Eight

I didn't read them last night. I held them in my hands and felt the weight of them. The same thick, heavy, stiff paper. They still smell like smoke, like him. Seven heavy, loaded letters.

I am strapped in a seat on the black run, the sun barely rising over the mountain tops in the distance. Davidson is here, sitting at the small dining table with Carmadon. Farley is securing her luggage into the overhead, we both have two bags with us, more luggage than we've ever had in our lives. Kilorn is currently locking himself into a seat across from me. There are a few other politicians that I do not know, or haven't cared to be introduced to, that are traveling separately.

Kilorn got a glare from me first thing this morning as he arrived to the airfield. He saw the letters in my hand and grimaced. He knows what they are and who they are from. He mouthed 'sorry' as he climbed in the jet after me. I nodded at him, I have no energy any longer to be angry. I have no more rage left in me.

The engine roars to life and I feel it in my bones. It hums and sings into my muscles and it feels absolutely delicious.

Kilorn's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, "So you're not even going to ask about him?" He scoffs, "Three months and nothing?" Ninety days of torture.

I look at him, eyebrow raised, daring him to continue. I didn't ask him after he got back from his trip and I don't plan on asking now.

Bullheaded as he is, Kilorn doesn't take the hint. "He's in charge of training new blood and silver children. They started an academy for the kids to learn and control their abilities as well as learn school stuff alongside Silver kids. Julian is working on updating the curriculum for all schools."

Farley takes a seat next to me, clicking her straps together in practiced ease. "Starting to get some real education out in the villages and red cities. It's a long term plan and it worked wonders in Montfort. The more knowledge they have the better."

"Cameron and her father started the Tech Union. Their making sure everyone gets paid and treated fairly. Also making sure the factories are up to date and safe." Kilorn adds, this I knew of course. "They are starting city elections for the…" He trails off looking at Farley, "What did he call it?"

Farley rolls her eyes, "City counsels. Each town and village is to elect who they think would best represent their values and needs at a monthly counsel meeting. Those of larger cities will have multiple counsels, one for each sector of the city."

"It's very similar to what we have in Montfort." Davidson interjects, "There were just a few tweaks. All minor to fit Norta."

"That's it?" I ask knowing there must be something they're not telling me. These are all things I've heard in update meetings. "There are no riots, no rebellions?"

"Oh, there are riots." Farley answers, "High houses have up and disappeared. Probably over in the Lakelands. I'm sure Cenra or Iris offered them amnesty for coming to their side."

I close my eyes imagining the unrest, the battle still raging in my country. A country I abandoned.

"But," Farley's voice forces me to open my eyes again. "Things are getting better. There are fewer riots every week. Things are settling and we expected this. We had plans in place for this. We implemented a police force of sorts, mostly guardsmen and some Nortan soldiers that volunteered, about a week after you had left. They are doing all they can to end riots as peacefully as possible."

"As peacefully as possible." I repeat grumbling, not believing it.

"There were only five fatalities and those were all in the first week while you were still there." She retorts. She knows I know this.

The engine roars again as we begin to travel down a smooth landing strip before slowly tipping into the sky. No going back now, I think to myself.

"Everything is going to plan, Mare. It's going to be okay." Farley pats my leg trying to reassure me.

Somehow that doesn't soothe me. I'm still a bundle of nerves and I can't seem to keep my heart beating at a steady rhythm. I keep thinking of bronze eyes, black hair and the smell of burning wood. I can't stop my heart from racing.

Kilorn leans his head back crossing his arms over his chest, settling in for the long flight, trying to catch up on the early morning sleep he was robbed of. Davidson and his husband start talking quietly amongst themselves, their fingers twisting together. I watch them with unabashed envy. I have been for weeks. Silver and Red together, in love. I start to wonder if it's possible again. If Cal and I are possible. This thought comes to me often, usually as I lie down to sleep. Davidson has been traveling the world trying to save it, going into battle, risking his life and all the while Carmadon waited for him at home for the better half of a year. In their home. Could Cal and I do the same? Would he sit back in Norta and wait for me to come home? Dead or alive? If my life were on the line, somehow I don't think Cal would stay behind.

Farley notices me staring and taps me on the leg to get my attention. "Did you try?" She asks gesturing to the bundle in my lap. I nod slowly. "And?" She pushes and I shake my head.

She looks disappointed, sighing and pursing her lips. She follows Kilorn's lead and crosses her arms trying to sleep. She doesn't even try to argue.

When her breathing evens out and the jet is quiet, I am brave enough to take the first letter out of its binding.

I hold it in my hands gently as if it might disintegrate in my hands and turn to ash. Mare is written on the front of the fold. I run my fingers over it feeling the letters. The longing that comes over me is incredible, to know that I am so close and still so far away is almost painful. If anyone can do it, it's the lightening girl, Evangeline's voice floats through my memories. I take a deep breath steading myself before I open the letter.

"I am heavy with guilt. I could not do what needed to be done and put that weight on your shoulders. I miss him. It feels as if he has been dead for years and I was just told. I feel as if there was a monster parading around with my brother's face. I'm not angry with you nor do I blame you. I don't even see how I could. I'm so sorry I placed this incredible burden on you. Please forgive me.

Kilorn and I found you after. I thought my heart had stopped in my chest. You were covered in both bloods and so pale. I have never seen you that pale. In my nightmares, I find you again only I'm too late.

I want you more than anything in this world.

I love you, I miss you. Come back to me.

Always waiting,

Cal"

I have never blamed him for the choices I have made. And never for that one. There is nothing to forgive. I also never asked who found me. How I got to that bedroom, who had gotten Sara. Somehow I knew it was him and I didn't want to see the pain on his face when he told me.

Greedily needing more of him I rip open the second letter. This one has the burned singe on the edge. He's angry in this one. He's frustrated with the academy, with things he wants to do and are not being done quickly enough, and also trying to find his new place in society. And me.

"I know you won't read these. This or the one before. I know it and still I write. I feel as if somehow, someway you'll hear me. I miss you and it's infuriating. I need you and that too is infuriating. I love you and that is all I have to hold on to.

Always waiting,

Cal"

I pick up the next one unable to stop myself now. It reads like a poem and I realize, it's a love letter. I've never even read one before but it brings a blush to my cheeks and I know this letter contains his heart. His broken heart.

"It's in the dark, in the pitch black that I see your face the most. In the quiet hours before dawn I forget and I can still feel you next to me. It's when I wake fully and open my eyes does the emptiness settle in. I miss you like the sun misses the moon. How I wish I could burn as brightly as that sun to take you out of the dark."

It's filled with longing and passion and a lonely sadness only I can relate to. I feel the same.

"I will wait for you. I promise you that. No matter how long it may be. You are my match, my thief, my only, my spark, my very beating heart.

Always waiting,

Cal"

I'm startled back into reality as Farley sniffs in the seat next to me. I snap my head in her direction to see she's not sleeping at all. She picked up on one of Shade's favorite tricks. "Seriously?" I ask incredulously. She read the whole thing, I can see it on her face.

She wipes gingerly at her watering eyes, "It's a long flight and you are the only one with reading material. And that," She says jabbing a finger toward the letter, "was absolutely lovely." She crosses her arms over her chest, closing her eyes again. "I will not apologize for reading anything that beautiful."

I shove the letters into my bag, glaring at her. I see Kilorn smirking from his seat, eyes still closed.

"Didn't know he had it in him." She mutters leaning her head back.

I don't read the rest on the plane.

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