A/N: The third chapter is in and I definitely enjoyed writing this. Big thanks and a big hug to my beta reader, Kerstin who saved me from drowning in the abyss of grammatical errors.
Disclaimer: Same thing goes. I do not own any of the familiar characters, only the little red-haired girl, Christie.
Derek's eyes widened in shock and his jaw literally dropped to the floor. He didn't know what to say. His heart pounded so hard that he heard his own blood loudly pulsating in his ears while his hands became clammy; something was churning in his stomach and he couldn't move. It was as if he'd been injected with some kind of a drug that immobilized his whole body without affecting his emotions. He certainly did feel. To his misfortune, though, he didn't know how he felt because he was overcome by different emotions in that moment of truth. Among them was shock for having to find out for the first time that he had a daughter. There was joy; because he had met his daughter and that she is his and Addison's and also anger; because she was hidden from him for almost five years. Above all he felt regret; because he missed the first year of his daughter's life, he wasn't there to hear the first heart beat, to feel the first kick, to witness and welcome her in the world, to see her first smile, to hear her first words and all the other firsts that he missed; but most of all, he wasn't there for Addison. He searched for Addison's eyes for answers to questions that silently posed, but she looked down at her feet.
Christie then added, "Mommy, told me we are going to see my real daddy here, but we haven't met him yet. I'm excited to see him. I hope he'll like me, I've been very well behaved since we left L.A. Right mommy?"
Addison nodded, kissing her little girl's cheek. "You've been great baby." She then felt tears burning in her eyes with her daughter's words. She didn't expect her daughter to be this open, to be so understanding and resilient. She's young, but she knew that Christie understood.
She tried to brush away the tears and faced Derek, "I'm so sorry, Derek. I didn't tell you."
And she truly was. She was sorry for every moment that she took away from him, every memory she withheld . But she did so, believing that she was doing the right thing.
Derek clenched his fist, trying to suppress the anger that was boiling inside him. "I'm not going to discuss this with you in front of Christie but I want her to know…"
Addison nodded, "Baby, I have to tell you something…" she started and positioned Christie so that she was facing her. "Remember when I told you that we'll meet daddy here?"
Christie just nodded.
Addison tucked the red locks that were covering Christie's face. "Well you see, we're actually looking at him" Addison glanced at Derek who was waiting patiently. "Derek Shepherd is your real daddy."
Christie looked at Derek immediately who was smiling softly at her. She went down from Addison's lap and stood in front of Derek. Derek knelt down in front of her and gathered her in his arms.
Derek felt tears forming at the bottom of his eyes. He couldn't believe he had a daughter. A daughter that he and Addison had made. When he held her in his arms, it felt like the missing part of him that he'd been looking for had been slowly filled by this beautiful little creature. He felt like he was home once again after being gone for a long time. It confused him and made him wonder how it was possible for him to feel so much love for this little girl whom he had met only moments ago. After a few more minutes, he let go of Christie. "I'm your daddy" he muttered softly.
The little girl grinned widely. "So does that mean I can call you 'daddy' anytime I want?
He stood up taking Christie with him. "Yes baby, you can call me 'daddy' anytime and every time you want." He answered running his thumb on the little girl's soft cheeks.
Addison felt a tug in her heart with the sight of Derek and Christie, she'd imagined this for so long, she played it in her head over and over again and now it is finally happening. As much as she didn't want to interrupt the father and daughter moment, she had to tell Derek her purpose of being here.
"Derek, I need to talk to you about Christie" she stated.
"I know, Addie. I have so many things to ask and say myself; but I don't want to talk about it right now, in front of her." Derek replied. "How about I drop by later at your place, that way, we can talk after she falls asleep?"
"Yeah sure, it's the same hotel where I normally stay in. Room 542." She smiled at him.
He just nodded and returned his attention to Christie. "So what do you want me to bring you later because I will visit you in your hotel, do you want that?"
Christie's eyes lit up her finger on her cheek and trying to think. "Ummm, how bout some ice cream?"
Derek chuckled softly, "Your wish is granted, my princess." Then his beeper went off. "I have an emergency surgery, I'll see you later." He told Addison, putting down Christie.
"Okay" Addison agreed.
After one last hug from Christie, Derek went swiftly out of the room.
The day went by pretty fast for the mother and daughter, Addison showed her around the city and just practically spent time with her daughter. After both declared that they're tired they went back to their hotel. She didn't really want to go out to eat, so Addison just ordered room service.
While she was just getting Christie ready for bed, Addison heard a knock on the door. She knew it was Derek. She opened the door and led him in. "Good evening" he greeted.
"I was just tucking Christie in for bed, do you want to see her?"
Before Derek could even reply, Christie who had heard her father's voice got out of bed. Barefoot and in her pjs, Christie came running up to Derek shouting "Daddy!" at the top of her voice. Derek immediately picked her up; it felt so good hearing the word coming from his daughter, he never imagined this would ever happen. After his broken marriage and a failed relationship with Meredith, he never really thought about having kids anymore. He thought, it was one of those bygone dreams that would never turn into reality. Not until Addison came back and announced they had a daughter together.
"Where's my ice cream, daddy? I thought you were going to bring me some." Christie asked cupping his father's face with her small hands.
"I have it with me, but I think it's already too late for some ice cream, how about we just put this in the fridge and then tomorrow you can it eat?" he replied, his full attention focused on the little girl.
Christie frowned a little bit before saying agreeing. "But you will tuck me in, right?"
"Of course I will, and I think it's already past your bedtime so we better get you in your bed now," he replied sweetly.
Addison who was just looking at them, felt joy swell up inside of her. At the same time guilt washed over her for depriving her daughter of her father's love for so long. She had always known that Derek would someday be a wonderful father; he had always been kind, gentle and had always something to give from within him. She didn't hide Christie from him because she doubted his ability as a father but because she knew that he was happy with Meredith. She had no right to ruin that. She had hurt him once, when she made a stupid mistake that she will forever regret, she can't take away that happiness he had with Meredith. But now that she was given no choice with this unfair fate that she had to endure, whose future at stake wasn't only hers but Christie's, she had to do what was necessary.
She then directed Derek to where Christie was sleeping. She allowed them to be on their own. She didn't want to intrude.
After a few minutes, Derek walk in to the suites living room "She's asleep." He stated, trying to get Addison's attention who was sitting on the couch reading a book.
"Thank you for tucking her in." Silence surrounded both of them, neither didn't know how to start the conversation.
The tension was so heavy that you could cut a knife through it. After a few moments had passed, Derek finally asked, "Why did you keep her from me?"
Addison who had been acting as calm as possible had to clear her throat first to steady her voice. "When I transferred to California, I didn't know I was pregnant. Two weeks after I arrived, I found out I was already 11 weeks along. I didn't want to make you feel trapped Derek."
Derek sat on a chair across her and looked intensely at Addison, almost as if he might be able to suck out all the answers to his questions right out off her.
"What do you mean you didn't want me to feel trapped? Were you doubting that I wouldn't accept my responsibility?"
"No, not like that. I know how responsible you are, Derek. That's the reason why I didn't tell you. I knew you were finally happy with Meredith. I would have ruined it if I told you." Addison tried to explain as best as she could.
"Damn it! It wouldn't have ruined anything." He retorted.
"I'm so sorry, Derek. I really shouldn't have hidden her from you." Tears were now falling from Addison's eyes. She regretted what she did, but she felt at that time that hiding Christie was the best thing she could do.
Derek rubbed his neck, feeling the tension on it. "I missed 5 years of my daughter's life. I don't even know when her birthday is. I don't know what she weighed and how long she was when she was born. I didn't even know how she looked like when she was a baby. I missed all of those simple little things and I know I can never change that."
Addison just remained silent. She didn't know what to say.
"What are you going to do now, let me see her for the weekend and then you take her away again?" He spat at her.
She shook her head. "No, that wasn't what I was intending to do. In fact, I need you to…"
"I knew you had your other reasons why you came back here." He cut her off. "You didn't just come back here because you wanted Christie to meet me, didn't you?"
"No and yes, I had other reasons." She admitted.
"You are probably that desperate huh?" he sneered at her. "What is it? Money? You need money from me?" he asked, his voice full of anger but he was trying to control the volume of his voice.
"I don't know when I would have told you if this situation hadn't arisen. Maybe you're right, I wouldn't have told you." She admitted looking straight at him in the eyes. She didn't want to lie to him, because it was the truth. She didn't really know when the right timing was to tell him before the diagnosis. But maybe God did have plans for her, maybe this endeavor that she'll be undertaking would bring good things in their life, maybe not in hers, but in Christie's.
"So what is it, is your private practice not doing well which I find hard to believe?" he asked.
"No, it's nothing like that." She started "I need somebody who I know would love and take care of Christie unconditionally."
Derek furrowed his eyebrows, a little bit confused with what she's saying. "I don't understand. Are you leaving?"
She shook her head and looked him in the eyes. She knew that she would turn his world upside down once again with the words she was going to speak now. "I have breast cancer, Derek."
"What?" He asked again, not believing what he was hearing.
"I hope that Meredith doesn't mind if I leave Christie with you. It's still on the early stage, but I have to start chemo therapy as soon as possible. I don't want Christie to see me all weak and helpless. I couldn't leave her with anybody else. I want her to be in the best hands in case something happens to me. If I don't make it…" Her voice started cracking up, she couldn't continue to explain, all she did was cover her face with her hands and sob.
Derek stood up from where he was sitting and knelt beside Addison. He gathered her in his arms. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could it happen? When Addison transferred to L.A, he might have not admitted it, but she broke his heart so badly, she tore it into pieces that not even Meredith could put back together. It was the reason why his relationship with Meredith never worked out because she knew that there was no way that she'll be able to replace Addison in his heart and mind. He allowed her to cry in his arms and he allowed his tears to fall too. He'd rather see Addison happy with another man than know that she's no longer in this world at all.
"Addie, you're going to fight this. You have to fight for Christie." He tilted her chin up so that he could look at her eyes. He'd been waiting to hold Addison in his arms again but not under such circumstances.
"I'm going to fight as long as I can, but you have to promise me that if anything happens to me, you and Meredith will take care of Christie."
"Nothing's going to happen to you, you'll get through it." He cupped her tear-stained face. "She looked so beautiful" he thought to himself. He wanted to kiss her so badly but he didn't want to make things complicated as it is.
"I know. But you have to promise me, Derek." She had to hear him swear he'd take care of Christie. She had to have that assurance, that peace of mind.
Derek didn't want to promise, because that would sound and feel like they're both giving up on this battle, but Addison needed to hear it. "I promise." He hugged her even closer and tighter.
"Thank you so much, Derek." She allowed herself to taste this moment, to marvel and relish the feel of Derek's strong arms around her. She'd missed him so much. When she decided to move to California, her initial intention was to start a new life but it felt like she was ending it. In those eleven years of marriage, Derek had been her whole life, and living without him at first was more than she could bear. She thanked God for giving her Christie, because once again she found a reason to live. She thanked Him because it was Derek's baby because she knew that Christie is part of Derek that she can forever hold on to.
Derek lied back down on the couch bringing Addison with him. He didn't want to let her go; he wanted to sooth all the pain that she was feeling at the moment. He could feel that Addison didn't want to pull away either. So they laid there until he felt Addison's even breathing. She had fallen asleep.
Just then that he allowed himself to close his eyes and let slumber lull him to sleep.
I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter that I shared with you.