicals, or extensive soaking and friction. But you'll want to keep it in cold water, though. The heat of warm water can help a stain set.

Next Chapter - Land of Sorrow