Their embrace in the center of the Hightown was a memory the Siri held close to her heart for a very long time. The simple affirmation of her affections, the sensation of knowing there was a port in the storm for her only increased the love and devotion she felt for her apostate. She laughed lightly, at least she wasn't deluding herself anymore when she thought that. Anders' chuckle at her ear sent goosebumps flowing over her arms. "What are you laughing about? My confession not dramatic enough for you?"
His teasing tone made her heart soar. "You've always been more than enough for me."
He stroked her cheek gently, fingers deftly sliding below her chin to tilt her face towards his own and sliding his lips along hers', keeping the contact simple just gentle touches leaving their bodies on a slow boil while giving their minds time to catch up. He was so lost in the taste and feel of her, his emotions were on such a high. He could vaguely feel Justice in the background doing his best to stick his head in the proverbial sand. He felt a pang of pity for the spirit knowing how overwhelming this had to be for him. He broke away from Hawke gently, stealing a kiss or two on the retreat. "Let's get you home, you're shivering."
"That, my dear, has very little to do with the temperature and a lot more to do with you."
As they resumed their walk Hawke spied a glance at his face. He seemed happy, more relaxed than he had been in a while and his face wasn't nearly as gaunt as the week previous when she had stopped the Templars from handing him to Meredith's care. Her grip subconsciously tightened on his hand, she had been so close to this never happening. Shaking her thoughts away from the unhappy path they had traveled down she turned back to Anders. Ah, the other issue they hadn't tackled, he was speaking with Justice. "Is. . . Is he alright?"
She felt Anders tense under her hold for a moment. They had reached her home and he paused in the doorway. "Why do you ask?"
Hawke's mental train jumped its tracks for a moment as she stepped further into the light the torch at her door provided. "He is a part of you. I. . . I don't want to cause you any kind of discomfort." Siri felt her confidence waver, she was usually pretty adept at reading him and right now she could read nothing from either his eyes, face, or body language. Perhaps bringing up Justice had been a bad idea?
Anders wrestled with the reactions that response caused, needless to say Justice was uncomfortable with the concept of being embarrassed. His irritation at the spirit being even brought up warred with the equally unbalancing flood of gratitude from Justice, the strong emotion tempered his ire. "I haven't been with anyone since we. . . It's easier for him to cope with emotions, those he understands, physical sensation is overwhelming for him. It is difficult to reconcile."
Siri gambled, he seemed upset that it had been brought up but he also responded by describing the spirits duress so she couldn't be too far off in thinking Justice was distinctly uncomfortable. They could approach the situation in two ways, either Justice could close himself off as much as possible which is what she assumed was currently happening and not working or, she could try and make both of them comfortable. It seemed whether Anders wanted to experience Justice's discomfort or not he would feel that way if the spirit did as well. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Anders really should not be surprised. How many times had she told random strangers the same thing? It's what she did. He was shocked to say the least, most women wouldn't of touched him with a nine foot pole and here was this tiny miraculous little thing that not only wanted to love him, she was willing to rip the bandages off and deal with Justice too? His grip tightened on her pulling her into his arms for the millionth time that night and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I do not deserve you."
"These feelings make me feel ungrounded. I will not be lost? I won't simply fly away?"
"No, Justice, you will not be lost. Don't concentrate only on how I feel, make sure you feel her as well how her skin slides against my fingers. How she feels against my lips, she will ground you."
His mouth descended on her again, nipping at her swollen bottom lip before mating their tongues again. His hands slid down her arms taking her hands in his own before holding one to his cheek and the other wrapped itself at the base of his neck, her fingers already splaying in his hair. She fell against him relishing the lines of his body against her own, he hadn't exactly answered her but she took smoochies as a good sign. She broke away from him shortly, gazing up at him with a question she already knew he could see swimming in her eyes. "Anders?"
The Mage lifted his face to the light, allowing Hawke to see the raw adoration he held. "He was worried that he would fly away."
Siri smiled, "I can understand the notion. Tell him not to worry I'll make sure neither of of you go anywhere." She reached up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips. "Besides, I've a vested interest in keeping him happy and you too. So shall we see if an awkward conversation with my mother shall be had or if they were tactful and are already sleeping?"
"Just so we are clear I am all for avoiding awkwardness." Anders mumbled while self consciously raking his hair back. He reached for his tie only to find an empty pocket. Glancing towards his rather charming companion who looked decidedly innocent.
"What?!" Siri chirped.
"You have my tie." Anders deadpanned.
"I do! How observant of you. If you want to absolute truth I have two of them this one and the one you left on the floor after our last make out session. Is there a problem with my having it?" Hawke slid the key into the lock keeping a half smirk in place. "Besides, I like your hair down. Might have to earn it back though."
"I've never hoped to not see Bohdan more." Anders voice flowed over her, his tone deeper than normal.
The house had been blessedly empty of either prying mothers and trusty dwarves. They were obviously expected though, Siri felt a flood of gratitude once they reached her bed chambers a low fire was already going and the room was pleasantly warm, also a small plate of fruits and cheeses with two glasses and no wine. Hawke chuckled, trust mother to know she'd have her own bottle. Anders smile lit up his face at the sight of the food. "I dare say, your mother might actually fatten me up yet." He nabbed the plate and plopped on her bed. Siri swung her gaze to the fireplace to cover her eye twitch, it would not due to have her eccentricities ruin the evening, she'd just shake the sheets out before they went to sleep. She hazarded a glance towards her bed, oh well, she supposed he was rather cute, cuter than Isabela for sure. She'd threatened said pirate with bodily harm. But Anders, she supposed he could.
"Given her earlier worry I should let her know I'm home. I'll only be a moment," she mumbled moving towards the still open door. She nearly tripped over her beloved Thedas, the mabari grumbling when she stepped on him. "I'm sorry sweetness." Thedas huffed but resumed his guard at his mistress door.
As she toddled to her mothers room, knocking lightly. "Mother, I'm home."
"Yes dear, have a wonderful evening. I'm just going back to sleep now."
"Goodnight. And. . . Thanks mum."
"Oh shush and shoo! You've better things to be doing tonight." Her mothers affection made a small smile climb up her face.
She ran back to her room, the chill in the hallways eating at her toes. She closed the door with a quiet thunk taking a deep breath and attempting not look nearly as nervous as she felt. The rough wood was cool if a bit rough against her forehead. It had been quite some time since she had been with a man. She mentally giggled, Anders was probably the only person who could match how many partners she had had. Her nerves were ridiculous, she knew she was more than adept in bed, but this was Anders. The only person she had found worthy of chasing that long, the only one who managed to hold her attentions. She shivered when the sound of footsteps hit the floor towards the two glasses that had previously been ignored for the plate. She inhaled slowly turning a blind eye to the slightly lightheaded feeling she was not suffering from, she could do this, it was just Anders, there was nothing to be afraid of. She turned to face the room taking the glass of chilled wine from him. His robe was gone, he only wore plain trousers and a white shift. He lifted her fingers to his lips in a decidedly chilly grip. "We're finally here," he breathed. There had never been a moment in her life where she had been so aware of her fingertips.
She was shaking, she knew it, it was totally visible in this moment. She could already see affection melting to concern in his gaze. Hawke shoved around her mental baggage trying to figure out where this irrational fear was coming from. What was different this time? She'd taken dozens of lovers, why of all times now was her confidence failing?!
"Siri, are you alright?"
The concern in his tone brought her gaze to his face. It wasn't anything she hadn't spent years daydreaming about. Nothing had changed, he had always been this way, gorgeous amber eyes, puffy kissable lips and blonde hair she always twitched to hold. It was her Anders, the man whom she'd spent a good part of the evening attached to, by the lips for Andraste's sake! She searched his eyes. "I. . . I've never exactly been a prude in my lifetime. But this. . ." Her exhale was shaky as she was. "The ones I was with before it came so easy, I didn't. . . I'm not a monster I made sure those I was with were happy or got one depending on how you want to look at it." She looked down, feeling more raw than she liked to be. "You're so much different from them. You could change me. I would do anything for you. I'm sorry I know I'm strangling the mood here but," she sniffled as delicately as possible. "I'm sorry, that just scared me for a second."
Affection swirled in his chest, he hadn't realized she could feel so small trembling in his arms because she loved him and it terrified her just as much as it did him. It only meant the strength of her feelings matched his own and knowing they were both feeling the same thing only increased the tenderness of the moment.
Anders gaze was possibly the most sweet and open she had ever seen it as he lifted her chin, "I love you too." He kissed the still trembling lips that now sported an equally shaky smile.
He tasted just as sweet as the fruit he had been previously nibbling on. The weight of his arm draped across her waist was a comfort. As much as he shook her on a very base level his presence was the only thing that put it all back together, she supposed it didn't have to make logical sense, this just felt right. Her tremors eased until she felt she had the ability to stand on her own. They broke apart shortly after, affectionate kisses and nibbles often traded.
She smiled softly, taking a heavy pull off her glass chasing back down the swirly feeling that had been so present at the Hanged Man.
"Are you hungry?" He hedged, going back to the plate.
Hawke tittered nervously, "Yeah, food would be good."
"Come here," Anders patted the bed next to him. She placed her wineglass on the table by the door. In the moment she had with her back turned to him she took a deep breath and composed herself. When she turned around her smile was easy and confident. She leaned down removing her socks before she sauntered to the bed wiggling her toes to bring the warmth back to them. She sat next to him, one leg bent and underneath her, the other dangling off the bed. "Are there any grapes?"
"Do you have a taste for them?" Anders asked lifting a branch to her. She popped the small oval into her mouth chewing enthusiastically. "Actually, yes. I've loved them ever since I was a child." She picked off another sweet orb. "They're my favorite."
"Hawke, if you're uncomfortable we don't have to. . . "
Siri grinned with an almost sadistic touch, "The rope is within arms reach, please don't tempt me."