SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO POST THE NEW CHAPTER. WORK HAS BEEN BUSY, SO IT MAKES IT HARD TO FIND TIME TO WRITE. HOPE THIS IS WORTH THE WAIT
~ KATNISS ~
Katniss stared at Peeta's home, as she passed by it when she was heading to her own home. She had just come from the Hob, where she had been grabbing a few things for her mom. She noticed that after a few days, his curtains were still closed. She still hadn't seen him leave his home since the party at the Mayor's home.
She took a deep breather, he had retreated back to how he was before the tour. And that worried her, now that they were home, she knew that they would need to talk. Soon they would be forced to be married, so she thought that it was best if they talked as soon as possible about how they we're going to handle this all.
She slowly walks up to his door, unsure what she would say to him. She wasn't good with words like he was. She knocks on the door. She patiently waited there for over 5 minutes when she realized that Peeta didn't intend to come to the door. She wasn't about to leave, and let him ignore her, and she wasn't about to let him become Haymitch. She reached for the door knob, only to discover it was locked.
She walked towards the backyard, to the kitchen door. It too was locked. She grinned to herself, if he really thought she would give up so easily, then he didn't know her at all. She glances up to notice that there was a open window upstairs, and the tree is quite close to it for her to climb through.
She grabs the notch on the tree, pulling herself up, as she begins to climb the tree. She hadn't been up a tree since her time in the Games, as it reminded her of then, and of Rue. Like in the games, she was still able to climb the tree with ease. In no time she found herself right at level with the window. She crawled across the branch, and through the window into one of Peeta's spare rooms. Once inside she made sure that she didn't make a peep. She didn't want Peeta to run away, and avoid her anymore. She glances down both sides of the hall, when she notices a light on at the end of the hall.
Katniss slowly crept down the hall towards the light, towards. She wasn't sure if she would find him there, but it was worth a try. She slowly opens the door quietly, as she does, she notices his body hovering over his canvas. He was painting something. She was sure it was probably of some nightmare he had from the games, like the ones he brought on the Victory Tour. She remember that he said that when he was too scared to go back to sleep he would paint his nightmares, or go into the kitchen and bake.
He sat there on the stool, shirtless. She could see the define muscles that he had develop, even since the Hunger Games. Something in her got a little excited, but like in the cave, she pushed down those feelings. "Peeta," she called out.
Peeta whipped around fast, almost falling off his stool. She knew she had startled him. "How did you get in here?"
Biting her lip, "The guest room window. I climbed a tree."
"Can't I get any privacy?" he said, raising his voice.
She was taken back by his tone, it was so unlike him. "Sorry. I hadn't seen you in a few days…I was worried."
"Well maybe it's because I wanted to be left alone," he huffed.
She didn't recognize this boy, this wasn't her boy with the bread. She glanced down, and noticed something she had never seen before. There seemed to be scars all over Peeta's arms. "Peeta, where did those scars come from?"
Peeta stood there, hesitating on what he was going to say, "I..I burnt them on my stove. I'm clumsy sometimes"
There was one thing about being a healer's daughter you know what burns looked like, and what Peeta had definitely wasn't that. She had to know what happen, where they came from. Something in her tells her that it wasn't good. "I know that's not the truth. I know what burns look like."
~ PEETA ~
Peeta begins to panic. He doesn't want her know the real reason for his scars. He decides that she needs to go. He becomes frantic, "Get out! I want you to leave my house! NOW!" He walks over to her, and starts to push her out of his art room. He needed her to get out before she asked more questions.
Katniss digs her feet into the ground, refusing to move. She folds her arms across her chest, "I'm not leaving until you tell me," she scowled.
He was getting frustrated, "I don't want you here, what about that don't you get."
"This isn't my Peeta talking. He would never brush me off like this. He was a kind boy, who would do anything for me. Brought my family bread every morning, and befriended Prim, teaching her how to decorate cookies."
Taking a deep breath, "Well that boy grew up. He discovered that the girl he had loved his whole life did nothing but play him for a fool in front of all his friends, family and all of Panem."
"I thought you said that you we're going to hold that against me. I thought we were going to try to be friends?"
"Well I thought we were becoming friends on the Victory tour, but of course it was all a rouse. Cause after that night in the Capital, you stopped talking to me, and it was just like after we got home from the Hunger Games. I was just a fool who fell for your games again."
"It wasn't like that," she tried to explain.
"Oh really, then tell me what it was like."
"After that moment in the garden….." she didn't know how explain what she was feeling, when she didn't really understand it. She wasn't good with words like he was.
When the silence became to long, he continued for her, not really thinking about what he was saying before he said it, he just broke down, "My mom was right. I'm not loveable."
Katniss was stunned by what he just said, but she was concerned, "What are you talking about?"
"My family left me to live in this big house alone. They haven't been to see me ever. My best friend hasn't talked to me since I came home from the games, and everyone else looks at me with pity in their eyes. I'm all alone," he began to cry.
"You have me, and Prim."
"Really? Then where were you all those months after we came home? I'll tell you," he yelled, "You were avoiding me, or making me feel horrible about coming around your home."
"I'm sorry. It was hard when we came home, I just wanted to forget."
"I had a hard time too. Not only with the nightmares, but with what my mom was putting me through."
"What are you talking about?"
"My mom would make working at the bakery hell. She knew you were hanging with Gale, and made sure I knew about it. She knew your love for me was an act and she used that to taunt me. It became too much," he broke down. "One day I was cleaning up, and I cut myself. It was then I felt a form of relief, it made me feel better."
Her eyes opened with terror, was she hearing him right? "Are you saying that those scars are from you cutting yourself?" She began to feel guilty, feeling like this was all her fault.
He couldn't say it out loud, it would make it all real. He just stared at her.
Katniss draws near to him, and traces her fingers over his scars. Tears begin to rush down her face too. She brings him into her arms, and embraces him. "I'm so sorry for not being there when we came home, and for how I treated you. You didn't deserve that. But I promise you from now on that I will be here for you.
He breathed in her scent as she held him in her arms. He wanted to believe her, but he had been fooled too many times, and he didn't think his heart could handle anymore heartbreak. "Please leave," he says in almost a whisper, having a hard time getting the words out.
Katniss lets him go, and begins to walk out of the room, but not before looking back one more time.
Peeta walked into his bedroom, and laid on his bed, curled up in a ball. He began to cry uncontrollable. His heart and his mind were battling against one another. He was so confused, he didn't know what to feel anymore.
Peeta was in the kitchen, making bread, something he hadn't done in months, when he heard a knock on his kitchen door. By the time he got there no one was there, but when he looked down he noticed 2 squirrels on his stoop.
He smiled, as he picked them up. She had brought his favourite meat. She had kept to her word, and was trying to be there for him in her own way. This had given him hope that she had meant what she had said, that things would change around here, and he wouldn't be alone anymore.
He walked back inside, and put the squirrel in his ice box, and decided that he would make her an extra special treat for her & Prim, something he was sure they hadn't tried before.
He walked into his pantry, and got out all the brown sugar, cinnamon, butter. The rest of the supplies he already had out from making bread, to make the cinnamon buns. When he was younger he would always beg his parents for one, but his mother wouldn't let him because it would cut into their profits. On his birthday, his father would always sneak him one.
When they were all done, he left them at the front door, of Katniss house.
~ KATNISS ~
Katniss sat at the table, eating her cinnamon bun. It was the best sweet that she had ever eaten. He really knew how to choose all her favourites without her every trying them. She was determined to help him in any way. She had stayed up most of the night thinking how she could have missed it while they were on the train. She should have known something was up when he didn't come out of his house, weeks leading up to the Victory Tour. She guess what they say is right, you only see what you want to see. She wanted to see him as the strong guy, who was willing to do anything for her, including die for her. She ignored the fact that he was alone in the big house, with no family. And how hard it had to be on him, having no one around.
She was surprised to hear that after all this time his father still allowed his mother to be horrible to him, especially after all he had been through going through the games. You would think he would have gotten a backbone by now. She couldn't imagine the childhood he went through, with a nightmare like his mother. She still remembers witnessing her hitting him with a rolling pin, when he burnt the bread, and she knew he got it worse when she found out that he had thrown her the bread.
She was always surprised what a sweet and caring guy he turned out to be. But maybe that had been a front so that he didn't have to deal with what was going on at home. Like when her mom mentally broke down, and didn't talk to anyone; she pushed everyone away, and made sure that no one got too close.
"Katniss are you okay, you've been quiet all day," her mother asked as she cleared the dinner table.
"Mom, is it dangerous if someone cuts them self?"
"What to do you mean?"
"Like is someone is cutting them self to numb the pain."
"Yes it can be dangerous. They can get an infection, or if they cut too deep they can loose a lot of blood, and sometimes die. Katniss who do you know is doing this?"
Katniss stared at her mom. She didn't want to break Peeta's confidence. "It's no one, I was just wondering," she lied. She knew her mom probably didn't believe her, but she knew better then to question her. She knew she wouldn't budge.
She got up from the table, and walked towards the stairs, before turning back, "Thanks mom."
Katniss had decided that she was determined that she was going to help Peeta get better. She wasn't going to let it get out of hand. She couldn't lose him. She needed him in her life.
She stood at his door, and knocked on it. Peeta answer almost immediately. "Hey," she said with a smile on her face.
"Hey"
"Thanks for the buns, they were delicious."
"They're called cinnamon buns. They were always my favourite so I thought it may be something you enjoyed."
"I was wondering if you were free?"
"Yeah,"
"Good, cause I want to take you somewhere?" grabbing his hand. She grabbed that picnic basket that she had prepped, and guided him towards the meadow.
"What do you have in there?" Peeta asked, pointed to the basket.
"Just a few things, that Prim made up." She wasn't good at cooking, she left that up to her mom & Prim. She just brought him the meat.
They shortly arrived at the meadow, and she placed the basket down. Brought out the blanket, and placed it on the grass, before sitting down. Spring was slowly appearing, flowers were beginning to blossom. She picked up a dandelion, and started playing with it, "Seeing this flower always reminds me of you."
Peeta smiled. "I remember seeing you staring at me the next day, and I so badly wanted to go over to you and say sorry for not handing you the bread instead of throwing it at you."
"Peeta, I was never mad about that, you saved us that day. I was sorry that I never had the courage to thank you for the bread. Just for the record after that day I also kept an eye on you."
"Really?" did this mean on some level that she always cared for him.
"Yeah. I would never admit to anyone. When I would trade with your dad, I would always glance in the back to see if you were there. I would try to sink up the courage to talk to you, to thank you. I was just a coward. The more time that went by the harder it was. But I always thought about my boy with the bread," she said, blushing unable to look at him anymore.
"I always tried to be working when you came to trade with my dad in hopes that I would get to see a glance of you with you in your element."
"Peeta, why did you continue to cut after the initial cut?" she needed to know why it was happening, and how she can fix it.
"After the first time I was just hurting so badly with everything that was going on around me, I just wanted to feel a release if only for the moment. I've been bottling up my feelings as long as I was a kid, that it all began to boil up, and I couldn't take it anymore. And the moment I did the more I needed the release when everything went wrong, when I would listen to all the bad things people were saying about me."
"Have you tried stopping?"
"Yeah, but something always happen that made me crave to do it again," he cried. "I'm just so weak."
Katniss grabbed Peeta's hand, "No you're not. We all have moments when it becomes too much. Peeta I want to help you. When things become too much instead of cutting I want you to come to me, or at least talk to someone about how you're feeling."
"I don't know…I'll try," he said.
"That's the best I can ask for," she smiled. "Now while we're here would you mind drawing the meadow for me."
"I didn't bring anything."
Opening he basket, "Well then you should be thankful I thought of bring you something," bringing out a drawing pad and a pencil.
Peeta took the pad, and pencil and began to draw, while Katniss sat out their food. As she watched him draw, she picked at the food. She smiled watching him draw. He was in his element, and she seen reflections of the old Peeta shining through.