"Hey Edward?" Winry asked suddenly as the three of them were walking to their village's tiny school.
Edward had taken to drawing transmutation circles during school, having forgotten how boring it was.
What he hadn't noticed was that Winry had taken to staring at them, and had slowly been coming to a desicion.
Tired of being left behind, tired of the waiting and tired of the lonliness and the ache.
She was done with watching the Elric brothers walking away, tired of watching Edward walk away, so this time, she was determined to walk beside them.
"I was, uh, wondering if you could teach me alchemy?" She asked, not meeting his questioning gaze.
There was a long silence, where Al stared at her with innocent eyes, a curious gaze, a young gaze... Something Winry hadn't seen for a long time, because both of them had suffered so much, grown up too fast.
Now one of them was free, everything that he had been through forgotten, gone, and the distance between them was daunting.
It was eating Ed up from the inside, she could see the guilt, see the pain in his eyes.
Even then, when Al was curious, surprised, Ed was calculating. He looked like he understood, being left behind...
"Sure, why not. Sit with me and Al in the back today, we'll get you started on the basics. That good with you?" Ed shrugged after a pause.
"It'll be fun!" Al said encouragingly.
"That's fine with me." Winry beamed. No more being left behind!
She ran to catch up to the brothers, and the three walked side by side, casting long shadows on the path behind them.
"So Winry, a circle is the first part of any transmutation-"
"Alphonse? Edward? Winry? Why are are you talking in class?" Thier teacher hissed.
"Learning some alchemy." Ed chirped, so innocently, so brightly that it was almost possible to believe that he was a child someone who knew would look him in the eye, and see the shadows, see the pain. See the fear and the anger.
Then the illusion would be destroyed. The worst of it was that Winry could see how hard he was trying.
"You're supposed to be learning maths." Their teacher said sternly.
The three children looked at each other and shrugged.
"But it's boring!" They chorused sweetly. The teacher's frown suddenly turned scary.
"Well tough." She growled, and flung the chalk she was using to write with at them.
It was simple, just a light punishment, actually very common in schools in Reesembool, but someone who had spent years in the military wouldn't see it like that- couldn't see it like that.
And someone who sold their soul to the military, someone who had been fighting for so long didn't know how to stop.
It was automatic. It was who he was. The Fullmetal Alchemist.
Ed's eyes widened as he saw the projectile coming towards them. How many times had someone tried to shoot him, how many times had he nearly died?
Normally the bullets would bounce of Al, but he was fixed. He was flesh and bone, he was free. He was vulnerable.
He could die...
Then Edward would be alone again...
Winry could die...
Suddenly he saw Scar leaning over her, hand streched out, towards her terrified, pale face, ready to finish what he started with the two doctors.
Too many enemies. Too many faces... Too many threats...
Ed clapped his hands, working half on instinct, half on adrenaline, and the desks and the floor rose together, and twisted into a wall.
As he clapped, and a brilliant light flashed like electricity over the wall, he felt something far away frown.
In that one second he could feel the anger, the fury, of the thing in the gate, at equivalent exchange being violated. It's power had been gone, and been abused. Humans were so, unbearably arrogant, using what little power they had to steal.
Now some people had the power, and hadn't lost enough for it. They didn't forget what they saw in the gate, and it was too weak to make them pay.
Then the second, seeming like long, torturous hours, finally passed, and the threat was gone. Everyone was safe.
Then his heartbeat slowed down, and he was drowning in reality once again.
Everyone was staring at him. Shock. Fear.
It was the kind of look people gave him the second they realised what he was. Another one of the military's weapons- not a person- just a dog of the military. Nothing more. Never anything more, never a child.
And they didn't know that he was half metal, a cold arm and a heavy leg- hidden behind gloves, to hide the guilt, so he didn't have to face those eyes. Except he wasn't- not anymore. Now he was exactly what he looked like- a child who hadn't done anything yet.
A child with no childhood.
A child who made his own brother look at him in fear.
"Are you okay?" Winry asked softly, eyes gentle. She knew.
Numbly, Ed nodded his head.
He couldn't not be fine, he had to be strong. For Al.
Except it hadn't happened yet. Nothing had. So why did he still have to act like he was unbreakable?
Why couldn't he stop pretending?
Why couldn't he just admit he was breaking?
Ed was excluded for a week, on account of the school being too relaxed to seriously expell him.
They sent Hohenheim to pick him up, as the man was trying to make up for everything. He was trying to be a father, a husband. Al was delighted. Trisha was pleased.
Ed wasn't happy at all, because he couldn't forget. Every little act was just a reminder of what he had failed to do the first time around.
"Edward, why did you transmute the desks?" Hohenheim asked calmly, but his eyes were stern.
"The gate. The thing in it isn't happy. I felt it." Ed said bluntly, both trying to change the subject and shut the man up. Bastard chooses now to act like a father.
"You didn't use a circle?" Hohenheim questioned, for the first time sounding angry. "What about-"
"Yeah, I blew my cover, so what? It's not like you're the one who's going to have the questions. You're still safe, so why do you care?" Ed snapped bitterly.
"Because I'm your fa-" Hohenheim started, but stopped when Ed turned and raced off.
He'd thought that they'd been close to improving, with fighting against Father. He'd thought that maybe Ed would be ready to put the past behind him.
Now they were here, in the past, everything fell apart. Hohenheim guessed that Ed was like him, with every day being a reminder of where they'd failed.
He just needed time, Hohenheim hoped.
He didn't want to lose his family. Not again.
#
Ed had stormed off, not really caring where he was going. He just wanted to get away from his bastard of a father. Get away from the guilt.
Ever since he'd had that breif flash of feeling from the gate, he'd felt cold. It was the first time he'd transmuted without a circle since the time-travel, and it hadn't ended well.
Not to mention that under central, Father was plotting, no doubt, wanting power, wanting perfection.
He was so lost in though that he didn't hear the whispers on the streets.
"A new butchers?"
"Yeah, and I hear that they sell mamoth meat."
He didn't know what was coming until he walked straight into her, a heavily pregnant woman.
"Sorry." He mumbled, edging away.
"Edward?" There was something familiar about the voice, but it sounded different, younger, maybe softer.
Ed finally looked up at the woman's face.
"Teacher?"