She's asking him to fight. He feels she's scared to really tell him what she wants him to do, sees the memory that's stopping her.
But he can't . He can't do this again. He knows she's right, that Anakin needs them to help, and that should be enough to rouse him, but something in him feels asleep, dead even, heavy and exhausted. The guard still stands next to him with that electrostaff and Rex just doesn't want to have to feel that anymore, the pain that he can't even fight for fear of hurting someone else.
He's not strong enough for this, not strong enough to take the pain anymore; when he thinks about fighting the burns on his neck throb , a reminder of what will happen to him if he does fight, and he just can't take that again .
He feels Ahsoka getting ready, feels she's going to fight, senses that ancient Force again, and part of him panics , because this is what happened last time and he doesn't want anymore pain. He's had enough. He's shaking, and although he's ashamed he finds he cannot move, can't promise her he'll fight with her.
But he's at least strong enough to hide that from her so she can do what she has to.
Ahsoka's hands curl into fists, and her collar shorts out and peels away from her neck like crumpling paper. Rex's guard lifts his electrostaff and Rex only has time to flinch away before the guard is thrown back and slams hard against the wall.
Agruss is shouting and Rex feels his collar break open and fall with a clatter to the floor, and it's such a relief he almost forgets that he can stand now. He sways a moment on his knees, then grits his teeth and summons strength from somewhere (he doesn't even know how) to shove himself to his feet. He sees Ahsoka ducking out of the way of a few blaster shots and has the presence of mind to run to the side of the room, drop into a crouch behind a series of control panels - he ends up right by the guard Ahsoka had thrown away from him and he grabs the guard's blaster.
He grits his teeth and stands again, automatically fires at the guards. His aim isn't good but he still drops most of his targets. Ahsoka's hands aren't cuffed together anymore, she holds her right arm slightly extended, and Rex can feel her reaching for her sabers.
If she can get them back, they could actually do this. The realization sends a thrill of hope and relief through his limbs and he shoots a guard who takes aim at Ahsoka.
...
Ahsoka throws a few guards back with judicious Force-pushes, dodges a couple blaster bolts, and then throws her hands up directly in the path of another bolt. A touch of the Force and the bolt hits her binders, snapping them; she doesn't hesitate, just reaches, extending her right hand and calling. Her green 'saber responds to her call, singing in the Force, and she just has to hold out long enough for it to come to her.
She steals an electrostaff from a guard on the ground, twirls it in her left hand (not as accurately as she would like, but it works, well enough, at least), and then she hurls it across the room, into another Zygerrian, as her 'saber slams into her palm. She reaches her left hand out, calling for her other 'saber, and ignites the first blade, holds it defensively. Her other 'saber comes more quickly, and she ignites it, too, and then she throws herself on the offensive.
She's done letting them control her. Letting them use her to control Rex.
The Force flows into her (and she's going to pay for this, later), filling her to the brim with energy and power and strength, and she vaults from her crouched stance, slashes through a pair of guards. A shock whip hisses out (a part of her flinches at the sound), and she flips over it, a thought and a gesture deactivating it for long enough she can slice the handle in half. The next thing she slices in half is the whip's owner.
Ahsoka's not sure that should feel so… good.
It's intoxicating, in a way, and as soon as she realizes that (as soon as she accepts it?) a rush of power fills her veins, a wild light coming into her eyes. She pulls on the Force again (more and more of it floods her, burying her screaming body in waves of pure power), speeds her motion until she's just a blur flipping through the ranks of the guards. Rex is laying down cover fire, for which she's thankful, but at the same time she doesn't need it. Not right now. Not with the Force in every breath and beat of her heart. She cuts the Zygerrians down, and she laughs as she does it. It feels good, a thrill of power in her blood, the huntress within her awakened.
These people used her, like she's just a toy, just bait, they used her to hurt Rex and now they want to use her to force Anakin to surrender.
She hates them.
She wants them dead.
(A part of her wants them all to suffer, the way she has, to be forced to sit and watch because trying to stop it makes it worse.)
There's raw strength in her hatred; something faint in the back of her mind warns her away, some half-forgotten Initiate lesson, but she's so exhausted and her reserves of energy and willpower are almost gone-she has to use everything she can.
So Ahsoka stamps down the voice screaming at her that this is wrong, stop, and she lets hatred and rage fill her to the brim, and she smiles.
(She catches a glimpse of herself in the reflection off one of the control panels, and her eyes are studded with gold.)
...
Rex has never been happier to see her sabers, and he feels ferocity and power rushing through Ahsoka's mind, displacing the fog that's been there for days. He feels some of it himself, energy pulsing hot in his blood, and he can almost ignore his pain. Raising his blaster, he takes out two Zygerrians easily, dodges out of the way of an electrostaff and shoots the Zygerrian holding it.
He spins just in time for a blaster bolt to slam into his weapon, destroying it and snapping his cuffs all at once. If he hadn't turned, he'd have been shot in the side.
He got lucky.
He snatches a fallen electrostaff off the ground, hopes to replace it with a blaster as soon as possible. There's still power washing over him from Ahsoka's mind though, and it's almost easy to just use the electrostaff. Duck under a clumsy thrust, drive his shoulder into the guard's stomach, follow up with the staff to his stomach. Let them taste some of their own cruelty, he thinks, and, still holding his new staff, grabs a blaster from his fallen opponent's holster. He guns down some of Ahsoka's attackers (although she hardly needs him just now) setting his sights on Agruss, who has retreated to the side of the room, well out of the way of the fighting. The karking coward.
He feels a sudden wave of icy hatred, and for a moment he doesn't even realize it doesn't originate from him. He stabs his staff into a guard's chin, forcing his head back, possibly killing him, and whips his head around to look at Ahsoka because now that he's paying attention, her thoughts are scaring him because they're mostly just anger and hate and a desire to make them all pay .
He doesn't quite know why that scares him (he's nothing but anger too, and it's felt good to kill these slavers, and this is just justice ), except that she's smiling as she kills and she feels wrong, cold .
She isn't like this, isn't supposed to be, and he reaches out to her without really thinking about it (shoots a guard in between the eyes and keeps moving so he doesn't get shot himself).
Ahsoka? The raging fire in his chest goes out, replaced by worry and fear because this doesn't feel right, and this isn't like her . She doesn't respond, and he pushes harder for her attention. Ahsoka, what are you doing?
She's still fighting, doesn't even pause, and Rex has never seen her move so fast, fight so ruthlessly. It would be incredible, beautiful even, except he can still feel ice-cold fury. It's fine, Rex, she thinks, and kriff, she doesn't even sound right. She sounds distant, like she doesn't even know why he's worried. There aren't many Zygerrians left, although Rex is sure reinforcements are on the way.
It's not fine, he thinks, and finds himself blocked out of most of her thoughts by shields he can't even hope to get past.
You don't understand .
That much is true. Rex takes a moment to slam his electrostaff into a downed guard who'd been trying to get back up. There's an anxious twist in his stomach and he pushes against her shields because he knows, instinctively, that he can't let her do this, whatever this is. She actually looks at him this time, and the expression on her face is a fierce kind of triumph, a predatory smile. And her eyes, normally so blue and soft, have gone partly gold and so, so sharp .
He takes a step towards her, goes to try to get her attention again, and suddenly a loud crash draws his attention to a bank of control panels against the wall, where Agruss stands destroying the controls themselves. The display shows red, and he doesn't quite understand but the slavemaster is sneering, yellow eyes harsh.
Ahsoka's mind becomes nothing but a gale of ice and fire, and he automatically retreats from her thoughts, shocked. He doesn't know what to do because, he thinks he has to stop her - but how can he if she won't listen to him?
...
She loves Rex, she really does, but he needs to stop pushing at her mind before he gets himself hurt. And he doesn't understand; he doesn't know how empty she is, how useless she'd be without the fury fueling her. She needs this power, every last drop of it.
She can't let her people die, and she knows what that red display means.
Ahsoka sprints over to the terminal, curses in Huttese and Mando'a and a few other languages; Agruss laughs and she spins, stares at him, all the rage coalescing into one single goal.
But first she has to make sure her people are freed.
She extinguishes one 'saber blade, hooks it onto her belt, and stretches out one hand, Force-pulling a commlink into her palm. Adjusting the frequency to Anakin's, she says, "Master. The Togrutans are on a platform at the base of this facility, and the Keeper's programmed the floor to retreat and drop them all to their deaths. He's destroyed the controls, so I can't do anything about it from here. Rex and I have taken the control room and are secure for now. Tano out."
She casts the commlink away from her-it doesn't matter, now. (In the back of her mind, where her training bond with Anakin resides, she can feel her Master nudging at her-concern and worry foremost in his thoughts. She redoubles her shields, presses him out. She can't let him in, can't let him see.)
The only thing that matters is Agruss.
Ahsoka stalks towards him, both her 'sabers alight once more, the Force practically vibrating around her with her anger and intent. She's a huntress, a predator, moving with all the lithe grace of a lioness, and every inhibition has been stripped away from her: there is only her, her anger, and the Force. Agruss isn't afraid, yet (he's too stupid, probably), and she knows why-he thinks he's broken her.
And he has. That's why he's going to die.
"You won't kill me," the Zygerrian says confidently, an easy smile on his face. "It's against Jedi principles to kill an unarmed man."
She comes to a stop just inches away from him, raises her 'sabers, and her voice is dark and dangerous. "You shouldn't have pushed me, Keeper Agruss. You made me abandon all those Jedi principles in your mine. What's one more?" For the first time, she sees real fear in his eyes, the realization of what's coming for him, and she smiles, cruel and cold. Deadly. "You shouldn't have broken me," she breathes.
And she prepares to strike.
...
Rex's heart is pounding in his throat, one thought repeating over and over: she can't do this. Never mind that he wants to see Agruss dead just as much as she does, never mind that he wants to rip every one of these slavers into a thousand pieces, he can't let her kill Agruss, can't let her be this .
He doesn't hesitate, doesn't flinch, doesn't even think lest she try to stop him. He lifts the electrostaff, takes the balance one more time. He feels steady, certain, more himself than he has in days.
He hurls the staff over Ahsoka's shoulder with all the strength left in him, so close it almost clips her headtails. It slams into Agruss, throughhim, and the slavemaster's last expression is one of surprise, murdered by one of the slaves he'd so thoroughly broken.
Rex fights the urge to laugh , hysterical and desperate. Finally .
Ahsoka turns, switching off her sabers and fixing him with a glare. He thinks, for a second, that he should be scared (and he would be, if he wasn't so tired), and he reaches out for her again, tries to project comfort and warmth. It's alright, Ahsoka, he tells her.
The guards are dead. Agruss is now too. Anakin is helping her people. He takes a step towards her, holds her gaze, presses more insistently against her shields.
(He shouldn't have pushed himself to fight so hard; everything is beginning to hurt again and he's swaying a little, dizzy.)
It still feels dangerous, but he forces actual words past a lump in his throat, hoarse and quiet. "We're safe now. You can put those away." He doesn't feel safe, but everything's silent and, for now at least, it's all over .
...
Ahsoka stares at Rex for a long moment. The anger and dark, ice-cold power whispers that he'd kept her from killing Agruss, that he'd gotten her hurt, that-
But no, that's not true. It's not. His mind still nudges very gently against hers, although tentatively, like he's nervous or unsure, and some part of her suddenly wonders just what she looks like to him.
She turns back, stares at Agruss' body. He's dead. She and Rex are the only living things in the room. "We… did it," she says, and it's almost a question.
They're out.
The anger drains away, the overwhelming rush of the Force fading too, and she clips her 'sabers to her belt, stumbling a little as her energy leaves her. Rex looks worried, and she's not quite sure why; she tilts her head to one side questioningly. "What's wrong, Rex?" (Speaking out loud still feels wrong, forbidden.)
He hesitates. "Are you okay, Soka?"
At first, she doesn't understand-why wouldn't she be okay? And then she thinks of the coldness of her anger (anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, the path to the Dark Side), the power of it-
"Oh, stars," she chokes out, feeling the blood drain from her face. Her gaze drops down to her hands, still wrapped in the bloodstained makeshift bandages. "Oh, Force. What have I done?"
...
The cold disappears faster than Rex had expected, and instead there's horror . Rex knew there would be, but it still terrifies him how fast she's suddenly falling toward panic. He can't track her thoughts really, she's not focusing on anything, and he drops the Zygerrian blaster on the floor and staggers towards her (his legs aren't cooperating but he manages to get to her anyway). He puts his arms around her and she flinches , but then latches onto him tight.
He can tell she's afraid of herself, angry at herself, and she's trembling all over. Look what I did - and the thought isn't really aimed at him at all, it's just fear and guilt - I liked killing them, I wanted them to suffer, I don't- I don't know what happened I was just angry and they're going to be so angry, they'll send me out of the Order, Anakin's going to be so disappointed, they'll say I've Fallen-
Rex doesn't know what to do , so he just holds her tighter, tries to tell her it's okay (even though it isn't, none of this is right). "You're fine now, Soka. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but it's going to be okay."
They have to leave, have to get on the Republic cruisers and get the hell out of here. Anakin and General Kenobi probably still need them - he hopes they've managed to save the colonists. But Ahsoka is panting and her mind is still running in circles and she's in no condition to be fighting again - for that matter, he's not sure he could manage it.
...
Ahsoka clutches at Rex almost desperately, closing her eyes and pressing her face into his chest. "I can be expelled from the Order for this," she murmurs into his shirt, and she feels so small, and cold in an entirely different way. "Master-he'll hate me. Rex-" and she's almost hyperventilating, her voice cutting off.
They have to go, she knows, but she's shaking and she can't breathe and she's so ashamed- how am I supposed to face him? she thinks, not entirely meaning to project it but projecting anyway. Because she really doesn't know.
She knows Rex isn't at all okay, either, and she wants to do something to help but she can't seem to stop panicking, her mind whirling. The memory of how good the power had felt sickens her, and for a moment she almost thinks she's going to vomit.
She doesn't. She has better control than that.
Rex is whispering nonsense words to her, rubbing his fingers in soothing circles on her shoulder and back, projecting calm and love; it takes a few minutes, but Ahsoka finally manages to relax a little, to drag her mind out of the vicious cycle it's stuck in. The horror and shame and guilt and pain don't go away, but they're at least muted by her extreme exhaustion. She's sick and scared and so, so lost, and she pulls back a little, reaches up and tugs Rex's forehead down to press against hers, closing her eyes and just breathing.
I'm so sorry, Rex, she thinks, feeling tears slip down her cheeks. So sorry…
They're both dizzy and swaying on their feet by the time they make it out to the landing platform where Anakin's trying to get a transport down to pick them up. Ahsoka refuses to let go of Rex, even when Anakin comes running up to her, his horrified gaze taking in the myriad of injuries across her and Rex's bodies. She sees the way his eyes go from the burns on their necks to the wicked lash-marks on her headtails, to the bloodstained fabric wrapped around her hands, and he burns with rage so intense she can feel it in the ambient Force. He takes a single step towards her with that anger in his eyes and she can't help it-she flinches.
Anakin freezes. "Snips?" he whispers, and his voice is raw with pain and confusion and hurt.
"Not now, General," Rex manages, "please, sir."
Anakin doesn't understand, but he nods, gestures to the transport. There are a few clones inside, members of the Wolfpack, Ahsoka thinks; she clings to Rex, curls small into his side as they sit on the floor, and hides in his head.
(Not that his head is much better than hers, at the moment.)
They meet up with the Resolute above the planet-which Ahsoka learns is called Kadavo-and as soon as they dock she's nearly overwhelmed by what feels like half the battalion. It's really just Kix and Jesse and Fives and Tup, and a few others, but she still shrinks back against Rex and watches with wide eyes.
She doesn't feel safe, even among her own men, and she hates it.
Kix doesn't even say a word, just looks at her and then at Rex, and then closes his eyes. But she knows he's going to drag them both off to the medbay as soon as possible, and there's something she needs to know first, so she turns to Anakin.
"Master?" she asks, hesitant, trying to pretend she doesn't stumble over the word (knowing he of all people notices the almost imperceptible jerk). "What happened to the colonists? There's-someone I have to thank."
"I can have Master Plo deliver a message for you?" Anakin offers.
Ahsoka nods, carefully, so that the whole ship doesn't start spinning. (She knows Kix can tell, because the pained lines on his face just deepen.) "Have him-tell Ahsri thank you. From me."
Her Master nods once, solemn, understanding. "I will, Snips. You and Rex need to go with Kix, now, okay?"
"Okay," she whispers.
She only makes it halfway to the medbay before she passes out.
...
Rex can't look at his men. He's too ashamed, and he doesn't want to see the pity and fear in their eyes. Fives tries to talk to him on the way to the medbay, and Rex clings to one-word answers until Fives falls silent.
He keeps one arm around Ahsoka's shoulders, supporting her, keeping her close. Everything feels like too much after days in the pit; it's all durasteel and bright lights and the concerned voices of his brothers and he finds himself still expecting to hear screaming.
When Ahsoka passes out he almost, almost panics, except Kix is right there, offering his support. Rex doesn't want to let go of her (even though he's just not strong enough to carry her), but Kix says, "I have her, Captain," and he makes himself let Kix heft her gently into his arms.
He's staggering himself, but he takes steady, deliberate steps so his men won't worry (they're already worried, he knows that, but he pushes himself anyway because he can't let them know how bad it really is).
"Captain, what happened down there?" Tup asks quietly, and Rex swallows, makes himself walk faster.
"It doesn't matter, Tup," he growls. He can't talk about it, not now, not today. He just wants to rest and sleep.
"We have your armor and blacks," Jesse says, awkwardly, and Rex nods. He wants his armor back, wants to feel safe again.
"Thanks."
Kix lays Ahsoka down in the medbay, and immediately half a dozen medical droids and a few clones surround her. It's all Rex can do not to run to her, chase them away.
"I want you on a bunk, now," Kix tells him, and his friend sounds weary and anxious.
Rex nods, tiredly walks across the room and sits down on one of the bunks. He doesn't want to lay down, it's too vulnerable, but Kix gives him a look and he obeys. "I'm sorry, Kix," Rex manages (he's so tired and it finally catches up to him, the exhaustion and pain and relief), trying not to tremble too much.
Kix's jaw tightens and he nods. "You're fine, Captain."
Rex drifts off on his own, vaguely worried about Kix as he loses consciousness.
...
Ahsoka snaps awake all at once, though general awareness is slow to return; someone's moving around by her, and she can't feel Rex beside her, and-
The person touches her.
"No!" she yelps, flinging them away with the Force (where is she where's Rex did they kill him is this some new punishment), and she scrambles from the strange bed-crashes to the floor in a tangle of tubes and electronics-frantically pushes herself into the nearest corner. "Rex?"
Rex! she shouts desperately, her heart pounding a rhythm in her chest like it's about to burst free. She can't seem to get a breath, can't focus, and she's speaking and using the Force and she flinches, swallows a scream.
Her whole body hurts and she waits for the whip, for her collar, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean it please don't," and she realizes she's babbling but she can't stop.
Where's Rex?
...
Kix gets up, fast, and runs around the bunk to try and get Ahsoka calmed down and back in bed. She scrambles away from him and huddles in the corner, calling suddenly and loudly for Rex.
She's hyperventilating and her eyes aren't focusing on anything. Kix crouches in front of her, feeling overwhelmed.
He's a field medic, he doesn't know what to do for this. "Commander Tano? Ahsoka. Listen to me, I need you to breathe."
She just backs further against the wall, and Kix doesn't dare reach out to her. He'll scare her more and maybe get himself tossed across the room again and that would be bad.
She starts apologizing , something about "I didn't mean it please don't."
What happened to them ?
"Rex is fine , Commander. He's just sleeping."
He wants to ground her, because if she can register where she is he could get her back in her bunk and do something for her injuries. Right now he's worried she's making everything worse.
(He's never seen her like this and hopes he never has to again.)
"How about if you breathe with me, we can get you a bunk closer to Rex," he says gently.
...
It takes a few moments for the word Commander to register, but it finally does; so does the instant the person talking to her ( talking, not going for a whip) mentions Rex. He says Rex is sleeping, but if that's so then where? Rex is supposed to be with her.
At her back.
And then Ahsoka realizes it's Kix, in front of her, memory returning in a flash, and she lets out a soft sound and hides her face in her torn up hands. "I'm-I'm sorry, Kix," she chokes out, shoulders shaking. "I-threw you across the room?"
The medic nods, although he looks pleased (or maybe just relieved she's not crazy) that she recognizes him. "Don't worry about it, Commander," he says, carefully casual. "Let's get you back in bed."
He extends one hand and she can't help but flinch. "Please-I need to see Rex," she tells him, and she's almost begging but she doesn't care. "Please, Kix." He still looks unsure about her reactions and she swallows. "They had shock collars on us and we couldn't talk or stop or anything," she murmurs, tries not to cry. "They used Rex and I against each other." And now she thinks he understands a little more. "Please let me see him?"
...
Rex!
Her shout echoes across the pit and he spins, even though he can't, shouldn't. She's been grabbed by the Zygerrians and they shove her onto her knees, press an electrostaff against her throat.
"Ahsoka!" He pushes himself to run to her when suddenly his collar activates, sends him to his knees, and he can't move. He doesn't even try to stop it, just lets the screams rip out of him, lets blackness take him.
He can't do it and he doesn't care.
When Ahsoka tells him just that smallest thing about their experience, Kix thinks this is all far, far worse than he'd thought. But he stands, helps her to her feet, and nods. "Of course you can see him, Commander. You can have a bunk next to his if you promise not to wake him." They'll have to switch over all the equipment but he needs her at least somewhat calm if he's going to be able to work.
"Okay. Thank you, Kix," Ahsoka says. She sounds exhausted and ashamed, and won't meet his eyes. Kix takes her over to his Captain's bunk, has her sit down on the nearest bed. Rex seems to be having a nightmare and Kix wishes he could stop it; Rex needs rest and their nightmares don't help. But it will pass, and hopefully Rex will sleep for at least a few more hours. He wishes he could get Ahsoka to sleep longer but that seems unlikely now.
...
Ahsoka's jerked out of the present by Rex's nightmare echoing against her, insistent and sharp. She stares at his sleeping form-the lines in his face-knows Kix won't be happy, but-
"I can help," she says, doesn't explain, and closes her eyes, reaching for his mind.
Rex? She slips into his mind, projecting warmth and love and reassurance and calm, gently bleeding away the nightmare. Rex, it's a dream. We're safe now. I'm safe. We're free.
(She swallows back her shame at the realization that her panicked mental shout for him seemed to trigger part of the nightmare.)
...
When Rex wakes up, it takes him a moment to recognize where he is, and he's afraid to move, barely wants to open his eyes. Where is he, where's Ahsoka, what is this?
Then he starts to open his eyes and sit up and a firm hand pushes him back down . He tenses, but he blinks sleep out of his eyes and it's Kix, frowning at him. "Don't you dare, sir," the medic says, shaking his head.
Rex stays down, and as Kix pulls his hand away from his shoulder and steps away, Rex cranes his head and starts to ask where Ahsoka is - but Kix is working on her now. There are medical droids hovering over her too, but he thinks Kix is doing most of the work himself. He realizes, with a strangely strong surge of relief, that he's out of his old clothes and boots and in a sleep shirt and pants.
"We're taking you both to Coruscant," Kix says, sounding exhausted . "I don't have the equipment here to deal with all those burns."
"Is she okay?" Rex asks, and Kix snorts bitterly.
"No she's not, and neither are you, so lay still and don't mess up your bandages."
Rex could almost have smiled except that Kix isn't joking, isn't even trying to.
"General Skywalker says they're going to want to debrief you both," Kix adds. "As soon as possible. But I don't think he's going to let them."
Rex can't stop a relieved sigh at that - he doesn't want to talk about this mission with anyone. Not unless it means they'll listen to him and go destroy the Zygerrian empire, which he doesn't think they will.
"Kriff, Captain," and Kix pauses what he's doing for a moment and turns, and Rex automatically looks away because looking Kix in the eye would be too hard, "What did they… I'm sorry. What happened? "
Rex wishes people would stop asking him that. "I told you already, it doesn't matter ," he growls.
"It kind of does, Captain. But fine, you don't have to tell me. Just… everyone's really worried."
They can keep their karking worry, he doesn't want it.
...
She drifts, on waves of painkillers and the Force.
Familiar voices are murmuring somewhere above her, but she doesn't care, can't care. They aren't Rex.
She wants Rex.
"Rex?" she whispers, the word burning her dry throat. He's supposed to be here, with her. She needs him here. Needs her anchor. Rex, where are you?
She doesn't want to open her eyes. She's afraid of what she'll see.
...
Rex and Kix both hear Ahsoka's small whisper and turn to her, and Rex automatically sends reassurance her way, an easy, I'm right here.
"Please don't move, Commander," Kix asks. "We're trying to get your hands taken care of."
Ahsoka opens her eyes and nods, and Rex has to make an effort not to get up and go over to her; the last thing Kix needs is him ignoring his orders.
Are you okay? he thinks, and he feels she's very out of it and tired.
Fine . She shifts on her bunk and Rex knows that Kix is giving her a Look.
He says we're going back to Coruscant , Rex tells her. His head hurts and he wants to ask Kix for more painkillers. He hopes the idea will be comforting to her; the Temple (her home) is there, and proper healers.
She doesn't quite seem to register that, or else doesn't care, because her response is the mental equivalent of a sigh.
She feels warm , and he reaches for the feeling, however slight, tries to wrap himself in it. He's too empty, hollowed out and tired.
(She's still scared and cold in the back of her mind, and he pretends he doesn't notice because he doesn't want her thinking about that again.)
He's almost dozing again when the med bay doors slide open and General Skywalker comes in, so tense and controlled Rex knows he's furious . He makes himself lie still, never mind that he suddenly feels like he isn't safe . This is his General, he reminds himself. He's fine. This is all fine .
...
Love you, Rex, Ahsoka sends, feeling the emptiness inside him mirror the hollow in her own self. She tries to fill him with all the love and warmth and good things she can.
Anakin comes in, his anger echoing in the Force, and she instinctively flinches away before realizing just who it is. "Master," she murmurs, tries not to choke on the word, "can you please be less angry?"
She feels rather than sees the way he stares at her, and the fury grows for a moment before she can feel him breathing it out, slowly. "Sure, Snips," he says, coming closer to her bunk. "How're you feeling?"
Ahsoka hums a little. "Like I'm floating," she says, almost lazily, and hears Kix whisper I've got her on heavy painkillers in the background.
"I'm going to need some of those for the headache this whole mission is giving me," Anakin says. "We're taking you and Rex to the Temple." His voice softens. "They're going to want to know what happened, Snips-"
"No!" Ahsoka doesn't mean to shout, but she jerks away from him. "No! I can't, I won't-"
"Commander, please," Kix says, half-strangled. "General Skywalker, sir, if you upset her you'll have to leave."
"Easy, Snips," and Anakin lightly brushes her mind, projecting calm. "You don't have to tell them anything, but if you told me a little bit I could tide the Council over until you're ready to debrief."
She's shaking, and the raw hatred in her voice scares her more than she can admit. "Tell them to burn the whole kriffing thing down."
...
Rex almost sits bolt upright when Ahsoka panics, and it's only Kix's obvious distress that stops him. He pushes warmth and calm at Ahsoka, feels General Skywalker doing the same thing (and that is odd, for a second he feels Anakin's mind and it's different and strange and yet familiar).
He feels her hatred resurfacing, icy despite her words. Burn it down.
He finds himself agreeing, wants to see it too. Send the whole planet up in flames, he doesn't care, just make sure no one else ends up as a slave to them again, ever.
(Part of him wants every stinking Zygerrian wiped out but he at least has enough presence of mind to know that's dangerous, wrong.)
"Ahsoka…" Anakin glances at Kix, then over at Rex, like he's looking for help. "I'm sorry," he says, running his hand through his hair. "Just… something?" He smiles, tries to joke. "You know, something they won't expel me from the Council room for saying?"
Rex could tell the Council a thing or two, if they'd ever let him. This whole mission was their fault, and they deserve to hear about it, hear what a terrible mistake they made. What they pushed one of their own to endure (and he's not even sure what happened to Anakin and General Kenobi). But he doesn't really want them knowing the extent of it either.
...
Ahsoka glances over at Rex, swallowing, reaches for his mind and some semblance of comfort. She doesn't want to say anything at all, knows how Anakin will react (not good). But…
"The mine was designed to break people," she whispers, her throat gone dry. "Agruss turned the system into a way to break Jedi. They used the colonists against us. If we-messed up, they punished the others. And we couldn't help them or they just got punished more. Everything was our fault ." For a moment, she's back there, swallowing bile as she has to ignore another slave being whipped and shocked even though they can't get up, and she's shaking-maybe this is all an elaborate dream, maybe she's still there in the pit-
(She can feel Anakin reaching for her mind, but she shoves him aside, instead almost desperately reaching out for Rex, for reassurance they're safe.)
...
Hearing it out loud is hard . Rex doesn't want to think about all of it again - he finds himself withdrawing into his thoughts, and it doesn't help that Ahsoka's mind is suddenly full of vivid memories. She's drowning in them and he's careful not to get pulled down too - when she reaches out for him he grabs tight, floods her with all the gentleness he can find, peace and calm.
We're fine, 'Soka, he promises.
He's relieved to find it helps a lot; she seems more grounded after a moment and Rex keeps in contact with her mind so he won't slip himself.
He refocuses on the room and General Skywalker and finds that his General is staring at him, and if everything were less terrible Rex would laugh at the look on his face. "Um… Snips," Anakin says, looking at Ahsoka. "Are you aware you've bonded with Rex?"
This time Rex gives up on laying still. He pushes himself up onto his elbows, and Kix turns around like he knows, sighs. "For kriff's sake, Captain."
It hurts, but not as much as Rex had feared. Painkillers are good.
"I…" Ahsoka looks genuinely shocked, and she glances at Rex. He's not really sure what's going on, but from the looks on their faces it's probably something serious. "Well… That would explain a lot, actually."
General Skywalker swears, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "How did you even do that?"
"I don't know," Ahsoka says, a little defensively, and she starts to sit up too except Kix pushes her back down, grumbling under his breath.
"All due respect, General," Rex says, drawing their attention back to him. "But what the kriff are you talking about?"
Anakin sighs, clears his throat, and Rex feels a flicker of amusement at his evident discomfort. "Um, well there's this thing called a Force bond, Rex."
"Yeah, I heard that, sir."
"It's like… a connection between the minds of two people. Ahsoka and I have one, because she's my Padawan. But it's not really… Well, you and Ahsoka seem to have made a bond."
Rex feels Ahsoka's oddly nervous about that, and he's not sure why - although he doesn't exactly know how he's supposed to react to that anyway. "Okay," he says. "And?"
His General snorts, shrugs. "I don't know, Rex, that doesn't really happen. You're not even a Force sensitive."
Rex automatically nudges at Ahsoka's mind, trying to figure out how she feels about all this. It sounds like a very personal thing, this Force bond, and it also sounds like it's existence is an accident. He doesn't want to be connected to her mind if it makes things a problem, or if she thinks it's too intimate.
He finds the concept doesn't bother him - he thinks it will take time to figure out what he's even feeling about it, but if that's what they've been sharing for the past few days, he thinks he might be grateful .
...
A Force bond?
It's not what Ahsoka had expected Anakin to say, but thinking back over the past few days she realizes the clues were there all along. How easy it was (and still is) to talk to him, the way Rex-a non-sensitive, a null-can reach for her without her initiating the contact, the way he could feel the Force when it answered her call. And she realizes she wants this, wants to keep this tie that glows so strongly between them. It's personal, yes, it's intimate; she thinks this bond is even deeper than the training bond she has with Anakin.
And then she freezes, because Rex might not want this. She didn't give him a choice, after all, just formed this bond (however she managed that). And he's such a private person, he values his privacy so much-maybe this is invasive, uncomfortable to him.
She's surprised to find that the idea of breaking the bond that's been her lifeline sends sheer panic through her, but she tries to muffle that, to let Rex choose.
Are you okay with this? She tries to keep the question carefully neutral. She looks at Anakin. "The Council won't approve, will they?"
Anakin grimaces, and that's all the answer she needs. "But if you want to keep it, they don't have to know. I won't tell."
Ahsoka looks at Rex, waiting.
...
Rex is very careful when he answers her unspoken question, goes ahead and says it out loud, "It was useful," he says, hesitantly. "Being able to communicate when we couldn't speak." And I think I… like being that close to you , he admits to her only, hopes she feels the same.
There's a warm agreement that feels like a promise. She wants this too, wants to stay connected to him in this intense way. He doesn't even understand that, for a moment.
Anakin catches his eye and actually smirks a little, and Rex looks away, suddenly embarrassed. "It's settled then. I don't have to tell them anything about it." His General shifts from foot to foot, and he probably has to leave, but then he glances over at Rex. "Did you… is there anything I should tell them about your experience?"
Rex grits his teeth. "They did the same thing to me as Ahsoka." He can't keep an angry tremor out of his voice. "You can tell them if they don't deal with the Zygerrians, I'm taking all the battalions that will follow me and I'm doing it myself ." He's avoided making waves after Umbara, but kark it, he knows if the other clones hear about Kadavo and the slaves on Zygerria, they'll follow him. He doesn't care if this makes the Jedi think he's a threat. The battalions are more his than they are theirs, and this is important.
General Skywalker's eyes go hard, and he nods. "I'd go with you." He smiles, and it isn't a real smile, just a baring of teeth. "I'll tell them." Then he reaches out, gently touches Ahsoka's shoulder. "I'm here if you need me, Snips, you know that. Get better, please."
"If you're done here, General," Kix says, turning and fixing Rex with a withering stare so he lays back down, "Tell me you're going to get some kind of medical attention."
"I don't need it," Anakin says, and Kix scowls, crossing his arms.
"That isn't up to you."
Ahsoka frowns at Anakin too, and between her and Kix's disapproval, General Skywalker throws up his hands. " Shavit , fine." He strides away, grumbling to himself.
Kix has Ahsoka's hands stitched up and has bandaged some of Rex's more serious injuries by the time they dock in Coruscant, and it's he, Jesse, Fives, and Dogma who get the two of them to their new beds, more or less scaring off any medical droids or nurses who try to take over. Rex is grateful for them because moving into new surroundings has him flinching at most sounds, unwilling to look at any of them again because he knows right now it's still obvious he's not right .
He's supposed to be their Captain, but he doesn't know how to go back to that. He can't believe, somehow, that they're sticking so close when he's failed them.
They don't know yet , part of him says. When they find out what you did they'll abandon you, and you will deserve it .
He projects calm he doesn't feel towards Ahsoka, because he thinks she's struggling more than he is with all the people .
The doctors try to give them separate rooms, but before he's even registered Ahsoka's immediate rush of panic (which matches his own), Kix is shutting that down. "You want them in the same space, trust me on this." One of the nurses tries to say something about what would you know and Kix just snaps. He informs her, in the iciest voice Rex has heard from him in a long time, that he knows his Captain and Commander and this is what will help them and if they don't listen to him, they'll regret it. Rex is grateful, although he feels undeserving of a defense that fierce.
They're settled into their new room and Rex watches his men go, wishing he could ask them to stay, but the medics don't want even Kix around.
Only Ahsoka's presence keeps him from flinching every time the medics move where he can't see them, and when they give him more painkillers and start working on his neck , it's just a soothing thought from her that keeps him from curling in on himself, away from their hands.
...
Ahsoka isn't sure how long the doctors work on them, the first day; she knows they're in the Temple, if only because of the way the ambient Force feels, serene and peaceful and calm, flowing gently about her mind in quiet waves. The Force is stronger here, and the collective presence of so many Jedi mean its very essence is imbued with Light. She clings to that Light, lets it fill her, soothe her weary spirit. Rex can't feel it the same way she can, but she still opens her mind to him, giving him a chance to feel the warm, comforting aspect of the Light.
He doesn't really say much, but he seems at least to find some small measure of peace, and so she starts opening her mind to him whenever she meditates.
She likes to think it helps.
Bacta and bandages are applied to the more minor wounds, but for the worst injuries (like the burns on her headtails and on both their necks, and the shrapnel wounds on her hands) the doctors actually call in a Jedi to heal them. Ahsoka's informed that there's likely to be some lasting nerve damage in her hands, that she might find it difficult to hold her 'sabers properly.
(She thinks back to the control room on Kadavo and very privately thinks she doesn't see any damage at all.)
She still flinches when anyone moves suddenly, doesn't like being touched by anyone other than Rex, and it still seems wrong, taboo almost, to talk aloud.
And she's still haunted by the feeling of power the Dark Side had given her.
(She tries not to feel like she's trapped, here in this little room in the Temple; tries not to feel like she's still a slave-just a slave for the Republic, the Jedi, instead of the Zygerrians. She tries to remember Rex's promise to wipe out the Zygerrian empire and cling to that: as soon as they're able, she and Rex will make sure no one else suffers this way.
She tries, and mostly, she fails.)
It only takes her one night to decide sleeping alone isn't going to be an option.
Ahsoka wakes, panicking, from a nightmare in which she and Rex are back on Kadavo, but instead of Togrutans, her fellow slaves are the men of the 501st; she tries to help them and only gets them hurt, and so she stops trying, and she hears them say, it's okay, Commander, we understand, you are a Jedi after all.
She doesn't scream, when she wakes, but that's only because she can't get enough breath in her lungs to make a sound. Kicking the blankets off and sitting up, she swings her legs over the edge of the bed, pushes herself to her feet and pads across the room to Rex's bed. Her Captain is awake, she sees when she makes it there (her legs are still weak, still sore).
Hello, she sends, smiles a little.
Hello, Soka, he responds. Nightmares?
She nods, glances down at the empty space on the narrow bunk. Yeah. Do you mind if-
In answer, Rex scoots back and flips up the blankets, patting the mattress. I had a nightmare, too, he admits. I'm not used to sleeping without you.
Neither am I. She doesn't feel safe, closing her eyes without his presence at her back. She feels him echoing those thoughts, faintly-they keep their bond closed down during the day, to try and hide it better from the Jedi healers. But now, still shaking, scared and sad and too cold (the cold of the Dark Side still lingers in her bones, in the back of her mind, and she can't quite shake it), Ahsoka reaches for the comfort of Rex's mind, opening the bond up wide as she slides into the bed next to him. I love you, Rexter.
He smiles at her, his eyes soft and tender, and lifts one hand to brush his fingers across the white markings on her cheek and forehead. I love you too, Soka. My Jedi.
She closes her eyes, leans into his touch; he runs his hand down her shoulder and arm, finally wrapping it around her and tugging her against his chest.
She has no more dreams that night.
When the nurse comes in the next morning to wake them up, she seems… confused, to say the least, and more than a little bit wary. Ahsoka doesn't bother to explain the nightmares, the reason she'd crawled in with Rex in the first place, just obediently returns to her own bed.
It becomes a routine-she stops even trying to fall asleep on her own, just curls up with Rex every night, because kriff the consequences, she needs him, and he needs her too. And maybe she can't ever tell the Jedi she loves him, maybe they'll have to keep this a secret (maybe she's not really cut out to be a Jedi after all), but this is worth it. She knows that, as surely as she knows her own name.
She's been broken, she knows, but Rex is the glue holding all her shattered edges together. Separate, they are fractured shards, jagged edges, sharp and bloody. But together?
Together, they are whole.
Fin