Everything hurt when Sanji woke up, it felt like he had slept in a rock mattress. Looking around he found himself still in the aquarium room where he had that talk with Zoro, ugh, why had he done that? No, worse, how would he face that green asshole now? Sitting felt like riding a wild bull, the entire room started to spin, and he had to wait a few seconds to reopen his eyes and not see the floor moving, after that he got up, only to get momentarily blind. Hangover was a bitch, but it was better than the nightmares, he had more chances to stay alive facing this stupid pain than facing his past.

A clock showing it was almost nine in the mourning snapped him from his thoughts, the crew was probably awake at this point and there was no food ready. He made his way towards the kitchen running and ignoring that stupid headache which only seemed to get worse each step he took.

There the view made him forget about all the aches: Zoro and Chopper where by the balcony, the reindeer reading one of his recipes, croque monsieur apparently, while the swordsman was following the instructions, both so focused they didn't realize they were not alone anymore. Going further inside, the smell of black tea hit him, he could tell whoever did it hasn't done it the same way Sanji would, but it probably wasn't the worst tea in the world either.
A fake cough startled them, his bodies tensed when they looked wild eyed to the blond.

"Mind to tell me what are you two doing in my kitchen?", Zoro started to blink and look around, it was Chopper who recovered first.

"Sorry for the mess! We promise to clean everything later!", he dropped the book at the marble surface, reached the tea-pot and a cup and gestured for Sanji to come closer. "Here, I made it for you!"

"Uh… thank you, Doc", he said, still uneasy glaring at them. "But seriously, what the fuck?"

"Don't look at me like that, cook, Chopper was already here when I came in"

"Fine, but why are you still here? Messing with MY kitchen?! Fuck off!"

"What?! Quit bitching, curly!", Zoro growled dropping the spoon inside the bowl and slamming his hands on the balcony, but before a real fight could start Chopper intervened.

"Sanji, I wanted to make you a surprise, you're not fine these days, so I thought it would be nice to do you some tea, but then Zoro appeared and you didn't… we decided to help you out by making the breakfast, so you could relax a bit"

Astonished the cook eyes traveled from Chopper to the Marimo, who was too worried looking away hiding his blushing face, to the cup in his hands and to the sandwiches they were making. How was he supposed to act normal when everything else wasn't?

"There's no need- "

"Yes, there is! Please, just this time, let us help you! And we are almost done!", great, how could he say no to Chopper pleading? That kid was so sweet sometimes it gave him diabetes.

Sighing, he sat down pointing at Zoro.

"That means you need to be around?"

"Can't disobey doctor's orders", he answered shrugging.

"Ugh"

Sipping the black tea Sanji tried to keep a straight face, those two idiots didn't need to know how warm that tea made him feel inside.

"Well, it isn't as good as Sanji 's, but it is edible… who knew you could cook like a human being, Zoro?", Nami said slyly making Luffy laugh as crazy.

"I'm sorry for that Nami-san, but these two don't follow orders"

He didn't expect the sweet smile she gave him while reaching to hold his hand.

"It's okay, Sanji-kun, you deserve a rest."

He had to look away, more of his weird behavior, no nosebleeds anymore, just a blush and a sheepish act.

"Thanks" he mumbled, taking his half empty dish to the sink.

"Off"

Strong hands pushed him from the sink, he was supposed to be alone, he needed to be alone right now, it was dinner time and he spend the day with his crewmates, first, Usopp didn't want him to do the dishes, then, Nami-san asked for help with her orange threes, at lunch time Chopper was there to help him again, afterwards when he was going to clean the kitchen Luffy screamed he wanted to play cards with Sanji, Usopp and Franky and none of them could deny him "cause it was captain's order". Right now, he craves for some time alone, he was tired of pretending he was "better".

"Stop looking so mortified, it's annoying"

"What do you want, Zoro?", gosh, he sounded so tired.

Eh? Had he just called him Zoro? Did it ever happen before? At least he wasn't the only one surprised, Zoro had to shake his head to erase his shocked expression.

"Just want to help", it was barely a whisper yet Sanji heard him crystal clear. He didn't answer, so they started to work together to clean the mess from earlier.

"Now let me make dinner, leave me alone."

"No"

"Uh, I don't know if the grass can hear things clear, but it was an order, not a suggestion"
The talking grass shrugged then moved to the pantry.

"What do you need from here?". He couldn't accept that help anymore, he wasn't a fucking invalid for fuck's sake. He was on the edge already. "You deaf? What do you want?"

He snapped.

"I FUCKING WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE, AM I NOT BEING CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU, ALGAE BRAIN?"

He waited for the moment the other man would scream back at him and leave with heavy steps, though that moment never happened. What happened was Zoro coming back to the kitchen with a hurt expression Sanji couldn't comprehend, he stopped in front of him, his eyes were searching for something Sanji couldn't quite figure.

"There's no need to pretend you're okay around me, no need to fight whatever is happening inside you"

He was whispering, why was he whispering? It was just them in there. And he was definably coming closer, the blond could see himself in the swordsman's eyes.

"Just let me help you", he finished placing his hands on Sanji 's shoulders.

For one in his life, having a man touching him like that didn't made him sick. The new Sanji reacted funny to any sort of affection. He placed his right hand on Zoro's chest, not to push the man, to reassure him somehow, he managed to show a small smile.

"Trust me, right now all I need is be alone"

He felt so peaceful and empty after he left

Dinner passed without many incidents, the only abnormal thing was Chopper watching him with clinical eyes, if he could feed Sanji no doubt he would, just to make sure he was really eating. Now was almost 10p.m, he was by the rail, smoking watching the sea pass by as Brook played one of his songs, when he closed his eyes he could pretend everything was fine again. Just another end of a day with nicotine, the ocean spray and music.

"You are disgusting"

There it was again.

His mouth opened, and the cigarette felt into the dark, his knuckles were white from the visceral grip he had in the railing and apparently the didn't remember how to breath anymore. Panic built in his chest, running his fingers through his hair he tried his best to walk away from the deck without showing what was happening with him. The breakdown came as soon as he made it inside the empty quarter where Mini Merry was, throwing his back hit the wall, tears started to run free and he tried in vain to repress the hiccups, the air came back to his lungs in an uncoupled way, his whole body shake and his hands where clutched in his hair. A fucking mess.

So emerged in his panic attack, Sanji didn't realize he wasn't alone anymore, only realizing it when hands touched his forearms so gently.

"You're gonna hurt yourself like this"

Why was he here again? Didn't he understand he just wanted to be alone? Between his hiccups he manages to whisper:

"Leave"

He didn't, instead he took Sanji 's hands from the blond strands so he could place his own hands in each side of the man's jaw lifting his face.

"Inspire through your nose and expire through your mouth, like this", it took some good minutes until Sanji could mimic exactly what the other man was doing, seen the progress Zoro gave him a subtle smile, "See, that better isn't?"

Sanji couldn't respond, he was defeated, god, he was such a loser letting his feelings take control of him like that, still, he let himself be pulled into the other's embrace, resting his head on crook of his neck.

It was time to admit it to himself.

" I need help"