Disclaimer: Don't own

Warning: Hints of character death, angst :C

Yuhi Kurenai – 11th June

Two glasses of wine on an empty stomach and I'm already half gone, but I love this feeling.

The slight wobbliness in my legs, the thickness of my tongue that slowly winds its way around the inside of my mouth and the heaviness of my eyelids that are slowly, desperately dropping over these crimson eyes of mine, these eyes that can't quite see straight.

Even as I am thinking this, I am longing for another's legs to wind my own jelly-like ones around. I want another's mouth to explore with my own curious tongue. Another's heat, warmth and passion inside me, surrounding me, holding me close, loving me.

I want him.

I felt happy when I was with him though I knew I was being clumsy and soon someone would find us out or I would give myself away to those around me.

I still love him.

I still want him.

I love this feeling.

I love you all.

But one more glass and my love will turn to hate.

It's such a fickle thing, love. Just like alcohol it gives you a sense of security, but it soon disappears - this feeling - when the alcohol runs out or the love is taken away.

I'll say things I'm not supposed to without realising.

The taste of my breath is so familiar, it brings back memories of when it all started, this same summers night from years ago envelopes me and I can almost taste his scent the memory is so strong.

Other noises, other voices seem so loud and I feel the desperate need to get away from them. I stand, bar stool screeching, and my companion and her new best friend turn to look at me, waving me home happily.

I drag my feet through the village but I'm not going to my home, I'm going to his. I can smell him as I walk in the door. I haven't cleaned in case I loose this last, lingering memory.

I find my way to the bedroom and collapse onto the still-crumpled sheets.

I will sleep to the sound of his remembered voice, tears streaming down my face – for once I couldn't care less about rules. I wish he was here with me to celebrate with me. If he had been here maybe I wouldn't have lost the most precious gift he had ever given me.

But wishing cures nothing and I have celebrated this stupid day without him and I am counting down the moments until I can be with him again – or at least not have to deal with the pain of being apart from him.

I fall asleep breathing in the smell of him. The smell of earth and of air and of tobacco and of him.

I love him. Still. And this love is all I should need. It was his gift to me and I will never forget him.

OMG ANGST! I am so sorry, it wasn't supposed to be this bad. I hate angst but it's just so easy to write :C