"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."

― Søren Kierkegaard

Chapter 5: Stage Five, Hello, it's me

Susan wandered through the Hub, until she came across Toshiko's work station. Since Tosh was sitting alone, Susan didn't feel too bad about interrupting her work.

"Umm," Susan started, biting her lip, as Toshiko looked up. "Jack said you could help me with some stuff? I mean, you could make me some kind of birth certificates and ID's so I can get a job and stuff?"

Toshiko smiled. "Of course. Hand me your ID?" Susan did, and Toshiko continued to speak while she typed. "We always help the rift refugees. And I guess, since you don't really exist here, we can use your real name too."

Susan's mood suddenly darkened. "Idon'twanttousemyrealname," she muttered.

Tosh blinked. "What?"

Susan smiled sheepishly. "I said, I don't want to use my real name," she said, slowly this time.

Toshiko raised her eyebrows. "Why not? What's wrong with your name?"

"Well, for starters, I've always wanted to change it. Now that I have a free opportunity to do so, why not?" she said and grinned. "I was thinking something like Amelia Pond. It's like a name in a fairytale, don't you think?"

Toshiko blinked and nodded. "I guess."

Susan stared at her for a moment before an understanding expression came upon her face. "Right," she muttered. "All of my jokes are going to waste here. Even the lamest ones."

A silence followed.

"I don't understand," Toshiko said slowly.

Susan sighed and rose up. "Don't worry, neither does anyone else. Maybe just go with Susan Friberg after all," she said, and froze. "Oh, and one more thing. I saw an election poster outside, could you print me off any information you have about Harold Saxon?"

"That is a weird request, but sure," Tosh said, typed in something, clicked a few buttons and waited for the printer to work. Then she handed a thin pile of papers to Susan. "Here you go."

"Thanks, Tosh," she said and started to walk towards the kitchens, "You're a sweetheart!"

Susan grinned as she crossed the threshold.

"Ah, Ianto, just the man I wanted to see!" she exclaimed happily and clapped her hands together. Ianto, who was currently leaning against the kitchen counter and sipping his coffee, raised his eyebrow at her.

Susan sniffed the air and stared at Ianto. Or more precisely, at his coffee cup. Ianto followed the line of her gaze and seemed to get the idea. "You want me to make you another cup of coffee?" he inquired.

"I knew you would understand!" Susan exclaimed and beamed, patting him on his shoulder. Her hand stayed on his shoulder a moment too long, but then she hastily removed it and turned around. "I'll be sitting on the couch," she said without looking back, and disappeared as quickly as she had appeared.

Ianto just stood there with the coffee cup in one hand, and the other hand touching the spot on his shoulder Susan's hand had touched. 'That was strange,' he thought, confused. 'For some reason I feel like she was apologizing for something.'

He shook his head and started grinding the coffee beans.

Ten minutes later Ianto headed towards the couch with a hot cup of coffee in his hands. But what he saw surprised him so much that he stopped and stared in silence. The girl who just a few minutes earlier had been so excited and friendly was now sitting on the black leather couch reading a piece of paper with a solemn expression on her face, biting her lip and tugging her hair nervously. Something was obviously weighing on her.

"Here's your coffee," Ianto said, stopping in front of her. Susan looked up, and for a moment she looked like the frightened girl lost in a different world that she was. But the moment was gone so quickly that Ianto thought he had imagined the whole thing. Her happy facade was up again and she grinned widely, taking the coffee from his hands.

"Thank you, Jones, Ianto Jones," she said and winked as Ianto was startled by her choice of words. "I'm sure you have better things to do than making me coffee, so you can go back to work now," she said, still grinning.

Ianto eyed her for a moment and nodded politely. "Tell me if you need anything."

"Yeah," Susan said absentmindedly and looked down at the papers on her lap.

Walking away, Ianto Jones realized something. The expression on Susan's face had been distantly familiar to him, and no wonder - he had seen it in the mirror every day for months since he'd first started working for Torchwood. It was the same expression he had been wearing when he had been hiding a Cyberman in the Hub's cellar. That girl had something to hide, and it was something big.

Susan sighed and lowered down the piece of paper in her hands. Things were starting to get truly complicated. Firstly, just the fact the she knew about the future through Doctor Who and Torchwood was dangerous. Susan realised she would have to handle her knowledge with care.

'But then stuff like this happens,' Susan mused and looked down at the paper. It was a recent news article about certain Minister of Defence. Harold Saxon had recently visited his old high school accompanied by his stepsister, Susan Williams. Apparently, she was related to Mr. Saxon by her fathers side.

There was a picture. It was of Harold Saxon shaking hands with his old Headmaster, and Susan Williams standing next to the pair. Susan Williams just happened to bear resemblance to one Susan Friberg.

There was no way this was a coincidence. It had to be her future self. But how?

Susan was sure that just by reading the article, she was creating a paradox. Because if she hadn't gone completely bonkers, then this meant she would somehow meet the Master and become either his accomplice or his prisoner. And neither choice seemed too appealing to her. Oh joy.

"Is everything okay?" Jack asked, startling her. He had quietly moved to stand in front of her.

Susan looked up. "Yeah," she said and grinned. "Why do you ask?"

Jack eyed her for a moment. "Ianto mentioned that something might be bothering you," he said. Susan just raised her left eyebrow sceptically at him. "It's true, I swear," Jack said, thinking back to earlier that day.

He was sitting at his desk in his office, occasionally glancing through the glass walls to ensure that nothing strange was going on in the Hub and that their new guest wasn't causing too much trouble. He had some paperwork to do, but since Jack loathed paperwork, he was trying find something else to do instead. At the times like these he sometimes hoped that something would happen to take his mind off the things going trough his head. Like the Doctor, for example.

Jack often thought about the Doctor. The Doctor had abandoned him alone on the Satellite Five, ankle deep in Dalek dust and unable to die permanently. He often wondered of the Doctor had known that, or if he had just thought that Jack was dead. But then there came the question, why didn't the Doctor even return to collect his body? Maybe Susan's theory about the regeneration did have some truth to it.

No matter what, Jack missed the Doctor. Sure, for the first hundred of years he had been mad at him, but he missed him all the same. He was just so... exciting. And of course, he was gorgeous in his leather jacket glory and all, even if those ears were just ridiculous. He was attracted to the Doctor. So what? Jack wasn't one to deny something like that. Jack idly wondered what the Doctor looked like now.

And now that the rift had finally fulfilled his wishes and sent him a distraction in a form of a young woman, she had just made Jack think about the Doctor even more than usual. There was a TV show called Doctor Who. Sure, the name was a bit strange, but it fit. He had himself thought "Doctor Who?" a few times. He'd often wondered what the Doctor would say if he asked him the question in private. Jack wondered if the girl knew the answer...

No, he decided, shaking his head. He wouldn't ask Susan about the Doctor again. It wouldn't be fair to her, considering her knowledge might well change the timelines and cause a disaster, for which she would surely feel responsible for.

But there was also the other TV show, this time called Torchwood. And it was about his whole team. This one he was more interesting to him, as Susan really seemed to know his whole team very well because of it, not just Jack or the Doctor. It was possible she even knew a lot about Owen, who was the hardest one to read out of the team. It was very probable she also knew when his team died, and if their deaths were by Torchwood. Jack didn't want to think about it, so he glanced down at the paperwork. Ugh.

Just then, the gods that Jack didn't believe in, sent him a saving angel in the form of Ianto Jones.

"Sir?" Ianto enquired from the doorway, a tray filled with two cups of coffee in his delicate hands.

Jack smiled gratefully at Ianto and nodded him to come inside. Ianto set the tray on his desk, that amazing as it was, wasn't covered in papers. Maybe some of Ianto's tidiness was rubbing off on him.

Jack took the blue striped mug in his hands and leaned back in his chair, looking at Ianto. "What brings you here, Ianto?" he asked offhandedly with a smug smile, "Besides me, of course."

Ianto's expression didn't change, but there was an amused sparkle in his eyes. He shook his head and tried to cool down the coffee in his hand. The silence lasted for a few minutes while Ianto tried to think of the right words to say.

"I think that something is bothering Susan," he said and looked down at his coffee.

Jack raised his eyebrows at that. To his knowledge the girl seemed to be mostly happy to be here, and optimistic too. Had something happened during her stay in the Hub?

Jack noted the serious expression Ianto's face. "Is that so?" he asked, his expression slowly sobering.

Ianto nodded, still not making eye contact. "Yes. There was something about her expression that I recognised from the time..." he trailed of for a few seconds and swallowed. "From the time I was keeping Lisa here."

"So you think she's hiding something from us?" Jack asked. Ianto nodded. Now, that definitely sparked Jack's interest. Jack hoped that it wouldn't turn out to be anything as dangerous as the Cyberman.

"I suppose I could talk with her," Jack said thoughtfully. "But don't expect miracles. If she's worrying about the future, there's really nothing we can do about it."

Ianto nodded. "Just do your best, sir."

"Jack? Earth to Jack," Susan said, waving his hand before Jack's eyes.

Jack stared back at the girl who looked amused and a bit mischievous. To her credit, Susan had been imagining something like the two of them kissing and a hastily muttered, 'I'm worried about the girl', so no wonder if she was feeling a bit giggly.

Jack rolled his eyes at Susan's expression, yet smiled at her at the same time. "He's just worried about you, said that you looked troubled," Jack said.

Susan furrowed her brows thoughtfully. "Do I look worried?" It's not very good thing to look worried if one wants to blend in. Probably.

"Not really," Jack stated. "But as I said to him, if you're worried, you're probably thinking about future and your knowledge. Right?" he asked.

Susan swallowed and turned her eyes away. "Well yeah," she said. "But you know that I can't tell you much about it."

Jack shrugged, "I could take some retcon after you told me."

Susan's eyes widened at the suggestion, but soon she just grimaced and eyed Jack with a dark expression on her face. "You wouldn't take it," she said quietly.

Jack narrowed her eyes at that. "What do you mean?"

Susan just looked at him with a unreadable expression and a strange glint in her eyes. "You wouldn't take the retcon after I told you about it. There is no way you would do it, even if you promised," she said and looked straight into Jack's eyes. Then she turned away. "No one would."

Jack promised that they would send her a new ID and all the necessary papers in the mail, matching her old ones as well as they could, since no Susan Friberg existed in their reality. Susan could live in shared accommodation funded by the government and receive a monthly grant until she could find a job to get her back on her feet. Jack even gave her a black credit card with the Torchwood logo on it. He said it was for the necessary things like clothes and furniture she would need to purchase to get settled in.

Ianto gave her a phone number she should call every two weeks to check in with them, and another one for emergencies of the more alien nature. Just in case.

And when Ianto wasn't looking, Jack added another phone number into her contacts and winked at her. Susan took that to mean that it was Jack's phone number and she could call him if she felt like it.

To her disappointment, she wasn't allowed to visit the Hub every day, because she didn't actually work for them and it could get too dangerous. Susan grumbled at that but didn't complain, as she was sure that the team would be plenty busy without her watching their every move. Jack did promise her that she could visit soon, though.

As she said her goodbyes to the team, Jack offered to ride her to her new home.

The ride was spent in a comfortable silence, until they stopped at the lights and someone knocked on the window Susan's side. She rolled it down. A courier handed her a package and took of without a word.

She blinked, and looked at Jack, who looked equally baffled.

"Well, open it," Jack said, glancing at her while still keeping an eye on the traffic.

Susan tore open the package, finding a messenger bag made of dark leather, and a handwritten note.

It read as follows:

Hello there!

The thought probably already crossed your mind, after all those texts I sent, and what you found out
about Saxon but... I am currently writing to myself. Isn't that mad? I thought you might need certain things
on your travels. Well, to be more precise, I knew you were going to need them, so I sent them to you.
Don't worry, it's not really a paradox. It's more like a... self-fulfilling prophecy. I remember reading
this note, so I know what to write. And I got my own personal items in the mail too, so I knew what
I needed to keep out an eye for. And no, I'm not telling you where I found them. Except for the screwdriver.
It's actually the same replica that you have in your old bag. I just had some changes made by an evil villain.
You know which one I mean. Attached to this note is a brief guide to using it. And sorry, I can't tell you
everything about it. There are some things you have to find out by yourself.

Don't worry too much. Although I know you will, so this really isn't helping.

Anyway...

The bag is, what I call, a Mary Poppins bag. It's bigger on the inside. Time lord technology, I'd reckon.
At least from looking at it. It really is an old bag. I'd suggest you to start carrying your most important
possessions in it, and taking it everywhere you go. If you don't, well, then you're screwed.
Because you never know what's going to happen when you step out of that door, right?

Oh, and one more thing. Look out for the Angels.

Give Jack a kiss from me,
- SF

After she finished reading it and the implications of the text hit her, Susan realised she'd been holding her breath and gasped for air. She was going to go with the Master, probably willingly, but before that she was going to meet one of the Weeping Angels.

"Shit," she said, her chest heaving and feeling like she might throw up, "Shit, shit, shit!"

Jack looked at her, concerned and alarmed, "Do you need for me to pull over?"

"No," she said, getting her breathing under control, "No, it's okay... Fuck."

"Who is it from?" Jack asked, glancing at the letter.

"Me," Susan said, scowling, "It's from me."

"What?!" Jack exclaimed, almost swerving into the oncoming traffic, "I thought there was no other you in this reality?"

"There isn't," Susan said, groaning, "It's from future me. Apparently I somehow end up time traveling. She told me to keep all my important belongings in this bag and always take it with me wherever I go." She raised the bag so Jack could see it. "It's bigger on the inside."

"Oh," Jack said, his eyes widening at the implications.

Susan nodded. "Indeed." She waved the letter around and raised an eyebrow. "She also told me to give you a kiss."

Jack grinned at her. "Well?"

Susan ducked her head, trying not to blush. "Maybe later."

Jack shrugged. "Your loss."

After five minutes, they stopped in front of the accommodations, and Jack got up from the car to give her a hug. "Be safe, okay?" he said, "You have my number, use it."

"Thanks," Susan said, flustered.

"Did the note give you any hints as to when you'll be travelling?"

"There wasn't much to go on," Susan said, hugging both shoulder bags to her side and trying not to give anything away. "There were some small hints but nothing precise."

"Well, keep in touch as long as you're here," Jack said, "I could always use someone to talk to who... knows about me."

Susan crunched up her nose and frowned, "Your team doesn't know yet, right? That sucks, I'm sorry."

"Yet?" Jack asked, "So I'll tell them?"

"I'm not sure how much you actually tell them," Susan said hesitantly, unsure of how much she could divulge, "But they will find out about your... unique abilities."

"Right." Jack nodded. "Well, it's time for me to go. Call me." He waved.

"Bye, Jack," Susan said. After the black car had disappeared into the traffic, she turned around to face the large, drab looking building. "Home, sweet home."