Jigen, Lupin and Fujiko were all gathered together in a semi-darkened room. They sat on assorted furniture in half-circle, waiting for Goemon.
"Why are we here, again?" a very bored Lupin asked.
"To hear his fanfic," Jigen informed him.
"Hear it?"
"He insists that he must read it out loud," Jigen sighed. "I'd rather read it, personally. He started talking about his ancestors, though, and once he starts on that there's no way to talk him out of it."
"What could his ancestors possibly have to do with an Anti-Fujiko fanfic?"
"I dunno. I wasn't listening."
Goemon chose that moment to make his appearance. He was dressed more formally than he usually was. He stepped stiffly onto a wooden stage he had made, and unrolled his scroll with a great deal of dignity.
The dignity was shattered because Lupin started snoring. Jigen woke him up with a kick, though Jigen wanted to nod off as well.
Goemon cleared his throat and began…

Long ago in the future, there was a man who was not a woman.
He roamed from village to village seeking his fortune. Which is to say, he sought his fortune roaming from village to village.
This man was a sushi taster. Meaning, he tasted sushi for his living. He was hoping to find the perfect sushi one day, and sell it to the world.
One day he met a bean bun.
"Hello," said the bean bun.
"Good day," said the man.
"The best sushi in the world can be found in a certain village."
"How do you know this?" asked the sushi taster.
"I am a bean bun," replied the bean bun. "Pass my tests, and I will tell you where the best sushi is."
"No," said the man, and ate the bean bun, for he was hungry.
Instantly, the man knew where the best sushi was, for he had eaten the bean bun.
The man traveled to the village, which was just down the road, and stopped at the sushi restaurant. The restaurant was very close, being just down the road in the village.
"I need to taste the best sushi in the world."
The old man looked at the traveler.
"If you take the sushi test, you may have this store and assure your fortune."
"Tell me the test," The man said.
11 sushi were laid out in a line.
"These 11 sushi in a line are your test. You must guess and eat 10 sushi that do not have wasabi. If you can pass this test, you may assure your fortune and have this store."
The traveler wished to assure this fortune and have the store, so he began.
He ate 9 perfectly, and it was down to the last two.
Just as he was about to choose, a woman distracted him and switched sushi on him. The traveler lost. The old man laughed evilly, and called the strange woman "honey".
Which is to say, the traveler have been tricked by a honey woman and an old man.
Outside the village, the traveler met a monkey and a black licorice stick.
"Who are you?"
"I am a monkey, and this is my friend the licorice stick."
"I am a licorice stick, and this is my friend the monkey."
"I am a traveler, and I have been tricked by a sushi man and his honey woman."
The monkey and the licorice stick said that they, too, had been tricked. But they were sneaking in that night to have their revenge.
That night, the three snuck in and stole all the sushi and the recipe.
Which is to say, they had their revenge by sneaking in.
The traveler set fire to the store, and stabbed the honey woman many times with pointed sticks and pineapples.
The three were very happy, and decided to travel together afterward.

After the story was finished, there was complete silence. The story was so twisted, so bizarre, so strange that Monkey Punch himself would be at a loss.
"What did—Goemon, are you on any samurai medication I should know about?" Lupin inquired hesitantly.
Goemon said in a proud manner, "It is a perfectly straightforward story."
Jigen snapped his fingers.
"I think I got it!"
"Well, Goemon's certainly lost it," Lupin said.
"No, listen. The whole thing is symbolic. It's still not very good, but don't take it literally. Remember when we first met Goemon?"
The truth began to dawn on Lupin.
"Oh, right! He was sad because Fujiko had sold him that faulty PowerBall ticket!"
Jigen prompted, "So the sushi is an allegory for…"
"PowerBall!"
Lupin laughed, "I remember. Our first job together was stealing the winnings of the very same jackpot Goemon lost. So, I'm the monkey and you're—"
Jigen was suddenly very, very annoyed.
"I'm a licorice stick!"
Lupin continued.
"The old man was the announcer—"
"-How dare you write me as a licorice stick!"
"I have no idea what that bean bun was about-"
"-ME! A licorice stick! I thought I knew you! I thought I was your friend!"
"Fujiko was the honey woman—"
"—I don't even like licorice!"
They stopped. "Fujiko the honey woman?" They said together.
They grinned.
Fujiko spoke for the first time.
"Goemon, they say I'm the honey woman. But, that was about how you met Lupin. It can't be me, because I'm not dead. I've never been stabbed with pointed sticks."
All three men answered at the same time:
"Wish fulfillment."