Peeta was working the front end of the Bakery today, his mom had decided that he was being too slow, and she didn't want him slowing down production. When really she just wanted to head over to her friends to gossip so she needed someone to take over her place. She never fond of the job, so she often made up excuses to leave during the to hang among her awful friends. They would tell gossip about all the merchants, and say horrible thing about people from the Seam. He never seen their view on the people who lived in the Seam. To him they were just like anyone else. They were all fighting to survive District 12.
He was quite nervous about being in the front, he hadn't work there since his return home. Everyone had been different towards him since he came home from the games, some even would turn the other way when they seen him. If they would do that on the streets who is to say they wouldn't avoid the bakery with him in the front. And the last thing he wanted was for the bakery to suffer because of him. Unfortunately you didn't say no to his mother if you knew what was good for you. The last thing he wanted was for her to show her wrath. He may be bigger and stronger then her, it didn't mean he wasn't afraid of her. He knew first hand what she was capable of. He had been bruised, battered, broken at her hands too many times to count.
The bell to the front door rings, as someone walks through it. "Oh Peeta, how are you dear?" Mrs. Mosley said as she walks towards the counter.
"I'm good," he said, faking a smile like he had done many times before. Being from this family he had gotten good at it. It was one of the reason he was able to act for an audience during his time in the Capital, "What can I get you?"
"I would like 6 dinner rolls," she said. Peeta grabbed a paper bag, and turned his back to her, as he placed the rolls in the bag. "I'm surprise you still work here. I mean it's not like you need the money. Its no wonder you seam girlfriend is running around with that Hawthorne boy."
Peeta started to tense up, he tried to breath, to calm down. He didn't want to show his pain here. He knew that Katniss wasn't his, but hurt to know that all of District 12 was laughing at him. "Here's your rolls. That will be $3," handing them to her.
"If I were you, I would let that Seam brat go. If she's hanging with that boy, it means that she's going to the slag heap with him. I mean he's well known there. This is why town folks like us shouldn't socialize with people from the Seam, they're nothing but trash."
It took everything in Peeta not to hit Mrs. Mosley. She had no right to talk about Katniss like that, let alone people from the Seam. Just because they were poor didn't mean they weren't human, and deserved some respect. He was tired of how ignorant some people could be. He would let other talk about her that way, "Katniss, and Gale are just friends, nothing more."
"You are naive if you really think that. The girl used you to get home to that boy. You're really too sweet for your own good," she smiled. She handed him the money, "You know my girl Sabella is your age, and I'm sure she would love to go out with you."
Peeta wanted to scream. First she decides to rub the fact that Katniss is always with Gale in his face, then puts down everyone from the Seam, and now has the nerve to push her daughter on him. He rather be alone then date someone whose family had no heart for the less fortunate. "I'm sorry I'm not interested."
Her eyes bulged out, "You should be lucky that anyone would be interested in dating you after what happened in those games. I mean you did murder someone. I'll leave you to think about it," she smirked, as she left the bakery.
Peeta started to hyperventilate. He grabbed a paper bag and began to breath into it. Yet another person who thought he wasn't worth loving. She probably only wanted her daughter to be with him for his money. No one will love you Peeta. You're not worthy of anyone's love. You're a murderer.
"PEETA!" his mother yelled as she walked through the door. "What are you doing?" slapping him in the back of his head, "You're going to scare the customers away."
Of course that was the first thing his mother says. There was no concern that he was having a hard time breathing, that he was upset. He walked to the back, grabbed his bag, opened up the door to backyard, and walked away as his mother screamed at him. He walked away from the place he use to call home. He couldn't take it anymore, he needed to get away, away from all the prying eyes, and ears. He walked towards his favourite place in District 12, towards the meadows
Peeta sat on the hill, the long grass surrounded him. He was staring at the forest beyond the fence, and he began to wonder what it would be like to be free. What would the world be like if there wasn't the Hunger Games, if they could come and go like they would like, and what it would be like if everyone were equals. No now the Capital owned him. Every year he would have to go there with Katniss, and watch her pretend to love him. There is nothing worse then to have to pretend every year with her, knowing that it wasn't real.
He opened his backpack, and grabbed his drawing pad. He opened to find a note stuck inside. Don't give up on her. He smiled. He didn't know when & how Prim had got it in there. He was reminded of their conversation at his house last week. Maybe if he tried harder, maybe then he could get Katniss to see him in a different light, and look at him like he looks at her. Maybe she was just confused on whether he feelings were real or because of the Capital.
He began to draw. He thought what better way to get to Katniss then to draw the woods. The one thing that connected her to her father. He would do a basic drawing now, and paint it later. He began with the details of the trees that stood before him. He knew that this painting would have to be perfect.
Peeta was brought out of his train of thought by a voice, "Katniss," Gale says before pulling her back towards him. He leans down and gently kiss her lips. At that sight Peeta's heart broke into two. Mrs Mosley had been right. She was with Gale. Prim was wrong. When Katniss said that her and Gale were friends it had been a lie. Not that he should be surprised it wouldn't be the first time that she had lied about her feelings. He couldn't even get up to leave, as it would probably bring unwanted attention to himself. He closed his eyes, and tried to hold back the tears that he felt coming. See she doesn't want you. She just used you to get home, back to Gale. She just pitted you..
When they were finally gone, he threw his drawing pad in his backpack, and began running towards Victor's Village, towards his big house. His breathing began to get heavy, and he was having a hard time finding his next breath.
He felt worse then the day that Gale had yelled at him at her house. Everything was coming all too real now. Why couldn't she at least tell him before he had to see it with his own two eyes. Cause she doesn't care about your feelings. It would have hurt less. Now he felt like a fool for having a little bit of hope that he could win her heart.
He ran upstairs to his art room, and began throwing his paintings around. "Why am I not good enough for her, for anyone," he cried. Tears slid down his cheeks. That's when he saw the knife he had use for his sculpting. He picked it up, and starred at it, and then at his arm. Come on Peeta it will make you feel better. "No, I promised myself," he said as he shook with the knife in his hand. It will ease the pain your feeling. He rolled up his sleeve, and slowly brought the blade against his arm, before slowly sliding it across his arm. He felt the release of the pain he had been feeling. He hadn't felt this good since the last time.
He dropped the blade, before dropping to his knees, and crying. He had broken the promise to himself. He felt so weak.
The next morning, Peeta laid in bed all day. He had closed every curtain in his home. He wanted to keep the world out. For once he was happy that the curtains were blackout curtains, it kept the room dark. At this time the nightmares were easier to handle then the reality that he had no one.
He was coming to terms that coming home had meant that he had come home to nothing. No family, friends, and no Katniss. To them he wasn't worth their time, their love. Katniss had come home from the same place, and yet she still had people that stood by her side. What made him any different? Tears fell from his eyes.
"Peeta stop being pathetic", he told himself. "Stop wallowing in your self pity." He had to be better then this. Peeta dragged himself out of bed, and walked down the hall to his art room.
He picked up the knife from the ground, and cleaned up the mess from last night. He had been weak again, just like his mother always told him.
Afterwards he sat down at his chair and began to paint. Without even thinking he was painting the forest that he seen yesterday from the meadow. When he realized what he was doing, he cursed himself for letting himself for painting it. She didn't deserve the gesture from him, didn't deserve his kindness when she had been anything but that towards her. Part of him hated her for everything she had done, but the little boy that fell for her at the age of 5 couldn't be mad at her. That boy had always held her on a pedestal.
He was startled by his doorbell ringing. He contemplated answering it, but decided against it. The last thing he wanted was to put on a fake smile and act like he's happy. It was exhausting. He just wanted to hide away from world that hated him, and never come out. Whomever was at the door rang the bell for over 10 mins before giving up. Once it stopped he let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding.
He walked back into his room, and laid back down. Willing sleep to come.