Disclaimer: As before

Author's Note: I know I said this one was going to be about Izzie, but when it came to writing it, a piece about Mark seemed to flow out instead. The friendship between Mark and Derek fascinates me. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it's kind of under exploited on the show. Which is better than being overexploited I suppose. But I love it, which I think is probably reflected in this poem.

I am Mark Sloan

I am my parents, I suppose,
And the occasional pang of guilt that I don't call them much anymore.
I am that lonely, bored looking boy who lived next door
And that first afternoon I asked him over to play.

I am the trees we climbed and the bikes we rode.
I am the brother I gained.
I am Derek, and he is me.

I am the girls we chased, ruthlessly.
I am breezing through med school, with him.
I am the feeling that we could conquer the world.

And I am the moment when we both saw a beautiful redhead in an upmarket cocktail bar
And the feeling of foreboding I had, even then.
I am the decision I made to stand aside
And every day of regret that followed.

I am the three of us.
Mark and Derek and Addison.
Derek and Addison and Mark.
Addison and Mark and Derek.

I am all the nights that I took Addison out to dinner to make up for the fact Derek didn't.
And the neglect we both felt.
I am the moment where finally, finally she needed me the most.
And the apocalyptic devastation that followed.

I am the hope when Addison told me she was pregnant,
And a cute little onesie that's still in a drawer somewhere.
I am the loss when she told me that it wasn't going to happen.

I am the loneliness when she chased after him,
And I was left behind.
No Derek and Addison. And so, no Mark.
I am the mess I found when I went to Seattle,
And the knife in my side when I realised that they were both lost to me.

I am the strange moment of hope I felt when Meredith was dying
And ten minutes in a hospital corridor that we were brothers again.

I am the overwhelming need to punch Alex Karev, really hard.
And that knowledge when I saw them together that it wouldn't do any good.

I am the lies I have told with my scalpel,
And the lives I have changed with it at the same time.
I am the race for Chief, and the way I really worked for it,
Just to make Derek work more.

I am all the other women that aren't Addison,
The ones whose names I don't remember, and the ones I do.
I am quick fixes and cheap thrills.
I am Erica and Callie, and another triangular mess.

But most of all, all the time.
I am the hope that one day, Derek might forgive me.
And I might get my brother back.