Chapter 43: The Draw
Alice POV:
I ran blindly through the woods, pained cries escaping my lips every once in a while. Everything had happened so fast. One second Bella was sleeping, then we were yelling, and then I broke up with her. I left her.
Once home, I ignored my entire family giving me questioning looks and ran upstairs to my room, slamming the door. It was like a teen drama. I fell face first into my bed and sobbed. Bella's scent covered my sheets and pillows, it was soothing and heartbreaking at the same time. After about ten minutes, there was a small knock on my door, followed by the sound of it opening. Only Rosalie would knock and let herself in without waiting for my reply. Looking up I saw that I was right.
"What happened?"
"We broke up."
"Well no shit. That's not what I meant. Edward said you broke up with her? Why?" Her saying it just made me feel worse. I couldn't answer. Rose wrapped me in a hug and let me cry into her arms.
"She had a nightmare, and I tried to talk to her about it, and then we just started yelling and fighting with each other. I couldn't do it anymore Rose. She's always shutting me out and never letting me help. I love her so much. But I-I can't-I can't-" I couldn't even finish the sentence before breaking down again.
"Shhhhh. I know. Just let it out." She rubbed my back as I continued to sob. Around sunrise I was all cried out. Oh crap. We have school today. Rosalie read my mind. "Yes you have to go. We all have to go."
I knew I looked a mess as we pulled into the student parking lot. My siblings were respecting my space and avoided any small talk. Right when I got out of the car, Bella's pulled into her spot.
"Oh no you don't. You made your bed and you need to lie in it." Rosalie had grabbed me when I tried to get back in the car. The boys all gave me pitying looks before running to class. I watched Bella from across the lot, just like her first day back.
She looked like hell. Her hair was sticking every which way and her clothes were rumpled. She didn't glance my way at all. Or at least not that I could tell. Her eyes were covered in dark shades. Actually now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure she's under the influence of something. A small cry came from me. I wanted to go to her. Comfort her and beg for her forgiveness. Rosalie pulled me along to class, also glancing sadly in Bella's direction.
My heart was aching all throughout first period. I couldn't do this anymore. It was fighting my mate instincts to do this. By lunch time I was a trembling mess. My intentions were to throw up the white flag. But of course I couldn't do that without Bella. She was nowhere in sight in the cafeteria.
"She left." Jasper said quietly to me from across the table.
"She what?"
"After first period. She left." He kind of sounded short with me. Did I upset him in some way?
"Jasper? Is something wrong?"
"No. I need air." He said irritably and then left. What did I do?
"He doesn't like how you handled things with Bella." Edwards answered my question.
"What? Does anyone else feel that way?" I looked around the table to my other siblings. Emmett played with the food on his tray awkwardly.
"I don't Alice." Rosalie said supportively. But everyone else glanced around uneasily.
"Aw crap. I'm going to Bella's." Rose tried to stop me once again but I wasn't having it. I needed my mate. Something was pulling me towards her. Edward tossed me his keys as I walked out the doors.
The drive to Bella's was quick. I kept practicing what I wanted to say in my head. Just hoping beyond hope that she would forgive me. When I got to the house, I noticed her car was not parked outside.
"Bella? Bella are you home?" I knocked on the door waiting for her.
"She's not here." Jacob fucking Black opened the door. I almost lost it. "Hey hey easy! It's not like that! Alice I wouldn't do that. I just gave her a ride to the airport." That stopped me.
"The airport? Where did she go? Where is she going? Is she coming back?"
"I honestly have no clue. She just asked for a ride and I took her. She looked horrible. Did something happen?"
"We broke up." I don't know why I had just told him that. But he nodded understandingly.
"I'm sorry. Um, look I gotta go." He placed an awkward hand on my shoulder.
"Ok. Uh, thanks Jacob." Never thought I'd be saying that. After he left I snuck around to the backyard and jumped through the bedroom window. It was unlocked of course. I didn't know why I did it, I just wanted to be surrounded by her scent.
I stayed in her room for a while. Maybe hoping she'd magically come back, not really sure. I raided her closet and took her favorite flannel. Wrapping it around myself made me feel safe. Like she was actually there with her arms around me. The crying started again.
"Please come back. I miss you so much." I said quietly to the room. Screw it. I'm calling her. Straight to voicemail. "Um, hey Bella, it's Alice. Look I just really miss you. Please come home."
I wandered home around midnight, keeping Bella's shirt. I felt lost and confused. Esme pulled me into a hug the second I walked through the door. But it didn't make me feel better. Nothing would. I wanted Bella. I wanted to be in her arms, in her bed, next to her heart. There was no off button for my sobs. My off button had left, and I don't know where she went.
Bella POV:
She had left me. She promised she would never leave me. I had told her I loved her. I had even thought about marrying her. But she left me.
I felt sick. My body was shaking uncontrollably. The house felt like it was closing in on me. I needed to phase. Not bothering to strip, I shredded my clothes the second I got outside. Things like clothes didn't matter anymore. Not now.
I ran all night, only stopping to howl in misery every so often. When the sun rose, I made my way back home. There was no way I could get through this day sober. I grabbed a bottle of bourbon and a handful of aspirin. Alice was gone. She took my will to live with her. Unfortunately I can't really die so.
It was my fault. I knew that. I knew I should have let her in. Try harder. But I couldn't. It would only cause her pain. But in the end it caused us both pain. Ironic really.
Seeing Alice in the parking lot was torture. I heard the cry she made for me. Being this close to her without being able to touch or even talk to her was just cruel. I barely made it through the first class. Jasper kept sending me sympathetic looks from across the room. Screw this. I need to get away from here. I'm not strong enough for this.
I called Liam and then Jacob. Virginia was the plan. Jake was going to give me a ride to the airport for my afternoon flight. Luckily Jake didn't ask much, just silently drove. I thanked him for the ride and continued on.
The flight was long. I hadn't realized how low I'd gotten until I was considering breaking my diet. The flight attendant was irking me for some reason. I could kill him easily. No one would miss him. It would be quick. I had to splash some cold water on my face to shake the feeling.
"Hey Bells." Liam greeted me warmly with a hug. He led me inside his house and showed me the spare room where I would be staying. "Now, I would like to introduce you to the beautiful Zoey." Liam presented me to his imprint. She was very pretty, medium length red hair, bright green eyes, and a lovely smile.
"Nice to meet you Zoey. Sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances." I rubbed my neck uncomfortably.
"I completely understand. I can't imagine what you're going through."
The rest of the evening was pleasant, well as pleasant as it could be for me. I actually really liked Zoey. She was perfect for Liam. She went home around ten-ish and left me alone with Liam for company. Sensing my current mood, he brought out a bottle of scotch and a pair of glasses.
"I really like Zoey. I'm happy you found her."
"Thank Bells. Me too." We sat for a while, drinking in silence. "So, do you wanna talk about it?"
"Not really no." He nodded and poured us both another drink.
"It'll all work out. I promise." I nodded half lidded. The traveling and alcohol were hitting. He chuckled and pat my knee. "Come on Bells. Time for bed." I got dressed and into bed, ready to clock out. But right before hitting the light, I checked my voicemail messages. "Um, hey Bella, it's Alice. Look I just really miss you. Please come home." I contemplated calling her for a second before changing my mind.
Nothing had changed. She still wanted the truth and I couldn't give it. And then she had betrayed me. I had given her my heart ripped from my chest, and she had destroyed it. I knew not to fall in love. I knew what would happen. There was only myself to blame.
Alice POV:
Oh god what have I done? Bella was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I fucked up. This was all my fault.
Bella has been gone for five days now. I don't even have to energy or will to worry. The more I think about it, the worse I feel. Bella had literally thrown her body in front of me to prevent me from getting hurt. Half of her body was broken and she was bitten for me. I couldn't even be there for her. The amount of times I had fucked up my job as girlfriend was too many to count. But Bella was always there with open arms. She was only trying to prevent any further pain for me by not telling me these memories that haunted her. Oh god I hate myself.
I've left her about twenty voicemails at this point. Still no answer. Esme was trying her best to keep me from going catatonic, and Jasper was still pissed at me. I was currently venting to Rosalie about it. She sighed after I was done.
"Look Alice, while I agree with you on what you said. Bottling up anything is not good for relationships. But what you don't understand is the amount of pain she goes through on a daily basis. When she was having hallucinations from the venom, it was honestly probably the worst thing I've ever seen. No one should ever have to be put through that. So I can understand why she doesn't really want to share certain things with you." Rose made this face that she makes that always has me feeling that she knows more than she lets on. "And Jasper felt all of that. It was one thing to witness it, I'm sure it was absolutely terrible to feel it. So you can understand why he is angry about the why of the break up."
"Ugh I just need Bella back."
"I know." I laid back down on my bed, wrapping myself in her flannel again. Her scent was almost faded now. Fuck.
Suddenly her scent filled my nostrils completely. That's weird. I looked up confused. Rosalie was standing next to a sopping wet Bella. She was completely disheveled. It appeared as though she hadn't slept or eaten in days. She looked deathly ill. Her messy hair and outfit were both soaked. But her eyes were heartbreaking. She looked at me and let out just one word.
"Hey."