Anyways, thanks for all the feedback :) You guys are so lovely! And yes, just to repeat, I've switched the valentine's day/ regionals timings around.
I used the Bridesmaid scene, as slight inspiration for this (afdajlfda Ryan Murphy released it) and thanks to lappers84 for plot ideas :)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or Glee etc.
Pale moonlight streamed into Quinn's room, illuminating her porcelain skin. A thin trickle of white gleamed through the pane her head was leaning against. Quinn was sitting in the small bay window in her room, hugging a pillow, legs bent up towards her chest. Her thoughts were dancing, but not in the beautiful, elegant way that suggested years of practice, they were doing a samba, far too intricate and fast running for Quinn to cope with. Her mind kept jumping between Sam, Mercedes, Rachel, Finn, her future, and countless other worries.
Quinn and Sam hadn't spoken about what happened the night of the party, though, what had happened? Nothing really, and she couldn't help feeling the twinge of sadness that nothing did. Instead, Sam made Quinn feel like a baby, pathetic and crying. She sighed, this was not the time to be thinking about her love life, or lack of. She had something much more important to worry about. One of her best friends was about to make the biggest mistake of her life – it was strange thinking of Rachel as her friend, Quinn never thought she'd see the day when she hung out with that loser, but she'd changed, they both had, become more mature and saw the error in both their personalities. Rachel had toned down the prima donna act, and Quinn was no longer bitchy- well, most of the time.
Glancing at her clock, Quinn's eyes flashed wide open. She was going to be late if she didn't leave soon. She didn't know if she was looking forwards to going or not, on one hand, she needed to sort out Rachel, but on the other, she didn't want to face Mercedes. The girl whom Sam loved, she didn't want to admit out loud that there was nothing going on between her and Sam anymore; which surely she would have, Quinn noticed all the sideways glances Mercedes gave her, and especially after the party, there'd be no escaping the questions. But wouldn't it be obvious to the girls? Why would anyone want her? She was used and damaged; no one wanted a girl like that.
Slowly, drawing out her time, Quinn packed her pyjamas, toothbrush, purse and clothes for the next day in her large tote bag. She didn't expect that she'd need much else. Then she headed towards the front door, sticking her head in her mom's room on the way to shout "Mom! I'm staying over at Mercedes' tonight"
But the sight of her mother stopped Quinn in her tracks. Judy Fabray was perched on the edge of her bed in a silk dressing gown, leaning over, head between her knees. "Mom?" Quinn called out softly, tentatively padding towards the bed.
"Hey mom, are you okay?" she asked again as she sat down beside her trembling mother. Quinn wrapped an arm around her mother's back, gently pulling her up, murmuring small 'shhs'.
There were bright crimson rings around Judy Fabray's watery eyes, tearstained face and hollowed cheeks. She said nothing, instead burying herself into her daughter's embrace.
There wasn't a need for words, ever since Quinn gave birth to Beth, she and her mother had been closer than ever. Though that may have also been due to her father leaving. Quinn was a lot like her mother in that they both suffered in silence. Quinn had exploded at the beginning of senior year, when everything she kept bottled up came spilling out and she had her 'skanks' phase. She was constantly terrified that her mother would do something of similar nature because, although she didn't admit it, Quinn was sure that her father's leaving had a much more profound effect on Judy than she would have liked.
That was the thing about men, they weren't reliable and both Fabray's had been scarred by their experiences. There was nothing to say, and so Quinn gently rocked her mother back and forth, stroking her hair, glistening droplets of salty water streaming down her own face.
Quinn had finally made it to Mercedes' house, an hour late after comforting her mother, but it was worth it. Quinn would do anything to make her mother happy again. Whilst in the car, the harsh silence caused by her broken radio forced Quinn into addressing some of her thoughts. She focused on herself, and decided that she cried far too often for her liking. Something had to change, but what?
"This is kind of like my hen night!" Rachel squealed excitedly, causing an immediate pause in conversation and cutting through Quinn's thoughts.
"I can't believe you're getting married" Sugar interjected
Quinn raised an eyebrow, she couldn't take anymore of this. "I hate to be the buzzkill, but, Rachel are you sure that you're really ready for this?"
"I've never been more certain about anything in my entire life" Rachel squeaked, clasping her hands together and smiling widely "Besides you can't spell infinity without Finn"
"Okay, I've tried to reason you and even tried to be nice about it but I'm not going to stand around and watch you ruin your life by marrying Finn Hudson" Quinn stood up and spoke with purpose. She'd been there, two years ago, she thought that she was going to end up with Finn and they'd get married, but that was a mistake, and she only realised it after she lost Sam. If she'd have stayed with him then perhaps she wouldn't even be going to Yale, or, if she did go, she'd be dragging baggage from her past with her, holding her back from her true potential.
"I'm not going to ruin it, I'm going to start my life with him" Rachel insisted, making wild hand gestures.
"Is anybody else with me on this?" Quinn looked around at a sea of bland faces, she rolled her eyes, it seemed as though everyone was crazy. "Looks like I'm the only one with balls enough to say it," she continued, rolling her eyes at her friends "Rachel, the thing that I admire most about you is that you're a girl that has never apologised for your ambition. You're the shining star of all of us, like it or not, it's true. And as we get closer and closer to graduation, you keep hiding your light behind this stupid Finn-wedding thing. I never pegged Rachel Berry as the girl who was too scared to take on the world. You need to let go, we all do" her last three words were barely a whisper.
"Mhmm" Rachel nodded sadly "If that's how you feel, then I'd prefer if you didn't attend the wedding"
"I won't be" Quinn stated.
An awkward silence filled the room.
"So Quinn, what's with you and trouty mouth?" Santana demanded bluntly, possibly making it even more awkward.
Quinn shot Santana a shocked look.
"What?" Santana shrugged.
Quinn's gaze shyly fell upon Mercedes, searching her for some kind of emotion before she responded. The corners of Mercedes' lips turned upwards in a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Quinn sighed, she may be have been able to lie to herself, to fabricate some kind of relationship with Sam in her mind, but she couldn't lie to her friends. "Nothing" she whispered, almost ashamed.
"Oh really, because you two disappeared off to my room the pretty early at the party, and the bed was all neatly made up afterwards.. so, did you do it?" Quinn's mouth formed a small 'o' and her cheeks flushed rose. Santana really had no shame.
"Really, nothing" Quinn repeated slowly.
"Valentine's Day is next week, is he going to take you out?"
Quinn shook her head, trying to hide her melancholy.
"What happened to us telling each other everything, we're best friends Q" Brittany whined, giving such an unhappy look that Quinn was almost guilted into saying more, although none of it would have been true.
"What do you want me to say?" Quinn snapped, "That we had sex, that we're going to make the mistake of getting married?" she shot Rachel a harsh glare.
"It's not a mistake! I love Finn" Rachel argued immediately.
"No- sorry Q" Brittany murmured tentatively, staring at the ground and pouting.
Santana rolled her eyes, "Well now look what you've done, Quinn, ruined the entire party"
"Er- I'm going to go check on the pizza" Mercedes cut in. Quinn had been watching her the whole time, she had been awkwardly leaning forwards in curiosity, the indifference in her features obviously not expressing what she truly felt.
"I'll come with you" Quinn immediately responded, her eyes begging Mercedes' for some relief from Santana's wrath. Quinn loved Santana, but she hated being grilled like this, especially when she was so used to doing the grilling; she sighed as though a great weight had been lifted from her when Mercedes gave a small nod of consent.
Quinn fled from the room, following Mercedes into her kitchen, "So, 'Cedes, how long has the pizza got le-"
"What's going on between you and Sam?" Mercedes interrupted.
Quinn's green-flecked eyes widened in shock, it was as though Santana had crept into Mercedes' body to spy on her. She flashed Mercedes the well-practiced fake smile she hardly ever used anymore since she stopped acting like HBIC.
"Sorry," Mercedes continued quickly, "I er- I just want to know. And I feel like you need someone to talk to, and by the looks of it the others aren't going to be much help"
"Look Mercedes" Quinn snapped, something had stirred inside her, probably the way Sam looked at Mercedes when he thought no one was paying attention, and the way that all the happiness drained from his green eyes when he saw her with Shane. It roused the bitchy Quinn from two years ago, the headstrong girl who was never afraid to speak her mind, or who would do anything to get what she wanted. "You need to stop messing with Sam, okay? And Shane. You're acting like a whore and it's not going to end well"
Mercedes immediately flushed in embarrassment, "I.. I know" she sighed, deflated.
"Sorry" Quinn reached out to take her friend's hand, "I just can't stand to see either of you in pain like this anymore. This happened to me last year, you know, and I lost the best guy I ever had. I just don't want the same to happen to you"
"I know, but it's so hard, they're both great guys"
"It's not about them both being great though, you want the one you can't live without, not the one that provides temporary excitement. I made the mistake of picking Finn because we had unfinished business. We ended so quickly, you know? With the whole Beth drama, and we didn't speak much because he was with Rachel. Once I kissed him, and we finally got a sort of closure; I realised that I wanted to be with Sam, but it was too late"
"Oh Quinn" Mercedes said kindly, "I- I never knew. I guess I've got some thinking to do"
Quinn nodded solemnly.
"Really though Quinn, what's going on with you and Sam?" Mercedes repeated, quickly adding "It might affect my decision. This whole situation is kind of a mess"
"Yeah" Quinn mused, "I guess you deserve to know"
Mercedes remained silent, waiting with baited breath for Quinn's answer.
"Well, nothing. I wouldn't lie to you guys" Quinn realised that her answer was an anti-climax, but it was the truth even though she wished for something between them.
"Are you sure Quinn? Because I noticed you two kissing the other night; and you both disappeared.." Mercedes trailed off, it was clear that she didn't want to seem as though she was prying, but was still curious all the same.
Quinn closed her eyes, comforted slightly by the solace of darkness. She considered lying to Mercedes, saying that they only went upstairs to clean up Sam's wound. But when she said before that Mercedes deserved t know, it was true. She was caught up in whatever it was with Sam as much as Quinn was, and she deserved to know where she stood. "Okay, so we kissed. Then we went up to Santana's room and kissed a bit more, but it didn't go further. We stopped, pretty quickly actually, but then didn't feel like going back to the party" Quinn didn't elaborate further, and she rapped out the words quickly, as emotionless as possible, afraid that she would start to cry again which wouldn't help either of them. Where was that fierce blonde, popular girl from three years ago?
"Oh, he had a couple of hickeys on his neck the next day, was that you?" Mercedes pressed.
"Yeah" she murmured, her cheeks burning.
"Why do you always look so sad nowadays Quinn?" Mercedes asked softly, seemingly changing the subject. She approached the small blonde and rested a hand on her upper arm.
"I, I don't know." Quinn sniffed, tears beginning to brim her eyes and threatening to spill over. In truth, she'd always been like this, the bitchy head cheerleader with hidden depth, but of course it was hidden, she was controlled by her insecurity. That was the reason why she'd had sex with Puck, because she felt fat and he got her drunk, and, from there, it had only gone down hill. Quinn loved Beth, of course she did, but life was so much simpler before she got pregnant. Now, Quinn was more insecure than ever; the silvery lines on her skin defining her life. As much as she put on a brave front, that's exactly what it was, a mask. And it was wearing down, more and more cracks appearing on the surface.
An arm came around Quinn's shoulder, pulling her towards Mercedes. "Hey, it's okay, you can tell me" she cooed.
"I just want someone to love me. Come Valentine's Day, everyone will have someone and I'll be alone eating ice cream with my mother" Quinn cried out, hot tears rolling down her pale cheeks. She blinked, trying to push the tears away but they wouldn't obey and kept spilling in uncontrollable waves. "The haircut, it was supposed to fix that, make me feel pretty; but that only lasted for a couple of weeks, then I joined the skanks. I don't know 'Cedes, I thought I was over all this but I'm not. I should be, I'm going to Yale!" Quinn knew that her broken up phrases didn't make much sense, but neither did her mind, or why she constantly felt so sad.
"Quinn, do you know how pretty you are? You're the prettiest, most popular girl in the school, you're Quinn Fabray" Mercedes stroked Quinn's arm, hugging her friend closely.
"Used to be" Quinn pouted pathetically, "I don't know what happened to her, but she's gone now. I don't know who I am anymore"
There was a long pause, in which the two girls just embraced, comforting each other, the way they had two years ago, when they both had such different problems.
"Sam" Quinn continued, "He's just so sweet. He makes me feel special, beautiful. He's the first person, other than you, to accept me after what happened with Beth, the first one who didn't judge me, and he made me feel whole again after that. I just- I get the feeling that he could fix whatever's missing but- he's just such a good guy, better than anyone I deserve. He really likes you 'Cedes, you're lucky to have him"
Mercedes ignored Quinn's comments about her and Sam's relationship, whispering "You really like him, don't you?"
It was time for her to admit it out loud, Quinn took a deep breath and nodded. "But he likes you" she protested.
"I- I know, Quinn." Mercedes's voice was flat and melancholy. More tears streamed down Quinn's face, of course Mercedes was sad, she couldn't be with a guy, be happy, because one of her friends was stopping her, she was being far too kind to Quinn. "It's okay, 'Cedes, I want you to be happy"
"Shh, Quinn" Mercedes cooed, a grim look on her face, "I just, I need to think about something."
A/N: I hope this was what you guys wanted! any comments, constructive criticism are always welcome? Thanks for reading!
I just need to change a few things with the next chapter and it'll be ready to post, hopefully quite soon.