Soval

He stands in front of the seething fields of lava that millennia of Vulcans have looked upon before him and tries to ignore the slight headache behind his eyes. He has been too long on Earth and now finds it requires some time for his biology to adjust to the thinner atmosphere of the planet he was born to. He turns to the man next to him, impassively staring out over the vista. It is unusual for humans not to have an emotional response to the sight of the Fire Plains, he wonders what is troubling Admiral Forrest.

"Do you have an ulterior motive for your suggestion that we visit the Fire Plains, Admiral?"

Forrest turns and looks at him with a twist to his mouth. "Ambassador, I know relations between our two species have been... troubled, but I would like you to know I consider you a friend.

Soval raises an eyebrow in response to this and considers his reply. "Vulcan's do not form friendships in manner that humans do Admiral, but I also consider you a valued colleague."

Forrest does not break his gaze on the scenery but nods his head in response to Soval words. "What I am about to reveal to you is considered sensitive intelligence and it has been disseminated, even within Starfleet, on a need-to-know basis only." As he says it he hands a PADD to Soval. "As part of my mission here, I was tasked with briefing T'Pol on this information, which is specifically relevant to her. However, given the... personal nature of the material I believe it may be more appropriate for her to hear this from another Vulcan. Someone who is more attuned to Vulcan culture and any implications there within."

Intrigued, Soval opens the PADD and begins to review the data contained within. Forrest finally turns from the vista and regards the Vulcan dispassionately while he reads. After a few minutes the Ambassador's eyes widen and he looks up at the human with a raised eyebrow.

Forrest gives a wry smile in return. "As you can see, it is somewhat explosive in nature."

"I assume Mr Tucker had also been informed of this?" Soval asks as reads on further.

Forrest turns back to the Fire Plains. "Yes, we have sent some people from Starfleet Intelligence to brief him."

Soval nods. "You are correct in your reasoning, Admiral, that this information is better delivered by another Vulcan. Am I correct in my deduction that you do not want the High Command to be made aware of this material."

"I hope that's not a problem for you Soval, Earth/Vulcan relations have suffered enough without this hanging between us as well."

Soval considers the request. He can see no logical reason to inform the High Command. As their motivations have been too obscure over resent years, he realises he cannot predict what they would do with such information. He is also not entirely certain that, if they did act in response to it, it would be in the best interest of Vulcan or T'Pol. "I consider this a personal matter to T'Pol and Mr Tucker. The High Command would obtain no benefit from being privy to this information."

"Thank you, Soval. I really appreciate your help, and your discretion."

"You should return to the Embassy, Admiral. I will take some time to review the contents of this report and make an appointment to present it to T'Pol this afternoon. We can meet again tomorrow for the joint talks"

Forrest takes a breath. "There is also a letter for T'Pol, a formal apology from Starfleet, and an offer of a commission if she still wants it."

Soval turns off the PADD and conceals it in the sleeves of his robes. "I believe the gesture will be appreciated by T'Pol, however her personal circumstances have changed since returning to Vulcan, it is unlikely she will accept the offer."

"I guess that's not unexpected. I'll see you tomorrow, Soval" Admiral Forrest turns to leave the lookout but stops suddenly and turns back to Soval. "Live long and prosper, Ambassador."

"Peace and long life, Admiral." Soval replies with a nod.

He takes out the PADD again and opens up the picture of the doomed infant. It is hard to believe something so innocent could have been considered a threat. He wonders what potential lay in the combined genes of her extraordinary parents. What she could have been capable of if she had had the chance to breathe.

XXX

T'Pol

She greets the Ambassador at the door, managing to maintain her Vulcan equanimity while doing so. She was surprised by the request from Soval to see her and was immediately suffused with irrepressible hope and crushing anxiety. She is convinced he has news of Trip and does not know whether his decision to impart the news in person signals a negative or positive outcome for her. She has meditated since receiving his call, hoping to prepare herself for whatever emotion his news will provoke in her. Nonetheless, she is completely caught of guard by what he reveals.

She sits in her mother's common room staring at the photo of the child and not even trying to contain the emotions that are coursing through her. She notes the pointed ears and greenish tint to the child's skin but it is impossible to know the colour of her hair or eyes. She finds herself hoping, irrationally, that she is blonde with blue eyes. She knows logically that it does not matter what this dead child looks like but cannot stop herself looking for signs of the father in the daughter.

She can hear her mother explaining to Soval the incident a month before, the confusion of the severed bond with no apparent lost child. She can even identify Soval's surprise that a bond had formed with a child conceived in such unusual circumstances.

She is still unable to grasp at just what she is feeling about this child she has lost before she even knew it existed. She thumbs through the information on the PADD as if it will reveal something to her of what she should feel right now. The letter catches her eye. She briefly entertains the idea of accepting the commission, returning to Earth, looking for Trip herself. She knows it is not possible, not right now. She pushes back on the fear. She can do it without him, she has to.

Then the analysis of the genome catches her attention, blue eyes, like her father. She is not even aware of the tear that has rolled down her face and splashed on the screen of the PADD until her mother and Soval fall silent. She looks up at them, expecting to see the disgust her emotions would usually engender in other Vulcans. She sees only sympathy, even the most disciplined Vulcan would grieve for a lost child.

"I believe you should meditate, child." Soval tells her quietly. "This is a profound loss, I grieve with thee."

She nods, trance like, and departs the room. It does not even register that she has not farewelled the Ambassador. She lights her candle and settles into the meditation cushion, but ignores the flame, looking instead at the image of the child. She wonders if Trip knows. At the thought she is overcome with a terrible emptiness, they should grieve this loss together. She opens her mind and feels him at the edge of her consciousness. She slips into her meditative space hoping to draw him in as well. She needs him now, like she needs to breathe.

XXX

Trip

He looks at the photo on the PADD and looks up at the two Starfleet officers standing in his living room and has a strange feeling, like the ground is dropping away underneath him.

"How long has Starfleet known about this?"

The taller of the two officers starts to talk "The theft of the genetic material took place before the Enterprise departed for the expanse last year but was discovered in May this year, the existence of the hybrid wa..."

"Baby, she was a baby." Trip snaps at them. He can feel a stinging behind his eyes at thought of it; his child, his daughter, his and T'Pol's.

"The existence of the child was discovered last month during the raid on the Terra Prime cell on the Orpheus Mining Facility, on the moon." The officer continues in a slightly softer tone.

"What happened to her, how did she die?"

Both the officers shift uncomfortably. "She was not full term at the time of the raid, but was being gestated in an artificial womb. During the raid, power was inadvertently cut to her life support systems."

"So she would have survived if the moon raid hadn't happened?"

"She would have probably made it to term, but the exobiologists who examined her genome found deliberate errors had been introduced during the cloning process. They believe it is unlikely she would have survived more than six months."

Trip rubs a hand over his eyes and sits down on the sofa. It feels like the pain just never stops coming. Lizzy, T'Pol, even Lorian and now this, this baby, that was somehow his and T'Pol's. It doesn't make sense. "Why us, why me and T'Pol."

"We are uncertain what their motivation was for creating the hyb... the infant. Genetic material of all the senior human officers from Enterprise was taken along with Sub-Commander T'Pol's. For some reason your genome was the only one they were successfully able to combine with Sub-Commander T'Pol's."

He wonders if that is significant, if he and T'Pol are somehow more compatible that other humans and Vulcans. He pushes the thought away as soon as he has it. He can't afford to get caught up in pointless deliberations like that.

He doesn't know what to do now. Does he grieve for this child that was somehow his and T'Pol's that neither of them had any say in creating or does he just push it aside. For a moment he wishes he would go back to this morning when he didn't know about her. Then he realises what a pointless thought that is. He still believed he had lost everything worth having this morning, he just didn't know exactly what everything was.

He looks up at the two Starfleet officers, who obviously drew some kind of cosmic short straw resulting in them to be ones who had to come and tell him this. "Is there anything else I need to know about this?" He asks. He needs them gone so he can curl up and have a good cry about the cruel universe that keeps on taunting him with the possibility of children with T'Pol, then snatching them away.

The two officers glance at each other and take a breath. God, what else do they have to tell him.

Finally the older man loses some kind of battle of wills over who will be the messenger. "Mr Tucker, we are obligated to remind you that you are still bound by the confidentiality clauses in your contract from you tenure with Starfleet. Knowledge of this child has been disseminated on a need-to-know basis. Your being read into this file was initiated on the basis of your genetic link with the... infant. As a former officer of Starfleet you are prohibited from discussing this matter with any unauthorised person as per Starfleet Regulation 86.7."

Trip stared up at them with his mouth hanging open. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. You're telling me I can't talk about my own daughter with anyone I please."

Both me look suitable contrite. "I'm sorry Mr Tucker, I realise this must be difficult to hear. Sub-Commander T'Pol is also being briefed. You are permitted to discuss it with her."

Rage finally gets the better of him. "Well wouldn't that be just dandy. I can call her up on Vulcan, can't I. Imagine how that would go? 'Well hey there T'Pol, did you hear about our baby that Starfleet killed. By the way, how's your new husband?' Wouldn't that be a nice chat between two ex-colleagues?"

The two men twist their mouths and look down. Trip feels a stab of guilt. It's not their fault and it isn't fair to shoot the messenger. But they are here, representing Starfleet, and he just can't help but feel Starfleet has betrayed him all over again.

"Once again, I am very sorry." The two men glance at each other again. "We'll see ourselves out, Mr Tucker."

He doesn't even hear the door close.

He looks down at the photo of the child again, he traces the tip of one of her delicate pointed ears with his finger. He hits a command on the PADD and sends the photo through to his printer, collects the print from the machine and goes into his bedroom. He picks up Lizzy's Vokau, that T'Pol had made for him, the only personal item of his in the room, in the whole house, and flips it over. The note from T'Pol is still attached to back. He folds the photo of his daughter and tucks it behind the note to join a photo of him and Lorian, that Hess took in Engineering and a press photo of him with T'Pol, taken after they just got back from the expanses.

He collapses more than sits down on the bed and puts the Vokau back on the bedside table. He realises that one day he will die and someone will come across this little shrine to his lost Vulcan family, that he never really had. He wonders what they will make of it. He does not even consider the possibility that this hypothetical person will be a child or grandchild of his own. He is not really able to imagine a way back to T'Pol and has subconsciously dismissed the possibility of having a family without her.

He lays back on the bed, fully clothed, but lacking the motivation to change into his sleep gear. He's pretty sure he won't sleep anyway. When he finds himself in the white space he realises he doesn't even remember closing his eyes.

He sees her immediately, sitting in her meditation position. He takes a moment just to absorb the feeling of completeness that comes from being near her again, the feeling that the cloud like dreams always imparted. She looks different, her hair is longer, but her face is softer somehow And she has tears streaming down her face. The feeling of the space is grief, he is enveloped in a fog of loss. He feels his own tears spill over and run down his face. She looks up and sees him.

In one smooth movement she is on her feet and in his arms, her face pressed against his neck. He can feel her tears mingling with his own and collecting in the hollow above his clavicle. They don't say anything, there is nothing that can be said. How do you verbalise the pain of losing something you didn't even know you had. So he pulls her closer and kisses the top of her hair and doesn't consider, even for a minute, that this not real and that she is not really here.

There is no time in this place. They hold each other for a moment and a lifetime, and grieve silently together for all they have lost. And, when it's over and he returns to his cold, empty life, for some reason, even though he knows it was just a dream, it feels a little bit easier to breathe.

XXX