Jigen finally decided it was time to unveil his next fanfic. After Goemon's...attempt, he felt that the universe needed someone to make reparations for it.
Lupin was moping on the couch. Fujiko was in a corner. She had decided to annoy them all by writing her fanfics at the hideout. Sometimes she even read aloud the parts she especially liked.

"I thought you knew it was all a game. The flirting, the teasing, the stolen kisses...they were never real."
She became quiet.
"But, you're leaving me...for him?"
"I can't leave you, you never had me. It was always him."
So saying, Lupin gazed lovingly at Jigen, who kissed Lupin on the nose.

Fujiko would have continued, but at that point Jigen threatened to shoot her right there, and Lupin agreed with him.
With Fujiko's fanfics growing in number every day, Jigen finished his new one in record time.
He passed out a copy to everyone, and waited for the result.

"I can go whenever I want!" Fujiko announced.
Lupin looked at her skeptically. Currently, the broad had been shacking up in a brick house with a picket fence.
She had been there six months, and didn't seem in any hurry to move out.
"Why do you stay here, anyway? This guy doesn't treat you half as well as the others do. Or as I do myself," Lupin was clearly puzzled.
Fujiko laughed in her usual inane way. "Silly! This guy is loaded. Once I milk him dry, I'll leave. If all goes well, I'll be in his will."
"He's not that old, Fujiko. Why would he make a will?"
"I have my ways...!" She smiled as much as the Botox would allow. Then she showed Lupin the way out.

The Queen of Cons started her work that very day in her usual way. The dame dressed up real pretty, or real skimpy, or in nothing.
She flattered the guy to no end. Most women would have drawn the line long ago, but everyone knows that Fujiko has no pride.
Eventually, she figured out that her new sucker was impressed by things like cooking a meal and cleaning.
The lazy slob had never done anything like that in her life, but she decided to learn for the sake of her money.
She cooked and cleaned for him. She stayed at home to make sure her cakes didn't fall, or whatever cakes do that they're not supposed to do.
She scrubbed grout. Fujiko had no idea why anyone cared about white grout, but she cleaned it.
With all this cleaning and baking, Fujiko didn't have time to hit the gym or the makeup as hard. She gained a pound here and there, but her dummy of a boyfriend didn't mind, so she didn't worry about it. The chick got dishpan hands. She was in that deep.
|She became lethargic, and didn't want to go out anymore. She sat at home eating bon-bons and watching soap operas.
One day, she looked in the mirror and realized she had become, for all purposes, a housewife.

15 years had passed.

She no longer had an hourglass shape. It was more like a pear, or a dumpling now.
Her hair was gray in places, her nails cracked, three chipped teeth, her eyes were failing, her skin sagged and she had developed a lisp.
That evening, the man she had given her life to came in and said: "I'm leaving."
"What?" Fujiko screamed. "After giving you the best years of my life, you're just leaving?"
"Yup. I've got me a new woman."
Fujiko fumed. "At least give me some compensation. I deserve something!"
The man smiled. "Oh, yes. You do."
He came up to Fujiko and gave her a hard kick her her large, fat posterior.
She turned around, ready to claw his eyes out.
"How dare you!"
"How dare I?" he said scathingly. "How dare I?! This is what you deserve, you wretch, after what you did to my father! He was a just an old man, but you used him and left him after taking all he was worth. I swore you would suffer the same, so I built up a fortune...and met you. How lucky I was that you don't mind dating younger men. You have two weeks to be out of my house. Ta-ta!"

What could the poor, poor Fujiko do? She had finally got what's coming to her.
She wasn't done yet, however. She went to Lupin.
Yes, she was sure that Lupin would wait for her all these years.
She found him after much searching. He was older, but still handsome. She knew that he was still active, because she had read of his exploits in the paper between her soaps.
He opened the door.
"Fujiko?"
She attempted to give him a dazzling smile. "Hey, Lupin. Can I come in? I want to know how you've been doing."
Lupin shifted. "Actually, you can't Fujiko. Being away from you, I realized you weren't the girl for me."
Fujiko gaped.
"I've found another. She's just as pretty as you-" He cringed. "-as you were. But much more loyal."
"I can be loyal!"
"A little late, Fujiko. See you later."
Just as he going to close the door, Jigen walked by. He stopped.
"Is that you, Fujiko?"
She nodded dumbly. She was finally acting on the outside what she was on the inside.
Jigen stepped closer, and laughed in her face.
"Serves you right."
Fujiko ran home, and drank herself to death while eating bon-bons as 'Days of Our Lives' played on the TV.

No one was sad.

Fujiko left in a huff. It wasn't so much that this kind of story would stop her from writing, but she hated to imagine herself as a housewife.
It was just too horrible.
She growled at Jigen as she went through the door.
Goemon didn't really do anything at first, then he smiled and Jigen knew that he liked it. Lupin laughed, but he was still pre-occupied with something immediately after.
"What's wrong, Lupin? It's not Fujiko, is it?"
"No," Came the sullen reply.
"Then what?"
Lupin handed him two packages. "Take a look."
Inside both boxes were manuscripts for books. They both had letters of rejection with them.
"Lupin, you took that story you wrote about you and Fujiko..."
"And sent it to Harlequin Romance. I sent the Fujiko one and wrote a new one."
Jigen scanned the summaries of the books.
"Basically, though, they're both about you. One is just placed in Athens, and one is placed in Tanzinia."
Lupin exploded. "But they were great! Everything a romance novel could want! Full of overwhelming emotions, plot holes, beautiful women, tanned men, and cliché lines!"
"Cliché lines?"
Lupin thumped a manuscript. "I used the phrase, "She was aware of him as a man." four times in this story! And I used, "She knew that she was a woman." five times in the other."
Jigen whistled. "Good stuff. Why were you rejected?"
"It wasn't cheesy enough," Lupin mumbled. "Plus, my plot-line made sense."
"Too bad Lupin. Rejected by Harlequin Romance. It could have been worse."
"How so?"
"You could have been accepted."
Lupin brightened at this.

All at once, the door fell in. Literally. The hinges came with it.
"Zenigata!"
"I knew it was you, Lupin! Writing all those stories about me on Fan Fiction . Net!"
"It's not me, it's Fujiko!"
"I don't care who it is! It's still all your fault!"
Zenigata started pointing to all in the room. "It's all of you guys! You want to make me the laughingstock of Interpol!"
"Really, Pops. We're victims, too. Look."
Lupin and Jigen showed Zenigata all the evil yaoi fics Fujiko had written, and how they were trying to stop her.
Zenigata decided to join in the crusade, though he wasn't completely convinced that Lupin was innocent.
Zenigata's parting shot gave Lupin an idea.
"I'll fight your words with words! I'll write more words and beat you all!"
Lupin paused.
"More words, huh?"