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The journey back to Clarke's had been frantic to say the least. Lexa was an emotional wreck the whole way, and Bellamy had been too shocked to actually give anyone a coherent explanation as to what the hell had just happened. Lincoln carried Lexa into their teacher's house, and placed her onto the couch where she has proceeded to bury herself into her own arms still sobbing.
Octavia, Bellamy, Lincoln and Anya share a look, Raven and Clarke watch on with interest, Clarke wants to do nothing more than comfort Lexa, but she appreciates that she's the new guy here, and perhaps her friends want to comfort her, perhaps Lexa would prefer that her friends comfort her. There seems to have been a silent agreement between the four teenagers that Octavia will be the one to approach the stricken brunette first. She drops to her knees by the couch, and pushes the hair out of her friends face and starts to stroke her cheek. Given that she really has no idea what the hell has happened she doesn't really know where to start, or what to say to attempt to comfort her best friend.
"Lex. Please talk to me." Lexa can't formulate words, she wishes she could she can see the fear in her best friend's face, but how can she tell her that Finn's death was her fault. This thought brings the sobs back with a vengeance. To the point that Octavia can't bear it anymore, she pulls herself up and pleads at Clarke with her eyes, please help her.
Clarke gets it, she drops to her knees and much like Octavia before her she starts to stroke her lover's hair.
"Hey you." Clarke's heart bursts when Lexa's sobs subside a little and the hint of a smile plays on her lips.
"Hey." Its barely a whisper from the brunette, but it's a start.
"You had me really worried." Clarke can't help the tear that slides down her face.
Lexa reaches out and wipes it for her. "I'm sorry."
"I don't want you to be sorry Lex. I just want you to be okay."
Lexa swallows. "This is all my fault, all of it. Finn's death everything." The sobs start up again.
Clarke really doesn't understand Lexa's words, neither does anyone else in the room, except of course Bellamy, who has tears of his own tumbling down his face.
"Hey, none of this is your fault." Well those words of attempted comfort did not have the desired effect at all, Lexa's sobs become even more frequent, Clarke desperate; decides to try another tack. "I love you so much."
If the other teenagers in the room, or Raven were shocked by Clarke's confession, none of them showed it. Clarke doesn't care one iota anyway, because the sobs subside long enough for Lexa to make her own declaration. "I love you too."
Raven glances over to the rest of the group. She grabs Anya's arm, and gestures to the rest of her students. "Let's give them some privacy."
They all nod and move to head into the kitchen. Octavia grabs her brothers arm. "You can tell us all what the fucks going on."
Bellamy flinches at the expletive that falls from his little sister's lip, but he nods compliantly, and follows the rest of them.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
They're in the kitchen for approximately 0.5 milliseconds when the teenagers begin their assault on Bellamy. The questions rain in. Octavia, still furious with her brother gets the first one out.
"What the hell happened at that meeting Bellamy?"
Anya quickly follows that up. "Why on earth does Lexa think Finn's death was her fault?"
Bellamy struggles to get his thoughts straight in his head to give his sister and his friend the answers they need, he starts to panic. Lincoln sees it, he sees Bellamy's breaths starting to gasp, the confusion and anxiety taking over his features. He grabs his arms and shakes him gently. "Pull it together Bell. We need to know what the hell's going on."
Bellamy takes a deep breath, squeezes the last few tears from his eyes, and blows out all the frustration he feels. He's ready to talk.
"Erm." He waivers as he still can't quite believe this part himself. "Apparently Lexa is the true commander of the Trikru."
It's so ridiculous, that Anya, Octavia and Lincoln all laugh, expecting this to be some sort of sick joke. Raven shows no emotion, she keeps focused on Bellamy, he's being deadly serious. It's not long before the other realise that he's not joking.
Lincoln speaks first. "What on earth are you taking about. Lexa has nothing to do with the Trikru."
Bellamy shakes his head. "Apparently her Dad, Gustus something, is one of the last pure blood Trikru. He's disappeared off the face of the earth, which means that Lexa is next in line."
Anya, Lincoln, Octavia, and even Raven are all reeling. "How is this even possible. How can this be happening."? Anya can't get her head around it.
Bellamy continues "Apparently ever since Lexa turned 18 the Trikru have been itching to come out from the shadows and unite behind her, or some shit."
The three other teenagers in the room can't speak, this is a lot to take in. Lexa hates the gangs in this city, she must be shocked to the core, no wonder she's upset. Raven has made the connection that no one else hearing this story for the first time has apparently.
"What has all of this got to do with Finn's death?"
Four sets of eyes snap up towards their teacher. Bellamy can feel the emotion starting to creep over him again. He swallows it as he gets ready to explain the worst part of this story.
"Nia Queen wanted to size Lexa up. I don't know; see if she had any intention of following in her father's footsteps I guess." He shrugs. "Nia decided the best way to do that was to try and get to Lexa through a friend."
Bellamy ignores the sharp intakes of breath from the others in the room and powers through, he has to, it's the only way he'll get it all out. "She picked Finn, probably the worst choice on her part."
Anya, Octavia and Lincoln all allow themselves a smirk, they know exactly what Bellamy means. Finn wasn't exactly the most compliant of people.
"Anyway, to cut a long story short, Finn refused to help her get to Lex, so Nia tried to blackmail him into helping her, which ultimately ended up with Finn throwing Azgeda drugs into the Polis."
Bellamy swallows hard, happy he was able to fully explain. Anya can't believe Finn's stupidity, he was such a frustrating idiot sometimes, so frustrating in fact that she feels her throat go dry, trying to hold back the sobs that are threatening to spill over. She tries to move away from the group, not used to showing so much emotion in front of them. Raven sees it all the way, and just as she needs it, Raven pulls her into a hug, Anya buries her head into her teacher's shoulder and lets the sobs take over.
Lincoln's heart breaks, he doesn't feel frustration as much as he can't quite believe Finn's stupidity, but at the same time he can. Overall, he feels immensely proud that Finn wouldn't give Lexa up no matter what. If only Bellamy had shown that kind of resolve, they might not be in this mess now. His anger starts to consume him, he needs to calm down.
Octavia has no problems in letting her anger take her over. "Are you happy now?" It's firmly direct at Bellamy.
He finches, he's been expecting this. Octavia continues. "Come on Bell, you got what you wanted right? You know why Finn died, screw everyone else huh."
"I didn't know this was going to happen." It's pathetic he knows.
Octavia can't help the wry chuckle that falls from her lips. "So, you thought blackmailing Lexa over Clarke was going to end, well did you?" She exhales exasperated. "You're no better than Nia Queen."
She's right, as he hears the words he knows she's right. Nia blackmailed Finn and he blackmailed Lexa, both with disastrous consequences. He just bows his head, and tries not to show the rest of the group just how crushed he is. Octavia just shakes her head and turns away from her brother, not for the first time in recent history she can't bear to look at him.
XXXXXXXXXX
Lexa had just about managed to relay the story of the last couple of hours to her lover; and to say Clarke is in shock would be an understatement. Lexa has managed to get a hold on her emotions, and both she and Clarke are now sitting up, side by side on the blonde's sofa.
"I want you to promise me something." It's Clarke that breaks the comfortable silence between them.
Lexa just nods.
Clarke swallows. "I know you're used to having to deal with things by yourself, and I get that you want to protect those guys." She gestures with her head towards the kitchen where the rest of the teenagers and Raven still haven't reappeared from.
"But I'm here Lex, I want you to know that you can bring anything to me, and we can deal with it together. I don't want you to have to go through something like this again on your own." Clarke's face is stoic, and Lexa can see that she hurt Clarke by not letting her in on this mess.
Lexa nods again, but she knows Clarke is expecting a verbal response, so in an attempt to give her one, Lexa tries to explain just why she didn't feel she could let Clarke into what she and Bellamy were getting involved in.
"Clarke, I knew that if I told you what Bellamy was blackmailing me with…" Clarke frowns as her lover continues. "You would go straight to Jaha and tell him what was going on between us."
Clarke smiles she can't help it, happy that Lexa finally gets that she is the most important thing in her life. Lexa doesn't notice the smile, too self-conscious. "But I didn't want you to have to give anything up for me." Lexa glances up and sees what looks like a small flash of anger in brilliant blue eyes.
Clarke is a little angry to be honest. "Lexa, you really can be dense sometimes." She sighs. "The alternative to me giving up my career, was potentially giving up you. So, I was giving something up either way."
She places a hand on either side of Lexa's face, and her features soften a little which Lexa's knows means she's calmed down. "In the future, I would like to have some input on what I might have to sacrifice. And just F.Y.I., you win out over my career every single time."
Lexa smiles and leans forward to place a gentle kiss onto her teacher's soft pink lips. Clarke allows it, but she really needs Lexa to get this. "I mean it Lex. I know with the Azgeda now being a real issue, this whole mess is probably going to get a whole lot worse before it gets any better. If anyone tries to hold this." She gestures between them. "What we have, against you, then fuck them. I will go straight to Jaha and tell him myself. Okay."
Lexa can't help the brilliant smile that forms on her face, again she just nods, feeling a little too emotional again; only this time for good reasons.
The moment is broken by the sound of Clarke's kitchen door opening, and five miserable looking people letting themselves into the front room to assess the situation. Clarke sighs and looks from her five friends back over to her lover. It's time to figure out just how the hell they are going to get out of this mess.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Two hours have passed, and barely a word has been said amongst the group. Each person quietly processing the events of the last few hours, and desperately trying to figure out a way to make the Azgeda; well more specifically Nia Queen drop their interest in Lexa. They have all silently arrived at the same conclusion; no chance. No one dares say it out loud.
The silence is suffocating Lexa, she can't bare it any longer. She knows what she needs to do, initially anyway. She jumps up, with a new-found purpose, startling the rest of the group as she does. "I need to speak to my Mum."
"Why?" Its Octavia that voices the confusion that everyone is feeling.
"She obviously knows about this. Maybe she can tell me where my real father is."
Anya rises. "Yeah if she takes her head out of a bottle long enough to do anything productive." She knows its harsh, but she doesn't want Lexa to get her hopes up, especially when it comes to her mother, who has done nothing but let her down this far.
Lexa sighs, unfortunately she knows Anya is right. "Right now, she's my only hope."
"I need to know who the hell I am. She's the only one that really knows." Lexa shrugs.
Anya sighs, regrettably Lexa is right; she slumps back down into her seat, she hopes Alice doesn't let her daughter down as usual.
Lexa pulls on her coat, which surprises Clarke. "You're going now?"
"No time like the present, plus I'm hardly likely to sleep."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
Lexa appreciates the gesture. She's not used to letting people in. "You don't have to."
Clarke smiles. "I want to."
A smile plays on Lexa's lips as she nods to confirm that Clarke can join her.
Raven takes this as the cue for the rest of them to get the hell out of Clarke's house. "Right you lot, come on, I'll drive you all home."
Although reluctant to do so, they know there's nothing more they can do for Lexa tonight. Octavia approaches her best friend. "We congregate back here at 9am sharp tomorrow okay." Octavia can feel the emotion take over her. "Once we have the info from your Mum, we can come up with a plan okay, all of us. We're all in this Lex."
Again, Lexa just nods, unable to formulate a sentence. Octavia throws her arms around Lexa's neck, before silently heading towards the front door. Anya, Lincoln and Bellamy follow suite in pulling their best friend into a hug before making their exit, and then surprisingly, so does Raven, before the older woman turns to Clarke. "I'll see you at 9am Sharp. Look after yourselves."
Clarke smiles as she watches her best friend escort the three teenagers out into the night. She turns back to Lexa. "Ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
Lexa takes a deep breath before following Clarke into the cold night air. Next stop, home.
XXXXXXXXXX
Lexa pushes open her front door and gestures for Clarke to follow her into the house, she has no idea if her Mum is actually going to be in, but she really hopes that she is; the alternative is traipsing around all of her favourite hangouts, and pulling her out of a dumpster or god knows what, probably covered in her own vomit.
It seems the Gods are going to be kind to her for the first time this evening, her Mother is home; although not that kind, she's smashed. Lexa sighs, not really a surprise. She heads straight for the kettle fills it with water and flicks on the switch. Clarke watches as her lover methodically starts preparing her mother an extra strong coffee, Clarkes heart breaks a little as she wonders just how many times the younger woman has gone through this routine. She glances over to Lexa's Mum, who's currently unconscious, and sprawled out on the couch, surrounded by empty cans.
Four cups of coffee, and numerous trips to the bathroom to empty her stomach, and Alice is finally starting to look a little more lucid, although healthy is probably not a word you would use to describe the middle-aged woman right now.
She sways again, Lexa is trying to decipher if she needs to make another coffee. She had felt self-conscious about letting Clarke see this part of her life, but although the blonde hadn't said a word since they got here, her eyes have conveyed nothing but understanding, the pity Lexa had been expecting to see, non-existent.
Alice sways her head up to first to her right, and takes in the appearance of her only daughter, it then whips to her left and she sees another young woman, maybe around Lexa's age, maybe a little older, but definitely not one of Lexa's usual crew.
"Who are you?" Alice is intrigued. It's not like Lexa to let any of her friends see her in this state, let alone someone she has never seen before.
Her mother's question was a little too abrupt, causing Lexa to flinch. "Mum."
"No, it's fine." Clarke moves forward from where she had been perched against a radiator. "I'm Clarke Griffin."
"And how do you know my daughter, Clarke Griffin." Alice eyes the newcomer with suspicion.
"I'm a teacher at Arkadia High."
This confuses Alice even more. "What the hell are you doing with my daughter at…" Alice consults her watch. "At 11.37pm on a Saturday night."
Lexa steps forward now, they don't really have time for this. "Mum that's not important right now. We need to talk."
Alice knew this was coming, ever since she learned about what happened to Finn. As much as she's dreading it, she knows she can't escape it any longer. She needs to tell Lexa the truth about her parentage, the truth about her bloodline. She nods at the two younger woman and gestures for them to be seated; Lexa sits at the opposite end of the couch to her mother, and Clarke sits in a single chair to the left closest to her lover and watches intently as the showdown begins.
"What do you want to know?" Alice's question is simplistic.
Lexa sighs, she guesses she should start with her meeting earlier this evening. "As you know I met with Roan Queen."
Alice flinches at the name, Lexa doesn't appear to have noticed. Clarke does.
"He told me that my father was the last pure blood Trikru, and that since I turned 18, the Trikru have been waiting for me to lead an uprising." Lexa's voice breaks at the end of her sentence.
Clarke reaches out and grabs her hand in a show of comfort. Alice watches with interest, although she can't dwell on it, Lexa deserves some answers. Alice nods. "Roan was correct, your father is." She corrects herself. "Was the rightful leader of the Trikru. In his absence, when you came of age, that right bestowed itself upon you."
Alice chances a look up at her daughter, still clasping the hand of her school teacher, but looking one hundred percent angrier than she was a few seconds ago. Mere moments ago, her eyes were tinged with unshed tears, now they are laced with rage.
Lexa doesn't hold back. "When exactly were you planning on telling me all of this?" The words are spat out of her mouth.
She rises, dropping Clarke's hand as she does, and continues her rant against her mother. "Or did you think you could just drink this all away. If you stayed smashed the whole time it didn't happen."
Alice finches, but she deserved that. She rises to meet her daughter's eyes. She shrugs. "Maybe."
Lexa isn't impressed. Alice sighs. "I knew what it meant, when you father disappeared, when you turned 18; I was all by myself Lexa, I didn't know how to deal with the Azgeda."
Lexa's fuse blows. "And I do?" It's practically a scream. "I have no one, you should have been there for me, we could have dealt with this together. But as always, you put yourself first, like the selfish bitch you are." Lexa shakes her head. "You didn't even give me a heads up. If you had told me anything, I could have been prepared, might have been able to formulate some form of plan."
Lexa knows her next words will hurt her mother. "Finn wouldn't be dead."
Alice's head snaps up, she's right, Lexa is right; she has blood on her hands. Her emotional barrier breaks, and she starts to sob, she can't stop. She falls to her knees, Lexa can't bring herself to comfort her mother. Clarke watches the scene unfold in front of her in horror, she feels so distraught for Lexa, for she must have been through with her mother.
"Get up." Even Clarke is a little taken aback at the lack of compassion Lexa is showing to the stricken woman.
"We can deal with your guilt later, mine too for that matter." Lexa swallows hard as she speaks. "Right now, I need you to be something you haven't been for a long time. Useful."
Alice nods and works hard to compose herself, before retaking her seat on the couch. "What do you need from me?"
"Who was my father?"
"Gustus Woods."
"Where is he?" Lexa fixes her mother with a hard stare.
"I don't know." Alice answers honestly. "He's been missing for fifteen years, presumed dead."
"At the hands of the Azgeda?"
Alice shakes her head. "No, he went out of town. That's why there's such an air of mystery around him."
Lexa is intrigued. "Why would he leave town?"
Alice feels the tears starting up again. "The life he had here in Arkadia, he didn't want that for us, for you. He went out of town to try and set us up a new life. A life away from the Trikru, the Azgeda." Her voice breaks. "But he never came back. He left us to deal with this ourselves."
"That's when you hit the bottle." Lexa whole life is falling into place.
Alice nods again. "I didn't know what to do, how to get you out of this situation. I thought about it until my head hurt, then I thought about it some more. When I came up with blank, I had a drink, and it numbed the pain and the fear. Before long I was drunk more often than I was sober."
Lexa's arms are crossed. She softens towards her mother slightly it shows in her eyes, but she still needs more answers. "Roan said that I was the last pure blood Trikru. That means that you're a Trikru too?"
Alice nods.
Lexa sighs and runs her hand through her hair. "I really wish you would have just told me all of this."
"I'm so sorry Lexa. I'm so so sorry." The sobs start again. Lexa moves forward and places a hand on her mother's shoulder as a small show of comfort. Alice grabs the hand as if she will never let go.
"Do you have anyway of contacting my father?"
Alice's head snaps up. "Lexa he's been gone for fifteen years."
"But you don't actually know if he's dead for sure."
"Well no, but…" Alice struggles over her next question. "Why wouldn't he have come back if he was still alive?"
Lexa can see this very question has tormented her mother for years. "You said yourself, he wanted out of this life." Lexa shrugs.
Alice's heart breaks a little bit more, the thought that Gustus, the love of her life would just up and leave them, his family without a second thought.
She swallows the pain she feels, she needs to be what Lexa craves now; useful. "I have a chest of your father's things in the attic, perhaps there is something in there that can help. I can also put you in touch with Indra."
"Who's Indra?" Lexa is confused.
"She's a big deal in the Trikru, she might actually be able to help us get out of this mess." Alice smiles, and for the first time in what feels like a long time, Lexa smiles back. With that Alice jumps up, and heads towards the attic. Lexa looks over at Clarke who has plastered a reassuring smile on her face, but Lexa can tell the older woman is frightened. Truth be told so is she, terrified actually.
XXXXXXXXXX
Lexa's mother had retrieved the chest, and called Indra and set up a meeting for the following day. Lexa in turn had been making calls of her own, to Octavia to keep them updated. Given that it's so late, they're going to go through the chest first thing tomorrow morning; Octavia, Bellamy, Lincoln and Anya are heading over now to Lexa's rather than Clarke's, 9am sharp.
Clarke had just finished up a call with Raven filling her best friend in on what's happened and what the plan is for tomorrow, Raven was adamant that she was in. To be honest Clarke is glad, as much as she doesn't want to put her friend in any danger, Ravens skill set can certainly be useful, and she and Lexa are going to need all the help they can get to get out of this mess with the Azgeda.
She's pulled from her thoughts, by arms being wrapped around from behind, and lips brushing against her neck. She can't help the smile that forms on her lips. "Hey."
Clarks turns in Lexa's arms. "Hey to you."
Lexa smiles. "Stay here with me tonight."
The smile drops. "I'm not sure that's a good idea, what would you say to your mum?"
"I'd say that it's gone two in the morning, and you were due to come back at nine, so really there's no point in you going home anyways" Lexa places a small kiss on Clarke's lips.
"Oh, really and if she asks why I'm staying in your room?"
Lexa feigns confusion. "Who said anything about you staying in my room. The offer was for the couch."
Clarke's slaps her arm playfully, causing Lexa to laugh out loud. "I'm kidding. She won't ask."
Clarke's face conveys that she doesn't quite believe her. "She won't ask." Lexa reiterates. "Go and head to my room now, she probably won't even notice. I'll go say goodnight to her to make sure."
Clarke sighs, to be honest she's too tired to care anyway. She's kisses Lexa again before heading to trudge upstairs and collapse onto Lexa's bed, as soon as she finds it.
Lexa shouts out behind her, as if reading her mind. "First door on the right."
Clarke doesn't respond or turn around, just throws up a hand to acknowledge that she's heard her at all. Lexa smiles shaking her head as she heads back into the front room to say goodnight to her mum.
Alice is sitting on the couch leafing through a few things in the chest. "You did good tonight mother."
Alice is slightly startled by Lexa's voice. "About time huh."
Lexa doesn't disagree, but she's far too tired and emotional to get into anything else with her mother tonight. "I'm going to bed."
Lexa turns on her heals, but is stopped by her mother's voice. "How long have you been sleeping with your teacher?"
Lexa slowly turns back. "How did you…"
Alice laughs at the look of confusion of her daughter's face. "She looks at you like you're her whole world; and you look at her the same." She states simply.
"Mum…"
Before Lexa can get anymore out her mother continues. "I won't say anything Lexa. You're 18, you don't need my permission or my approval. I Assume she knows what she's risking to be with you?"
Lexa feels anger rising again. "She knows, and so do I, the last thing I want is for her to risk her career."
Alice can see she's annoyed her daughter. "Hey relax. I just want you to be careful. If anyone deserves happiness it's you, the last thing I want to see is that destroyed due to circumstances."
"That won't happen."
"Just maybe don't be as obvious in front of anyone involved with the Azgeda. That, is information that they would happily use against you."
Lexa concedes her mother is right. "I know. I won't."
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