The night after he proposed, I layed down to sleep. I took my dark blue coat off and hung it up on my bedpost, the bed that I would not have once Eliza and Alexander left the Schuyler home. I was only allowed to stay because I didn't have anywhere else to go.
I stare up at the ceiling, thinking about my life after Alexander Hamilton. How my heart is completely spent, and everything I thought we had was all for naught.
I will miss him.
Angelica Schuyler looked me up and down. "You look horrific, John. You're tired, you're angsty. What is the matter with you? Why can't you just move on?"
"I love him, Angelica."
I just confessed to sodomy to Angelica Schuyler…
"I know you do, but… Colonel Laurens," she pointed to the newly weds, and we watched them dance. They giggled with each other, glancing lovingly into each other's eyes. "He is no longer yours."
My heart felt like it might burst. My entire body ached and all I wanted to do was drink, or sleep, or drink so hard that I sleep.
Please, take me out of it.
"Angelica, I don't understand-"
"You will someday, dear John," Angelica caressed my cheek. "Thank you."
She turns from me, and vanishes.