A/N: This is another emotional chapter. It just felt right to explore this in order to stay true to the characters we have come to know. Lots of angst and sap ahead. You have been warned.
The next few days were hectic and emotional. After they had returned to the hospital, Jane had immediately gone to Frost's bedside. When she entered his hospital room, the man was lying just as she had left him and Jane feared he had slipped back into a coma. It was only Susie's grinning face that convinced Jane that Frost was just sleeping.
It was a few hours later before Jane was able to speak to her best friend and cry out her apology and need for forgiveness. Frost being Frost had tried to downplay everything that had happened and soothe Jane's guilt. He assured Jane that it wasn't her fault and that after some rest and some physical therapy he would be back to his old self. Jane wasn't convinced but Frost had used what little energy he had to speak with her and Jane wasn't going to burden him further with her guilt.
It was over those next few days that Jane learned what had happened that caused Frost to lose consciousness for so long. While he had been attempting to reach the ejection handle, Frost had gotten his already injured knee stuck in some equipment in the cockpit and due to the force of their spin, his knee had been wrenched painfully, causing him to blackout. Since he was unconscious when they were ejected, he hadn't been able to protect himself properly and had apparently hit some of the canopy on his way out.
Luckily for all of them, he had only been in a coma for several hours instead of several days or longer. The MRI and CT scans of his brain had shown swelling but no bleeding. He had also had an MRI of his knee and he was going to require surgery to repair a few torn ligaments. Jane sent up so many prayers of thanks over those days she could almost hear her mother's voice saying in her thick Boston accent, "Oh now you believe!"
Throughout it all Maura was by her side. Whether it was holding Jane's hand or making sure she ate, Jane could feel the love in all her actions and it warmed her heart, even though she didn't feel she deserved it. Jane knew she would soon have to address the growing elephant in the room as she had yet to say those words back to Maura. Even Frost and Susie seemed to sense the change in their relationship but neither said anything despite frequent knowing looks exchanged between them.
The incident did seem to have solidified whatever was going on between Frost and Susie though. Susie doted on Frost night and day, having requested time off to care for the injured aviator. Maura hadn't seemed surprised and that said a lot to Jane about the extent of the woman's feelings for her best friend. Jane was glad that Frost had someone who loved him like he deserved to be loved. Someone who wouldn't let him down like Jane had done.
Jane had been excused from school because the damage to her hands had been severe enough that the doctor did not feel comfortable clearing her to fly. This was alright with Jane as she knew she was nowhere near ready to be back on base, let alone inside of an aircraft. Maura had taken some leave to be there for Jane but Jane was starting to feel guilty that Maura's career was now being impacted by her stupid actions.
Things came to a head four days after the incident. Jane was in Frost's room, trying to cheer up her friend when Maura walked in, impeccably dressed as always, and began to ask Jane a series of questions about whether she had been taking care of herself. Jane knew that it was being done out of love but it only served to add fuel to the flames of Jane's guilt. She couldn't take it anymore and her guilt manifested as anger and before she knew it she was shouting, "Maura, will you just leave me the fuck alone!?"
The entire room went so silent you could hear a pin drop. No one moved or even dared to breath as Jane's words echoed around the room and down the hall. It seemed the world was waiting for Maura's reaction.
They didn't have to wait long. The loving woman who had walked through the door quickly transformed into the woman who had earned the name Iceman. Posture ramrod straight, Maura turned pointedly on her four inch heels and left the room as a queen who had dismissed her subjects would have.
Jane knew the minute the words left her mouth the mistake she had made. But whether it was due to her pride or her guilt, Jane hadn't immediately taken them back and now she was left gaping at the retreating form of the woman she loved.
For the second time in almost as many days, Frost had to be the voice of reason. "Go. Get. Her!" he growled out. Jane was startled at the tone of her best friend but the accompanying look was enough to jump start Jane's mind and legs. Using her long legs to her advantage, she was able to catch up with Maura well before the clearly angry woman reached the elevators.
"Maura, I'm sorry. Please, let me explain," Jane rushed out, trying to stall the woman who was intent on getting away from her. Jane attempted to reach out to touch Maura, but was rebuked harshly as Maura stepped away.
"I do not see what there is to explain, Lieutenant. You expressed your request and I am simply fulfilling it, as I have been fulfilling your needs for the past several days." Maura responded in a clipped tone.
Apparently the elevator was taking too long, because Maura once again turned unexpectedly and headed toward the nearest stairwell. Jane was right on her heels and got to the doorway before Maura and attempted to block it.
"Please, Maur, please, I would like to talk. We can go anywhere you want, but please let me speak to you," Jane pleaded. Jane watched as Maura's ice cold expression melted slightly, but her posture remained stiff.
Sniffing slightly and looking anywhere but at Jane, Maura replied firmly, "I will give you five minutes of my time but not here." With that, she ducked under Jane's outstretched arms that had been blocking the stairwell, and began descending down the stairs much more rapidly than Jane expected.
It took a minute for Jane to realize she was meant to follow, but once she did, she flew down the stairwell, taking several steps at a time. Jane caught up to Maura as she was walking outside the hospital doors toward her car. Jane cast a side glance and could see that Maura was holding back tears and Jane felt her stomach sink. She hated seeing anyone cry but the thought of making Maura cry was almost too much for her to handle.
Jane knew she had to make this right quickly, not wanting a repeat of the agony they had both gone through over the Charlie incident. Gosh, that seemed like it was ages ago but in reality was just a couple of weeks. So much had changed during that time and Jane definitely didn't want things to change back. She loved Maura and it was about time she told her.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Maura was barely holding herself together. Jane's words had really cut her deeply. Maura had been feeling very vulnerable since she told Jane she loved her, especially since as the days passed, Jane hadn't said them back. Not only that but she hadn't even acknowledged that Maura had said it to her at all. So Maura had tried to be patient and show Jane through her actions how much she cared for her but the lack of reciprocation was weighing on Maura. And then, for Jane to use such harsh words, Maura had done the only thing she knew: turned to ice.
Now here they were walking side by side to her car, the tension so thick between them you could have cut it with a knife. Maura knew that Jane kept stealing glances at her but she was determined not to break down in front of an audience.
They finally arrived at her car and for a split second Maura considered not letting Jane in. The thought brought a hint of a smile to her lips but the look of pain on Jane's face made her drop the thought immediately. It would not serve either of them well at this point to be petty.
Once inside, Maura was unsure if she would be able to drive them anywhere in her current state. She was very upset and her cold facade was beginning to crack, especially as she felt the penetrating gaze of the love of her life.
Swallowing down all her emotions and staring out the windshield, avoiding eye contact with Jane, Maura choked out, "Your five minutes has started." She was preparing herself for whatever heart wrenching words Jane would say, but what came her way left her speechless.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Jane knew she had only one shot at this so she led off with a big swing. "Maura Dorthea Isles, you are the best person that I have ever known and I am so extremely lucky to have you in my life."
Not getting much of a reaction, Jane decided to push on, knowing that Maura was serious about her time frame. "In such a short time, you have become everything to me and I don't feel like I deserve you. I don't deserve your kindness, your love, or your affection."
Jane could feel the tears sliding down her face. Jesus, when did she become so emotional? Oh right, the day she had met Maura. These past two weeks of knowing the incredible creature that was Maura Isles had changed everything for Jane and she needed to make sure that she didn't lose her.
Steeling herself for the last but most important part of her speech, Jane reached out tentatively to Maura and took her hand. Maura still refused to look at Jane but didn't pull away. Jane took that as her cue to continue.
"Despite how much I don't deserve you, somehow, you are still here and I couldn't be happier because I have never loved another being as much as I love you. I love you Maura and I am sorry for hurting you earlier."
Jane waited with bated breath for Maura to respond. She was still staring out the windshield but Jane had felt a light squeeze to her hand when she had said the word love. Staring intently at Maura, Jane could see that there were tears easing their way out of the corner of the eye she could see.
Jane began to rub her thumb lightly over the hand that she still held, hoping to coax Maura to look at her. She had made herself vulnerable to this woman but she knew she had to. They had been operating these last few days at an imbalance and Jane knew she had to rectify that.
After what felt like hours, Maura finally turned to look at Jane. Jane's heart clenched at the sight of the stunning woman crying before her. Jane couldn't decipher whether these were happy tears or wounded tears. The suspense was killing her but she knew it was what she deserved.
x-x-x-x-x-x
"I have waited days for you to say that you love me. Days hanging on your every word, hoping that the next would be the declaration of your love for me. That my love for you was returned. But that never came. And I tried to be understanding, be the partner you needed while going through all this but it hurt to be left out in the dark," Maura managed to eke out around sniffles.
She looked up abruptly at the sound of Jane snickering. The glare she wore stopped Jane instantly and Jane said apologetically, "Out in the cold, Maur, not dark. Sorry not the time. Continue." She capped off her apology with a tender kiss to Maura's hand that she had yet to let go of.
Maura wanted to be upset but she was constantly interrupting Jane to correct her grammar so it seemed only fair and slightly endearing that Jane was doing that to her as well, although the timing was terrible.
"Anyhow," she said pointedly, "what I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted," at this she enjoyed the sheepish look that came over the beautiful face she adored and the accompanying blush, "is that you waited until you exploded at me and drove me away to tell me you loved me."
Maura paused, gathering herself. "How am I supposed to believe you now?" She whispered.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Jane felt awful. At Maura's whispered words, Jane had the realization of what was behind this line of thought. During their wonderful weekend together, the couple had discussed their upbringings and Maura had opened up about the lack of love that she had felt throughout her childhood, particularly from her parents. Maura had caring nannies but the lack of support and open affection from her parents had had an incredible impact on Maura's self esteem, particularly in her ability to feel loved.
Jane could smack herself right now. She had played right into Maura's biggest insecurity and now Jane was going to have to work twice as hard to get the woman she loved to believe her feelings were true.
Taking the hand she still held and bringing the knuckles to her lips, Jane placed light kisses to each one. Looking up into Maura's glistening eyes, Jane knew it was time to let down all her walls. This might be the single most important moment of her life and it was going to be her vulnerability, not her strength that would determine the outcome.
"Maura, I can only imagine the anxiety I must have caused you the last few days. You told me this really incredible thing and instead of immediately telling you how I felt, I was selfish and allowed you to think that I took your love for granted. That is the furthest from the truth."
Jane took her hand that wasn't currently cradling Maura's to her chest and wiped away the tears streaming down Maura's delicate features. This woman was her lobster as Frost has teased not too long ago. Jane needed to lay everything on the line, no matter how open and raw it would make her.
"Before I met you, I thought I knew what love was. And honestly, I didn't think it was for me. But Maura, the minute I saw you at the bar, I felt this overwhelming need to be near you, to know you, to touch you. It was as if my soul knew you and had been waiting my whole life to be reunited with you. I know I approached things wrong with the whole serenading thing," at this Jane chuckled and managed to get a snort laugh out of Maura.
God this woman was incredible. Even with tears staining her face she was still the most beautiful thing Jane had ever seen.
"I have never felt this way before Maura. I love you so much and so fast that it scares me. It scares me to think you have so much control over me but I wouldn't want it any other way. I need you Maura and I need you to let me show you just how true my love for you is." Jane said the last part as earnestly as she could. It was true. And in a rare instance, Jane Rizzoli had actually articulated exactly how she felt without running away. Maura really had changed her.
Jane waited for Maura's response, praying again to a god she was getting intimately reacquainted with that the woman she couldn't live without would accept her, flaws and all.
Maura's face showed the processing of her emotions, the waring thoughts flashing across the gorgeous canvas as her massive brain battled what Jane could only imagine was logic and emotion. And as Maura's face cleared, it appeared a decision had been made. A breathtaking smile spread across her face and Jane knew that all would be okay.
"Well, Lieutenant, it seems that you have your work cut out for you," Maura said seriously, although the smile and twinkle in her eyes gave her away. "I think it will take a lot of convincing to prove this true love of yours to me so you better get to showing me." This was said in a sultry tone and Jane felt her heart skip a beat. This woman was going to be the death of her and she wouldn't have it any other way.
Jane lept forward, crashing her lips against Maura's with an intensity she hadn't felt before. If Maura wanted her to prove her love, well Jane was just going to have to make sure this mission was a complete success.
A/N: Thank you again for all the kind reviews. To the guests who have been complimenting my writing (Vanilla) and who tried to stay away but got drawn in anyway (Kiki), I say a heartfelt thank you. Honestly, your comments and reviews keep me writing and make me feel like this is worth the struggle I sometimes have getting the words down. We are nearing the end of our story. I have about four more chapters planned but we shall see if our ladies will cooperate or if they feel more of their story needs to be told.