A/N: Big thanks to my beta reader Kerstin. She probably wrote like 2/3 of this chapter and I'm so thankful with her. Sorry for the late update, real world's just getting harder each day. But I do hope that you guys enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: No infringement intended. I don't own any of the characters.
After settling the sleeping Christie on the bed, Derek closed the bedroom door. He walked towards the decent sized hotel living room and sighed audibly. "Can we talk about it now?"
"Talk about what?"
Addison looked up at him slowly, her eyes betraying the confusion in her statement. She walked over to the couch and cleared it for Derek and herself, so that they could sit down.
"Addison," he pled with her.
Addison avoided his gaze and grabbed the portable phone instead to place their orders. She dialled quickly and looked up at him briefly to smile at him.
"Hi, I'd like to place a food order for Room 542. Rump steak with sautéed potatoes and..." Addison looked up at Derek who was still leaning against the door with his arms folded above his chest. He sighed in defeat, cleared his throat and nodded slowly before he began to make his way towards her.
"...Make that two steaks please. Thank you."
"There is this elephant in the room. It is massive and pink. It's got all these Christmas lights around its torso which are blinking and if it was able to talk it would hardly shut up."
Derek moved even further towards where she was sitting, when he saw her smile at him, he himself couldn't hide his emotions anymore. He knelt down on the carpet beside her and sandwiched her hands with both of his.
"Sounding a little gay there..." Addison began in an amused voice but was interrupted by Derek's soft calling of her name.
"Addie, please." He moved as close as his position on the floor would allow him. " You and I know that eventually we'd have to talk about what is happening to you. Sooner rather than later."
Addison looked up and into his eyes. What she saw now, what he made public to her and the whole world by the simplicity of his gaze, was more than she had hoped for when she had come to Seattle a couple of days ago. When she first arrived, she had simply tried to integrate him in his daughter's life that he had not even known existed until then. But now, she was taken aback by the strength and intensity of his eyes. She saw his fear of losing her, his regret of not meeting his daughter earlier and being a family with Addison and his love for her and her daughter. A love that may not be as intense and all-overpowering as it used to be years and years ago, but there is love that connects people who have spent a majority of their lives together and have been lovers for most it, that will never ever vanish.
"I know," she sighed and hung her head for a moment to gather her thoughts before looking him in the eyes again. Even after almost twenty years he still held power over her, he could still make her lose herself in him and his promising eyes. "I just wish I had more time to pretend that everything was fine. I know that I am sick and that I am going to go through hell. Believe me, there is not a moment that I am not aware of my diagnosis. But today when I was with you and Christie for the first time since I was told, I was not scared. So, all I really want is stretch this moment as wide as I can and hide inside."
When she was finished, Addison had tears in her eyes. Derek acted on instinct as he sat up quickly next to her on the couch and engulfed her in a tight hug. He rocked her gently and rubbed her back soothingly.
Addison let herself fall apart and mourn her fate for the first time since she had been presented with the diagnosis breast cancer. It may be a little surprising that it was in a hotel room in Seattle, but it was not at all that surprising that it was Derek who was holding her and promising the impossible in a calm voice and a many reassuring words.
"I just wish," Addison choked out between sobs, "that I could shield Christie from all this. That I could keep her from all this pain."
"Sssh, Addie. We'll get through this." Derek said confidently as he continued to rub her back. "We'll manage. Together, together, we'll do it."
"I wish I didn't have to leave her." Addison said leaning back a little to look at Derek.
"No, Addie. No one's going to leave anyone. You'll get through this.." Derek took her face in both of his hands and caressed her cheeks softly.
"No, I know." Addison leaned into his touch and moved a little closer to him. She liked feeling him so close and being able to breath him in. "It's not what I meant. I already told the reason why I came here, Derek, I want you to take care of her while I go through chemo. I don't want her to see me like that. She's so young. I don't want her to see that, to see me when I might..." Addison was interrupted by Derek's lips on hers.
For a second, Addison froze and was taken aback by Derek's actions. But it felt too good, so she allowed herself to drown in this sweet indulgence. The kiss was sensual and meaningful, a confirmation of everything that they had established between the two of them in the past. And when they broke apart, they felt the loss weigh on them; the loss of innocence.
Her eyes stung with warm tears. The moment was so surreal, that all she wanted was block away the harsh realities, that maybe she could pretend that everything was going to be perfect and normal but she knew deep inside her that it wasn't the case.
Cancer. It's not just a diagnosis, it's a free falling sword on a blind dancer.
Addison might be stumbling in the future, but she will not fall and she will not lose.
Derek rested her forehead on Addison's, looking through her eyes. He saw a myriad of emotions dancing around those bluish-green pair.
"You can't leave, Addie. Stay here." He spoke, a tint of fear evident in his voice.
Addison shook her head. "I can't. I have to. I already have a schedule for my chemo, and besides my oncology specialist is there."
"We have good doctors here." He retorted.
"I already have a trusted doctor there in L.A., Derek. She's the best in this field. I'm sure you know her." She replied.
Derek wove his hand through Addison's hair, helping her relax. Derek nodded. "But I want to take care of you too. I want to be there for you. I want to show you how much I love you, Addie."
Addison's eyes lit up with his admission and gave him a weak smile through her tears. "Don't worry about me, just take care of Christie. It will be enough."
Derek heaved out a heavy sigh. "Fine, I'm coming with you to California."
Addison pulled away from him, shocked with his impulsive decision. "You can't be serious."
"Oh yes I am."
"You can't do that. I'm not going to allow you to do that. Seattle is your home, Derek. You have your whole life and career here. You've finally attained the dream that you've been working hard for a long time. You're now the Chief."
"Yeah, a dream that blinded me from what was so much more important. A dream that made me lose what meant so much to me – us." Derek's voice was full with regret.
Addison's heart tugged with his word. "No, it wasn't only your fault. It was both of us, Derek.
"You see, at first, when I earned the position, I thought it was going to complete me. I thought that it will mean the whole world to me, but instead, I found myself leading this meaningless life. I realized that a dream fulfilled is useless without the love of your life to share it with."
Addison smiled but panic rose in her when she thought about the 'what ifs'. "But what if you don't like L.A? What if you feel that it's too warm for you, that it's too busy? Or what if you see me all weak and you realize that you're fed up with taking care of me? What if you wake up one morning and realize that you made the biggest mistake of your life or that you don't want to be stuck with me? What…"
Derek silenced her with quick kiss. He took both of Addison hands into his. "It's not going to happen because I've already lived my life without you, and it was hell. I'm going to be the most stupid person if I let that happen again."
Addison wound her arms around Derek and pulled him towards her for a passionate kiss. "Gosh, why are so darn stubborn?" She spoke against his lips.
"Hey, I'm not the only one who's stubborn you know." He said while running kisses along Addison's jaw.
"Yeah right, but you're more stubborn." Addison replied grinning widely.
"Really?" Derek lowered Addison on the couch not breaking contact with her skin. "I'll show you what a stubborn man can do." He replied playfully.
The night slowly wore off with only the sounds of lovers rekindling the passion which in truth, never really went away.
So, I know I'm not very comfortable with writing squee, but if you guys want some that can be arranged coz my beta-reader seems to okay with writing addek smut. So just holler me if you want some so I can ask her favour.