Sorry it's been a while. Been very busy with work, and I found I'm pregnant again, so the first trimester has been very hard, because I've been very sick this time around. I'm going to change things up a little from this chapter now. I'm going to write from Peeta and Katniss's point of view since I think it's important to see what is coming through her eyes.
~ PEETA ~
Peeta sat in the dark, curled up, holding his arms around his legs, as he sat at the bay window in his bedroom, leaning his head against the window. The sun was just setting in the background, shining his favourite shade of orange. When he was little he would stand by the window working in the bakery, while staring at the beautiful sunset. Seeing one had always given him hope for a better world.
He starred at her home. It appeared to be still dark in her home, indicating that no one was likely up quite yet. He wasn't surprised that they weren't awake yet, since they had arrived back to District 12 after midnight, and Prim and her mom had been waiting for them at the station. He was sure they wanted to get as much sleep as they could before tonight. Tonight would be the last party of the Victory Tour, at mayor Mr Undersee's home. Though you couldn't call it really a home, it was more of a mansion, it was 5 times bigger then any of the Victor homes, which was saying something because their homes were a lot bigger then any merchant or seam home. It was probably because during the Hunger Games & Victory Tour they housed many people from the Capital. Some that just liked to see where the tributes were from, and others that were on business.
Peeta took a deep breathe, as he reminded himself that after tonight he could lock himself away again. Spare himself from the pain that was caused by the Capital, his family, Katniss, and even life. After all this they would only pretend when in the Capital presence, even if they had made Haymitch a promise. He only hoped that the Capital wouldn't force them to have a big capital wedding for all of Panem to see. Maybe they could have one here, and only be married on paper, and still live in their own homes. As much as he would love for it all to be it real, there was no way Katniss would ever want that. She proved it when by her distanced and her silence on the way home. And there was no way he would make her do anything she didn't want to.
Since their almost kiss at Snow's home a few days ago, Katniss had been avoiding him again. She didn't speak during meal time, and when he walked into a room she was in she would leave. He knew it shouldn't surprise him, it had been at the back of his mind, the little voice telling him that he was fooling himself. He blamed himself for being hopeful, for letting himself believe the things she had told him on the train. He should have known better that it was all a lie. All part of the final games.
He was beginning to understand why Haymitch stayed away from people, drinking the day away. It hurt too much to remember, or get close to anyone, when they could be gone the next moment. It may not be fully the same situation, since Katniss was just across the street, but it definitely felt like she was no longer here again.
He felt like pretending tonight was pointless since everyone in District 12 knew the truth, but he knew that there was still some Capital guests in town, and they couldn't risk it getting spread in the Capital, let alone Panem. It meant bad things for them all. If it meant that he would be the only one to suffer, then he would be fine with it, but he could't bare if it meant that anyone else life like Katniss, her family or his family. None of them deserved this. He was the one that started the Star-crossed lovers, he had never meant for anything this. He had just wanted Katniss to seem more appealing, so that she would get more sponsors, and had better chances of winning the games. He wasn't suppose to live. He should have ate those berries. He had let his love for her, and what he thought was love for him, blind him. They were far worse off because of it.
Peeta & Katniss slowly walked into the ballroom, gracing their guest with their presence. Peeta glance over at Katniss, she was wearing a mermaid fitted gown, in his favourite shade of orange. How Cinna knew that was his favourite colour, he wasn't sure. but she definitely looked amazing in it, he couldn't deny it. He stood there in awe. He was glad that Portia had put him a black suit tonight, it really made Katniss stand out beside him, like she had always done.
Katniss grabbed his hand, and interlocked it with hers. He squeezed hers as they stood at the top of the stairs, waiting to be presented. "Let us present District 12 newest Victors, "Peeta Mellark & Katniss Everdeen." The slowly walk down the grand stairs, towards their guest. As they reached the bottom, the string orchestra began to play in the background. They walk over to the dance floor, and went right into their first dance of the night.
Katniss stares into Peeta's eyes, never taking her eyes off him. Peeta began to feel a little nervous, "You look handsome tonight." His face began to turn a light shade of pink. It was the first time she had ever said that to him.
"You look so beautiful, your stylist really brought out your eyes with that make up." Her grey eyes almost looked silver as they light hit them. Her eyes were one of the many things he loved about her. Katniss looked down, as she blushed, "Thank you."
She leaned her head against his, as they continue dancing, bring him closer. He could swear that she was afraid that he was going to slip away. He couldn't understand what that could possibly mean. How can she one minute not want anything to do with him, and the next giving him that hope that he longed for. He wasn't sure what to think anymore. He needed to breathe, he needed some air, he was aching to release the pain, and confusion he was feeling towards everything.
The moment the music went on to the next piece, he broke free from her embrace. "I'm going to grab a drink, would you like anything?" he said politely, even though she was the reason he just wanted to run off.
Katniss smiles, "No I'm good. I think I'm just going to go see how Prim's doing. This is her first ball, and she was quite excited. It was all she talked about today."
"Okay," he says. "Say hi to her for me," he said. He always had a soft spot for Prim. She was like the little sister he never had. He walks towards the terrace, the opposite direction of the refreshment table.
As soon as he's outside, he took in a deep breath, taking in the crisp winter air. The cold air almost burns the lungs as he continues to breathe it in. He leaned against the wall, in hopes that no one would notice him outside. He just needed this time away before he had to go through the whole night with a fake smile on his face, pretending he was happy.
He was sure how he use to be so happy all the time, seeing life in rose colour glasses. Now it just felt exhausting.
~ KATNISS ~
Katniss walked over to her sister, Prim who was standing there with Rory. She couldn't believe how grown up her sister looked tonight, all dressed up. She was no longer her little duck.
"Hey," she said, as she walked up to them. "How you two enjoying yourselves?"
"It's so wonderful. Though it's probably not half as great as the one in the Capital," Prim said with a huge smile. She knew that her sister was always mesmerized by all of this. Katniss put on a fake smile. If her sister only knew. Not only were the Districts starving, but the Capital just throw up their food, just to eat more. It made her sick just thinking about it. But she wouldn't burst her sisters bubble. She liked how her sister looked at life through rose colour glasses. It reminded her that there was still good in the world today. Peeta was lot like that too. He was sweet, and always knew the right thing to say. Oh Peeta, she thought. She had been avoiding him since that Party, since their almost kiss. She couldn't let herself feel that way, to be weak like her mother. She promised herself longtime ago that she would never be like her.
Putting her arm around her little sister, "Prim, this one is 100 times better, because I'm sharing this time with everyone I love," she smiled.
"Peeta is looking better," she said, looking his way. She knew what her meant. She had been worried about him the weeks leading up to the tour. He hadn't been his normal self. Once they gotten on the train, within a few days he was back to his old self. She only hope that he would stay that way. Why was she letting herself care like this, she needed to stop she demanded herself.
"He definitely does. I think getting away did him some good," she lied. In reality she didn't know. She had pushed him away, and now time would tell if he would retreat back. "I'm sure he would love to say hello to you, why don't you say hi," she encouraged her sister. If she distanced herself away from him, at least there was someone watching over him. His family didn't seem to care like hers did. She never thought that his father would abandon him like he has.
~ PEETA ~
Later in the night after spending hours talking with people, Peeta was finally able to grab something to eat. As he was placing food on his plate, someone grabbed his arm, and pulled him towards the empty hall. He looked to find it was his mother. She doesn't say anything before she slaps him across his face.
As he stared at her, he could see the rage in her eyes. Same look that use to give him nightmares as a boy. After years of abuse he was trying to not let his mothers disappointment affect him, but it was easier said then done. "How dare you ask that seam slut to marry you?"
"This doesn't concern you mother," he said.
"Yes it does. Especially when you're putting our family's reputation on the line."
He laughed in his head, of course she only thinks about how it affects her. "Doesn't it matter that I love her."
Pointing her finger in face, "Don't you dare say that about her. She has done nothing but manipulate her. You already told us it was over between the two of you. You weren't even talking to her before the tour."
"How would you know? You hadn't even seen me in a long time before the tour." Had she forgotten that he hadn't been by the bakery, long before the tour. That neither, her, his father or brothers come and check on him.
"Well if someone wouldn't have stop coming to work then maybe that wouldn't have happen."
"Typical," he muttered under his breath.
"Once the people from the Capital is gone, she will be back in that hunters bed. She will never love you. Even if she marries you it won't change things, it will only be to get what she wants." Coming closer, getting her face in his space, "Being attached to her for life has ruined you for other girls. You're going to be alone like that drunk of a mentor of yours. And don't come crying to me when it happens. I warned you," she said as she walked back into the party.
A tear rolled down his cheek. Why did he always let his mother get the best of him? Why couldn't he let her words just roll off of him? Because she was his mom, and he so desperately wanted her to love him like Mrs Everdeen loved her daughters. Unconditional love was all he had ever wanted.
He walked into the bathroom, ready to do something he hadn't done since the beginning of the Victory Tour.
~ KATNISS ~
Peeta is walking out of the bathroom, when Katniss walks directly into him, causing him to stubble slightly due to being a little unsteady because of his prosthetic leg. "Sorry," she says. She hadn't been looking where she was going. She was trying to get away from the party just for a few minutes. She was eager for this to be all over. She wanted to get back to her normal routine, and ready for the Capitalites to be gone.
"It's alright," he smiled at her.
She looks down at the front of the shirt, and she spots something. Her eyes grow at the sight. "What….happened?" she asked as she pointed at his shirt. The sight of blood still freaked her out, it brought back all those awful memories of the games. After everything they had seen, and still seen in their dreams, she wouldn't be surprise if it had to do with some sort of threat from the Capital, or that his mother had caused it.
"Oh, my nose was bleeding from the change in climate, I guess I must have gotten a little on my shirt." Something about the way his voice trembled slightly made her believe that he wasn't telling the truth. "Are you sure that's what it is?" she said, quite concerned.
"Yeah. I get them from time to time."
"Okay," she smiled slightly, before walking towards the ladies washroom, before going in she looks back at him. She really hope what he was saying was the truth, but something about this didn't feel right. She chose to ignore it though.