Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing.

Six

Gisa has been busy. She started selling some dresses she made out of a shop in the center of town and now she's getting requests by the hour. People love her designs. Half of our room is covered in different fabrics and colors, designs she plans to make are tacked all over the walls. She'll probably have enough for her own shop soon. At this moment I am standing in the middle of our room on a wooden crate, different shades and fabrics of purple draped over my body. Gisa stands back assessing me, one arm crossed over her chest, the elbow of her other arm in her hand as her fingers tap against her lips.

"I think the dark silk," She says and quickly makes a note of it in her notebook. She begged me to make my dress for Julian and Sara's wedding next month and now I'm slightly dreading it. It'll be the first time I see Norta in months. The first time I'll see Cal. "Are you even listening to me?" Gisa snaps.

"Dark silk. Got it." I reply letting my sister pull me from my thoughts.

Gisa rolls her eyes, "I said, I'm going to make it a high collar and a low back dress." The wedding is a formal event, with Julian being a diplomat appearances must still be made. The changing of a government doesn't change all traditions.

"How high of a collar?" I ask wrinkling my nose, already annoyed at the prospect, thinking of the stiff high collar on the Scarlett Guard uniform.

"High enough to cover that." She points to the M branded into my collar bone just barely visible above the collar of my t-shirt. "I don't know why you keep it."

I feel the edges of it with the tips of my fingers through the folds of the fabric draped over my shoulder. "It's a reminder." I say absently.

"Of him?" She asks incredulously.

"No," I say quickly to ease her, "Not really." M is for monster. "It's to remind me that monsters exist." M for Maven. M for Mare.

Gisa furrows her brow and I can almost see the gears turning as she thinks. "Do you think you need a physical representation of that now?"

Probably not, I think but the thought of the brand being erased fills me with a strange sense of fear. Another voice flits through my panic, somethings don't need to be held on to. I hear his voice as if he was in the room with us.

Gisa sits on the corner of her bed, her hands folded in her lap. She watches me with what I can only imagine is pity and, strangely, pride. "I wish," She starts, cutting herself off. "I can't imagine what it was like." She meets my gaze with a fire and confidence Lady Blonos would be proud of. "I can't imagine what you went through. Fighting, being captured." She looks down at her hands, "Sometimes I wonder how you made it back in one piece at all." She looks back up at me, a slight smile tugging on the corners of her lips. "But you're Mare Barrow. You've always been this person, this warrior."

"Gee…" I start to stop her, she's wrong. But she holds up a hand as she stands, the looks she gives almost knocks me back.

"No," Gisa stops me, her tone almost scolding. "Think about it. Who stole batteries from the security outpost for Dad? Who took in Kilorn and watched out for him? Who kept our family fed and safe?" Her hand takes one of mine in hers gently. "You have always been strong, you have always been fast and smart, and you have always and will always be my sister." She takes my other hand and her grip tightens. "I need you to remember that and I want you to know that we are all so proud of you."

I don't know when she got so wise, when everyone around me got so wise for that matter. I nod, unable to meet her gaze. Maybe one day I'll believe as she does.

"Now," She says sniffling a little, "I'm going to make this dress so freaking breathtaking that Cal won't be able to look away from you."

I think you'll be distracting no matter what you wear, the memory of his voice sends a flush up my face. I feel my cheeks burn red. "I honestly don't think it matters." I mutter.

"Oh," Gisa's eyes go wide, "It matters. I'm going to make him want to get on his hands and knees to beg you to come back to him."

I stare at her for a second debating on if I want another person to know about his letters. To have another person berate me for not reading them. "He's written me letters." I say meekly.

"How many?" Gisa asks.

"Five."

Gisa whistles through her teeth. "I take it you haven't read any of them." I just shrug in answer. "Why not? I know you miss him."

I miss him like the air I breathe, like the sparks and electricity pulsing under my skin. I miss him as if I am missing a part of my soul. Missing him is an understatement and the word just doesn't cover the depth of what I feel. "I do." I croak, barely a whisper.

"And you're afraid you'll miss him more if you read them." It's not a question, she knows.

My shoulders slump and I nod in relief that there's someone who understands.

"Well, that's stupid."

That was short lived. "What?" I ask, pulling swatches of fabric off of me.

"Sorry, but it is." Gisa says taking the fabric from my hands. "If you love him, truly love him, nothing will stop you from missing him. It won't decrease or increase, it just is what it is." I know she's talking of Shade. She catches my eye, "I told Farley the same thing. It doesn't go away it just erodes like a river against rock. It slowly ebbs until it is a feeling that is so familiar you don't notice the longing anymore." She folds the fabrics and puts them away in a box at the base of her bed. "Farley doesn't have a choice, she will miss Shade until her dying breath, as will we. But you," She says turning to me, "You have a chance to be with the one you love. Someone that threw away an entire kingdom at just the chance with you."

I sink down on to my own bed. "That wasn't why he did it Gee." I tell her for maybe the thousandth time since leaving Norta.

Gisa rolls her eyes, "Please. If you weren't the first reason, you were probably a close second." She sits down again and looks at me, "You weren't there when we were at the Lakeland base. You didn't see him."

I realize now, I had never asked. I never wanted to know what pain he went through when I was captured. I'm not sure I want to know now. Again, I'm ignorant.

"If mom or I didn't bring him food, he didn't eat." She continues. "Brie and Trammy weren't too keen on him, but they got over it soon enough. If Brie and Trammy were busy, he would tell mom and dad about news of you, if there was any. I think Cal just wanted someone he knew that loved you as much as him to listen to his concerns, his fears." Gisa wrings her hands together. "He was so afraid we'd never get you back."

"I don't know how to fix myself." I whisper.

"You are not broken." Gisa enunciates every syllable. I'm hoping that she's right.

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