Disclaimer: Anything familiar belongs to JE.
Warnings: adult language, adult violence, sexual encounters
Entries Correspond to Chapter 5 of "I Should Have Known Better"
July 24, 2014
Dear Diary,
I'm having a boy! Yes, a baby boy! While I'm thrilled at the thought of having a boy, I'm petrified that he will turn out like Joe and other Morelli men. I have to break that cycle. Ranger took me to my appointment and waited for me after, considering the Joe was too busy to join me. We decided to go to Pino's after, with Lester, Bobby, and Connie joining us.
I was excited about Connie's engagement. Luis is a good man. He'll treat her the way she's meant to be treated, and he understands her Family's dynamic. Before our food arrived, Joe showed up, and Pino's so he could yell at me and belittle me in front of my friends and colleagues. I couldn't stay there; I was too embarrassed. Ranger left with me, with our food, and we walked through a pretty park in Princeton. While there, we talk, and he once again tells me I don't have to stay with Joe. He even offers to adopt my son and raise him the way Ron raised Julie. I'm overwhelmed. Maybe everyone is right. Maybe I should leave Joe.
Stephanie
XXXXXXXXXX
July 26, 2014
Dear Diary,
Joe is getting crueler and meaner to me. The other night, after I had lunch with Ranger, he hit me for the first time. When I arrived home, we were waiting. Not only did he hit me, but he tied me up, fucked me, then pushed himself in my backside. I forced myself not to cry out, but it was so painful. Then, I had to make him dinner, which it did. He wouldn't let me eat with him; I had to watch him. When he had enough to eat, the threw out the rest of the food and spilled oil all over the floor. I had to clean everything before I could eat. I never got around to eating, because just as I was about to make myself a sandwich, he walked in the door. I was then forced to allow him to use my body for his satisfaction. I've been reduced to nothing more than a whore. Lula was treated better when she was a 'ho then I'm being treated by my husband. I had not slept, because he works me up bright and early the next day so I could give him three more blow jobs. I called Rangeman to send someone to pick me up. Ranger arrived, and I swear, he was ready to find Joe and kill him when he saw the bruise on my face. I don't know how I managed to talk him down. All I know is that I woke up in Bobby's exam room, tucked in on the bed there. They both tried to pressure me into giving them all the dirty details, but I refused. If I tell them, then it's real. Joe does love me, doesn't he?
Stephanie
XXXXXXXXXX
Author's Note: I am glad that you are enjoying the insight into Steph's psyche. I am not a mental health professional, nor do I have any first hand or second-hand knowledge of depression or other mental health problems. Everything is completely a figment of my mind and what I have seen depicted on television. If I am way off the mark, I apologize.
I'll post the next chapter of "I Should Have Known Better" tomorrow. I promise, even though we aren't near the 190 review mark. So, please review away. If we can get to 20 reviews here and 190 reviews on the other story, I'll post it today. It's in your hands now.
Also, I do not have this story beta-d. I feel that as diary entries, the writing shouldn't be perfect. I use the "Grammarly" app as my sole source of editing, so any mistakes are all mine. Eventually, I'll read through a self-edit any major mistakes. I've been looking up the dates, so days of the week are accurate for the year in the story.
Do you know what Ranger or Joe is thinking? Let me know. Ranger and the other Merry Men have been seen by Dr. Richardson so that they wouldn't be opposed to "Journaling" (much more masculine sounding than "diary writing).